Tips for Today’s Negroes: A Lesson in Manners

Who’s Your Daddy?

Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of you did not have Fathers to teach you how to be a gentleman. And the likelihood is high that your Mothers probably didn’t have the time, inclination, or interest in teaching any of y’all manners. Maybe everybody thought that lil man ShayQuan being rude and obnoxious was cute when you were 5 years old and eventually you’d grow out of it.

Unfortunately, for some of y’all, it never happened. For some reason, your boys on the street or that friendly Mr. Hamilton across town – that old guy who’d slide you a couple dollars every once in a while for your “services” – never bothered to give you a heads-up.

However, as a contemporary negro that loves to tell everyone that you are, “A grown ass man,” here are some worthy tips to show you are one, as opposed to being an overgrown, petulant knucklehead.

These tips are obvious to most well rounded people, but unfortunately common sense is in short supply these days:

Stay Thirsty and Be Anxious to Learn

1. Learn to greet everyone you meet with a, “Good morning,” if the sun is coming up or until around 11:00 A.M. like Micky Ds.

2. Say, “Hello,” for the entire day. Smiling is not necessary, but it is helpful.

3. “How are you?” Is allowed after, “Hello.”

4. If you are asked, “How are you?” Reply with, “I am fine,” or “I am good.” No grammar Nazis here.

5. “Goodnight,” isn’t an invitation to talk more or a hookup. It serves the same purpose as, “Goodbye.”

6. Do not demand that any black woman or black girl, whether you are acquainted or strangers, smile at you. It is harassment. Don’t be proud of it. You don’t know who she knows. 🙂

7.  Keep your voice even when you address any woman. Anything louder sounds threatening. Speak with a moderate tone.

8. Hold the door open for all women, children and even other men. Good manners isn’t just a “white” thing.

9. Speak clearly: mumbling makes you sound like a numbskull.

10. Do not treat black women or black girls as though they are easy scores, a potential main squeeze, work place buddy confidant, or source of joking material. Cat calls, nasty comments and hollering at us is not appreciated.

I know a number of us have gotten used to little, if any, kind of common courtesy, as opposed to what you slavishly bestow upon non-black women. However, please keep your contempt to yourself. Non-blacks may appreciate your derogatory “shuck and jive” routine, but a lot of black women do not.

11. You may not believe it, but a lot of us don’t care to exchange more than a few passing words in greeting. That sista who is standing around listening to you is quietly suffering. She doesn’t know how to cut you off, because you’ve made it obvious you’d make her life hell (at the job) if she does.

Truth of the matter is: no one cares about your love life, personal hygiene, lack of money, and endless baby Momma stories. Your life story isn’t nearly as enthralling as you might think.

12. Enough with the jokes. Richard Pryor most likely told all of the best ones. He was funny. You are not.

13. If we seem to be ignoring you – after an initial greeting – let it be forever known: WE ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU. Despite what you read in the black media and the desperate black women who write for them: YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF OUR UNIVERSE.

14. If you would never say it to someone white, then do not say it to a black woman. Please, spare us.

15.  Your Momma really is the only woman who will put up with you. So, get over yourself and leave your issues at home.

16. It is not the black woman’s fault, if her job is more demanding than yours. She’s paid her dues. And believe it or not, that didn’t come by sleeping with a “white man”, since most of our bosses are likely to be white women. We went to school and worked while you decided it was better to hang out with LaTrell’monte back in the hood.

17. Your sucky job is not our problem. It’s up to you to solve. I heard there’s plenty of high paying jobs in North Dakota.

Let’s see if you can work with the white men up there with your current attitude, instead of living off of a black woman down here where it’s “safe”. 🙂

Sure, a few bits of the advice listed could apply to some black women. But being out-of-order seems to be a specialty of negroes.

I’m gonna say it again, as I’ve said it before: you are not entitled to special attention or deference from us. Let’s treat one another with respect, be polite in public and take it from there.

If what I wrote doesn’t apply to you, then don’t get upset.

