BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


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Open Forum: Music, Getting Off the Planet, This Election and What’s Up?

Posted on | November 4, 2012 | 26 Comments

Top 40 Radio

There are three singers that I find hard to listen to: Taylor Swift (she whines, really cannot sing), Kelly Clarkson (she sings about the same thing over and over again – being unable to get along with any man) and Katy Perry (I wanna take a hammer to her – Madonna did the kinky schtick years ago –  it’s tired coming from this chick).

Outside of that, I like the station(s) I listen to.

I prefer music without singing mostly and a techno / pop / hip hop / rock / reggae beat. Something creative and fresh. Anybody ever heard of Gotango? or the Electric Samurai? I’m always listening to that kind of music.

Anyone with suggestions, please do tell. I feel music starved these days.

Gangnam Style

You’ve heard the song? You’ve seen the video? Of course you have. I cannot master the dance. Then again, I have two left feet.

The parodies kill me.

Thought of You, Oshun: Getting Off the Planet

Apparently, you and I are not alone in wishing for a voyage to another planet. Our very own, super awesome, black woman scientist, former NASA astronaut, Mae Jamison is in charge of finding a way of sending a probe to our nearest universe.

The following is from the NY Times (Oct 22, 2012):

The news last week that there is a planet circling Alpha Centauri B, only a little more than four light-years away … a triple-star system that is the Sun’s nearest known neighbor.

This year Mae Jamison, in conjunction with the nonprofit foundation Icarus Interstellar, won a $500,000 government grant to set up 100 Year Starship, an organization that is to come up with a business plan for interstellar travel.

Darpa, the government agency that helped invent the Internet and now wants to help invent interstellar travel, estimated that just planning for such a trip could take 100 years. Dr. Jemison, 56, hopes it can happen sooner.

I asked Dr. Jemison if she would go, knowing it was forever.

“Yeah”, she answered. “I would go.”

What could be cooler than that? Who says WE don’t like science!!!??!! Just don’t show me any Alien flicks, let me have a pick of a couple of men to bring along, and I’m all aboard.

The Undecided Voter

Believe it or not, I was undecided until the beginning of October. I voted via absentee ballot. NJ is very flexible in voting in this manner. You can have the ballot appear for every election, or only vote in the general.

Due to Hurricane Sandy, the big guy, our Governor Chris Christie says folks can vote via email and fax. That’s great. Why isn’t that a regular practice? I mean we do almost everything online in this state: I file and pay state and local taxes, car registration and other things that way too.

Who Do I Think Will Win The Presidential Election?

You all know I’m not about telling anyone who to vote for or what to think. You do what works for you. I love that all of us have many different perspectives on what we believe. I’m constantly impressed by the viewpoints, facts and information you ladies (and gentlemen) bring to this blog.

The following image is just speculation on my part. And I voted for the losing candidate once, back when I was a kid and doing it for the first time.

I’m totally guessing when it comes to Nevada (NV), Michigan (MI) and Minnesota (MN). Those are the only states I really don’t have any guesstimates as to how they will turn out.

As for the others? Who knows. {{Shrug}}

I wont be following the election tally on November 6th either. If I wanted to I’d probably get alerts to see how New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Florida voted. Those 3 states will tell you who is President for the next 4 years. Going to bed early anyway.

Facebook and the Online / Email Campaigners

I have a friend who’s suddenly sending me election propaganda. It feels like they’ve tapped into the Facebook madness. Look, I’ve been avoiding Facebook lately. It’s been too much. If you worship like your candidate. Good for you.

How about leaving the rest of us alone already?

And the world isn’t going to be any different on Wednesday, November 7th.

What’s Next?

The year is closing out soon. And I’m thinking, next year, 2013 has to be different. The problem with being a LEO is that we are rather FIXED people. We can do the whole 180 degree turnaround thing, but there’s always a core part of us that never changes.

So, it’s all about changing small habits that can make a big difference. I’ve got stuff in my closets I haven’t touched in years, and I must do something about it.  You can take that to be literal or rhetorical. In both cases, it would be true.

Hope everyone is feeling well. Doing well. Staying safe and healthy.

And if you have something to celebrate: don’t hesitate to come here and brag. I’ll be thrilled for you. :D

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Open Forum: What’s On Your Mind? My Experience With Hurricane Sandy

Posted on | October 31, 2012 | 5 Comments

Survived Hurricane Sandy

And all I have to show for it is this blog post – no T-shirt yet.

That was one nasty trick without the treat. I guess the treat is still being here to write about it.

Was I scared? No, actually. Besides the difference in how it sounded, like a train rolling very close by the house, I’ve experienced more intense thunderstorms. Lots of wind, I could hear stuff flying about, but thankfully it didn’t shake the house or rattle the windows. It went by and over the properties – not directly at it.

And blissfully, I fell asleep because that constant droning noise sorta knocks you out.

This Jersey Thing and the Howling Outside Your Door

Let me tell you a bit about middle and southern NJ. I am located a couple of miles from Trenton and Princeton, that’s the neck / bend of this kidney-shaped state. I am 45 plus minutes west of the NJ shore. However, regardless of all these miles away from the shore, practically this entire area of the state is ZERO feet above sea level. We are right at the level of where the ocean meets the land. There’s barely a decent rise. And the soil out here IS sand.

So picture this on a dark night: a lull in the wind, a spittle of rain and you start to believe that the media has over-hyped another storm. Listening to the radio, waiting for the storm, reading the endless stories about this stuff online, you start to think: what was the hysteria all about?

She’s Coming For You

Then, Hurricane Sandy arrives. On the night of a FULL MOON. The tide is already high. From what I heard, 2 ft above normal. She comes. Her voice rising. Throwing things around. She’s getting stronger and stronger. Howling in a pitch so high it strains your nerves. Tides are rising in some places as high as 15 feet.

You remember that you live at sea level. No big swells. No massive hills. No mountains to break that rising tide.

You realize that 90 plus mile winds are bringing everything with the ocean (boats, pieces of boardwalk, cars, and other debris) up into and ripping off part of your home, or perhaps dragging it off its foundation onto a highway nearby.

Thinking About the Katrina Aftermath

A few years ago, I went down south to visit a friend who showed me the area after Hurricane Katrina hit Alabama, Louisiana and other states. She showed me a beach front, which was clean as a whistle. I started swearing involuntarily, after she told me it used to have amusement parks, hotels, food stands and everything you’d expect at the beach.

It was gone. All gone. Like looking at virgin territory. Like no one had build anything there before.

Hindsight

In the past, I wanted a house at the shore. I loved the beaches, the boardwalks, and driving aimlessly down the entire stretch. I probably could have gotten a cute little bungalow or maybe a multi-story property to rent during the Spring and Summer.

But I looked at the flatness of the area. I thought of stories my Mom told about what it’s like when the tide comes in to flood a small country and doesn’t stop. I chickened out. So, I picked an area that is NOT a flood zone. That’s information you see might when you sign the albatross (mortgage) papers (I think it depends on the state).

It’s hard to resist living near the water. I feel drawn to it. The sweet smell and salty taste of the ocean air. The soothing sound of the tide. The endless view, staring out at the entire world, and if you look hard enough to see the curve of the horizon.

The Governor and Interstate Assistance

Tuesday night, I listened to the car radio, ’cause I had no power. I heard my governor, big Chris Christie, mention the work being done to get the power back on. Almost right afterwards, the lights came on. Talk about a delightful and nice coincidence! Relief filled me: I wouldn’t be freezing my butt off that night. Although I had candles, flashlights and extra blankets ready.

Driving around today, I saw many out of state utility power trucks. So, thank you to the people from out of state who came to NJ to help.

I’m also thankful for coming out unscathed from the storm.

And my prayers are for those who were not as fortunate.

What’s On Your Mind?

 ***

Daily Mail Coverage of Sandy – Long Article – 1

Daily Mail Coverage of Sandy – Long Article – 2

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Are Black Children Too Stupid To Learn?

Posted on | October 15, 2012 | 50 Comments

Florida School System Gives Up on Black Children

Are black children really that hard to educate? Or are people who are supposed to be professionals, you know – experts at teaching, declaring that there’s an actual limit to black intelligence?

Are black children really too stupid to learn?

A nephew of mine believed he wasn’t as bright as Asians, and he was only in 2nd grade at the time. Who’s at fault for demotivating him from learning? If all black children hear is how stupid they are – why would they feel inclined to pay attention in school?

