pithy quote goes here

Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: You Gotta Chase a White Man

Posted on | September 3, 2010 | 8 Comments

It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month. Let’s have some fun, shall we?

You’ve been dateless, man-free, and frustratingly single this entire summer, month, year, decade, or century.

All these BWE / BW-IR blogs are starting to work your last nerve. Why?

You are getting so effing tired of hearing all these damn rules of what YOU gotta do to get you some swirl action.

You are getting so tired of these relentlessly cheerful, unnaturally happy, skinny ass, absolutely perfect, nauseatingly special black women who find it sooooo dayumn easy to get hold of a (white) man. It’s like some of these chicks rolled out of bed, opened the front door, and there stood Mr. Prince Charming with a dozen red roses in one hand and a 14kt diamond engagement ring in the other. It’s gotta be maddening to find out that he looks like Bradley Cooper or Jonathan Rhys Meyers with Ryan Reynolds’s deliciously hot body.

It’s been a long, long, dry (really dry and you’re thirsty ’bout now), hot summer, and you didn’t get yours.

The “solutions” that keep coming are fast and furious, yet they’re not only contradictory, they seem annoyingly unrealistic and unreachable. You wanna hear some “keepin’ it real” advice from one black woman to another. Not stuff you could easily read in any white woman’s magazine or The Rules book.

Everywhere you go – you keep asking the same question: Where are all these wonderful white men these chicks keep finding? ‘Cause no one’s really looked your way since your hairdresser “accidentally” dyed your hair baboon-ass red, and promised the color would fade in a week.

As the Devil’s Advocate, I’m here to confirm your worst fears: finding a man will be hardest task you’ve ever undertaken. The truth of the matter is: these white guys really aren’t checking for YOU. Of course, it’s easy for all these other ladies. But for you? Pshaw. You will have to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

I know the excuses. So let’s throw them under the bus:

• you’re not heading to Europe for a man.
• you have no intention of traveling for luv.
• you’re not losing 10-50+ plus pounds just to get a man. they gotta love you as you are.
• you’re not joining any clubs that are dominated by men.
• you’re uniquely quirky (weird) with a strange sense of humor. guys don’t dig you.
• you don’t want to hear any mess about your hair. ever again.
• you ain’t planning on grinning and skinning all day for no man. he’s gotta understand you have moods.
• you’re not buying any new clothes. funk that. you love lumberjack flannel shirts.
• you know the truth that no one else will ever admit: most, if not all, white men just don’t like black women!!!!

Sorry. You’re gonna have to make changes, but let’s ease into it.

Let me roll out some things here that you might want to think about, but don’t over think about.

• How often and how long do you make eye contact with an attractive (in your eyes) man? Long, short, blink and gone?
• Do you smile and say hello first? If he doesn’t respond, do you think you weren’t loud enough or that the dude probably hates black women and you swear you’ll never to do it again?
• Do you believe men know what you’re thinking?
• Do you assume you know what men are thinking when they look at you? Are your thoughts negative, neutral, or positive?
• Are you able to have a conversation without uttering one negative word or thought? That one might not be easy.
• How’s your body language? Closed or open? Arms folded a lot? Do you lean towards the person or away?
• Do you shy away or hide from men? It’s possible you’re doing it subconsciously.
• Ever went to a party / gathering and decided to touch every guy when crossing the room? You know, just a light caress down the arm. If you’re feeling bold, turn your head, smile, and look ‘em up and down… Practice makes perfect.
• Online dating is hit and miss: stop joining sites where 98.23% of the white guys will date anybody, even other men, but a black woman. Seek out the interracial sites, the men are half-way there and willing. That makes sense, right?
• Relax. Relax. Relax. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt.
• Get in the habit of making friends with white men. Friends. Friends. Friends. With no benefits. Keep it platonic.

I have more bad news for you.

There is no magical interracial swirl fairy. You’re gonna have to get a man the old-fashioned way: chase him down and collar him. To chase a man means being coy, witty, friendly, feminine, and slightly seductive. That takes practice.

Have fun.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

Picture Day: Guess My Weight

Posted on | August 26, 2010 | 8 Comments

This is how I look at the moment.

** Update **

The poll is closed. Final results were:

And a big virtual hug to those who thought I weighed from 175 lbs to 150 lbs, which were answers 3 through 6. It was close too. Amazing.

Thanks for humoring me.

The Black Keys: Tighten Up

Posted on | August 19, 2010 | 4 Comments

The video is so cute, and the music is even better.

For Black Women: Please Have Sex With White Men

Posted on | August 12, 2010 | 35 Comments

That got your attention, didn’t it?

Apparently, my old, old post Why White Men are a Better Choice was interpreted (by the mentally handicapped and functionally illiterate) as a heartfelt plea for black women everywhere to sex it up with all the nearest and available white men.

It seems that I’ve been successful at convincing “quality good black women” to go find themselves a white man and ignore all the “good black men” a.k.a. purple unicorns out there. I had no idea I had so much power.

Will everyone please help make me a multimillionaire?

I never mentioned sex. I mentioned marriage. Quite delightfully, black women who are married to or dating white men provided the most lovely, heartfelt and wonderful testimonies and feedback. Nearly all of them wanted or had a husband, nearly each and every one of them was reasonably happy with a man, who happened to be white, who treated them with respect, love, devotion, and protection (emotional and financial).

As far I’m concerned, a happy black woman is a wonderful thing. Interesting how people who worry about black women having sex with white men, never concern themselves with her happiness. Well, it’s because they don’t care about black women in the first place, but we already know that.

You’ve Heard This Propaganda Before

I’ll briefly go over the reasons people are against black women / white men unions. Tell me if it all doesn’t sound familiar.

