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Super Strong Single Black Woman Syndrome

Posted on | November 17, 2009 | 4 Comments

It is one thing to be proud of the mythical black Momma who purportedly raised her children, half the block, worked three jobs, and is a care taker of a sick mother, siblings, and grandchildren. It is another thing to assume that she is a happy Super Strong Single Black Woman, who seeks more people to take care of.

At some point, she will stop and scream from exhaustion, “I can’t do it anymore!”

People have to stop looking for black women to do all of the care taking. Black women have to stop being willing to take care of everyone, and saying yes to everyone.

You cannot do it all alone. It’s not working.

Soldier mom refuses deployment to care for baby

There’s so much wrong with this Associated Press story, I don’t know where to begin. I’ll just put the excerpts out there.

I’m not condemning the women. I can only wonder why some black women put such enormous burdens on themselves, and other black women, without having a life replete with healthy relationships that are helpful to them.

This story is about Spc. Alexis Hutchinson, 21:

An Army cook and single mom may face criminal charges after she skipped her deployment flight to Afghanistan because, she said, no one was available to care for her infant son while she was overseas.

So, what happened?

[Hutchinson] claims she had no choice but to refuse deployment orders because the only family she had to care for her 10-month-old son – her mother – was overwhelmed by the task, already caring for three other relatives with health problems.

The Army requires all single-parent soldiers to submit a care plan for dependent children before they can deploy to a combat zone.

Let me see if I understand, Hutchinson knew her mother was overburdened – those things don’t happen overnight. She joined the military in 2007. Momma was already occupied and busy. This young woman has a child with the “baby’s father”, and is surprised that when she’s deployed her mother couldn’t handle the infant?

Did she readily assume, like some black women, and other people, that Momma was a Super Strong Single Black Woman? Why couldn’t she ask, or get, the “baby’s father” to look after the child? Why was the only person in the world she could depend on was her already overburdened mother?

Hutchinson is no longer in a relationship with the father [of the child].

Is that how it is today? You cut the guy off, because things don’t work out? Or is it the assumption that once the relationship ends the only thing the guy was good for was sperm donation? Is it really that easy for the guys? Is this how women let themselves and their offspring be treated? Are they ever going to teach their own sons to be respectful and responsible to the mothers of their children?

Hutchinson’s son, Kamani, was placed into custody overnight with a daycare provider on the Army post after she was arrested and jailed briefly, Larson said. Hutchinson’s mother picked up the child a week ago and took him back to her home in California.

Hutchinson’s mother had to come all the way across the country to Savannah, Georgia to pick up Kamani.

Look at the load Hutchinson’s mother, the Super Strong Single Black Woman is carrying. I’m not surprised her daughter thought she could do it all alone, and then some.

She’s already having to care for her ailing mother and sister, as well as a daughter with special needs. She also runs a daycare center at her home, keeping about 14 children during the day.

If Super Strong Single Black Woman collapses from exhaustion, who will be there to take up her burden? Her daughter?

Where are the men in this story? Why are some black women doing it all alone? Why are they teaching their children that men aren’t necessary? Why are they involved with males who wont be men? 

The “Black Community” Doesn’t Exist

I see this as the tip of a “black community” ice berg. Once the Super Strong Single Black Women starts to go the way of the American Passenger Pigeon (it’s extinct), who’s going to be left to take up the burden?

The government cannot raise children, nor take care of any individual, or group of society, only family can. How is the “black community” supposed to function if there’s no one left to take care of it and its offspring?

By the way, my answer isn’t the search for mythical “black love”, it is for Super Strong Single Black Women to put their burdens down and learn to say, “Oh, hell no. I am not doing that ever again.”

Learn to associate, and form reciprocal relationships, with men and women who can help you and you can help them.

Being a black woman doesn’t have to mean a life of suffering from day one.

Let it go. You are allowed. You need no one’s permission to be selfish.

It’s a healthy impulse to look after yourself first, that’s the key to a long happy life.

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4 Responses to “Super Strong Single Black Woman Syndrome”

  1. Lynn
    November 20th, 2009 @ 11:39 AM

    Did this article mention how old her son was? Cause she could have been requested to deploy AFTER she had her son and maybe AFTER her mom had assumed all of her other responsibilities. I give this mother alot of credit. She could have just dumped the kid on her mother anyway and jetted (I'm sure we've heard of such stories – in every race) but instead she took her mothering responsibility seriously and endured arrest so her son could be cared for. Doesn't this speak more of the military that is supposed to be a kind of family that they would throw a single mother in jail rather than let her stay in her country and care for her own flesh and blood instead of go someplace else and neglect her own responsibilities? How is that NOT the headliner? "Mother is Jailed for Leaving War to care for Toddler Son". I think she made the best decision considering all the circumstances that we know of. Interesting thoughts…

    My best, Lynn

  2. GoldenAh
    November 20th, 2009 @ 1:27 PM

    Well, if you actually read the entire post you would see the age of the infant. You would see how the military actually handled her situation.

    This post isn't about the Army.

    I don't give the young woman any credit, or her mother. Doing what-cha-gotta-do isn't romantic or wise.

    This post is about young women having babies with men, and they have weak and nearly non-existent familial and social structure to help care for the child or herself.

    I don't even think she has any business being in the military even before she became a single, unwed mother.

    So, what will happen to her baby if she dies?

    We have to think for ourselves and stop acting as though the government is the be-all, end-all solution to personal problems. It is not.

  3. BWF
    November 20th, 2009 @ 2:16 PM

    I don't give the young woman any credit, or her mother. Doing what-cha-gotta-do isn't romantic or wise. This post is about young women having babies with men, and they have weak and nearly non-existent familial and social structure to help care for the child or herself.

    __________________
    Thank You!! Whether or not they are "together" is irrelavent; the baby's daddy still has an obligation to help raise his son. PERIOD.

    But you know "the community" will accuse the army of being "racist" somehow, so that people wont question the whereabouts of the black male sperm donor. SAD.

    Im not cut out to be a "super strong single black woman". Therefore its best for me to move on.

  4. GoldenAh
    November 20th, 2009 @ 2:59 PM

    The situation is sad; it's heartbreaking.

    Having children isn't something to do lightly. Black women need a lot of support from family, friends, and healthy social networks.

    We need support more than other races of women, especially from responsible and reliable men.

    We cannot do it alone, and we should stop pretending we (or Momma) can.

    Thanks ladies for stopping by, and giving me your feedback!



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