For Black Women: R.I.P. Whitney Houston

55 Responses to “For Black Women: R.I.P. Whitney Houston”

1. Patricia Kayden
   February 12th, 2012 @ 12:28 PM

   “You cannot fake that kind of class.” I agree with you wholeheartedly. She may have come from the hood, but she definitely improved herself. Just wish she had married better. Her legacy is that she was a crossover hit machine, with “the voice”.

   I was praying that she would make a comeback, so this hit me hard. It’s funny that so far out of all the celebs who have passed, I’ve only cried for Whitney and Aliyah. RIP Girl!

   GoldenAh: That marriage was Exhibit A, Marry Well or Marry Hell. A good marriage improves you, uplifts you and makes you happy. And I know it’s not a utopian fantasy if it’s a good thing. A really bad marriage can … well, I’ll let Ms Whitney’s lost decade(s) speak for itself. It’s all about the company we keep.

   And yet, I still see black women crawling out of the woodwork to make it seem like who you marry doesn’t matter. I think a lot of us truly believe we are the “man” in the relationship. She’s the boss. The male spouse has so much influence over his woman it’s not funny. This is so elementary. There have been studies done: men pull the women in their direction, even affecting her IQ – he can drag it down!, not the other way around. And black women, who are female too, are not an exception to this reality. Some of us are dangerously delusional when it comes to male-female relationships.

   I’m still angry at her passing, maybe eventually I’ll be ready to cry.

   Thanks for your thoughts on this, Patricia.

2. bwlivingwell
   February 12th, 2012 @ 2:06 PM

   “I’ll be honest. I hate reading about people trying to make Ms Whitney into a rough neck girl or a hood-rat that hid it well from the public, because she grew up near or in Newark, NJ. Come on, now.

   You ever watch Whitney during her early days when she was being interviewed by the mainstream media nationally and internationally? You cannot fake that kind of class. You cannot fake speaking that well unless you went to a good school and learned how. You ever watch some our illiterate, uneducated and gangsta wannabe athletes struggle to utter a coherent sentence? So, why are people trying to put Whitney down there with them? Come on, now.”

   Thank you for saying this!!! That nonsense has really ticked me off. I didn’t know if people were lying or if it really was true. THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU THE LENGTHS BLACK MEN AND THEIR BLACK WOMEN DOORMATS WILL GO TO CODDLE DBR BLACK MEN. Even in her death, they still want to lay all the blame on her as if Beatdown Brown(Bobby not Chris) had nothing to do with the hell she was clearly going through. Any idiot can look at the videos and images of her before and after her marriage to Beatdown Brown and see the toll that marriage took on her and her career.

   I am so grateful that you, Evia, Gina, and everyone else with common sense is drilling it into our heads that WHO YOU MATE WITH WILL DETERMINE YOUR FATE. I’m already getting messages on tumblr from damaged bw who want to play dumb or act offended that I’m warning bw of what can happen if we don’t make the right choices. It is very scary how many bw refuse to open their eyes and face reality.

   People think it’s over now that Whitney’s gone…NOPE. These mistakes last for generations. What the hell is going to happen to their daughter? What….Bobby is going to raise her now??? Ha. It seems to me she is surrounded by enablers and damaged people. My prayers go out to the safety of their daughter and that someone responsible will look after her.

   As if things couldn’t get any worse, Beatdown Brown (Chris not Bobby) is scheduled to perform at the Grammy’s. It makes my stomach hurt. The beating incident between Chris and Rihanna is not that far off from the destructive relationship Bobby and Whitney had. Let’s hope Rihanna (there are reports she has had contact w/ him) gets the help she needs before its too late.

   GoldenAh: It’s a predictable horror movie. You keep screaming, “Don’t open that door!” And what do they do? They open that door. Even as they know there is a horde of drooling, hungry, brain eating zombies on the other side.

   I am so through with these folks. There must be some kind of parasite that’s infecting their brains.

   Thanks for the excellent input, Bwlivingwell.

3. Denise
   February 12th, 2012 @ 2:39 PM

   I’m “hood” and I can speak in complete sentences and enunciate properly. Contrary to what you think everyone in the “hood” is not some broke gutter snipe. There are many working class and middle class people in inner city neighborhoods who struggle mightily to send their kids to private and Catholic schools. Their children grow up well educated despite where they come from.

