Coming Out of the Closet: I Lust After Asian Men

{{Glances furtively over shoulder. Proceeds to type slowly and cautiously.}}

I’ve been harboring a big secret, but this is only between you and me. Okay?

Jeremy Lin

With the trading of Jeremy Lin – to Houston! – I’ve finally snapped. I feel like I’ve been teased and played by the Knicks. They get you thinking, “Yeah, maybe he’ll stay around. He’s looking better than ever. Maybe something special will happen… It’s happened before.”

I feel like I was waiting for the call about a 2nd date that never came.

Jeremy Lin was the only reason I was interested in the Knicks again. The team was looking good. Like an old boyfriend that’s put on 20 lbs of muscle, making more money at a better job and rocking that supa-fly Clark Kent look.

Instead, he turns out to be same ol’ guy in a different suit with the same ol’ stinking attitude. Loser!

KDramas

So, I’ve said I watch Korean Dramas for the “quality” of the shows.

I lied.

I only watch if the guys are smoking hot, otherwise, “Meh”. And these shows almost always guarantee a half naked man (usually showering) the first couple of episodes. All nicely tanned, muscular and tall actors. I don’t know the height of the average Korean male, but some of the guys they use are rather big. (Any man over 6’0″ to me is big.)

Wish I could do the casting call for those programs. Hey, I’d be happy to hang around and teach the guys conversational English. 😉

I also like how the male actors don’t seem to go whole-hog the racial-mutilation-surgery route. They still look normal. Whereas a lot of the female actresses look downright scary, if not creepy from too much plastic surgery.

LifeStyle of the AfroAsiaphile

This is not a late development for me. I’ve been attracted to (and dated) Asian guys all of my life, and the attraction has been mutual. I’ve lived in neighborhoods and attended schools that had everybody. Now, I don’t make any specific distinctions between South Asians or those from the Far East. I don’t pretend to be a cultural curator where I know enough to be some kind of authority.

So, I’m someone who whenever I attend Asian culture events, I sit back, chill, and let ’em tell me what’s what.

The thing is – in a lot of places where black people are – they are there as well. I’ve met Asians who are from Jamaica, Trinidad, Panama, European countries, Canada (such a foreign place), and I suppose wherever else you can imagine. I’ve met my share of Asian / black offspring since I was child, usually the result of a black mother / Asian father. For me, blacks and Asians being together in community is no big deal. Never was.

Unique

So, what is it that I lust after find attractive about Asian men?

Well, first and foremost it’s their “Good Hair”, of course. Nothing beats running your hands through such thick, silky, curly or straight hair. Mmmm. Sooo erotic. Once I bury my hand in there, it’s not coming out!

Ever really looked at their eyes? Some Asian men have eyelashes to die for. Women are out there spending billions to get their eyelashes on point, while these guys seem unaware they have such a beautiful fringe. I think it’s a shame when they get that eyelid operation. Something that unique should be celebrated. It makes the men look sexy. Dare I say, exotic? And I don’t consider that a bad word.

Although Asian men come in variety of hues – I seriously dig the golden tan to dark brown shades. Delicious. Especially on a buff body. Hmmm. Even though blacks and Asians share similar complexions, it’s not exactly the same, a lot of us seem to have red undertones (which is just as lovely don’t get me wrong).

I love the vibrant colors and jewelry that South Asian women use for special events. Just awesome. I have a few items I’ve worn on occasion.

They love to party and dance as hard as we do. And arrive just as late.

Kindness

I have been warned by Asian women that the Good Guy behavior of Asian men is sometimes just for show. I believe it’s because men will unconsciously behave better with women that aren’t a part of their group. Girlfriends (of all races) have always been real with me about how their men treat them, so I’m not one to write with rose colored glasses on.

However, I am awed and sometimes surprised at the kindness of Asian men. In my eyes, they exhibit another form of male generosity and masculinity that I enjoy.

What do I mean? Behavior that exceeds general courtesy. They have and will, whether I ask them for something, or not, if they know me some, will go out of their way to get me that item(s), assist or do me a favor(s). It’s wonderful, because they do not have this attitude that you will or should owe them something. Even profuse thanks seem to make them uncomfortable. It’s so adorable.

And hot.

I’m writing this in order to leave a favorable impression of non-black men with regards to their behavior towards black women (in this case, myself). Since I’m usually not one to put up my personal life in detail. My goal is to show that there are men of other races who do LIKE us, will TREAT us well, and make GREAT friends and lovers.

I love the idea of an Asian husband. Always have. Of course, it has to be whether we get along. And I know family carries a ton of weight in these relationships, so I don’t tread lightly.

Like / Love Who You Want To

People love to cite stats to make us feel unattractive or unwanted, but they’re working too hard at it. Remember that we are outliers: a tiny group  – IR minded, adult, educated black women living in the West – within a racial minority, and those relationship stats will always reflect that. Don’t ever linger on them. They’re irrelevant.

So, I say all this to tell black women to look at all men, and ignore anyone who tries to make you feel less than.

Only the man that is interested in YOU can tell you why he’s attracted. No one else can.

… and some of the finest men I’ve ever laid eyes on and dated were Asian. 😀

{{Sighs with relief. Wanders off to watch latest KDrama.}}

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Media Watch: Korean Dramas – How the Media Creates or Changes Perceptions

Language Skills

I started watching these shows, since Hulu added this category. What’s interesting to me, is that I’m beginning to understand what the characters are saying in Korean. Words are floating around in my head, because they’re repeated so often. I can read a few words in some languages, but I’ve never picked up a language as fast as this one. I’ve always viewed myself as foreign language impaired. I’ve had Spanish in school. I’ve listened to Spanish for years, and I still cannot make heads or tails out of most of it.

