When Am I Gonna Write About ‘Black Love’?

Posted on | February 2, 2012 | 15 Comments

One of these days, when I have the time… and it is Black History Month.

Although if folks want to get the ball rolling you may start talking about it.

Comments

15 Responses to “When Am I Gonna Write About ‘Black Love’?”

trish
February 2nd, 2012 @ 11:31 PM

For me black love means loving myself. I have always been interested in marryiing interacially so I don’t think I will have romantic black love. I appreciate my parents “black love” because I would not be hair without it lol.

GoldenAh: I like this sentiment. I like men. I enjoy them in all flavors of the racial / cultural rainbow. That doesn’t represent self-hate. That’s a wealth of love I’m willing to share.
trish
February 2nd, 2012 @ 11:33 PM

here instead of hair.
Oshun
February 3rd, 2012 @ 7:39 PM

April Fools is a couple of months away! I appreciate the early prank!

GoldenAh: Sort of like Christmas in July.

I was searching for something on this topic, but kept drawing a blank. Honest.
Daphne
February 4th, 2012 @ 12:28 PM

LOL @ Oshun’s comment about April Fool’s.

As for black love…I’ve never understood the obsession with it. At the end of the day, MOST blacks who marry do so with each other, so it’s all around, if you’re looking for it. And in most TV and film productions “targeted” to black people, there are black couples. Maybe I’m lucky enough to have come of age in the 80s and 90s, when the diversity of TV shows with blacks was at its peak, coupled along with knowing and seeing married black couples in my family, including my parents, growing up. Perhaps those are the two factors that determine one’s focus?

Anyway, I suppose black love to me means that black women and children receiving the love, protection, and devotion that most others receive in the Western world.

GoldenAh: Oh, great points, Daphne! You got me thinking that this hunger for “Black Love”, the constant demands for it must be by those who miss it, don’t understand it, never had it, and are treating it like an exotic breed that is dying out. And that shouldn’t be the case. It used to be there on every Urban Radio station, on a good TV show with an all-black cast, in higher marriage rates, stable neighborhoods, less domestic violence and child abuse.

Now-a-days, I’m just hard pressed to think of who’s today’s Teddy Pendergrass, Barry White, Earth Wind and Fire, Commodores, and countless other “Black Love” music groups are. And look at the direction we’re heading in: music videos, TV shows, and movies written and directed by black men who will not even consider black women as romantic love interests. As we know, some of these fools are proud to announce how much they despise “dark skinned” women. Idiots.

Then there’s the other good point you’ve raised: true “Black Love” involves work, responsibility, commitment, dedication and doing the right thing, not just looking for a feel good movie or song. If “Black Love” truly existed so many black children wouldn’t be going hungry, living in extreme poverty, be the highest number in foster care, or living in homeless shelters with their mothers.
faith
February 5th, 2012 @ 3:22 AM

@Daphne The “most” blacks who do marry are a scant 35% maximum since nearly 65% of black males never marry with a near even split between inter and intra racial marriages. Not to mention the quality of these relationships is questionable at best with higher performing bw being guilt-tripped into marrying ex-cons, underemployed, undereducated males because the so-called successful ones want the 1-drop types and have major unresolved issues. Even when they get their desired type there’s problems Look at Heidi and Seal
Daphne
February 5th, 2012 @ 12:40 PM

Faith – I’m aware of the numbers of blacks who marry isn’t a majority. As my statement indicated – most blacks who marry do so with each other. That’s still an accurate statement, at least as of 2008, according to a Pew study. I haven’t seen any numbers that indicate black male marriages are 50/50 interracial vs intraracial, so that’s news to me.

It’s certainly no secret that most blacks don’t marry, period. My perspective was more in response to those looking for “black love” – I perceive there’s plenty of it, if one looks for it. Of course, that’s not counting one’s individual environment.

That said, I agree with you wholeheartedly on the quality of the marriages. But I assume those who seek out black love aren’t all that concerned with quality – just quantity.
Jamila
February 6th, 2012 @ 1:10 AM

“I was searching for something on this topic, but kept drawing a blank. Honest.”

You took my comment right out of my head and put it on the screen before I got a chance.

“Black love” was invented in 1972, the same year as “sex”…

That’s all I got so far.

GoldenAh: Ah, yes, the golden age.
lady dat
February 8th, 2012 @ 4:45 PM

I’d appreciate ‘black love’ more if black MEN start standing up and putting down c/rappers with their nonsense…how come C. Delores Tucker and Dr.James Dobson had to do so….c/rappers like Cray-Z,(i feel sorry for their daughter, money dont buy everything) Dung Money, Duck, Little Weeeighn,,,etc.it has to come from the MAN..BTW im noticing that women come on putting out pictures of their S/O more than MEN anyway…thanx for letting me rant @XD

GoldenAh: I think like Oshun said: Don’t hold your breath. These guys are gonna have to be written off like bad debt. I think enough time has gone by that we need to realize that they’re never gonna step up and be men.

