Decepticons: The Jason Collins Story and Wasting Years of Your Life Waiting on Him

Long-winded title, but hoping you get the point.

Maybe you’ve heard about it. Maybe you’ve been blissfully unaware of the¬†hullabaloo¬†that’s dominated the mainstream media for a couple of days.

See, what happened is an NBA baller (snicker) earned his 15 minutes of fame by declaring that he is – wait for it – wait for it – “gay.” Such an interesting euphemism. However, this is the deal: Jason Collins realizes that he enjoys, prefers and wants to have SEX, MAKE LOVE and HAVE RELATIONSHIPS with other men.

And he truly believes we, meaning everybody on the planet, needed to know this. Whamp. Whamp. (Sound of sad trumpet blaring.)

After I stopped laughing over the last few days, my hands were steady enough to compose this post. Ay, yay yay.

baketball2

He Was Afraid of What Now?

Jason Collins is 7 feet tall. He’s a multimillionaire. He attended Stanford University. He knows the Clintons, Obama and other elites. That’s a big, powerful, well connected and wealthy closet he chose to climb out of.

So, I just wanna ask: How could anybody so ridiculously massive and intimidating claim to be fearful of being “gay” in this day and age? I mean, someone is gonna talk smack to a big black guy nearly 300 lbs in weight? LOL.

This is ridiculous.

Our Pretender-In-Chief, The Man Who Never Stops Campaigning

Obama felt the need to thrust himself into this particular spotlight by calling on this cloistered, privileged, bench-warming and obscure NBA player. He had to congratulate him on being a homosexual. That’s important. Really, really important. Glad to know what the President’s priorities are. ‘Cause it’s not like he’s able to work with Congress. It’s not like he can focus on the economy. He’s got better things to do. Like playing golf, shooting hoops, coming up with those all-important March-madness brackets, etc.

He shows us he can focus: Michelle once complained that she was a “single mother.” Totally understandable. He’s a busy man.

And at the press conference he needed to mention it again. There are homosexuals and lesbians playing professional sports. Who’da thunkit?

Maybe at the start of each game, as they introduce the players, announcers can add: “Welcome player number zero, OchinoDumbo. He’s a¬†heterosexual¬†from Baltimore, with 12 children from his 5 baby mommas. Yet, on long trips, he can be delightfully¬†bi-curious.”

Waiting 8 Years on a DeceptiCon

The part of this story that I find interesting is who got the stiff (oh, wrong word), er, raw end of this deal. Seems that Jason had a white woman, whose name is Moos (I am not making this up), that he DATED for 8 YEARS. Even was engaged to be married to.

Now, ain’t this a blip?

This relationship didn’t end when he was a young man, maybe still confused, torn or excited. This dude was about 30, if not older, when he changed his mind. But he rode (oh, wrong word again), used this woman as his golden beard for 8 long years, while he thought, supposedly agonized, and mulled it over.

Meanwhile, she said on one of those interviews that she, “Had a script of how life was going to be”, or something to that extent.

What the Problem Is

It is NOT that he’s (finally) admitted he enjoys the sweet, sweet taste of sweaty scrotum. No, not at all. More people should be honest – they just don’t have to tell the whole world. No one really cares. The issue is that Jason Collins¬†deceived a woman, used her youth, her fertility, her time and her mental “scripting” while he knew he was living a lie.

That is down low behavior, which is foul and the heart of how a DeceptiCon behaves. It ain’t right.

Now, people may¬†sympathize¬†with his conflicts, or situations, but it doesn’t mean he had to drag her into it. And for such a long time.

Ms Moos is partly at fault as well. You don’t hang onto a man for that long. I don’t care if you knew him from way back when, like in high school or college. At some point, you either cut bait or reel him in. I know, I know, she was waiting for the “pay off.” And the cynic in me feels that, she would have been satisfied being married to a man who occasionally played for the other team. Discretely, of course.

Well, that kind of arrangement is nothing new. She wouldn’t have mind, because she’d have the money, status and “stability.” Plus, a divorce or¬†alimony¬†would have been sufficient compensation for the “estrangement¬†of affections.”

Black Women Get Reamed This Way Quite Often

My last bit of surprise is that this was a “well-educated good black man”, a.k.a. purple unicorn, pulling this kind of DeceptiCon on a white woman. Look, I won’t front, I honestly thought that when you see an IR couple, and it’s BM / WW, even if he’s gonna have his “issues” – he’s going to be genuinely attracted to her. You know, there’s that Mandingo, Snowbunny, Jungle Fever lust and “white women let me be a man” kind of thing going on.

This changes my perception, ’cause here we got a black guy who was being a DeceptiCon (on the down low) with a pretty blonde white woman for 8 years!!! This is the kind of thing that gets shrugged at if the woman is black. Does anyone really think the media would even be talking to a black ex-girlfriend about Jason Collins? Color me skeptical.

I noticed the media wasn’t sure how to handle Ms Moos: Was she a victim or will she play the sympathetic understanding woman? This involved competing angles: the 7 feet tall big black “gay” man vs a pretty blond ex-fiancee. I’d say Jason Collins got the slight edge. He won the homecoming queen crown of this event.

