White Women

Posted on | July 8, 2011 | 55 Comments

A while ago, someone sent an email asking why did I not write about white women.

That was funny.

The Proper Focus

At the top of this blog, the stated purpose of this site is to acknowledge the awesomeness of BLACK women. I’ve been accused of being a white man at times (tee hee hee), but I write to promote our self-love.* We get beat down more than other groups or otherwise ignored in the general course of things, unless it is reinforcing a stereotype.

As an ignored group which occasionally receives negative attention, I figure, Why not spend some time on issues that directly or indirectly affect us?

There Is No There There

I don’t write about white women, in general, for this sole reason: they are ubiquitous. They are everywhere, all the time. So much so that the writer of the email was a white woman mistakenly wondering why I wasn’t focusing on her group.

Um, okay.

After I stopped laughing, I wrote back. We exchanged a few emails. She meant well. This was a nice woman who didn’t really understand what the focus of my blog was. She was coming from a white feminist perspective, which is that everything that happens to black women comes through the prism of white women.

In her mind, our lives will always include them, sometimes as the center of attention. Yet in their lives, we are on the periphery as predictable parochial characters. Sorta like every show you see on TV today. Black shows require a white woman. White women shows have a black sidekick or she doesn’t exist except as part of the scenery in the background.

What Does Irk – The Irksomeness

There are, however, some issues, that come to mind about white women:

Weak Woman Whining: Complaining about being treated as weak women is what I call the femininity gripe. Oh boy, what a wonderful problem to have! Imagine being regarded as a strong like-a-man creature all the time, where no one thinks you are delicate, have feelings, or sensitive? You know, like all other women are? Unfortunately, a lot of black women embrace this othering. White women may want to be strong and manly, and beg to be treated “equally”, but black women want to be seen as feminine, because this whole like-a-man business doesn’t yield “equality” at all. It works as a negation of our womanhood: Hallmark is selling Father’s Day cards aimed at us.
The Only Woman Self-Delusion: It is irksome expecting us to listen to your problems without reciprocity. When black women launched a movement called No Wedding No Womb (NWNW), white feminists crawled out of the woodwork needing to bandwagon onto the topic, and make it about them. I have never seen so much depraved, immoral preening, and navel gazing. This could not be about black women’s empowerment. Nope. Obviously, somebody had made a mistake: it needed to be about white women, or it wasn’t a valid cause. Sometimes it’s not all about white women, there are issues just about black women. What became clear to me is that if they are not the center of attention, it’s not considered a valid “woman’s issue.” Uhuh.
Gone With The Flatulent Wind: We’re not at work to be your chambermaid, personal servant, attack dog, or therapist. White women love complaining about male exploitation (same work less pay, harassment, etc), but what about what’s being done to the black women in the office by them? I acknowledge that other people can be just as trifling to black women. I accept and believe that there is a much bigger social benefit to be gained knowing and associating with white women than with other groups, but it’s up to black and white women to re-create balance to normalize and stabilize this relationship.
Media Stalking – It Is All About You: Some black women do express some frustration when the news media focuses on a white woman to the exclusion of all else. There is a massively overwhelming amount of resources spent on their disappearances, run-away bride stories, trials, reality TV shows, and all manner of attention on these individuals, because she fits the “pretty white woman” profile. All other groups fall by the wayside.
It’s Not Jealousy – It’s Irritation: Black women benefit when white women benefit. For those of us who have a good understanding of feminism, and the important leading role black women have historically played in it, we understand that it is win-win. We just don’t appreciate when things get whitewashed to remove the first black woman, which is a woman making history too!, when a white woman comes along and finally makes the same record. Then it becomes – the first woman to blah blah blah – when a black woman has already made this distinction. That’s the perniciousness of racism and sexism. So when white women act as if they are the sole victims of sexism, that is irritation at work, not jealousy.

The Casey Anthony Show

I didn’t follow the trial. I originally thought Casey was a guy, and the woman shown in the picture for the news story was his victim. (That’s what I get for skim reading.) The case made me vaguely remember a rash of disappearing / missing children in Florida a few years back, and her kid was one of those stories.

I have two observations that I haven’t read or heard mentioned. 1) Casey Anthony would be in jail if she was charged with manslaughter or murder in the 2nd degree (?). 2) No one on that jury was going to put a “pretty white woman” on death row.

This mistake by the prosecutor reminded me of the OJ trial. (Yeah. Oh boy, here we go.) Marsha Clark thought that all the black women on the jury would identify with the white woman, Nicole Brown, as opposed to O.J. That’s an example of white women being blind to the racial and sexual dynamics of black women. They assume we identify more with them as opposed to that of black men, and many assume we live or die for black men (well maybe a large number do, but not all).

However, those assumptions are wrong, because our reality is completely different from black men and white women. Not every situation where we are concerned will yield an easy checklist of answers, because of our sex or race. People continue to make mistakes in understanding black women due to those assumptions. Sometimes it will be true, more often than not, folks will get tripped up by it.

What Does That Have To Do With White Women?

Nothing at all. That’s why I don’t write about them.

However, it is up to us, as black women to help people understand our distinctive selves.

*Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion.

Comments

55 Responses to “White Women”

Christelyn D. Karazin
July 8th, 2011 @ 5:12 PM

I’m supposed to be working, but I couldn’t stop reading this. As I continue in my own education on black women’s issues, I can see more and more clearly what you are saying. And THANK YOU for saying it.

GoldenAh: Thank you for getting the ball rolling with that branch of the movement. The response behavior really surprised me, but it’s good when folks show their a**ses. I first noticed that kind of strange and crazy self-centered thought process back in college. I left most of them alone and hung out with guys.

Toby Keith says it all.

You are welcome, Christelyn. Glad I gave you something to ponder, I appreciate you stopping by.
Zabeth
July 8th, 2011 @ 5:58 PM

You’ve just articulated so well what many BW (and dare I say it, other minority women) feel.

GoldenAh: Oh, and you know that list could have been much longer…

Thanks for the comment, Zabeth.
Daphne
July 8th, 2011 @ 6:06 PM

When I read the 1st sentence, I admit to blinking in confusion for a few minutes, as I didn’t understand why someone would inquire about this. I mean, as you stated, your sub-header emphasizes Black Women. Not women, but BLACK women. Not all women, but BLACK women. Not feminists, but BLACK women.

I’m gonna assume the woman, who emailed you inquiring about a white women post, didn’t count on your response. Love.it. Be careful what you ask for!

Anyhoo, co-sign to irksome list, particularly 1-3. Number one is particularly annoying at a movie forum I frequent, where white women constantly lament at how (usually white) women aren’t being portrayed well in modern cinema, and the good ol’ days of the 30s and 40s when women were depicted as strong yet feminine and such. And the intersection of race and gender is NEVER discussed. Which is fine, no one is required to. Just understand that my sympathy for the plight of mainly white female characters is about the size of a mustard seed. Just sayin’.

I don’t mind helping someone understand us, or me specifically, as long as they’re truly open to it. I don’t always get the impression that, in this instance, white women are open to it. After all, the person who contacted you didn’t ask to understand US, she asked why you would didn’t pontificate on THEM. Speaks volumes. Maybe I’d be more amenable if the original request was framed that way. I’m a bit punchy at the moment.

GoldenAh: It was a direct, boldfaced request to write a specific topic about white women. To me that translated into: “Why haven’t I seen any topics about white women?”

I remember after Star Trek came out they were asking JJ Abrams to include more “women” in the film. Now, you see all these films about superheroes, sci-fi action flicks, and action films with maybe one chick (usually white), and I never saw a peep from these witches about “women”. The only reason they whined was because a black woman was in the lead. They’re so greedy. It’s not enough to be in every effing damn movie. Yet, there are never any black women in these film categories. So I don’t want to see or hear about Becky in any LEAD role in Star Trek. I want Uhura to get more screen time.

Mustard seed. See Daphne. You kill me.
Lorraine Spencer
July 8th, 2011 @ 6:27 PM

BCHS indeed. You are spot on with this observation. Funny that you mention OJ, because on FB just yesterday, I got into a semi debate with a lady over this very issue. Of course it is hot button topic but anyway, a Latino conservative male stated that had C. Anthony been a black woman, she would have been convicted and the needle would be in the arm.

The few whites who responded were sooooo disappointed that he brought race into it. I am careful about what I respond to as it can be time consuming and at the end of the day not my argument or battle to fight. But I weighed in on this and explained that the poster was correct. I also explained that I am not at all saying that blacks or latinos or anyone should get away with killing their children, but to deny the race factor was naive. I challenged them to find a case where an average black woman accused of murdering her child got this much pretrial and trial publicity and was found not guilty.

It went unanswered for a few days while they pondered. A ww came back with “What about OJ?” I had to chuckle and restate: Typical black or Latina WOMAN! I had to further reiterate the OJ is neither typical nor black female. He had the money and a prestigious, formidable defense. And speaking of defense both in OJ and Anthony’s trial did their jobs and got their clients off, at least for the time being. OJ’s arrogance eventually got him sacked and sooner or later, Anthony will fall is some way, but I digress.

The ww could not get passed my argument and gave up after I explained that I was a former magistrate and knew a little something something about the justice system. It doesn’t mean that I would not hold a black person accountable, especially if they did what they were accused of doing, but I also told her it was naive to think that racism, discrimination and white privilege did not still exist, and play a role in crime & punishment.

It was too much for this lady to realize that we were not all sisters with the same issues and she had to acknowledge I was right. She was dumbstruck with my challenge only coming up with OJ and then tried to insinuate that he won because he was a man (turning the conversation into a gender woman v man issue/trap). I said no, and again said OJ is not typical. He was a rich privileged bm who had money behind him and was not a bw or lw. Bottom line was a child was dead and no one is being held accountable.

