Weight Loss: More Water

Whenever the digital scale starts creeping up – I drink more water. I do this to make it easier for me to lose weight.

By the way, the digital scale is a remarkable thing! I love its accuracy. On the older models, it looks like one has gained a pound overnight. Not so! You get to see down to ounce (or kilograms) how much food is still sitting in your body.

It may seem that drinking water would make one heavier the next day, but let’s look at it this way: the body needs help eliminating wastes.

I maintain a relatively flat stomach this way. The best advice I read was that your urine should be clear, not thick and almost syrupy.

I drink a few glasses of water before I begin to eat. I’m less hungry when I do this and feel full sooner.

We are made up of a lot of water, over 90%. Make sure the body is getting all the liquids it needs.


Self-Worth: That Voice in Your Head

Do you have an inner or outer critic that won’t shut up?

Does the inner critic sound familiar, like a mother, father or other relative that wouldn’t let up on how terrible they want you to think you are?

I used to wonder how people ended up not speaking to their relatives for years even decades. It is easy to give up on these complicated relationships. I am always conflicted, because with the good comes the bad, but sometimes cutting the cord is a necessary evil.

It doesn’t have to be a total elimination of these people from your life, but some relatives are, well, toxic. Like a frog in slowly warming water, one’s self-worth and self-esteem will erode under a constantly rising temperature of methodical, mendacious criticism.

I am open to different opinions. I am open to words of advice. Yet, there is a point when that family member has to STFU.

It is a crude point to make, yet insanity is the act of doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result.

As for me, I can’t take it anymore. I have had enough. Constant second guessing of myself, constant criticism of even the smallest deeds, the relentless assertion of not “being a nice person” – I can’t take it anymore. I have had enough. It is life long, long term child / adult abuse. It is a sneaky, shadowy form, but the message is always clear: there’s something wrong with you, you are not a good person.

When I constantly get this message, I begin to wonder: how am I supposed to change? What can I do to be a better person? Am I really a bad person? Am I mean? How come I am not nice? How come no one likes me? Is that why so-and-so doesn’t like me? And so on…

Yet, to make sure that my reality isn’t skewed I check with people I know. I ask, am I that bad? The responses I receive are: you are a nice person, you are good, you are kind, you are sweet, you are compassionate.

That’s when it occurs to me as to why I get mad. I know it’s not my imagination. I know when I’ve heard nasty little comments, little digs, malicious insults, negative pessimistic stories that just happen to match my personal situations, and the constant attempt to chip away at my self-worth and self-esteem.

I understand that it’s not the real deal type of abuse, but do I even need to hear it? This kind of language is programming. Programming which leaves me to second guess myself too often, to leave me preoccupied with things that – while they matter – take up too much effort and energy. I am forced to act under a false doctrine: I am not worthy. I get angry, because I don’t want the inner critic to take over and make me live a life less worthy of living.

I am content with myself, with the way I am. I can do little to change it. I am the way I am. I try to be respectful of everyone; I can do no more or less.

Yet, for my mental health and well being, there are some family members that I need to pull up anchor and drift away from.


Weight Loss: Staying on Course

In my daily journal (spiral notebook), I enter the following:

  1. date of entry
  2. weight for that morning, before I eat
  3. exercise conducted

    – period of time of exercise
    – estimate of calories burned

  4. calories to eat for the day
  5. – every meal I eat is subtracted from this total.

There you have it. Everyday, I keep track of: how much I weight, how much I exercise, calories burned and how much I will eat for the day.

It helps a whole lot.

Estimates for calories burned, I get from this site: freedieting.com, and for calories in food: calorie-count.com.


Personal Goals: Starting All Over Again

I’m resetting the clock on my goals. I try to carry them out roughly every 3 or 6 months at a time. I don’t wait to make a New Year’s Eve resolution, I do this all the time.

Have I succeeded? In some areas, I’ve made progress. It is easier to change the external with regards to weight, hair length, skin, etc. than the internal.

My hair is still heading in a nice direction. I’m cutting off an inch, or more, at the end of October. On the full moon? Perhaps. It’s knotty at the ends, and I want to get the comb through it easier.

Next Goal:
I want to lose another 10-15 lbs. I won’t aim higher, because it takes a very long time for me to lose even a pound. I lose roughly 2-4 lbs a month, if I don’t slack off.

As for my hair, my goal is for it to reach 3-6 inches past the armpit. If I can wear it 2-4 inches past the shoulders, even with shrinkage, I’ll be pleased.

The 2 Most Difficult Goals
These long standing goals relate to dealing with people. I’m the introverted, shy, retiring, quiet type. Everything that I read, hear, and know about achieving these last 2 goals cannot be achieved without constant and continuous contact with people.

The Introvert’s Dilemma
These are very rough tasks to ask of an Introvert. It’s been a struggle all my life, and I have to continue to deal with it. There are so many things I could have accomplished by now if it wasn’t for my Introversion.

It’s like going through life covered in several suffocating veils. I spend half my time trying to yank these things off, while trying not to enjoy the cover, solitude, and isolation they provide.

No Time to Waste
It’s very very important for me to achieve these last 2 goals. To be frank, these are life changing and necessary.

So, from now until the end of the year, or the beginning of the new year, I’ve got major goals to continue carrying out.