Black Women: When All Else Fails In Heterosexual Relationships, Become A

Did I get your attention?

I’m warning those of you who are very tender and sensitive to be aware that the next few paragraphs will be no-holds barred, non-politically correct, coming from my perspective and experiences (off-line). So, this isn’t something I gleaned from reading anyone’s comments, blogs, Facebook profiles, or having a third eye and happen to be talking about anyone’s intimate life or relationships from the psychic front.

In other words, don’t take what I say personally – if it happens to sound like you – well, that’s a weird coincidence, but I’m not going to apologize for you taking offense. And I’ll remind people who love to be offended for the sake of being offended: gnash your teeth, but keep it moving if you don’t like what I write, or run off on your little hooves to set up your own blog.

I’ve noticed that the words homosexual and lesbian tends to set off the easily offended brigades. Like just the mere mention of these words are breaking some kind of human rights accord. Being pro-homosexual or pro-lesbian doesn’t make anyone more moral, more just, or saintly than anyone else. I understand that they are the latest victim cause célèbre. I’ve rarely written about the topic, not out of intimidation, but because I had nothing to say about it.

Okay, so, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…. Let’s begin.

Yay. They Are Here to Stay. So?

I think ever since the AIDS epidemic, homosexuals have jumped into the mainstream media and they haven’t gone away since. The topic is ever more present today, since the Supreme Court will make some kind of ruling where they are likely to turn 5000 plus years of normalcy on its head, redefine marriage, because everybody needs special entitlements, otherwise life isn’t fair, and declare it some kind of ultra awesome Civil Rights / Human Rights win. That, of course, will yield yet another round of endless bizarre social battles for those suffering from ennui, in their eternal drive to fight endlessly about nothing.

Because a culture that has all that it needs, is bound to chase after all its wanton, selfish, hedonistic short-term needs to the detriment of everything else.

So, let’s say that it does happen, eventually this, or a future, Supreme Court discovers invisible text in the US Constitution allowing them to redefine marriage. Well, they’ve made up stuff before. They are supreme at pulling illogical decisions out of their asses. This will mean a government body has ruled that they are the sole authority, above nature, society, morality, religion, science and common sense as to what constitutes a natural family structure. At that point, I’d recommend the government get out of the marriage and family structure redefining business altogether.

Anything Goes: Then It Is All Gone

‘Cause isn’t the eventual goal to allow ANY two consenting adults to get hitched – bar none? They are “in love” after all. This whole thing is about hurt feelings: mean people not letting homosexuals and lesbians redefine the natural and normal family structure. In instituting the redefinition of marriage, they get to benefit from legally binding contracts in one fell swoop, reap all those sweeeeet, sweeeet government entitlements and somehow magically change the fact it is a sexual minority and not the norm.

Then you must ask yourself, why not other alternative relationships be allowed to marry too? Why not two non-procreative siblings? Why even draw the line at two people? I await the first fillings from a bi-sexual woman suing to marry a man and a woman, because she loves them both equally. And what right does the government have to limit her love to one person?

See where this goes?

What’s so interesting about the whole thing is that the same people who demanded that the government stay out of their bedrooms, uteruses, rectums and other bodily orifices are inviting the feds back in to redefine, regulate, register and recognize the whole kit and kaboodle.

Wonders never cease.

The Heterosexual Tribe: It’s Not Going Anywhere Either. See How This Game Works?

I am deliberately using the words norm, normal and natural. Being heterosexual is the norm. It is what most people are, despite what the mainstream media wants you to believe. That’s just the way things are. All of us who were conceived naturally wouldn’t be here if your father wasn’t interested in your mother and vice verse. If people want to believe 25%-45% of the population has sex, or really really wants to have sex, with the same gender – more power to them. The way it gets promoted, I wouldn’t be surprised when the day comes that the mainstream media reports this in their latest poll: like it’s a goal that young people need to strive towards.

Now, I’m not for demonizing anyone’s inherent sex drives. That’s the way people are. I do, however, find myself annoyed with the 24/7 endless promotion of it. There are a lot of shows where if there is a whiff of preachy, “They are so awesome, don’t we all wish we were them?” When that happens, I’m out. I’m gone. There are shows that have ’em and treat ’em like it’s no big deal. I can watch that.