Cheers. 😀

BWE.links and then some…

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Black Women: My Pursuit of Happiness

I love myself. I am relaxed about it. I am mostly cheerful, generous, vain, conceited, selfish, don’t suffer pangs of guilt, and I like women who are this way too. In men, this is a no-no.

I love being a woman. If I could be reincarnated, I wouldn’t hesitate with my choice: same person, same looks, same everything.

I love my family. I love them. I never went around wishing for other folks to be related to.

I love my friends. I love them and their ways. I adore quirky people.

I love to travel. Oh, if I had the money to fly, drive, cruise, sail, and go wherever and whenever I want. If I could travel freely, I would be away from home 6 out of 12 months a year.

I love sunny beaches. Why am I not living in Hawaii, Florida or California? I don’t know. New Jersey has beaches, I suppose that’s good enough.

I love fresh snow, until the next day and the next day and the next day. Cabin fever is getting to me!

I love babies, kittens, puppies and new born things. So adorable….

I love a brand new day. I get another start. I get to start anew. Each day is a gift.

I love to anticipate the good.

I love to think positive.

I love being an optimist.

I love rooting for the underdog.

I love America. I do. No matter where I travel to, I’m overwhelmingly happy to come home. This country is my home. I could easily learn to would love living anywhere else, since I am not an absolutist, but I’m happy here. For now.

Happiness is a deliberate emotion. Happiness is a decision you make each and every day.

I love men. Okay, I love most of them. I don’t blog about the ones I have no interest in. Doesn’t make sense to.

I love self-confident people. I love people who are attractive in spirit and that has nothing to do with perfect features or their external appearance.

I love learning.

I love my curiosity.

I have to remind myself that what I love is much more than what I could possibly hate. I don’t hate that many things, and for those things that I do, it is a very short list. My list of annoyances can be very, very, very long though.

I love life.

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It’s Cranky Sunday! My List of Dislikes

1. Taking myself seriously.

2. People who take themselves too seriously. Oh, so boring.

3. Comedians who don’t know how to tell a joke without using racial, sexual, politically-incorrect situations, profane language, stereotypes, and still aren’t funny. That’s the bigger crime, not being funny even after using up every taboo.

4. Extremely long trips in the plane, train, or car. I will do whatever I can to avoid it. Price may be no object.

5. Working for a corporation where almost all the managers are white males, and nearly everyone at the bottom is a woman. This place sucks.

6. Interviewing at a corporation where all the managers are men, and everyone at the bottom is a woman. This place sucks.

7. People who like to cut off a story you are telling just to observe something trivial. Hey, I’m through. I’d prefer to be told, “I don’t want to hear that story.” I can respect that. Just don’t be surprised when I return the favor.

8. TMI (too much information): Why wont you keep it to yourself? Not everyone is Oprah, Tyra, or an inquisitive reporter.

9. Older / younger women (black or white) who need to share their offensive opinion of one’s (take your pick) clothing, hair (style), weight, appearance, and family members that they cannot keep to themselves. I would like for them to try, or please, STFU.

10. Strange men who think they have the right to invade my personal space, or stare at me as though I must acknowledge them. Either say hello, or keep it moving. You aren’t special.

11. Dog owners. That’s why people poison the pooch, folks keep making a nuisance of the animal.

12. Excessively politically correct people, who know all the silly, bloody dumb abbreviations for the causes they support are irritating phonies and frauds. The “causes” they support with abbreviations, slang, or correct-speak, comes across as incoherent nonsense.

Wearing one’s “goodness” on the sleeve makes me suspect cynicism. So everyone is bad, hence they need you to tell them how to be good, pure, decent, and altruistic? Look, those who give to charity don’t bray about it like a donkey for 24/7. They are the truly kind people.

Collect your goody-two-shoes-cookies: go home. It’s a cruel world out there; nobody cares about how sincere you are pretending to be.