Shock and Oh Hell Naw

And what a gut punch that confession must have been for Ms Moos, which happened well before the media got full wind of it.

She wasted 8 years!!!! on a man who she now has to “replay those scripts in her head.” Those scripts where she thought he was a wonderful guy, because he NEVER cheated on her with those awful, skanky FEMALE basketball groupies. What a great and faithful guy she must have thought of her big black man. Now, she’s gotta be wondering about all those times he was out “balling” with his male friends. ‘Cause he spent so much time with his buddies, she never gave it a second thought.

I hope she’s gone through her battery of tests, being with a DeceptiCon can be deadly to a woman’s health.

Lessons for the Day

Doesn’t matter how much money he has, that pay day may never arrive.

If he’s hanging with his buddies too much, that niggling suspicious might be an accurate gut check.

A year, maybe even less, is really all you need to decide whether he’s marrying you or not. Anything longer and you are wasting your own time.

Shows that being in an IR doesn’t mean he cannot be a DeceptiCon. He might even feel more secure with his subterfuge.

And there is nothing HEROIC or COURAGEOUS about a man using a woman in such a cruel way to further his own means and ends. A man of any age can waste time, but a woman, unfortunately, cannot. Her time is of essence. It is her life and to use someone for that long a time shows a callousness that borders on being a sociopath.

So, it’s interesting to see that some black males, even when they get a hold of white women, are still a hot dysfunctional dishonest mess. He will be bringing all his baggage with him, that which he has always claimed belonged to black women.

How exhausting some of these men are.

And Congratulations to Mr Jason Collins!

You enjoy having sex with men. So do I. Welcome to the club. ūüėÄ

 

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Black Women: When All Else Fails In Heterosexual Relationships, Become A

Did I get your attention?

I’m warning those of you who are very tender and sensitive to be aware that the next few paragraphs will be no-holds barred, non-politically correct, coming from my perspective and experiences (off-line). So, this isn’t something I gleaned from reading anyone’s comments, blogs, Facebook profiles, or having a third eye and happen to be talking about anyone’s intimate life or relationships from the psychic front.

In other words, don’t take what I say personally – if it happens to sound like you – well, that’s a weird coincidence, but I’m not going to apologize for you taking offense. And I’ll remind people who love to be offended for the sake of being offended: gnash your teeth, but keep it moving if you don’t like what I write, or run off on your little hooves to set up your own blog.

I’ve noticed that the words homosexual and lesbian tends to set off the easily offended brigades. Like just the mere mention of these words are breaking some kind of human rights accord. Being pro-homosexual or pro-lesbian doesn’t make anyone more moral, more just, or saintly than anyone else. I understand that they are the latest victim cause c√©l√®bre. I’ve rarely written about the topic, not out of intimidation, but because I had nothing to say about it.

Okay, so, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…. Let’s begin.

Yay. They Are Here to Stay. So?

I think ever since the AIDS epidemic, homosexuals have jumped into the mainstream media and they haven’t gone away since. The topic is ever more present today, since the Supreme Court will make some kind of ruling where they are likely to turn 5000 plus years of normalcy on its head, redefine marriage, because everybody needs special entitlements, otherwise life isn’t fair, and declare it some kind of ultra awesome Civil Rights / Human Rights win. That, of course, will yield yet another round of endless bizarre social battles for those suffering from ennui, in their eternal drive to fight endlessly about nothing.

Because a culture that has all that it needs, is bound to chase after all its wanton, selfish, hedonistic short-term needs to the detriment of everything else.

So, let’s say that it does happen, eventually this, or a future, Supreme Court discovers invisible text in the US Constitution allowing them to redefine marriage. Well, they’ve made up stuff before. They are supreme at pulling illogical decisions out of their asses. This will mean a government body has ruled that they are the sole authority, above nature, society, morality, religion, science and common sense as to what constitutes a natural family structure. At that point, I’d recommend the government get out of the marriage and family structure redefining business altogether.

Anything Goes: Then It Is All Gone

‘Cause isn’t the eventual goal to allow ANY two consenting adults to get hitched – bar none? They are “in love” after all. This whole thing is about hurt feelings: mean people not letting homosexuals and lesbians redefine the natural and normal family structure. In instituting the redefinition of marriage, they get to benefit from legally binding contracts in one fell swoop, reap all those sweeeeet, sweeeet government entitlements and somehow magically change the fact it is a sexual minority and not the norm.

Then you must ask yourself, why not other alternative relationships be allowed to marry too? Why not two non-procreative siblings? Why even draw the line at two people? I await the first fillings from a bi-sexual woman suing to marry a man and a woman, because she loves them both equally. And what right does the government have to limit her love to one person?

See where this goes?

What’s so interesting about the whole thing is that the same people who demanded that the government stay out of their bedrooms, uteruses, rectums and other bodily orifices are inviting the feds back in to redefine, regulate, register and recognize the whole kit and kaboodle.

Wonders never cease.

The Heterosexual Tribe: It’s Not Going Anywhere Either. See How This Game Works?