My mother pulled my brother out of a school system that declared him not-too-bright. She recognized B.S. and sent him somewhere else.

In high school, I was questioned as to who was writing my essays. Meanwhile, I was writing essays for my brother while he attended college. And he was studying to complete a degree in Mechanical Engineering, which is almost entirely nothing but complex mathematics.

Here’s the article source link: Florida Passes Plan For Racially-Based Academic Goals

A few excerpts from the news article:

The Florida state Board of Education passed a controversial plan to set reading and math goals based upon race.

On Tuesday, the board passed a revised strategic plan that says that by 2018, it wants 90 percent of Asian students, 88 percent of white students, 81 percent of Hispanics and 74 percent of black students to be reading at or above grade level. For math, the goals are 92 percent of Asian kids to be proficient, whites at 86 percent, Hispanics at 80 percent and blacks at 74 percent. It also measures by other groupings, such as poverty and disabilities, reported the Palm Beach Post.

JFK Middle has a black student population of about 88 percent.

… Florida Department of Education said the goals recognize that not every group is starting from the same point and are meant to be ambitious but realistic.

Robinson called the state board’s actions essentially “proclaiming racism” and said she wants Palm Beach County to continue to educate every child with the same expectations, regardless of race.

We all – especially mothers and fathers – should have the right to any and all learning alternatives. And these children should not be hostages to any group. The only pertinent issue is that they get an education which allows them to be self-sufficient and productive citizens.

This reminds me of the voter registration issue, where we are singled out as the only people too stupid to follow directions.

Frustrating, to say the least.

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Update: NY Times Article – Florida Defends Learning Goals

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November 4, 2012

Update: NY Times Article - How Do You Raise a Prodigy?

Money quotes:

There is no federal mandate for gifted education. But if we recognize the importance of special programs for students whose atypical brains encode less-accepted differences, we should extrapolate to create programs for those whose atypical brains encode remarkable abilities.

Once again, it falls to parents to advocate for their children’s needs, often in the face of a hostile or indifferent educational system.

Leon Botstein, president of Bard College, himself a conductor and a former wunderkind, remarked dryly, “If Beethoven were sent to nursery school today, they would medicate him, and he would be a postal clerk.

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Comic Con: The Nerd Economy Thrives

Posted on | October 12, 2012 | 3 Comments

Went today. Never attended this particular one before. Although I’ve been to a few sci-fi or writer’s conventions. I thought Comic Con was only a west coast affair.

Rather nice and interesting event, I expected TV shows or something of that nature. But it was pure comics, video games, and the like.

I only regret not getting my hands on a T-shirt. It ended too soon, before I could see everything. And it was packed!

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Yay! A Rainbow After the Rain

Posted on | October 10, 2012 | No Comments

Open topic – if you like…

First time I snapped a half decent photo of one.

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Gotta find something to appreciate to relieve the stress.

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Black Women: We all cannot be instant best friends

Posted on | October 5, 2012 | 16 Comments

In my opinion, friendships grow in the same manner as other relationships. There is a courtship or getting to know you phase. There is the gradual “tell me more about yourself” or “I’m telling you more about myself” phases.

  • You share ideas.
  • You share mildly humorous short stories.
  • You share your food.
  • You share your time. You share your ambitions. And so on….

Overall, in whatever manner it occurs, trust must be earned. Respect must be earned.

For each and every person who decide to be friends, it takes time. One of the things I’ve noticed among SOME black women is that there is no in-between phase. In an environment such as school or work, from day one, I’ll be subjected to the most intimate – things that I really don’t care to know about – verbal dump.

The BFF Hotline

I’m thinking of starting a 900 number phone line so these chatterboxes can spend the $3-$5 per minute babbling on about their inconsequential lives.

Yes, I say inconsequential, because I don’t know them enough to care or consider whether their issues are worth being concerned about. So, they shouldn’t be offended when after backing up their verbal garbage truck and dumping on me, which I only allow after a couple of times, I get up and walk away to avoid their presence. Even if they follow me, I run away saying, “I’ve gotta do something right now, don’t have time.”

I really do have better things to do. In these environments, my time is money. I’m not one to provide a sympathetic ear until I know you. A relationship doesn’t begin unless you invite me to lunch and we use some of the off-time to talk. It doesn’t begin unless we share some hobbies and want to hang out somewhere at some time. But it doesn’t come with interrupting me at the job as often as a chatty pest may see fit. It doesn’t begin until these women show some consideration, a reasonable attitude, and address me in a proper manner.

Misdirection and Disaffection

I’m very polite, but some folks want to assume I’m a doormat. You know, everybody loves to bait a black woman to see her turn into a “She Hulk.” Not gonna happen with me.

And, I’m puzzled by the strange attitude I get from some black women.

They speak in such a odd way towards me. See, I’m not okay with that common tone of anger. I feel that if you have an issue with someone else, take it up with them.

A real friendship doesn’t begin with another woman doing all the talking, having a one-way “dialogue”.

Real conversations are about give and take. Some black women are too old to be told what’s common sense. If someone has a problem – yes, one can talk about it, but one has to listen to the other party speak too. It is give and take. Not take, take and take some more.

An Acquaintance Is The Door Leading to a Real Friendship, or Not

If a woman’s overall conduct isn’t ladylike, discrete or show some semblance of modesty, she shouldn’t be surprised when people refuse to listen to her. Dodge her company, or ignore her entirely….

When a black woman approaches another, assumptions should not be made.

  • All of our experiences are not the same.
  • All of our backgrounds are not the same.
  • Our culture isn’t just one.  There are multitudes of black culture.
  • All of us do not view political, religious and social issues about BLACK, WHITE or OTHER PEOPLE in the same way.
  • Not everybody is a hugging, kissing, and touchy-feeling kind of person.
  • Not everybody wants to hear the details of your intimate life. Ask if they want to hear it first.
  • Not everybody speaks in the loudest voice they have when speaking to other black women. And that belligerence, that “chip on the shoulder” is noticeable to everybody. That’s why you are having conflicts with people.
  • Not everybody wants to hear you complain about every other woman on the job. This isn’t junior high where you need to have “backup” in your “beef” with what’s-her-face.
  • Stop assuming. Ask first. Don’t assume that everybody “knows that.”
  • And don’t be friendly, only whenever you want something. People aren’t as stupid as you think.

If you cannot treat others with respect, don’t be surprised when that disrespect is returned in kind.

Life will go a lot smoother when you let go of the anger at other black women first. So, look in the mirror, smile at that black woman. Forgive her. Learn to like, love and respect that person in the mirror.

And that disposition towards other black women will change as well….

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T.G.I.F. and I don’t mean the restaurant!

Posted on | September 28, 2012 | 1 Comment

At long last I figured out some new technology. Probably old for everyone else, but I hate struggling through new things, but that’s the only way to learn.

And I know people who can’t stand new technology. I can’t say I blame them. But my philosophy is to keep playing with it until it breaks.

;)

So, if you see a short post. I am blogging from my tiny cellphone. My long silence was based in frustration: lots to say, never enough time.

Happy Friday.

Like my shoes? Ugly, but very comfy.

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Some Nights by Fun and Too Close by Alex Clare

Posted on | September 3, 2012 | 4 Comments

I’ve been hearing “Some Nights” on the radio, not knowing who made it. You know how DJs cannot be bothered to announce who created something. So, I thought it was a classic song by Ladysmith Black Mambazo  (a group from way back when).

Well, this video changed my perception of the song, because it initially made me think of the Lion King.

Beautifully done…

 

 

Too Close

Is it me, or does Alex Clare have an Adele vibe to his singing? She sits in a chair in one video too. I first heard this song for an online ad for Internet Explorer, but it was more of a techno remix version.

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Open Forum: The Floor is Yours – Olympics, National News, etc.

Posted on | August 5, 2012 | 94 Comments

I’ll come back later and write more…

I sense folks want to talk about many different subjects.

Links as usual are welcome.

Feel free.

Happy Sunday. :D

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Added: Thursday, August 9, 2012

Olympics

Apparently, U.S. gymnast McKayla Maroney didn’t win a gold medal. Hence the scowl. Check the tumblr site satirizing her. Wee bit funny.

So, who is Lolo Jones and what was the hype all about?

The media has 2 memes: their chosen “winners” – the Maria Sharapova types, and then there are others who have to prove themselves and win a la Gabby Douglas. One gets the money upfront for having a certain “look”, the other has to break world records to get some cheddar.