   And as for the music business, everyone knows that it has a history of devaluing Black artists. They didn’t get paid what they’re worth. So, it is entirely possible that two parents in the music business would be living in a middle income neighborhood. For instance, Mary J. Bilge’s father was a jazz musician, and even when he was with the family, they were living in the projects in Yonkers. The same with NAS. He grew up in Queensbridge, even though his dad is Olu Dara, the horn player.

   What I’m saying is, people can’t be judged by their zip code.

   GoldenAh: I am a NYC girl. So, don’t try and lecture to me about what I’ve seen, what I know, and who I know.

   I’m deliberately defining hood rats, ghetto and other kinds of rough necks for people who think that the “keeping it real” personae defines blackness. In my view, it’s toxic garbage that limits black people.

   Hey, if you wanna embrace “hood” then live with the consequences without complaint. It’s not a positive tag around here or anywhere else in the real world. So, if you want to be offended: knock yourself out.

   I like Mary J., but she’s a hood rat. She acts it, sounds it, didn’t finish school, and cannot mold herself into anything different. I admire that she continues to work on her self-esteem. She admits that she struggles with “issues”. Wherever she grew up scarred her emotionally. So, let’s not play cute here. Also, NAS is a knucklehead and a classless, base misogynist. And he’s nowhere as deep or intelligent as his fans want to believe he is.

   The distinction I’m making here is that some black people love “acting black”, which is substandard, uncivilized, ignorant and degenerate behavior, as though that is synonymous with being black. We’re human beings, not mentally impaired caricatures who continually need to act out for the entertainment of others. Being hood or ghetto is not something anyone with any sense strives for. So, you’re not getting any apologies from me on this topic.

   A lot of us who grew up in urban environments, such as myself, avoided the hood rats. Frankly, I’m very scornful of them and I make no bones about it. I hated anybody who’d try and persecute me for achieving high grades, dressing well, speaking well, pursuing “non-black” activities, and outlining goals to live the kind of life I want. I have no patience for any piece of garbage trying to dictate to me what “black” is.

   I’m not complimenting or condemning anybody based on their zip code. I’m certainly not playing that game here.

   Thanks for stopping by, Denise.

4. belleafrique
   February 12th, 2012 @ 3:22 PM

   Wow. I love this post. I never really thought about why Tina Turner left the US. Could be she was running from the Thought Police.

   About this whole marrying down thing. I wonder why so many bf celebrities marry down or not at all? (BY marrying down I don’t mean strictly financially, I mean even in terms of class and decent, mature behavior.)

   I find it really strange. I mean Vivica Fox dated 50 Cent. How now?

   GoldenAh: I can imagine that in all the years that Ike was knocking Tina’s head in, all the black folks around them said nothing, suggested it was her fault, and probably counseled her to stay with him. It literally took a change of religion, and her introduction to a different social circle, for her to decide to escape the clutches (mindset) of the people around her.

   By default, black people are so misogynist, whether a man is killing us quickly or slowly, we will be asked what we did to make the man upset enough to raise his hand towards us. ‘Cause it’s our fault for getting beat – no matter what. You cannot find people more twisted than this.

   Tina left America to save her life. She knew the deal; she’s still in Switzerland. My tour bus went past her house.

   I cannot even wrap my mind about Vivica and 50 Cent. I mean, really?

   I’m not even sure what black women are telling themselves anymore when it comes to certain kinds of black males. Maybe it’s the parasite in their brain at work. Beats me.

   Thank you for your comments, Belleafrique.

5. Faith
   February 12th, 2012 @ 3:32 PM

   Ah my head and heart hurts but dang it if this train wreck existence wasn’t going to come to it’s logical conclusion. I had a Pt 3 to my “Beat Her Down Brown” series but I was so tired of writing about atrocities. I felt conflicted about MJ because of his purchased white kids and inappropriate actions, but Whitney is different. And what’s scary is BW who aren’t famous are killing themselves every day over mess like this. Also, I remember the lesbian rumors about her and BFF Robin. It would have ruined her career to come out if that was true. We see how homophobic and enabling the black masses are. So if she was seeking “black” approval she certainly overextended herself to get it. She wrecked her voice and died before her time.

   GoldenAh: It does hurt. And I’m angry. You just hope they’ll find a way forward. Who likes being a pessimist and saying things wont get better for people? I’m always hoping they do well.

