Posted on | November 27, 2011 | 67 Comments
Who’s Your Daddy?
Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of you did not have Fathers to teach you how to be a gentleman. And the likelihood is high that your Mothers probably didn’t have the time, inclination, or interest in teaching any of y’all manners. Maybe everybody thought that lil man ShayQuan being rude and obnoxious was cute when you were 5 years old and eventually you’d grow out of it.
Unfortunately, for some of y’all, it never happened. For some reason, your boys on the street or that friendly Mr. Hamilton across town – that old guy who’d slide you a couple dollars every once in a while for your “services” – never bothered to give you a heads-up.
However, as a contemporary negro that loves to tell everyone that you are, “A grown ass man,” here are some worthy tips to show you are one, as opposed to being an overgrown, petulant knucklehead.
These tips are obvious to most well rounded people, but unfortunately common sense is in short supply these days:
Stay Thirsty and Be Anxious to Learn
1. Learn to greet everyone you meet with a, “Good morning,” if the sun is coming up or until around 11:00 A.M. like Micky Ds.
2. Say, “Hello,” for the entire day. Smiling is not necessary, but it is helpful.
3. “How are you?” Is allowed after, “Hello.”
4. If you are asked, “How are you?” Reply with, “I am fine,” or “I am good.” No grammar Nazis here.
5. “Goodnight,” isn’t an invitation to talk more or a hookup. It serves the same purpose as, “Goodbye.”
6. Do not demand that any black woman or black girl, whether you are acquainted or strangers, smile at you. It is harassment. Don’t be proud of it. You don’t know who she knows.
7. Keep your voice even when you address any woman. Anything louder sounds threatening. Speak with a moderate tone.
8. Hold the door open for all women, children and even other men. Good manners isn’t just a “white” thing.
9. Speak clearly: mumbling makes you sound like a numbskull.
10. Do not treat black women or black girls as though they are easy scores, a potential main squeeze, work place buddy confidant, or source of joking material. Cat calls, nasty comments and hollering at us is not appreciated.
I know a number of us have gotten used to little, if any, kind of common courtesy, as opposed to what you slavishly bestow upon non-black women. However, please keep your contempt to yourself. Non-blacks may appreciate your derogatory “shuck and jive” routine, but a lot of black women do not.
11. You may not believe it, but a lot of us don’t care to exchange more than a few passing words in greeting. That sista who is standing around listening to you is quietly suffering. She doesn’t know how to cut you off, because you’ve made it obvious you’d make her life hell (at the job) if she does.
Truth of the matter is: no one cares about your love life, personal hygiene, lack of money, and endless baby Momma stories. Your life story isn’t nearly as enthralling as you might think.
12. Enough with the jokes. Richard Pryor most likely told all of the best ones. He was funny. You are not.
13. If we seem to be ignoring you – after an initial greeting – let it be forever known: WE ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU. Despite what you read in the black media and the desperate black women who write for them: YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF OUR UNIVERSE.
14. If you would never say it to someone white, then do not say it to a black woman. Please, spare us.
15. Your Momma really is the only woman who will put up with you. So, get over yourself and leave your issues at home.
16. It is not the black woman’s fault, if her job is more demanding than yours. She’s paid her dues. And believe it or not, that didn’t come by sleeping with a “white man”, since most of our bosses are likely to be white women. We went to school and worked while you decided it was better to hang out with LaTrell’monte back in the hood.
17. Your sucky job is not our problem. It’s up to you to solve. I heard there’s plenty of high paying jobs in North Dakota.
Let’s see if you can work with the white men up there with your current attitude, instead of living off of a black woman down here where it’s “safe”.
Sure, a few bits of the advice listed could apply to some black women. But being out-of-order seems to be a specialty of negroes.
I’m gonna say it again, as I’ve said it before: you are not entitled to special attention or deference from us. Let’s treat one another with respect, be polite in public and take it from there.
If what I wrote doesn’t apply to you, then don’t get upset.