Decepticons: The Jason Collins Story and Wasting Years of Your Life Waiting on Him

Long-winded title, but hoping you get the point.

Maybe you’ve heard about it. Maybe you’ve been blissfully unaware of the hullabaloo that’s dominated the mainstream media for a couple of days.

See, what happened is an NBA baller (snicker) earned his 15 minutes of fame by declaring that he is – wait for it – wait for it – “gay.” Such an interesting euphemism. However, this is the deal: Jason Collins realizes that he enjoys, prefers and wants to have SEX, MAKE LOVE and HAVE RELATIONSHIPS with other men.

And he truly believes we, meaning everybody on the planet, needed to know this. Whamp. Whamp. (Sound of sad trumpet blaring.)

After I stopped laughing over the last few days, my hands were steady enough to compose this post. Ay, yay yay.


He Was Afraid of What Now?

Jason Collins is 7 feet tall. He’s a multimillionaire. He attended Stanford University. He knows the Clintons, Obama and other elites. That’s a big, powerful, well connected and wealthy closet he chose to climb out of.

So, I just wanna ask: How could anybody so ridiculously massive and intimidating claim to be fearful of being “gay” in this day and age? I mean, someone is gonna talk smack to a big black guy nearly 300 lbs in weight? LOL.

This is ridiculous.

Our Pretender-In-Chief, The Man Who Never Stops Campaigning

Obama felt the need to thrust himself into this particular spotlight by calling on this cloistered, privileged, bench-warming and obscure NBA player. He had to congratulate him on being a homosexual. That’s important. Really, really important. Glad to know what the President’s priorities are. ‘Cause it’s not like he’s able to work with Congress. It’s not like he can focus on the economy. He’s got better things to do. Like playing golf, shooting hoops, coming up with those all-important March-madness brackets, etc.

He shows us he can focus: Michelle once complained that she was a “single mother.” Totally understandable. He’s a busy man.

And at the press conference he needed to mention it again. There are homosexuals and lesbians playing professional sports. Who’da thunkit?

Maybe at the start of each game, as they introduce the players, announcers can add: “Welcome player number zero, OchinoDumbo. He’s a heterosexual from Baltimore, with 12 children from his 5 baby mommas. Yet, on long trips, he can be delightfully bi-curious.”

Waiting 8 Years on a DeceptiCon

The part of this story that I find interesting is who got the stiff (oh, wrong word), er, raw end of this deal. Seems that Jason had a white woman, whose name is Moos (I am not making this up), that he DATED for 8 YEARS. Even was engaged to be married to.

Now, ain’t this a blip?

This relationship didn’t end when he was a young man, maybe still confused, torn or excited. This dude was about 30, if not older, when he changed his mind. But he rode (oh, wrong word again), used this woman as his golden beard for 8 long years, while he thought, supposedly agonized, and mulled it over.

Meanwhile, she said on one of those interviews that she, “Had a script of how life was going to be”, or something to that extent.

What the Problem Is

It is NOT that he’s (finally) admitted he enjoys the sweet, sweet taste of sweaty scrotum. No, not at all. More people should be honest – they just don’t have to tell the whole world. No one really cares. The issue is that Jason Collins deceived a woman, used her youth, her fertility, her time and her mental “scripting” while he knew he was living a lie.

That is down low behavior, which is foul and the heart of how a DeceptiCon behaves. It ain’t right.

Now, people may sympathize with his conflicts, or situations, but it doesn’t mean he had to drag her into it. And for such a long time.

Ms Moos is partly at fault as well. You don’t hang onto a man for that long. I don’t care if you knew him from way back when, like in high school or college. At some point, you either cut bait or reel him in. I know, I know, she was waiting for the “pay off.” And the cynic in me feels that, she would have been satisfied being married to a man who occasionally played for the other team. Discretely, of course.

Well, that kind of arrangement is nothing new. She wouldn’t have mind, because she’d have the money, status and “stability.” Plus, a divorce or alimony would have been sufficient compensation for the “estrangement of affections.”

Black Women Get Reamed This Way Quite Often

My last bit of surprise is that this was a “well-educated good black man”, a.k.a. purple unicorn, pulling this kind of DeceptiCon on a white woman. Look, I won’t front, I honestly thought that when you see an IR couple, and it’s BM / WW, even if he’s gonna have his “issues” – he’s going to be genuinely attracted to her. You know, there’s that Mandingo, Snowbunny, Jungle Fever lust and “white women let me be a man” kind of thing going on.

This changes my perception, ’cause here we got a black guy who was being a DeceptiCon (on the down low) with a pretty blonde white woman for 8 years!!! This is the kind of thing that gets shrugged at if the woman is black. Does anyone really think the media would even be talking to a black ex-girlfriend about Jason Collins? Color me skeptical.

I noticed the media wasn’t sure how to handle Ms Moos: Was she a victim or will she play the sympathetic understanding woman? This involved competing angles: the 7 feet tall big black “gay” man vs a pretty blond ex-fiancee. I’d say Jason Collins got the slight edge. He won the homecoming queen crown of this event.

Shock and Oh Hell Naw

And what a gut punch that confession must have been for Ms Moos, which happened well before the media got full wind of it.

She wasted 8 years!!!! on a man who she now has to “replay those scripts in her head.” Those scripts where she thought he was a wonderful guy, because he NEVER cheated on her with those awful, skanky FEMALE basketball groupies. What a great and faithful guy she must have thought of her big black man. Now, she’s gotta be wondering about all those times he was out “balling” with his male friends. ‘Cause he spent so much time with his buddies, she never gave it a second thought.

I hope she’s gone through her battery of tests, being with a DeceptiCon can be deadly to a woman’s health.

Lessons for the Day

Doesn’t matter how much money he has, that pay day may never arrive.

If he’s hanging with his buddies too much, that niggling suspicious might be an accurate gut check.

A year, maybe even less, is really all you need to decide whether he’s marrying you or not. Anything longer and you are wasting your own time.

Shows that being in an IR doesn’t mean he cannot be a DeceptiCon. He might even feel more secure with his subterfuge.

And there is nothing HEROIC or COURAGEOUS about a man using a woman in such a cruel way to further his own means and ends. A man of any age can waste time, but a woman, unfortunately, cannot. Her time is of essence. It is her life and to use someone for that long a time shows a callousness that borders on being a sociopath.

So, it’s interesting to see that some black males, even when they get a hold of white women, are still a hot dysfunctional dishonest mess. He will be bringing all his baggage with him, that which he has always claimed belonged to black women.

How exhausting some of these men are.

And Congratulations to Mr Jason Collins!

You enjoy having sex with men. So do I. Welcome to the club. 😀



What Kind of Black Woman Are You?