I am deliberately using the words norm, normal and natural. Being heterosexual is the norm. It is what most people are, despite what the mainstream media wants you to believe. That’s just the way things are. All of us who were conceived naturally wouldn’t be here if your father wasn’t interested in your mother and vice verse. If people want to believe 25%-45% of the population has sex, or really really wants to have sex, with the same gender – more power to them. The way it gets promoted, I wouldn’t be surprised when the day comes that the mainstream media reports this in their latest poll: like it’s a goal that young people need to strive towards.

Now, I’m not for demonizing anyone’s inherent sex drives. That’s the way people are. I do, however, find myself annoyed with the 24/7 endless promotion of it. There are a lot of shows where if there is a whiff of preachy, “They are so awesome, don’t we all wish we were them?” When that happens, I’m out. I’m gone. There are shows that have ’em and treat ’em like it’s no big deal. I can watch that.

When I feel like I’m getting a religious indoctrination message from the 24/7 alternative lifestyle crowd, I’m not coming back to the program. But it has gotten so bad I wish there was a TV code just like there is with violence.

Yeah, I went there, because sometimes I have my fill of sexual content on TV too.

Crotch Watching Amigas

During my early years when I was a frequent passenger on public transit, me and my girlfriends would take a keen interest in guessing male organ size based on the bulges presented before us.

Nothing makes a trip so fascinating as to wonder: is it a sock or is he really that big?

The Wishful Thinkers Club

Growing up, I didn’t know EXACTLY what a lesbian or homosexual was. I never had much exposure to the term or what it entailed.

My guess is that in this day and age, 4 year olds get to hear about it day and day out before they even learn to read. This probably explains why only 20% of high school graduates are functionally literate. Progress.

I didn’t receive full disclosure about this stuff, until I attended college and was exposed to what I’d now call the “black lesbian recruitment drive”.

And you go, Say what?

I was mostly oblivious to what was going on, but what I didn’t know was that the school was well-known (among the very street wise, which I was not) for having a large body of homosexuals and lesbians.

I had other issues with the school – it being overpriced was one of them, it was in a really bad location, the fake snobs (from the hood and suburbs) were annoying, but if I had a choice to attend the school again, I would never darken any of their doorways. I didn’t feel it was worth the price tag or hassle.

So, what was the recruitment drive like?

You’re hanging out with your girls, and one of them cannot keep her hands to herself. You gently remove the hands, and you think nothing of it.

You’re talking about guys, and one of them constantly and coyly talks about that there’s something about her that doesn’t work with her male dates. You shrug, figuring she hasn’t met Mr. Right or maybe school and work interferes with the relationships.

You‚Äôre looking for school clubs to join. Boldly, she says, “Hey, maybe you want to try that one.” She’s pointing at the, “Gladly having Lettuce Tomato and Bacon” table.

I figure she’s joking, “Naw, I don’t have anything in common with them.”

And she says, “Try it. You might like it.” I’m confused at this point, “Try what? I don’t see the point. It’s not my thing.” She drops it.

Eventually, you drift apart as friends, because not only are you too busy to hang out anymore, she’s joined the “Arts Club” where she claims, “I’m meeting a lot of people like myself.” I say, “That’s great. It suits you, because you’re really friendly and outgoing, right?” She looks at me real hard and says dryly, “Yeah, something like that.”

My Last Bit of Conjecture

Over the years, I’ve a met a few more black women like my college friend. There is a difference between those who obviously know what they are, and I find them refreshing because they leave me alone, and those who spend all their time playing stupid “wishful thinking games”. Maybe they are unable to be honest with themselves. I was once introduced to someone, because since I was too “picky”, that must mean I had to be into women.

I’m still slow when I meet black women who like to hint, hint, hint as to what they are. Frankly, I’m not thinking about it. It’s not what concerns me. If you’re interested in other women, that’s okay. But don’t play that game with me, that if I’m not telling you my personal business or intimate relationships that makes me a recruitment target.

I’ve heard my share of nonsense from black women who rationalize what makes one a lesbian, and if you look at this list, that’d be all of us.
– if she’s an ambitious hard-working career woman.
– if she wears her hair natural.
– if she’s overweight.
– if she doesn’t go to the job telling everybody about her personal intimate business.
– if she’s only into black guys, if that doesn’t work out OTHER black women are an option. Hey, maybe she just needs to be introduced to another chick like herself.
– if she has a high IQ (I kid you not).
– if she tries it she might like it, and so on.

And in situations where I meet someone from the “wishful thinking club”, coming at me with the above checklist, then I am the one who’s offended. ‘Cause I look at it this way, if I was one, I wouldn’t hide it. So, they in essence, are pretending that I’m hiding in some closet with them.

The gist I’ve gotten over the years – and this is from other black women – since I am a black woman who knows her own mind, somehow I must be able, ready and willing to move onto black women if it doesn’t work out with black men.

It nevers occurs to these people, that if a woman likes MEN, she’s gonna take them in all colors, not switch genders just to keep it within the same RACE.