   I felt her marriage to BB was a 180 from where she was heading. That’s why I don’t buy any of that “she was always that way” wishful thinking. She got squeezed down into a box so the ignorant black masses could feel good about themselves. And I remember how much pain these people caused her about her friend Robin. It’s okay for black male entertainers to run around with their all male entourage 24/7 (even in the same hotel rooms!!), but heaven forbid a black woman has her own group of friends.

   You got me thinking about how cowed black women entertainers can be if they don’t “fit the script”. They watch their tongues, they watch how they dress, they watch who they hang around with, and seem to limit themselves to a small pool of useless, damaging people. And they know never ever to say nary a word about how the black male run media industry treats them so horribly.

   On the other hand, we got these black male entertainers literally insulting, abusing, and beating! black women on a daily basis. When these black males aren’t dogging us, they’re attempting it with other people(s), only to get spanked for trying that mess, because those groups will not tolerate any disrespect. But with us, when the abuse and insults fly, we get shrunken-headed parasite afflicted black women who will line up front and center to defend these guys. My favorite excuse will always be: “It’s not that serious.” It’s serious enough to get these BM fired, reprimanded or suspended when they issue milder insults to other groups though.

   We can only hope somewhere out there a few black women will connect the dots from some of these true-life cautionary tales.

   Thanks for the feedback, Faith.

6. belleafrique
   February 12th, 2012 @ 5:18 PM

   It sounds about right that Tina Turner left to save her life. I’m so happy that at least Tina gets to live a nice, peaceful and quiet life – hopefully until she is VERY old.

   It is so sad that Whitney didn’t get to enjoy that

   GoldenAh: I totally agree, Belleafrique.

7. Oshun
   February 12th, 2012 @ 6:27 PM

   Yes, yes, yes.

   After the initial shock my thoughts were “Lord what about Bobby Christina”? Her father is a fool with a capital F! God bless the child…

   “You cannot fake speaking that well unless you went to a good school and learned how.”

   I also was disturbed by the “hood” comments. I can compare her interviews/films to say an entertainer whose name starts with B (no stan attacks please). I can tell which between the two is a little more than functionally literate.

   Her life was pretty much derailed by that no good, triffling, sob of a husband – if you can call him that. I feel like she was being stubborn- like “I am going to make this work no matter what” – as if the failure of her marriage reflected on her in some way. When she was dealing with damaged goods to begin with.

   Denise. I am working class as well. Hood is not a term to claim.

   GoldenAh: You know, I’ve never heard, umm, Ms B speak in an interview. I’ve watched her in one movie, but I never considered whether that was her or the character she portrayed.

   You make a good point about Whitney stubbornly trying to keep that marriage alive. I think she knew that any failure would be cast as her fault. When she married him, that captivating and glowing Whitney gradually faded away. And then the rough edges appeared. But it wasn’t ’cause it was always there. The wrong man can take any lovely woman and wear down her beauty.

   I agree with you, Oshun, imagine all the energy she spent in trying to make that marriage work. People forget that BB went bankrupt. He was totally broke. Her estate or corporation bought out his foreclosed properties. She also had to deal with all those babies he had out of wedlock. She was the one that ended up feeding them for him. What woman deserved that kind of misery?

   See, I know all those black women out there running to make excuses for BB forget what a totally damaged and dysfunctional creature he is. But then again, they probably think it’s not a big deal to be with a black male so screwed up.

   I really do hope there is a supportive adult for Bobby Christina.

   Thanks for the great insights, Oshun.

8. Zabeth
   February 12th, 2012 @ 7:08 PM

   “I recently had some chicks at my job ask me why I’m always well dressed. Digest the stupidity of that for a moment. You don’t need to ask if they’re black.”

   I did Only because I’ve had non-black people ask me that. Not just because I work in a more casual environment but also because people make assumptions about who we are based on what they see and want to keep us in a certain box.

   GoldenAh: You got me. I’ve been given the 3rd degree over a car I bought many years ago. (Ten years and it’s still running.) Back then, I wanted to tell people I robbed a bank to get it, because the questions regarding how I could afford it were so ridiculous.

   We’re stepping out of that box, Zabeth. These folks better recognize.

9. Daphne
   February 12th, 2012 @ 7:45 PM

   Thanks for sharing your perspective, Goldenah. Profound and incisive post.