In the following paragraphs, the “he” I’m referring to is a white man.

1. He (the white man) just wants sex. Ans. So? Men like sex.  So do a healthy number of women. I’d be disturbed if a guy was with me and didn’t want sex. I don’t mean jump in the sack immediately, but if he never showed any attraction, I’d be like: What’s up with that?
   
2. He’ll use you and leave you. Ans. Black women are having more children out of wedlock with the “brothas” than those married to purple unicorns.
   • LeBron James recently referred to his baby mama as a “sidekick”. Isn’t he supposed to be a purple unicorn? He’s leaving the sidekick and spawn behind while he seeks out lighter and brighter pastures in Miami. Anyone want to put money on a bet that his next chick will be Latina or white and he’ll want to marry her?
3. White men raped our great-great-(number of greats may vary) grandmothers. Ans. I wont trivialize slavery or Jim Crow or any era people suffered through. However, I’m not a slave, and I’m not living in the past.
   • Today’s white man isn’t the one raping and abusing black women in record numbers (see Dunbar Village and other atrocities). Plus, with the number of black men chasing down, co-habitating, and marrying white women, it is apparent the “brothas” have forgiven white women for getting black men lynched back in those days.
   • Black men have no problem treating white women like queens, giving them all of his money, and by extension white men. I’ve always noticed that if a negro makes a lot of money, the first thing he’ll do is find a white woman to give it to.
   • So what’s wrong with a black woman being with a white man who will marry her, stay around to raise the kids, provide financial support, and all that good stuff?
4. His johnson is pink. Ans. Don’t underestimate the power of pink. Your stuff is pink too. (TMI coming: the color of his johnson may vary anyway.)
5. His johnson isn’t big. Ans. How would you know the actual johnson size of 100 plus million men? Yes, that’s right there are over 100 million white men in America. Do all the black men who keep telling you this: have they peeked at all of them? Do all the black women who claim this: have they slept with all of them? And why are they obsessed with that?
6. He can’t satisfy a black woman. Ans. At least he’s willing to use his tongue. For hours. Nuff said.
7. It hurts black men to see black women with white men. Ans. Do any of those negroes out there who talk about how perfectly beautiful or hot the Kardashians, or any white women they are with, worry about any black women’s feelings? Don’t you get tired of hearing: “Black women are this and that – that’s why I only date white women”?
   • Whether the black male is a family relation, friend, or a stranger you call a “brotha” who you date, sex, mate, and marry is really NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Their overinflated, easily bruised, excessively touchy, delicate and fragile egos are not worth the PRICE OF YOUR HAPPINESS. Frankly, if these negroes aren’t taking care of you and yours they need to GET LOST with a quickness.
   • Their opinions aren’t worth a bucket of warm spit, and mine isn’t either. I’m certainly not here to tell you what to do.
8. White men don’t find black women attractive, or they will not make you a wife. Ans. Does the number who are attracted really matter? You only need one good man.
   • White men / black women have the lowest rates of divorce, even over white men with white women, and especially black men married to anybody even black women. Your own personal mileage will vary.
   • At least with white men you can statistically find one that will actually like your hair, your complexion, your beautiful skin, your loving spirited personality, and just be into you, because you are an AWESOME BLACK WOMAN.
9. Your children will grow up confused. Ans. This last one is my hypothesis: folks just don’t want to see the children of black women by white men receive the kind of privileges some white children have. If all black kids are in dire straights together people are comforted by that. However, if the exception turns out to be these children….
10. Good black men exist! Ya’ll just want thugs. Ans. I never said disregard purple unicorns. If a black woman, or anybody, can find those extra 2 million plus purple unicorns that black women need for companionship, then wonderful!!! You’ve achieved a major miracle.

Now, that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’ll repeat the header: Please have sex with white men.

***
Update: I’m always thrilled to get input by men. Frank M. just knocks it out of the park!

Betty.  I decided to write my own answers for their arguments.  Feel free to use or just read if you’re interested.

1.    He (the white man) just wants sex. Ans.  Companionship, friendship, and emotional support during good times and bad are just as important in any relationship.  BW, in my experience, are fiercely loyal and supportive to those they love, so choosing to date a BW is NOT just about sex.  How can BM use this argument with a straight face with all the fatherless kids running around the BC anyway?  If anyone has PROVEN (through their actions) and promoted (through their music) that they just want sex, it’s BM.

2.    White men raped our great-great-(number of greats may vary) grandmothers. Ans. What is more of a danger to a BW today?  A man who has been dead for a hundreds of years??  Or the group of men harassing her on the street today?  BM don’t rape?  African countries are dealing with rape at epidemic proportions.  And that is in within THIS decade.  Rape within the black community in America is swept under the rug, but we all know it exists.  I would argue that within the last 100 years, rape of BW is done by BM, not WM.

3.    His johnson is pink. Ans. Actually it’s light brown, but thanks for being interested. LOL

GoldenAh: I fell out of my chair at this one.

4.    His johnson isn’t big. Ans.  Judging by the compliments I’ve received from bw in bed, it’s big ENOUGH.  LOL.  All jokes aside, part of the reason BM are in the position they are in is because they judge too much of their masculinity and pride on something that doesn’t define a man.  Being a man is about a lot more than your physical body.  Choosing to identify all of your self-worth on one body part you had no control over is idiotic.  This myth came from racists attempting to scare WW out of fornicating with blacks due to potential injury.

