I Hurt This Black Male’s Feelings. Weep For Him.

56 Responses to “I Hurt This Black Male’s Feelings. Weep For Him.”

1. Obsidian
   May 7th, 2011 @ 2:00 PM

   Hi Betty,
   You might be interested in the following article I wrote sometime back:

   [Nope, no linky-linky here.]

   Check it out and holla back

   O.

   GoldenAh: Nope. I’m not interested. I’m feeling rather selfish. So no traffic or linky-linky from me to you. Plus, I don’t feel like reading white text on black background … it irritates me.

   At the end of the day, whether black women are in interracial relationships (or not) has nothing to do with you. You keep your wishlist to yourself, ’cause I could easily cite 100 reasons why no one really wants a black male.

   Y’all need to evaluate why you don’t measure up to non-black men, and look at improving yourselves. Remember that other men are your competition, not black women.

   And some of you black males need to leave black women alone, okay? Since the majority of y’all aren’t coming from a place of actual respect, concern or consideration.

   Have a good day, Sir.

2. Sheila
   May 7th, 2011 @ 2:35 PM

   You go girl. Keep up the excellent work on your blog and oh yea, I will support you in talk and in dollars.
   Thank you for the straightforwardness.

   GoldenAh: Thank you so much for your support, Sheila. I really appreciate it. I don’t see myself as being much of a “rough rider”, but some folks are so hard headed, you know?

   Take care.

3. LorMarie
   May 7th, 2011 @ 8:44 PM

   This is so hilarious. Black males who attempt to guilt trip us are truly chasing a wild goose. Get over it. There are black women out there who don’t care about the black male collective. I surely don’t. Again, get over it and focus on bw who do care.

   GoldenAh: It’s the same thing over and over again with these critters. If they don’t care about black women with non-black men, or a bit of criticism, why all the squealing, why all the blog posts, why all the damn drama about it?

   We’re insulted every day and told to “buck up” or change. Well, they better put on the big boy pants and deal with it. There are no surrogate Mommies here.

   Nice to hear from you, LorMarie.

4. L, Higgin
   May 8th, 2011 @ 1:18 AM

   Betty you rock, You cut him down to size. That shit will not try that scam again.

   GoldenAh: Thanks, L, Higgin.

5. SouthlandDiva
   May 8th, 2011 @ 11:38 AM

   It is passing strange how some black men will come to a BWE blog and declare how ‘kool’ they are with bw expanding their relationship options only to turn around and bash the blog host. I know most blog readers recognize the trollish behavior for what it is. I also hope they recognize that though the invective is supposedly directed at you (the blog host), this diatribe is actually targeting all bw who dare to step outside of what the so-called black community says is proper thought/behavior.

   Black men assume when black women date non-bm that they hate bm. This response is understandable since it takes the feelings of rejections, inadequacy and lack of control they experience and makes his feelings the fault of the woman. It is the fault of some random black woman he does not know and who is dating a non-bm that he feels badly about himself. It’s the same response some black women used to feel when bm started dating non-bw.

   This response, whether by bm or bw, is a waste of time and energy. If you get angry at someone for choosing whoever they chose as a life partner the anger or jealously or envy impoverishes you.

   Ladies, our focus must be on who/what we can control. Namely ourselves. Rather than throw your energy and attention down the cosmic black hole of negativity, why not marshal that energy and create positivity in your own life?

   Peace

   GoldenAh: You’re walking around, window shopping, chilling, and the person behind you keeps screaming at you, “Stop following me!” Hilarious and craaaazzzzeeee.

   Yeah, let’s not get upset. We can let “it” go and relax, ’cause we’re in the winning position.

   You put the icing on the cake with your comment, SouthlandDiva. Thanks.

6. Zabeth
   May 8th, 2011 @ 3:26 PM

   I couldn’t get past all of his spelling and grammatical errors. Just couldn’t.

   GoldenAh: LOL. That spewed straight from his mind.

7. Patricia Kayden
   May 8th, 2011 @ 3:37 PM

   Was this an actual email? Seems so bizarre — with all the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Feel sorry for “the brother”. Needs to take a writing course and learn how to communicate in standard English.

   You’re very good to actually have read through the entire email and composed a response. I would have just deleted it since my brain can’t read Englishese.

   Good luck to the Brian M’s of the world. Many Black women are moving on and marrying whoever they please. We’re not asking for permission from Black men to do what’s in our own interest.

   GoldenAh: This was from another thread. I’ve decided to use it as “Exhibit A” of this particular mindset…. I get these brain fart comments every once in a while and usually mark ‘em as spam.

   It’s interesting how much the actions of a stranger (bw they don’t know) could have so much power over these negroes. I just want the ladies to keep it in mind, but NOT TO FEAR IT, or make them pause in their “pursuit of happiness”. ‘Cause you know how much they love to tell us how much no man finds us attractive, and they don’t want us, but somehow wont go away and leave us alone.

   Your comment had me rolling, Patricia.

8. Beverly
   May 8th, 2011 @ 5:49 PM

   Stop judging us, it’s making us feel bad!

   Stop comparing us to other men, it’s not fair!

   Stop noticing our continued and clear-cut failure as men, let’s talk about institutional racism instead!

   Hahahahahahahahahahahahah!

   Losers.

   GoldenAh: LOL. That’s it in a nutshell.

9. vonnie
   May 8th, 2011 @ 8:00 PM

   is english NOT his first language? seriously, that was painful to read. let’s see here:

   “I don’t ANY man should ask another for advise on how to treat 1″ that is SUCH a fatherless notion. Most men are groomed by other men on how to be a man and do things. Why wouldn’t someone need mentoring in how to date/marry as well? That’s the damn problem! Maybe more of ya’ll SHOULD ask some damn questions.

   [GoldenAh: You've made an excellent point. A lot of these black males do NOT have a father to teach 'em how to be a man. It's a continuing example of the mess they've made of the "black community". By abandoning their sons they've stunted and damaged them.]

   “You act like white don’t do nothing wrong and that they are perfect.” everyone acts like by saying ‘date out, consider other options, vet based on character and not color’ that it means we all think that white men are saviors. that is NOT the message here for anyone who can read more than at a surface/base level.

