Black Woman: Would You Marry a Blue Collar White Man?

The Question

Asked of me by C.B.:

If you are educated, would you or have you married a blue collar wm? Many folks are quick to suggest bw take or accept a lower level bm on the academic and economic label. Why is this a problem if a bw marries a wm on a lower scale. (I do know a lady who married a produce manager wm, and she is a phd level. They just had a second baby.)

The Answer

The following is from my personal perspective. It is not intended as follow-what-I’m-doing advice (which is never my intention on this blog), but it’s an example of how I think. Your own dating and marrying philosophy may differ. 🙂

Education

About me: I like to joke that I am over-educated. It doesn’t mean I know everything, but I am excessively curious about a lot of things, and I always need to know more. Since I was eight, I loved reading encyclopedias and dictionaries. Today, I enjoy scanning the internet(s) for obscure information.

I used to want to be a fireman, police officer, and an artist. Then I wanted to be an astronaut, research scientist of weird diseases, writer, and a lawyer. My interests continued to change, but my desire for information and knowledge did not.

I graduated from high school, wishing I left a few years early, then proceeded to obtain an Associate’s Degree, Bachelor’s Degree and finally a Master’s Degree. It took a lot of years of hustling to achieve these diplomas. I often worked while attending school, and for the advanced degree, my employer(s) paid for the education.

Do the diplomas make me happy? They were not attained for personal happiness. The purpose of my education is for personal self-fulfillment and is a necessary tool, among others, in working as a “professional” in a white collar corporate environment or pursuing self-employment. For the time being, I am done with obtaining another degree, but I will go  for additional certifications and a license or two.

Blue Collar vs White Collar Men

Not all men favor extensive schooling, and they are able to work at not just good, but great blue collar jobs, without a need for a high school diploma or college education. They even make more than anyone in a white collar profession would earn in their lifetime.

I’ve known a variety of men. My Mom likes to tell people I date the United Nations. Some of the men didn’t finish college. Some of them were self-taught in order to work in their office profession.

The odds are always low that I would encounter an available blue collar white man, based on my social circles, work environment and personal interests. In addition to that, based on observation, blue collar men marry earlier than white collar men. They start working right after, or even during, high school right into a stable well paying position, with excellent long term benefits. Whereas the potential white collar worker will spend the next 4-8 plus years studying and putting his life on hold.

Final Answer

I don’t believe I would ever find myself marrying a blue collar white man, because I don’t think we would be a good fit. It is not easy to meet men who like women with a college education or advanced degrees. I don’t care what his race is. I don’t volunteer my educational background unless asked, but once they find out they’ll lose that “loving feeling”.

On the flip side, I will be real here: it is not easy talking or relating to a man with definitive educational gaps. Now, I know everyone who loves exceptions will offer up a spate of their genius IQ high school or college dropout friends*, but I’m talking about what I’ve met on average in the general course of life.

I don’t play Jeopardy with every man I meet, but for fun I’ll look for some indication that this guy keeps himself informed or has an intense interest in anything beyond his nose. Usually, I find that he’s satisfied with his lot in life. Good for him. He will not even have the slightest desire to know more, travel, explore or fulfill some lifelong aspirational ambition. Nope. He’s happy as a pig in s&!t (although, in fact, pigs put their stuff in one corner and do not wallow in it).

But hey, who am I to decide he needs more? So, where he sees bliss, I see stagnation. And I’m happy for the guy, but I realize that we wouldn’t last long as a couple.

My philosophy is this: if I like learning, studying, schooling, travel, and seeking opportunities to explore, why would I expect to get along with a man who doesn’t? I’m old enough to know that I cannot.

 


 

* For example, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Michael Dell and men like these don’t count in this relationship equation. Steve returned to college to continue learning, but focusing only on classes that served his interests. Gates and Dell left college a number of credits shy of their degrees.

The difference with these men is that they are ambitious, eternally curious and they never stopped learning….

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Rant: I Need My Own Cyrano De Bergerac

Granted, I can be a decent writer when I’m angry or in an especially good mood. I think my writing is even superb when I work at it.

But I’m thinking there’s something off when I write a personal ad or even a resume. It’s odd how I put those two together, but they both require a level of selling (of the self) that I’m not great at. I’m used to taking classes all of my life on how to be a dutiful student and corporate worker-bee drone, but not showcase myself.