I thoroughly enjoyed the following comment by Stacey, so I decided to make it a post.

By the way, the post title is a general question, not aimed specifically at Stacey.

The following continues the discussion originating in the Black Actress Review: Just Wright – Big Boned Gurl Gets Good Guy Balla post.

Stacey says:

Ok, I must respectfully disagree with all the pro-Morgan comments here. Just came across this forum and had to respond, seeing as how Just Wright is one of my favorite movies of all time. Morgan was a gold-digger all the through. I just don’t see why she should be praised. I have no respect for women like that. LESLIE is the one who deserves a standing ovation. She worked very hard to achieve her goals–even bought her own house (on her OWN) Leslie had a heart-of-gold. She cared about all the people around her. She didn’t have any ulterior motives. Leslie was genuine, REAL. And that’s why I rooted for her from beginning to end.

I can relate so much more to Leslie than Morgan. Because I don’t feel that I need to bat my eyelashes and manipulate a man to get ahead. Just like Leslie, I want to be able to pay my own way.

I LOVE the way the movie ended. Scott finally opened his yes and realized that Leslie’s “The One”. And I love that Leslie didn’t have to change who she was. I love that she was still wearing her favorite Nets jersey at the end. She didn’t have to convert to some shallow glamour-girl to get her dream-guy. Leslie was fine just the way she was–there was no need for her to change. One of my fav moments of the movie: Scott gazing at Leslie when they were both sitting at the piano(he so wanted to kiss her)…and she was in her robe, without an ounce of make-up on—LOVE it!

And I gotta admit that I actually gained some respect for Morgan in the end(she realized that Scott was in love with Leslie and told him where to find her) Morgan could’ve schemed and plotted (although, it wouldn’t have done any good because Scott was already on his way to find Leslie–he even told Morgan, “I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna work)

Leslie was beautiful on the inside AND the outside. She didn’t care about Scott’s fame and fortune. She was up at 3 in the morn, giving him a pep-talk because she truly cared. The movie ended just as it should have: two people coming together for the right reason–because they truly love and respect each other, because they’re meant to be together. From their very first scene, it was obvious to me that Scott & Leslie belong together. They just fit together so perfectly. And this movie remains one of my all-time fav
rom-coms. KUDOS to Queen Latifah & Common!




Hello, Stacey. I liked your comment. You’ve given me so much to work with, but I’ll only bite a few portions.

I see what you mean, but this was about a movie that took what was unrealistic and made it into an interesting fairy tale. We were discussing how reality would have played out, and in each and every case Morgan would be the winner.

Morgan is Old School

I really believe black women hear such ridiculous, hypocritical, contradictory nonsense from black males they aren’t sure what they want to be.

Morgan is not a gold digger. There’s no reason to resent, dislike or be angry with her. She’s a realist. Her behavior was very feminine, self-assured, flirty, alluring and mysterious. She knew how to make (and keep) a man interested. That’s very normal and healthy. It is not manipulating a man!!! It is just a subtle way of saying, “Hey, I like you, you can chase me if you want.”

She was what most women were at one time – looking for a husband with the financial means to support his family. I know that’s changed in these times. Frankly, I look at her as being old fashioned. She was doing something that worked in an era where people understood social cues and signals.

Today, everybody seems rather lost about how to behave, even in showing basic manners. We’re lucky if we find a guy who doesn’t insist we pay for the meal, and simply wants to go Dutch. The meal tastes better if from jump he wants to pay and leaves a decent tip for the server. He looks like a good guy if he wants to take care of you. That’s a winner. That’s the best feeling in the world.

Leslie is What’s Up Now With Black Women

As for the “hardworking modern woman” character, Leslie is doing what she has to do. Like most of us, paying our own way is the default mode of life regardless. And that’s fine. We live in an age where it does make sense to have your stuff. I wouldn’t deny that.

However, even if you combined Morgan and Leslie into one woman, I would prefer that Scott dealt with Morgan’s personality and looks, while Leslie’s characteristics stayed (mostly) hidden.


The Ethical Flaw and Self-Harm

The problem with Leslie is that she was an employee whose job it was to look after Scott. I know if he was a white / Asian / Latino guy, you’d probably see immediately the problem with her cooking, cleaning and sexing him while he’s emotionally unavailable, on the rebound (still in love with Morgan), and working hard to do her job in making him physically / mentally fit to return to work. She may have fallen in love with Scott, but she endangered herself professionally and emotionally. She had a serious lapse of ethics and muddled her own waters while on the job.

Plus, Scott’s relationship with Morgan hadn’t achieved a clean break. They were still at an impasse. Breaking up and constantly making up is normal. There are plenty of couples who even after they divorce still find themselves having sex, cohabiting and doing other things because they haven’t really untied all the strings.

Leslie was setting herself up for some serious hurt while allowing herself to be the in between chick. She was the third wheel. She was the one who made herself available during a time she should have kept some distance from Scott.

In reality, she could be viewed as the man-stealing backstabber.

What If The Situation Was Reversed?

Just Wright  is clever in making Leslie the underdog, and she fits the type of woman who’s relaxed in her own skin. That’s cool.

But let’s switch it up. Imagine her as a guy who makes no effort to bathe, brush his hair / teeth, or groom himself even in your presence when he’s “relaxed”. Would you really find him attractive?

If he was fat, out-of-shape, a bit abrasive, has limited resources, and you were missing your ex-boo who’s smoking hot, though annoying, would you really find him attractive? Would you really consider him for a minute?

If you hired a guy to take care of your household chores, cook, clean or do something necessary and crucial for you, would you consider sleeping with him even though you were still thinking of your smoking hot ex?

We certainly love our double-standards. He should be tall, handsome, fit, rich and a balla. While he should be happy with our hefty, gaudy, rough, unfeminine appearance, because we’re keeping it real, and he’ll love us since we are the biggest fan of his sport. Considering that if he’s a baller, everybody would be a fan. He’d be swollen headed and expect the adoration.

In a sense, that entire angle is a wash.

What Kind of Black Woman?

You know why Morgan is very feminine? Obviously, she’s not working. And whether her character is likable or not, her decision to find a husband is supported by her family. She has time to devote to her looks. She’s making it clear to the men she’s attracting that her looks are a symbol of self-love. She also wants the man to admire the effort she makes in looking good, not just for herself, but for him.

Trying to look attractive for a man is not a crying shame. It is not bad. It is part of the mating dance. I believe a woman can be sexy in a hoody, but it depends on how she wants to wear it. But she has to be comfortable in her own skin.

Leslie is to be applauded for being a “worker”, but that doesn’t entitle her to a wealthy, handsome, tall man as a reward for “good behavior.” It doesn’t work in real life either.

