Announcement: swirlingandmarriage.com

Introducing a website dedicated to dating, relationship, and coaching services for black American women who want to date interracially or internationally. Swirling & Marriage is brought you to by a truly awesome member of the BWE community Lorraine Spencer.

In 2010 Lorraine helped highlight some sisters, which achieved international newspaper coverage. She also placed ads in international and military papers for additional exposure. If there are men from around around the world that you ladies want contact with, Lorraine is the one who can help you find them. Or at least point you in the right direction. There are no guarantees, but the more men you meet the better the odds.

Swirling & Marriage was formally re-launched around the first week of October. Profiles of the women will reach people all over the US, Scandinavia (along with some other European countries maybe even Russia), Australia and New Zealand.

Swirling & Marriage is a great site with lots of articles, profiles, links, tips and other resources.

The contact email address is: swirlingandmarriage@gmail.com.

It is on Facebook as well. Go on over and Like the page. Information about services and fees are in the Notes Section.

Swirling & Marriage™ | Personal Coaching for Black Women Who Desire Interracial/International Marriage…& the Men Who Love Them!

swirlingandmarriage.com

 


Ladies, I wish you much success and happiness in your endeavors. 🙂

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Ladies, Is He Good Enough For You?

As we often see in the news, or experienced based on observation, plenty of men reach powerful positions, have a lot of responsibilities, and will be totally, absolutely morally deficient. They will be amoral, immoral, with a massive touch of egotism. Oh, they’re Alpha Males alright, better known as dogs, not wolves. Dogs are wonderful animals, but you know I mean the two legged kind. 🙂

Ladies, don’t ever let anyone tell you that “everyone does it” or “all men are the same.” Have some standards. The media likes to plate up degeneracy like it’s the latest delicacy. All you’ll get is food poisoning down the road. Imagine the kind of society they are pushing us towards.

Has shame gone out of style? Do we really want to continue lowering the bar until adults have sexual relations with small children and call that progressiveness? Imagine a society where no one shows impulse control, like everybody driving through red lights, or drunk and high. Would you feel safe?

A society without moral codes and mutual trust yields chaos and bedlam. I’ve lived through two blackout with riots. I’m not exaggerating when I say those aren’t fun experiences. Imagine living with that all the time. And we know there are places around the world where this is the case.

I don’t know what it will take to stave off further decay in this society. We need a society full of strong families with honest people. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. But a world where people relish a world without any sort of decency ethos yields a declining standard of living for everyone. Without stability what we’ll get is … well, think of those Zombie Apocalypse books and movies having an element of truth to them.

We cannot predict the future. We cannot always assume what’s in the hearts of people. But you cannot have a decent life with someone who has no shame, feels no guilt, likes to tell a lot of little lies, stealing, bullying or cutting corners. He’s not worthy of you if he’s freely giving everyone around him the shaft. (Pun intended).

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Relationship Barriers: Black Women, White Men and Other Non-Black Men

Note: Let me put my caveats up front. This post obviously does not apply to each and every black woman, since some of us are flexible, flirtatious, and at ease with white and other non-black men.

The Swirl Imperative: Becoming More Social

There is no shame in lacking a flirting game or being a bit socially inadequate in mixed company – at this juncture in your life. You know how it goes: sitting at a table with your girlfriends, like a hostage, segregated from everyone else, because they’re uncomfortable at that social event and by design do everything to keep you from getting your groove on.

I believe in the power of a couple of Cosmos and Fuzzy Navels! 😀

I’m always hopeful we’ll grow out of staying socially segregated, because when we integrate – that increases our interactions with white, Latino, Asian and other non-black men. The more men you meet, the more likely you are to meet Mr. Right for marriage, 2.5 kids and picket fences. And all that good stuff.

Relationship Barriers: The Strange Tensions

I appreciated the candor of this testimony. It reveals why some white men, and by extension other non-black men, are wary of approaching black women.