   Like you and others, I also recall the rumors of “Well, she was always like that” when she married Bobby Brown.

   I read a story on Yahoo! that Bobbi Christina was also checked into the hospital for unspecified medical reasons. I just hope she’s okay, though I can imagine her pain at losing a parent so young. I was 22 when my father passed away, a few years older than she, and it hurts. A lot. My sympathies to Whitney’s family. Her music had such an impact on me – and really…has there been another artist like Whitney? I remember when Mariah first hit the scene, and she was compared to Whitney. And while I cannot deny Mariah is talented, Whitney has always been my preference. Something about the richness of her voice…she will be greatly missed. I sincerely hoped that her divorce would breathe new life into her. Even as a young girl, I recall being disappointed by her marriage to Bobby Brown. Even my country, working class self thought she deserved better. Who you marry does indeed matter.

   As I mentioned on WOAD, I don’t know if Whitney could have made a comeback – I think her distinctive voice was damaged (though she STILL could outsing many popular voices today), and the music industry has evolved into something else entirely today. BUT, she still had so many years of music ahead of her. It’s a damn waste. I’m glad that you mentioned Tina Turner – Tina survived her hell of a marriage, and come out the other side stronger, but she also got the hell outta Dodge. I only wish Whitney could have done that as well.

   RIP, Whitney.

   @Oshun – I hear you about B. You read my mind. Hearing her speak in interviews is like nails on a chalkboard. All of that money, all of these years spent in entertainment, and no improvement in elocution?

   Even if she was from a tough neighborhood, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a sensitive, delicate, vulnerable and emotional woman. That’s the part that bothers me the most when people are dismissive of black girls or women who come from rough neighborhoods.

   I’m grateful that you mentioned this, though I completely co-sign that yes, Mary J. Blige is HOOD. Admittedly, I was harshly critical once upon a time, but then I remembered: several of the behaviors that many black girls and women are reamed for applied to me once upon a time. And I managed to change and evolve (pre-blogosphere). People who get to know me are usually surprised to know that I come from a family of working class parents, neither of whom graduated from high school, and were dirt poor until they married. I didn’t grow up in the hood, per se, but close enough to it and spent time around those kids that I exhibited similar behavior. But really – it was all a front – I was bookish, sensitive, and dreamed of traveling the world, doing things beyond my neighborhood. I just acted that way to keep other kids from bullying me (didn’t always work, mind you).

   In my mind, there will always be the “keeping it real” crew. But there has ALWAYS been that crew, in some form, from the day our ancestors stepped foot in what we know as the USA. This is why I am leery of waxing nostalgic about black people of the past – not everyone was enlightened, empowered, and concerned with uplift. PLENTY of blacks were ridiculous during slavery, Post Reconstruction, Jim Crow, and the Civil Rights movement. But there was no social media back then to put these people on blast. People could be selective in how history was presented, written, and preserved.

   Anyway, we can’t change the circumstances of our birth and the way we were raised. But for those of us not privileged enough to be born outside of the South, into the middle (or higher) class, to educated and/or 1st generation American parents, to parents who reared their children to become global citizens, etc – there is still a life of quality to be had, if you seek it.

   GoldenAh: My words will be inadequate, but I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I understand that pain like that never really goes away, esp. losing a parent at such a young age.

   It’s going to be extremely tough for Bobbi, because she’s going to be scrutinized, stalked, and talked about constantly in this 24/7 internet age. So yeah, I hope the best for her.

   I love to read, chill and be quiet for long periods of time. And I know like many of the ladies here, we all share similarities in background, education, goals, etc. on these blogs. That’s why I love our conversations here. It’s not about where we start, it’s where we’re going and how we make the best of the ride. Or something like that.

   Great comments, Daphne, as always, it’s a pleasure hearing from you.

10. zipporah
    February 13th, 2012 @ 1:03 AM

    Youre RIGHT—when girls try to go with the bad boys, the drunks and druggies, THEY will go down. not necessarily the man;My sis in law never drank much liquor until she married a drunk; he told her to drink and be the ‘life of the party’ he got off liquor and she died of alcoholism–Whitney reminded me of her– bobby got free of drugs but couldnt do it for Whitney–it’s too bad she got with bobby brown since he made kids before being with her and hes making babies AFTER HER. He even got a 3 yo son by another girl–i hope some men get ahold of him and tell him the ‘facts of life’ that he makes good men of all colors, bad

    GoldenAh: Wow. Sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. What you’re sharing is a powerful testimony to what happens in these kind of relationships. Slightly off topic, I honestly believe that the metabolism of some men can handle drugs / alcohol better than women. It’s more damaging to us long term than them.