As humorous as that sounds, BM took this racist myth and made it a source of pride.   They did the same thing with the “N” word.  Neither of those reversals of racist ideas has benefited BM or black people in general.  It’s time to let go of both of these.  Most of us (non-BM) aren’t buying it anymore either.  We’ve seen too many examples of BM who aren’t packing and it only gives all the average-sized BM an unnecessary inferiority complex that leads them to try and “prove” their manhood by acting like hyper-sexual, aggressive, violent homophobes or the super black militant crazies who secretly date WW.  LOL Ok that last part was my personal theory.

5.    He can’t satisfy a black woman. Ans.  (Rolls eyes)  Why?  Are they are different species?  Didn’t seem all that difficult to me.  If they keep coming back for more, maybe I’m doing something right?  I’ve met tall, thick, big-hipped women with smaller “canals” so the idea that they can’t be satisfied due to body type is ridiculous.

GoldenAh: Men can be so frank.

6.    It hurts black men to see black women with white men. Ans. Whose issue is that?  Hers?  Or yours.  Get over it.  Seeing WW with BM makes me feel nothing.  She doesn’t belong to me, and I don’t possess her just because we happen to have a similar skin tone.  Once again, get over it.  Stop living in the past, plz. Thx.

7.    White men don’t find black women attractive, or they will not make you a wife. Ans. I am a heterosexual man, therefore, I am attracted to WOMEN, of any race.  I can’t help it, it’s in my biology.  Neither can women.  If anyone to say they are not attracted to an entire ethnicity, they are LYING .  As for making a BW a wife?  Hundreds of thousands of WM have and it is the fastest growing IR union in the USA. Theory over?

8.    Your children will grow up confused. Ans. Children are individuals, and they can only be confused if they allow themselves to be confused by listening to negative/divisive opinions about who they are or should be.  Think Obama is “confused”?  Seems like a pretty well-adjusted evolved human to me.  “Pure-raced” young people feel confused all the time so that theory holds no water for me.

9.     Good black men exist! Ya’ll just want thugs. Ans. Wrong.  Women want confident, secure individuals with strength.  If thugs are the only BM’s projecting these qualities, then those of you weaker (Beta) BM might need to work on your self-confidence and attraction skills.

Also, in the white community, the alpha males are the most successful, not the least.  You won’t see them them hanging out on street corners looking “fly” or languishing in prison. And for the BM who are doing legitimately well, they seem to choose the lightest, brightest BW or non-BW who will have them.  This doesn’t leave a lot of attractive BM’s for BW to choose from.

What are they supposed to do?  Or that’s right, wait for you to come along, so you can string them along until you are done using them for your own personal desires. LOL I think BW are finally wising up to that game.

GoldenAh: As we can see here, even by casual observation a white man can see the game being played on black women. Wooo.

Awesome feedback, Frank M. Thanks.

***

Black Magazines, Black Fashion: Burt-Murray Goes White and Vogue Africa is Fiction

Posted on | August 1, 2010 | 15 Comments

Total Fiction: Vogue Africa

Vogue (Africa) doesn’t exist, but the pictures circulating the web are fascinating, intriguing, and perplexing. The photographer is Mario Epanya. He wanted Vogue (Conde Naste) to have this magazine showcasing Africa.

I’m curious and would like to ask: couldn’t he find investors in oil-rich Nigeria, diamond-rich South Africa, or booming Botswana to help out? I think his idea is outstanding. We can see from the cover and many more on some blogs – he obviously has the models and the talent.

Why must black men always go to white men with a cup in hand begging for something when he already has all the resources he needs to get started?

Angela Burt-Murray Prefers White

The Editor-in-Chief of Essence Magazine decided to go interracial, but only for her hiring decision(s). This appears to be the one time she believes in quality and the philosophy of “may the best wo/man win”. She wouldn’t dare encourage black women to seek men (of any race) that’s best for her. She saves the philosophy of seeking quality for herself.

Burt-Murray prefers to suggest black women go to strip clubs to find that purple unicorn “good black man” tucking $1 into LaFlowanda’s g-string. Great idea, Ms Burt-Murray. You gonna keep it real for those young women who are S.O.L. as they face a 2 million black male deficit.

Angela Burt-Murray wrote this stunning, articulate and brilliant essay explaining that the “White editor won’t diminish our love of black women.” The people who run Essence claim they have love for black women.

Oh, yeah! Dis must be love. Is this the kind of love, where your broken bones and black eyes are a result of love taps? That you complain too much, otherwise he wouldn’t have to hit you? You should be grateful he loves you, because no one can love someone such as yourself? Yeah, that kind of love.

She can keep it.

Who Should Replace Her

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t care about the fashion editor hire. I feel her comment about “quality” could apply to the following.

• Encourage black women to be open to men (any race) who are quality as opposed to any-black-male-with-a-pulse worship. Stop encouraging their involvement with baby daddys, men in relationships, men in jail, ex-cons, men seeking FWB / hookups, and actors who mysteriously cannot find a “date” in Hollyweird.

• As to her position as Editor-in-Chief, I said it on Huffington.com and I’ll say it here:

Next hire: a white woman to replace Angela Burt-Murray, because that white woman will have the vision and understanding of black women’s issues. Good hire, Time-Warner!

Her replacement can be those white women who sleep with black men featured on the cover of Essence, are given a black pass by blacks who put them on their blogs, defended by blacks who say silly things like “they’re not white”, and are called “black” due to negro-proxy*. That way Burt-Murray’s replacement wont actually be a white woman, but the modern-day black woman replacement we see featured everywhere. We wont even notice the difference.

It’s Not About Diversity

Folks can chatter about the importance of diversity in Burt-Murray’s hiring decision. Yet, I know this: one could literally find hundreds, if not thousands, of unemployed black women desperate for a job. She could have rotated the gig and given many of these black women a chance. Instead we get a high-school level snark essay about issues she think we should protest and boycott. She took the safe bet. I get it. Her bosses told her who to hire; she couldn’t come out and say it. Diversity is a catch phrase for: I don’t write the checks.

