Posted on | December 30, 2011 | 33 Comments
I know if I made money the way Hollywood did, I’d be ecstatic. Especially when you have the most creative accountants in the world who can turn billions earned into “losses”. All legally, of course. That’s what you get for having the US Congress in your back pocket. I expect when their earnings decline even more, they will be asking for public funds to keep the business afloat (See General Motors). That will occur right after they make it illegal for anyone to say or watch anything on the Internet (pending legislative as of now).
But I digress, imagine being able to push garbage at people and compel them to head to a filthy, loud and uncomfortable theater just to sit through crappy schlock for nearly three hours? That clearly takes genius to run this con year after year, week after week and day after day. If they think they are losing money now, wait until everyone can download a film in the blink of an eye and re-create a movie theater at home without the nuisance, annoyance and hassle of a public one.
Nothing To See Here, Move Along
The box office take for Hollywood has been weak: headlines blurb about the lower attendance rates. A money quote from the BBC article:
“It’s unbelievable how bad it is,” said Hollywood.com analyst Paul Dergarabedian.
Are we supposed to weep for them? I thought this would be a bonanza year, since they have defenders, who say that films with too many black people – men and women, not just the guys – wont make money. This was the year of the whitest films around.
I’m usually a movie fiend, but this has been the year where I missed many of the “blockbuster films”, except for X Men: The Lamest Generation and Mission Impossible: Making Tom Cruise Hot Again. There may have been another, but I often forget a film the minute I leave the theater.
Come Back, Again, Ya Hear!?!
This was the year of sequels, remakes, prequels, comic books and animation. Proof of Hollywood’s emptiness.
|1||Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2||$381.00||WB|
|2||Transformers: Dark of the Moon||$352.00||P/DW|
|3||The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1||$272.00||Sum.|
|4||The Hangover Part II||$254.00||WB|
|5||Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides||$241.00||BV|
|9||Rise of the Planet of the Apes||$176.00||Fox|
|10||Captain America: The First Avenger||$176.00||Par.|
|13||Kung Fu Panda 2||$165.00||P/DW|
|14||X-Men: First Class||$146.00||Fox|
|15||Puss in Boots||$143.00||P/DW|
|20||Horrible Bosses||$117.00||WB (NL)|
The fresh entries: The Help, Bridesmaids, Super 8, Horrible Bosses, Rio and Rango. So, out of the top 20, roughly 6 of them were “original”, fresh-out-of-the-box material. Heh.
The Non-Mystery of the Twilight Lure
Honestly, doesn’t Breaking Dawn sound like a porn title, or is that just me?
The funniest thing I’ve read were reports of women having “seizures” at this latest Twilight film, and no one knew what it was. It’s called an orgasm, people. Sheesh. It’s the 21st century and female biology is still a mystery. Um, women like Twilight and Vampire flicks, because of the eroticism. The yearning, withholding and anticipating. He’s a bad boy, and an eternally powerful man who bites and licks the neck, targeting one of the erogenous zones of the female body.
Yeah, “seizures.” Okay.
The Black Actress: Inclusion or Exclusion?
Forgive me for not listing all shows, or movies with a black actress. If you find some with a black actress of interest, please add it to the comments section. Let’s look at the top films of the year and see if that hypothesis is true, you know: less black women (or nice black male actors) equals more money per film.
When I glance at cast credits, I look at the first 5 to 10. They get the most speaking roles, so even if a black actress gets one line and is part of the scenery – to me – that doesn’t count.
Films that include black women in starring roles also (animation doesn’t count):
1. The Help – love it or hate it, we got a film about being maids, in 2011. Thank you, Hollywood. Thanks so much. All we black women can do is still be maids in the 21st century. A black woman is First Lady, but these people have us doing roles cleaning some white woman’s toilet with dignity! whilst pretending that’s got something to do with civil rights. Alrighty, then.
2. Bridesmaids – big hit – from the people that brought us Hangover. Not sure how much of a role she played, but Kali Hawk (love the name) is in it.
Update: Somehow I missed Maya Rudolph, and she’s one of the stars!
Thank you for the tip, Vonnie!
3. X-Men – Does not have a black actress with two black parents, but a half-half of two half-half was in it. So, I flipped a coin and decided to include Zoë Kravitz.
Here’s the bottom 20 movies of 2011 for comparison:
|88||A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas||$34.00||WB (NL)|
|90||The Rite||$33.00||WB (NL)|
|92||The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)||$32.00||Sony|
|93||The Adventures of Tintin||$31.00||Par.|
|99||Winnie the Pooh||$26.00||BV|
Anything Else We Need to Know?
An action film with a black actress is a miss, but the black actress as a maid might be up for an Oscar? Oh well.
1. Columbiana – Zoe Saldana. Perhaps she should stick to romances or something. Seriously, no one is going to believe that a 55 pound woman – soaking wet – can kick anybody’s ass.
2. Drive – Tiara Parker – don’t know if she has much of a role.
3. Larry Crowne – Tarina Pouncy – don’t know if she has much of a role.
4. Courageous – Eleanor Brown – don’t know if she has much of a role.
Notice that a lot of the big stars made spectacular flops this year? People are tired of them too.
Some of the bottom films are likely new releases, so those numbers will change for next year.
And that’s all folks….
Happy New Year.