The following comments are by Carlos, which I edited to highlight some points:

  • I’m a white man in my late 30s… Well, not completely white, but basically white for other people’s perception. I love women, and I’m also a bit of a sex addict- always have been, since my teens. I love sex, and more than anything I love to give women pleasure.
  • That said, the intesity of the debate and people’s feelings around BW/WM relationships and sex have always been challenging for me. I am attracted to so many types of women, and appreciate so many different things, and black women are no exception.
  • But where I’m normally just lustful and girl-crazy, I am more cautious with black women. The controversy, history and frankly less clear flirtatious interest from black women definitely factor in and give me pause. And it’s not for lack of adoration for black women on my part, trust me.
  • But it feels more complicated, potentially, than with other women. Of course I’m generalizing, but I hope you get the idea. And really, I think that tension reflects race relations and race (mis) undertanding in general.
  • My first girlfriend and sex partner in high school was a black girl, and I have had two relationships with black women since- one lasting for 3 years monogamously and another a friendly casual sexual relationship with a neighbor that was off/on for five years.
  • I hope for more in the future.
  • On a cultural note, I think a lot of Generation X white guys like me who were raised in liberal post-hippie households, growing up and learning about sex involved a positive open attitude about sex that fostered a lot of emphasis on women’s pleasure and orgasm. I basically learned that that defined good sex. Works for me, and I think that might explain the scenario that white men are versatile, creative, long-lasting and giving lovers.

Thank you for your perspective, Carlos.

Yeah, I know he’s talking about SEX, SEX and more SEX, but he’s also admitting – as a regular guy – that he finds black women as attractive as other women. Far too often some of us like to hang our hats on men not finding us attractive, so that’s not the case here.

He’s interested, but he cannot tell if you are. He’s interested, but he hesitates, because of the historical racial and sexual “drama”.

So, I have a few questions for everyone:

  1. Do we stress the racial aspect in our interracial relationships too much?
  2. Are we working the topic of race to the point of fracture?
  3. Is our flirting ability impaired? Would it make a big difference getting it fixed?
  4. Are we the ones bringing racial tension(s) to our interactions with non-black men?
  5. Are we letting outside forces create this tension? You know, taking control of your love life where they have no business being involved.
  6. What would it take to alleviate those sexual and racial tensions? (Aside from great sex.) 😀

And everyone is free to add their own thoughts….

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Black Women: Why is the Wall Street Journal, and the media, still talking about our marriage prospects?

I liked this comment by Daphne so much, I made it a separate post. Check out the following.

Regarding the WSJ* article making the rounds:

I found it bizarre that this was in the The Wall Street Journal*, just like I thought it was bizarre there was a similar article about black women in The Economist** several months (maybe a year?) ago. To me, it reeks of “let us observe these strange creatures known as black women,” similar to zoo animals.

Plus, the author’s subtext is disturbing: more black women should marry out, to potentially improve the rates of black marriage. To me, marriage is a non-sequitur in this context, particularly given that some serious cultural issues aren’t magically repaired by marriage (i.e. ability and desire to provide, being an effective father, knowing HOW to maintain a relationship). I mean, I’d hate for a black woman to have her black man propose primarily because he’s afraid of her being taken off the market rather than….wait for it, actually wanting to be married and prepared for that stage. Not to mention how unfair it is for a non-black man to be a consolation prize because a black man isn’t available or willing to marry. But hey….as long as they’re married, I guess.

I get the supply/demand, economics side of it: more black women date out, fewer are available to black men, black men step up their game. Which is fine, for future generations, I suppose. But for the women NOW who want the best partner for them, it’s entirely possible that even willing black men aren’t the best partners because of the aforementioned cultural issues.

I also give the side-eye to any author who misuses statistics, which the WSJ author did in a major way. That 70% of unmarried black women? Includes widows and the divorced. It is also includes age 15 and up. You would think a law professor would either dig a little deeper with the stats or be more more precise in using them.

Now, I’m not denying cultural differences between whites and blacks with the marriage rate. But it’s certainly convenient for these article to throw out that 70%, as if nobody wants da po’ black woman. Not to mention using the quotes of THREE black women as representative of the majority. And when you correct for college education, the marriage disparity between black and white women is significantly smaller.

Thank you for the contribution and sparking this post, Daphne. 🙂

GoldenAh:

That article does have an air of “What can we do about these black women no one wants?”, right? 😀

As far back as the 1990s, perhaps even earlier, the NY Times periodically ran articles about the large number of college educated unmarried black women without children along with the high rate of out-of-wedlock births of single black women.

