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Continuing The Nice Good … Love Is a Numbers Game, Play It Serious

Posted on | June 12, 2011 | 7 Comments

How to Play It Serious

The best information always comes from the comments section. I’d like to highlight these tips from Lisa:

I started reading BWE blogs when I was 27 and now I’m married at 32. I might still be thinking about all the time I have and feeling that there’s “no rush” if not for reading the blogs.

While there’s never a “rush” for love, there’s also no reason to be waiting around for some man to come along (or some man to shape up and marry you after umpteen years), when you can find someone right now who is ready for something real and serious — and he might just be white!

Wow, it’s been that long? 🙂

Lisa offers what changed in her approach to the dating game:

I guess I’d say that the other change I made was taking the process of meeting men a lot more seriously. I used to act in the “if it happens, it happens” mode, so I might have a dating profile up, but if I didn’t receive any responses in six months (for example), I didn’t care. I just figured it wasn’t my time and nothing more.

I later stepped up my efforts (and was successful, yay) and also made it a point to go to more social events. I didn’t have time to hope I met Mr. Right at the supermarket one day, although if it happened that way, it would be nice. I just started making more time to go out (and that does not mean to the club) instead of staying home all the time.

Last night, my husband and I went to a goodbye party for a co-worker who’s moving. While I’m no longer on the market, there were a bunch of single guys there that I would have been checking out… not saying any of them were available, but at least my odds improved by going to the dinner and meeting six unmarried men versus staying at home because I was too tired or something.

Plus, just being in the company of men can help you be a better dater, so that when you do get asked out, you’ll be so fabulous on the first date that he’ll want to ask you out again!

Wonderful testimonial. Each journey begins with the first step. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be hypercritical of yourself. You don’t have to look like [insert name of the latest superskinny supermodel or beweaved singer] to make things happen. Embrace who you are. Start looking. Get social. Make more friends.

Don’t linger on any man who will waste your time. Don’t ever let him get you on the phone talking for hours or more than 10 minutes at a time. Don’t let him text you (heaven forbid now, eh?) a million times a day. He’s wasting your time. This is part of vetting.

Listen to what he says, he’ll tell you what he’s looking for when you ask. And you must ask. Make it clear what YOU WANT. Don’t ever waver. You deserve better.

A Nice Black Man Offers His Perspective on Dating

I appreciate feedback from guys, and so we have the following comment from Bubby.

Well, speaking as a nice black guy, I always tell guys who’re nice who say that they are having problems meeting or finding the right woman, to look harder and to keep at it. Dating is a numbers game and you have to face your fears, face rejection and keep plugging away. If you approach twenty women, four may find you attractive. So sixteen women will tell you, no thanks. Now, are you gonna focus on the negative sixteen or on the positive four?

I chuckle when some of these cats say that women only want “bad boys” or “players”. Women are free to like whatever turns them on in a man and if you’re not what she’s looking for or attracted to, why get angry at her? We all know that men don’t want people telling them what to find attractive in a woman. Move on. There are plenty of women out there who will love and appreciate you but you’ll never find them if you’re too busy throwing yourself a pity party.

I’ve read these so-called seduction sites and they all reccomend that a “nice guy” change or incorporate some gimmick or routine into his “game”. I say be yourself. I say get a hobby. Do things that you enjoy. Get out and explore the world. Take a cooking class. LIVE.

But keep your eyes open and be prepared and willing to approach a woman that you find attractive. Be polite and courteous and see if she’s willing to give you a shot. The rule is: Men approach and the woman chooses.

Truth be told, some of these guys want women to fall at their feet just because they’re nice cats. They don’t want to put any effort into having a love life at all. That kind of arrogance isn’t sexy at all and women will avoid you like the plague.

Hey, you sound like my older brother and his friends!

We all do need to remove anger, hostility, bitterness, and sense of entitlement from our interactions with one another. I think we all improve if we just keep it polite, cordial and cool.