The challenger said that she respected my opinion and ended the conversation. My challenge of finding a bw with a similar case (publicity) is still unanswered — because there is none and most people would rather not respond than say bw do catch hell in this society from wm, bm and ugh,,, ww.

Thanks for sharing your no-nonsense, common sense, wisdom.

GoldenAh: It’s amazing how many of them (subconsciously) deem themselves so much smarter, brighter, cleaner, and nicer. So when you challenge their thinking they are stumped. Logical thinking coming from us stumps people. We’re supposed to be mentally cluttered or cannot coherently articulate a good argument.

They’ve been telling themselves for so long that life for us is X, Y and definitely Z. When we show them K, F and L, they don’t know how to respond or what to say. They don’t want to believe we SEE what’s going on all around us. Heck, this is life. We are complicated human beings. I love when (as you’ve done) we poke a hole in their balloon of illogical nonsense. It’s rather fun, and I suspect it may get through to some of them. I don’t think it hurts to have understanding allies.

Thank you for the feedback Lorraine, glad to hear from you. Cheers.
Dee Dee Russell
July 8th, 2011 @ 7:02 PM

Betty you know I Stan for you! You are much too kind on this topic.

That type of WW is the sort I’ve been deleting and blocking on Facebook as well as giving them the wave and stepping, when I see them out.

Also that sort is used to having a ‘sassy BW friend’ to socialize with. Yes ma’am you look purty! Yes ma’am all the men folks want YOU. LOL.

I give the side-eye to a certain breed of WW feminists trying to treat me like I’m Oprah- there to sooth listen to their problems and be there when they whine about men. Oh, but when a Sis lets them know she’s looking for a man what happens? Sound of crickets. Yeh, I’m slow on the roll, sometimes.

Some think they’re slick, reading my FB updates showing up at events trying to ride my coattails using white priviledge. HA. I have a BM friend who LOVES ignoring them and watching their reaction when he doesn’t give them the time of day, as of course you know, WW are Kryptonite to BM!

Casey A.? White girls justice big time just like Lindsay Lohan getting high at home on house arrest.

This post reminds me to go delete a bunch of lurking non-supportive WW from my friends list on FB.

GoldenAh: Don’t feed stray cats! They never leave.

We can still be nice, tell ‘em nothing, and let them go get lost on their own.

A long time ago, I asked this ww who was bothering me at work, “So if you know your relationship isn’t going to work out, why are you telling me about it?” She shut up and left. I don’t do one way street friendships. Too many of them expect it and we’ve been part of that co-dependency. Good on you to cut ‘em off. Let the vampires feed elsewhere.

Great to hear from you, Dee Dee. Always a pleasure.
BB Fortune
July 8th, 2011 @ 10:24 PM

******APPLUASE******* ********STANDING OVATION********* what else is there to say really??? YOU NAILED IT!!!! this self centeredness is so bad with white women that it is astounding. I read on YAHOO ANSWERS a young white woman posted about 2 years ago that she went to study abraod with to black female freinds for a semester in europe. it upset her greatly that the european men were showing more love to her black freinds than to her. She went on to say how she was not a racist, but she could not understand what was “wrong” with the men in europe. People lit into her in their responses. The common response was telling her that she was used to the “white woman worship” she got in america and it was a blow to her ego that she was NOT the center of the universe when she got to europe. Her response to the commenters? “well I am back in america now and things are as they should be, I don’t like you and I bet you want me too.” SMH the entitlement of these women (including the woman tha wrote you that inspired this blog post) is amazing. Bravo on this post Betty 5 STARS!!!!

GoldenAh: Her comments do not surprise me. Even the fat ugly ones are shocked when men pass them to talk to you over here. I think that’s why I like Europe sometimes. They are shocked! shocked! that the men aren’t falling over for them. I remember one chick having a temper tantrum on a tour bus, because the guy wouldn’t treat her like she was something special. Forget about the other 15 paid up customers, this one deserved all the attention. ‘Cause she was sure she’s “cute”. Yeah. Okay.

She kept interrupting his tour lecture, needing to correct his knowledge of French language and history. Well… That Brit gave her such a take down and it was close to 5 to 10 minutes long; I had to resist applauding, although I was snickering. Her behind was meek and well behaved afterwards though.

The behavior has gotten worse. Thinking back over many years, I can’t call them being this bad. I lay some of the blame on “white women’s studies” at universities and the media. I honestly don’t give them much thought, but I figure why not write one post to address this. {{Shrug}}

Thank you, BB Fortune. I really appreciate the feedback.
trish
July 9th, 2011 @ 12:34 AM

This is a terrific post as usual. I suppose when the media has constantly placed you on a pedestal or used you as the basis to determine beauty and femininity, it is no wonder why you would question why a blog didn’t address your concerns, in any way shape or form. It would almost seem unnatural to you even slightly racist (rolls eyes). One of the disadvantages of being privileged is the lack of insight into how society actually works or how your privilege can cloud your judgment when dealing with others not in the same position as you.

Casey Anthony’s trial was a prime example of that privilege at work, even at the expense of justice for an innocent white child. Such is the power of white female privilege in this society.

GoldenAh: I remember when NOW came out and backed that white woman who drowned her 4 or 5 boys a couple of years back. They even found a mental illness for her to claim. This “I killed the children, but it’s really not my fault” crap has been going on for years. No one in the system wants to put a “pretty white woman” in jail, no matter the crime.

The (white) people who are acting surprised by the Casey Anthony verdict are F.O.S. All of them know how white women get off for these things. The B.S. is for our benefit. It’s the continuation of blowing smoke up our butts. That’s why they get mad when we say we see what’s going on.

Great comment, Trish.
Andrea
July 9th, 2011 @ 8:55 AM

This was a terrific post! I am not the least bit surprised that a WW would expect to be made the center of attention on a Black woman empowerment blog. But look at it this way, we are talking about White women in general. I’m sure that pleases the email writer and other WW lurkers to no end. Lol.

I remember a series of episodes on Oprah, way back when Doctor Phil was appearing on her show, that involved this insanely bitchy, narcissistic, bulimic WW who became enraged and verbally abusive of a BW because she felt the BW was getting too much attention and support for her problems — the BW had been sexually abused as a child by a friend of the family. She didn’t feel that the Black woman deserved any support. And was angry that attention was being taken from her. (There were several other people, but the BW was especially attractive.)

The whole point of the shows (I think there were 4 eps) was receiving group therapy support, and supporting others!

Even Oprah commented on this woman being a “bitch”. Though she said it in a joking manner.

GoldenAh: Well, I look at Oprah as spending 20+ years encouraging them to be like this. She was their Mammy. And I respect Oprah’s hustle too. So no surprise there. I do think she was blown away by how much hate they had for her when she endorsed Obama for president over Billary. She was supposed to “know her role” and refused to play along. I bet she’s still getting hate mail from them.

The email was eons ago, but it stayed with me (I always keep the correspondence), because it was so … obvious. My feeling about the matter is: “What makes you think I’s got y’all on my mind? What in the world? Seriously?” Too funny.

I really don’t see or give ‘em much thought, because I’m not affected by them. They’re ubiquitous, yet invisible. I don’t say that to give offense. I’m sure most feel that way about black women: out of sight, out of mind.

You bring up an excellent example. Who does a black woman turn to when she’s being bullied by a white woman? Everyone always assume we are the aggressor. I haven’t experienced the kind like you described (I have that “I am crazy and I’ll beat-you-down” stare when I need it), but what about the low key sisters out there? What should they do?
Maybe a separate post on the bullying by everyone on us is needed.

Great to hear from you, Andrea. Loved the example you cited as well.
Neecy
July 9th, 2011 @ 12:12 PM

Great Post Golden – hope you start writing more frequently again as I have missed your wonderful topics and posts.

Anyway,
If no one has figured it out yet its time to recognize that this is a White woman’s world. When I saw Casey walk free, I just reiterated to myself that this is not a “white mans” world but a White woman’s world. And it is. They CONSTANTLY get off for crimes such as this. I won’t even discuss the countless WW who have been on trial for having sexual relationships with their students and it was just pathetic at the attempts to sheild these women by pointing out their “attractiveness”.

Of course the only women who go missing in this world are White women.

For any WW to even approach a BW’s site and ask such a question (like the person did) is flat out insulting.

And yes, many BW are often bullied by WW who know that people will most likely look to the BW as the aggressor and shit starter. That is why its importante (yes spanish) for BW to drop this fight-ready, sister soldiering stuff.

i remember one time on a flight back from a business trip. I was with a couple co-workers. One was a White guy and my other co-worker who is also my buddy and very attractive (cuban/italian girl). Anyway, in front of us were two White girls and we all were out of breath b/c they had changed the gate of the original flight so everyone had to run to the next gate to make the flight. So, my friend/co-worker & one of the girls started having a playful argument about whose stuff was going in the top cabin above our seats. My co-worker jokingly says the other girl “we can take this outside if you want to”. Now I HAd nothing to do with this exchange although I was laughing. So the girl who was playfully arguing with my attractive white friend says “oh I’m not worried she’s has my back” (pointing to me). I was like no dear, I don’t have anyone’s BACK – I’m a lover not a fighter (everyone started laughing). but see the gall of her to just point me out as her protector! UGH

GoldenAh: Thank you for the compliment, Neecy. I wish I could write faster, but these topics have to ruminate and ferment in my fuzzy brain a bit before I can write it down.

With the criminal justice system, I suspect there will always be some leeway for white women (at least in America). I don’t view the world as belonging to them, although they have a great deal of access to it. The Amanda Knox case in Italy is an example of the limits of this special treatment. It’s interesting to see the anger of the whites here, because she didn’t receive the leniency she’d be afforded here. And I do remember in Florida there was a WW who had sex with a student, and the news story reported her as being too “hot” to be put in a regular prison. Alrighty then.