   “It cracks me up that you that white are more committed to marriage and not ending up in divorce cout. I’ve seen more divorces from white couples then I do most black couples.” maybe from pure numbers? way more white guys marry than black dudes, so if 10000 white men are marrying versus 10 black dudes, DUH you’d see more divorces from white couples. The stats with black women/white men, however, is the strongest and this is from family stats sites: http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2009/10/moving-on-do-bwwm-marriages-last-and-last-yes-herere-the-research-findings.html

   “White husband/Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples” “Black women and White men who choose to intermarry may be selective of an especially high degree of commitment to their relationship that reduces the potential for divorce.“”

   those are stats from the legit site/study so yeah. Most black women who go into interracial relationships are educated and going in with their eyes wide open, so it’s more likely to work than just some willy nilly affair.

   “stop judging stop judging”…my god, stop WHINING! Man up and meet the criteria of everyone else and stop expecting to be graded on a damn curve/scale. it’s really played out.

   GoldenAh: Awesome. Right on, Vonnie. Drop those stats, girl. School ‘em on the facts….

   BTW, Happy (belated) Birthday!

10. Sophisticatedblkwoman
    May 8th, 2011 @ 10:26 PM

    Well said Golden, and a child or should I say baby boy he is indeed. This sista is 100% DIVESTED you won’t catch me marching for these defeated fools.

    GoldenAh: I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s over 30. Scary.

11. Sophisticatedblkwoman
    May 8th, 2011 @ 10:31 PM

    “You go girl. Keep up the excellent work on your blog and oh yea, I will support you in talk and in dollars.
    Thank you for the straightforwardness.”

    I co-sign

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your support, Sophisticatedblkwoman. It is appreciated.

12. Queen
    May 9th, 2011 @ 12:56 AM

    Wow, the bad spelling makes it very hard to take him seriuosly. BM call us “bitter” when we decide once and for all we are not going to tolerate poor behavior from them, mistratement, and abuse from them. when we decide we deserve better and go after it we are sell outs. If they really believe we are the prize then they would treat us accordingly and not behave with this sense of entitlement that becasue we are black, so are they and therefore they have first dibs on us and can treat us any way they please and that we will wait around for more of the same crap becasue loyalty to the “race” is the most important issue. ***NOT***!!!

    GoldenAh: Those thoughts are a mess of contradictions aren’t they? But that one constant is the entitlement mentality. They really believe they are the most important thing in our world, but like you said, “Not.”

    Great to hear from you, Queen.

13. MsMellody
    May 9th, 2011 @ 9:18 AM

    Betty you said it all for me with this response….”my god, stop WHINING! Man up and meet the criteria of everyone else and stop expecting to be graded on a damn curve/scale. it’s really played out.”

    Just plain ol thank you!!!!!!!

    I am just about speechless about this kind of troll thinking and behavior from this wanting to be graded on a curve fool.

    Keep it moving ladies and thanks for this quick glimpse into this “baby boy’s” mind! It serves as an excellent teaching tool and reminder.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, but that comment was by Vonnie. Gotta give credit where credit is due. The way I formatted the comments made it look like I said it. Sorry.

    The sentiment is appreciated though!!

14. Yellow Moon
    May 9th, 2011 @ 11:42 AM

    Beverly wrote:

    “Stop noticing our continued and clear-cut failure as men, let’s talk about institutional racism instead!”

    I almost spit out my tuna salad sandwich when I read this, because this actually happened to me at a community meeting a few years ago. When I was in the last throes of being a sista soldier, I was at a community center for a meeting about setting up a Neighborhood Watch commitee because the neighborhood in DC where I lived was being plagued by petty crime, but mostly the problem was that women were getting accosted and groped and sexually assaulted by men and teenage boys in the neighborhood.

    The meeting kicks off, and there were about 30 women and teenage girls there, and four men, one of which was a local pastor, and the other was a DC Community Outreach person. Very quickly the meeting turns into women giving their testimonials about being sexually assaulted in some manner, and the other women there vocalizing their assent with the speaker, engaging in sort of a call and response thing. But, while this is going on, a strong undercurrent of resentment and anger is being voiced at the men of the community as to why they don’t stop this, where are they tonight, etc. This goes on for about an hour, and now the women are really heaping insults on the men in the neighborhood.

    Suddenly, one of the four men there stands up, and says, “You know we can’t get no justice until we get rid of racism in this country! Let’s talk about why all young men are doing these things and why all of our young men are in prison! The deck is stacked against the black man when he is born, and, until we fix that, there ain’t no moving forward!”

    Applause, then whooping and hollering, and then everyone wanted to talk at once, to tell their story about racism and how it has held them back.

    I was flabbergasted. With a single sidestep, one black male was able to “change the subject”, take the heat off of the systemic failures of the black men of that neighborhood, and get all of these black women focused on a problem that may never be fully solved, AND, set up the immediate problem being discussed (the sexual assualt of black women by black men) as being only possible to solve after the issue of institutional racism is banished forever.

    Which, of course, may never happen.

    He was able to put a timeline of “indefinite” on when the immediate problem might be solved, as well as squelch any more discussion about it, since there was obviously no point in talking about the failures of black men in the neighborhood until the over-arching issue of racism was resolved.

    Pretty slick, huh?

    And all of those sisters fell right in line, and started voicing those sista soldier lines, that they have learned so well through the years.

    The meeting broke up soon afterward, nothing was done, but everyone was very pumped up about “the man”, and over a year later, the community outreach person finally got a couple of young guys to say that they would act as sort of a cut-rate version of the Guardian Angels, but only if they got berets, jackets and a meal allowance, and there was no money for that, so nothing was done. Women just tried to not go out at night, or with a couple of male escorts if they had to go out at night.

    And then I moved away and stopped being a sista soldier.

    GoldenAh: Outstanding tale of bamboozling. I love this story, Yellow Moon. All cylinders are firing here.

    You know what too? We are sophisticated enough to recognize misogyny and racism in equal measure. We do not have to subordinate our needs to that of black males. We don’t have to play that game anymore. That’s what these guys don’t want to hear. Too bad. Their loss.

15. Sherry
    May 9th, 2011 @ 12:55 PM

    Thanks for that story Miss Yellow Moon. We black women need to set boundaries, and enforce them with black men. If I accept the notion that racism makes black men treat me bad, then I need to see that what I’ve signed up for is a LIFETIME of poor treatment, because racism will not go away in my lifetime.