When I feel like I’m getting a religious indoctrination message from the 24/7 alternative lifestyle crowd, I’m not coming back to the program. But it has gotten so bad I wish there was a TV code just like there is with violence.

Yeah, I went there, because sometimes I have my fill of sexual content on TV too.

Crotch Watching Amigas

During my early years when I was a frequent passenger on public transit, me and my girlfriends would take a keen interest in guessing male organ size based on the bulges presented before us.

Nothing makes a trip so fascinating as to wonder: is it a sock or is he really that big?

The Wishful Thinkers Club

Growing up, I didn’t know EXACTLY what a lesbian or homosexual was. I never had much exposure to the term or what it entailed.

My guess is that in this day and age, 4 year olds get to hear about it day and day out before they even learn to read. This probably explains why only 20% of high school graduates are functionally literate. Progress.

I didn’t receive full disclosure about this stuff, until I attended college and was exposed to what I’d now call the “black lesbian recruitment drive”.

And you go, Say what?

I was mostly oblivious to what was going on, but what I didn’t know was that the school was well-known (among the very street wise, which I was not) for having a large body of homosexuals and lesbians.

I had other issues with the school – it being overpriced was one of them, it was in a really bad location, the fake snobs (from the hood and suburbs) were annoying, but if I had a choice to attend the school again, I would never darken any of their doorways. I didn’t feel it was worth the price tag or hassle.

So, what was the recruitment drive like?

You’re hanging out with your girls, and one of them cannot keep her hands to herself. You gently remove the hands, and you think nothing of it.

You’re talking about guys, and one of them constantly and coyly talks about that there’s something about her that doesn’t work with her male dates. You shrug, figuring she hasn’t met Mr. Right or maybe school and work interferes with the relationships.

You’re looking for school clubs to join. Boldly, she says, “Hey, maybe you want to try that one.” She’s pointing at the, “Gladly having Lettuce Tomato and Bacon” table.

I figure she’s joking, “Naw, I don’t have anything in common with them.”

And she says, “Try it. You might like it.” I’m confused at this point, “Try what? I don’t see the point. It’s not my thing.” She drops it.

Eventually, you drift apart as friends, because not only are you too busy to hang out anymore, she’s joined the “Arts Club” where she claims, “I’m meeting a lot of people like myself.” I say, “That’s great. It suits you, because you’re really friendly and outgoing, right?” She looks at me real hard and says dryly, “Yeah, something like that.”

My Last Bit of Conjecture

Over the years, I’ve a met a few more black women like my college friend. There is a difference between those who obviously know what they are, and I find them refreshing because they leave me alone, and those who spend all their time playing stupid “wishful thinking games”. Maybe they are unable to be honest with themselves. I was once introduced to someone, because since I was too “picky”, that must mean I had to be into women.

I’m still slow when I meet black women who like to hint, hint, hint as to what they are. Frankly, I’m not thinking about it. It’s not what concerns me. If you’re interested in other women, that’s okay. But don’t play that game with me, that if I’m not telling you my personal business or intimate relationships that makes me a recruitment target.

I’ve heard my share of nonsense from black women who rationalize what makes one a lesbian, and if you look at this list, that’d be all of us.
– if she’s an ambitious hard-working career woman.
– if she wears her hair natural.
– if she’s overweight.
– if she doesn’t go to the job telling everybody about her personal intimate business.
– if she’s only into black guys, if that doesn’t work out OTHER black women are an option. Hey, maybe she just needs to be introduced to another chick like herself.
– if she has a high IQ (I kid you not).
– if she tries it she might like it, and so on.

And in situations where I meet someone from the “wishful thinking club”, coming at me with the above checklist, then I am the one who’s offended. ‘Cause I look at it this way, if I was one, I wouldn’t hide it. So, they in essence, are pretending that I’m hiding in some closet with them.

The gist I’ve gotten over the years – and this is from other black women – since I am a black woman who knows her own mind, somehow I must be able, ready and willing to move onto black women if it doesn’t work out with black men.

It nevers occurs to these people, that if a woman likes MEN, she’s gonna take them in all colors, not switch genders just to keep it within the same RACE.