I think your response to that situation was perfect. That’s crazy for her to assign you guard / attack dog duty like you have no sense. These folks usually wait until they’re drunk to say such insultingly stupid and insensitive things.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Neecy. It is very much appreciated.
internethider
July 9th, 2011 @ 12:50 PM

well for white women the struggle isn’t with other races of women its their own race of men, mainly because white men are seen as top of the food chain and white women are held in second place and they want first place so that’s what they mainly whine about because they know that every other race of men fall at their feet and white men don’t have to because they’re not considered below them, its mainly a power struggle for them not just because of power but because of the attention you get with power, so when you hear one whining over not getting something she wanted right away from a WM its not the item she is actually wanting but the satisfaction of knowing that the white male gives over to them too like every one else does. (ever notice they never put an all white male jury against the white female? its always white women with different races of men kind of jury)

GoldenAh: I don’t think in this day and age there will ever be an all white male jury, because the defense attorney and even the prosecutor wouldn’t want that. I don’t think any white male defendant would either. Men aren’t as sympathetic to each other with regards to some criminal cases. In theory, I think an all white male jury would let Casey Anthony go.

I agree that among some groups of white women they are looking for something extra from white men, but they are wasting their time. It’s a man’s world, and that’s something they will have to live with. White men already give white women all they want. They are as high up in the tree as a monkey can go.
internethider
July 9th, 2011 @ 12:54 PM

and you know its really stupid for a white women to ask a black woman why doesn’t she write about her? its like when black guy goes to an interracial website for bw/wm and ask why don’t they write about black dudes don’t they realize its not website not about them!? i think it freaks them out when they find out no one cares what they think

GoldenAh: You’re right. They’re used to lavish attention from us, so to see it fade must be disconcerting. But it’s not like I’m handing out jobs at a public institution or something and I need to use quotas, this is just an opinion forum for us about us.

We really can’t have anything for ourselves, can we? Well, we’re going to have our own thang going on whether folks like it or not.

Thanks for the feedback, Internethider.
Andrea
July 9th, 2011 @ 5:07 PM

”Well, I look at Oprah as spending 20+ years encouraging them to be like this. She was their Mammy. And I respect Oprah’s hustle too. So no surprise there. I do think she was blown away by how much hate they had for her when she endorsed Obama for president over Billary. She was supposed to “know her role” and refused to play along. I bet she’s still getting hate mail from them.“
~GoldenAh

I wouldn’t be surprised. That is why she had Sarah Palin on after the election. Frankly, Oprah should not have been that surprised by the reaction from WW.

Remember when she lost all that weight on a liquid diet? Some White women wrote to her, and a few even appeared on the show, complaining that she had “betrayed them” by losing weight, and announced that they might stop watching her show! I suspect that is the real reason she can’t/won’t keep her weight down. But anybody who has ever watched a TV show or movie that stars a Black woman and a WW knows that the BW cast is either obese (Gabourey Sidibe on The Big C), the sidekick who’d actually DIE for her WW gf (The Vampire Diaries), or her character is a lesbian (The Women remake). Lol. It is too pathetic! American WW are sooooo insecure, and Hollywood freely acknowledges this fact! They don’t even show pics of BW celebrities with their men unless they’re BM, and often not even then. It’s completely different in Europe.

“Maybe a separate post on the bullying by everyone on us is needed.”
~GoldenAh

Yes, very much so!

“its like when black guy goes to an interracial website for bw/wm and ask why don’t they write about black dudes don’t they realize its not website not about them!? i think it freaks them out when they find out no one cares what they think”
~internethider

WW also show up on BW/WM interracial blogs to either claim that WM do not make thoughtful and caring partners (which, in my experience, is BULL CRAP!) or to brag that the BM they’re dating “worship” them. The first, I suppose, is to put us off White men and think badly of them, the second is to make us feel jealous of their relationship with a BM we don’t even know. Lol. Seriously, they are the only group of women I have EVER encountered who behave this way!

When I come across BW who resent BM/WW IRR (Jill Scott) I think they’re crazy to care. Most BM and WW deserve one another. They’re like two sides of the same selfish, self-centered, narcissistic and, sometimes, downright sociopathic coin.

GoldenAh: Wow! For reals? They couldn’t handle Oprah losing that weight? With her first big drop, I thought she lost a bit too much, but was close to a good size. See, she shouldn’t have paid those crazy witches any mind. I guess the money might have been too sweet, so that’s the price she decided to pay.

Vampire Diaries: Oh, you saw that mess too? I was like, Why they playing Bonnie like that? That sacrificial Negress stuff is sick. Ain’t no black chick alive who ~~worships~~ likes her white girlfriend that much. If she exists, then so must a Drop Squad.

If that was me, I’d be like: “Sorry, you are my BFF, but there’s no way I’m leaving your fine and handsome brother who loves ME. I’ll miss you though….”

I don’t like generic IR sites, because it is all WW/BM. And that’s fine, as you’ve said, they deserve one another. It is good to see IR sites for BW and Non-black men, so they wont get polluted by non-black women or black men. That may sound cold, but folks don’t realize how much people love stepping up into our space and pushing us out of it. Basically, it’s bullying us.

Excellent observations, Andrea.
Daphne
July 9th, 2011 @ 10:10 PM

High-five to Neecy – ditto to being a lover rather than a fighter. I’ve used that line more than once – with white (and some black) women. But I’ll call 911 with a quickness, and accompany you to the emergency room, if necessary! You know, make sure you’re all right and stuff.

[ GoldenAh: LOL. And making that call from a safe distance... ]

I have that “I am crazy and I’ll beat-you-down” stare when I need it

Ah, see, I have the “I’m NOT the one, so think again” look.

The Amanda Knox case in Italy is an example of the limits of this special treatment.

Oh yeah! I remember this, and I was actually in Italy on vacay at the time, not too far from where the murder occurred, and watched the arrest on the news. Yeah…..I don’t recall any Italian media spinning the story in her favor. They didn’t seem to care that she appeared to be a “nice, attractive, All-American” girl. I did think it was interesting that the US media, and even a Senator, implied that her trial was tainted by “anti-Americanism.” Because, as all know, the US court system is completely impartial to race, gender, nationality, and such.

GoldenAh: A couple of things about that case caught my attention. The victim was a bi-racial Brit: mother is ~~black~~ Indian (south Asian), father is white. That alone tipped my belief that Amanda was involved somehow. Cause when some of these WW get drunk and high, the rank despicable ugliness of how they feel about black or mixed women comes out.

And they were roommates. Amanda was there when the girl was murdered. All the people on trial know and were sleeping with one another. That alone creates a nasty mess. If Amanda was on trial in the USA – depending on the prosecutor – she’d be serving jail time as an accessory. So I’m not sure why the folks here thinks she could go free if Italy is using similar laws.

Oh wait, she’s a white woman, of course they don’t think she should be in jail.

BTW, Did you like Italy?
Daphne
July 10th, 2011 @ 1:56 PM

If Amanda was on trial in the USA – depending on the prosecutor – she’d be serving jail time as an accessory. So I’m not sure why the folks here thinks she could go free if Italy is using similar laws.
Sense of entitlement? Like, the due process of Italy should be exactly like that of the United States? But that’s ridiculous – Italy isn’t the US, have their own laws and procedures around homicide investigations. I think they may be some international standards, but still. That’s why you don’t go to another country thinking you’re special because you’re American, and not subject to that country’s laws, unspoken rules, and culture. Based on what I’ve read of the case, Amanda had a bit of that going on, plus she was young and silly (i.e. changing her story once she was formally arrested).

GoldenAh: I wonder what’s going through the big empty heads of fellow Americans when they get drunk and rowdy in another country. Sense of entitlement is right. The rules of behavior aren’t hard to follow: you’re in another person’s home – show some respect.
vonnie
July 10th, 2011 @ 4:18 PM

“Who does a black woman turn to when she’s being bullied by a white woman? Everyone always assume we are the aggressor. I haven’t experienced the kind like you described (I have that “I am crazy and I’ll beat-you-down” stare when I need it), but what about the low key sisters out there? What should they do?”

blackfemininity.com had a piece on that:

http://blackfemininity.com/2010/07/29/how-assumed-femininity-is-used-against-black-women-part-i/

GoldenAh: Ah, the site is back up. Excellent link, Vonnie. Thank you.
Lisa
July 10th, 2011 @ 4:21 PM

Hi Betty! Actually, the British girl who was murdered in Italy was half Indian, but her mom is very dark and from far away, I thought she was a black woman as well! But the poor girl was a biracial woman of Indian/British descent… lovely girl too. They never show pictures of her, just Amanda.

I know that’s not totally germane to the discussion, but I just wanted to be factually accurate.

As for Amanda Knox, while I’m not 100% sure either way of her innocence or guilt, she was quite foolish to think she could go abroad and act like the “ugly American” and then wonder how she got into this mess. Having a new sexual partner each week is not the business (only bringing that up because she was filmed out with her Italian FWB — he was hardly her boyfriend — the day after the murder laughing and joking about all the wild sex she planned to have with him that night).

Then to be arrested and do cartwheels in the presence of officers of the law and be all giggly and ditzy… oh, the Italians were going to show her the real deal! If for whatever out-of-this world reason I got caught in this mess, you better believe I would be the most contrite, cooperative person! But that’s WW privilege for ya…

GoldenAh: Half Indian? Yeah, from the picture I thought she was black. I appreciate the correction. She was lovely. Didn’t deserve that is right, and the people rallying for Amanda act as if she did not exist.