Guys may not realize this, but the fastest way to win a woman over is to be helpful and useful. That’s the one thing that I’m surprised so many miss. I’m not talking about replacing the plumber and being on-call like a hot-line, but showing a woman handyman skills and being reliable, gets you through the right door faster than playing the fool.

And if she cannot appreciate good favors, then at some point the next woman will.

Thank you for your contributions, Lisa and Bubby. 🙂

Cheers everyone.

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Comments

7 Responses to “Continuing The Nice Good … Love Is a Numbers Game, Play It Serious”

  1. Sherry
    June 13th, 2011 @ 2:12 PM

    Miss Betty,

    What a cool post! Thank you for saying “We all do need to remove anger, hostility, bitterness, and sense of entitlement from our interactions with one another. I think we all improve if we just keep it polite, cordial and cool.” All that adversarial stuff is the main reason that dating so dizzy and depressing to me.

    But I have to say that Lisa’s story is a fairy tale to me. No amount of “stepping up my game” is going to make a difference. I have because a cliche – an old lady with a cat …

    GoldenAh: Sherry! Make some male friends. Ease into it. If a decent man can be your friend, then his friends will be awesome. And he’ll do his best to make sure you’re okay. No stress. 🙂

    I have a cat too. Here’s my 14 lbs mongrel.

  2. vonnie
    June 13th, 2011 @ 4:17 PM

    @sherry hogwash! one of the bwe readers, pamela, met the love of her life her 49th year on this earth and was married for the first time at 50. another girl was talking about her 60 something year old mama dating and falling in love again, with a sweet gentleman.

    Stop the pity party and get out there, date! you can do it 🙂 put mr whiskers down, leave him some cat food, put on a cute dress, nice makeup, and get to a wine tasting event or art show.

    GoldenAh: Great advice, Vonnie. 🙂

    And I still love Pamela’s story. 😀

  3. Likewaterforchocolat
    June 13th, 2011 @ 4:44 PM

    I’m with Vonnie. Have a plan of action, not inaction.

    I also agree with everything that Bubby has to say about bm and their sense of entitlement to bw. Step up: the man approaches, the woman chooses. I cannot count how many bm have told me that they will not “chase” any women b/c they are “good” dudes. As if this is something that will make me find them attractive. I look at it this way, any man who is not willing to pursue anything that he wants is a pushover and not man enough for me or worth my time. I will also assume that he has has no real ambitions in any other area of his life as well. You may be a good, girl but not a good guy, because I find this pattern of thinking that bm have adopted to be effeminate.

    GoldenAh: I appreciate Bubby offering that perspective, because he was refuting the nonsense we usually get fed about these situations. It’s a great clarification for men and women.

    Thanks for the comment, Likewaterforchocolat.

  4. vonnie
    June 13th, 2011 @ 5:33 PM

    cosign @likewaterforchocolat

  5. Sherry
    June 14th, 2011 @ 7:22 PM

    Your cat is cute! My cat is a smaller, dark calico.

    GoldenAh: Those cats are adorable, and usually female. She’s the momma of all these little mongrels. 😀

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    June 18th, 2011 @ 6:26 AM

    […] TIME is a non-renewable resource. Once it’s lost; you can never get it […]

  7. xxBronzeGodessxx
    October 4th, 2011 @ 10:31 PM

    I love this post. I jsut mad ea post similar to this one on my blog. I really believe in going out and putting yourself out there. My summer was enhanced when I was proactive and met people through meetup.com and other social events based on my interests and hobbies. I loved interacting and meeting people who had similar interests as me. I met eligible bachelors and made some good friends that I still speak with. But most importantly it gave me my confidence back and helped me to hone my flirting and vetting skills. I don’t feel like I should sit back and sing c’est la vie. I am excited to put myself out there and meet new and eligible bachelors so I can meet the one.

    GoldenAh: Sorry for the long time in posting a response. I agree with everything you’ve written, xxBronzeGodessxx. Time flies and we cannot take it for granted that tomorrow is the best time to act, now is where it counts.

    Thanks for your feedback. 🙂



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