Thanks for stopping by, Lady Dat.
Oshun
February 10th, 2012 @ 5:25 PM

Lady dat

Don’t hold your breath…

BM don’t care for a whole host of reasons. Neither does the old guard of the civil rights movement. You have to remember that some distinguished black professor (gag/snark) believe that it is in BMs nature to be misogynistic and have stated so publicly to the white folks.

Then there are BW of varying ages who will literally become a living sacrifice to spare BM the consequences of their actions.

So there you go…
Tiffany
February 10th, 2012 @ 10:46 PM

Why would you write about dead and dying stuff for? Let the dead bury their dead; meanwhile, write about something that is alive and has substance.

GoldenAh: Tiffany, good point. I was trying to be nice, though.
Herb (the good man)
February 18th, 2012 @ 3:27 AM

Hi,

I stumbled upon your website while reading reviews for the a movie. I am a black male who does care about the general well being of young men and women which brings me to my next set of questions. I believe contrar to what the general consensus is, its very helpful and fundamental that black women have their own outlets to quote on quote “release steam” and speak of their plight not only as a woman but as a woman of color. Ironically today we are weak and don’t understand institutional racism because this new generation lives under the guise of integration and equality. Interesting enough though I find it very misleading and escapist for you not to address the obvious reason for blacks suffering in the areas of economics and other key areas such as overall quality of life. The mentality that further perverts young blacks that white is right is functioning and prevalent today. My question is was the hurricane Katrina incident not racist? Is the american media not to blame for its incessant archaic views of black americans as a whole? Even in modeling agencies owned by white men how many even support the idea of black beauty realistically besides the token black face? As black man and woman when will we realize the the repeated attacks on on the black family are and originate from the American powers that control the media (predominately white last time I checked….I know you heard what happened when Oprah made attempt to purchase a major news network!!!they aren’t “having it”). Honestly I understand why black women are hurt and they have a right to be, but you are deviating from the problem which is in order for blacks to prosper they must let go of the dependance from other races and fully understand the power of the black dollar and the influence we have, I know its quite the conundrum but you and I both know in a perfect world the only person that going to love and champion black women are black men. So I leave you on this note because you have the capacity and the intelligence to understand so you have a responsibility for all those who are in the dark (young black men and women instead of running why not make sure young black men will blossom and create and stronger future) Harriet Tubman once said, “She would have freed more slaves if they would have known that they were slaves” Meaning even at that time being in chains when freedom came instead most blacks opted to stay under masters care because they had a security blanket and actually thought they had a healthy relationship.Sadly most blacks still have this mentality today so virtually our way of thinking is remarkably unchanged. SO BLACK MEN AND WOMEN QUIT USING WHITES AS SCAPEGOATS FOR OUR PROBLEMS AND START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SELVES LIKE ALL OTHER RACES HAVE DONE FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS……!!!!!!!!!

GoldenAh: See next comment for the excellent response. I love it when the ladies break it down for folks.

Thanks for stopping by, Herb.
Can't Think of a Good Name, sorry!
February 19th, 2012 @ 4:24 PM

Hi! I’ve been lurking the BWE blogs for a couple of years now without leaving a single comment, mainly because by the time I could get my thoughts together, someone else already has said what I was thinking, and said it more eloquently and succinctly to boot. But as a now older and wiser woman (not old-old, but probably older than 98% of the folks posting here), I couldn’t resist delurking to address this ancient, exceedingly familiar argument from “Herb (the good man)”.

Ladies and (especially) girls–it’s been said before and better, but I’ll say it again, as plainly as I can: “Black Love” and “preserving the black family” is the biggest derail in the history of derailments. Please do not get suckered in! It’ll distract you from enjoying your hot, youthful, marriageable years, and it’ll make you one of those sad, tired, lonely carrying-the-burdens-of -”the race” women in your old age if you’re not careful. Just.don’t.buy.it. Live your life and let “the community” sort itself out on its own time.

Seriously, Herb, the first time I heard the equivalent of “As black man and woman when will we realize the the repeated attacks on on the black family are and originate from the American powers that control the media”, I was in my teens and wearing flares…when they were FIRST in style. Now they’re in style again, and the latest Pew report says that (I quote) of the black men who do marry, “24% of all black male newlyweds in 2010 married outside their race”. Which powers that control the media forced (at gunpoint?) those black males to redefine what “black family” means for them? You’re a man…why not go to a men’s site and talk things over? Why are you coming to a black woman’s site to complain about our redefinition of “a good man” when nearly a quarter of black men are not creating “black families” according to what seems to be your definition? More black women are exploring their romantic options in the global arena just as black men have done, and I think it’s beautiful.