Well, I ain’t mad at A. Knox for being a happy slut in Italy. The men are very attractive, but using discretion is a perfect indication of having some sense.

It will be interesting to see what happens with some review trial that’s happening now, unless it’s over and I missed the results.

Thanks, Lisa.
BB Fortune
July 10th, 2011 @ 9:28 PM

@ Vonnie, I clicked on the link and she made reference to another link and I found this.

White women’s tears is one of the main ways White American women have of derailing any talk of racism, particularly their own racism. It is part of a more general pattern of white people making their feelings matter more than the truth – something you see too in the tone argument, for example.

White women’s tears can come about in different ways, but here is the classic scene:

1.A white woman says something racist.
2.A black woman points it out. (It could be any person of colour but it works best against black women for reasons given below.)
3.The white woman says she is not racist and starts crying.
4.For added effect the white woman can run out of the room.
5.Other whites, particularly white men, come to the aid and comfort not of the wronged black woman but of the racist white woman!
6.The black woman, the wronged party, is made to seem like the mean one in the eyes of whites.
7.The white woman continues to believe she is not racist.
Tables turned! It works so well that it is hard not to see the tears as a cheap trick.

This is more than just a woman using tears to get her way. It is built on a set of White American ideas about race, listed here in no particular order:

•It works best when these two stereotypes can be applied:
◦The Sapphire stereotype – black women as mean, angry and disagreeable
◦The Pure White Woman stereotype – white women as these special, delicate creatures who need to be protected at all costs. It is what drives the Missing White Woman Syndrome – and, in the old days, lynchings.
•The r-word: to be called a “racist”, however gently and indirectly, is a terrible, upsetting thing for white people – far worse than, you know, being a racist.
•White people and their feelings are the centre of the known universe.
•Hearts of stone: meanwhile whites seem to have a very, very hard time putting themselves in the shoes of people of colour.
•Moral blindness: white people think they are Basically Good, therefore if someone points out something bad about them it must be out of hatred.
•White solidarity: whites are afraid to stand up against racism, particularly when they are with other whites. Also, they do not like it when you call other whites racists – they seem to take it personally for some reason.
All these things work together to help create the scene laid out above. It is why it works best for young, good-looking white women and why black women’s tears have nowhere the same effect in a white setting.

In my own experience White American women are by far the hardest to talk to about racism. Even if you get past all their defences and they believe what you are saying, they act like they are going to cry. So you either stop or you push on and are made to look mean and heartless.

Here is the link:

http://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/06/11/white-womens-tears/

GoldenAh: The following is a response to the material you posted, BB Fortune. It’s not aimed at you.

Do we really need to talk to white women about their racism? I’ve had some who wanted to talk to me about the subject, but I wasn’t interested. A conversation about their “enlightenment” bores. If they’re treating people respectfully and fairly, bully for them, but I’m not going to dance a jig over it.

Is it a wise course of action to challenge a racist comment by a white woman, especially if it’s a lose-lose situation for a black woman? We’re going to be seen as belligerent no matter what in most cases. I think if the WW is incompetent and generally evil, there will be others happy to help “fix” her problem by documenting the nonsense then letting HR take care of it. I’ve seen some get the boot using this strategy: it does work. Push comes to shove, getting away from the heifer is a good self-preservation strategy too.

That list on race seems more like the description of sociopaths than of people unaware and unwilling to examine their biases. Are white people still that bad? I disagree with the list, I believe it’s only a minority that are this way.

Let’s not forget that it is white men who made changes in this society, because they decided to allow it: desegregating the military, Civil / Voting Rights Legislation, affirmative action, Women’s Rights, black men dominating sports, a white woman quota ensuring she’s placed in nearly every position and job available, etc.

I accept that white women are important in some respects (just to get along with for peaceful relations), but I think we’d all benefit from keeping in mind who has the real power. And it’s not the hysterical weeping twit(s) on the job, unless the company is filled to the rafters with them.

Let’s learn to protect ourselves from these female bullies by making allies with useful and powerful men. I’d bring gifts for some that I worked for. It does make a difference.

BB Fortune, thanks for the link and adding to the discussion.
Andrea
July 11th, 2011 @ 12:14 AM

“That sacrificial Negress stuff is sick. Ain’t no black chick alive who worships likes her white girlfriend that much. If she exists, then so must a Drop Squad.”
~GoldenAh

I suspect this is a wishful thinking thing for some WW. But at least they have allowed Bonnie to have a boyfriend. That’s rare for the BW sidekick. In the books, Bonnie and Damon became an item later in the series. But Bonnie in the book was White, so I doubt that’s gonna happen on the show. Jeremy is not even in the books, so they probably felt it didn’t matter much.

“If that was me, I’d be like: “Sorry, you are my BFF, but there’s no way I’m leaving your fine and handsome brother who loves ME. I’ll miss you though….”
~GoldenAh

ROFLMBO.

GoldenAh: I forgot that this show is based on a book. It did have a Twilight vibe to me. I wonder which came first.

I agree. I’m glad they gave Bonnie a man. I was surprised by that too. I thought something-something was going on between her and Damon at first. She liked to torture / punish him and he seemed to savor it.

I like the show; it’s a lot of fun to watch. I still miss Mason though. They need to chill with killing off the hot guys that appear on the show.
Neecy
July 11th, 2011 @ 1:51 AM

Hmph. White women’s tears? Yeah I can play that game too. Not gonna lie, i started using it to my advantage to and it works. As soon as a WW starts in with her game of trying to push me in a corner, I’ll cry in a heartbeat! BW need to start beating these kinds of WW at their own game. i will cry in a HOT SECOND (usually before they get the chance to) and usually if a White male is involved, they get a little confused on how to react b/c most BW are trying to play tough and stand their ground instead of letting someone else rescue them. Usually the BW is acting tough and its the White girl crying. but if you too start playing the Damsel in Distress, you will often get a pass. LOL I know that is bad advice, but it does work for me….

So when a WW starts to bully you, START CRYING and acting like a damsel in distress. They HATE that b/c then they can’t try to turn the tables and say you are the aggresor. I’m telling you it works everytime. Play the gentle weak one being picked on, and people will come to your rescue. LOL

Also, I just found out what it is about women and tears that drives men to want to rescue them and protect them. WW seem to have gotten the memo. I was on a male dominated board in which women and crying came up. Here are just some quotes.

male #1
“Monumental truth. Notice how much more attractive a girl is when she’s crying with open eyes”

“it is hot and boner-inducing” (referring to seeing her cry)

Another guy (Male #2) chimes in and asks:

“Why is it a turn-on to see a girl cry?”

Masle #1 responds:

“episodes of profuse nose-running and uncontrollable sobbing, many women will look younger and more vulnerable when they cry.

Cheeks flushed, eyes glistening, mouth open with labored breathing.”

There you have it sistas. take notes and use to your advantage too!

GoldenAh: Great great advice. Why? Because we have got to get our femininity back one soft, hiccuping, moaning, weeping, and sobbing tear at a time.

Don’t be bullied. Don’t act aggressive, which makes you a bully. Run to the white or non-black male(s) possessing some sympathy for you. They do exist.

Yes, two can play that game.

Well said, Neecy. Well said.
Neecy
July 11th, 2011 @ 2:07 AM

I forgot to add: if both of you are trying to play damsel in distress, usually it will be a wash and people will try to comfort the both of you. of course some Whites and others will be giving you the side eye and want to side with the White girl, but at most that is all they can do b/c if you are sobbing then they can’t say you were picking on her. LOL Its a game ladies and us BW better start getting hip to it and use it to our advantage.
Dee Dee Russell
July 11th, 2011 @ 3:03 AM

Hi Betty.

@Neecy… PREACH! A BW’s smiles and a BW’s tears are valuable assets.

I always spot WW Game. Usually there is a WM who can’t stand the WW bully/fake damsel in distress- I always go to him first.

5 years ago, a WW tried to take me down by calling up people, crying, talking about me – so I’d break into tears whenever her name was mentioned which shocked everybody. Quite a statement! To this day I have WM friends who still loathe the WW for what she did.

GoldenAh: Do you hear that ladies? No eye roll. No neck roll. No teeth sucking. Keep your voice down! Bite your lip. Look sad. Produce that tear! Get a mirror and practice.

Great great story, Dee Dee.
Funkystarkitty50
July 11th, 2011 @ 9:22 AM

It’s laugh out loud funny how self-centered some of the feminist WW can be. If we are not the poor, down-trodden “Precious” types, they don’t know what to do with us. They are so used to being in “Savior” mode, they can’t comprehend that a BW could actually be their equal. When I was younger, I had WW friends who delighted in telling me about their “secret” Black boyfriends that they were keeping from their families. Some actually wanted to get a reaction from me, and when they didn’t get one, they would ask me why. Why should I?? Two reasons, 1) Never been interested in BM as a romantic partner and 2) Why give someone the satisfaction of knowing that they have an affect on you– to make you get out of who you are, just because someone thinks they know how to press your buttons. The world does not revolve around them–seriously. Although, if you look at the media and society, you would think so.

GoldenAh: Your tale made me fall into my mental wayback machine. There was a WW I worked with who, like you say, feminist or liberal and sees herself as “open minded”, but had some major racial issues. Her problem, not mine.

One day she comes over to me, saying a black man likes her, but pretends dislike. She was quite certain of his attraction. (She needed to tell me this, because of my mutual flirtation with a big blond guy at the job. We were friends, always joking around, but man it irked her.)

I was like, seriously? OMG. This wasn’t a teen or young girl, this was a grown woman. I said no, if a black man likes you. He likes you. They don’t waste their time pretending to dislike you. This guy really does not like you. Not sure why, but she never brought it up again.