There’s a teaching methodology of pushing learned helplessness, as opposed to independence (and I don’t mean false self-esteem) in these schooling systems that needs to be eviscerated.

I didn’t believe self-promotion was necessary – I thought “sales” was something everyone else did. Yet, little did I realize it’s the lifeblood of western society. Part of me still thinks it’s not necessary. Part of me also wonders: Where do I draw the line on describing how incredibly awesome I am (said entirely tongue-in-cheek)?

Not only that – do men actually read? I think I’m enviously starting to “hate on” women who say they’ve searched online for Mr. Right and he appears within three weeks, or even three months.

To top off my aggravation meter, the man (and I mean man) speaks to her like an adult, not a wannabe porn star.

Do guys ever realize that some women are completely turned off by constant and instantaneous sex talk? Would it hurt to even ask if that’s appropriate? Why must I be the schoolmarm and tell them it’s lame? Doesn’t anyone have any class or common sense anymore? Were all these people brought up in animal shelters?

I get that this is a hookup-instant-sex-too-much-information society. I don’t roll at that speed. I never will. I don’t roll into instant information: I like breathing space. Let me slowly process who you are. There’s no difference between meeting someone online and chatting and bar pickups. I’ve done it all. I’ve gone everywhere (meetups, church, just walking, etc.) and I still meet the same guy(s).

I know what I’m doing wrong: I should have been born during an era where people had clearly defined social rules or something. Or maybe in the future when people regain their sanity.

Yeah, I get that this is how it is. I would like to know where are the grown men? Because all I’m meeting are adolescents in the body of 30 and 40 year olds. Don’t get me wrong, I’m meeting guys! I would just like them to be mature men.

‘Cause I’m too old for the silly nonsense now.

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Wing Men Wanted for Jill Scott!

Wanted-for-hire:

  • Tall, not too buff, white and/or Asian man, martial arts expert, needed to play the roles of Wing Men for Jill Scott.
  • Must be fluent in hood speech (you just need to understand the latest slang).
  • You must be able to name all of her songs, and be acquainted with the foods she craves and loves.
  • You must have high tolerance for drama, and be extremely proficient at handling high-strung women.

Your job – should you decide to accept the assignment – is to pretend to be really, really, interested in Ms Scott.

Background Research

She’s in Essence Magazine, on national, and quite likely international, television declaring her desperate, desperate need for a brotha. Not just any LeTrellmonte from the hood, but a professional, well-to-do brotha.

Seems she’s seeing too many with de white wimmen. It makes her wince. It fills her with angst.

She claims to be speaking for a whole host of black wimmen. Millions of us. Everywhere. Everywhere you go, there’s de black wimmen wincing at de brothas with de white wimmen.

Le sigh.

Gentlemen, Here Are Your Roles: Action!

Mr. Wing Man – 1.  The following are instructions for how your assignment will proceed:

You will take Ms Scott out to a popular place where a lot of these PWB (professional working brothas) hang out.

Your job is to make PWB jealous. I know it’s an extremely hard and impossible task, but Ms Scott desperately needs your help. She refuses to get grief counseling.

But we’ve got our ways to help break the dry spell in her love life.

You two will take center table. It’s not enough to take out her chair. You have to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and declare loudly, “I am the luckiest man in the world.”

We will get the waiters to sing a love ballad (her song of course), and you will present her with a large bouquet of roses (must be red).

At this point, you leave for the men’s room.

Remember to eyeball all the PWBs in the room, before you head out.

Mr. Wing Man – 2.  The following are instructions for how your assignment will proceed:

You will come into the room, and take Mr. Wing Man – 1’s  seat.

Stand and shout, “You are so beautiful, Jill.” Look around the room.

Then sit again. Grab her hand and kiss it. Kiss it again.

Put your hand on your heart. Give her a yellow rose. Make your exit.

Like Mr. Wing Man – 1, make sure to eyeball every PWB in the room, before you leave.

Wrap-up for Mr. Wing Man – 1:

Return.

Without bothering to eat, or take in the entertainment, or whatever, grab her hand, and escort her out.

Based on your urgency, people will see a passionate couple looking to leave early.

This time, do not look at the PWBs.

Must be repeated bi-monthly.

Now, these performances wont raise the interest of the PWBs, ’cause if dey like de white wimmen dat’s what dey want. But it may make a few jealous, and it will give Jill Scott all the attention she desperately craves and needs.