I am a member of the heterosexual tribe. Always have been, always will be.

~~~

Last stop

And if anyone is going to post a comment, please stay on topic. Anything off-topic might be removed.

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What Kind of Black Woman Are You?

I thoroughly enjoyed the following comment by Stacey, so I decided to make it a post.

By the way, the post title is a general question, not aimed specifically at Stacey.

The following continues the discussion originating in the Black Actress Review: Just Wright – Big Boned Gurl Gets Good Guy Balla post.

Stacey says:

Ok, I must respectfully disagree with all the pro-Morgan comments here. Just came across this forum and had to respond, seeing as how Just Wright is one of my favorite movies of all time. Morgan was a gold-digger all the through. I just don’t see why she should be praised. I have no respect for women like that. LESLIE is the one who deserves a standing ovation. She worked very hard to achieve her goals–even bought her own house (on her OWN) Leslie had a heart-of-gold. She cared about all the people around her. She didn’t have any ulterior motives. Leslie was genuine, REAL. And that’s why I rooted for her from beginning to end.

I can relate so much more to Leslie than Morgan. Because I don’t feel that I need to bat my eyelashes and manipulate a man to get ahead. Just like Leslie, I want to be able to pay my own way.

I LOVE the way the movie ended. Scott finally opened his yes and realized that Leslie’s “The One”. And I love that Leslie didn’t have to change who she was. I love that she was still wearing her favorite Nets jersey at the end. She didn’t have to convert to some shallow glamour-girl to get her dream-guy. Leslie was fine just the way she was–there was no need for her to change. One of my fav moments of the movie: Scott gazing at Leslie when they were both sitting at the piano(he so wanted to kiss her)…and she was in her robe, without an ounce of make-up on—LOVE it!

And I gotta admit that I actually gained some respect for Morgan in the end(she realized that Scott was in love with Leslie and told him where to find her) Morgan could’ve schemed and plotted (although, it wouldn’t have done any good because Scott was already on his way to find Leslie–he even told Morgan, “I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna work)

Leslie was beautiful on the inside AND the outside. She didn’t care about Scott’s fame and fortune. She was up at 3 in the morn, giving him a pep-talk because she truly cared. The movie ended just as it should have: two people coming together for the right reason–because they truly love and respect each other, because they’re meant to be together. From their very first scene, it was obvious to me that Scott & Leslie belong together. They just fit together so perfectly. And this movie remains one of my all-time fav
rom-coms. KUDOS to Queen Latifah & Common!

 

flowers_can

GoldenAh:

Hello, Stacey. I liked your comment. You’ve given me so much to work with, but I’ll only bite a few portions.

I see what you mean, but this was about a movie that took what was unrealistic and made it into an interesting fairy tale. We were discussing how reality would have played out, and in each and every case Morgan would be the winner.

Morgan is Old School

I really believe black women hear such ridiculous, hypocritical, contradictory nonsense from black males they aren’t sure what they want to be.

Morgan is not a gold digger. There’s no reason to resent, dislike or be angry with her. She’s a realist. Her behavior was very feminine, self-assured, flirty, alluring and mysterious. She knew how to make (and keep) a man interested. That’s very normal and healthy. It is not manipulating a man!!! It is just a subtle way of saying, “Hey, I like you, you can chase me if you want.”

She was what most women were at one time – looking for a husband with the financial means to support his family. I know that’s changed in these times. Frankly, I look at her as being old fashioned. She was doing something that worked in an era where people understood social cues and signals.

Today, everybody seems rather lost about how to behave, even in showing basic manners. We’re lucky if we find a guy who doesn’t insist we pay for the meal, and simply wants to go Dutch. The meal tastes better if from jump he wants to pay and leaves a decent tip for the server. He looks like a good guy if he wants to take care of you. That’s a winner. That’s the best feeling in the world.

Leslie is What’s Up Now With Black Women

As for the “hardworking modern woman” character, Leslie is doing what she has to do. Like most of us, paying our own way is the default mode of life regardless. And that’s fine. We live in an age where it does make sense to have your stuff. I wouldn’t deny that.

However, even if you combined Morgan and Leslie into one woman, I would prefer that Scott dealt with Morgan’s personality and looks, while Leslie’s characteristics stayed (mostly) hidden.

brokenheart

The Ethical Flaw and Self-Harm