Thanks for the feedback, Funkystarkitty50. Great to hear from you.
BlkQueenBee
July 11th, 2011 @ 3:29 PM

I’ve had, and still have, good friends who are white women, but this is so apropos. They live in a universe where white men are the Sun, white women are the Earth, and anything else constitutes a minor planet or star.

GoldenAh: Oh sure, there are those who are really nice and will go to bat for you. That goes without saying. It’s the ones that tell us how liberal, feminist and open-minded that turn out to be so trifling. Should be surprising, but not really.

Unfortunately, some of us believe in that universe, and I don’t see that as healthy for our self-definition. I think that’s what yields the attack / guard dog, Mammy, and other types of destructive behavior on WW’s behalf. We should all be the Sun in our universes.

Thanks for stopping by, BlkQueenBee.
Likewaterforchocolat
July 11th, 2011 @ 4:32 PM

The fact that this woman had the gall to ask you to write about ww specifically pretty much shows you where here real interests lie. If she had been remotely sincere about her feminist agenda she would have posed the question differently, such as…”why don’t you include issues pertaining to ALL women?” But no, she only shows concern for herself and ww. I have know clue where ww got this idea that everything that we are is because of them. Now YOUR blog has to be about them? Pretty much everything IS about them, so what would you write about anyway other than the fact that we have NOTHING in common with them.

You are absolutely right to point out how bw are portrayed in film against ww. If there is a bw in your white rom-coms at all, she is an extra the asexual sidekick. Because, Lord knows, there is NOTHING romantic about a bw.

I remember when I lived in FL there was a big local case about a young, married, white school teacher who was sleeping with her students. She had done some modeling in the past (you know the bikin-clad chicks in the motorcycle mags?) Although she admitted guilt, the judge did not sentence her to a single day behing bars, because she was “too attractive” for prison life. He gave her a couple months of house arrest. That ish took the cake for me back then. This story also leads me to another priviledge they have: they can be complete sluts and still be considered women worthy or respect (anyone know a Black Kim Kardashian?). But, I digress

GoldenAh: Your first paragraph gets to the gist of the issue for me. Why ask me about or suggest anything pertaining to WW? I should have been asked, How do you feel black women and other women could handle issues X, Y, and Z differently? As you’ve noticed, if it doesn’t include them, then something is missing.

I was asked to include a kvetching towards a group that I, despite the negative tenor of this post, don’t feel any particular way towards. I judge WW individually, but their group dynamics is the core aspect of this discussion.

Oh, they can keep the slut privilege. There was a brief period of time, like the 70′s, when black women were viewed as sexy, fun loving and awesome divas. I’m not sure what has happened since. Are the rap/hip-hop videos and the crack epidemic to blame? The “black media” used to say we were beautiful and demanded people show us some respect, but that hasn’t happened in over 30 years. Today, what we get is Ice Loves Coco. Can you think of two people who deserve each other more?

I think I’d be hard pressed to find a black woman who is sexy on a show and allowed to sleep with all the men like the white women on Grey’s Anatomy.

Thanks for the contribution, Likewaterforchocolat. Great to hear from you.
L, Higgin
July 11th, 2011 @ 7:57 PM

Ms Golden you are not this dumb person bitch, she is very stupid to come on this blog with the spoil brat shit. You gave her a good dressing down. As a black woman I make a point of speaking softly and I love to used tears on men, it works. As for white women I turn the table on them. One day I was catching the bus from college and one gentleman who happen to be from Europe started a conversation with me,we were laughing together. We look up and this white girl approach this gentleman and started to talk to him, she did not greet me at all. He look at her and said to her you do not have any manners and move away from me. I was smiling during the entire time.

GoldenAh: Phew. I appreciate your passionate defense L, Higgin, but please, let’s ease up on the profanity. It looks like they got our goat, and that’s not what I’m aiming for, but I hear what you’re saying.

This example you provide, with the “I see you but I’m pushing my way in to take over your conservation and ignore you” rudeness is part and parcel of a white woman’s behavior in the America(s). They give themselves permission to do this, because they really believe in their “cuteness” and that everybody “loves a white woman”. This is the way of sociopaths. A normal person would show some consideration, but you don’t get that with a lot of them.

Ooooh, maybe that should have been added to the list: sociopathic behavior.

Thanks for your contribution L, Higgin.
Faith
July 11th, 2011 @ 10:51 PM

http://abcnews.go.com/International/amanda-knox-extremely-happy-dna-ruling-murder-appeal/story?id=13955868

GoldenAh: Thank you for the link, Faith.
Faith
July 11th, 2011 @ 11:05 PM

Just to clarify something mentioned here as well: Kercher’s mother is South Asian.

GoldenAh: Thanks. I made the correction.
Likewaterforchocolat
July 12th, 2011 @ 1:54 PM

Betty, I believe you are right in the response to L. Higgin. I often wondered what was behind the lack of consideration at time on the part of ww. They believe they should be acknowledged before you, recieve service before you and that complete strangers should acknowledge their presence by censoring their conversation for their pristine ears. I have witnessed or been a part of all of these instances and the reason for this behavior is because, like you said, “everyone loves a ww” and they believe wholeheartedly in their sense of priviledge and “cuteness”. Every ww I know personally has this mentality.

My first supervisor was a ww (a southern one at that) and we hired a new guy to as a courier. He was an older wm and the day he met me, he proceeded to tell me that I looked like an ex-girlfriend and began to tell me about his life. She noticed this from her office and felt that she needed to tell me about how rare it is from a man from his “generation” to overtly come on to bw. Fast forward and I take a bm friend of mine to a wine party and she gets drunk and is all over him. She is from the same “generation” as the gentleman she spoke of. But it’s okay, because everyone loves a ww.

GoldenAh: Nasty. The gall of people like that. Va-jay-jay blocking, right?

We cannot have a conservation without them trying to command and control it. When they interrupt me, I’ll make a sarcastic comment, or I’ll keep talking and wont acknowledge them … unless they say “Excuse me”.

Not everybody likes them or thinks they’re “cute”. The ones that act this pathologically rude need to go sit down somewhere.
Dee Dee Russell
July 12th, 2011 @ 7:49 PM

GoldenAh
“We cannot have a conservation without them trying to command and control it. When they interrupt me, I’ll make a sarcastic comment, or I’ll keep talking and wont acknowledge them … unless they say “Excuse me”.”

GURL! High-five. One of the WW whom I chopped from Facebook for being a fake, toxic friend, tried that on me at a recent art reception (after I chopped her!). I’m sitting on a sofa, talking to a pal when up comes Miss Jane, standing above us. Blabbing away to me without a Hello. Ignored her.

Heffa never said excuse me so I never acknowledged her!

I think we BW are often much to kind and compassionate towards them. They’re already spoiled!! I am making myself scarce to them. Just chopped more of them off Facebook.

IGNORE.

GoldenAh: A good friend treats you with respect, courtesy and let’s face it – with a great deal of affection too.

What sense does it make to be around someone whose goal is to use you, disrespect you and approach you at their convenience? This is regardless of color. Hey, we are forgiving souls, oftentimes too much, but we need to recognize the toxicity in everyone who comes at us. Otherwise, we’re gonna be just as miserable as they are.

Sometimes we’re so anxious not to be labeled “mean”, we end up being doormats to vampires.

Modifying the funny phrase NigNore (I first saw from Tracy); I propose BigNore.
name goes here
July 12th, 2011 @ 11:50 PM

you know whats bad? the really overweight ugly ones who think their “cute” because they try to get even more attention i think, and btw just because some one is southern doesn’t mean they hate BW… well maybe the WW do, but not so for WM

GoldenAh: I wonder if there are better relations between black and white women in some regions of the country. WW behavior seems uniform everywhere, but personal mileage will differ.
Truth P.
July 13th, 2011 @ 6:40 PM

I have a little blog where I write about my thoughts on different issues and I personally steer clear of writing anything about white women.I always write from my own perspective, and from the perspective of a few other black women, and for a long time it has seemed that if a black woman is not ALWAYS singing the praises of white women she hates them.At least this is what people would like to believe.

I don’t even constantly sing the praises of black women,and I AM A BLACK WOMAN,so why would people expect me to be that way.

I do NOT (only) have bad things to say about white women.I have had good things to say about them as well but I will NOT be forced to sing their praises 100% of the time.

If that means being completely self centered and leaving them out of conversations altogether so be it.

Also I have to say one thing.People always assume that black women are jealous of white women but I’d like to say NOT THIS BLACK WOMAN.

I have LIVED in the same apartment and worked with white women before and when you see someone from the INSIDE it changes your entire view of who they are.

If you are EVER really jealous of anybody the best thing you can do is LIVE AND WORK WITH THEM or AMONGST THEM as much as possible.You will soon find that they are HUMAN.

At best,if you live with or among them and find that they truly are better off than you,you can make adjustments in your life.You get to see upfront how those who win live and how they maneuver to win.

At worse,you find out that the “all white women are AWESOME and better off than black women hoax” is just that, a hoax.And you find out that when your grandmother got sick, and you left the apartment to stay with her temporarily, your white girlfriend who you work and live with has moved a damaged thieving ex convict black man in the house. AFTER his other white girlfriend, that you also work with, SETS YOU UP by asking you to show her your apartment after work because she’s thinking about moving and you agree.

Then when you get there you open the door and find a man’s clothes and shoes all over the place, and the white chick goes ballistic because her man has moved in with your roommate, while you were staying with your ill grandmother,and has stolen her children’s playstation game and other things from the house.

So she starts collecting things and you are all shocked because you don’t know WTF is going on.And then your roommate pulls up outside and walks in and the other white chick is threatening to whoop her a** because your roommate works with both of you as well, and she knew the guy was taken but because she is overweight with low self esteem she slept with him anyway AND let him move in even though he wasn’t on the lease.