The case with Vogue in Africa and Essence is this: de boss man is de white man. But he’s not the villain here. His priorities are different. His focus is on money: advertisers, distribution, expenses, and circulation. Multiculturalism and diversity are the least of his concerns, but it makes a nice cover when you are forcing negroes to do your bidding.

However, black folks have nothing to complain about. If you want to showcase “black fashion and black beauty” in a high-end fashion magazine put your money where your mouth is.

I will tell you why it doesn’t happen: do black people really believe black women are as beautiful as white women?

Are we able to produce (without begging anybody for something) a first rate magazine? Yes, of course.

The reality is this: the effort has been tried and tried many times in the past, and you know what happens? No one bought the magazine(s).

*theroot.com – has this mess. the “blackest” white people around. this site is dr. gate’s brainchild.

Linky-Loos

1. thegrio.com: why-africa-vogue-is-considered-out-of-fashion
2. thegrio.com: essence-one-white-editor-wont-diminish-our-love-of-black-women
3. thegrio.com: essence-white-editor-caught-up-in-off-color-controversy
4. clutchmagonline.com: hires-white-fashion-director-leaves-loyal-readers-asking-why
5. huffingtonpost: essence hires white fashion editor

Weight Loss Weirdness

Posted on | July 19, 2010 | 23 Comments

It’s All in My Head

I’ve lost 25 lbs since April. I didn’t feel overweight, fat or obese back then. I was content. But boy, oh boy, do I feel super-heavy, super-big now.

Isn’t that odd?

I can now wear clothes I had buried in the closet, because they wouldn’t fit before. I can confidently say I look better.

Yet, I’m uncomfortable, like I don’t look good enough. It is a bizarre, strange, almost there feeling.

Closet Case

My Mom likes to say some people look better with more weight. She gets scared when I start dropping the pounds. I can lose a lot when I want to. I calmly tell her I’d just like to wear all the clothes in my wardrobe. I tell her it’s for my health, which is true.

It’s rough looking at a closet full of clothes and complaining, “I have nothing to wear!”

The oddest thing is that because it is the middle of the summer, this is the easiest time for me to drop the pounds. The real challenge will be when it gets cold.

Am I set to lose more? Yes, I am.

Top of the Morning

I walk for an hour every morning, sometimes more, before it gets stinking miserable hot. I’ll be back at the gym come September. I was in there almost daily from April to June, but my personal trainer suggested I go outside for a bit – change my routine. I was hitting a plateau.

I’ll tell you what gets me going as well: green teas (hot or cold) and my morning blend drinks with spoonfuls of yogurt. I like making strawberry and blueberry drinks with yogurt, or just banana-carrot drinks. People make a face when I tell them about the banana-carrot combo. But don’t knock it until you’ve tried it: bananas are all sugary.

And doesn’t everybody eat the two together in cakes?

Lunch and dinner is a toss-up. I still eat whatever I want. I just make sure I know the exact amount of calories I consume.

Followed by lots of water.

I don’t sweat over mid-week fluctuations of 3-5lbs. I know that’s just water retention, or not cleansing out my system properly.

In case you are wondering: I can now wear those tight, straight legged, size 12 jeans.

2nd to My Obsession with Men Is Natural Hair and the Blow-Out

Posted on | July 19, 2010 | 2 Comments

Premiere’s List: 40 Most Handsome Hollywood Men

Posted on | July 8, 2010 | 48 Comments

Chopped, modified, and borrowed from premiere.com. By: Premiere.com Staff, 08/21/2009 11:51 am

Mentally, I cross off the guys that still look like kids (at least to me). What’s left are these guys – in no particular order – that are a little rough around the edges (some might be geezers to y’all):

• Bradley Cooper,
• Ryan Reynolds,
• Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,
• Johnny Depp (I just love him, it’s not about the looks anymore),
• Eric Bana (goofy sexy),
• Aaron Eckhart (slobber / drool),
• Idris Elba (sorta has a sneaky vibe, but nice to look at),
• Daniel Craig (fugly sexy),
• Dennis Quaid,
• Ed Burns (I can’t stand him, but yeah, I’d do him),
• and old school handsome George Clooney (I like looking at him, not really interested in touching).

The other guys: Meh.

My snarky comments are under the picture captions.

Update: I tell you, the ladies added way way hotter additions than what Premiere came up with. See the comments section.

1. James Franco

2. Robert Pattinson

3. Bradley Cooper

4. Hugh Jackman

5. Josh Duhamel

6. Ryan Reynolds

7. Jake Gyllenhaal

8. Christian Bale

My addition: Sam Worthington

9. Channing Tatum

10. Orlando Bloom

11. James Marsden

12. Brad Pitt

13. Jamie Foxx

14. Gerard Butler

15. Joseph Gordon Levitt

16. Zac Efron

17. Chris Pine

18. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

19. Jonathan Rhys Meyers

20. Jay Hernandez

21. Robert Downey Jr.

22. Denzel Washington

23. Johnny Depp

24. Leonardo DiCaprio

25. Emile Hirsch

26. Chris Messina

27. Paul Rudd

28. Eric Bana

29. Tyrese Gibson

30. Aaron Eckhart

31. Gael García Bernal

32. Idris Elba

33. Daniel Craig

34. Ryan Gosling

35. Josh Lucas

36. Dennis Quaid

37. Milo Ventimiglia

38. Ed Burns

39. George Clooney

40. Ewan McGregor

Johnny Cash: Hurt

Posted on | June 28, 2010 | 1 Comment

I was going to write about forgiveness, of the self, but this song just tops that. This is a cover of Trent Reznor’s Hurt,  but I like Johnny Cash’s version a bit more.