    GoldenAh: Men are funny creatures. They can love you to death, and not be too crazy about members of our “race”. The way I look at it, as long as he loves me, and is respectful to people in general, he doesn’t have to be enamored of black men. Let the racism crutch be their problem, we have our own.

16. Lisa
    May 9th, 2011 @ 1:00 PM

    Betty, lovely job shutting down Commenter #1. Won’t even say his name, but he’s a little critter who finds his way to any blog written by a BW that has some criticism of BM. He comes off like a pseudo-intellectual and attempts to “engage” the BW, but only for the point of belittling BW in the process.

    He has been sued for harrassment and even WM are tired of him showing up on unrelated blogs with his attention whorism. They laugh at him and basically ignore his posts because, as they put it, nobody cares what he has to say.

    But on he goes, continuing to egg on BW… and too many choose to engage his behind.

    So glad to see he wasn’t able to “infest” another blog that I really like!

    GoldenAh: He’s a well known troll? Heh. No infestation here. ‘Cause once that cockroach lays its eggs, it takes a lotta borax to get rid of ‘em.

    And I prefer not to go dumpster diving into intellectual garbage.

    Thanks for the heads up, Lisa.

17. Daphne
    May 9th, 2011 @ 5:09 PM

    What everybody else said.

    Oh, and one more thing: Hit dogs will holler.

    GoldenAh: I like that phrase! True! True!

18. Chernicia
    May 10th, 2011 @ 10:39 AM

    Vonnie said:

    ““stop judging stop judging”…my god, stop WHINING! Man up and meet the criteria of everyone else and stop expecting to be graded on a damn curve/scale.”

    I say:

    Yeah, this is it right here. This is the greatest fear of most brothas, that black women will start applying the same standards to them that all other women apply to the rest of the men in the world. Cause if that happens, there are going to be millions of black men left behind, cause they can’t measure up. To use economic terminology, if black men are forced to offer their product (themselves) alongside of new competitors (other races of men) in their formerly-protected market (black women), sales will fall off a damn cliff, because what they offer black women is NOT competitive with the other offerings available in the market. Once the newly-educated consumers (black women) in the formerly captive market are able to comparison-shop among many races of men, it is obvious that black men will lose in that comparison, and black women, like all other women, will consistently choose a product (a man for dating and marriage) that meets their needs and desires in these areas.

    The last thing in the world that most black men want is to lost that huge built-in grading curve regarding men that most black women are only too happy to provide.

    GoldenAh: You offer an excellent example from a shopper’s point of view. Black males love to offer up this myth that our standards are unrealistic, that what we want is impossible, but they are wrong, they’ve been given slack since day one. It’s the long con that we are talking about, learning to recognize and walking away from.

    Thanks for the feedback, Chernicia.

19. Clarice
    May 10th, 2011 @ 7:51 PM

    It has been a long week and I needed a giggle – what little of this I was able to read. The grammar made my head hurt – from laughing. What amazes me is that he actually thinks his opinion matters – I care because why?

    Thank you for the entertainment and education for those that still do not know.

    GoldenAh: Glad you got a laugh out of this Clarice. The edutainment was intended.

20. Bellydancer
    May 11th, 2011 @ 7:26 AM

    Thank you Chernica for that post. I have heard way too many black men patting themsleves on the back and boasting about how black women aren’t fit for marriage and that they are low on the totem pole compared to some women etc… when it is really them that cannot measure up to basic protector and provider levels.
    We have proven that we can deal with daily conflict and strife albeit it hurts us physically and emotionally to do so but still we carry on. They cannot even begin the race without blaming somebody for their problems
    (see Yellow Moon’s post).
    For too long black men whooped and hollared about their so called superior sex skills and size etc…but surprise when you get out into the world you find that all other men can compare or even beat some of these so called ghetto princes at the sex game so NEXT! They also cannot compare financially to what other men do for their families so NEXT! They get divorced more than other groups do whenever they do decide to marry so NEXT! Hell they better watch it before they get kicked out of professional sports if they keep bringing their ghetto behaviour to the game so NEXT!
    So many of them have no product to bring to the table so they wanna jack everybody elses table and claim racism, feminism and all other isms are keeping them down. Chile please they are not fooling anybody but themselves so NEXT!

    GoldenAh: All these black males do is denigrate black women in order to make sure they have no standards. Why? Because like all of you have said, if black women measured them against other men, these guys would have nowhere to go. It’s happening anyway, so they can squeal and holler all they want.

    You raised a lot of great points, Bellydancer. I was thinking how it’s too easy – if we wanted – to come up with a 100 reasons why no one would want a black male. They talk so much mess without really looking at themselves; it’s everybody else’s fault. Like you said, NEXT!

21. Valerie
    May 11th, 2011 @ 9:09 AM

    When I read Brian M post, I got very confused with what he was saying. I find it very strange that you want to bully the blogowner in what she wants to write and her opinions.

    This clearly shows that Brian M is not a real man, he is a woman man, he whines like a female dog. Real men don’t have the time to bully blog owners. They are busy getting on with their lives, looking after their wives and children.

    Brian M has good reason to whine, because his days and the days of his useless friends are numbered. Black women are opening their eyes and their mindsets and are marrying quality men, or whatever race. They are living in different countries, they are leaving their communities, so the various institutions, such as the ‘brothers’, some bad black churches, the bc, the ‘family’ and even some beauty hair shops, can’t live on us anymore, they cannot take up our time or our resources and our finances, so there is the ‘it’s hard for a black man’. Yes it, but their father’s should be in their sons lives, why aren’t they, instead of being absent without live, or if they are there, they have children, their children are living with their mothers and they (the fathers) are living with their mothers.

    Black women are not there to take on the burden of how black men behave, black women are not children, they are big hard black women, they are supporting themselves, they are entitled to date marry who they like. Brian M to seek Jesus.

    GoldenAh: The gibberish from Brian does seem like a plea for help. I hope he finds it. Therapy is worthwhile. More men should try it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

22. Valerie
    May 11th, 2011 @ 9:14 AM

    What I should have said Brian M needs to seek Jesus. Betty continue your good work and God bless you.

    GoldenAh: Thank you so much, Valerie. I really appreciate your support. Take care.