Douglas was part of a US Olympic squad that hadn’t won a gold since 1996. She won gold in the all-around, becoming the first gymnast in American history to win the gold medal in both the team and all-around.

She had to earn it first to get the fame and money, but you know how it is. It’s alright though.

She has the best attitude.

Grabbed this image from – blackyouthproject.com – hope they don’t mind.

… And is the Olympics over with yet? Seems endless at this point. Should be a couple of sports, not judged by people, but scored by time and points only. Would be over within 3 days or less.

Serena and Venus Williams Continue to Break Records

No surprise there. They play tennis so fierce, they make it look easy. Soon they’ll have enough medals, trophies and awards to fill a museum.

They have four gold medals each, more than any other tennis player in Olympic history. If they can come back and get more, no one else will ever touch their record(s).

You go girls.

Message For Black Girls and Women

Get out of Blackistan. You cannot succeed or achieve your dreams surrounded by toxic people. The only folks you need are familial or reliable Gladiators. Serena and Venus had a Gladiator in their dad. I hope the people around Gabby Douglas step up and fill in that role. Young black women need more protection from the vampires out there. She, and others like herself, still need more time to mature before they get exposed to the “real world.” She’s just a teen, not a young adult. There’s a time and place for the interviews, social media and  face-time with the blood and soul suckers.

To become successful, join the mainstream, and find a safe haven. That means integrating with the rest of society. Social, environment and emotional segregation is a dead-end.

Focus. Don’t let the haters distract you, or you wont be able to get the gold. In this case, literally. I think a number of US failed just because of the distractions. Part of the battle will always be mental.

Your mind must go there first, before your body follows.

Don’t be afraid to dream big. And don’t tell certain people your plans – unless you are looking to be talked out of it.

Sometimes it’s best to do your thing and not talk about it first (or at all). It’s like waiting for permission. You shouldn’t give that kind of control of your life to anyone. They don’t deserve it.

Spike the ball. It’s okay to gloat once you’ve done your thing. Bragging is the best revenge. Yes?

Humility has it’s time and place. Sometimes you need to rub it in people’s faces just how awesome you are.

 

Serena Celebrates – got this image from – ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com. Hope they don’t mind.

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Black Women and Asian Men: K-Pop Video with Jay Park Makes History

Posted on | July 29, 2012 | 30 Comments

Sorta continuing the BW / AM theme

The following link is an article from oneasianworld.com: Mauika Hicks makes K-Pop history by being the love interest and lead dancer for Jay Park (he’s American of Korean descent).

Some excerpts – the rest you’ll have to read at their site. It’s quite an informative interview.

Paulette: How does it feel to be the first African-American female lead dancer and love interest in a Kpop (Korean pop) music video (MV)?

Mauika Hicks: It’s such an honor and blessing. I’ve received so many positive messages from young African-American girls and people from all races telling me how much I have inspired them. To inspire people is all I could ever ask for. I feel so proud to be a part of history in a sense.

Paulette: When you got the part, were you aware that you broke the glass ceiling for a black woman to be in a Kpop MV?

MH: Not really. It came as quite a shock.

And this …

Paulette: Jay Park is a pretty big star. He was the lead singer in 2PM, opened for Ne-Yo, performed with MusiqSoulChild, just finished his first sold-out U.S. tour, appeared in a couple of films and the list goes on. Were you familiar with his work before being cast in the MV?

MH: I didn’t know Jay before the video. Once I booked the job, I did a little research online and realized just how big of a star he is!

Paulette: You and Jay have this amazing, off the chain chemistry in the MV. How was it working with Jay?

MH: Thank you! It was very easy working with Jay. He was very down to earth and hands-on in every aspect of the video. Sometimes it can be a challenge working with artists, but not with Jay. He was very professional and just amazing to work with!

Mauika Hicks appears at the 2:07 mark.

 

He’s Famous And Fearlessly Included a BW

You know how it goes in the US, when someone wants to eventually become famous – they put a couple of black faces in their videos or music. When that success has been achieved, we’re the first faces gone. Everything fades to white.

I wanted to highlight something about Jay Park: he’s already a big star. Yet, he didn’t shy away from bringing a BW into his music video – even in Korea (a country not known for embracing or being a multicultural society, obviously). He didn’t use any “scare away the fans” excuse for excluding a BW, unlike some of the hypocrites and phonies over here would.

Good on him.

Remember, Hollywood and the American Media loves to claim that our black faces will make people – around the entire world! – avoid their crappola media content if we’re front and center.

Call bull dung on it. It is their bigotry at work, not the international folks. And people will always criticize the content – that’s a given.

Last Note: How White Women Roll

We have a famous actor – from Europe – being stalked by crazy white supremacist women (along with those horseface online and print magazine editors). He dares to publicly be in a relationship with a black woman, while he is incredibly hot and rich. It is not happening before he’s famous, and he’s not hiding her like a dirty secret either.

And I bet it will not affect his career one whit.

He’s being criticized by these same Neo-Nazi bitches who will chime in “love is colorblind” on every IR forum, but only if the chick is a white woman. Otherwise, they will wonder what’s wrong with the guy, denigrate the black woman’s looks and basically go bonkers. Because every man must find them attractive, or the world is off-kilter.

Always remember these are the same people who run the media. That’s why you rarely see uplifting images of black women in a positive, attractive and alluring manner, because these people want it that way.

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Links relating to this topic are welcome.

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One Asian World Interview – First Black Woman as Love Interest

 

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Coming Out of the Closet: I Lust After Asian Men

Posted on | July 22, 2012 | 29 Comments

{{Glances furtively over shoulder. Proceeds to type slowly and cautiously.}}

I’ve been harboring a big secret, but this is only between you and me. Okay?

Jeremy Lin

With the trading of Jeremy Lin – to Houston! – I’ve finally snapped. I feel like I’ve been teased and played by the Knicks. They get you thinking, “Yeah, maybe he’ll stay around. He’s looking better than ever. Maybe something special will happen… It’s happened before.”

I feel like I was waiting for the call about a 2nd date that never came.

Jeremy Lin was the only reason I was interested in the Knicks again. The team was looking good. Like an old boyfriend that’s put on 20 lbs of muscle, making more money at a better job and rocking that supa-fly Clark Kent look.

Instead, he turns out to be same ol’ guy in a different suit with the same ol’ stinking attitude. Loser!

KDramas

So, I’ve said I watch Korean Dramas for the “quality” of the shows.

I lied.

I only watch if the guys are smoking hot, otherwise, “Meh”. And these shows almost always guarantee a half naked man (usually showering) the first couple of episodes. All nicely tanned, muscular and tall actors. I don’t know the height of the average Korean male, but some of the guys they use are rather big. (Any man over 6’0″ to me is big.)

Wish I could do the casting call for those programs. Hey, I’d be happy to hang around and teach the guys conversational English. ;)

I also like how the male actors don’t seem to go whole-hog the racial-mutilation-surgery route. They still look normal. Whereas a lot of the female actresses look downright scary, if not creepy from too much plastic surgery.

LifeStyle of the AfroAsiaphile

This is not a late development for me. I’ve been attracted to (and dated) Asian guys all of my life, and the attraction has been mutual. I’ve lived in neighborhoods and attended schools that had everybody. Now, I don’t make any specific distinctions between South Asians or those from the Far East. I don’t pretend to be a cultural curator where I know enough to be some kind of authority.

So, I’m someone who whenever I attend Asian culture events, I sit back, chill, and let ‘em tell me what’s what.

The thing is – in a lot of places where black people are – they are there as well. I’ve met Asians who are from Jamaica, Trinidad, Panama, European countries, Canada (such a foreign place), and I suppose wherever else you can imagine. I’ve met my share of Asian / black offspring since I was child, usually the result of a black mother / Asian father. For me, blacks and Asians being together in community is no big deal. Never was.

Unique

So, what is it that I lust after find attractive about Asian men?

Well, first and foremost it’s their “Good Hair”, of course. Nothing beats running your hands through such thick, silky, curly or straight hair. Mmmm. Sooo erotic. Once I bury my hand in there, it’s not coming out!

Ever really looked at their eyes? Some Asian men have eyelashes to die for. Women are out there spending billions to get their eyelashes on point, while these guys seem unaware they have such a beautiful fringe. I think it’s a shame when they get that eyelid operation. Something that unique should be celebrated. It makes the men look sexy. Dare I say, exotic? And I don’t consider that a bad word.