Maybe in future she’ll clarify that she’s speaking for herself, instead of cloaking her opinion as a “black wimmen’s issue with interracial dating.” Only for you Jill, only for you.

Some of us black wimmens actually love men of all races, creeds, and colors.

As for who de brothas are with, “Who gives a flying #$&*?” I wish they would only wince when we’re with our non-Black guys, ’cause they are damn well ultra nosy, noisy, and criminally stupid about it.

Now, I have to go burn my copy of Essence Magazine, right after removing Zoe Saldana from the cover, and related contents, for keepsake.

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Twilight

Pretty guy alert: Bella’s friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner).

Twilight was unintentionally funny, yet disturbing. I saw it on DVD, and this film would be a wonderful source of parodies for years to come.

I think what may have sounded great on paper (Twilight comes from a series of books about a teen in love with a vampire), but on screen: B-film quality, melodramatic, creepy, campy, and downright corny.

I Think I’ve Seen This Before

As an old reader of “she loves her murderous, dangerous, super-strong, pale, he-can’t-read-her-mind, uberman (Ubermensch) vampire” stories, I’m reminded of Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series. It’s on cable as True Blood. I haven’t watched the series yet, so I don’t know how close that adheres to the books.

It was enjoyable to watch Twilight for two reasons: the director (Catherine Hardwicke) made Forks, Washington look like the most beautiful place on earth, and the music was rather nice. The cinematography of this flick was simply awesome. Makes me want to visit Washington state just to take a look-see.

This movie follows Isabella Swan (Bella played by Kristen Stewart) who decides to live with her father, Charlie (Billy Burke), because her Mom’s new husband is a minor league baseball player. The choice for the mother was either stay home to look after a teen in Phoenix, Arizona, or travel with her man. Bella decided to make her Mother happy and seek out Charlie.

Census Count: Check

Overall, the casting was surprisingly inclusive, every demographic was in this film: Asian, black, white, Latino, and Native American. I don’t think I can recall a movie this inclusive, and I’ve seen too many to count.

I only wish that Charlie was having a relationship with the black waitress, Cora, (Ayanna Berkshire). She seemed sweet on him. Plus, I find it hard to believe that a Sheriff as good looking as this guy could be single. I hope she’s in the sequel.

Kiddie Pool
: Deeper Than Suspected

As for dialogue, I find gasps for breath, hangdog, open mouth expressions, not being quite able to say what they feel, and excessive pauses in dialogue to be irritating. The flow of conversation could have been handled better. It came across as overdone, campy, and silly.

You know what though? I think this film is something that pre-teens (and younger) shouldn’t be exposed to. Although the film was rated PG, I felt there was something unseemly being conveyed. I’m not a prude. I’ve read some hardcore stuff at an early age, but I grew up closely supervised and protected. I can only imagine what kids are free to do today.

Predators ‘R Welcome!

What was unseemly in the film? Straight up, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was a weird, creepy stalker. Despite the bad boy saving a helpless damsel in distress, James Dean vibe or hairdo, he was way way older – nearly a century – than Bella.

He admits, he’s killed. He claims he’s a monster.

And Bella’s response to these nuggets of information? “I don’t care.

Initially, from the way they behaved, I couldn’t discern mutual attraction, or that they were even in love.

He has cold hands. He’s the undead. There’s no warmth in his body. If only the writers understood how uncomfortable and unattractive cold hands, a mouth and body is. Even in the beginning of the movie Bella admits she doesn’t like cold wet things. When they kiss, I’m thinking, A cold mouth? That’s repulsive.

Vampire or not, he’s essentially a cannibal. He’s telling her has to constantly control his urge to eat / drink her dry / kill her.

Does that sound romantic to you?

Our Alternate Universe

I twisted this scenario to a real world scenario: image an older guy, a killer, a rapist, a sadist, telling a young girl he can’t stay away, because he needs to kill her?

What’s the young girl supposed to feel? Attraction and flattered? GTFOOH.

Aren’t there enough missing young women about? I’m not saying young girls are all airheads, but some (as well as boys) are emotionally vulnerable, the right kind of attention and pressure could get them into a lot of troubling situations.

For Adults Minds Only

It’s an adequate film for the mentally stable, hard to impress, media resistant, and with a healthy ability to recognize schlock when they see it. I’m hoping there’s no suggestion lurking in any mind that anything that’s presented as a relationship in this movie is something worth emulating.

And with that said, I look forward to the sequel when it is eventually released on DVD.

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