23. Truth P.
    May 11th, 2011 @ 4:42 PM

    WOW excellent post!!!I like the way you handled that.BRAVO!That was nothing more than a silencing tactic he was trying to use to keep black women from telling their truths and to try and save the image of black men.

    I just wrote on this at my little blog @ we-thrive.tumblr.com titled “Why I discuss “them” at all.”

    I think some may find it a little interesting.

    btw:Feel free to delete my post if I violated your comments section by posting my own blog here and my apologies in advance for the offense.

    GoldenAh: You are always welcome to post your links, Truth P. That’s not a problem.

    My Mom reminds me that I can be polite, yet thoroughly mocking when handling trolls. And I enjoy that the ladies here get the humor and enjoy the dialogue.

24. Jess
    May 11th, 2011 @ 7:30 PM

    Elle/Truth P, I tried to leave you a comment on your blog, but it doesn’t look like it went through. I just wanted to say your blog is VERY needed and thank you for being another positive light in this world for bw. You remind me of a young Khadija (sp):)If I had your writing skills and way with words I would have started a blog as well.

    GoldenAh: Her blog is well written, and I like the layout too.

25. Jess
    May 11th, 2011 @ 7:31 PM

    Elle/Truth P, also I wanted to say thank you for not letting trolls onto your blog. Their main goal is to spew poison and devour bw’s souls. I had to stop frequeting one famous BWE/IR blog for this very reason.

    GoldenAh: Just leave a compliment for Truth P. What you decide to do about other bloggers isn’t necessary to mention, Jess.

    Thanks for stopping by.

26. Likewaterforchocolat
    May 12th, 2011 @ 9:03 AM

    tsk tsk tsk…smdh at this dude’s journalistic fail. Did he actually mention that you “expired” him to start his own site? I hope that he re-thinks this decision and spares the blogosphere yet another ignorant black man. Something led me to believe that maybe English wasn’t his first language as well. Glad you posted his nonsense, although it was a hard read.It’s always these types who do nothing to salvage the “so-called” character” of the black man who have the most to say. If there was a perfect example of the bm that doesn’t measure up, this guy fits the bill.

    GoldenAh: LOL. You are so right, Likewaterforchocolat. I can imagine the incoherent mess his website will be. He’s not doing himself or other black men any favors.

    He needs to realize that it is their actions that count, which people see and take note of, not a couple of lines written on a blog.

27. Sheila
    May 12th, 2011 @ 11:10 AM

    The other day my sister, mother and I was having a discussion on how the question has been said on why there are more Bm in jail than in college. So I was really waiting for some good answer only to be confronted with explaination that did not make a bit of sense.
    My sister said that cops plant things on Bm and went on a rant about dirty cops. Still trying to figure that on out.
    My mother said that it was the “system”.
    As many of the other commeters said that BM when placed along side other races of men and I do apologize if I am misquoting anyone do not have the goods.

    Keep up the good work.

    GoldenAh: When black women look at black men from the perspective of a mother, he can do no wrong. Unfortunately, black women don’t always extend that blank check to their daughters: we are responsible for whatever we do. I never understood that.

    A Wall Street titan was recently found guilty of insider trading, and I was struck by his looks: he’s big, he’s literally black-skinned, and he’s not African American. If a guy who looks like him can “make it” by becoming a billionaire, and without resorting to crime later (obviously), any man can succeed, even black males. More need to want to do well….

    I give your sister credit regarding the “system”. I believe today that we have way too many laws, which is turning everyday citizens into criminals, but the result is that we have to be extra vigilant. Yet by the way black males behave, they seem anxiously eager to be captured and owned by the criminal justice system.

    Thank you for your support, Sheila. Have a good one.

28. Likewaterforchocolat
    May 12th, 2011 @ 2:52 PM

    Golden, I agree with your comments about black mothers and how they distribute accountability among the sexes… There is a saying that bw “love their sons and raise their daughters.” Which is absolutely true. A coddled (usually single-mother-parented) childhood is where all the bm sense of entitlement comes from. Since mommy coddled them as boys they then become men who use being a bm whom the system has failed as an excuse to act like a fool or become criminals. And momma will agree with them because “it’s hard being a black man.” If you are a black girl, momma will tell you “If you make your bed hard, you gotta lay in it.”

    GoldenAh: I believe that’s why fathers are important (not to diss any single mothers out there), in order to balance out each parent spoiling the opposite sex child. I understand that women try to give their sons guidance, but there’s a reason why young males join gangs – to give themselves a fatherfigure or male figures to bond with. At a certain age, guys stop listening to their mothers. Girls do too, but Moms decide to be extra-tough on their daughters to keep them in line.

    I like that expression by your Mom. I gotta remember that one.

29. Ink
    May 13th, 2011 @ 12:19 PM

    Black people do NOT raise black boys!

    GoldenAh: Over the years, the two parent home has shrunk. This family structure is now a tiny minority. That’s sad. It’d be fine if it wasn’t a problem, but every study leads back to fatherless homes creating high dropout and incarceration rates, which mostly hurts black males. And I believe society is going through a rapid, bottom scraping, decline of civil gentlemanly, and lady-like, behavior overall. I don’t think this country can last too long with these problems….

    Comment appreciated, Ink.

30. Louise
    May 13th, 2011 @ 1:17 PM

    Yellow Moon wrote:

    “over a year later, the community outreach person finally got a couple of young guys to say that they would act as sort of a cut-rate version of the Guardian Angels, but only if they got berets, jackets and a meal allowance, and there was no money for that, so nothing was done.”

    Now you know those guys were not really interested in helping, they just wanted to strut around in something that resembled a uniform and get a free meal out of it in the bargain. Looking cool in a beret and jacket with their name on it and feeling important, that’s what that was all about. Black men are such peacocks, you know? Anything for a certain look.

    GoldenAh: You just made me think of something. You got all these churches and organizations relying on black women knocking themselves out to clean, cook, serve in the choir, and donate to the max. They should get all of these able-bodied, chronically unemployed and underemployed young men to help out. It would benefit the black males (as future job references) and give the churches the “free” labor they need, instead of getting it from black women.

    Thanks for stopping by, Louise.

31. Ink
    May 13th, 2011 @ 1:54 PM

    My siblings(2 boys) and me come from a two parent home and they are still not raised 25 and 34 still living at home with their parents, doing nothing and acting like lil bitches!