Rant: I Need My Own Cyrano De Bergerac

Posted on | June 24, 2010 | 11 Comments

Granted, I can be a decent writer when I’m angry or in an especially good mood. I think my writing is even superb when I work at it.

But I’m thinking there’s something off when I write a personal ad or even a resume. It’s odd how I put those two together, but they both require a level of selling (of the self) that I’m not great at. I’m used to taking classes all of my life on how to be a dutiful student and corporate worker-bee drone, but not showcase myself.

There’s a teaching methodology of pushing learned helplessness, as opposed to independence (and I don’t mean false self-esteem) in these schooling systems that needs to be eviscerated.

I didn’t believe self-promotion was necessary – I thought “sales” was something everyone else did. Yet, little did I realize it’s the lifeblood of western society. Part of me still thinks it’s not necessary. Part of me also wonders: Where do I draw the line on describing how incredibly awesome I am (said entirely tongue-in-cheek)?

Not only that – do men actually read? I think I’m enviously starting to “hate on” women who say they’ve searched online for Mr. Right and he appears within three weeks, or even three months.

To top off my aggravation meter, the man (and I mean man) speaks to her like an adult, not a wannabe porn star.

Do guys ever realize that some women are completely turned off by constant and instantaneous sex talk? Would it hurt to even ask if that’s appropriate? Why must I be the schoolmarm and tell them it’s lame? Doesn’t anyone have any class or common sense anymore? Were all these people brought up in animal shelters?

I get that this is a hookup-instant-sex-too-much-information society. I don’t roll at that speed. I never will. I don’t roll into instant information: I like breathing space. Let me slowly process who you are. There’s no difference between meeting someone online and chatting and bar pickups. I’ve done it all. I’ve gone everywhere (meetups, church, just walking, etc.) and I still meet the same guy(s).

I know what I’m doing wrong: I should have been born during an era where people had clearly defined social rules or something. Or maybe in the future when people regain their sanity.

Yeah, I get that this is how it is. I would like to know where are the grown men? Because all I’m meeting are adolescents in the body of 30 and 40 year olds. Don’t get me wrong, I’m meeting guys! I would just like them to be mature men.

‘Cause I’m too old for the silly nonsense now.

Brooks Brothers: Man Candies of the Week

Posted on | June 16, 2010 | 31 Comments

Speaking of Mad Men. Don’t they look sharp?

I'll have a gin with lime. Thank you, darlin'.

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Almost too foine for words.

Stop staring so hard Pinkie, you're scaring people.

For Black Women: When Your Choices Make Other People Or Your “Friends” Mad

Posted on | June 4, 2010 | 18 Comments

The following comment, and question, was sent to me by the intelligent and lovely Chocolatestar:

I wanted to send you this video and get your thoughts on this. I’m not sure if it’s just me and my strong opinionated personality, but i’m quite tired of black women bashing other black women, who call black men out on their self destructing behavior and hatred for their women.

Is it a crime to not be attracted to their characteristics( emotionally damaged, etc) or even want to take risks on black men, especially after observing the resulting trends.

I’m so tired of hearing how there are so many good black men out here, if i was interested in them I would be saying where they at, where they at. It’s funny who this chick ended up with after all.

I just recently ended a friendship with a bw, who was a christian extremist.

I sent her your essay on “Why white men are better” and she flipped her lid, saying that she has a black son and will never sabotage black men, because she love them so much and will only date a black man (yet the best man she ever had, her words, was a guy who was a drug dealer her babies daddy and eventually got shot down) and anyone blogging and reading essays bashing black men needs help.

Yet many have ran her through the dirt She went too far excusing their trending behavior with bible versus and the antebellum era. I tired to tell her that the essay to me was a clever way of counterbalancing the attacks bestowed upon black women who prefer white men over the ” kings” of the world bm ( yeah right).

Anyway I probably could rant more, but I have a test in the morning.

“Resurrection” – The Lost Black Man

I left out the video link. There are dozens, if not more, videos made by “strong”, “angry”, and “resentful” ultra-black wo/men demanding black women regard all black males with adoration, worship, reverence, and extreme diffidence. To place the value of any man before God tells you well enough that some people are a few fries short of a $1 happy meal.

There are people who believe black women compete (in any arena) with black men. It’s an amazing fallacy that has little merit in the real, mainstream, global, and international patriarchal world. Black women mostly struggle with financial sacrificing, relationship sustaining, parenting, and “saving the black community” alone. That’s not a strong functioning matriarchal system, that’s living with male abandonment.

Black men are in competition with other men. All men are. It’s a man’s world. That’s never changed, and never will. The fact is black men lost – roughly 500 years ago. It’s likely they’re never going to catch up. At least, not for the next 100 years.

Black women cannot win it for them, no matter how hard they try to “man up” and do it. Which is why there are black women on YouTube, blogs, writing books, making hostile comments, and singing songs trying to “resurrect” black males back into the game. It wont work by encouraging an orgasmic savoring of masochism, sexism, and racism amongst black women, or false idol worship of black men. Her loss is not a black male’s gain.

But hey, good luck with that strategy folks. We can see from the last 30 plus years how well that’s worked out.

Friend of My Friend, Friend of My Enemy

I’d advise you not to argue with your friends, non-friends, and strangers about the men you may choose as a partner in life. No one actually has a say in the matter. What they think is irrelevant. If we go to them about these issues, it’s like we are looking for their acceptance. And we really cannot have that, can we? Do we go to the poor on how to become rich?