Although Asian men come in variety of hues – I seriously dig the golden tan to dark brown shades. Delicious. Especially on a buff body. Hmmm. Even though blacks and Asians share similar complexions, it’s not exactly the same, a lot of us seem to have red undertones (which is just as lovely don’t get me wrong).

I love the vibrant colors and jewelry that South Asian women use for special events. Just awesome. I have a few items I’ve worn on occasion.

They love to party and dance as hard as we do. And arrive just as late.

Kindness

I have been warned by Asian women that the Good Guy behavior of Asian men is sometimes just for show. I believe it’s because men will unconsciously behave better with women that aren’t a part of their group. Girlfriends (of all races) have always been real with me about how their men treat them, so I’m not one to write with rose colored glasses on.

However, I am awed and sometimes surprised at the kindness of Asian men. In my eyes, they exhibit another form of male generosity and masculinity that I enjoy.

What do I mean? Behavior that exceeds general courtesy. They have and will, whether I ask them for something, or not, if they know me some, will go out of their way to get me that item(s), assist or do me a favor(s). It’s wonderful, because they do not have this attitude that you will or should owe them something. Even profuse thanks seem to make them uncomfortable. It’s so adorable.

And hot.

I’m writing this in order to leave a favorable impression of non-black men with regards to their behavior towards black women (in this case, myself). Since I’m usually not one to put up my personal life in detail. My goal is to show that there are men of other races who do LIKE us, will TREAT us well, and make GREAT friends and lovers.

I love the idea of an Asian husband. Always have. Of course, it has to be whether we get along. And I know family carries a ton of weight in these relationships, so I don’t tread lightly.

Like / Love Who You Want To

People love to cite stats to make us feel unattractive or unwanted, but they’re working too hard at it. Remember that we are outliers: a tiny group  – IR minded, adult, educated black women living in the West – within a racial minority, and those relationship stats will always reflect that. Don’t ever linger on them. They’re irrelevant.

So, I say all this to tell black women to look at all men, and ignore anyone who tries to make you feel less than.

Only the man that is interested in YOU can tell you why he’s attracted. No one else can.

… and some of the finest men I’ve ever laid eyes on and dated were Asian. :D

{{Sighs with relief. Wanders off to watch latest KDrama.}}

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Wayne Brady vs Bill Maher: How a Good Brotha Fights A Bad White Man

Posted on | July 8, 2012 | 53 Comments

He does it by talking about the black women (of questionable repute) that the “bad white man” dates.

Say What?

Apparently, Wayne Brady (WB) got plenty tired of Bill Maher (BM) using his name to lament President Obama not being hardcore or thuggish enough to suit him. Perhaps both should search YouTube for that video remake of a Waka Flocka rap where President Obama is as thug-like as they want him to be. It is so funny. Not.

In an interview with the tall, black and beautiful Aisha Taylor (whose husband is white), Wayne Brady utters some of the following (excerpted from Mediaite):

“I’ve had Bill Maher twice now when referencing Obama, [sic] he’s like ‘yeah, with your Wayne Brady’ — it’s a diss to Obama to be called me,” Brady explained to Tyler on her podcast this week, noting that Maher wanted a “brother brother.” Accusing Maher of only having the “particular black experience” of “fuck[ing] black hookers,” he explained that he did not confront Maher usually because “if I would have gone on his show or even doing it online, I’m not going to win, he still has his platform.”

But Brady explained that Maher was wrong to think of Brady as somehow not “black enough.” “I’m not saying I’m really badass but, if Bill Maher has his perception of what’s black wrapped up, I would gladly slap the shit out of Bill Maher in the middle of the street, and then I want to see what Bill Maher would do.” He explained that he wouldn’t actually do this “because I’d get sued and lose my house and its not worth it for me, but the black man part of me would be so satisfied to slap the shit out of him in front of Coco and Ebony and Fox, the three ladies of the night that he has hired.”

It Is Such An Epic Smackdown

Lemme tell you something, Wayne Brady is essentially a “good brotha”. See how bad-ass this man is? He uses a lot of profanity. He talks about Bill Maher’s sex life. He’s showing us he can be street. Keepin’ it real. What a profile in courage. Courage! I tell you.

  • WB does not ask BM to invite him onto his show for a man-to-man showdown. Nope. Instead, he makes these comments on a podcast with a relatively well-known black woman (who’s married to a white man) to talk smack about BM’s sex life with “black hookers”.
    • This tactic looks familiar, a “good black man” (married to a non-black woman) runs to a black woman to talk about a white man’s sex life. There’s just too much mess here to unpack.
  • WB does not ask BM to invite him onto his show for a man-to-man showdown. WB admits he would not win, since BM would get the last word. Apparently, BM is so very all-powerful. Does WB think we’re supposed to believe it is simply by virtue of getting the last word? In this age of social media?
    • One of the most “powerful / popular” people on Facebook is George Takei (a.k.a Mr. Sulu). Nearly everybody can get a last word in.
  • WB falls into role playing a wanna-be-thug anyway, just to convince others that he is not an emasculated, weak, well-behaved, white accommodating negro. Then he proceeds to talk about himself – nearly in 3rd person for additional distancing – just to express his desire to smack BM. Is he afraid of going to jail if he made the threat directly?
    • I get that he’s joking. But it was funny when he did it on Chappelle’s Show.
  • Why does WB make black women (they are still human beings – I know a lot of people forget this) part of the focal point in his courageous blasting of BM? Since when is smacking a white man in front of black women (for whom WB obviously has no respect for) something to be in awe of? They are already denigrated for being black women.
    • Why bring them into his diss of BM? Because at the end of the day, he is the emasculated, weak, well-behaved, white accommodating negro he’s referenced as.

They Can Never Put Their Egos Aside

I know some of us love misdirection, and will think this topic is about Bill Maher or the “type” of women he likes to be seen in public with. I’m looking at the composition of what one man said about another. I expected a direct man-to-man retort, but that – in my eyes – never occurred.

Somehow a “good brotha” decided that the best way to insult a “bad white man” inevitably involved black women and sex. (And this topic is an old one.)

Don’t be fooled by the “black hooker”, “black prostitute” or “black women are easy” talk. You and I know some negroes never make a distinction when it comes to black women (as prostitutes), white men (as exploiters) and sex (always purchased, never about love).  Their goal is to continually promote this negative, tainted image.

“Good black men” or “good brothas” like to pretend that their sex / relationships with non-black women is about uplifting liberation, real love and reclaiming “black male pride” as reigning penis-champions, whereas black women are eternally debased sex slaves to all non-black men. And any man who tangles with us, no matter how low he is, will sink even further down.

You cannot ever win – the freedom to date whomever you like – if you ever give an inch to this type of argument and logic. Especially when used to serve the extremely fragile ego of a black male defending himself from a white man.

A Simple Rule of Thumb: Keep Black Women Out of It

If a “good brotha” is having a fight with a “bad white man” – let us all step far back and way way out of reach. ‘Cause when the fists start swinging – the “good black man”  is gonna end up punching black women in the face whilst pretending he couldn’t touch the “bad white man”. Somehow it’ll be because he keeps missing his target.

Yet, the truth is: he was always aiming for the black woman….

***

Yahoo artice: WB vs BM

Mediaite article: WB vs BM

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Do I Want To Talk About

Posted on | June 17, 2012 | 48 Comments

I suppose my hiatus is over. It’s hard to blog sometimes. Events happen quickly. And by time I think to write about it – I’m not feeling it anymore.

Do I want to talk about Floridian Cannibals? No thanks. Makes me lose my appetite.

Do I want to talk about the NBA playoffs? I only want the Miami Heat to lose. Otherwise, I’m not interested.

Do I want to talk about the President? I would, I could, but we’ll see after November 2012. I usually get asked by a relative, “Is he really such an idiot?” I’ve been reluctant to answer, but lately … I’m hard pressed, you know? If you are a fan of the President, don’t be offended. It’s just that if he was working at a private corporation, he’d have been fired by now. You try saying it’s the last guy / gal who held your title / position is the reason for your sub-par performance.

Yeah, that’ll work.

Do I want to talk about EU and the imploding Greek, Spanish, and Italian economies? Nope. Really don’t care. I suspect if the President was a Republican they could comfortably blame America for their wonderful mess, but they can’t say jack. I hope they aren’t hoping for any bailouts from the USA,  ’cause we’s broke, ya’ll.