    Ozzie Ozbourne has said he doesn’t understand why he’s still alive, but it turns out that something in his DNA processes drugs and alcohol differently.

    I couldn’t remember if BB had a child with another woman while he was Whitney, but that was another lash of pain to add to the others.

    Thank you very much for your input, Zipporah.

11. zipporah
    February 13th, 2012 @ 1:05 AM

    Ill be praying for Bobbi Kristina- she needs help since she is also a drug addict. I even heard she got into an arguement with her mom before she died. Being a teen and all, she’ll have lots of guilt

    GoldenAh: Although it’s not exactly the same, Liza Minnelli lost her mother, Judy Garland, when she was young too. Liza pulled through, and worked hard as an entertainer. Bobbi doesn’t have to do the same (sing, dance or act), but I’m hoping she can do something that works for her even if it’s sports, writing – just let it be something she can pour her passion and heart into.

12. zipporah
    February 13th, 2012 @ 1:41 AM

    Ah, the year nineteen88: Whitney became famous BEFORE nineteen88 and so many others.Michael Jackson; Van Halen, and Metallica for you rocker types. After nineteen88, the music seemed to get repetitive canned or fulla f*bombs ‘n’ c/rap etc. its really sad.They saying the music business is losing money, well when class comes back to all forms of music, maybe it’ll change, but not until.

    GoldenAh: I love 1980′s music, especially the rock of that era. I think it was their last hurrah and they went out blazing. Lots of classics from that period of time. Van Halen, yeah!!

    And you are right, the music industry – or the people who run it – killed it off. They have no one to blame but themselves for the decline.

    I’d say music has lost a lot of its “soul” somewhere along the way. The industry is too much about a quick buck than giving us pleasure.

13. Oshun
    February 13th, 2012 @ 6:11 AM

    “People forget that BB went bankrupt. He was totally broke. Her estate or corporation bought out his foreclosed properties. She also had to deal with all those babies he had out of wedlock. She was the one that ended up feeding them for him. What woman deserved that kind of misery?”

    I remember when I heard that she was paying his child support for what was it – 5 or 6 kids by as many different women?

    “See, I know all those black women out there running to make excuses for BB forget what a totally damaged and dysfunctional creature he is. But then again, they probably think it’s not a big deal to be with a black male so screwed up.”

    I think many don’t see him or men like him as damaged or dysfunctional. They see this as normal. They are simply supporting the beat down BM.

    “I really do hope there is a supportive adult for Bobby Christina.”

    I hope the grandmother can step in. Or it can end up worse that being internet stalked. She is of dating age and naive. She obviously became the parent due to her parents issues. She is extremely vulnerable after losing her mother. She has some wealth possibly and/or social capital due to her mother.

    I can easily see vultures and sharks circling.

    GoldenAh: Show business or the entertainment industry is tough. There’s not enough money to make me want to be “famous”. Everything you do, all the embarrassments and humiliations are never private. You can’t trust anyone, because it could be front page the next day, or tweeted in an instant. How do you protect your children too? I couldn’t hack it. I’d probably be strung out half the time myself. (Just kidding.)

    No wonder some entertainers become reclusive. I cannot say I blame them.

    Oshun, the fact that BB is seen as “normal” with his dysfunctional self… I’m speechless, then I think back to some women I know. Yeah, you’re so right. His kind of behavior is to be endured. You cannot even say anything to the women who put up with it. Unbelievable.

14. whateverlola
    February 13th, 2012 @ 9:49 AM

    *sighz* my FB timeline is filled with folks pressing for prayers for BB. Really? Bobbi Kristina is really going to need to be shielded and protected; I’d say, she may need to leave the US.
    I also noticed that many took Jennifer Hudson’s tribute as another opportunity to snipe at JHud about her weight loss. I thought to myself, they dogged Whitney to the grave, and now the jackals are on to drag another BW down.

    GoldenAh: I really like JHud. I hope things continue to look up for her. She wants better for herself. Apparently some folks want her to stay the same – fulfilling the role of the big sassy black woman. And wisely, she’s decided that’s not for her.