I’d also suggest you let your friends be if they are the ride-or-die, or black men only, type. We’d all like to be on the same page with our friends, but sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. However, since this person is vehemently against non-black men to the point of belligerent, irrational racism, and it will cause you personal pain (and don’t we always run into people like that?), then yeah, you are right to cut them loose.

As for the video, you may be surprised, but my feeling about the criticism of black women like us from militant black wo/men is: C’est la vie. Shrug. I don’t care. Sure, sometimes I’d like to smack some sense into them. Yet, if the Titanic is sinking, and they don’t care: What’s there for us to worry about? Our goal is to make sure we are not on the ship with them.

To a degree we love (most) of our people(s). We’d love to see all of them behave rationally, intelligently, do well, and be happy. But at the end of the day – we all gotta choose our own paths. We have to worry about our own happiness first and foremost.

So I ask you, ignore the hate, don’t seek these forums / idiotic people out. It’ll make you miserable.

You sound like you have your life together, so keep on pressing on. ‘Cause when you listen to these morons, whether you think it affects you or not, you may end up sabotaging yourself in the future.

The subconscious is one hell of a thing to get a handle on.

Ego Kills Friendship and Love

Posted on | May 31, 2010 | 1 Comment

Interesting. This video got me thinking. Might not be everyone’s cup of tea though.

One Eskimo ‘Kandi’

Posted on | May 24, 2010 | 1 Comment

Man, I like this song, so soulful. I heard this on the last episode of Bones.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Posted on | May 18, 2010 | No Comments

Embrace the nervousness! Conquer the fears!

More information here.

Shyness and Society Anxiety

Posted on | May 18, 2010 | 2 Comments

For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha”

Posted on | May 5, 2010 | 43 Comments

When a white man is buddies with a “brotha”, I know I don’t want him. The white guy doesn’t have to “hate” black men, but if he’s one of those white guys who feels like he needs to have street cred, or likes to call black men “brothas”, then I don’t wanna see ya. I want a guy who is “white.” He must be all the whiteness he can be: Abercrombie and Fitch, Brooks Brothers type of man, yo.

So if a white man is getting even within firing range of the toxic zone misogynistic mentality of some of these black male cretins, that tells me his mind is getting polluted with vicious anti-bw propaganda. And I’ve met my share who wanna be down with the homies.

Oh, hell no. Go away.

Why?

Well, looky-looky here. I want to bring your attention to this comment by Paul G. all excerpted from Clutch online. His comment is part of the article: The View From the Other Room: What White Men Think About Dating Black Women.

By the way, I rarely read their comments section, it’s always the same eight people.

Here’s what Paul G. said about black women (the brackets are my comments):

It’s not the media that scares me away from not wanting to date a black women, it’s black men that make me think differently.

[GoldenAh: Are you really this simpleminded?]

I say that to say this, and I’m only giving you my observation… I see a lot of black men running around with a white girl on their arm, which is fine, but when I’ve sat down with brothers and asked them why they don’t like dating black women, they always have something negative to say about you guys, whether it be your attitude, your jealousy, or the thought that you guys want to play the man of the house. I don’t need to watch to TV to see what I can see when I walk down the block. But I don’t have to buy into that either, which I don’t, but I am aware of what’s being said about yall by your own men.

[GoldenAh: They are not my men, or our men. And that, dear Sir, is the problem right there.]

It’s a shame to see that. – Paul G.

I don’t know the man. I’ve skimmed over the comments of all of the white guys whose comments make up part of the article. But this guy’s words hung around like an eye stinging fart in an elevator.

It just reads like, “Who you goin’ to believe? Me or your lying eyes?” (Richard Pryor).

Remember that song, “Don’t ask my neighbor, come to me”? Well, my advice is, if you want to know about black women: come talk to us. The “brothas” hate their own mothers and sisters, that should tell you everything what’s wrong with them.

A guy like Paul G. can continue to stay far far away from black women, because he values the words of anti-bw misogynists over valuing us as just women. The guy is a coward, plain and simple. He, too, is a sexist racist. That’s my take. He can dress it up in blaming how “da brothas” around him talk their crap, or whatever negativity he’s looking for in the media, but at the end of the day: he is taking heed.

If you wanted to know the kind of white guys to stay away from, Paul G. fits the profile.

I ain’t mad at the dude, he’s made me realize how poisonous and evil these negroes are.

Goals Reset: Where Has the Time Gone? It’s May Already!!!!

Posted on | May 4, 2010 | No Comments

Oh my goodness! This is crazy. I mean we are almost at the half point of this year already!

Where did the time go? I’m scared I will look around and it’ll be Christmas again.

Time for me to start my New Year’s Resolutions all over again.

Gym Rat / Weight Loss

I’ve been at the gym 5 days out of 7. My body can’t handle the daily grind as I initially thought, but at least the aches and pains are gone. Boy, do I love weight lifting. I do that every time I go, and I alternate the treadmill and bike riding. Based on my body type, which is Mesomorphic / Mesomorph. I’ve lost 10 lbs since April 1, not bad. Usually, I can only drop 2 lbs a month, but I think my updated routine has made it easier to lose.

Why Me, Lord?

Why does everything necessitate talking to people who don’t like me,  and I don’t like them? Seriously, I’m not talking blog land. I mean out in the “real world.” No one ever leaves intermediate or high school. It’s the same people over and over again.

Nice People

It’s interesting to hear about people you’ve met only once or twice inquiring after you. I don’t know, I always get a warm and fuzzy feeling from it. Well, I’m always asking after them. Good vibrations go both ways.