Do I want to talk about our wonderful, thriving economy? Nope. ‘Cause the President says, “The private sector is doing fine.” Still smoking that stuff, sir? #doingfine #Choom

Do I want to talk about black men who are face chewing, stalking, cheating, murderous, promiscuous, insane, damaged beyond repair nutjobs? Not for a very very very long time. I think I’ve OD on the subject. What more is there to say? Stay the hell away from ‘em. If you can, leave Blackistan. Nuff said.

Do I want to talk about travel? I’ve got Singapore on the brain. So far away. Lovely steady temperature. And expensive as all out. I’m due for a treat. Aiming for next year. If I go, it’ll be the first flight since the airports put in the Rape-I-Scanners. #fingerscrossed

Do I want to talk about dating and mating with non-black men? It’s academic, natural and simple. If you are a heterosexual woman, there are attractive men out there you can bond with regardless of hue. Wanting and needing is normal and acceptable: You want a man. You need a man. There’s no shame in that desire. Just relax. Go easy on yourself. And keep looking.

Do I want to talk about obesity? Naw, why should I? Aren’t fat black women helpless bullied victims?  It is obviously everybody’s fault some of them are such a hot mess. Shoot. Where I work there is this obese, short, extremely unattractive black woman – her stomach rests on the chair seat – she needs to lean back to stand – she cannot see her feet if she looked down – she waddles in a circle when she walks – she’s a malodorous cloud of sweat, stink perfume and sulfur – she’s always bringing in fattening foods to offer to others (and she’s always on a diet) – she offers advice no one wants to hear – she’s the office “Mammy”.

And I live rent free in her little head.

Guess whose BODY she studies? Guess whose HEALTH she wants to fret about? Guess whose CLOTHING she’s obsessed with? Guess whose phone calls she listens in on? Guess who she wont leave the goddamn hell alone – day in and day out? I don’t talk to this person. I don’t acknowledge her. I’ve never mentioned anything about her looks, but people like her – it has to be she’s been dropped on her shrunken head one time too many as a child. I also get my share of nasty lip curls and looks of hatred from two other obese black women at work, but hey, it must be because I’m the reason they cannot put their forks down. Must be my fault. What do I get from everybody else who’s short, tall, dark, light or small? Normalcy. We say, “Hello”, and keep it moving.

It’s not the first time I’ve encountered this kind of crazy from these poor, innocent, polite, delicate, sweet-natured big boned girls. I don’t usually mention it, because I often put it out of mind. And I’m not even close to slender, I consider myself medium-size. (I used to be heavier. I know what it’s like.)

But black women, some of you really, really need therapy. You require years of counseling. Do not be ashamed of seeking professional help with your issues.

‘Cause I’m gonna tell you right now, other black women – who are minding their own damn business, working to stay healthy, and living their life – aren’t in your way. And no amount of hectoring, harassing, bitching, critiquing or beseeching is gonna turn us into the office “Beulah” laboring beside you.

So, you go on ahead, continue to commit suicide by fork. ‘Cause you are on that plantation all by your lonesome.

Do I want to talk about Scandal? Really enjoyed the show. It’s meant to be funny, right? ‘Cause I couldn’t stop laughing. Best new comedy on TV.

Do I want to talk about the movies? Nope. Haven’t seen any of those “blockbusters”. Nothing interests me. Not even Prometheus. Only because anything to do with Alien(s) gives me nightmares. Yeah, I’m a big child.

Do I want to talk about anything else? Perhaps. We’ll see. I promise myself I’d blog more. We’ll see.

Hope everyone is doing fine and fulfilling their dreams. :)

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What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank

Posted on | April 3, 2012 | 128 Comments

This is a free range post, so don’t expect too much coherence. :)

News With No Opinion

I don’t watch the evening news. I read selective items online such as: local Weather, Technology, Health, Sports (at least when J-Lin was playing with the Knicks), Politics, Business, Economics, and hopefully stuff that wont irritate and annoy me.

One of the reasons you do not find me writing a comment about many of the latest news stories is that I realize by the third week, a lot of initial “facts” change. And even after that, sometimes it’s best to remain silent. What I say wont bring anybody back, alter government policy or reality, and unless I’m looking to make a point – my policy is to have no opinion on the matter(s).

Does that mean I don’t care? I care about my personal issue(s), my personal life and while I wish I could be affected by things people assume would affect me, I know they wont. It’s a long winded way of saying I don’t share the victim mentality that being black makes me less than, weak, a sorry excuse for a human being, powerless and unable to change. I cannot do the impossible, but I’ll try. And that starts with how I think about myself. That is the only thing I have the most control over: me.

Does that mean I don’t issue an opinion in other forums? Sometimes I’ll have some thoughts relating to a piece of the overall picture, but I’m unable to offer a solution. I don’t believe in group related solutions. Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone absorbs information differently. One person’s candor is another person’s insult. You know how it is sometimes, you wonder if people can comprehend English, because their understanding strays so far from the writer’s obvious intent. And then you realize these intelligent people are being deliberately obtuse. I used to troll. It was fun back in the day. So I get it.

Life’s Little Changes

I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve got an uneasy feeling coming over me. Maybe that’s how Spring is – one day it’s warm, next day Tornadoes are busting out all over.

So, I’m in a contemplative mood. My cat, who was only 12 years old, got ill – so quickly – and I had to take him to the vet. I lost something dear to me last week. I was surprised by the depths of my sorrow. I’m not the most emotional person around. I don’t mean stoic or long suffering. I wisecrack and laugh like everyone else, but I don’t let things bother me (like a lot of people seem to over topics online – I really could not care less). I’m not a huggy-kissy kind of woman, well, unless it’s with my man, otherwise… So I like who and what I like. I can only truly be bothered by friend and family matters, which are up close and personal.

Do I miss my little mongrel? Sure. I also had to take into account how much room I made for that animal in my life. I regarded my feline as a person. My family and friends would always inquire about my cat (long after meeting him). He was a true character. And I learned how to be patient with him. I learned how to look after someone other than myself (I am very selfish and not afraid to admit it). I’ve also learned that if I don’t succeed the first time, come back in a minute to try again. I made sure he was always comfortable, never went hungry, never went cold, and spoiled him rotten. :)

He was very entertaining too:

- Whenever I was going to feed him, I’d say, “Eat”. And he’d jump out of the chair and run into the kitchen.
- He used to fetch little balls of paper after I tossed them for him to swat away.
- He used to follow me everywhere around the house, walking next to me like he had a leash on.
- If he wanted my attention, he’d get up on his hind legs, and while I’m sitting at the table, hold onto the table with one paw and tap me with the other.
- I’d say, “Come on” to leave a room. He’d follow.
- I’d say, “Stop that” or “No.” If he was doing something that irritated me. He would stop.
- I’d say, “Get out.” He liked to follow me into the bathroom. He would leave.

Maybe everybody’s cat did this. I had cats as a kid, but never one like this little fellow.

Would I get another cat? No. I like them, but when you’ve had one with such unique characteristics, you have to let that one be the last. And frankly, I don’t have the energy to invest in another one. A pet can take a lot out of a person. I’m a one-track kind of individual. I’m envious of people who can juggle multiple threads of their lives in the air, I’m not able to do that. And I accept that about myself.

RIP Buddy. I thank God for letting you into my life and teaching me so much. :)

 

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Media Watch: Black Women and The Blind Side

Posted on | March 12, 2012 | 30 Comments

I sorta liked this movie. Yet, I was also disturbed by it.

I happen to like Sandra Bullock, even though her taste in men is dreadful. :) So my criticism is of the film itself, and not her as an actress.



Also, I’ve learned not to expect anything meaningful from Hollywood, especially with movies including black women. For these people, it’s about, “Which stereotypes shall I use today?” Quality drama is reserved for “special” white men, white women and a favored ethnic token or two. The writers, producers and directors will probably never evolve meaningfully or intelligently into viewing non-white women as human beings. Hollywood is composed of limited, talentless, shortsighted creatures – no matter how many Oscars they hand out to themselves as examples of excellence.

They only wish they knew better.

And I know people mean well, but enough with the, “That’s why we gotta make our own films,” mantra. I have no bloody frigging interest in making films. Seriously. I just don’t watch anything they put out if I’m not satisfied. Plenty of Korean dramas, foreign films, and classics to watch, or books to read. End of story.

But I’ll criticize the crap if I want to.

A Familiar Theme

The Blind Side tapped into a familiar storyline that I’ve seen (or heard about) in a number of films or TV shows. Guess what Six Degrees of Separation, Fresh Prince of Bel-AirAntwone Fisher and The Blind Side have in common? A young black male gets taken in or is saved by someone. Admirable stories, of course. I applaud those efforts.