What Men Are Really Like

Most normal, well functioning guys aren’t going to be dating your wallet, house, car, degrees or status. A good number will resent hearing anything about your “stuff” even if he has more than what you have.

For all we know, Morgan has stuff, but she has the good sense to let herself be the prize Scott has to attain.

And that’s the one thing this movie doesn’t really inform us of. Men are predatory animals, and in this story for the romantic angle, a good thing, of course. When Scott, as the wealthy balla, decides to pursue Morgan, he’s not going for her monetary assets or status – he sees someone who interests him, raises his curiosity, likely sexually arouses him and makes him want to PURSUE her.

That’s why we admired Morgan, she understood the game and played it well. Unfortunately, the movie leaves out that entire courtship, which is a shame.

Reality Checks

We understand that Leslie was the movie’s Cinderella, but as stated before, she did it at the wrong time and wrong place, which was not realistic at all.

While it was a fun movie, I was uncomfortable with what it was teaching black women. We have enough stories (from real life)  where the women do it all for the men and end up heart and wallet broken, because they continue to see Morgan as a negative and Leslie as a positive.

That perspective is too skewed and needs to be balanced. It’s okay to be Morgan on the outside and Leslie on the inside, but not to give it all up and away like it’s nothing. That’s been done too many times before.

It’s one thing to be ready to love a man, but a woman has to have him earn it, otherwise he wont think much of it and treat it as such. And don’t we see to much of that already?

And Leslie can shower Scott with all the cooking, sexing, love and affection after he puts a ring on it. 😀


Victimizing Black Women: NY Times Thinks Cure for Black Women and Black Family Poverty is “Let Em Out of Jail”

According to the “experts” they sought out for this article, black males have been locked up for far too long. If you want to read an institutional and media driven message – that hurts black women – the following NY Times article is a prime example:

It’s so full of wrong, it’s hard to summarize where to begin.

I would like to see all these “educated” social scientists relocate to areas where the ex-cons are. I bet there’d hardly be any takers. Yet, according to them the factors for the condition of black women is too precious. It believes the “real” problem for black women, in not finding enough black men only is because they are mostly in jail.

And that they are there longer than necessary.

Defying Common Sense: He Never Was Home

There are several issues we have to overlook just to give us this “get out of jail early” logic. There is no position that they are innocent parties unfairly accused of crimes who do not belong in prison. There is no position exploring why they refuse to graduate from high school, which would be the first and most immediate step out of poverty. There is no position that they should refrain, with some pretense at morality, from pursuing a life of criminal activity, which is harming others, in the first place.

Oh no, the crux of the article is that long term jail sentences are making things worse for single black women, because the men are taken out of the neighborhood. Thereby depriving her the means of a second income to provide for the family.

The assumption is that if the black male was present, he would be of some assistance.

Seriously? Seriously? Come on! Black males made themselves irrelevant, absenting themselves from the black nuclear family years ago, and it didn’t start with the war on drugs. They were abandoning their wives and children many years before that. Black women were able to stop the slide into poverty by finishing school, relocating to better neighborhoods and raising their children alone with middle class jobs.

They Don’t Care About Black Women

What the article doesn’t want to acknowledge is the total destruction this economy has wrought on the single black mother, who used to be able to manage. Now, these same people who used to hail black single motherhood are pretending to be concerned that she’s out there doing it all by herself.

Yet, not one paragraph is devoted to suggesting maybe black women – in order to improve their lives – should relocate to low crime, mixed neighborhoods with better gender ratios and seek opportunities with men who are not black. Mobility would also cure their own poverty.

Everybody has to go to where the jobs are.

This article was so messy, I thought I was reading Essence magazine. The black media will heartily gobble this up, spreading this manure far and wide. I can imagine how the pressure (as usual) will be applied: black women gotta stay in the hood and “struggle” with the incarcerated “brothas”. Do they still call these negroes “freedom fighters” or “political prisoners”? I haven’t read black media in such a long time, I’ve forgotten.

I like how the article fails to mention that black males are the number one killers of black women. She wouldn’t be alive to “struggle” with him anyhow.

There are good reasons why he’s in jail. And it’s a myth that black women are hurt by his incarceration. It is the justice system working as it should when criminals are locked up. How do black women benefit from sociopaths roaming the neighborhood creating havoc? Anyone read the number of black people who die in places like Chicago and Philly everyday?

Step Away From the Hot Mess

Despite the amount of ink devoted to the issue black women and black men are not tied at the hip, inseparable since birth, belong to each other or cannot live without one another. Black women have and will do fine: there are other men around. The oceans are very deep and wide. There’s plenty of fish there.

Black males with good jobs increasingly are marrying interracially. Those who are living the good life have decided on participating in the main stream without black women. They certainly do not miss us.

Remember, the first step for black women in moving towards a better life is getting out of a bad neighborhood. That’s common sense. But people don’t want to provide black women with this kind of life saving advice. Per their logic, we should sit, smolder and rot in hell along with black males who lack any sense of morality, decency or ability to function like a normal man.

This particular NY Times story may have a “happy ending”, but imagine having a predator back in the neighborhood with nothing to lose? That guy is not going to be the ideal spouse for any woman. And these people have a nerve recommending, suggesting or even thinking that that is good enough for the average black woman.

She deserves better than that.


The Jeremy Lin Show

NBA: Same Ol’ Same Ol’

It has been years since I’ve followed sports, basketball in particular. I watched the Knicks when Ewing played for them, that’s how long ago it’s been. And if you want to know how out of it I was, I’ve never watched Michael Jordan play. I’ve never tuned into his games. Yup, I was numero uno of the non-fan didn’t-give-a-rip coalition. Not a hater. Just distinterested. I just thought that Dr Jay never got his props as the better player, but he pre-dated Nike ads, so that’s how it goes.

I was into college basketball, the game was short, quick and the players were hungry. Something about the pros left me bored. I got the feeling that once they signed the multimillion dollar contracts, the hunger left them. They played soft. They played like satiated lions. Lazy and sleepy. Who wants to watch that?

Along with the stories of baby mamas, wife beatings, shoving a wife out the front door naked, sleeping with ugly white female reporters, gambling, bad attitudes, throwing people through plate glass windows, etc., etc. – I decided I wasn’t supporting those dysfunctional messes. Basketball and football held little appeal to me, especially with the recent spate of shoot-outs, fan beatings and gang symbols being displayed. Plus, I’m grossed out by all those ugly thugs covered head to toe in prison-style tattoos. I wasn’t interested in watching any major league basketball or football. Or any sport for that matter. Don’t get me started on those nasty spitting baseball players!