It’s Too Warm To Hide

It’s like when the personal trainer and I were talking and he asked, “So why now?” Dude! Because by June, you will have nowhere to hide. The clothes wont cover the butt or hips. Part of what makes me look really big is my chest. Some women don’t like losing weight there: I look forward to it! I’ve got enough bosom to spare. I can barely run because of it. Ugh.

I Love the Summer, I Hate the Summer

I actually find it more boring than the winter. I like mild weather, like how it is now in the Northeast. But when it gets hotter. I dunno. I don’t like festivals, street parties or outdoor events. I loved them as a child. Man, those were the greatest years of my life. Today, the only thing I truly find interesting is traveling to different countries. That takes time and money. My goals is to get going by September. Again.

Money

I love what it can do for you. I don’t have this mindset that it is the “root of all evil.” Its purpose is to be used like the TOOL (in a positive meaning) that it is. I think people get confused with what money does. If you don’t have money, remember that BARTERING is what existed before coinage came about. Always remember that favors / good advice are basically priceless, in essence, especially coming from the right people.

I Gotta Hurry Up

The only thing that irritates me about myself is the inability to rush things. I’m not an efficient multitasking type of person. I’m an old fashioned needle-style record player: one track at a time. I need things to be just right. Although I am aware that a perfectionist streak is a good mask for hiding fear of failure. I take too long. My goal is get it done. I will fix is as I go along, but things must get done. Otherwise, we stagnate, right?

Breaking the Introvert Habits

I remember being more outgoing as a kid. I took a class that said Introverts become more “closed” as they get older. Hey, for people like me, the daily exercise is to talk to someone (in the real world) everyday. Even if it is to ask the time. Co-workers don’t count. People I already know don’t count.

That’s the one constant I have to maintain: talking to people!

Feedback

As always is welcome, if you have any goals, spell ‘em out. I like cheering people on. Have a good one.

Cheers everybody.

For Black Women: White Men Hunting – Lesson Number 92

Posted on | April 23, 2010 | 13 Comments

Sometimes the comments are so good, they get their own posts.

In this one, White Men Hunting – Lesson Number 92, you will have the answers to oft-repeated questions, such as:

• Where are the white men?
• How do I find one?
• How do I get one to ask me out?
• I don’t look like Beyonce or Halle, will they like me?
• Am I too old at age (fill in the blank)?

Starting with the excellent comment by Anna (middle name). She addresses the age-old issue of: Now, how are white men supposed to know you like them if you never hang around them?

Anna (middle name) says:

If you want to be in the swirl, there is one way to make that happen that is only obvious after someone connects the dots for you. That’s how it happened for me, too.

What is it, you ask?

Just hang out with white guys. Even if none of those guys that you’re hanging with ask you out, other WM will see you with them, figure that you actually must like white guys and be comfortable around them, approach you, and ask you out. It works like a charm.

I know. I am 26, and in the roughly 18 months I’ve been hanging out with these three white guys I know, I’ve been asked out by three different white guys, guys that are friends of my friends. And one of those guys I went out with is now my steady boo.

I’m not Beyonce and I’m not Paula Patton or Eve, either. I am not beautiful, I’m average looking. I’m thin (white guys like that), but other than that, I look like a lot of other black chicks. I’m just average.

I hear BW that want to meet white men say they want to meet white guys, but they can’t, but then, they’re never around any white people, so I don’t know they’re expecting to meet white guys that way. If all you’re around is black people, then all you’re going to meet is more black people, ladies.

Make friends with some white men, even if those guys are not guys you would want to date. Be seen with those white guys by other white guys, some of which you will want to date. This simple formula eluded me for a long time. It’s blindingly obvious once it’s obvious, right?

Put yourself in front of WM that are dating material by socializing with other white men. This really, really works. And, it also helps you get to know white guys a lot better so that when the “dating material” guy shows up, you are ready to communicate (wink) with him. You’ve already had your tutorial on white men, you’re ready to go.

And before any of you grow shy and dismiss your own chances, read the following two comments of encouragement.

The next is by the lovely sistahwuman with a wonderful relationship. (And I still want her man.)

sistahwuman says:

It’s been my experience that you just never know with WM in terms of which one will be open to dating a BW. I have always solved this problem by being open to any quality man, even if I thought the chances of him wanting to date IR were probably low. My current situation is a great example.

As I mentioned before, my boyfriend looks to be just about the whitest guy in the world. Nothing unusual about him, he dresses conservatively, he speaks like he came out of prep school, which he did, and he’s tall and good-looking, but in a low-key sort of way. And if you knew him, you would know that he drinks scotch straight up, smokes cigars, watches football, etc. Typical guy stuff, especially typical white guy stuff, but throw in the fact that he’s a handsome guy and doesn’t lack for offers of female company, also makes a good living at a stodgy old firm, and as a BW, you might say that your chances with such a guy are probably not great. He’s just too white! Am I right?

But, I made sure he knew I was interested in him. You can’t win if you don’t play, right, ladies? And much to my surprise, he responded to that interest immediately.

Here is something else: that calm exterior hides a hot, passionate nature underneath. Wow!

So, you just never know. My advice to all those BW considering an IR is to try not to knock anyone out of contention based on your initial perception of them. Obviously, some men will eliminate themselves immediately by saying or doing something stupid or disrespectful, but that happens across all races. No, I’m talking about the kind of guys that play it close to the vest, the ones that are laying back until they get a signal from you that it’s ok to approach you. All these other sisters know what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Most WM of any kind of substance are going to be cautious in their approach. So, all I’m saying is, your initial impression of his level of his real or potential interest in you may not be accurate – my man says he noticed me immediately and was quite attracted to me, but did nothing to alert me to that until he got the go-ahead from me in conversation.

Just sayin’.

You don’t have to be perfect to find the perfect situation.