    GoldenAh: LOL. Oh man! Sounds like they got it made. Is there room for me in that house?

32. Sheila
    May 14th, 2011 @ 10:34 AM

    I just want to say put my game plan in action.
    1. Beauty shop visit every week at least.
    2. Look for 2nd and 3rd stream of incomes.
    3. Signing up for classes.

    Thank you for enlighten me about how mothers treat their sons.
    Also if you have a book or newsletter, I will love to show my appreciaotion through words and donations.
    Please let us know when.
    If we can help in any way please let us know

    Thank You,
    Sheila

    GoldenAh: You’re welcome. I congratulate you on having a game plan. Especially on number 2. I am one of those people that unashamedly “loves” money. It mostly gets you what you want, and you don’t have to beg anyone for favors. Although helpful people certainly make life easier too.

    I don’t look for donations. However, if you see anything on my website that does interest you – check it out. This is my sci-fi romance book: Princess and the Emperor. I’m behind in getting the another one published. My bad.

    Have a great day, Sheila. I really enjoy seeing that you want to do well.

33. Sophisticatedblkwoman
    May 14th, 2011 @ 9:55 PM

    ” Princess and the Emperor”, I will have to purchase this on payday, because I love your thought process and I’m sure it’s worth every dime. It would be great if you can post your other works when you get them published.

    GoldenAh: {{wink}} It’s a naughty naughty book, and when I wrote it – I laughed over every page. It’s really hard to write a book. I admire folks who can crank it out.

    I really appreciate that compliment, Sophisticatedblkwoman. Thank you so much.

34. Classic NYer
    May 14th, 2011 @ 10:26 PM

    Ugh… Barely literate people trolling the internet annoy me…

    But that being said, perhaps I can show you another point of view. Take for example my brother, a stand-up individual raised by my mother and father with correct morals, treats his mother and two sisters with respect, graduated with degrees and working on another one, acts sensibly, never been to jail/gotten into drugs/did general dumbass criminal shit/etc… in other words, none of the damaged-beyond-repair symptoms that are often associated with black maleness. It’s a little sad that there are some black women who have become so disillusioned by the bottom-of-the-barrel-negroes that they will look at any black man, even my brother, and all they will see is gangsta rap. I’m not saying, of course, that black women should be required to take a fine-toothed comb to our race before venturing out… I myself am finding happiness right now with a non-black man… but it bothers me when I hear people say things like “I’m done with black men!” and I do hear this sometimes… and it speaks a couple volumes about our own damage when we become so jaded that we can’t see the black men in college because we’re blinded by the black men in jail… I say “to hell with them” if they can’t get their shit together… but what about my brother?

    I think THAT was the point the “gentleman” was trying to make (although he did it in the most asinine possible way).

    GoldenAh: I love this comment, because I’m going to make a post out of it. We’re going to discuss the issue with nice black guys. It’s a fine line to tread so I’m going to think on it before I write more. I’m a bit lazy today.

    I’ll talk more on this later.

    Thanks for the feedback, Classic NYer.

    See post: The Nice Good Black Man. http://bettychambers.com/?p=1380

35. Lisa
    May 15th, 2011 @ 11:58 AM

    Betty, I do look forward to that post (what you alluded to above).

    I don’t know what you’re going to say, but my 2 cents are simply that I wonder why so many black women have to do a “but my black brother/cousin/nephew is great” line, as if the majority of us aren’t aware that there are quality black men out there. Heck, I’ve also got a brother like hers — although he seems to enjoy being single and unattached right now, so him being wonderful isn’t helping any single BW at this juncture! LOL

    Anyway, any smart BW knows that all BM aren’t thugs and losers. But knowing that doesn’t mean that her dating options will magically improve just because she recognizes there are good BM out there.

    To me, the good BM are a non-issue. All that’s important to me are the number of men (of any race) that are seeking to form serious relationships with BW.

    (And you’re welcome for the earlier thanks… that “person” popped up today in another blog I didn’t expect to see him on. Everyone groaned!)

    GoldenAh: You make some great points, Lisa. That new post is close to writing itself, just a few more lines….

    The herpes outbreak showed up somewhere else? Hmm, still trying to sell us on how no man wants us, and how we got no choice but to stick with their mess. Don’t think so. Guess that strategy’s not working.

36. trish
    May 15th, 2011 @ 11:38 PM

    I agree with your comments Lisa. My brother could also be termed a good, even great black man. He is married to a non-black woman. The sheer number of good black men are vastly outnumbered by the many eligible black women. Let us not forget, these very good black men often exercise their right to date non-black women. So a thinking black woman would cast her net where the pickings are not slim. Black women on a whole owe black men nothing unless they are related to the men in someway or the man has proven his worth. I would venture to say that black women owe nothing to any man. She has to vet any that comes her way. No man should get a pass unless he has proven his worth.

    GoldenAh: All we require is common courtesy, no more, no less. We cannot even get that basic type of decency from these guys. Demanding that we acknowledge them whenever and wherever is not an example of it.

    Like Chris Rock would say to guys who do the right thing, “You wanna cookie for that?”

37. Funkystarkitty50
    May 16th, 2011 @ 12:59 AM

    This man is delusional as well as idiotic.Not all BW will fall at a BM’s feet and let her think that he’s her only option. Rather than deal with their own flaws,”Brian” wants to control a BW’s mind and shame them into “Coming Home.” DBRs like this man feel entitled to BW, no matter what.BW are now more independent and educated, being equipped to make more informed life choices.He is threatened and is very defensive b/c the control is slipping away.

    GoldenAh: He should lead by example. If he’s worthwhile, he wouldn’t waste words on blogs. Actions count. If he’s a decent guy, then there’s only one woman in his life he needs to impress, and it’s not his mother. If he was intelligent the rest of the us wouldn’t matter. He’d be concerned about that one woman.

    But these guys want an admiring harem. Sorry. Not anymore. I think we should call these tactics “intellectual cock blocking” – ITC. Too rough, perhaps?

    Thanks for the feedback, Funkystarkitty50. Great to hear from you.

38. temple
    May 17th, 2011 @ 12:06 AM

    Although late to this convo, I want to agree (in part) with Classic NYer–women SHOULD NOT spend inordinate amounts of time & energy picking through ocean-sized garbage dumps searching for a few “good black men.”