Change Comes LIN

So, here comes this young man who’s a bit different from the usual cynics in the basketball league. I’ve watched the YouTube clips of him playing. I understand why he suddenly has so many fans: he looks like he’s having fun. He plays with a passion for the game. It’s apparent that he loves to play basketball. He has no tattoos. I’m sure he’s not a saint, but I’m certain that people are tired of the bad boy, bad ass, tattooed big dummies. They are everywhere, in every entertainment field. And not only are they phony and talentless – they’re annoying. There’s nothing interesting in a rich angry irrational manchild.  You wish they would take up the offer from an older man to teach them a lesson in a wrestling ring. Oh, what a great treat that would be.

Making People Go LINsane

Now, I understand that the media overreaction to Jeremy Lin, JLin, a.k.a. “Linsanity” was 3/4ths about his “race”. I’m still shaking my head at the things that have been said over the last three weeks, which already seems like an eternity.

There have a been dozens of puns that include “Lin” in the word: Air Lin, Linsanity, Super Lintendo… you get the picture. It was cute. A couple of folks at ESPN jumped the shark, thus losing a job or two.

Then came the jealous folks. Floyd Mayweather Jr was mad at the attention JLin was receiving. He said (paraphrasing) that black men do the same thing everyday in the league, but no one is paying attention. Well, the problem  with that statement is that – if you don’t look like the average player in the league – people will notice. Sort of like when a heavyset white woman from the UK sings like a black woman blues singer. People notice those sorts of things. Hype may follow.

Jason “Witless” Whitlock (who has spewed racist / misogynist material about Serena Williams) decided to tweet something foul about JLin. But why did he focus on the sexuality of the young man? Why would an out-of-shape obese black man who is a sportswriter, not even a ballplayer, worry about the sex life of a young Asian man? Was he worried that an Asian male was encroaching on black male territory? Athleticism, masculinity, and sexual supremacy do go hand in hand. Did he picture a future where Asian men would be viewed as super-studs instead of black males?? Uh-oh.

Plus, “Witless” was so used to writing vulgar insults about black women, he didn’t realize other groups wouldn’t stand for the same behavior. He quickly apologized.

KilLINg Conventional Wisdom and Stereotypes

However, JLin did break all kinds of records with his initial “starter” games. He has played in the D Leagues, or maybe a few minutes in the NBA, but not as a starter. Once he was allowed, by the Knicks, to play point guard, he started knocking down some walls.

I’m surprised by the following, because I didn’t realize there were so many things achieved by Jeremy Lin. I always assumed they had already happened.

1) Harvard has sent very few (maybe a handful or half-dozen) players to the NBA. We’ve had more Presidents who went to Harvard.

2) He’s the first and only (so far) American, of Chinese / Taiwanese descent, to play in the NBA. Not the first Asian American, but the others were half-black or half-white, and the first was of Japanese descent before the various (American Basketball and National Basketball) leagues merged in 1976. He played for the Knicks too.

3) He was never drafted a.k.a. undrafted. No one held a lottery to pick him up in the league. He came in through the backdoor basically.

4) He’s managed to score 229 points in his first 7 starter games. Even for his first 4 at 109 points he’s exceeded everyone else since 1976.

Always Be Ready for Prime Time

Will he stay a superstar? Perhaps. I don’t have a magic 8 ball. And considering the short attention span of the public, who knows who they’ll love / hate in the next few weeks?

I do have some takeaways from the media-storm surrounding this young man:

  • He’s proven that good luck really is 90% preparation and fortuitous timing.
  • He worked on his weaknesses during the NBA lockout, doing everything he could to get into superb physical condition (6’3″ and 200lbs).
  • He’s played against the number one draft and showed he could excel.
  • When his chance finally arrived – he literally came off the bench as the last guy picked – he played his heart out to win.

He is responsible for helping the Knicks become a better team over the last 11 games. He helped them win 9 of them. Not bad for a rookie. Not bad for a guy who has faith in God, but also understood he had to do the work to get where he wanted. Just laying around and praying wasn’t going to cut it, he had to move, get it done and show with all his heart what he wanted.

He admits that the media attention is draining. Blake Griffin (big red slam dunk king and 6’9″ – dang) told him he has to learn to say, “No.”

Asian Persuasion

I’ve been reading the Asian (blog / twitter) reaction to JLin. I’m (again) surprised at the angst revealed by the men.  All I can say is, “Wow,” I had no idea. I’m not a guy, so my interpretation may be off, but I get the sense that JLin helps them achieve a sort of American masculine sexual ideal that’s been missing in the media or the general culture. They see white, black and Latinos in the superstar sexy beasts stratosphere, but they’ve never felt a part of that club. Interesting.

American culture is so anti-intellectual and dedicated to dysfunctional drugged up dumb-ass losers, that the highest income, best in academic achievement and most entrepreneurial men in this country feel emasculated and less than for being studious, responsible, dependable and stable. That’s the world we live in folks. Where up is down, right is wrong and the insane run the asylum.

I would hope that the lesson the other men (black, white and Latino) can learn from Jeremy Lin is to play earnestly, humbly, and make the game fun again. I’m sure most of them do, but it’d be nice if they were the norm again, and not considered the exception(s). The degenerates receive too much attention for their bad behavior and appear to be financially, socially and emotionally rewarded for it.

Last Lesson: Play The Game

As for the lament of the Asian American male, I’d say the reason why they are invisible is because, this may not sound nice, but it’s my perception: you gotta be in the game to win it. No one notices Asian men, because they behave in a leave-me-alone, don’t-notice-me, and I’m-not-gonna-make-eye-contact fashion. Black, white and Latino men are assertive. They will look people in the eye and say something. They will do their Alpha male thing.

So, if the Asian men want to be like the other guys in this society, they’re gonna have to take note of something else about JLin. He plays fearlessly. He may have learned at an early age not to isolate himself by just hanging out with his Asian buddies. When he speaks, he sounds like any other guy in the league (black, white or whatever).

I wish him well, and hope he continues to excel at playing the game.

Hey, you know, I’d say the Jeremy Lin Show has a lot of things we can all learn from. 🙂

** Update **

Oh, and watch him get down and boogie. JLin can dance.

** Update Update **

I’m obsessed!! They should call him Maestro instead! Steals the ball and tosses to Shumpert. Beautiful. 🙂

Isn’t he cute? Love those eyes, cheekbones and mouth. 😀



Tips for Today’s Negroes: A Lesson in Manners

Who’s Your Daddy?

Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of you did not have Fathers to teach you how to be a gentleman. And the likelihood is high that your Mothers probably didn’t have the time, inclination, or interest in teaching any of y’all manners. Maybe everybody thought that lil man ShayQuan being rude and obnoxious was cute when you were 5 years old and eventually you’d grow out of it.