I am a member of the heterosexual tribe. Always have been, always will be.

~~~

Last stop

And if anyone is going to post a comment, please stay on topic. Anything off-topic might be removed.

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What Kind of Black Woman Are You?

I thoroughly enjoyed the following comment by Stacey, so I decided to make it a post.

By the way, the post title is a general question, not aimed specifically at Stacey.

The following continues the discussion originating in the Black Actress Review: Just Wright РBig Boned Gurl Gets Good Guy Balla post.

Stacey says:

Ok, I must respectfully disagree with all the pro-Morgan comments here. Just came across this forum and had to respond, seeing as how Just Wright is one of my favorite movies of all time. Morgan was a gold-digger all the through. I just don’t see why she should be praised. I have¬†no respect for women like that. LESLIE is the one who deserves a standing ovation. She worked very hard to achieve her goals–even bought her own house (on her OWN) Leslie had a heart-of-gold. She cared about all the people around her. She didn’t have any ulterior motives. Leslie was genuine,¬†REAL. And that’s why I rooted for her from beginning to end.

I can relate so much more to Leslie than Morgan. Because I don’t feel that I need to bat my eyelashes and manipulate a man to get ahead. Just like Leslie, I want to be able to pay my own way.

I LOVE the way the movie ended. Scott finally opened his yes and realized that Leslie’s “The One”. And I love that Leslie didn’t have to change who she was. I love that she was still wearing her favorite Nets jersey at the end. She didn’t have to convert to some shallow glamour-girl to get¬†her dream-guy. Leslie was fine just the way she was–there was no need for her to change. One of my fav moments of the movie: Scott gazing at Leslie when they were both sitting at the piano(he so wanted to kiss her)…and she was in her robe, without an ounce of make-up on—LOVE it!

And I gotta admit that I actually gained some respect for Morgan in the end(she realized that Scott was in love with Leslie and told him where to find her) Morgan could’ve schemed and plotted (although, it wouldn’t have done any good because Scott was already on his way to find Leslie–he¬†even told Morgan, “I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna work)

Leslie was beautiful on the inside AND the outside. She didn’t care about Scott’s fame and fortune. She was up at 3 in the morn, giving him a pep-talk because she truly cared. The movie ended just as it should have: two people coming together for the right reason–because they truly love and respect each other, because they’re meant to be together. From their very first scene, it was obvious to me that Scott & Leslie belong together. They just fit together so¬†perfectly. And this movie remains one of my all-time fav
rom-coms. KUDOS to Queen Latifah & Common!

 

flowers_can

GoldenAh:

Hello, Stacey. I liked your¬†comment. You’ve given me so much to work with, but I’ll only bite a few portions.

I see what you mean, but this was about a movie that took what was unrealistic and made it into an interesting fairy tale. We were discussing how reality would have played out, and in each and every case Morgan would be the winner.

Morgan is Old School

I really believe black women hear such ridiculous,¬†hypocritical, contradictory nonsense from black males they¬†aren’t sure what they want to be.

Morgan is not a gold digger. There’s no reason to resent, dislike or be angry with her. She’s a realist. Her behavior¬†was very feminine, self-assured, flirty, alluring and mysterious. She¬†knew how to make (and keep) a man interested. That’s very¬†normal and healthy. It is not manipulating a man!!! It is¬†just a subtle way of saying, “Hey, I like you, you can chase¬†me if you want.”

She was what most women were at one time – looking for a¬†husband with the financial means to support his family. I¬†know that’s changed in these times. Frankly, I look at her¬†as being old fashioned. She was doing something that worked¬†in an era where people understood social cues and signals.

Today, everybody seems rather lost about how to behave, even¬†in showing basic manners. We’re lucky if we find a guy who doesn’t insist we pay for the meal, and simply wants to go Dutch. The meal tastes better if from jump he wants to pay and leaves a decent tip for the server. He looks like a good guy if he wants to take care of you. That’s a winner. That’s the best feeling in the world.

Leslie is What’s Up Now With Black Women

As for the “hardworking modern woman” character, Leslie is¬†doing what she has to do. Like most of us, paying our own way is the default mode of life regardless. And that’s fine. We live in an age¬†where it does make sense to have your stuff. I wouldn’t deny¬†that.

However, even if you combined Morgan and Leslie into one¬†woman, I would prefer that Scott dealt with Morgan’s¬†personality and looks, while Leslie’s characteristics stayed¬†(mostly) hidden.

brokenheart

The Ethical Flaw and Self-Harm

The problem with Leslie is that she was an employee whose¬†job it was to look after Scott. I know if he was a white /¬†Asian / Latino guy, you’d probably see immediately the problem with¬†her cooking, cleaning and sexing him while he’s¬†emotionally¬†unavailable, on the rebound (still in love with¬†Morgan), and working hard to do her job in making him¬†physically / mentally fit to return to work. She may have fallen in¬†love with Scott, but she endangered herself professionally¬†and emotionally. She had a serious lapse of ethics and¬†muddled her own waters while on the job.

Plus, Scott’s relationship with Morgan hadn’t achieved a¬†clean break. They were still at an impasse. Breaking up and constantly making up is normal.¬†There are plenty of couples who even after they divorce¬†still find themselves having sex, cohabiting and doing other¬†things because they haven’t really untied all the strings.