    I feel you, CNYer. I have two brothers. I’m raising two sons of one of them. The other is a great man married to a great woman. The reason my one great brother is holy-matrimonied to my great sister-in-law is because she vetted him & all men who expressed interest in her. Yes, many males came to her door & she reviewed them, observed them, judged them by their actions, not their words. Her rule was two weeks, no sex & she rarely saw a guy after 1-2 dates. My brother withstood her requirements (he never worried). I know this because she was and is my friend.

    My point is that [genuine] good men have nothing to fear from being vetted. It’s the damaged who will never pass scrupulous inspection. Which explains why the damaged squeal the loudest & work hard to prevent/push-back against attempts to hold them to any kind of real-world standards. We should just focus on their. . .”swagger?” What the f*ck is swagger? My mortgage company doesn’t know, my child-care provider doesn’t know, the power company doesn’t know, the grocer doesn’t know. So swagger has zero real-world value.

    When I hear a word like gold-digger I smile because, um…yeah, you should allow only 24-carat in your world.

    GoldenAh: Overall, we’re talking to each other as black women about identifying, recognizing, and comparing quality men versus those who declare themselves “good”. Their actions speak for themselves. If these discussions come across as “black male” bashing – so be it. I’m not writing for their consumption.

    Today, too many black males follow the advice of their swaggering abusive thuggish buddies. They want to emulate their “success” with aggressive hoodrats, sista soldier dimwits, and multiple baby mamas. They’re surprised when quality seeking women are adverse to them, because as black men they feel entitled to attention from black women. That’s a different planet they reside on. A lot of us don’t live there.

    Like you said, if he’s genuinely good and worthy, a black man has nothing to “howl” or “squeal” about.

    Thanks for stopping by, Temple. Your comment was on point.

39. Daphne
    May 17th, 2011 @ 1:25 PM

    We should just focus on their. . .”swagger?” What the f*ck is swagger?

    You know, I don’t understand adult women talking about swagger. When I was a teenager, I was into it, but at the end of the day, it’s just posturing. It means nothing.

    These days, when swagger is mentioned, I always picture a pimp in a leisure suit. And it makes me giggle every time.

    GoldenAh: It’s like a skit from In Living Color. I think of that edjumacated guy (Damon Wayans) pontificating from jail every single time. Hilarious.

    http://youtu.be/WrjCX8ude04

    http://youtu.be/Izpa9D7c77U

40. Faith
    May 20th, 2011 @ 5:26 PM

    This is a joke, right? You.Have.Got.To.Be.Kidding.Me

    Incoherent
    Insipid

    But brimming with resentment (jealous of a white man – eh?).

    Contempt for black women spewed all over.

    He can’t spell for &**(( and I was thinking he was writing this from prison. Did you save the IP?

    Oh…and I laughed for a good two minutes…but really we don’t want to be entangled in the psycho-babble of a DBR.

    He’s a walking time-bomb ready to unfurl violence on an unsuspecting black woman — IF he hasn’t already done so.

    GoldenAh: He sees himself as a nice, good black man. He’s the type that will always ask: “Do you date white men?” He can’t help it, and will likely respond in the same petulant nutty way. I’ve experienced it a few times. Very amusing. But it’s always okay for him to date who he wants.

41. rainebeaux
    May 21st, 2011 @ 7:34 PM

    [hey, been a while. this may also apply to the succeeding post.]

    *sigh* I’ve seen tweets in Russian that are more coherent than this.

    I need Brian and all of his ilk to just GTentireFOH and/or have some seats! Even the least educated bw with sense can see through this mess. We don’t care anymore. For a handful of us, believe it or not, these so-called “good bm” don’t exist…at least not in the everyday, practical sense.

    The Man isn’t keeping these BM down–their penchant for partaking in all sorts of dumb sh*t IS. Once they admit/acknowledge/rectify that, their little world (or *ahem* what’s left of it) can and will change for the better. Not that I’m holding my breath or anything, nor should any other bw be doing so….

    Barring that, NOT OUR JOB, NOT OUR PROBLEM.

    GoldenAh: Rainebeaux! {{big hugs}} So great to hear from you again!

    Succinct, hilarious, and to the point. Tell it! Tell it!

42. Dee Dee Russell
    May 31st, 2011 @ 7:31 PM

    GoldenAh you are a GODDESS. You never fail to make me laugh and think real hard! LOVE what you told him from the start.

    GoldenAh: Thank you so much Dee Dee {{blushing}}.

43. xxBronzeGodessxx
    October 4th, 2011 @ 10:37 PM

    Wow, if that answer didn’t say “shut up and go sit down some where…else” than I don’t know what would.
    Great response! Bravo!

    GoldenAh: It was too funny to resist responding.

44. Erica
    November 29th, 2011 @ 6:06 PM

    Ah, the blithering of the idiots. I see it has become a sport.

    I don’t know how anyone can comprehend anything this man has to say when he can’t even communicate properly in the English language. Good Lord, I got a headache from trying to wade through the numerous grammatical, spelling and structural errors. It was like watching a six year-old trying to write prose.

    “it’s the fact you continue to bash on black men like it ain’t nothing like we are all the same no class, no education, no self respect for himself or for his woman I can go on forever”

    Please don’t. I need my brain cells for work in the morning. I love how every other black male is educated, yet he can’t write or speak in complete sentences. BTW, “self-respect for himself” is redundant.

    ” I’ve seen more divorces from white couples then I do most black couples.”

    I’m sure you have, but one must be married before one gets divorced. It is a necessary condition.

    “like I said earlier as long as she is happy then I am kool with it as a matter of fact my childhood classmate who is white is married to a black woman and I treat him no different then anybody else”

    Haha! I love this one! Isn’t this akin to saying, “I’m not racist. I have black friends and I treat them no differently from anyone else.”?

    ” Let me make a website to how much bm needs to be with a wm I bet I will get all kinds of hate mails.”

    If that’s how you roll, I can’t hate. I am a supporter of gay rights, too.

    “plus you expired me to make a website to show not only to america, our black women and society but to ourself that there are some good unicorns”

    What the…? Oh, he means ‘inspired’. Whew, I was beginning to think that my vision was failing me.

