Ladies, Is He Good Enough For You?

As we often see in the news, or experienced based on observation, plenty of men reach powerful positions, have a lot of responsibilities, and will be totally, absolutely morally deficient. They will be amoral, immoral, with a massive touch of egotism. Oh, they’re Alpha Males alright, better known as dogs, not wolves. Dogs are wonderful animals, but you know I mean the two legged kind. 🙂

Ladies, don’t ever let anyone tell you that “everyone does it” or “all men are the same.” Have some standards. The media likes to plate up degeneracy like it’s the latest delicacy. All you’ll get is food poisoning down the road. Imagine the kind of society they are pushing us towards.

Has shame gone out of style? Do we really want to continue lowering the bar until adults have sexual relations with small children and call that progressiveness? Imagine a society where no one shows impulse control, like everybody driving through red lights, or drunk and high. Would you feel safe?

A society without moral codes and mutual trust yields chaos and bedlam. I’ve lived through two blackout with riots. I’m not exaggerating when I say those aren’t fun experiences. Imagine living with that all the time. And we know there are places around the world where this is the case.

I don’t know what it will take to stave off further decay in this society. We need a society full of strong families with honest people. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. But a world where people relish a world without any sort of decency ethos yields a declining standard of living for everyone. Without stability what we’ll get is … well, think of those Zombie Apocalypse books and movies having an element of truth to them.

We cannot predict the future. We cannot always assume what’s in the hearts of people. But you cannot have a decent life with someone who has no shame, feels no guilt, likes to tell a lot of little lies, stealing, bullying or cutting corners. He’s not worthy of you if he’s freely giving everyone around him the shaft. (Pun intended).

Share

Blogging and The Nature of Criticism

Email, Comments and Rules

The private stuff stays private, but I usually have two rules for posting an email:

  • It’s so on point about a specific subject, I want to share it.
  • It’s so irate and angry, usually towards my blog and myself, I want share a good laugh at the joke(r).

Regarding the comments section, it’s more or less an open-door policy.

Most comments go through automatically, because the administrative software will allow commenters based on a trusted ID. Once I approve your comment 99.93% percent of the time, you can come back to freely write and express yourself. I barely or rarely censor. Rarely.

Although through no fault of my own something goes awry, a few comments are held in a queue or sent to spam.

This is my domain. I pay for the site. Yay. I am mistress of my own domain! Hmm. That sounds so empowering, no? I’m a bit of a control freak, and the software gives me a lotta admin power! I love power!

Hmm. Power.

When a comment is awesome, I want to make it topic to run with. However, I get so many on point good comments, it’s becomes harder to decide. It’s a matter of breaking up a thread to start another. That can get tricky.

What Chu Say? The Illiterate’s Brain Fart

If a comment is out of bounds, I’ll give the person the exposure they deserve. Of the few posts I’ve put up, with regards to criticizing the blog or myself, they’re from the comments section. This is not an invitation to trolls.

Have you noticed that the irate are nearly always incoherent?

Folks enjoy upsetting themselves in a many manner of ways. They fume at words never written, but boy! are they certainly clever! to decipher what’s supposedly implied. Sort of a grand conspiracy of blogging: maybe they highlight invisible words by selecting the screen page to find the truth of what’s written. Made you look.

This is me: If I want to insult someone, I’ll use the exact words required. I don’t aim for subtle.

Idiotbook

Recently, one moron from Facebook, who is as bright as a box of hammers, sharp as a dull kinfe, polluted my email box. You wanna know what my first reaction was? Laughter. I responded with polite sarcasm.

Now, you may wonder, Why bother? Hey, I figure, what am I gonna be mad at? Feces is fertilizer. Right? Maybe there’s a nugget of wisdom to be discovered. Not.

I reply, because I feel sorry for the feeble minded. I don’t like beating up on the mentally handicapped.

Here’s the gimme: An angry email or comment tells me how much power I have over this person. They’ve wasted precious moments of their time to tell me nothing. To send me their mental upchuck. I love that kind of power.

I think I’ll conquer the world from here, blogging in my warm and comfy pajamas, with a nice cup of herbal tea by my side.

Criticism Is a Fundamental Good

I appreciate criticism. I welcome constructive, make it work, useful, thought provoking differences of opinions. That’s how we all learn. Trial and error. Through observation and analysis.

I’ve worked jobs where I get nervous if I’m not getting feedback that tells me where I’m going wrong (or right). I’ll request criticism. I need to know the correct dance moves. If I’m going left, while everyone else is going right, shouldn’t I be told the next steps? (In real life, I am horrible dancer.) I appreciate the “swim with the school of fishes” mantra as long as it fulfills my goals, metrics, deadlines and the like.

