BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


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Ladies, Is He Good Enough For You?

Posted on | September 20, 2011 | 11 Comments

As we often see in the news, or experienced based on observation, plenty of men reach powerful positions, have a lot of responsibilities, and will be totally, absolutely morally deficient. They will be amoral, immoral, with a massive touch of egotism. Oh, they’re Alpha Males alright, better known as dogs, not wolves. Dogs are wonderful animals, but you know I mean the two legged kind. πŸ™‚

Ladies, don’t ever let anyone tell you that “everyone does it” or “all men are the same.” Have some standards. The media likes to plate up degeneracy like it’s the latest delicacy. All you’ll get is food poisoning down the road. Imagine the kind of society they are pushing us towards.

Has shame gone out of style? Do we really want to continue lowering the bar until adults have sexual relations with small children and call that progressiveness? Imagine a society where no one shows impulse control, like everybody driving through red lights, or drunk and high. Would you feel safe?

A society without moral codes and mutual trust yields chaos and bedlam. I’ve lived through two blackout with riots. I’m not exaggerating when I say those aren’t fun experiences. Imagine living with that all the time. And we know there are places around the world where this is the case.

I don’t know what it will take to stave off further decay in this society. We need a society full of strong families with honest people. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. But a world where people relish a world without any sort of decency ethos yields a declining standard of living for everyone. Without stability what we’ll get is … well, think of those Zombie Apocalypse books and movies having an element of truth to them.

We cannot predict the future. We cannot always assume what’s in the hearts of people. But you cannot have a decent life with someone who has no shame, feels no guilt, likes to tell a lot of little lies, stealing, bullying or cutting corners. He’s not worthy of you if he’s freely giving everyone around him the shaft. (Pun intended).

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11 Responses to “Ladies, Is He Good Enough For You?”

  1. bwlivingwell
    September 20th, 2011 @ 5:18 PM

    Has shame gone out of style? Do we really want to continue lowering the bar until adults have sexual relations with small children and call that progressiveness? Imagine a society where no one shows impulse control, like everybody driving through red lights, or drunk and high. Would you feel safe?

    This is a great topic Betty!

    It is so sad to see more women (of all races) allowing themselves to be disrespected.
    I will literally put my fingers in my hear when I start to hear women say things like, “All men cheat. We have to deal with it the best we can.” and other nonsense like that. Of course if you have that mentality with low expectations of men, those are most likely the kind of men you are going to attract

    I just tune it all out and that includes limiting my media consumption. The only channel I watch nowadays is HGTV. Honestly i think that is only network I have watched that shows black women as positive and normal women (and there are so many bw/wm couple featured on the shows as well).

    Anyways you said to “imagine a society where no one shows impulse control“…I think we see many examples of that in black neighborhoods across the U.S. where the bm have no shame in the way they behave towards bw. It’s already happening and the women that can get out should do so ASAP.

    GoldenAh: Men who cheat cannot be doing it with just a couple of single women available to them. It’s usually married men having an affair with a married woman. I’d say it’s a bit different with black folks, because of the low marriages rates. These are people hopping in and out of each other’s beds: guys with 5 baby mommas and she has 4 baby daddys. It’s all the same group of people. The women who endorse it are doing it themselves. That’s why they defend the men so much.

    Yes, you are so right. Ain’t that funny that with real couples, HGTV shows black women in a positive light? Thank you for reminding me of that channel. Oh, I loved it when I had cable. It was sweet to see BW married to men (black or white) who loves them so much, and wants to live in a beautiful house.

    Thanks for your feedback, Bwlivingwell. πŸ™‚

  2. Sophisticatedblkwoman
    September 20th, 2011 @ 9:54 PM

    Always on the money with your awesome thought process πŸ™‚

    GoldenAh: Thank you so much, Sophisticatedblkwoman. πŸ˜€

  3. SouthlandDiva
    September 20th, 2011 @ 10:45 PM

    Zombie Apocalypse!! πŸ™‚

    Yes, I agree women, black women especially, are being brainwashed into believing men of low value are, in fact, objects of desire. Just because a man has high status or a great deal of money does not mean he a man of high value.

    ‘All’ men don’t cheat. The question is, are you willing to do the work to find such a man, even if he does not have the superficial markers the media says we should look for.

    Peace

    GoldenAh: The agenda is always about damaging our innate healthy self-esteem to accept the least worthy man. Other women can have standards, but we’re coached to have an “any man will do” mantra. It’s self-defeating.

    Zombie Apocalypse flicks are a hoot!

    So glad to hear from you, SouthlandDiva. πŸ™‚

  4. Daphne
    September 21st, 2011 @ 12:06 PM

    One of the main reasons I stopped watching TV (with the exception of a couple of shows) was to avoid media hype and let that inform my life. I think it’s very easy to get caught up in “all/most men cheat” when high-profile men are constantly called out in the media for it. Repetition doesn’t necessarily equal prevalence.

    Plus, I assume it’s an open secret that certain occupations attract those with….narcissistic tendencies. πŸ˜‰

    Just because a man has high status or a great deal of money does not mean he a man of high value.

    Quoted for emphasis!