    “JUDGING us black males like that it’s not even cute at all it makes you look even dumbe.”

    ROTFL!! This guy makes it too easy–he spelled ‘dumb’ wrong! Hahahaha!

    Thank you for the comedy. I needed that.

    GoldenAh: Hello, Erica! Girl, you are funny. Some of the comedy just writes itself, right?

    Thanks for stopping by. Come back soon.

    P.S. Is that a real domain? I went to check your site and I got an error message. If it’s actual, I hope to see it and maybe add it to my links list.

45. joeclyde
    December 13th, 2011 @ 8:11 AM

    So you are proud to be ignorant? How is this helping black women.

    I’ll be glad when this phase is over. BWE are set to crash and burn. You can’t build out of hate. Look at the Klan.

    I hope you grow up one day.

    GoldenAh: The blog post was about an idiot. And if you identify with him that’s your problem.

    So you’re here, because taking on a Klan site is an actual risk, isn’t it? I mean, they might actually track you down and find your ass, right? ‘Cause with people like you, it’s always easier to come and harass a black woman, right?

    And that’s why we write.

    You wouldn’t be upset by this post, except for the fact that it describes and dismisses you.

    And what’s done here is called “free speech”. Read the Constitution sometime. And don’t forget to have a dictionary within reach, I know you’ll need it.

46. grey eyed girl
    January 6th, 2012 @ 5:52 AM

    Thank goodness I was never a sista solider and realize that knowing that too many black men think their shit don’t stink and their foolish assumption that they are the black woman’s only option and choice for a mate made them unworthy to pay any real attention to, much less anything else…since love, respect and family is out of reach with a black man, it is best to date, love and marry out. I did and I have no regrets whatsoever…

    GoldenAh: Good. I like this. No apologies, no excuses, you know what you want, you know what you like, and there’s no reason to rationalize. You do you. Perfect.

    Some black people seem to think that black women are required to ask permission to have the kind of life they want for themselves. I have a list of goals I want to accomplish. Sometimes I may mention one or two to another black person, and I don’t know where they get this mindset that if I say I’m interested in X, Y, and Z, or I’ll be doing X, Y and Z – they think I’m asking for their permission or they know what’s best for me – ’cause the only thing they can think of is discouragement. I don’t care what other people are accepting, which is usually less, that’s their prerogative. Just like mine is to do what suits me.

    So good for you, Grey Eyed Girl, continue to please yourself. Thanks for stopping by.

47. jubilee
    January 7th, 2012 @ 7:12 PM

    FATHERS are important. period. I’ve even seen nonblack boys being coddled by mom and they end up being passive/aggressive at best. The men of ALL COLORS just seem to not grow up. Black men have it the worst, but like Evia said, a woman needs to VET ALL MEN and find out if they have either dads or men in place of dads in their life. The men you will date or marry will be secure within himself and therefore being able to love you.

    GoldenAh: Just like how mothers never stop “mothering” no matter how old her daughter is, the same can be said for sons who are molded into responsible adults. They will have a father (or father figure) who will talk to them and guide them for as long as they live. Men require good advice and guidance from other men. As for a guy who’s never had it: well it shows up before long. We can see it in all these big baby boys walking about.

    Great observation, Jubilee.

48. jubilee
    January 7th, 2012 @ 7:25 PM

    BTW…joeclyde is soooo weird. the Klan is the least of our worries today. I’ve even met nazi types; the ‘teeth has been pulled out of the lion’ if you know what I mean. Most of these whitetrash types are either on meth or something with all of their ‘hate nigger’ tattoos all over their body and they cant find much work with those.Theyre sooo poor they cant afford the ‘or’; there po’. so black women, were free!! If we want to marry a good black man, fine, but if we marry out, thats ok too.
    BTW, my 23yo cousin got married today, she has a white mother. She is one of those biracial kids who looks very black but with white skin and afro hair. Many people in the family never thought someone would want her cause shes ‘odd’ but her husband who is a youth pastor proposed to her last august and he has a white mom and native american dad. I think if she had to rely on the black community, she would be having problems since she didnt have long straight hair and light brown skin (her skin is like white peoples). The best part of the wedding is that, her husband never kissed her on the lips UNTIL the WEDDING KISS!! This comes out of a book called THE PRINCESS KISS; its written like a fairy tale. Pick it up for the little girls in your family! Its a Christian book and you have to go online or go to a christian bookstore to find it

    GoldenAh: Good for her. Being a quirky black girl is tough. Glad she found someone who respected her enough to wait. Congratulations to your cousin.

    Anyone can watch the evening news, and looking at the horror stories coming from urban environments, could see for themselves that the biggest danger to black women and children are black males. And regular, hardworking black men certainly aren’t safe from the thugs either.

    Your observation that the Klan, wanna-be-Nazis, or angry poor whites types are the least of our problems is right. It’s a favorite tactic – using the white bogeyman – by paranoid and delusional black males trying to keep us penned in. The problem is they have nothing to offer (not protection, not respect, not a responsible law abiding adult, and certainly not comfort), that’s why it doesn’t work anymore.

    Thanks for the comment, Jubilee.

49. Anonymous
    December 14th, 2012 @ 4:36 PM

    bw created the thugs now they disown them

    GoldenAh: Of course, this must be true, because black males aren’t responsible for anything. They are the eternal man-child, not capable of being self-actualizing adults. Therefore, everything is obviously the black woman’s fault.

    Perhaps we could alleviate the problem of the negro thug man-child by only having and raising girls? I won’t suggest you be careful of what you’re actually wishing for, because that would require thinking.

    Thanks for stopping by and contributing nothing.

50. THE TRUTH
    January 15th, 2013 @ 5:59 PM

    You women are pathetic. Black women are the only women desperate enough to actually beg for attention from other races. You women are an embarrassment. If you had some self pride than your lives would be better. I used to be the type of black guy that thought all black women were queens. As a boy I watched tv and would see all these black women publicly bash men and I couldn’t understand why they would do something so evil because I knew that there were still plenty of good black men and children out there. I went out my way to treat black girls and women like queens. But I eventually learned that they only wanted two types of guys. A thug or a flashy baller type guy. Black women like Destiny’s Child influenced millions of black girls to be feminists and to hate black men. If you listen to the lyrics of most of their songs, they’re very superficial(like the modern black woman) and they down talk black men. What you black women fail to realize is that black men have it 20 times harder than you. This makes it more difficult for us to get jobs, etc… You women lie to yourselves and claim to have been loyal. Hah! That’s laughable. Loyalty means being there for someone regardless of whether they’re rich or not. Yall are only about status. Yall don’t believe in working together.