Unfortunately, for some of y’all, it never happened. For some reason, your boys on the street or that friendly Mr. Hamilton across town – that old guy who’d slide you a couple dollars every once in a while for your “services” – never bothered to give you a heads-up.

However, as a contemporary negro that loves to tell everyone that you are, “A grown ass man,” here are some worthy tips to show you are one, as opposed to being an overgrown, petulant knucklehead.

These tips are obvious to most well rounded people, but unfortunately common sense is in short supply these days:

Stay Thirsty and Be Anxious to Learn

1. Learn to greet everyone you meet with a, “Good morning,” if the sun is coming up or until around 11:00 A.M. like Micky Ds.

2. Say, “Hello,” for the entire day. Smiling is not necessary, but it is helpful.

3. “How are you?” Is allowed after, “Hello.”

4. If you are asked, “How are you?” Reply with, “I am fine,” or “I am good.” No grammar Nazis here.

5. “Goodnight,” isn’t an invitation to talk more or a hookup. It serves the same purpose as, “Goodbye.”

6. Do not demand that any black woman or black girl, whether you are acquainted or strangers, smile at you. It is harassment. Don’t be proud of it. You don’t know who she knows. 🙂

7.  Keep your voice even when you address any woman. Anything louder sounds threatening. Speak with a moderate tone.

8. Hold the door open for all women, children and even other men. Good manners isn’t just a “white” thing.

9. Speak clearly: mumbling makes you sound like a numbskull.

10. Do not treat black women or black girls as though they are easy scores, a potential main squeeze, work place buddy confidant, or source of joking material. Cat calls, nasty comments and hollering at us is not appreciated.

I know a number of us have gotten used to little, if any, kind of common courtesy, as opposed to what you slavishly bestow upon non-black women. However, please keep your contempt to yourself. Non-blacks may appreciate your derogatory “shuck and jive” routine, but a lot of black women do not.

11. You may not believe it, but a lot of us don’t care to exchange more than a few passing words in greeting. That sista who is standing around listening to you is quietly suffering. She doesn’t know how to cut you off, because you’ve made it obvious you’d make her life hell (at the job) if she does.

Truth of the matter is: no one cares about your love life, personal hygiene, lack of money, and endless baby Momma stories. Your life story isn’t nearly as enthralling as you might think.

12. Enough with the jokes. Richard Pryor most likely told all of the best ones. He was funny. You are not.

13. If we seem to be ignoring you – after an initial greeting – let it be forever known: WE ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU. Despite what you read in the black media and the desperate black women who write for them: YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF OUR UNIVERSE.

14. If you would never say it to someone white, then do not say it to a black woman. Please, spare us.

15.  Your Momma really is the only woman who will put up with you. So, get over yourself and leave your issues at home.

16. It is not the black woman’s fault, if her job is more demanding than yours. She’s paid her dues. And believe it or not, that didn’t come by sleeping with a “white man”, since most of our bosses are likely to be white women. We went to school and worked while you decided it was better to hang out with LaTrell’monte back in the hood.

17. Your sucky job is not our problem. It’s up to you to solve. I heard there’s plenty of high paying jobs in North Dakota.

Let’s see if you can work with the white men up there with your current attitude, instead of living off of a black woman down here where it’s “safe”. 🙂

Sure, a few bits of the advice listed could apply to some black women. But being out-of-order seems to be a specialty of negroes.

I’m gonna say it again, as I’ve said it before: you are not entitled to special attention or deference from us. Let’s treat one another with respect, be polite in public and take it from there.

If what I wrote doesn’t apply to you, then don’t get upset.

Cheers. 😀

BWE.links and then some…


Continuing The Nice Good … Love Is a Numbers Game, Play It Serious

How to Play It Serious

The best information always comes from the comments section. I’d like to highlight these tips from Lisa:

I started reading BWE blogs when I was 27 and now I’m married at 32. I might still be thinking about all the time I have and feeling that there’s “no rush” if not for reading the blogs.

While there’s never a “rush” for love, there’s also no reason to be waiting around for some man to come along (or some man to shape up and marry you after umpteen years), when you can find someone right now who is ready for something real and serious — and he might just be white!

Wow, it’s been that long? 🙂

Lisa offers what changed in her approach to the dating game:

I guess I’d say that the other change I made was taking the process of meeting men a lot more seriously. I used to act in the “if it happens, it happens” mode, so I might have a dating profile up, but if I didn’t receive any responses in six months (for example), I didn’t care. I just figured it wasn’t my time and nothing more.

I later stepped up my efforts (and was successful, yay) and also made it a point to go to more social events. I didn’t have time to hope I met Mr. Right at the supermarket one day, although if it happened that way, it would be nice. I just started making more time to go out (and that does not mean to the club) instead of staying home all the time.

Last night, my husband and I went to a goodbye party for a co-worker who’s moving. While I’m no longer on the market, there were a bunch of single guys there that I would have been checking out… not saying any of them were available, but at least my odds improved by going to the dinner and meeting six unmarried men versus staying at home because I was too tired or something.

Plus, just being in the company of men can help you be a better dater, so that when you do get asked out, you’ll be so fabulous on the first date that he’ll want to ask you out again!

Wonderful testimonial. Each journey begins with the first step. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be hypercritical of yourself. You don’t have to look like [insert name of the latest superskinny supermodel or beweaved singer] to make things happen. Embrace who you are. Start looking. Get social. Make more friends.

Don’t linger on any man who will waste your time. Don’t ever let him get you on the phone talking for hours or more than 10 minutes at a time. Don’t let him text you (heaven forbid now, eh?) a million times a day. He’s wasting your time. This is part of vetting.

Listen to what he says, he’ll tell you what he’s looking for when you ask. And you must ask. Make it clear what YOU WANT. Don’t ever waver. You deserve better.

A Nice Black Man Offers His Perspective on Dating

I appreciate feedback from guys, and so we have the following comment from Bubby.

Well, speaking as a nice black guy, I always tell guys who’re nice who say that they are having problems meeting or finding the right woman, to look harder and to keep at it. Dating is a numbers game and you have to face your fears, face rejection and keep plugging away. If you approach twenty women, four may find you attractive. So sixteen women will tell you, no thanks. Now, are you gonna focus on the negative sixteen or on the positive four?

I chuckle when some of these cats say that women only want “bad boys” or “players”. Women are free to like whatever turns them on in a man and if you’re not what she’s looking for or attracted to, why get angry at her? We all know that men don’t want people telling them what to find attractive in a woman. Move on. There are plenty of women out there who will love and appreciate you but you’ll never find them if you’re too busy throwing yourself a pity party.