    I hope she continues to stay lovely, slim and fit. I want to see her act in roles that let her shine.

    Thanks for stopping by.

15. Faith
    February 13th, 2012 @ 11:35 AM

    Quick update – Kim Burrell was on HLN this morning assuring the viewers Bobbi Kristina is being looked after. Kelly Price was on there and the Today Show. They’re guarding Whitney’s legacy. as good friends would do. I think everyone’s still in shock.

    The readers might be interested in looking up the Piers Morgan show from Friday. He had just interviewed Jennifer and asked about being compared to Whitney and why she was getting the haterade about her weight. It was with Clive Davis. Freaky how it was the night before Whitney’s passing.

    I had to come back because as a blogger and advocate for BW, I was really moved reading your perspective of focusing on Whitney’s friendships with other black women.

    Some of you may have witnessed some of the recent public conflicts/personal issues on other sites. We’re all not ever going to agree on everything. That’s ok. It really brings home why we have to love ourselves first and replace suicidal mentalities so we can focus onward and have deep and abiding relationships.

    GoldenAh: Thanks for the update, Faith. That is good news, knowing BK will be looked after. Don’t hesitate to stop by: your contributions are always welcome.

    The following are some links to the Piers Morgan interview with JHud and CD:
    - Clive Davis on Seeing JHud for Dreamgirls – Screentest

    - Several Clips from Piers Morgan – JHud, Clive Davis and others

16. Mikey Tandino
    February 13th, 2012 @ 12:01 PM

    Why oh why would they dog Jennifer for the weight loss? Really some of these Black women are so jealous and selfish.

    On topic, this is the same reason they relished in Whitney’s behavoir on that Being Bobby Brown show. It made them feel good that a woman of so much stature and means could behave in the same exact manner that they did. They did not see it as the abboration it was.

    I always said that Bobby Brown character was the beginning of her end. People are attacking Clive, but I think he was really trying to help her. If the help was motivated by potential earnings, fine, at least he was trying to help.

    Im all messed up over this. I thought very much when I heard she died, and by no means do I believe they are saviors, how different Whitney’s life might have turned out if she married a non-black man on her same stratospheric level. Or even a black man who was not as famous, just supportive and sane.

    I hope Cissy Houston steps in and gets a hold of Bobbi-C, I cringed to think what will happen if that Brown side of the family is allowed to sink their claws in.

    GoldenAh: Ahh, you’ve taught me something today. (I haven’t had cable or a TV in years. I watch stuff online.) I had no idea there was a show with BB that had Whitney in it. Maybe I had forgotten. That’s probably what cemented the image that Whitney was “rough” or “crazy” from the get-go in people’s mind. I finally understand that perspective now.

    Clive Davis has always been consistent. He’ll discover a black woman, assist her in becoming a superstar, and stay with her throughout her ups and downs. And if he was that bad, no one would certainly give him the time of day.

    Yes, Ms Whitney needed a steady, goodhearted, sane and decent, non-dysfunctional man. That would have made a world of difference.

    Thank you for that information, Mikey.

17. a reader
    February 13th, 2012 @ 1:18 PM

    Hello. Thank you for this insightful piece on Ms. Houston. I lurk your site and always find it informative. With this article on Whitney, once again you (and those who comment here) have given me a new perspective and insight that I can’t find anywhere else.

    Could I ask you something, though? Could you stop calling Black females “hood rats”? I absolutely HATE that term. In my opinion, it carries the same level of hate and vitriol as the N-word; but specifically aimed at Black women. It’s the same as the N-word, in the sense that it is derogatory term, in this instance created by Black men, to describe Black women. I hate that Black women use this term to describe each other. It parallels the way Black men have taken the N-word and turned it on themselves.

    I know this has nothing to do with the passing of Whitney. Please don’t take offense to my pointing this out at this time of remembrance. But I think its important and wanted to mention it to you.

    GoldenAh: I counted the number of times I used the word “hood rat” in the blog post: once.

    If I really really wanted to be offensive, I could have chosen words that would have made this blog NSFW and only accessible to people over 25 years of age.

    What do we call these “females” who do the following: 1) stalk a girl from school to school, transferring to where she attends in order to stab this person in the heart at the end of the school day, 2) take a box cutter to a girl’s beautiful brown face, 3) insist on harassing a girl from school day after day simply because she “doesn’t look right” or “talks funny”, 4) and last but not least, get a bunch of girls to jump and beat down another girl just for the hell of it. And that was a tiny sample of savagery, I could’ve added more. So, if that’s not the behavior of a “hood rat” … nevermind.