I do not pretend to know all the answers. I do not have this mindset that what I say is the last word on any subject.

I write observations, not absolutes. I’m not writing position papers. I’m not recruiting for a cause. (Unless it’s for the secret Black Women’s Illuminati. Remember that we don’t exist, okay?)

I write assertively, because I consider writing a tool. It needs to be sharpened. Repeatedly. I realize that this is the subtle distinction the fuming, irate, nitwits miss. I cannot raise their IQs, so it’s not on my agenda.

I blog as an intellectual exercise. It’s interesting and rather fun. And I’ll keep at it until I’m truly bored, and then I’ll stop. If you are helped by my words, that actually brings me joy. I like sharing my thoughts. I am sincerely greatful when you share yours with me.

Have a good one.

Share

Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Are Black Males Real Men?

It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month.

I was sent a link to this picture. Thanks Chocholatestar. 😀

We don’t know who created it, but it does beg the question: Are black males real men? People like to pretend that out of wedlock (OOW) births are an issue that is the sole responsibility of, and problem for, black women to resolve. It is not. Although black people love to embrace this particular myth, I need to repeat this fact to shatter it. Black culture or societies, whether in America, or around the world are NOT matriarchal. It never has been. Not by accident, not by default, and not by design.

It is a man’s world. Always has been, always will be. People enjoy tossing the words “strong black woman” and matriarchal around to hide a glaringly obvious defect: black males are failing as men. Their sole competitors are other men, not black women. Socially, economically, and developmentally they are lagging behind. Black women cannot fix that problem for them. No matter how financially generous, emotionally supportive, abject, submissive, relentlessly hyper-critical and abnegating of self – you cannot lift nor mold an “adult” black male into a man. It is self-destructive. It is the core of dysfunction.

Years ago, a radio talk show host I was listening to, without an ounce of political correctness in his body, made the following joke:

Question: “What is Father’s Day called in the black community?”

Answer: “Who’s My Daddy Day.”

So not only does a national talk show host know about the situation, it’s considered a joke. Despite what people may think: the joke is on black males, not black women.

Recently, a football coach of a prominent college mentioned that the only recruits that interest him are those with a father involved in his life. I think the coach was one of the few people talking about a strategy that people already utilize without giving voice to. Despite the polite chatter of the mass media, in real life people are quietly and severely penalizing the OOW offspring of black males.

Why? Because if they don’t care about their children, why should they expect others to?

Which brings me to this point: why mess with a male who statistically is predisposed not to marry, provide protection, bring resources to the relationship, offer support, or bother to raise his own children? Jill Scott may wince at “brothas” who are marrying non-black women, but she willingly had a child for one with a I-Am-Irresponsible neon sign over his head.

Is she a masochist? Perhaps.

Black women, do yourselves a favor, don’t join the masochists’ club(s). You are entitled to be happy. Don’t let anybody tell you that you are selfish, greedy, mercenary, a gold digger or desperate, because you seek a MAN who is going to do the things that most normal men around the world automatically do: marry, provide for their families, and raise their children.

Always consider this: there are millions of illegal immigrant MEN willing to face murderous gangs, cross a deadly border, walk for thousands of miles in the desert, eagerly join our military, and work from dust to dawn at sub-minimum wages just to send their meager earnings home to feed, clothe, and shelter HIS WIFE and KIDS.

Why? Because that’s what REAL MEN do.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil’s advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.
Share

Blog Wars: I Am Always Right!

It’s confusing to peruse some blogs (I have read a lot!), and there will be a long winded, or short biting rant about persons X, Y, and Z. They may leave some crumbs as clues, but overall I don’t know who / what they are talking about. And do not care, for that matter.

I know blogs serve all kinds of purposes: people explore thoughts, issues, and answers. I am the last one to tell people what to write, but…. It distracts from the intended message. It changes the tenor of a good, vibrant blog to a boring, bloviating one.

I wish I could be amused, but it reminds me of Junior High School.

Words do have power. I hope everyone remembers that. Although I do not believe that wishing or praying (calling on God to punish people on one’s behalf) ever bears fruit. No, it does not. Well, maybe the person doing the evil wishing will probably get struck dead first. That I do believe.

Well Balanced: Equanimity

I was thinking about how invested a lot of us are in being right. It’s a fascinating phenomenon. Among women, it start with words. Among men, it takes the form of action, killing one individual to millions. I’ve watched enough altercations, in person, to know how quickly the war of words will escalate into something worse.