The angle changes somewhat, but it still has the familiar reek of: Black women’s relationships are a problem for society. Although I suspect they really mean, Black women’s existence is a problem for society.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Breaking It Down

You did a terrific job of nailing what’s wrong with the WSJ article. It’s not doing us any favors, but it wasn’t meant to anyway. This article insults a number of people, but the main recipients are black women and white men.

Imagine if there was a shortage of marriageable partners for white men, and black women were offered up as the last choice, second rate hope for them, because it would improve their group’s prospects with other, or the same race of, women? Even though they purportedly have a white woman shortage.

Say, what kind of logic is that?

  1. Logic that reinforces a negative image of black women. So, no surprise a black man wrote that article for a major newspaper that reaches around the world. Anything for a couple of dollars to denigrate black women is not a hard task for some black men. Regardless of how well meaning he thinks is.
  2. The logic is to continue presenting black women as racially, socially and bizarrely backward thinking: we’re worried about our HAIR, the complexions of our children, and our inability to be comfortable with non-black men. Oh, what superficial, silly, non-normal, non-female creatures we are. We are still “othering” ourselves. Those selected black women presents an image of people living in a self-imposed prison who lack any sense to free themselves of it.
  3. The logic used is a sneaky backhanded method of blaming black women for the lower rate of black marriage compared to other racial groups. The author cannot directly say that black women must do the asking, since to a mainstream audience it would be outside the norm and viewed as ridiculous. Instead, he indirectly makes the case for marrying non-black men, again like we could make them marry us somehow, to prompt black men into asking.

The key ingredient missing from the entire WSJ article is, What makes a black woman happy? What would make her feel good? What are the ways to approach her if she appears socially remote? Examples of their femininity, their normalcy, or exotic allure, would be enticing to the non-black  men reading the WSJ to look at black women positively. It would peal away at least one thin layer of separation between black women and non-black men.

However, making black women attractive, approachable and normal was not the intention of the article.

As you’ve noted, Daphne, the actual  purpose is: How do we eventually get black men to do X, Y, and Z? Because it always has to be about them, beginning, middle and ending. People need to let that go and forget about closing the barn door.  The horse that ran out is now a great-great-grand mare to her offspring. Black men cannot be cajoled, conned or bribed into marrying black women, especially when they have no desire or interest to do so.

Black women have to be happy on their own terms.  I’d respect the mainstream media if there were more articles pertaining to black women, without the insincere hand-wringing, making their own decision to integrate intimately with non-black men: by working with, making friends with, dating and marrying them. And solely for their own benefit.

 


 

* The Wall Street Journal – An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage

** The Economist Article – Print Edition – Sex and the single black woman

** The Economist Article – Blog – The unintended consequences of mass incarceration

 

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Rant: I Need My Own Cyrano De Bergerac

Granted, I can be a decent writer when I’m angry or in an especially good mood. I think my writing is even superb when I work at it.

But I’m thinking there’s something off when I write a personal ad or even a resume. It’s odd how I put those two together, but they both require a level of selling (of the self) that I’m not great at. I’m used to taking classes all of my life on how to be a dutiful student and corporate worker-bee drone, but not showcase myself.

There’s a teaching methodology of pushing learned helplessness, as opposed to independence (and I don’t mean false self-esteem) in these schooling systems that needs to be eviscerated.

I didn’t believe self-promotion was necessary – I thought “sales” was something everyone else did. Yet, little did I realize it’s the lifeblood of western society. Part of me still thinks it’s not necessary. Part of me also wonders: Where do I draw the line on describing how incredibly awesome I am (said entirely tongue-in-cheek)?

Not only that – do men actually read? I think I’m enviously starting to “hate on” women who say they’ve searched online for Mr. Right and he appears within three weeks, or even three months.

To top off my aggravation meter, the man (and I mean man) speaks to her like an adult, not a wannabe porn star.

Do guys ever realize that some women are completely turned off by constant and instantaneous sex talk? Would it hurt to even ask if that’s appropriate? Why must I be the schoolmarm and tell them it’s lame? Doesn’t anyone have any class or common sense anymore? Were all these people brought up in animal shelters?

I get that this is a hookup-instant-sex-too-much-information society. I don’t roll at that speed. I never will. I don’t roll into instant information: I like breathing space. Let me slowly process who you are. There’s no difference between meeting someone online and chatting and bar pickups. I’ve done it all. I’ve gone everywhere (meetups, church, just walking, etc.) and I still meet the same guy(s).