    GoldenAh: Yeah, and don’t those guys give off the creep vibe anyway? I’m not surprised by those who are caught visiting prostitutes or have multiple “girlfriends”. They mostly look like what they are. I know they say don’t judge a book by a cover, but in some cases…. πŸ™‚

  5. bwlivingwell
    September 21st, 2011 @ 12:48 PM

    The women who endorse it are doing it themselves. That’s why they defend the men so much.

    I didn’t even think of it that way. I just assumed that bw were defending their cheating bm boyfriends (if they want to call giving easy access to your body, shacking up, and using on hand to count the amount of dates you’ve been a “boyfriend”)because they were trying to defend bm in general and they think letting them get away with innapropriate behavior will keep him around. I guess some of these women are acting out the same behavior of including married men in their dating pools.

    That’s why I never bought into those ridiculous stats about black women having the best self-confidence. It was mainly about bw being okay with being overweight/obese than any other group. All of these things point to low self-confidence. They don’t believe they deserve better and will settle for crumbs…le sigh.

    As for HGTV portraying black women in good light, you can always watch the episodes online on their website. I have little to no time to watch tv….which is actually a blessing. I didn’t realize how much garbage I was consuming until I gave my television a rest. It’s been great for my mental health πŸ™‚

    GoldenAh: Oh, I agree with your premise. I believe you are correct. I was adding the other half of their twisted reasoning. πŸ˜€

    No, I don’t believe the majority of BW have high self-esteem. Not at all. Except in some areas like schooling or work where positive / negative feedback or score carding ourselves is much more immediate and obvious.

  6. Sherry
    September 21st, 2011 @ 8:59 PM

    When people tell me “Everybody else does XXX’ I always tell them, “My name isn’t Everybody else” …

    GoldenAh: I so agree. Honestly, I just hate that “everybody is doing it” mindset. Reminds me of the worst of high school. Bunch of sheeple. Everybody loves the lowest common denominator, because they think it’s easy. I think it makes life harder….

    Thanks for stopping by, Sherry. πŸ™‚

  7. Betty Chambers: Ladies, don't ever let anyone tell you that "everyone does it" « No Wedding, No Womb!
    September 22nd, 2011 @ 7:49 AM

    […] Betty Chambers: “Betty Chambers Has Spoken” […]

  8. Shermy
    September 22nd, 2011 @ 8:49 AM

    Maybe that’s why I spent so much time on those design shows!!!!!!!!!! LOL!! Lauren Lake, I miss you…..

    I agree wholeheartedly with what all y’all are saying. I don’t understand why you would want to live any other way. THERE ARE GOOD MEN ON THIS PLANET WHO KNOW HOW TO “ACK RIGHT.” (HGTV shows have PROVEN that!) I refuse to believe anything else. It took some learning on my part, but I can recognize them in a hearbeat now! I hope the same for my sistas in the struggle for love!

    GoldenAh: Most guys I believe are on average “good”. They also need to be “qualified” to get access to a “good” woman. They aren’t entitled to her. Real relationships require work. Too many lazy manchilds want an easy access “relationship” (booty call). They are free to go to all the easy-access women out there. Yet, they also need to shut up, stop complaining about women with standards, how tough they are on them, and how they don’t like “good” guys. It’s B.S. The issue is about respect, courtesy, and decency, which a lot of “good” guys lack today.

    Thanks for the feedback, Shermy. πŸ˜€

  9. Betty Boo
    September 22nd, 2011 @ 6:55 PM

    Well spoken indeed. I fear in many cases the moral decline has gotten so bad that men penalize women who have standards and require dating and courtship and not casual sex and other loose relationships. They expect women to be “greatful” for their cheap attention as if they are doing them a favor. And Yah forbid if the woman should have standards and declare that they have other options, then they get labeled as “difficult”, “Bougie”, “having an attiude” and “expecting too much and being too demanding” and for what? not allowing these men to use them, waste their time and NEVER marry them? Another prized statment as Betty you echoed is “Oh I am not GOOD enough for you??” (which is a Jedi mind trick to lower ones standards so they don’t have to try do hard) I am bold enough to say sometimes YES.

    GoldenAh: I’ve worked a number of places where the female employees were “doing” the boss and male co-workers. I decided to play ignorant (and run away) if they came to me talking about anything outside of the weather or work-related duties. I wasn’t having it.

    Low-minded promiscuous types of people used to be covert with their nasty business, because society used to “shame” them. Now, thanks to the like-minded degenerates that run the media, they believe that they are the norm. That’s why I have no patience for the “everybody does it” nonsense. There’s no benefit in following people into the gutter. I don’t get how folks cannot simply think for themselves. It’s not that difficult.

    You are special, Betty Boo. Awesome like a lot of the sisters out there who are working hard, doing well, and taking very good care of themselves. πŸ™‚

  10. Pamela
    November 28th, 2011 @ 12:34 PM

    Betty Boo, not long before my retreat from all or majority black situations (maybe 15-20 years ago) I was one of those penalized for having standards. One phrase you need to add to your list. You may also be accused of not liking men. CORRECT I DO NOT LIKE MANCHILDREN, BABY DADDIES, MAN-WHORES and the like. Of course that is NOT what the accusers were trying to communicate. Glad I disappeared for good. Loving my lovely husband these days.

    GoldenAh: You are so right, Pamela. Everything for men is too easy. When a woman has standards, folks act like something is wrong with her. But we need to protect ourselves from grief. Happiness takes work.

    It’s always a pleasure to hear from you. πŸ˜€



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