- Tall, not too buff, white and/or Asian man, martial arts expert, needed to play the roles of Wing Men for Jill Scott.
- Must be fluent in hood speech (you just need to understand the latest slang).
- You must be able to name all of her songs, and be acquainted with the foods she craves and loves.
- You must have high tolerance for drama, and be extremely proficient at handling high-strung women.
Your job – should you decide to accept the assignment – is to pretend to be really, really, interested in Ms Scott.
She’s in Essence Magazine, on national, and quite likely international, television declaring her desperate, desperate need for a brotha. Not just any LeTrellmonte from the hood, but a professional, well-to-do brotha.
Seems she’s seeing too many with de white wimmen. It makes her wince. It fills her with angst.
She claims to be speaking for a whole host of black wimmen. Millions of us. Everywhere. Everywhere you go, there’s de black wimmen wincing at de brothas with de white wimmen.
Gentlemen, Here Are Your Roles: Action!
Mr. Wing Man – 1. The following are instructions for how your assignment will proceed:
You will take Ms Scott out to a popular place where a lot of these PWB (professional working brothas) hang out.
Your job is to make PWB jealous. I know it’s an extremely hard and impossible task, but Ms Scott desperately needs your help. She refuses to get grief counseling.
But we’ve got our ways to help break the dry spell in her love life.
You two will take center table. It’s not enough to take out her chair. You have to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and declare loudly, “I am the luckiest man in the world.”
We will get the waiters to sing a love ballad (her song of course), and you will present her with a large bouquet of roses (must be red).
At this point, you leave for the men’s room.
Remember to eyeball all the PWBs in the room, before you head out.
Mr. Wing Man – 2. The following are instructions for how your assignment will proceed:
You will come into the room, and take Mr. Wing Man – 1’s seat.
Stand and shout, “You are so beautiful, Jill.” Look around the room.
Then sit again. Grab her hand and kiss it. Kiss it again.
Put your hand on your heart. Give her a yellow rose. Make your exit.
Like Mr. Wing Man – 1, make sure to eyeball every PWB in the room, before you leave.
Wrap-up for Mr. Wing Man – 1:
Without bothering to eat, or take in the entertainment, or whatever, grab her hand, and escort her out.
Based on your urgency, people will see a passionate couple looking to leave early.
This time, do not look at the PWBs.
Must be repeated bi-monthly.
Now, these performances wont raise the interest of the PWBs, ’cause if dey like de white wimmen dat’s what dey want. But it may make a few jealous, and it will give Jill Scott all the attention she desperately craves and needs.
Maybe in future she’ll clarify that she’s speaking for herself, instead of cloaking her opinion as a “black wimmen’s issue with interracial dating.” Only for you Jill, only for you.
Some of us black wimmens actually love men of all races, creeds, and colors.
As for who de brothas are with, “Who gives a flying #$&*?” I wish they would only wince when we’re with our non-Black guys, ’cause they are damn well ultra nosy, noisy, and criminally stupid about it.
Now, I have to go burn my copy of Essence Magazine, right after removing Zoe Saldana from the cover, and related contents, for keepsake.