I know what I’m doing wrong: I should have been born during an era where people had clearly defined social rules or something. Or maybe in the future when people regain their sanity.

Yeah, I get that this is how it is. I would like to know where are the grown men? Because all I’m meeting are adolescents in the body of 30 and 40 year olds. Don’t get me wrong, I’m meeting guys! I would just like them to be mature men.

‘Cause I’m too old for the silly nonsense now.

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Black Women: My Pursuit of Happiness

I love myself. I am relaxed about it. I am mostly cheerful, generous, vain, conceited, selfish, don’t suffer pangs of guilt, and I like women who are this way too. In men, this is a no-no.

I love being a woman. If I could be reincarnated, I wouldn’t hesitate with my choice: same person, same looks, same everything.

I love my family. I love them. I never went around wishing for other folks to be related to.

I love my friends. I love them and their ways. I adore quirky people.

I love to travel. Oh, if I had the money to fly, drive, cruise, sail, and go wherever and whenever I want. If I could travel freely, I would be away from home 6 out of 12 months a year.

I love sunny beaches. Why am I not living in Hawaii, Florida or California? I don’t know. New Jersey has beaches, I suppose that’s good enough.

I love fresh snow, until the next day and the next day and the next day. Cabin fever is getting to me!

I love babies, kittens, puppies and new born things. So adorable….

I love a brand new day. I get another start. I get to start anew. Each day is a gift.

I love to anticipate the good.

I love to think positive.

I love being an optimist.

I love rooting for the underdog.

I love America. I do. No matter where I travel to, I’m overwhelmingly happy to come home. This country is my home. I could easily learn to would love living anywhere else, since I am not an absolutist, but I’m happy here. For now.

Happiness is a deliberate emotion. Happiness is a decision you make each and every day.

I love men. Okay, I love most of them. I don’t blog about the ones I have no interest in. Doesn’t make sense to.

I love self-confident people. I love people who are attractive in spirit and that has nothing to do with perfect features or their external appearance.

I love learning.

I love my curiosity.

I have to remind myself that what I love is much more than what I could possibly hate. I don’t hate that many things, and for those things that I do, it is a very short list. My list of annoyances can be very, very, very long though.

I love life.

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Hair: travel style, observations, and conditioner concoction

Returning to Normalcy (Yawn) and Travel Observations

In September, I was away for nearly three (3) weeks, and honestly, it was a downer to return. I never used to feel that way. I used to be so happy to be back in America it wasn’t funny. This was the first time I realized I could have stayed away indefinitely.

I could leave tomorrow, and not look back.

These feelings are not helped by how spoiled I was by my German friend. Talk about a man looking after you! I was truly taken care of. He’s so wonderful, my sweetheart is. And look-out! German men got some incredible legs on them!

What a delight that trip was; I’m truly sorry it had to end!

Listen up! It is not like the grass was greener in the places I went. I simply liked the way people around me behaved. Black women who travel overseas might know what I mean. I would never assume everywhere would be as satisfying as where I went.

The thought that occurred to me on my travels was: why didn’t I come here sooner?

Travel Hair Style

My bed time hair style. I often switch-up.
Ponytails give me a headache.
Looks like yarn, but it’s all mine.

I had blow dried my hair, my Mom parted it for me, before I put it into two-strand twists. I wore this style for three weeks without washing my hair. Eww, I know. I couldn’t risk a head cold, not on an airplane ride back! I’ve had that experience before, and never wanted to repeat it. I thought it was going to be difficult to deal with, but I’d simply wet ‘n wipe, and re-twist my hair after saturating it with my conditioner concoction (see below).

My Mom continues to ask me how people reacted to my hair. (Picture me with my eyebrows raised.) She knows how I am. If I loved Afros on me, and I don’t because of hair knotting, I would have rocked that style daily. My reaction is usually: I could give a rat’s behind what anyone thought. I don’t care what anyone thinks in America; I certainly did not in Europe. I could not care less, and apparently no one else did either.

She thought it looked good. I guess she wondered if anyone was going to compliment me. I was thankful that they liked to mind their own business. I could eat in any restaurant, and not get the stink-eye. The staff was almost always courteous, polite, and nice. I know I do get that here in the USA. Yet, if folks there are watching you eat, they certainly aren’t as obvious as the morons here.