And all this surprises the HELL out of you because your white girlfriend roommate has portrayed herself as being a good Christian girl who is abstinent and she attends a Christian college.So you don’t even believe that this is happening,but now it’s all starting to make sense because not too long ago when you called the apartment to check in, and make sure everything was going well, she was literally trying to keep you from coming back to your own apartment and even asked you to stay at your grandmothers house,and when you asked her if she would like to take over the entire lease so you can get another apartment she says NO and actually wants you to keep paying rent but just not live there(WHAT TYPE OS SH*T IS THAT?)

And you say HELL NO I am not gonna keep paying rent and not live there.So in the end you find out that she had always planned on moving her conniving ex-con boyfriend, who was actually some other single white mother with bi-racial children’s boyfriend,into the apartment and since he couldn’t have his name on a lease because he was an ex-con AND he had NO JOB,they would just try to con you into paying rent forever while you stay with your increasingly healthy grandmother.

*ROLLS EYES*

GoldenAh: You make some fine, delightful points with this story. We’re all right here. Watching. No matter what stories (lies) WW would like to tell us, we live nearly similar lives since we’re all fellow women. We are not “other” or a separate species. We can see all the drama and “realness” for ourselves. So even if we’re not talking about them directly, how is anything we experience, to some degree, any different from theirs? As far as I’m concerned, that means their issues (whatever they may be) do not require any special acknowledgement. We do have very unique issues due to racism and lots of historical baggage, but the other stuff (life’s drama, sexism, issues with men, etc.) can pretty much be the same.

And as you noted before, the purpose of these blogs is to make space for ourselves. Additional insights – assistance in solving OUR PROBLEMS – are always always welcome. It’s the request for attention that goes beyond the pale.

Thanks for stopping by, Truth P, and adding these interesting and distinctive thoughts.
Formavitae
July 14th, 2011 @ 12:28 AM

I’ve also experienced the WW’s need to take attention away from BW. I was in class, and this WM and I were sharing conversation. We were the only two talking. She obviously became uncomfortable at the experience of a WM and BW talking to each other and proceeded to attempt to interject herself into the conversation. She was unsuccessful. The WM stayed focused on me and our conversation. The confusion and bewilderment she felt was evident on her face. I had another experience in an academic setting, when a WM took the initiative to introduce himself to me. (We were sitting next to each other.) We proceeded to have a conversation. The other WW were silent, and you could tell they were uncomfortable by our exchange. Another experience I had was when I went out to lunch with a BM colleague. Our hostess was a WW, and she started flirting with him while taking our order. For all she knew, he could have been my boyfriend. But, (many)WW always have to feel they can steal attention away from BW. What she didn’t know was that particular BM loved and respected BW, and her “whiteness” didn’t phase him. I’ve also noticed jealousy from WW when looking nice or accentuating my (not skinny, but small-waisted) hourglass figure. I guess we BW aren’t supposed to have ANYTHING.

GoldenAh: You and I have experienced the same things. And I know we’re not alone. I doubt there are very few black women who haven’t gone through this nonsense. In college, this white girl does a Sharon Stone (Basic Instinct) in shorts, legs pulled up, showing the goods while planting herself next to this WM talking to me in class. She wasn’t interested until we started chatting. True attention whores.

Heaven forbid that any man spends time making us the sole focus of his attention. See it’s only in situations like this where I feel WW deserve the nice sweet buzz of a tazer for being so effing annoying.

I appreciate the feedback, Formavitae. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Dee Dee Russell
July 14th, 2011 @ 12:44 AM

Truth P

Yes I know all about that sort of WW! Most are okay dokey. Some are crazy like foxes. Some of my best friends are W, btw. Heh. Your story is not surprising. Yet you are now hipped in a major way and you won’t be fooled that way again.

Here in San Francisco there aren’t that many of Us… with natural hair red trench coats and charming smiles?… so I always laugh when, at a reception, party, charity event, whatever- there is always always that one WW who steps to me, arms crossed without so much as a salutation “So. Where do you live??” -sometimes that finger point is added. You all know that finger point.

LOL WTF. I smile, pause “Where do YOU live?”

Sometimes that shocks them:”I asked YOU first.”

Me: Pause. Big smile. “WHY do you ask where do I live?”

On and on …that annoying WW assumed privilege/inappropriate behavior.

How about the unsolicited hair touch & grab? “Oh I just LOVE your hair like that!”
I immediately mirror them-I reach out to touch THEIR hair, fingering the roots “what sort of dye do you use, do you condition?”LOL
THAT always shocks damn common sense into them and I suggest y’all try that one! Fa real.

It gets tired how transparent and insecure some are. I’ve cut the toxic WW out of my life and keep a healthy distance from the fresh crazy ones- so it’s all good to come here to share and vent.
Truth P.
July 14th, 2011 @ 5:03 PM

@Dee Dee Russell Yep.I know exactly what you are talking about.

What I don’t like is when white women who date and marry black are automatically considered to be open minded and incapable of being prejudiced.

I worked at a store a few years ago and there was this young white girl,only a high school student,dating a black boy,who was also a high school student.

I was actually very fond of BOTH of them and they were very fond of me also.We spoke to each other every day.And the young boy was so nice he was like a cousin.But one day it was very humid outside and my hair was natural at the time so it poofed,it would not lay.I am not and have never been embarrassed of my hair,even when it won’t lay and especially not around white people, as I have mostly only experienced compliments on my hair from white folks because apparently our hair is cool,exotic,etc.I have gotten compliments on my hair from most black people as well, as my hair is allegedly curly not as nappy as other black people’s hair.I call bs on that though.I always have thought my hair is like a 4A-4b but apparently so called “good hair” is in the eye of the beholder just like skin color as I have also been called light skinned and I am definitely medium-dark chocolate colored.

Anyway,this day my hair went all poofy and this black girl,who had a very long brownish blonde weave, I worked with asked me what I was going to do with my hair(in a very negative way).I said “nothing,this is the way my hair is.this is the way it shall be”.Mind you this same day white people had all day been saying good things about my semi-fro.Some of them even went and complimented me on my pleasant attitude to the manager.But the black girl saying what she said was like an invitation for the young white girl I had been friends with to say something negative.

She actually said “I’m glad my hair is not like you guys’ hair.I feel sorry for you all”.I could not believe she said that.After that I lost respect for her.The black boy she dated was VERY BLACK skinned,black as tar with nappy hair(which is why I reject the silly notion that black people are not actually black just brown,plus my daddy is black like him too.My dad is unmixed Jamaican).If her and him have children together the kids may still only look black,like Barack Obama, which is why I was baffled by what she said.

I did NOT go off on her because I was shocked she said it and I felt that she was only a kid and I didn’t want to come off as bullying her after I had been disrespected to my face.
I could have easily talked badly about her horrible acne all over her face but I didn’t.

But again that only goes to the fact that these people are nothing but HUMANS.Mere mortals.There has always been this view that white women who date outside their race are somehow less racist or prejudice.I call BS.I know better because I have witnessed the prejudice against blacks by white women who have dated and married black men with my own eyes.

If a black girl like the one I worked with,who had kids by a black man,is capable of hating on black hair, why would anybody believe that white woman who date black men are incapable of hating on black people and black hair?

Like there are no white women equivalents of Strom Thurmond.

As far as bullying goes,Betty if you do a post on that please don’t forget to mention how Ginie/Virginia Thomas tried to bully Anita Hill.

GoldenAh: Well, every Klansman and white supremacist has a Momma. Despite the media based brainwashing about angelic and “non-racist” white women, it ain’t always the white man who is the bigot.

You are right about the white girl: the black one gave her permission to insult you, but at least she finally showed her true colors.

I don’t get that business with hating black women while sleeping with black men, but I suppose those relationships allows them to feel superior to us. ‘Cause you know some of these black males are telling them how much better they are than black women. I suspect the same goes for their feeling about their children. No matter what, their children aren’t going to be regular old Negroes. Oh well.

Thanks for the suggest about Mrs Thomas picking on Anita Hill. I actually forgot about that, which is a heavy duty example of WW bullying.
trish
July 15th, 2011 @ 12:51 AM

“In college, this white girl does a Sharon Stone (Basic Instinct) in shorts, legs pulled up, showing the goods while planting herself next to this WM talking to me in class.”

ARE YOU SERIOUS????? LOL

GoldenAh: She was already married too. So imagine my shock.

I’ve learned since then: they’re totally shameless. I don’t put anything past some of them.
reply
July 15th, 2011 @ 2:11 AM

“Well, every Klansman and white supremacist has a Momma”

most white guys wont date a white girl after shes dated a black guy whether the white guy is racist or not and yes I know this for a fact because I am a white guy and every white guy i know says “if she goes black we ain’t letting her back” and they aren’t even racist, so she is definitely no “Klansman’s Momma” I couldn’t imagine what they would think. although the truth is the reason she was probably dating a black guy was for the attention and how he probably told (lied) to her how much better she is than BW

GoldenAh: I get that you’re saying that WW wont get any from a WM – if he ever finds out – she slept with a black guy. I doubt that considering that some famous bi-racials with white mothers / black fathers have white step-fathers.

However, we are talking about white women being racist bigots, which has nothing to do with whom they sleep with. Society loves to portrays them as liberal, enlightened, open minded and non-racist. We, as black women, have seen the “real deal” from them, which has been ugly, vicious, vindictive, and denigrating.

White men get the entire load as being the only racist amongst white people. That is understandable, since he’s the protective one and he’ll cover for WW. But as I’ve said, every Klansman has a Momma, so it’s not only his Dad that he gets his bigoted views from.