In the Korean Dramas, the people speak slow enough that I can tie the English subtitles to the spoken words. The dialogue isn’t complex, very long or involved. On occasion, some characters that supposedly spent time in the US, or are Americans, make a determined effort speak to English. Although badly. Nearly everyone mumbles words they need to enunciate.

Media Image is Everything

Since watching these programs, I’ve come to realize that they aren’t made just for a Korean audience. They are created with an awareness that the rest of the world will be paying attention.

These shows have given me a different impression of Koreans, as opposed to the ones I’ve been acquainted with here in the USA. Do I see the portrayals as realistic? I don’t think that’s the point of the programs. Whatever images there have been of Korean men, have been modified, if not overhauled, by these shows.

According to a Washington Post article (from 2006), the success of the revamped or enhanced image of Korean men have done the following:

In recent years, the wild success of male celebrities from South Korea — sensitive men but totally ripped — has redefined what Asian women wantGone are the martial arts movie heroes and the stereotypical macho men of mainstream Asian television.

…Yoshimura signed up last year with Rakuen Korea, a Japanese-Korean matchmaking service, to find her own Korean bachelor. And she is hardly alone. More than 6,400 female clients have signed up with the company…

In part, the new allure of Korean men can be traced to a larger phenomenon known as the “Korean Wave”…

…the number of foreign tourists traveling to South Korea leapt from 2.8 million in 2003 to 3.7 million in 2004. The bulk of the growth, South Korean tourism officials say, stemmed from Korean Wave-loving Asian women. Partial statistics for 2005 indicate the feminine tide has not yet let up.

For the South Koreanswho have long suffered discrimination in Japan and who have hardly been known as sex symbolsit all comes as something of a shock.

Entertainment industry leaders in Seoul credit the phenomenon to good marketing coupled with an uncanny response throughout Asia to the expressive nature of the South Koreans — long dubbed the Italians of Asia. A hearty diet and two years of forced military duty, industry leaders and fans insist, have also made young South Korean men among the buffest in Asia. Most important, however, has been the South Korean entertainment industry’s perfection of the strong, silent type on screen — typically rich, kind men with coincidentally striking looks and a tendency to shower women with unconditional love….

Throughout Asia and other countries, women are watching TV shows and movies to such an extent that they have become enamored of the fictional representation of a specific group of men. So here we have proof that there is a direct connection between a positive image of a group and the corresponding response to it.

What Some of the Guys Look Like

I find some of the Korean male actors smoking hot, some cute and others moderately good looking. Although I find the “fashion” on the shows rather odd looking, but hey, I congratulate men who aren’t afraid of being edgy.

Cha Seung Won

Cha Seung Won: He's able to look so different each time.
Jung Gyu Woon: I have yet to see a show where he doesn't end up fighting.

 

Kim Sung Soo: Love those lips. Puts my dirty mind into overdrive.

 

Kang Ji Hwan
Kang Ji Hwan: I love his nose.

 

Positive propaganda: is enhancing imagery to increase the desirability of a group.

The entertainment industry, basically the media, alone is responsible for the complete overhaul of the image of Korean men, so much so it has made the men hot commodities for the women who travel the country looking for one as a husband. It’s overturned reality and made such an indelible impression on women just from watching Korean Dramas.

In case you ever wonder why black women have negative, degrading stereotypical images, always remember to thank Hollywood and our media. Think about it the next time you think it’s important to embrace the “othering” of black women with those “keeping it real” negative images.

If anyone really wants to improve the desirability, popularity and increase of desire for black women: the best looking have to be highlighted, the most sophisticated has to be highlighted and the most engaging, lively and lovely ones have to be embraced.

Otherwise, we’re just shooting ourselves in the foot.

So, think about who you are embracing if the only thing they highlight about black women is constantly negative or off-putting. Those people aren’t doing you any favors. They’re deliberately sabotaging you.

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Update: Korean Men Marriage Rates

I was asked to provide some data, so I dug up some stats. If they seem funky to anyone, please put up the correct numbers.

Throughout the world, more males than females are born. This imbalance is natural. However, in Asian countries it is exasperated by female reduction from sex selection in the womb (abortion), export adoption of girls, and other extreme methods. The result is a population of males outnumbering females. Based on the gender imbalance in Korea, social changes, population movement to urban areas, there are more men than women available and interested in marriage.

So, whom do Korean men marry? Funny enough, it turns out they marry all women. Although black women are a miniscule portion of the population in Korea, there are likely marriages between the two. With the USA having 1.3 plus million Koreans, it turns out that they are the East Asian men black women are most likely to marry. Certainly not in significant numbers overall, but it does happens.

And I’m just as surprised as y’all are by that information.

In 2005, 14% of all marriages in South Korea were marriages to foreigners (about 26,000 marriages); most were Korean men marrying other Asians. Government figures show the number of Koreans marrying foreign spouses increased from 4,710 in 1990 to 33,300 in 2009. And numbers are expected to continue rising. More than 100,000 women among South Korea’s 1.2-million foreign population are estimated to be foreign brides.

Bonus

YouTube link: the marriage between a Korean man and an African American woman. The wedding is awesome; sexy and sweet too.

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