My Mom once said, “Why are they in my mouth watching me take every bite?” Sigh. We’re not even talking high-end: this is in places like Chili’s.

My Hair Concoctions

I love mixing stuff together now. I still can’t wear straight conditioner in my hair, and why would I want to? But the options I gain from mixing is nice. I feel I get an extra ump out of doing this.

I mix Africa’s Best Herbal Oil (with lots of good stuff) with White Rain Conditioner (Coconut). It not only smells good, but leaves my hair feeling really nice. I also used my pure / raw Shea Butter + Aloe Vera + Vitamin E + Castor Oil + Lavender + Ylang Ylang mixture. Both concoctions put moisture into my hair and doesn’t shrink it significantly.

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If Black Women Were White Women by Alienated Conclusions

I am not a feminist / womanist, or whatever women decide to call themselves these days. I just believe in freedom, respect, prosperity, and the right to live a decent life as a human being for black women!

The following essay was very well written. The author flips the script on the madness we’ve all been inured to. It is so common place. We don’t see what’s there, this insistent and powerful brainwashing. It just is.

This is a bizarre norm we need to start rejecting.

I thoroughly enjoyed the perspective of this younger sista, enough to link to her blog, and include all of her commentary here.

The following is from Alienated Conclusions:

“If” Black Women Were White Women
August 23, 2009

In “If Men Could Menstruate”, Gloria Steinem makes the persuasive argument that “Whatever a ‘superior’ group has will be used to justify its superiority, and whatever an ‘inferior’ group has will be used to justify its plight”.

For too long the definition of racism has been a fight between white and black manhood and “who’s the bigger man”. This has historically allowed white female supremacy; the most unchallenged form of white supremacy, to escape any criticism or critical thought.

What if suddenly, instantly, the power of white femininity were transferred to black women?

The answer is clear – Black women would represent value, purity, and based on their natural traits; be worthy of protection and instantly become the objects of universal desire. White women would represent the opposite.

“Beauty tar potion” would become globally popular to get the “black look”. “Dove” would be replaced with a black soap called “Raven” to help exfoliate the skin and bring out subtle hints of melanin.

White female features would be declared violent. Their “jagged” thin lips, “knife sharp” noses, and “harsh” jaw lines would be nature’s way of declaring why men have a natural preference for the soft features of black women. Soft lips, soft cheekbones, and soft round noses would be proof of natural femininity.

Full pink lips and large dark eyes would become associated with virginal black girls, whose purity must not be compromised. Black female features would thus be said to represent youth.

Straight blond hair would be considered “wild and unruly” because when the wind blows, it does not stay in place. Women with natural straight hair would hide their “unruly” and “wild” stick-straight hair in public. The desire for “Lightweight hair” that defies gravity would permanently end the use of blow dryers. Keeping ones natural blond hair wild and straight would become indicative of a political statement.

The anti-aging properties of black female skin combined with soft curvy bodies would be proof of the overall reproductive health of black women. Scientists would argue that black women are naturally preferred as long term mates and mothers because they are “healthier”. Men’s attraction to women is based on overall health and fertility, after all.

Suddenly biracial women would be “in” because the hard features of white women didn’t prevent the fragile genes of “black beauty” from peeking through. Men would suddenly have the desire to date “ethnic” non-black women since they look “closer to black” than blond women, and at least they don’t look like white women.

Statistics would equate the fact that white women make up the majority with their “overpowering” and “strong” population. This would be proof that they can handle unsafe neighborhoods, as they have created a “strong culture” amongst themselves to withstand their lack of protection from predators and criminals. Statisticians would argue that men are attracted to black women innately because they make up a small percent of the population. We tend to value what is rare” they might say.

Men would proclaim that white women deserve sexual objectification because “flat buttocks” allow for deeper penetration. In ghettos across America, men would stand on street corners and yell “Damn! You got a flat ass!” to remind white women of their sexual status in society.

Upper class women would be afraid that their “ass looks flat” and therefore assumed to be animalistic and sexually deviant, like white women. Black women’s buttocks, said to protrude farther from the body, would prove that their natural vulnerability makes them “less equipped” to handle hardcore sex and rape, like white women.

“I need a strong white woman!” would become a popular “empowering” slogan for exploitative men who rationalized the emotional, financial, and sexual overburdening of white women.