I’ve watched a lot of movies – I’ve been searching my frazzled brain – have there been any versions where young black females, alone, no siblings, have been helped? Maybe I missed those nice Lifetime flicks. I’m sure there have been some. How about TV shows? Any major film releases in the last decade? Someone lemme know if you’ve found any. And Precious doesn’t count.

Is it because people have this notion that no one would see a film where a young black girl / woman is taken in and assisted by a wealthy white family? Is it because people realize a white women would see the young black girl / woman as a threat to her stable white family? Maybe she’d end up in the sack with the husband, grandfather, uncles or Gawd Ferbid, her studly sons?

Or is that no one thinks a black girl / woman is worth saving in the first place? Do folks think she will land on her feet like a cat falling off a highrise balcony?

No One Is Coming To Rescue You

The message from those films, and TV shows, I’ve mentioned – like the elimination of black women from history (a la Red Tails) – is that you’ve already been sacrificed. You shouldn’t wait to be rescued, like Antwone Fisher, or any other black male, or white woman, or favorite token ethnic, because no one cares. Those groups are established and recognized “victims”. Black girls / women are not.

Remember that each and every time someone starts a project, foundation, scholarship, or organization to solely benefit black girls / young black women, the inevitable whining begins. But what about my boys? What about black boys? And it needs to be asked, “What about them?” Why is everyone so stingy, mealy mouth, about something just for the girls? If the whiners want change, they can start an organization for their boys, although gazillions of them already exist.

I wonder why there has not been any TV shows, movies or media stories celebrating the taking in and uplifting of a black girl / young black woman? We had The Secret Life of Bees, a story where black women take in a little white girl. Would the movie have been made if she was a black girl? Even in stories where a young black girl is given a home, like in I Can Do Bad All By Myself, it’s done with her male sibling. And predictably someone tries to rape the child. Would the movie have been made if the siblings were girls?

If the young girl is always at threat of being sexually abused, why is she regarded as the problem?

Boys Are Preferred

The reason why movies, TV shows, and media stories focus on the rescued boys is this: they’re “endangered”, more vulnerable than girls, don’t get pregnant, wont seduce your male family members (heh), aren’t a hassle (no worries about sassiness), and at least with the boy, his saviors can get a decent return on their investment if he excels at sports.

Who said it wasn’t a man’s world? Those things right there prove that if a young black male pulled himself together, with plenty of the “right” assistance, he could step higher into mainstream America by virtue of having a penis. There is a support structure in place. Those who whine about, “What about my boy?” miss this fact entirely. His color matters less than if his head(s) is in the right place. Black mothers (and plenty of fathers) seem blind to this opportunity.

Black Girls Be Gone

See how everyone misses the sexism and racism against black girls? No one is thinking of them. It’s always about saving the “brothas”, save the endangered black male, or save our black boys. Worthwhile efforts. Yet, all children need help. Not just one gender.

People ignore the plight of black girls, because they are regarded the same as stray feral cats: able to take care of herself (even at ages as young as 8 years old) and it’s not a topic worth bothering about.

Blindsided Opportunities

Every movie that pretends to be uplifting, is also in danger of spreading another message that isn’t as compassionate or endearing as they’ve imagined. Some people are likely smeared in the process. Like black women.

The Blind Side was about a “good white Christian” family, specifically a southern woman, taking in a homeless black boy, Michael Oher, (who’s really big, seems mentally slow, but he’s really a gentle giant – think Michael Clarke Duncan in the Green Mile). Throughout the film, I had this imagine of a family seeing a big stray dog by the road, taking it home and not realizing it’s a wolf.

Sandra Bullock’s character had that irritating “white woman’s moxie” that worked my last nerve throughout the film. That whole pushy, obnoxious, y’all gonna do what I say because I am sooooo special routine was so annoying…. But hey, she was doing it for the boy. That po’ boy. She was gonna save him. ‘Cause if he was a homeless she, well, um, things would sort themselves for the girl. Couldn’t bring that home. A black boy, yes. A black girl? Nevah.

Two Sides of the Same Negative Coin

There were two black women in this film. Neither one served in a good light.

Oftentimes on TV shows, or movies, we get the tough talkin’ ball bustin’ black chick who comes in and runs game. Rarely likeable. Rarely attractive. If she is good looking, it’s guaranteed that by time her acting is done, her performance has drained her femininity away. And that’s done on purpose. Some of us are fooled into thinking that’s a power position or a positive thing. Trust me on this one: you’re not being served when presented as the tough talkin’ ball bustin’ black chick who comes in and runs game. That character always has a black woman’s face.

Remember now, it’s called, “Othering”. Don’t ever forget that.

Both Equally Bad: Dark and Light

Michael Oher’s mother was shown in a dark, dank and dilapidated apartment. Of course, she was a shamed-faced crack addict, who had her children taken away. When Sandra Bullock’s character came for him, she passively accepts the “purchase”, oh sorry, releasing of her child to this “good Christian white woman” (GCWW).

The GCWW may have listened to the sorry story of Michael Oher’s momma, but did nothing to offer her help. Hey, we all know by now that a (poor, black) drug addict is a lost cause. And no one is supposed to help a black woman anyway. You’re on your own, pardner.

However, the son is worth something. He could be used for sports. His mother? She done served her purpose. She popped out big boy!

Remember back when the last saving grace of a black mother was that she’d do everything for her children? Now, that’s even been taken away. A GCWW makes a far superior mother as well.

The image of black motherhood, black womanhood and self-sufficiency has been completely tarnished.

On the flip side, we get a light and bright black woman who’s brought in, by the NCAA, to interrogate Michael Oher’s decision to attend good ole Miss (segregation history). I believe he was interrogated, but by a black woman? Pshaw. Gimme a break.

But the movie required that an evil tough talkin’ ball bustin’ black chick comes in and runs game. Hate those characters. Hate ‘em all. These mannish black women roles have to end. Let white women keep them.

Oh, and that “mean black woman” is edjumacated, articulate, smart and very bitchy.

They put her and Oher in a nice bright room. And she attacks him like a hungry feral cat. She’s cold, offers no comfort, and doesn’t behave like an ally. The assumption is that a man (white, black or other) would have some sympathy for Michael. But by having that “mean black woman” we see how they are presented as being in the way of this young black man.

Did You Get The Message? Black Women Are in the Way of Black Male Progress

Michael Oher’s first impediment in life was his mother. I’m sure if the movie had time for more they would have tossed in more black women who get in his way. The last hurdle was the NCAA interrogator. If she stops him – his ability to play football and his new life would be hampered.

Way to go black women!

And who showed the black male the way forward? Those GCWW. Showing him what a real mother is like, what a real wife is like, what a real sister is like, what a real nurturing spirit is like, what a real woman is like, and what real femininity is like. So good, that women like her would make an excellent wife.

Lemme recap real quick: this movie made a deep comparison between two sets of women. The GCWW and white “sister” versus the crack head black “mother” and black corporate ball buster.

Guess what black women: you lost. And I bet you weren’t even paying attention, because Michael’s story was so “uplifting” and “wonderful”.

In Summary: Separate Shouldn’t Require Elimination

We have, in theory, talked about black women (who are “free”) moving out of the regressive, dwindling, faux or non-existent “black community” to integrate with the rest of society to improve their lives and explore it to the fullest extent.

I’d say black men have been freely doing it for years. However, the media has made it quite clear you, black women, were dumped curbside quite a while ago. The message is that it is the black male who is better off without you. Somehow, if he’s not succeeding, it’s your fault, whether he’s family or a stranger.

I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a dangerous message. I hope it wont be repeated.

It’s different to want to disengage and live the way you see fit – as a black woman. That’s different than messages sent via film that black males aren’t succeeding, because black women (family or not) are crippling or denying him access to a better life.

And we often hesitate to push back against any message that seems anti-black woman, due to not wanting to be viewed as hampering black male achievement. But it doesn’t have to be an either or situation. Black men  aren’t the least bit worried about the well being of black women. Frankly, they’re running full tilt somewhere else. Try visiting an all white “hipster” club and watch the usual 2-4 negroes freak out. How dare you intrude into their special space and have a social life? They’ve made it clear that they don’t respect you.

Besides, other folks will take care of him, which takes a load off your back….

So, let’s not be blindsided anymore, black women. Be an advocate for yourself. Be an advocate for young black girls.