Hope I was clear.
reply
July 15th, 2011 @ 10:27 AM

ah now i get what you were saying, and ya i know what your talking about too, they say WW aren’t racist and BM cant be racist but who are the first ones to snicker and make comments about BW with WM, usually BM and WW.

GoldenAh: Yup, right on the money.
Dee Dee Russell
July 15th, 2011 @ 6:37 PM

Ladies! Last night I was at an event where a WW interrupted me getting my swirl on not once but twice!

First time she came to sit with me and the WM without even introducing herself. Just staring and listening like we were a zoo species. He rolled his eyes I asked for her name. Then told her we were having a private conversation.
“Does that mean you want me to leave?” LOL

SECOND time I was getting my swirl on. She walks up to us without a word just standing and listening-again-without introducing herself.

I gave her the stink eye combined with the Diana Ross crocodile smile.

She said to the WM
“I don’t think she likes me”

Said I ” I don’t even know you but this is the second time tonight that you’ve chosen to interrupt me while I’m getting my flirt on!” She flounced off! The WM cackled and told me he knows ALL about WW like that, cause he has a BW gf. He then gave me a high-five.

Sisters, make no mistake we are being watched like hawks by WW from our glossy lips to our kinky coils to our fly earrings…

GoldenAh: Typical hyena behavior. Letting the lioness do all the work before trying to come in and poach her “kill”. I wonder if they pull that kind of nonsense with other non-white women, or are black women a favorite harassment target of theirs? I thought they would leave black women and white men alone, since if he’s “going black” he’s not likely to return. I guess we’re not that “scary” after all if she can come up on you like that, not even once, but twice!

I see that she wanted to make you the aggressor: “I don’t think she likes me.” And talks about you like you’re an errant child who doesn’t know better.

Love your response to her. Do these creatures know they have no manners or is the self-awareness and consideration that dead and gone?

High-five to you on handling your business, Dee Dee.
Dee Dee Russell
July 17th, 2011 @ 8:12 PM

Ah! “Typical hyena behavior. Letting the lioness do all the work before trying to come in and poach her “kill”. ”

YUP that’s what it was! Teehee. It’s to laugh
Toni
July 19th, 2011 @ 11:35 AM

To be honest, I was made extremely uncomfortable about the attitudes and comments by certain very vocal white feminists about NWNW.

Largely because it just seemed to be coming from a point of view that could not fathom and did not WANT to fathom why so many black women feel this approach is necessary.

The idea that persons who are approaching the situation from the outside could just express absolutely no regard for the unique situation that young black women today find themselves in, and in the case of some, a desire to make it about THEMSELVES…I just find that very disturbing to me.

It’s why I’m hesitant to have much to do with modern feminism, as it’s very white woman-centric, and either dismisses the struggles of WOC all together, or attempts to downplay it with a “We are all women so our struggles are the same” approach. Because no, they are not.

It’s unhealthy to me to attempt to formulate a dialogue with women from other ethnic groups where you expect everything to be taken from your point of view, without trying to understand the difference between the norms and struggles in other groups.

GoldenAh: They came across as offended with black women for launching an awareness campaign without their permission. I’m glad they showed their thought processes, it lets you know where people stand. If there are issues where we can benefit equally with WW and others, I’m all in for the fight, but otherwise they can take a long walk off a short pier.

We benefit from feminism. We can shape and mold it to fit our needs, wants and desires. And we don’t have to check with ANYONE, especially WW, about what we need to do to survive, thrive, and make progress in this world. We don’t have to follow their rules or goals, especially those that are not beneficial to us.

There are somethings they do we should never emulate or try to. Then there are other privileges they have that we need as well, but they obviously do not want to share. Well, too bad. We need to get ours and they’ll just have to deal with it.

I enjoyed your comments, Toni. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Dee Dee Russell
July 19th, 2011 @ 7:02 PM

Hi Toni what about womanism? The term coined by Alice Walker. I call myself a womanist=BW first.

Hey-it’s all about them, didn’t you get the memo?

GoldenAh: When she came up with that term, I wondered why she felt it was necessary. I read her reasoning, I didn’t get it, I sorta understood, but not fully. Now, I do.

I think Womanist works just as well.
Toni
July 20th, 2011 @ 10:14 AM

“They came across as offended with black women for launching an awareness campaign without their permission.”

I had to read this a couple of times for it to sink in, but you have absolutely struck at the heart of why I felt so disturbed by the tone of such white feminists. OOW births and very low marriage rates are a dire situation for AA women and you’re offended at how we deal with them because WE DIDN’T WAIT FOR Y O U TO LEAD THE CHARGE?

UGH. *puts head down on desk*

“We benefit from feminism. We can shape and mold it to fit our needs, wants and desires. And we don’t have to check with ANYONE, especially WW, about what we need to do to survive, thrive, and make progress in this world. We don’t have to follow their rules or goals, especially those that are not beneficial to us.”

Exactly! So many miss one of the major points of feminism: To be able to make your OWN choices in life as to what is right for you and FREEDOM FROM HAVING OTHER PEOPLE MAKE THOSE CHOICES FOR YOU (especially when they don’t necessarily have your best interests at heart)!

I find it absolutely mind-boggling that someone who purports to fight for the freedoms and choices of ALL women would dare to do so by turning around and telling those women (regardless of their racial background) how to lead their lives, what choices they ought to make, etc.

The audacity is almost chilling and the fact that these persons cannot examine their out-of-line behavior and see it for what it is, is even more so.

My life is my own as are my choices and needs. I’ll go as far as to suggest such persons probably think they can never be in the wrong by acting like this because they are also women/feminists/etc. I don’t think so: cooperation does NOT mean dictation.

“There are somethings they do we should never emulate or try to. Then there are other privileges they have that we need as well, but they obviously do not want to share. Well, too bad. We need to get ours and they’ll just have to deal with it.”

Again, nail on the head. As I mentioned in my other comment, its a large reason why I’m so skeptical of the larger part of the feminist movement today, at least in terms of mainstream ideologies. They are often counter-active to the point of dismissive and insulting to my needs as an AA woman. And since my needs come first: Why should I participate or listen to any persons, feminist or otherwise, who neither respect my life decisions or offer (unwanted) “advice” regarding how I “ought to” think and live.

….I just realized how much longer this comment is. XD Sorry, it’s just I read your comment and had a whole, “AHA!” moment. LOL!

GoldenAh: No! Don’t feel bad about long comments. I really like this. We are all exploring these issues – these nuisances that we cannot quite put our finger on – and talking about it helps bring clarity. ‘Cause once you get the full picture of what’s going on – it’s like – Oh, okay, you can’t play me now.

And Toni, thank you for adding your thoughts to this discussion.
Toni
July 20th, 2011 @ 10:17 AM

Whoops, sorry Dee Dee! I posted my comment before I realized you had responded to me.

I like the idea of womanism. It’s much better and more sensible than the “second-fiddlism” role that certain people expect my best interests and myself to play.
Dee Dee Russell
July 20th, 2011 @ 9:25 PM

All good, Toni! Haven’t called myself a feminist in about 10 years! Womanism sounds more comfortable and… Black, like back it the day old BW used to say, about an advanced B girl “she think she grown acting all womanish but she ain’t but 13!”

To me WW and BM have much in common. It’s all about them and nothing matter unless it affects THEM. I’m taking Kola Boof’s advice to heart. Making myself scarce around them. Creating a void. When the BW is missing, everybody notices!

As stated I’ve done a BIG Facebook chop-cut all the phony lurking envious WW and useless BM off of my personal FB -you know, the type of BM who doesn’t talk to you on FB unless they’re inviting you to expensive events that they produce. Last BM who pulled that, I wrote: Thanks for the invitation! How many people can I put on the guest list? He wrote-I don’t have a list, sorry but you’ll enjoy the concert. I wrote back, I have lots of bills this month. Please let me know when you have a guest list, looking forward to seeing your then.

Like, WHY does everyone think that BW are foolish open wallets? From money grubbing churches to overpriced concerts and ghetto fashion shows! Seems they don’t want to deal with us unless they’re inviting us to give them money! F that. Now, I have a cool, multi-cultural clique of like-minded, budget conscious pals.
Andrea
July 20th, 2011 @ 10:10 PM

“I like the idea of womanism. It’s much better and more sensible than the “second-fiddlism” role that certain people expect my best interests and myself to play. ”
~Toni

I will never be able to get behind feminists, because my own personal experience of them is that they are racist, condescending, self-centered and somewhat delusional — in regards to what they believe WOC owe them.

Some Womanists, on the other hand, are more than willing to sell BW/BG down the river in order to save violent BM, who attack and kill BW/BG, from the police. Their priorities are all screwed up. I can’t get behind “womanists” like that!

GoldenAh: You know, I hadn’t thought about them like that, but you are right. Some womanists are black male nationalists in a skirt. We get black women whose idea of feminism serves only the interests of white women, and on the other hand, we have other black women using womanism to serve the interests of black men.

Do we not know how to put ourselves first? I guess not.
Andrea
July 20th, 2011 @ 10:23 PM

“Like, WHY does everyone think that BW are foolish open wallets? From money grubbing churches to overpriced concerts and ghetto fashion shows! Seems they don’t want to deal with us unless they’re inviting us to give them money!”
~Dee Dee Russell

Because BW are famous for being overly generous with people who’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve their generosity — from individual strangers to organizations (NAACP) that don’t even pretend to give a damn about them.
Toni
July 21st, 2011 @ 8:53 AM

@ Andrea

“Some Womanists, on the other hand, are more than willing to sell BW/BG down the river in order to save violent BM, who attack and kill BW/BG, from the police. Their priorities are all screwed up. I can’t get behind “womanists” like that!”