Overweight white nannies would become the “acceptable white women” in popular culture as they do not pose a threat to black female superiority and privilege. Conventionally attractive white women would serve as a sexual threat to black women for single-handedly breaking down the beauty hierarchy.

Hip Hop videos would feature men throwing money at “white bitches” bent over in front of the camera to showcase their white asses, eager for deep penetration. Entire songs would be devoted to hatred of “white gold digging bitches” who think they are entitled to the financial security in marriage that black women are entitled to. “Penetrable white asses” and “pale-faced hoes” would become the cash-commodity for selling entire musical genres.

White women’s “hard” bodies would be deemed more “capable” of fighting off sexual attackers, and the soft curves of black female bodies would become worthy of law enforcement. White women; in spite of their high risks for violence and sexual crimes, would not “need” police protection.

Movies would feature black women as the main objects of men’s desire across racial lines, while stereotypes of evil bitter and oversexed white women would further prove why men of all races simply did not prefer blondes. We can’t help who we’re attracted to, men would say. “Preference” would become an unconcealed acceptance of discrimination against white women. White women’s anger and sadness at the status quo would be proof of their unreasonable jealousy of the innate superiority of black women.

Republicans would ban abortions to protect the virtue of pure black motherhood, and liberals would advocate for more abortion clinics in “low income” neighborhoods where white women are the majority. Liberals would claim that white women have “culturally” approved of sexual objectification and are “safe enough” without outside help since they were warned not to touch “in-group issues” with a ten foot pole.

And so on and so forth.

The most important reality is that Black feminists would eventually grow tired of being seen as innocent and vulnerable in patriarchy and would fight to erase the commodity of black femininity. “The innocent, submissive, and vulnerable representation of women is what puts us in danger. The rigid category of femininity has aided in our oppression” they might argue…

In the back of every black feminist movement we would hear the quiet and dignified pleas of radical white feminists. “Well we do not represent femininity. We are considered strong, incapable of feeling pain, and sexually deviant but all this has done is increase our likelihood for danger. And aren’t we women too?”

As Gloria Steinem said “In short, the characteristics of the powerful, whatever they may be, are thought to be better than the characteristics of the powerless – and logic has nothing to do with it.”

And what remains universally evident is that the many justifications for power and privilege are always inherent, always scientific, and always permeate society to the point that they remain deeply buried within our collective consciousness.

Until someone challenges them.

© 2009 Alienati0n

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It’s Cranky Sunday! My List of Dislikes

1. Taking myself seriously.

2. People who take themselves too seriously. Oh, so boring.

3. Comedians who don’t know how to tell a joke without using racial, sexual, politically-incorrect situations, profane language, stereotypes, and still aren’t funny. That’s the bigger crime, not being funny even after using up every taboo.

4. Extremely long trips in the plane, train, or car. I will do whatever I can to avoid it. Price may be no object.

5. Working for a corporation where almost all the managers are white males, and nearly everyone at the bottom is a woman. This place sucks.

6. Interviewing at a corporation where all the managers are men, and everyone at the bottom is a woman. This place sucks.

7. People who like to cut off a story you are telling just to observe something trivial. Hey, I’m through. I’d prefer to be told, “I don’t want to hear that story.” I can respect that. Just don’t be surprised when I return the favor.

8. TMI (too much information): Why wont you keep it to yourself? Not everyone is Oprah, Tyra, or an inquisitive reporter.

9. Older / younger women (black or white) who need to share their offensive opinion of one’s (take your pick) clothing, hair (style), weight, appearance, and family members that they cannot keep to themselves. I would like for them to try, or please, STFU.

10. Strange men who think they have the right to invade my personal space, or stare at me as though I must acknowledge them. Either say hello, or keep it moving. You aren’t special.

11. Dog owners. That’s why people poison the pooch, folks keep making a nuisance of the animal.

12. Excessively politically correct people, who know all the silly, bloody dumb abbreviations for the causes they support are irritating phonies and frauds. The “causes” they support with abbreviations, slang, or correct-speak, comes across as incoherent nonsense.

Wearing one’s “goodness” on the sleeve makes me suspect cynicism. So everyone is bad, hence they need you to tell them how to be good, pure, decent, and altruistic? Look, those who give to charity don’t bray about it like a donkey for 24/7. They are the truly kind people.