Leslie was setting herself up for some serious hurt while allowing herself to be the in between chick. She was the third wheel. She was the one who made herself available during a time she should have kept some distance from Scott.

In reality, she could be viewed as the man-stealing backstabber.

What If The Situation Was Reversed?

Just Wright ¬†is clever in making Leslie the underdog, and she¬†fits the type of woman who’s relaxed in her own skin. That’s¬†cool.

But let’s switch it up. Imagine her as a guy who makes no¬†effort to bathe, brush his hair / teeth, or groom himself¬†even in your presence when he’s “relaxed”. Would you really¬†find him attractive?

If he was fat, out-of-shape, a bit¬†abrasive, has limited resources, and you were missing your¬†ex-boo who’s smoking hot, though annoying, would you really find him¬†attractive? Would you really consider him for a minute?

If you hired a guy to take care of your household chores, cook, clean or do something necessary and crucial for you, would you consider sleeping with him even though you were still thinking of your smoking hot ex?

We certainly love our double-standards. He should be tall,¬†handsome, fit, rich and a balla. While he should be happy¬†with our hefty, gaudy, rough, unfeminine appearance, because¬†we’re keeping it real, and he’ll love us since we are the¬†biggest fan of his sport. Considering that if he’s a baller,¬†everybody would be a fan. He’d be swollen headed and expect¬†the adoration.

In a sense, that entire angle is a wash.

What Kind of Black Woman?

You know why Morgan is very feminine? Obviously, she’s not working.¬†And whether her character is likable or not, her decision to¬†find a husband is supported by her family. She has time to¬†devote to her looks. She’s making it clear to the men she’s¬†attracting that her looks are a symbol of self-love. She¬†also wants the man to admire the effort she makes in looking good, not just for herself, but for him.

Trying to look attractive for a man is not a crying shame. It is not bad. It is part of the mating dance. I believe a woman can be sexy in a hoody, but it depends on how she wants to wear it. But she has to be comfortable in her own skin.

Leslie is to be applauded for being a “worker”, but that¬†doesn’t entitle her to a wealthy, handsome, tall man as a¬†reward for “good behavior.” It doesn’t work in real life¬†either.

What Men Are Really Like

Most normal, well functioning guys aren’t going to be dating your wallet,¬†house, car, degrees or status. A good number will resent¬†hearing anything about your “stuff” even if he has more than¬†what you have.

For all we know, Morgan has stuff, but she has the good sense to let herself be the prize Scott has to attain.

And that’s the one thing this movie doesn’t really inform us of.¬†Men are predatory animals, and in this story for the¬†romantic angle, a good thing, of course. When Scott, as the¬†wealthy balla, decides to¬†pursue¬†Morgan, he’s not going for¬†her monetary assets or status – he sees someone who¬†interests him, raises his curiosity, likely sexually arouses him¬†and makes him want to¬†PURSUE¬†her.

That’s why we admired¬†Morgan, she understood the game and played it well. Unfortunately, the movie leaves out that entire courtship, which is a shame.

Reality Checks

We understand that Leslie was the movie’s Cinderella, but as¬†stated before, she did it at the wrong time and wrong place,¬†which was not realistic at all.

While it was a fun movie, I was uncomfortable with what it was teaching black women. We have enough stories (from real life)  where the women do it all for the men and end up heart and wallet broken, because they continue to see Morgan as a negative and Leslie as a positive.

That perspective is¬†too skewed and needs to be balanced.¬†It’s okay to be Morgan on the outside and Leslie on the¬†inside, but not to give it all up and away like it’s¬†nothing. That’s been done too many times before.

It’s one thing to be ready to love a man, but a woman has to have him earn it, otherwise he wont think much of it and treat it as such. And don’t we see to much of that already?

And Leslie can shower Scott with all the cooking, sexing, love and affection after he puts a ring on it. ūüėÄ

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Black Women: We all cannot be instant best friends

In my opinion, friendships grow in the same manner as other relationships. There is a courtship or getting to know you phase. There is the gradual “tell me more about yourself” or “I’m telling you more about myself” phases.

  • You share ideas.
  • You share mildly humorous short stories.
  • You share your food.
  • You share your time. You share your ambitions. And so on….

Overall, in whatever manner it occurs, trust must be earned. Respect must be earned.

For each and every person who decide to be friends, it takes time. One of the things I’ve noticed among SOME black women is that there is no in-between phase. In an environment such as school or work, from day one, I’ll be subjected to the most intimate – things that I really don’t care to know about – verbal dump.

The BFF Hotline

I’m thinking of starting a 900 number phone line so these chatterboxes can spend the $3-$5 per minute babbling on about their inconsequential lives.

Yes, I say inconsequential, because I don’t know them enough to care or consider whether their issues are worth being concerned about. So, they shouldn’t be offended when after backing up their verbal garbage truck and dumping on me, which I only allow after a couple of times, I get up and walk away to avoid their presence. Even if they follow me, I run away saying, “I’ve gotta do something right now, don’t have time.”