I’ve read these so-called seduction sites and they all reccomend that a “nice guy” change or incorporate some gimmick or routine into his “game”. I say be yourself. I say get a hobby. Do things that you enjoy. Get out and explore the world. Take a cooking class. LIVE.

But keep your eyes open and be prepared and willing to approach a woman that you find attractive. Be polite and courteous and see if she’s willing to give you a shot. The rule is: Men approach and the woman chooses.

Truth be told, some of these guys want women to fall at their feet just because they’re nice cats. They don’t want to put any effort into having a love life at all. That kind of arrogance isn’t sexy at all and women will avoid you like the plague.

Hey, you sound like my older brother and his friends!

We all do need to remove anger, hostility, bitterness, and sense of entitlement from our interactions with one another. I think we all improve if we just keep it polite, cordial and cool.

Guys may not realize this, but the fastest way to win a woman over is to be helpful and useful. That’s the one thing that I’m surprised so many miss. I’m not talking about replacing the plumber and being on-call like a hot-line, but showing a woman handyman skills and being reliable, gets you through the right door faster than playing the fool.

And if she cannot appreciate good favors, then at some point the next woman will.

Thank you for your contributions, Lisa and Bubby. 🙂

Cheers everyone.


The Nice Good Black Man

Using an interesting quote from Classic NYer:

But that being said, perhaps I can show you another point of view. Take for example my brother, a stand -up individual raised by my mother and father with correct morals, treats his mother and two sisters with respect, graduated with degrees and working on another one, acts sensibly, never been to jail/gotten into drugs/did general dumbass criminal shit/etc… in other words, none of the damaged-beyond-repair symptoms that are often associated with black maleness.

It’s a little sad that there are some black women who have become so disillusioned by the bottom-of-the-barrel-negroes that they will look at any black man, even my brother, and all they will see is gangsta rap. I’m not saying, of course, that black women should be required to take a fine-toothed comb to our race before venturing out…

I myself am finding happiness right now with a non-black man… but it bothers me when I hear people say things like “I’m done with black men!” and I do hear this sometimes… and it speaks a couple volumes about our own damage when we become so jaded that we can’t see the black men in college because we’re blinded by the black men in jail… I say “to hell with them” if they can’t get their shit together… but what about my brother?



Thank you for this comment, Classic NYer. This brings up the flip side of the “watch out for the abusive, bad, and damaged beyond repair black males (DBR)” topical threads. I’m not going to talk about your brother, since I don’t know him. I will write solely from observation and experience.

Blog Purpose: Black Female Consumption

The reason why so much virtual ink is spent discussing black males, at times, is because a number of us still interact with so many of them. Obviously, there are good and bad folks in every group. The consistent theme here has been to urge black women to put as much physical, emotional, and mental distance between themselves and the toxic people in their lives. Statistically, the ones most likely to place them in grave danger happen to be black males.

We must remember that the goal is winnowing and thinning the herd of good from bad. Once the ladies physically move, then adjust to becoming emotionally detached, it becomes easier for them to think about the positive, uplifting, and affirming changes they want to make in their lives.

I too have stand-up, nice, good and great brothers, uncles, cousins and wonderful black men as friends and associates. Yet, if the ladies reading my blog, and others, decide that they cannot be bothered with black men in general, then that is their right. Perhaps they’re exhausted, wounded and weary from using a fine tooth comb, fishing in a tiny dirty pond, or dumpster diving for a decent black man. Some might even decide that from a statistical vantage looking for one would be an enormous waste of time. I cannot blame them.

I approach this topic from this perspective: what a black woman decides to do with her life ultimately has nothing to do with anyone, especially black men. He will matter if he is the one man who makes a concerted effort to be the special man in her life: a moral, decent, financially sound, emotionally mature, and responsible husband or friend.

Black Men Always Do What Suits Them

I don’t feel bothered, or disturbed when black women say that they are “done with black men”. If my brothers, uncles, cousins, and male friends felt they weren’t making headway with black women, I know they would promptly move onto Latinas, foreign-born black women, and non-black women without pause.

They would do it, because they aren’t concerned with my feelings or impressions about their women. They would do it, because as black men, they are quite willing to enjoy their prerogative to freely date and mate whomever they please.

Who black men decide to have as a life partner is really none of my business. They find happiness on their own terms. And I don’t take it upon myself to worry about who they want or who wants them. Black men, in general, never seem to have trouble finding a woman.

Fog of War

The ones who have a problem with dating and mating with whomever they desire are black women. A number of us haven’t truly embraced our freedoms 100% yet, which is why we still linger over black males and their issues. I gave that up well over a dozen years ago. I left my “black nationalism card” in a drawer to catch dust. I found it less complicated and emotionally bothersome to date Indian, white and Latino men than black men. I couldn’t handle the “fog of war” with them anymore. I had no interest in being cannon fodder or a combatant in their superficial “race war” with white men.

I’ve read and heard the complaint from black men that more than a few, if not all, black women aren’t “feeling” them for one particular reason or another. Well, just because he’s a nice guy, educated and speaks well it doesn’t entitle him to any black woman who happens to catch his eye. As women, we have millions of self-help books telling us to let go when “he’s just not that into you”. The opposite is also true. If a number of black women aren’t into him, he needs to let it – that feeling of entitlement – go.

The Reasons Why Multiply

The nice, good black guy might not accept this, but the following are some of the reasons for their lack of success with black women:

  1. He’s boring. Point blank.
  2. She’s not attracted: no zing, no tingle, at all. Why waste his time?
  3. He’s not her type. She finds his height, weight, complexion, sense of humor, level of sophistication or intelligence lacking.
  4. His self-esteem is low.
  5. Her self-esteem is low.
  6. He lacks the ability to court, entice, tantalize, and seduce a woman.
  7. He lacks a few of the qualities on her “must have” list.
  8. She only digs white, Asian or Latino guys.
  9. His social circle is of poor quality, insufficient or deficient.
  10. He lacks ambition.
  11. Embarrassingly cheap.
  12. Spends too much. Trying to purchase affection.
  13. He believes he’s mature, but he’s really quite childish.
  14. He’s passive-aggressive, and resorts to sarcasm when angry.
  15. Refuses to be candid, upfront, honest or blunt.
  16. Immediately clingy. Reeks of desperation.
  17. He who hesitates loses the game. Wants her to make all the first and last moves.
  18. Exhausting dead-weight. He’s indecisive, and wants her to decide everything.
  19. Every black woman is not his type, supportive, or “good enough” for him, but accuses every black woman of having “unrealistic expectations”.
  20. Very critical, and doles out compliments like a miser with money.
  21. Competitive with black women, and not other men.
  22. Jealous.
  23. Complains about “white people” all the time, with “white people” being only white men.
  24. Believes that an education, lack of a criminal record, employment, and being a black man entitles him to the good graces of all black women.
  25. Added 5/25 Single, but unavailable. In between women, living with a baby Momma and “looking”.
  26. Added 5/25 Lacking manners: a failure to express thoughtfulness or consideration.
  27. Added 5/25 Momma’s boy: treats his female relatives nice. The same can’t be said of how he treats other women.