    GoldenAh: Shouldn’t your parasitic leeching funky smelling butt find a job instead of using up resources at the Georgia public library down there in Atlanta? I know you are bitter. The economy must be really bad if you haven’t been able to find a black woman to live and mooch off of. But you see, black women are finally wising up, and other races of women have more sense than to take in a mentally ill freeloader with a criminal record. Right? Right!?!

    Since you dislike black women so much, go on and get yourself a black male boyfriend. I’m sure that wont be new territory for you. Then you guys can bitch, moan and whine together about how life is so much harder for y’all.

    Do yourself some good: GET A LIFE. The free ride is over….

51. Sapphirewolf
    April 13th, 2013 @ 12:37 PM

    I’m surprised at “The Truth”‘s comments. Does he not understand that he lives in a patriarchy. In case he doesn’t understand what that means, a patriarchy is a term that means that society is dominated by men, and men have more power based more off of being men, then it is based on whether nor not they have any specific skill-set.

    Women have been doing what they have needed to in order to survive, which usually includes trading their appearances for stability. If you doubt that “The Truth” then look at the number of commercials directed towards women that advertise with their product or service, they can make women “look younger, look more attractive” etc.

    In more recent times, If I were to hazard a guess from my limited life experience, since the 1990′s society has become more egalitarian where women don’t quite have to be the trophy on display as they once where, since there seems to be more commercials dedicated to men’s looks since then. I say GOOD. Women are now able to be more selective of their partners because they themselves are able to be supportive of themselves.

    Lastly, I have not seen any black woman beg for the attention of a man of any ethnicity, I usually find my head, not so subtly, turning to look at them while I go about my everyday business, just as I would with any woman.

    GoldenAh: I think I’m in love with you, Sapphirewolf. Awesome comment.

52. Sapphirewolf
    April 13th, 2013 @ 5:10 PM

    Thank you for such kind words, but I consider myself to be just an average person. I couldn’t allow the comments made by “The Truth” to go unchallenged.

    I was surprised at the comment saying black women have it 20 times harder than black men. I could have continued on had I felt like it, explaining that the president, being male, was seen as more qualified, than the former secretary of state Mrs. Hillary Clinton. Neither people were my choice of candidates, but what happened, happened, and the nice thing about this country is that we can elect a new representative in a few years.

    GoldenAh: I think you meant that person stating black men having it 20 times harder, but I hear you. My compliment was a bit lavish, because you stated your position (with facts) so succinctly. I like that.

    Cheers.

53. Dreadnaught
    April 15th, 2013 @ 8:24 AM

    Ok so I don’t understand something in the truth’s or brian’s comments.

    Why is there is so much anger towards woman in the post ?

    My whole life, im 35, I have seen black woman potrayed in a negative light on tv,music etc, but most of the time it was black men doing it ?

    I came on this site after someone asked me to check out ( a black guy whose mom got advice Im just going to say this, the woman here are good people. you do not know what your lost till its gone..and we will take them. on behalf of White,Asian, Native, Island and any other men we left out.

    GoldenAh: Their idea of “black community” has always been a one-way street. Use black women, toss them aside, and move onto the next one. If we dare vocalize that we don’t appreciate that abuse, here comes the black-male-hysteria. If you think these comments are off-the-wall-crazy, you should’ve seen the emails / posts I’ve never shared. Some of these guys take the comments black women make very personally, because they are guilty of that behavior. If these were decent men, they would be endeavoring to make the “black community” a better place, but the fact is – they like the mess – it benefits them. Isolated, neglected, emotionally and physically vulnerable women are a rich target for the immoral and depraved.

    Plus, there is a bit of this weird “don’t snitch” and “don’t make the brothas look bad” kind of mindset. It’s ridiculous, since everyone sees what’s going on.

    I was going to ask you how you found my website. Interesting that it was done by word of mouth. I never considered that.

    Dreadnaught, I appreciate you defending the ladies on this website. I like to encourage them to speak their minds, we’ve been silent for too long on some topics. I hope they all are with, or will find, someone who respects and adores them.

    Thank you!

54. Mikey Tandino
    April 15th, 2013 @ 3:46 PM

    “Black women are the only women desperate enough to actually beg for attention from other races. You women are an embarrassment”

    Interesting because isnt that what black males who hate black women and girls are doing?

    See massa I hates the evil darkie wimmins too! Cant you please love and accept me so Ise can be yo equal? DId you notice I treats yo dawta real nice!

    These guys are the typical jokers we talk about on occasion. He says he used to believe BW were queens, I highly doubt that this jackalope ever had any respect or goodwill towards Black women ever.

    I say let them keep it up, let more of them come out the woodworks so more BW can see them and finally leave them all the hell alone. Just, NO!

    GoldenAh: And … there’s no shame in desiring or wanting to be desired by a man, regardless of his complexion, ethnicity, or religion.

55. Dreadnaught
    April 22nd, 2013 @ 2:40 PM

    GoldenAh –

    A good friend of mine found your articles about Black Woman dating White men on his mother’s Ipad, and we got to talking and I asked him if it bother him and his response was as long as he was good to her he would be happy. So I came along and checked it out. I have dated a few black woman in my life, and I have found recently that I get along with black woman more then I do black men. My friend Stephen is a great guy, he is one of the few people I have met who really is a good hearted and kind soul, some of his friends…eh not so much, but he is. His mom is a sweet heart of a woman.

    So figured I would stick around give you ladies some support. Plus I love hearing and seeing people’s views other then my own.

    GoldenAh: And your support is most welcome! It is very gallant and chivalrous of you.

    I’m surprised at myself, that I’m still blogging after all these years. I often wonder where and how I find something to talk about! And there are topics I expect to eventually get around to.

    Yes, without the comments from the ladies (and gents) what’s the point of blogging? I genuinely enjoy the feedback, especially the different perspectives.

56. Dreadnaught
    April 29th, 2013 @ 7:04 AM

    I try.

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