I really do have better things to do. In these environments, my time is money. I’m not one to provide a sympathetic ear until I know you. A¬†relationship¬†doesn’t begin unless you invite me to lunch and we use some of the off-time to talk. It doesn’t begin unless we share some hobbies and want to hang out somewhere at some time. But it doesn’t come with interrupting me at the job as often as a chatty pest may see fit. It doesn’t begin until these women show some consideration, a reasonable attitude, and address me in a proper manner.

Misdirection and Disaffection

I’m very polite, but some folks want to assume I’m a doormat. You know, everybody loves to bait a black woman to see her turn into a “She Hulk.” Not gonna happen with me.

And, I’m puzzled by the strange attitude I get from some black women.

They speak in such a odd way towards me. See,¬†I’m not okay with that common tone of anger. I feel that if you have an issue with someone else, take it up with them.

A real friendship doesn’t begin with another woman doing all the talking, having a one-way “dialogue”.

Real conversations are about give and take. Some black women are too old to be told what’s common sense. If someone has a problem – yes, one can talk about it, but one has to listen to the other party speak too. It is give and take. Not take, take and take some more.

An Acquaintance Is The Door Leading to a Real Friendship, or Not

If a woman’s overall conduct isn’t ladylike, discrete or show some¬†semblance¬†of modesty, she shouldn’t be surprised when people refuse to listen to her. Dodge her company, or ignore her entirely….

When a black woman approaches another, assumptions should not be made.

  • All of our experiences are not the same.
  • All of our backgrounds are not the same.
  • Our culture isn’t just one. ¬†There are multitudes of black culture.
  • All of us do not view political, religious and social issues about BLACK, WHITE or OTHER PEOPLE in the same way.
  • Not everybody is a hugging, kissing, and touchy-feeling kind of person.
  • Not everybody wants to hear the details of your intimate life. Ask if they want to hear it first.
  • Not everybody speaks in the loudest voice they have when speaking to other black women. And that belligerence, that “chip on the shoulder” is noticeable to everybody. That’s why you are having conflicts with people.
  • Not everybody wants to hear you complain about every other woman on the job. This isn’t junior high where you need to have “backup” in your “beef” with what’s-her-face.
  • Stop assuming. Ask first.¬†Don’t assume that everybody “knows that.”
  • And don’t be friendly, only whenever you want something. People aren’t as stupid as you think.

If you cannot treat others with respect, don’t be surprised when that disrespect is returned in kind.

Life will go a lot smoother when you let go of the anger at other black women first. So, look in the mirror, smile at that black woman. Forgive her. Learn to like, love and respect that person in the mirror.

And that disposition towards other black women will change as well….

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For Black Women: Don’t Ever Ask For Permission To Live

Spring is coming. Well, up here in the Northeast it’s coming. I’m sure for those of you around the country (or world) the weather is different. Could be blazing hot right now, eh?

I haven’t been pro-active enough lately, or the last couple of months. I think I’ve spent more of it catching up, because I’ve let so many personal things go by the wayside. I’m a procrastinator. It’s true. ūüôā

I want to encourage those of you who are feeling a bit blue to look forward to the next few months, or years, of your life. I think the last two or three years have been a wake up call. We’re seeing relatively “young” celebrities, rich folk, public intellectuals and entertainers die way way way before their time. And here we are simple, regular folk, slogging through each day wondering how people with “everything” could pass so easily.

There you have it: even the wealthy, famous and “perfect” can suddenly die.

Oh, I meant to cheer you up. Sorry. ūüôā

I want to encourage you. Push you. Gently. To refocus.

Think about what you want. What you want! What you NEED. What you DESIRE. What you feel you DESERVE.

You ain’t here to please nobody. So don’t let any naysayers, toxic people, or the crabs in your life know about your wishes. Only share it with those who really do love you.

And that’s another thing. Please run away, right now, from anybody who makes you feel less than. Who leaves a bad taste in your mouth after every discussion. A “frank” conversation shouldn’t leave you feeling sad, sorrowful, down-in-the-dumps or DISCOURAGED!

I meant this to be short, but I’m asking all of you to think of yourselves. Treat yourself better. Love yourself. Find people who adore you to surround you. And tell the vampires in your life to hit the road. There are people out there who are NOT entitled to invade your personal space or life.

Okay?

Make that list. Follow through. Do what pleases you. Do the impossible. And remember: Don’t ever ask for permission to live.

Take good care of yourself.

Cheers. ūüėÄ

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The Jeremy Lin Show

NBA: Same Ol’ Same Ol’

It has been years since I’ve followed sports, basketball in particular. I watched the Knicks when Ewing played for them, that’s how long ago it’s been. And if you want to know how out of it I was, I’ve never watched Michael Jordan play. I’ve never tuned into his games. Yup, I was numero uno of the non-fan didn’t-give-a-rip coalition. Not a hater. Just distinterested. I just thought that Dr Jay never got his props as the better player, but he pre-dated Nike ads, so that’s how it goes.

I was into college basketball, the game was short, quick and the players were hungry. Something about the pros left me bored. I got the feeling that once they signed the multimillion dollar contracts, the hunger left them. They played soft. They played like satiated lions. Lazy and sleepy. Who wants to watch that?