I couldn’t get behind warped individuals like that either. I take “womanism” as a term that you can use to describe yourself and your POV, however just like with feminists, rather than blindly following along and expecting to receive mutual investment and respect (just because you both have a term you identify with in common), you listen to what they say and observe their behavior.

It’s clear that people like that hardly have your best interest in mind, so be your own “womanist” and do so!

“Because BW are famous for being overly generous with people who’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve their generosity — from individual strangers to organizations (NAACP) that don’t even pretend to give a damn about them.”

Sad but true a lot of the time, and these women will give you the serious side-eye if you try and say, “Maybe it would be a better idea to pay your rent.” Going without for the sake of other people is a badge of honor, one I was being trained to wear, but have since gotten rid of. There is no logic in suffering for the benefit of users.

I know BW who will spend money on things and people that will not benefit them, and when you try and get them to see the lack of logic, they say, “God will provide.”

I think that is what drives many BW, this idea that they will be miraculously or magically awarded for their good behavior. They suspend practical concerns for the sake of faith.

Just because there is a saying that “God looks after children and fools” does not mean you should apply for either position; give what you can to a good (read: deserving and non-shady) cause. But pay your bills first.
Andrea
July 23rd, 2011 @ 9:39 PM

“It’s clear that people like that hardly have your best interest in mind, so be your own “womanist” and do so! ”
~Toni

You’re absolutely right!

“Just because there is a saying that “God looks after children and fools” does not mean you should apply for either position; give what you can to a good (read: deserving and non-shady) cause. But pay your bills first.”

You are very wise, and funny! I hate it when BW, in particular, use faith as an excuse for playing the fool. Martyrs are only appreciated after their death, and sometimes not even then.
Patricia Kayden
August 2nd, 2011 @ 1:15 PM

The following post from What About Our Daughters seems to fit into your post.

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/waod/2011/8/1/their-names-were-not-caylee-romona-moore-legal-defense-fund.html

You have a great blog going here and can only say “amen” to your response to the White woman wondering why you don’t focus on her kind. WOW. You’re very kind to answer her respectfully. Good for you.

GoldenAh: Thank you, Patricia! One thing I love about Gina’s blog is she gets right to the heart of the matter. Straight, no chaser.

While it was odd, I was rather complimented by the request, but I don’t believe in being angry about it. I just wanted to highlight the odd and very revealing mentality.

Great to hear from you!
Andrea
August 7th, 2011 @ 9:08 AM

Hi! I came across something that reminded me of this post. One of my favorite Youtube Gurus is a dating and relationship expert, Debra Cooper (Debsterism), and she posted a great video that EVERY unmarried Black woman needs to watch, titled “Dating Tips for Single Black Women: Men Must Pay for Dates”.

As you can guess, the DBR-BM were angry and resentful, but so was a WW who uses feminism as her reason. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvXDjUwfi5Q she goes by the name sallylongpants.

I was shocked that, considering the title of the video — and her being White, she would respond with such nonsense. This is why I believe Black women need to stop listening to WW who, by and large, do not have their best interests at heart. Feminism, which only really benefits WW (in their power struggle with WM), has not helped BW in their personal lives AT ALL!

GoldenAh: I enjoy reading Debra Cooper sometimes. She’s extremely blunt.

There are some white women who believe in the “Strong Black Woman” myth. They’re viewing themselves as these delicate hot house flowers who want to learn from us how to be ultra-feminists: financially and socially “independent”, tough, strong, no-nonsense she-males (making us the “other”). Some people may find that type of perception complimentary towards black women: I do not.

White women want the best of both worlds: special victim status, along with social, income and sexual “equality” with white men. But only for themselves. Look at what they want: marriage to a wealthy man (their caretaker), pampered as stay-at-home mothers with a nanny to look after their offspring, and return to an identical position after being SAHM for years and placed on the same promotional track as a man. And they get what they want.

Hey, I’m thrilled they’re carving out that path, since we can and should benefit from it as well. But I don’t want these hyenas to then turn around and say that single motherhood is the sole, best option for black women. That we shouldn’t be looking for a good man (of any race) with a solid income to marry. That we should be make no effort to be attractive, feminine, and maybe even modestly submissive in order to receive the same special treatment they receive. According to their dictates: black women should IGNORE and DISDAIN all the benefits white women DEMAND ALL THE TIME in the name of feminism. WTF? Really? Seriously?

I accept the benefits of feminism, but it’s not a trade-in card. I’m not using it to become a man. Its purpose is to let me utilize every fiber of my being to live well as a woman. No more, no less.

I agree. We cannot listen to some of these people, because when it comes to “advice” from black men and white women, it’s almost always self-serving. We’re unlikely to benefit from it.

Thanks for stopping by, Andrea. Great to hear your perspective on this.
Dee Dee Russell
August 18th, 2011 @ 5:40 PM

You all might love this. A WW got rude on twitter got busted in person and out came the tears!
This time, a WW’s tears did not work, as a matter of face the majority of replies are from WP and they aren’t buying it!

http://insidescoopsf.sfgate.com/blog/2011/08/17/restaurant-boots-diner-for-rude-tweets/

GoldenAh: In my eyes, deliberately sabotaging a restaurant, trying to run it out of business, with ruinous nasty reviews using that kind of behavior is borderline criminal. I don’t know if it falls under extortion or what, but there’s a line these folks are crossing. I read reviews to find out if the food is palatable and the service is half-decent. I wouldn’t be surprised if restaurants create a listing banning people. They would deserve it too.

Right, like her fake tears will make up for being so obnoxious. I don’t think so.
Andrea
August 20th, 2011 @ 7:57 AM

@Dee Dee Russell

I’m on Twitter and heard about that, and it didn’t surprise me. I’ve noticed, since I was a kid, that anytime a WW gets caught wronging someone she cries to get a pass.

I would be ashamed to behave that way. It’s borderline sociopathic behavior.
Dee Dee Russell
August 21st, 2011 @ 4:51 AM

Hi Golden Ah!

@Andrea ITA. WW’s tears can give them passes- but that game falls flat around me as my tears flow quicker. A BW’s tears are very powerful as long as we’re not “hooping and hollaring.”

I notice Lady Gaga does lots of crying, very wise as makes her appear as a soft & vulnerable… cult leader
Marie
March 5th, 2012 @ 4:48 PM

It’s not always to get the man’s attention away from the bw. Oh, I’ve been in situation where it’s about the audacity of a man paying a bw attention, but it goes beyond that. How about when you are engaged in an interesting conversation in a social situation for which others are paying you attention, only to have some ww feeling the need to interrupt and change the subject to something unrelated, but pertaining to them to gain everyone’s attention. I am no attention hog, but if I am in the middle of telling a story and others are listening, sthu and wait your turn. It’s like I am not worthy of being the focus of the room’s attention.

If this only happened once, or on a few occasions, I would just chalk it up to persons being social dunces, but it happens enough for me to realize, it’s by design. These people never interrupts the man who has the floor, or the other ww who has the floor, only woc.

Someone upthread wondered if this was only targeted at bw and I say for bm, the mistreatment is targeted at bw, but for ww the mistreatment is targeted at all woc.

GoldenAh: Yeah, and if we say something, we get the “angry black woman” tag. I’d keep talking until she shuts up. Or when she speaks talk right over her. I have a (white) guy at work, who in meetings loves to talk over people. I do it right back to him. And I think he’s starting to get the message to CITFO. And we can do it without being mad about it, just act like they do. They need the rudeness and disrespect returned so they can learn how to behave.

Oh, I’m so lazy, but your last sentence has me thinking of the movie, Blindside. It still irks me after all this time. I need to write what I feel about that film, before I forget. It goes so much into what we’re talking about here.

I hear you, Marie. Disrespecting and goading black women is too easy for a lot of people. And in order not to be labeled “the crazy chicks” we have to swallow too much mess. Time for that to change.

Thank you for your thoughts.
Statuesque
March 25th, 2013 @ 2:36 PM

I know this is an old topic but just had to share this story. I got white girled this weekend when I was with my boyfriend (a WM). We were strolling along at an outdoor event when she came up to him and boldly asked him to take a picture of her. It was an event in a city with many wealthy people, and she clearly came to shop for a rich dude. Now we all know why out of ALL of the people walking around she chose to ask him, don’t we? And I was looking good too – turning heads left and right. Boyfriend is Abercrombie hot and carries himself like a billionaire. I say this not because I am enamored of myself or to brag about him, but to emphasize the uncontrollable rage she must have felt at seeing tall, dark and gorgeous Black me with a White guy like that. She couldn’t help herself.

She starts posing (and I mean posing like she is on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video). He tries to give her the camera back after every picture but she insists on taking several. I guess she thought she was getting to me, or taking his attention away from me. I am just SMH patiently waiting, striking a slightly bored model pose as I text on my phone. Boyfriend snaps the last picture. He is polite, but he’s had enough and just hands her the phone back. She tries to initiate a conversation about the pictures but he cuts her off, looks at me, says it’s time for lunch and guides me away by the waist. He’s nice but he’s clearly done with this nonsense. I give her the amused low toned giggle before I walk away. Silly rabbit.

When you get white girled, see it their recognition of your femininity and confirmation of your ability to play and win the game. It’s their feeble recovery attempt following the shock of having their worst nightmare realized: Being pushed off the pedestal in the mind of a White man who has clearly put a Black woman there.

GoldenAh: Oh, Lordy. I wish I could see this in a YouTube clip: “…like she is on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video” I am crying … with laughter. That’s got awkward hot mess written all over it. LOL.

I wish I knew how to put some skits together like this.

Too funny.

Great story, Statuesque. You guys handled it well: you both saw where she was coming from and the joke was on her. She played herself. Nice.