It’s not a comprehensive list since it is culled from observation and experience. As we know one woman’s bore, could be another woman’s “steady Freddy”.

Black Men Have the Advantage

The fact is that black women with an education vastly outnumber educated black men. In a perfect world, starting in college all black women would like worship all the “nice good black men” and quickly snatch up each one. Let’s not forget these guys want to play around too. He will meet some that like him, and he’ll meet some that wont. If he’s expecting an easier time with black women due to the sex imbalance, it will not make a difference. If he’s expecting an easier path to dating black women due to the abusive bad guys, it will not make a difference.

The black women who write off black men might seem a massive amount due to the nature of these blogs. Yet, it is exaggerated since the fact remains that the number of black women dating interracially is minuscule.

Black men avail themselves to non-black women at a rate of 75% to black women with non-black men at 25%. The nice, good black males don’t have it so bad. They are living in the land of plenty where women of all races outnumber the men. If the nice, good black man is truly a worthy catch, he will have no trouble finding the right woman.

Eventually, the numbers will be on his side.


I Hurt This Black Male’s Feelings. Weep For Him.

“Brian M.” has something to say. These are all his words.

This kinda stuff one cannot make up. :D

Go forth and tell us how you feel, kind Sir:

Now look let me say this up front I am not here to pick a fight with you or anything I just going to say this because whatever I say I will be wrong anyways to you. Me personally, I understand of what you are saying about us black men which is true and sad but let me be the first to tell you WE ARE ALL NOT LIKE THAT!!!!! I am sorry for what my brotha’s has done to black women and honestly if a bw wants to be with a wm I am not hating at all as long as she is happy then I am good I respect my black women and I am proud of you to become so successful as a career as a black woman no doubt. Further, I am here to say that even though I get reject sometimes by black woman but that doesn’t mean that I hate her it’s like hating on my mother or my sister…………. plus you expired me to make a website to show not only to america, our black women and society but to ourself that there are some good unicorns as you expected left in this nation true there a good few no good black men who ruin for all of us for every 15 good black men it takes 2 of them to bring them down. As so far as wm asking bm advise on how to treat a bw well for any matter I don’t ANY man should ask another for advise on how to treat 1 especially if you friend treats woman like crap so there you go. No I don’t wm males who takes a glance a bw. (All right got the good support stuff out the way)BUTTTTTTTTTT………….. Here is my problem with you. Okay kool you like white guys I get that but don’t label us black men as the devil. You have some nerves to make threads like these. Why can’t be other men from other races. You act like white don’t do nothing wrong and that they are perfect. It cracks me up that you that white are more committed to marriage and not ending up in divorce cout. I’ve seen more divorces from white couples then I do most black couples. You are something else (word to advise to other black women on here) if you are looking for love then love that person because you can get pass by the outside shell. I have white male friends that said to least treat their women like shit but you don’t talk about that do you (AND DON”T SAY THEY DONT BECAUSE YOU ARE FULL OF IT). When you are going to get it in you head that men are men and women are women true there are some trait when it comes to race but come on. You having these sista’s believing that we black males are evil as it comes. Now your probably asking yourself why if you website doesn’t bother me then why I am post a comment on here bashing and everything. It’s not that bw wants to find love in other races that gets me mad (like I said earlier as long as she is happy then I am kool with it as a matter of fact my childhood classmate who is white is married to a black woman and I treat him no different then anybody else) it’s the fact you continue to bash on black men like it ain’t nothing like we are all the same no class, no education, no self respect for himself or for his woman I can go on forever. ALL BLACK MEN DONT LIVE IN THE GHETTO, not all of us act that way, so you need to be realistic in words (but hey this is you website you probably have some smart remarks to say but if you are any kind of human then you will respect my opinion. Let me make a website to how much bm needs to be with a wm I bet I will get all kinds of hate mails. I get it YOU HATE BLACK MAN but the convience these sista’s that there are none or little black men. So let me ask you this how come it’s about love when comes to bw\wm relationship but when it comes to bm/ww relationship we have to be weak, hateful towards black women, sell-outs you get the big picture. I know that is a four page letter and didn’t even enclose it with a kiss but I am calling you out email me back or you can just ignore it (which you probably will) and make it seems like i am just another angry black man just because a white guy has taking another black woman yeah yeah yeah. Oh I trust me I had more to say but I think that this is enough. You are the biggest hypocrit, bitter, sour sell out black woman I ever heard in my life but do I hate you for it NOPE……. You need to be one-hundred to these black women on here AND STOP JUDGING us black males like that it’s not even cute at all it makes you look even dumbe. Black women love whatever man that loves you black, white, latino, asian, indian whatever!!!!!!!! Please stop listening to this woman (now she I didn’t disrespect you are anything I just the creator how it is.)

Brian M.

GoldenAh: Say what?

Nothing personal Brian, but long rants like yours bore me.

You need to realize, I don’t care about your opinion(s). I don’t know you. You ain’t my peeps. The only black men I care about are family. But I don’t worry after them like children, because all of them know how to be a Man. They handle their business. In other words, they’re normal.

Your black male entitlement credit card isn’t accepted here. You cannot buy pity, sympathy, respect, or a facsimile of your imaginary “black community” here.

The current disaster of the “black community”, whether rural or urban, rests on the shoulders of you and your “brothas”. Not those of black women. The notion of a black matriarchal society, community, and culture is a myth. They’ve never existed. What’s going on is black male abandonment. Own it.

It’s a man’s world, and this entire mess belongs to y’all.

Furthermore, your issues are your problem. Some of y’all think you’re slick trying to get any, and all, black women worked up over your unresolved manhood issues. I’m not one of them.

You cannot make me feel guilty or sorry for you (and you are pitiful), because I’ve noticed – all of my life – how black males treat black women. Everyone notices. It’s a secret everyone knows: Google the stats – they’re easy to find.

Black women not talking about it won’t make it go away.

You’re bothered that the sistas come here and testify as to just how rotten, creepy, deadly, and sick some of y’all are. They come, because they can speak freely. They can no longer be guilt tripped into silence. No longer do they believe that “victimized” black males should be entitled, allowed or enabled to stomp and grind a black woman’s brains, dignity, color or complexion, beauty, “spicy” personality, and self-esteem into dust. Whereby this brutality towards black women somehow results in a re-built Utopian “black community”.