Along with the stories of baby mamas, wife beatings, shoving a wife out the front door naked, sleeping with ugly white female reporters, gambling, bad attitudes, throwing people through plate glass windows, etc., etc. – I decided I wasn’t supporting those dysfunctional messes. Basketball and football held little appeal to me, especially with the recent spate of shoot-outs, fan beatings and gang symbols being displayed. Plus, I’m grossed out by all those ugly thugs covered head to toe in prison-style tattoos. I wasn’t interested in watching any major league basketball or football. Or any sport for that matter. Don’t get me started on those nasty spitting baseball players!

Change Comes LIN

So, here comes this young man who’s a bit different from the usual cynics in the basketball league. I’ve watched the YouTube clips of him playing. I understand why he suddenly has so many fans: he looks like he’s having fun. He plays with a passion for the game. It’s apparent that he loves to play basketball. He has no tattoos. I’m sure he’s not a saint, but I’m certain that people are tired of the bad boy, bad ass, tattooed big dummies. They are everywhere, in every entertainment field. And not only are they phony and talentless – they’re annoying. There’s nothing interesting in a rich angry irrational manchild.¬† You wish they would take up the offer from an older man to teach them a lesson in a wrestling ring. Oh, what a great treat that would be.

Making People Go LINsane

Now, I understand that the media overreaction to Jeremy Lin, JLin, a.k.a. “Linsanity” was 3/4ths about his “race”. I’m still shaking my head at the things that have been said over the last three weeks, which already seems like an eternity.

There have a been dozens of puns that include “Lin” in the word: Air Lin, Linsanity, Super Lintendo… you get the picture. It was cute. A couple of folks at ESPN jumped the shark, thus losing a job or two.

Then came the jealous folks. Floyd Mayweather Jr was mad at the attention JLin was receiving. He said (paraphrasing) that black men do the same thing everyday in the league, but no one is paying attention. Well, the problem¬† with that statement is that – if you don’t look like the average player in the league – people will notice. Sort of like when a heavyset white woman from the UK sings like a black woman blues singer. People notice those sorts of things. Hype may follow.

Jason “Witless” Whitlock (who has spewed racist / misogynist material about Serena Williams) decided to tweet something foul about JLin. But why did he focus on the sexuality of the young man? Why would an out-of-shape obese black man who is a sportswriter, not even a ballplayer, worry about the sex life of a young Asian man? Was he worried that an Asian male was encroaching on black male territory? Athleticism, masculinity, and sexual supremacy do go hand in hand. Did he picture a future where Asian men would be viewed as super-studs instead of black males?? Uh-oh.

Plus, “Witless” was so used to writing vulgar insults about black women, he didn’t realize other groups wouldn’t stand for the same behavior. He quickly apologized.

KilLINg Conventional Wisdom and Stereotypes

However, JLin did break all kinds of records with his initial “starter” games. He has played in the D Leagues, or maybe a few minutes in the NBA, but not as a starter. Once he was allowed, by the Knicks, to play point guard, he started knocking down some walls.

I’m surprised by the following, because I didn’t realize there were so many things achieved by Jeremy Lin. I always assumed they had already happened.

1) Harvard has sent very few (maybe a handful or half-dozen) players to the NBA. We’ve had more Presidents who went to Harvard.

2) He’s the first and only (so far) American, of Chinese / Taiwanese descent, to play in the NBA. Not the first Asian American, but the others were half-black or half-white, and the first was of Japanese descent before the various (American Basketball and National Basketball) leagues merged in 1976. He played for the Knicks too.

3) He was never drafted a.k.a. undrafted. No one held a lottery to pick him up in the league. He came in through the backdoor basically.

4) He’s managed to score 229 points in his first 7 starter games. Even for his first 4 at 109 points he’s exceeded everyone else since 1976.

Always Be Ready for Prime Time

Will he stay a superstar? Perhaps. I don’t have a magic 8 ball. And considering the short attention span of the public, who knows who they’ll love / hate in the next few weeks?

I do have some takeaways from the media-storm surrounding this young man:

  • He’s proven that good luck really is 90% preparation and fortuitous timing.
  • He worked on his weaknesses during the NBA lockout, doing everything he could to get into superb physical condition (6’3″ and 200lbs).
  • He’s played against the number one draft and showed he could excel.
  • When his chance finally arrived – he literally came off the bench as the last guy picked – he played his heart out to win.

He is responsible for helping the Knicks become a better team over the last 11 games. He helped them win 9 of them. Not bad for a rookie. Not bad for a guy who has faith in God, but also understood he had to do the work to get where he wanted. Just laying around and praying wasn’t going to cut it, he had to move, get it done and show with all his heart what he wanted.

He admits that the media attention is draining. Blake Griffin (big red slam dunk king and 6’9″ – dang) told him he has to learn to say, “No.”

Asian Persuasion

I’ve been reading the Asian (blog / twitter) reaction to JLin. I’m (again) surprised at the angst revealed by the men.¬† All I can say is, “Wow,” I had no idea. I’m not a guy, so my interpretation may be off, but I get the sense that JLin helps them achieve a sort of American masculine sexual ideal that’s been missing in the media or the general culture. They see white, black and Latinos in the superstar sexy beasts stratosphere, but they’ve never felt a part of that club. Interesting.