The problem with Leslie is that she was an employee whose job it was to look after Scott. I know if he was a white / Asian / Latino guy, you’d probably see immediately the problem with her cooking, cleaning and sexing him while he’s emotionally unavailable, on the rebound (still in love with Morgan), and working hard to do her job in making him physically / mentally fit to return to work. She may have fallen in love with Scott, but she endangered herself professionally and emotionally. She had a serious lapse of ethics and muddled her own waters while on the job.

Plus, Scott’s relationship with Morgan hadn’t achieved a clean break. They were still at an impasse. Breaking up and constantly making up is normal. There are plenty of couples who even after they divorce still find themselves having sex, cohabiting and doing other things because they haven’t really untied all the strings.

Leslie was setting herself up for some serious hurt while allowing herself to be the in between chick. She was the third wheel. She was the one who made herself available during a time she should have kept some distance from Scott.

In reality, she could be viewed as the man-stealing backstabber.

What If The Situation Was Reversed?

Just Wright  is clever in making Leslie the underdog, and she fits the type of woman who’s relaxed in her own skin. That’s cool.

But let’s switch it up. Imagine her as a guy who makes no effort to bathe, brush his hair / teeth, or groom himself even in your presence when he’s “relaxed”. Would you really find him attractive?

If he was fat, out-of-shape, a bit abrasive, has limited resources, and you were missing your ex-boo who’s smoking hot, though annoying, would you really find him attractive? Would you really consider him for a minute?

If you hired a guy to take care of your household chores, cook, clean or do something necessary and crucial for you, would you consider sleeping with him even though you were still thinking of your smoking hot ex?

We certainly love our double-standards. He should be tall, handsome, fit, rich and a balla. While he should be happy with our hefty, gaudy, rough, unfeminine appearance, because we’re keeping it real, and he’ll love us since we are the biggest fan of his sport. Considering that if he’s a baller, everybody would be a fan. He’d be swollen headed and expect the adoration.

In a sense, that entire angle is a wash.

What Kind of Black Woman?

You know why Morgan is very feminine? Obviously, she’s not working. And whether her character is likable or not, her decision to find a husband is supported by her family. She has time to devote to her looks. She’s making it clear to the men she’s attracting that her looks are a symbol of self-love. She also wants the man to admire the effort she makes in looking good, not just for herself, but for him.

Trying to look attractive for a man is not a crying shame. It is not bad. It is part of the mating dance. I believe a woman can be sexy in a hoody, but it depends on how she wants to wear it. But she has to be comfortable in her own skin.

Leslie is to be applauded for being a “worker”, but that doesn’t entitle her to a wealthy, handsome, tall man as a reward for “good behavior.” It doesn’t work in real life either.

What Men Are Really Like

Most normal, well functioning guys aren’t going to be dating your wallet, house, car, degrees or status. A good number will resent hearing anything about your “stuff” even if he has more than what you have.

For all we know, Morgan has stuff, but she has the good sense to let herself be the prize Scott has to attain.

And that’s the one thing this movie doesn’t really inform us of. Men are predatory animals, and in this story for the romantic angle, a good thing, of course. When Scott, as the wealthy balla, decides to pursue Morgan, he’s not going for her monetary assets or status – he sees someone who interests him, raises his curiosity, likely sexually arouses him and makes him want to PURSUE her.

That’s why we admired Morgan, she understood the game and played it well. Unfortunately, the movie leaves out that entire courtship, which is a shame.

Reality Checks

We understand that Leslie was the movie’s Cinderella, but as stated before, she did it at the wrong time and wrong place, which was not realistic at all.

While it was a fun movie, I was uncomfortable with what it was teaching black women. We have enough stories (from real life)  where the women do it all for the men and end up heart and wallet broken, because they continue to see Morgan as a negative and Leslie as a positive.

That perspective is too skewed and needs to be balanced. It’s okay to be Morgan on the outside and Leslie on the inside, but not to give it all up and away like it’s nothing. That’s been done too many times before.

It’s one thing to be ready to love a man, but a woman has to have him earn it, otherwise he wont think much of it and treat it as such. And don’t we see to much of that already?

And Leslie can shower Scott with all the cooking, sexing, love and affection after he puts a ring on it. 😀

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