However, no matter how clearly we all try to write, intention, thoughts, and meaning will get misinterpreted. Folks, let these things go. Life is too short worrying about hammering a single, or even two, points home to a bunch of strangers, some of whom belong in a mental asylum.


Frankly, for me, all I feel is indifference, or neutrality. It is the best emotion to have when dealing with this online medium. If I start to feel emotional, heated or disturbed, I am gone. I definitely need other things to occupy my time.

How people write has zero correlation to the individual they are in real life. A snarky online persona may be just that – an online persona.

I’ve know people who cannot write a coherent sentence, but are very smart, sharp, and kind. There’s a lot invested in the written word, but it is (to some degree) a poor second to looking an individual in the face, watching his / her expressions, and listening to how s/he sounds.

Being right though, is a matter of perspective. What works for one individual, does not always work for another. Folks have to learn to let it go. There’s something to be said for not having the last word. It might make one appear an intelligent adult. Well thought out rebuttals are dandy, but after a time – enough already.

Employ some mental balance; learn to see things from the other side on occasion.

Getting off my soapbox….

I have been loving the weather this spring and summer: Sweet!

Share

The Shameless Society

I’m not a Bible thumper. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in end-times, or anything like that. I see myself as moderate, perhaps a tad conservative. I’m not a “liberal” or “progressive.” Although those terms often seem to mean: I do not think. Rules are lame. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, society – everyone – has no say over me.

We live in a permissive, shameless, and immoral society. There is a massive group for whom delayed gratification does not exist. If it feels good, Do it! Damn the consequences. That’s the motto. I’m not convinced there ever was a season of restraint amongst the peoples of this country, but now, I believe, we are completely boundless. Is technology and the ease with which spreading and making depavity fun to blame?

Whaaaa, Don’t Judge Me

There are people who like to get out their favorite quote, which says: “Don’t judge, lest you be judged.” Online, no group seems to find this comment more empowering than black people. It’s the default response to hearing / reading criticism(s) they don’t like. I get it. I don’t like anyone telling me what to do either.

However, if you don’t want commentary, a rebuke, or a wagging finger of shame – don’t invite it.

Conservative? Really? Get Out!

There seems to be a consensus on some blogs that the majority of black people are “conservative.” I have yet to see any evidence of it. Attending church and voting against gay nuptials do not count. I don’t know how much I agree with Bill Cosby. The “black community”, while succeeding incredibly on some fronts, is tumbling down a flight of stairs, about to jackknife into the cellar, and then roll six feet into the ground – failing! – in other areas.

The evidence walks the streets in neighborhoods broken and decimated over the last 30-40 years. Single motherhood, single fatherhood, out of wedlock births, foster care, drug abuse, generations in prisons, dysfunctional schools, and fractured families have done their damage to the “black community.” A civilization (not that I am certain that the USA is one, but it is part of the Western World) cannot survive with broken families. This kind of social breakdown will lead to more chaos, not less.

Marriage Is Not For Selfish People

I don’t think marriage is the end all, be all. I agree with people who say they aren’t made for marriage. However, when people bring children into this world, they refuse to show maturity by not getting married. You are selfish. Children are not pets. How is being a baby-mama or baby-daddy good for a child?

This is the sorry age we live in: me first. Do you even know what a family is? What a legacy is? What passing on traditions mean? Do you realize you have to give back to society as well? Do you realize your offspring, you, and your mate, are part of the building blocks of this civilization?

Some Lifestyle Choices Are Damaging

The decline of the black family is like a thread unraveling the fabric of a sweater called civilized society. It starts with “our” community, but it will hit the mainstream eventually. But no one is worried! Hey, let the good times roll. Why? Because it’s a progressive and liberal lifestyle choice! Do what you feel, no one has a right to comment on it.

So, if black people really were “conservative” a whopping 70% of children would be born to married couples, with fathers around to raise them. Alas, they are not. Conservative minded individuals delay gratification, spend more time in school, and get themselves together before procreating. The principle is to be steady, stable, and secure before having people dependent on one. A strong family also makes it easy to have children early and in less than ideal conditions.

You Have My Pity

The way I look at it, if you tell the entire world that you are proud to have children without marriage, don’t be surprised at the responses. I pity the people involved, especially the women who believe the men are “committed” to them and the children of these relationships. Adulthood brings responsibility, things that cramp one’s style. It can be joyless and boring.

I’m the first to admit I would love to postpone adulthood, and continue acting like an adolescent indefinitely. People need to stop pretending, begin to act like adults, and get with the program. You are part of a civilized society, only barbarians and pirates get to do whatever they want.

Share