American culture is so anti-intellectual and dedicated to dysfunctional drugged up dumb-ass losers, that the highest income, best in academic achievement and most entrepreneurial men in this country feel emasculated and less than for being studious, responsible, dependable and stable. That’s the world we live in folks. Where up is down, right is wrong and the insane run the asylum.

I would hope that the lesson the other men (black, white and Latino) can learn from Jeremy Lin is to play earnestly, humbly, and make the game fun again. I’m sure most of them do, but it’d be nice if they were the norm again, and not considered the exception(s). The degenerates receive too much attention for their bad behavior and appear to be financially, socially and emotionally rewarded for it.

Last Lesson: Play The Game

As for the lament of the Asian American male, I’d say the reason why they are invisible is because, this may not sound nice, but it’s my perception: you gotta be in the game to win it. No one notices Asian men, because they behave in a leave-me-alone, don’t-notice-me, and I’m-not-gonna-make-eye-contact fashion. Black, white and Latino men are assertive. They will look people in the eye and say something. They will do their Alpha male thing.

So, if the Asian men want to be like the other guys in this society, they’re gonna have to take note of something else about JLin. He plays fearlessly. He may have learned at an early age not to isolate himself by just hanging out with his Asian buddies. When he speaks, he sounds like any other guy in the league (black, white or whatever).

I wish him well, and hope he continues to excel at playing the game.

Hey, you know, I’d say the Jeremy Lin Show has a lot of things we can all learn from. ūüôā

** Update **

Oh, and watch him get down and boogie. JLin can dance.

** Update Update **

I’m obsessed!! They should call him Maestro instead! Steals the ball and tosses to Shumpert. Beautiful. ūüôā

Isn’t he cute? Love those eyes, cheekbones and mouth. ūüėÄ

 

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Announcement: swirlingandmarriage.com

Introducing a website dedicated to dating, relationship, and coaching services for black American women who want to date interracially or internationally. Swirling & Marriage is brought you to by a truly awesome member of the BWE community Lorraine Spencer.

In 2010 Lorraine helped highlight some sisters, which achieved international newspaper coverage. She also placed ads in international and military papers for additional exposure. If there are men from around around the world that you ladies want contact with, Lorraine is the one who can help you find them. Or at least point you in the right direction. There are no guarantees, but the more men you meet the better the odds.

Swirling & Marriage was formally re-launched around the first week of October. Profiles of the women will reach people all over the US, Scandinavia (along with some other European countries maybe even Russia), Australia and New Zealand.

Swirling & Marriage is a great site with lots of articles, profiles, links, tips and other resources.

The contact email address is: swirlingandmarriage@gmail.com.

It is on Facebook as well. Go on over and Like the page. Information about services and fees are in the Notes Section.

Swirling & Marriage‚ĄĘ | Personal Coaching for Black Women Who Desire Interracial/International Marriage…& the Men Who Love Them!

swirlingandmarriage.com

 


Ladies, I wish you much success and happiness in your endeavors. ūüôā

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Ladies, Is He Good Enough For You?

As we often see in the news, or experienced based on observation, plenty of men reach powerful positions, have a lot of responsibilities, and will be totally, absolutely morally deficient. They will be amoral, immoral, with a massive touch of egotism. Oh, they’re Alpha Males alright, better known as dogs, not wolves. Dogs are wonderful animals, but you know I mean the two legged kind. ūüôā

Ladies, don’t ever let anyone tell you that “everyone does it” or “all men are the same.” Have some standards. The media likes to plate up degeneracy like it’s the latest delicacy. All you’ll get is food poisoning down the road. Imagine the kind of society they are pushing us towards.

Has shame gone out of style? Do we really want to continue lowering the bar until adults have sexual relations with small children and call that progressiveness? Imagine a society where no one shows impulse control, like everybody driving through red lights, or drunk and high. Would you feel safe?

A society without moral codes and mutual trust yields chaos and bedlam. I’ve lived through two blackout with riots. I’m not exaggerating when I say those aren’t fun experiences. Imagine living with that all the time. And we know there are places around the world where this is the case.

I don’t know what it will take to stave off further decay in this society. We need a society full of strong families with honest people. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. But a world where people relish a world without any sort of decency ethos yields a declining standard of living for everyone. Without stability what we’ll get is … well, think of those Zombie Apocalypse books and movies having an element of truth to them.

We cannot predict the future. We cannot always assume what’s in the hearts of people. But you cannot have a decent life with someone who has no shame, feels no guilt, likes to tell a lot of little lies, stealing, bullying or cutting corners. He’s not worthy of you if he’s freely giving everyone around him the shaft. (Pun intended).

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