Last, but not least, the wise words of magicwoman. You can never be too old. It’s never too late to start looking.

magicwoman says:

First of all, I am 44.

Second, in the interests of keeping it as real as possible here, I want to list all the cons that any honest BW would say I bring to the table in terms of a possible IR relationship:

I am 44.

I am a dark sister.

I am tall, 5′10″.

I wear my hair short and natural.

My financial situation is shaky and always has been.

I have a very large, surly black teenage son who resents any man that is around his mother.

I am smart, but I got an awful education. Sometimes it’s tough for me to participate in certain conversations because I just don’t know enough about the subject.

I have a large, goofy dog that flings himself at everyone he likes even a little bit.

Here are the pros:

I still have a great body, thank god. I am slim, but curvy. I hit the gym hard.

I have a wonderful smile, with dazzling white teeth.

I still have a pretty face.

I’m a nice person and people seem to be able to sense that.

I’m smart, even if not well-educated.

I like the same music most WM my age like – more important than you think.

I’m not a complainer or a whiner – WM love this.

I take of my man in every way possible, from the little things to the big things. What BM just expect, WM are always just surprised to get. My guy says he’s never felt so looked after in his whole life.

I have a big goofy dog that most WM like when the dog is not trying to lick them to death.

All I’m saying here is that whatever pros and cons come with you, as long as it’s an even contest (or maybe one or two more things in the pro column), you can find someone. You’re almost 40? So what!

You don’t think there is a white guy that is 40 years old that would like to meet, and then date, a wonderful, attractive sister? I can assure you, there are plenty.

Look at the drawbacks I’m working with here! Just my age and the fact that I have a large, unhappy-looking black teenage son in the house should be enough to send most white guys running for the hills.

But I found someone, someone I love very much and someone who loves me very much. He’s a huge white guy, a gentle giant that has a heart of gold. And, btw, the kid is starting to come around to him.

He’s told me that he wishes he had met me in his twenties because he’s never been so happy, and I feel the same exact way, but sometimes happiness doesn’t run on the schedule you prefer.

Sorry this has rambled on so long, but I guess my message to PhillyGirl is, whatever list of pluses and minuses you have for yourself, don’t write off your chances of finding love (and marriage, if you want it) with a WM. It can happen.

I couldn’t have said it better. {Virtual hugs for everyone!}

Happy white man hunting, ladies! Make me proud.

Rant: What I Dislike About Being a Black Woman Sometimes

Posted on | April 20, 2010 | 3 Comments

Oh, I like being a woman who’s also “black”, just fine, it’s people getting on my nerves that ruins it.

You are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

People like making up these “what a black woman shouldn’t do” rules, because they are emotional bullies, hypocrites, and misogynists.

If you work for your money, you are a bank. If you are broke, you are persona non grata.

If you express joy and satisfaction in making money, men call you mercenary. If you show little interest in money people become incredulous, because you’re supposed to be stressing over it. I recognize my limitations with fiscal sophistication. I manage as best I can. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. Yet I don’t become smug or condescending because of it.

If you are single, people think your time isn’t worth anything. They assume it can be harnessed for the benefit of the married, or not married, with children, and the selfish. I cannot stand “bring your brats to work” day at the job. The parents think only the singles should work. I take the day off if they plan on being that disruptive.

Your achievements make people envious, upset, and testy. If I’m not taking from you, why worry about my business? Folks like to think that every black woman is at the bottom, and it upsets them if we are doing better than them.

Your setbacks make their day. Oh, they practice schadenfreude like a religion.

Men assume you will play Big Momma to them, because you get up every morning and work. What else am I supposed to do? Sit at home? Will you pay the bills, sir? Should I yearn to earn less than the average man at the same job?

Years ago, I had a guy tell me he likes me, because I work for “good money” and his future ex-girlfriend did not. He said she worked with the expectation of being an at-home mother. So, I’m supposed to be complimented with the assumption that I wouldn’t want to stay home and raise my kids too? WTF? This was coming from a white dude (ex-gf being white) who grew up among wolves … oh, sorry, black guys.

If you do not have children men will say, “I’m sorry.” I’ve never expressed regret that I do not have any. So, why am I supposed to be sorry? Not every woman who has a uterus has to use it. There is more to us than childbearing.

Some men assume that black women are so manly that we can all lift heavy weights, work out strenuously, and perform heavy-duty tasks like men. Back the hell up with that nonsense. I tell ‘em straight, “I’m not a man. I’m delicate.” I get cold easily. I cannot lift heavy weights. The only place I’m running is on a treadmill. I don’t do anything to injure myself.

If you own property, a fellow will ask you why you bought it, as if I have the nerve to live in a house without his permission.

If you drive a nice car, jerks will ask you who bought it for you. This can go either way, if I bought it myself, I’m showing off, if a guy bought it for me… Oh well, let’s not go there.

Leave me alone about how I wear my hair. Seriously. Some people are looking to get the crap knocked out of them.

I don’t require anyone’s permission to do anything. I just go ahead and do.

Hey, black guys! If we accidentally make eye contact, that doesn’t mean I’m interested! If you are with a white woman: Leave me alone. What is with you guys? You’ve got your prize, no one cares, especially not me. I cannot tell you the number of times some negro acts up whenever he’s got a white chick by his side. I don’t even notice these fools until they say something, or they stare so long I can feel it.

Regardless of what some fellows think, just because I am a black woman, don’t even try and tell what I can or cannot do. I’ve heard enough from the “you-just-can’t” losers all of my life, and it didn’t, and it doesn’t stop me from having the life I want.

I do, and get, what I want, when I want, and how I want. That’s my motto since Day 1, and it always will be.

keep looking »

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