You said, “I know its quite the conundrum but you and I both know in a perfect world the only person that going to love and champion black women are black men.” Um…no. Nooooooooo. Any reasonable fit and well-groomed black woman with a passport knows this is not true, even in this imperfect world of now. (I sure learned. My late beloved was UK-born. Travel, ladies!) You’re not a woman, Herb, so you may not know what makes a woman really feel loved and championed in her heart of hearts. Hint: long winded poetry about “Nubian goddesses” is not it. Most women feel loved and championed by the actions of an individual man, not typed words or abstract political thoughts. Closer: Proposing to her. Marrying her. Being a true father to the children you have created together. Getting up early to shovel the walk in the winter so that it’s safe for the kids to get to the school bus. Working extra hours to put money into a college fund for the kids. Backing her up, personally, morally and financially, when she deals with institutional racism or sexism at work or in the neighborhood and knowing she’ll do the same for you and for your family. Being a masculine man, and enjoying her being a feminine woman. Again, I’m older and perhaps a little old fashioned, but I daresay a lot of women would treasure all of the above much more than empty words on the internet(s) about “the strong and regal black woman, backbone of our people”. Words don’t keep us warm at night, nor help pay the family grocery bill. A man of ANY color who is a real good MAN in a black woman’s life is a blessing to “the community”, don’t you think?

Really, Herb, if you’re interested in helping the black family, be a good husband and father, no matter what the ethnicity of your wife. Already doing that? Congratulations! You have helped black males to blossom more than you know. But if you’re reeeeally interested in helping, coming to a site like this to give the old tired “nobody wants you but us” and and “ignore your own interests and uphold a vague and noble sounding but nonexistent concept because nobody else will” bacillus bullfosis is…well, profoundly suspect. And I’m back to lurking.

GoldenAh: Wow. This comment is awesome! Awesome! Like a three-pointer before the buzzer! {{Getting my Lin-sanity moment in here.}} I am standing here in front of my laptop applauding and whistling. You tell it!! Tell it!

You have said this better than I could have thought of. You caught every single sneaky, backhanded, underhanded, sly point embedded in this guy’s comments. And I thank you for blowing each and every one of them away.

I love this advice: Ladies, live your life. Forget about the “black community”. Let the “brothas” fix the mess they contributed to! ‘Cause nothing seems to be stopping them from running after non-black women at a rate of 24% and rising!!!

Thank you so much for de-lurking. I truly luvs this.
Can't Think of a Good Name, sorry!
February 19th, 2012 @ 5:10 PM

GoldenAh,thank YOU for the enormous compliment–I’m blushing–and thank you also for this very much-needed website. I’m back to lurking, but I wanna add that I love what you do here!

GoldenAh: I really appreciate your contribution. So don’t hesitate to add something in the future – if the spirit moves you.

Take care.
Marie
February 24th, 2012 @ 4:31 PM

Black women have been championing the black community, black men, black church, black love since anyone even knew what to call what that was. I think it’s time that black women start championing the pursuit of their own happiness. Black love for the black woman should be the love that has her back and is willing to see her whole self and accept who she is. If that’s a black man great, if not, oh well.

GoldenAh: I think it’s that – “I’m so selfless, doesn’t that make me a good person?” – mindset that is ruinous. Nothing wrong with putting the self first. It’s imperative for a person to function normally and not be self-destructive. Otherwise, you wont know when, where and how to tell other people, “No”, when you need to rest-up from self-imposed martyrdom. Let the “men” take care of themselves, not every problem besetting black men is ours to solve. We have our own issues to contend with, and frankly I don’t see anyone in this world lining up to help us. So I don’t worry about anyone else, but us.

Thanks for the input, Marie.
Eva
February 27th, 2012 @ 11:50 AM

We black women have been doing for everybody but ourselves. Look at the statistics of black women who suffer from high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease. Why? because we’re so busy caring for others, we don’t have the time to go to the doctor for ourselves.

You know what happens at the end? We die and then everybody talks about “What a good woman she was.” and then THEY go on with their lives and we’re dead.

I’m not married but I date men of every race and have been doing so for years. I can’t say one race is any better than another, because dysfunction is everywhere, but I do believe that black women have to keep their options open and don’t think that just because a man is white, that means he will automatically disrespect you, and don’t think that just because a man is black he will automatically treat you like a queen.

GoldenAh: There’s no special magic with “Black Love”, that’s for people who want to fool themselves. And the fools have overwhelmingly been black women. Black males don’t even bother to hide their contempt anymore. They’ll make children with black women, then run off to marry non-black women. If they aren’t worried about keeping their mating and marriage options strictly to black women, neither should black women solely focus on black men. “Black love” is a ridiculous notion to contemplate, since it’s a one-sided affair anyway.

Any good man will do for a black woman. The amount of melanin in his skin has no bearing on how he will treat her.

And it’s okay for black women to be selfish: she’ll live a healthier and longer life that way.

Thanks for the comments, Eva.