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For Black Women: Don’t Ever Ask For Permission To Live

Posted on | March 5, 2012 | 9 Comments

Spring is coming. Well, up here in the Northeast it’s coming. I’m sure for those of you around the country (or world) the weather is different. Could be blazing hot right now, eh?

I haven’t been pro-active enough lately, or the last couple of months. I think I’ve spent more of it catching up, because I’ve let so many personal things go by the wayside. I’m a procrastinator. It’s true. :)

I want to encourage those of you who are feeling a bit blue to look forward to the next few months, or years, of your life. I think the last two or three years have been a wake up call. We’re seeing relatively “young” celebrities, rich folk, public intellectuals and entertainers die way way way before their time. And here we are simple, regular folk, slogging through each day wondering how people with “everything” could pass so easily.

There you have it: even the wealthy, famous and “perfect” can suddenly die.

Oh, I meant to cheer you up. Sorry. :)

I want to encourage you. Push you. Gently. To refocus.

Think about what you want. What you want! What you NEED. What you DESIRE. What you feel you DESERVE.

You ain’t here to please nobody. So don’t let any naysayers, toxic people, or the crabs in your life know about your wishes. Only share it with those who really do love you.

And that’s another thing. Please run away, right now, from anybody who makes you feel less than. Who leaves a bad taste in your mouth after every discussion. A “frank” conversation shouldn’t leave you feeling sad, sorrowful, down-in-the-dumps or DISCOURAGED!

I meant this to be short, but I’m asking all of you to think of yourselves. Treat yourself better. Love yourself. Find people who adore you to surround you. And tell the vampires in your life to hit the road. There are people out there who are NOT entitled to invade your personal space or life.

Okay?

Make that list. Follow through. Do what pleases you. Do the impossible. And remember: Don’t ever ask for permission to live.

Take good care of yourself.

Cheers. :D

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The Jeremy Lin Show

Posted on | February 27, 2012 | 13 Comments

NBA: Same Ol’ Same Ol’

It has been years since I’ve followed sports, basketball in particular. I watched the Knicks when Ewing played for them, that’s how long ago it’s been. And if you want to know how out of it I was, I’ve never watched Michael Jordan play. I’ve never tuned into his games. Yup, I was numero uno of the non-fan didn’t-give-a-rip coalition. Not a hater. Just distinterested. I just thought that Dr Jay never got his props as the better player, but he pre-dated Nike ads, so that’s how it goes.

I was into college basketball, the game was short, quick and the players were hungry. Something about the pros left me bored. I got the feeling that once they signed the multimillion dollar contracts, the hunger left them. They played soft. They played like satiated lions. Lazy and sleepy. Who wants to watch that?

Along with the stories of baby mamas, wife beatings, shoving a wife out the front door naked, sleeping with ugly white female reporters, gambling, bad attitudes, throwing people through plate glass windows, etc., etc. – I decided I wasn’t supporting those dysfunctional messes. Basketball and football held little appeal to me, especially with the recent spate of shoot-outs, fan beatings and gang symbols being displayed. Plus, I’m grossed out by all those ugly thugs covered head to toe in prison-style tattoos. I wasn’t interested in watching any major league basketball or football. Or any sport for that matter. Don’t get me started on those nasty spitting baseball players!

Change Comes LIN

So, here comes this young man who’s a bit different from the usual cynics in the basketball league. I’ve watched the YouTube clips of him playing. I understand why he suddenly has so many fans: he looks like he’s having fun. He plays with a passion for the game. It’s apparent that he loves to play basketball. He has no tattoos. I’m sure he’s not a saint, but I’m certain that people are tired of the bad boy, bad ass, tattooed big dummies. They are everywhere, in every entertainment field. And not only are they phony and talentless – they’re annoying. There’s nothing interesting in a rich angry irrational manchild.  You wish they would take up the offer from an older man to teach them a lesson in a wrestling ring. Oh, what a great treat that would be.

Making People Go LINsane

Now, I understand that the media overreaction to Jeremy Lin, JLin, a.k.a. “Linsanity” was 3/4ths about his “race”. I’m still shaking my head at the things that have been said over the last three weeks, which already seems like an eternity.

There have a been dozens of puns that include “Lin” in the word: Air Lin, Linsanity, Super Lintendo… you get the picture. It was cute. A couple of folks at ESPN jumped the shark, thus losing a job or two.

Then came the jealous folks. Floyd Mayweather Jr was mad at the attention JLin was receiving. He said (paraphrasing) that black men do the same thing everyday in the league, but no one is paying attention. Well, the problem  with that statement is that – if you don’t look like the average player in the league – people will notice. Sort of like when a heavyset white woman from the UK sings like a black woman blues singer. People notice those sorts of things. Hype may follow.

Jason “Witless” Whitlock (who has spewed racist / misogynist material about Serena Williams) decided to tweet something foul about JLin. But why did he focus on the sexuality of the young man? Why would an out-of-shape obese black man who is a sportswriter, not even a ballplayer, worry about the sex life of a young Asian man? Was he worried that an Asian male was encroaching on black male territory? Athleticism, masculinity, and sexual supremacy do go hand in hand. Did he picture a future where Asian men would be viewed as super-studs instead of black males?? Uh-oh.

Plus, “Witless” was so used to writing vulgar insults about black women, he didn’t realize other groups wouldn’t stand for the same behavior. He quickly apologized.

KilLINg Conventional Wisdom and Stereotypes

However, JLin did break all kinds of records with his initial “starter” games. He has played in the D Leagues, or maybe a few minutes in the NBA, but not as a starter. Once he was allowed, by the Knicks, to play point guard, he started knocking down some walls.

I’m surprised by the following, because I didn’t realize there were so many things achieved by Jeremy Lin. I always assumed they had already happened.

1) Harvard has sent very few (maybe a handful or half-dozen) players to the NBA. We’ve had more Presidents who went to Harvard.

2) He’s the first and only (so far) American, of Chinese / Taiwanese descent, to play in the NBA. Not the first Asian American, but the others were half-black or half-white, and the first was of Japanese descent before the various (American Basketball and National Basketball) leagues merged in 1976. He played for the Knicks too.

3) He was never drafted a.k.a. undrafted. No one held a lottery to pick him up in the league. He came in through the backdoor basically.

4) He’s managed to score 229 points in his first 7 starter games. Even for his first 4 at 109 points he’s exceeded everyone else since 1976.

Always Be Ready for Prime Time

Will he stay a superstar? Perhaps. I don’t have a magic 8 ball. And considering the short attention span of the public, who knows who they’ll love / hate in the next few weeks?

I do have some takeaways from the media-storm surrounding this young man:

  • He’s proven that good luck really is 90% preparation and fortuitous timing.
  • He worked on his weaknesses during the NBA lockout, doing everything he could to get into superb physical condition (6’3″ and 200lbs).
  • He’s played against the number one draft and showed he could excel.
  • When his chance finally arrived – he literally came off the bench as the last guy picked – he played his heart out to win.

He is responsible for helping the Knicks become a better team over the last 11 games. He helped them win 9 of them. Not bad for a rookie. Not bad for a guy who has faith in God, but also understood he had to do the work to get where he wanted. Just laying around and praying wasn’t going to cut it, he had to move, get it done and show with all his heart what he wanted.

He admits that the media attention is draining. Blake Griffin (big red slam dunk king and 6’9″ – dang) told him he has to learn to say, “No.”

Asian Persuasion

I’ve been reading the Asian (blog / twitter) reaction to JLin. I’m (again) surprised at the angst revealed by the men.  All I can say is, “Wow,” I had no idea. I’m not a guy, so my interpretation may be off, but I get the sense that JLin helps them achieve a sort of American masculine sexual ideal that’s been missing in the media or the general culture. They see white, black and Latinos in the superstar sexy beasts stratosphere, but they’ve never felt a part of that club. Interesting.

American culture is so anti-intellectual and dedicated to dysfunctional drugged up dumb-ass losers, that the highest income, best in academic achievement and most entrepreneurial men in this country feel emasculated and less than for being studious, responsible, dependable and stable. That’s the world we live in folks. Where up is down, right is wrong and the insane run the asylum.

I would hope that the lesson the other men (black, white and Latino) can learn from Jeremy Lin is to play earnestly, humbly, and make the game fun again. I’m sure most of them do, but it’d be nice if they were the norm again, and not considered the exception(s). The degenerates receive too much attention for their bad behavior and appear to be financially, socially and emotionally rewarded for it.