Collect your goody-two-shoes-cookies: go home. It’s a cruel world out there; nobody cares about how sincere you are pretending to be.

13. Tailgaters.

14. People who drive with the car windows down, playing hip hop / rap at the loudest volume possible. Effing morons.

15. Organizations using the same picture of a brown skinned child for the last twenty plus years to raise money.

16. Any “non-profit” company, corporation, or person trying to guilt-trip me into doing something “noble”: to send money, join their cause, or alter my behavior for the good of others. I just wanna firebomb your headquarters, or take a baseball bat upside your head.

Emotional blackmail is not a good way to get me to see the worthiness of the endeavor. Give me a rational, logical, and substantial reason why I should do something. Otherwise ….

17. Being able to predict the end of the majority of movies, and TV shows, within the first 15-20 minutes. I’ve been able to do that since I was 9 years old.

18. All media, new and old, working to get me to concerned, stirred up, or worried about elected officials, government, the economy, box office tallies, company x going down the toilet, strife in country y, starvation in country z, and famous-for-no-reason celebrity bleached blond, or lace front wearing, twit.

I don’t care. I don’t want to know.

19. Women who are hostile (evil eye, verbal combativeness) to other women, because the object of scorn is (extremely) attractive, apparently fussy, younger, and minding her own business. How about leaving her alone?

20. Men who are verbally (and potentially physically) abusive to women, because the object of fixation is (extremely) attractive, apparently fussy, and ignoring their existence. How about leaving her alone?

21. Slang.

22. Women who complain about their spouses to me. I’m feeling contempt for you honey, not sympathy.

23. Abbreviations are meaningless without an initial description. I don’t even bother to Google: I stop reading.

24. Familiarity. Due to “us” being “black.” Step back! Back up, back up! I don’t know you. Show some manners, it is not hard.

25. Assuming that, because I am “black”, I will agree with every I’m-black-first-woman-second, liberal, progressive, left-wing, Democratic Party, far-flung Marxist, Socialist, Communist, anti-Semitic, anti-white, anti-Asian, anti-Latino, anti-male, misanthropic, xenophobic, racist, misogynistic philosophy, or sentiment expressed.

Try again. I don’t believe the answer is always so simple. There are nuances to everything.

Phew, it’s amazing the number of people I’ve met, who will sidle up to me, and assume, I share, or embrace their biases, beliefs, common tropes, stereotypes, and prejudices, because I am a woman who’s “black.” Scary. You don’t know me.

26. Self-pity. I suggest suicide as a cure.

27. Emotional bullies. (see 25)

28. People who want you to be impressed with their degrees, or the degrees of others, from Ivy League or prestigious colleges or universities. I’m happy for them. Impressed? No.

29. People who spend all day talking about how much money their spouses make, how well connected or wealthy their family is, or other talking points designed to make you realize just how fabulous and awesome they are. Okay. Cool! Here’s a cookie.

30. Men who wont marry the mother of his illegitimate bastards, and wants to pretend she’s stopping it from happening. The disrespect to her, himself and the kid(s) is appalling. No one is fooled. You don’t look like a responsible “man”.

31. Women who wont marry the father of her illegitimate bastards, and wants to pretend that she’s liberated, empowered, and a clever feminist defeating paternalistic matrimony. Yeah, everyone’s really awed with your notion of freedom. Selfish and irresponsible, that’s what you are.

32. The Internet.

33. People with an entitlement mentality. This country is decaying. The social fabric unraveling day by day, bit by bit, because everyone is expecting the labor of others to fulfill their needs, wants and livelihood. It’s an impossible demand and situation. Everyone cannot live out of the pockets of others. Everyone must earn their own keep.

34. People who think that a bit of immorality in one place doesn’t seep into others. If your “friend” is a thief, they will also come to steal from you, or worse. Count on it.

35. Hospitals.

36. Malodorous persons, places or things.

37. Long, long, long lines anywhere – that are barely moving. I don’t even have to be on one. Just can’t stand the sight of it.

38. Thieves: be it of useful things, time, patience, and good feelings.

39. Katy Perry, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and whatever “famous” person for the next 15 minutes, whom we’ll never see, or (God willing) never hear of, or from, again. These names are just the tip of this particular iceberg.

40. Crowds. Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh!

There could be more, but I’ll stop here.

To be continued, with what I Like.

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