13. Tailgaters.

14. People who drive with the car windows down, playing hip hop / rap at the loudest volume possible. Effing morons.

15. Organizations using the same picture of a brown skinned child for the last twenty plus years to raise money.

16. Any “non-profit” company, corporation, or person trying to guilt-trip me into doing something “noble”: to send money, join their cause, or alter my behavior for the good of others. I just wanna firebomb your headquarters, or take a baseball bat upside your head.

Emotional blackmail is not a good way to get me to see the worthiness of the endeavor. Give me a rational, logical, and substantial reason why I should do something. Otherwise ….

17. Being able to predict the end of the majority of movies, and TV shows, within the first 15-20 minutes. I’ve been able to do that since I was 9 years old.

18. All media, new and old, working to get me to concerned, stirred up, or worried about elected officials, government, the economy, box office tallies, company x going down the toilet, strife in country y, starvation in country z, and famous-for-no-reason celebrity bleached blond, or lace front wearing, twit.

I don’t care. I don’t want to know.

19. Women who are hostile (evil eye, verbal combativeness) to other women, because the object of scorn is (extremely) attractive, apparently fussy, younger, and minding her own business. How about leaving her alone?

20. Men who are verbally (and potentially physically) abusive to women, because the object of fixation is (extremely) attractive, apparently fussy, and ignoring their existence. How about leaving her alone?

21. Slang.

22. Women who complain about their spouses to me. I’m feeling contempt for you honey, not sympathy.

23. Abbreviations are meaningless without an initial description. I don’t even bother to Google: I stop reading.

24. Familiarity. Due to “us” being “black.” Step back! Back up, back up! I don’t know you. Show some manners, it is not hard.

25. Assuming that, because I am “black”, I will agree with every I’m-black-first-woman-second, liberal, progressive, left-wing, Democratic Party, far-flung Marxist, Socialist, Communist, anti-Semitic, anti-white, anti-Asian, anti-Latino, anti-male, misanthropic, xenophobic, racist, misogynistic philosophy, or sentiment expressed.

Try again. I don’t believe the answer is always so simple. There are nuances to everything.

Phew, it’s amazing the number of people I’ve met, who will sidle up to me, and assume, I share, or embrace their biases, beliefs, common tropes, stereotypes, and prejudices, because I am a woman who’s “black.” Scary. You don’t know me.

26. Self-pity. I suggest suicide as a cure.

27. Emotional bullies. (see 25)

28. People who want you to be impressed with their degrees, or the degrees of others, from Ivy League or prestigious colleges or universities. I’m happy for them. Impressed? No.

29. People who spend all day talking about how much money their spouses make, how well connected or wealthy their family is, or other talking points designed to make you realize just how fabulous and awesome they are. Okay. Cool! Here’s a cookie.

30. Men who wont marry the mother of his illegitimate bastards, and wants to pretend she’s stopping it from happening. The disrespect to her, himself and the kid(s) is appalling. No one is fooled. You don’t look like a responsible “man”.

31. Women who wont marry the father of her illegitimate bastards, and wants to pretend that she’s liberated, empowered, and a clever feminist defeating paternalistic matrimony. Yeah, everyone’s really awed with your notion of freedom. Selfish and irresponsible, that’s what you are.

32. The Internet.

33. People with an entitlement mentality. This country is decaying. The social fabric unraveling day by day, bit by bit, because everyone is expecting the labor of others to fulfill their needs, wants and livelihood. It’s an impossible demand and situation. Everyone cannot live out of the pockets of others. Everyone must earn their own keep.

34. People who think that a bit of immorality in one place doesn’t seep into others. If your “friend” is a thief, they will also come to steal from you, or worse. Count on it.

35. Hospitals.

36. Malodorous persons, places or things.

37. Long, long, long lines anywhere – that are barely moving. I don’t even have to be on one. Just can’t stand the sight of it.

38. Thieves: be it of useful things, time, patience, and good feelings.

39. Katy Perry, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and whatever “famous” person for the next 15 minutes, whom we’ll never see, or (God willing) never hear of, or from, again. These names are just the tip of this particular iceberg.

40. Crowds. Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh!

There could be more, but I’ll stop here.

To be continued, with what I Like.

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