Last Lesson: Play The Game

As for the lament of the Asian American male, I’d say the reason why they are invisible is because, this may not sound nice, but it’s my perception: you gotta be in the game to win it. No one notices Asian men, because they behave in a leave-me-alone, don’t-notice-me, and I’m-not-gonna-make-eye-contact fashion. Black, white and Latino men are assertive. They will look people in the eye and say something. They will do their Alpha male thing.

So, if the Asian men want to be like the other guys in this society, they’re gonna have to take note of something else about JLin. He plays fearlessly. He may have learned at an early age not to isolate himself by just hanging out with his Asian buddies. When he speaks, he sounds like any other guy in the league (black, white or whatever).

I wish him well, and hope he continues to excel at playing the game.

Hey, you know, I’d say the Jeremy Lin Show has a lot of things we can all learn from. :)

** Update **

Oh, and watch him get down and boogie. JLin can dance.

** Update Update **

I’m obsessed!! They should call him Maestro instead! Steals the ball and tosses to Shumpert. Beautiful. :)

Isn’t he cute? Love those eyes, cheekbones and mouth. :D

 

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For Black Women: R.I.P. Whitney Houston

Posted on | February 12, 2012 | 55 Comments

I did not know her personally. Yet, there’s so much hear-say that black folks like to pass along – gossipy nonsense – just so they could pretend they knew her. You know, a friend of a friend of a friend. I live in New Jersey. So, I’ve heard my share of crap.

Back in the day, pre-innernets, Bossip and TMZ, et al, I couldn’t read a black magazine or go to a hair salon without people talking about Ms Whitney. It was the same for Eddie Murphy, and a few other fresh faces of black super-stardom. That’s because there are neighborhoods in NJ where some wealthy (famous and non-famous) blacks clustered. I can recall people who saw her in person – shopping at a local store – and they spoke about not only how beautiful she was, but nice and graceous.

I grabbed this image from: http://praisedc.com/videos/praisedc/whitney-houston-sings-yes-jesus-loves-me-in-final-performance-video/

Acting Black / Acting White Dogma

The criticisms of her back when she was a rising star, collectively uttered from the Black Thought Police, had very little to do with her supposed attraction to roughneck DBR (damaged beyond repair) black males. It was actually the opposite: she was criticized for being extremely tight with her own crew of close-knit female friends, and being very accommodating – polite and very willing to mingle – with white people. Folks were also up-in-arms, because her music writers were white. I kid you not.

Black critics complained about Ms Whitney like they were frightened of her becoming – I dunno – white or something? The accusations were so bizarre and idiotic. I think they just hated the fact that she was classy, well spoken, and kept to her own little group. Yet, isn’t this the weird stigma that blacks who do well in school have to face? Being smart and well spoken is being white?

I recently had some chicks at my job ask me why I’m always well dressed. Digest the stupidity of that for a moment. You don’t need to ask if they’re black. :)

Think of it this way: wasn’t the fear of her “escaping” somewhat similar to the grief black women get for thinking for themselves? You know, dating IR, leaving the neighborhood, getting a better job, finishing school, and living to the best of your ability? Do you think it’s an accident Tina Turner left the country? Or how Diana Ross ran from black folks? Isn’t Halle Berry running away too? These women have self-preservation utmost in their minds. They know that kowtowing to the Black Thought Police is detrimental.

The Hood Chick Fiction

I’ll be honest. I hate reading about people trying to make Ms Whitney into a rough neck girl or a hood-rat that hid it well from the public, because she grew up near or in Newark, NJ. Come on, now.

You ever watch Whitney during her early days when she was being interviewed by the mainstream media nationally and internationally? You cannot fake that kind of class. You cannot fake speaking that well unless you went to a good school and learned how. You ever watch some our illiterate, uneducated and gangsta wannabe athletes struggle to utter a coherent sentence? So, why are people trying to put Whitney down there with them? Come on, now.

How could she be hood, when her mother is Sissy Houston, a well-known R&B singer, a famous cousin that is Dionne Warwick, and a father that was in the music business long before she was born? Come on, now.

And don’t we always say we speak differently depending on the environment? There’s relaxed “I’m among friends” speech, and then there’s formal speech. Listen to Whitney sing: she could enunciate like nobody’s business. Try listening to Mary J. Blige and some of these girls who really are hood. Good luck figuring out what they are singing about. (And I like Mary J., so don’t get me wrong.)

Even if she was from a tough neighborhood, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a sensitive, delicate, vulnerable and emotional woman. That’s the part that bothers me the most when people are dismissive of black girls or women who come from rough neighborhoods. They have feelings too. Just because they are better at masking it doesn’t mean they still don’t hurt. You think it’s easy to be dogged on a daily basis? That’s emotionally damaging, folks.

Anyone coming out of that environment untroubled is miraculous and highly improbable. The damage lingers for years, the scars cannot be seen, because they are the emotional kind.

An American Icon

She was one of the last true divas whose music I purchased. I cannot think of anyone who can hold a candle to that voice.

“I’ll Always Love You,” makes me cry every time I heard it.

You think any of these synthetic, Auto-Tune, overly-dramatic, yipping like a dog struck by a car, too cute to be for real, computer assisted chicks really know how to sing? Come on, now.

She blew the roof off with her rendition of the National Anthem. Now, look at how many twits cannot even remember the lyrics to give a decent performance singing it. They have no shame. They have no class. They show up for themselves. They aren’t there for the fans who made them rich. I cannot stand most of them.

What I loved about Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson is that they were old school in their professionalism. They showed up and gave 110% of themselves to their fans. I’ll give Madonna and Prince the same props – they’re performers who give it their all.

The music business keeps wondering why the sales of their music declines every year. It’s because they’re running out of real talent, here in the USA, that appeals to everyone. And passing restrictive Internet laws isn’t going to recoup those losses either.

I’ll miss you Ms Whitney Houston, because I was rooting for you to come back and blow everyone away again.

**Update**

Kevin Costner Stays Mum About Their Relationship
He Will Speak at Her Funeral

***Extra***

Lessons In Synchronicity & Love: Kevin Costner On Whitney Houston – A fantastic post from Faith’s Blog. Check it out.

Had no idea they were friends....

 

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When Am I Gonna Write About ‘Black Love’?

Posted on | February 2, 2012 | 15 Comments

One of these days, when I have the time… and it is Black History Month.

Although if folks want to get the ball rolling you may start talking about it. :)

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Black Actress Update: Props to Queen Latifah For Making ‘Joyful Noise’

Posted on | January 16, 2012 | 21 Comments

About Us For Us

I saw the movie Joyful Noise over the weekend. I had no idea what it was about. I saw it with a girlfriend (who’s Asian), she was the one who recommended it. I think most of the reviews have been half and half regarding this film. It’s a musical, a comedy with small bits of drama.

The storyline is rather old fashioned, family friendly, and when I watched it, I felt it would be a perfect musical for the stage (Off or On-Broadway). I liked the music so much, I’m buying the soundtrack. By the way, I’m also a Dolly Parton fan. It was nice to see her in this film. Kirk Franklin shows up to do a song.

The Film’s Focus

One thing about Queen Latifah, when she makes a film with a black woman / women in it – she doesn’t take the spotlight off of them to share it with others. That will be part and parcel of why this film wont get high grades: there’s no storyline about any white girl(s) in this. It’s about black women: their friends, frenemies, families and men (black, white and Asian).

Yup, all the interracial couples in this movie involve black women. :)

Think about that when others try to persuade you to see films where we are invisible, don’t exist, or only make up part of the background scenery.

The Audience

From my quick visual survey at the time, the demographics looked rather good: a mixed crowd of people over 25, although mostly white couples or white women with their kids.

That tells me that a variety of folks will come out to see a film with black women in the lead.

Praise

So, I stand up and applaud Queen Latifah for quietly putting out a movie, TV program, or whatever, year after year that focus on us. Somehow, she’s figured out how navigate the treacherous waters of Hollywood as an Executive Producer to get stuff done.

I hope more black women can do the same.

The Red Tails Discussion

Also, I wanted to point everyone to the awesome discussion over on What About Our Daughters regarding the lack of black women in the film Red Tails by George Lucas.

Ladies, at the end of the day, it’s your wallet, do as you please. :D

 

Update: My bad … I should have mentioned Keke Palmer. Her singing is amazing. I say if they ever wanted to make a new and improved, yet younger version of, The Bodyguard, they’ve got their girl.

 

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