It don’t work no more.

Their stories show they are emancipated. They have moved on: mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. We all have. And more will join them. That’s why you’re squealing. You’re the proverbial pig that got struck.

You black males need to adjust to this fact: your competition has never been, and never will be, black women, it is other men. And black women don’t need y’all.

Their relationship goal(s) aren’t about scraping the same filthy bowl swapping pitiful, useless, and damaged beyond repair (dbr) black males for abusive white men. No, these women’s standards are higher. The non-black men black women decide to be with fits their criteria. It has nothing to do with a perceived shortage of black males. It’s simply that a majority of black males no longer measure up.

Who black women date, mate and marry is their business. Why they date, mate and marry non-black men is their business. They don’t need, or require, black male acceptance or permission. Your opinion and approval don’t mean jack. Their reasons for liking and loving non-black men don’t have to go through a Negro Interracial Committee acceptance vote.

So, mind your own business from now on.

You gonna need to take the same attitude a lot of black women take towards those who’ve made billions selling the world degrading rap(e) music – realize that the words negroes, bitch-ass-niggas, and stories of how badly these bastards treat others – don’t always apply to oneself.

In other words, if they ain’t talkin’ about you, then it ain’t about you.

And I will continue to blog what I want to blog about.

Consider that advice to help you sleep at night, you poor, distressed, little child.

Cheers. 😀


Black Actress Review: Just Wright – Big Boned Gurl Gets Good Guy Balla

I like Queen Latifah (Dana Owens), so I am willing to sit down and watch her movie(s).

Long Descriptions Ahead

Did I like Just Wright? To be honest, I dunno. Sometimes I’m too busy thinking about its message to appreciate whether it was fun to watch or not.

What message? Oh, the Good Employed Hard Working Non-Glamorous Big Boned Unselfish Black Woman versus the Shallow Unemployed Shopaholic Flighty Glamorous Beautiful Slim Selfish Man Eater.

Two of the Black Woman Archetypes

Here’s a simpler description of the main characters: Mammy versus Gold Digger. How’s that?

Queen Latifah, as you might’ve suspected, plays Mammy. Gold Digger is obviously Paula Patton. Common plays the Good Guy Balla. Pam Grier was delightful as Queen Latifah’s mother. Phylicia Rashad played Common’s mother.

I don’t think these roles were done on purpose. It’s so automatic that it’s nearly impossible for any film to get away from certain portrayals of black women. They fall into the slots effortlessly. I suspect that Queen Latifah was aiming for a hard-working-sista-sorta-Cinderella type story. The effort is appreciated, since her character is always cast as the best friend, BFF type, certainly not as the object of desire.

Oh, For the Want of Good Old Fashioned Lust Desire

Except that the problem with the movie is that there’s no chemistry between her character, Leslie Wright, and Common’s Scott McKnight. Excuse me for saying this, but Common is one of the meanest looking guys around. No matter how nice he tries to act, his face and voice doesn’t erase that vibe. I don’t know him, I don’t have anything against him, but it’s just how he comes across to me.

This Is How The Game Is Played

I’m also ambivalent about Morgan Alexander’s character (Paula Patton). I don’t see her as the bad guy. She’s beautiful. She’s learned that it enables her to get what she wants from nearly any man. Her character has decided that her looks are worth trading for a wealthy man.

And the problem with that is what?

Nearly every Hollywood flick with a white woman in her position celebrates her desire to marry a wealthy, educated, Good Guy Balla, millionaire, and all-around-nice-fellow. Is it because a white woman is entitled to a wealthy guy that this negative stereotype (of a gold digger) is rarely used to denigrate them? (Think about Tiger Wood’s wife. They didn’t meet by accident. And that scenario applies to a lot of meet-ups between women and wealthy men. S’okay?)

Back In the Real World

I’m glad no one said anything about Leslie’s weight, but I felt the film created an unreasonable expectation. Not only are there very very few Good Guy Ballas, but if they didn’t marry Morgan, they would still reject Leslie and move on to the next “arm piece / candy / gold digger”, and a number of them would be white women. Yet popular (rap) culture continues to denigrate black women seeking a provider, protector and father of her offspring.

Wow, how weird that must be, a black woman wanting what every normal woman around the planet usually aims for.

Why is what’s good for other women considered a bad move for black women?

Man Hunting Is Normal

I don’t see Morgan as the bad girl. She knows how to look her best to attract a man. She’s an expert at the bait and hook. I’m not mad at her. Thankfully, her character didn’t plumb the depths of depravity to ensnare a man. Scott was freely willing to marry her. He found her to be someone worthwhile and lovable in the weeks he dated her.

Also, I see Morgan’s behavior as no different from a man whose flawlessly beautiful fiancee (arm piece) gained weight and became horribly disfigured. He’d take off as well.

Leslie’s character is a goodhearted person, but I wasn’t convinced that the unpolished, sports nut, “home girl” routine was enough to bond her to Scott. Nursing a man through sickness yields gratitude, not love. I see that he nursed her at one time she became sick, but as we can see he predictably, and quite easily, dumped Leslie the moment Morgan returned.

In this film, I wished that the premise began and ended with Leslie learning how to “get a man” from Morgan. She didn’t have to be duplicitous, but Morgan understood the “rules” way way better than Leslie.

Because what if Scott didn’t see the light? Leslie would have been alone again, although in a better job. Morgan would have been Mrs. Scott McKnight as she planned.

In Real Life, the Morgans of the World Usually Win

I have no objection to the idea of the film: let things work out for the Mammy or overweight plain Jane this time, but reality almost always rewards the gold digger or ambitious man-hunter. We can see that with our eyes everyday. And the pro-Good Employed Hard Working Non-Glamorous Big Boned Unselfish Black Woman message that this film relays creates a problem.

It’s not a bad thing for black women to be quasi – and certainly not full bore – Shallow Shopaholic Flighty Glamorous Beautiful Slim Selfish Man Eaters who plan and pursue the kind of man they want to marry who has wealth, a good future, and education, etc, etc.

Unfortunately, Just Wright continues to points us in the direction of staying plain, heavy set, unglamorous, with a “keeping it real” demeanor, and not making any effort or plans to be attractive and attract the “right kind of man.” She’s working on chance, hope, and possibly prayer; black women deserve better than that.

Good luck alone wont work. It certainly isn’t helping us now. Life rewards the proactive, and more often than not you have to look fly, be positive, as you pursue your dreams and desires.

Phylicia Rashad