    Of course, that expression should be considered degrading and hateful. That’s the intended purpose.

    However, next time some busybody wants to “wag the finger of naughtygirl or shame” at me about what I should write, what words I should use, or what I need to remove from my blog gets deleted or banned. I’m not politically correct. Never will be.

    So, some of y’all need to put on your big girl panties on and stop looking to be offended. It’s like you read past every incredibly valuable contribution everybody made just so you can focus on something to be bothered by.

    It’s bloody idiotic.

    Have a good day, my dear concerned troll reader.

18. Marie
    February 13th, 2012 @ 1:28 PM

    I am so sad that she died. I guess somewhere inside I was still hoping that she would pull it together and stage a great comeback. I guess that will never be. Unlike when MJ died, this has me truly broken up. WH sang the soundtrack of my childhood and I am sadden by her passing.

    I hope that her daughter will find the courage in her mother’s passing to take the necessary steps to avoid a similar fate. Here’s hoping that there is enough of an estate left that will give BK independence and the opportunity to live the best life possible.

    You’ve said some incredible true things, I hope BW hear you and take it to heart. I am one of those outcasts who doesn’t fit the mole I am told I am supposed to fit. But that’s ok, because I want to live.

    Thanks for a great read.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for those lovely words, Marie. I really appreciate you stopping by and saying how you feel. Take care.

19. Bellydancer
    February 13th, 2012 @ 1:53 PM

    I think Whitney married Bobby because people were bullying her about her friend Robin who did try to keep Whitney from using drugs, but Bobby influenced her with that plus you know some women will choose a bad man over a good friend to appear normal or what is normal to black folks. We know how some bm can be “why your friend always over here , why you go over there so much”. Too bad because with another husband she would not have suffered like that. Lots of white men wanted to get with her but she was probably scared and since the black police were already criticizing her for singing white music who knows what she was told by certain people.
    Musical success had taken her out of the hood why she felt the need to go back…. SMDH
    Chuck D and all these other black folks need to sit down and stop blaming Clive Davis and the industry yes we know it’s hard but her home life was messed up too. Whitney had made enough to retire had Bobby not spent up her money.

    GoldenAh: You are so right, Bellydancer. I feel she was pressured to do a lot of things. And guys can be so jealous of a woman’s girlfriend, but it’s okay to hang with his boys all the time. A woman has to put everything to the side just so that petulant big-baby man-child can be the center of attention.

    How could black women, like Pearl Baily and Lena Horne, during the most racist segregation era manage to marry white men who protected them? And today we have black women entertainers afraid of the criticisms of black folks who could give a rip about them? It’s doggone puzzling.

    Great to hear from you, Bellydancer.

20. Eva
    February 13th, 2012 @ 3:12 PM

    I am just so sad about Whitney. I believe the woman was an addict and IMO, addition is a disease. I hate that people feel just because of where Whitney grew up, that made her an addict. Nothing makes you an addict, you are or you aren’t. You could grow up on Park Avenue and summer in the Hamptons and sill be an addict. Addiction knows no color, race, class or economic background. BB was a hot mess and I resent him for putting her on his stupid TV show, because he used her to build up his fame. But I don’t believe he made her an addict. He, however enabled her behavior.(see the old movie “Days of Wine and Roses”)

    I feel for her mother, and her daughter. I remember when that show was on TV and people were laughing AT Whitney. I wondered what her daughter was feeling. It’s not right to make fun of someone who’s sick and suffering.

    GoldenAh: Yes, I agree – addiction is tough to fight, it doesn’t matter your background. The first hit is incredible, and people crave repeating it, but the high diminishes while the concentration gets stronger. So they go to the next drug that’s a lot stronger. Once the brain gets that kind of stimulation, it wants that experience again – no matter what. That’s why so many people overdose.

    Miles Davis stopped doing heroin cold turkey. One day he just stopped, but unfortunately that doesn’t happen with everyone.

    There are lot of things people get addicted to, not just drugs either. {{raising eyebrows}} The weirdest I read about are people who’re playing video games until they drop dead. Video games make me dizzy. I find them boring, but I suppose everybody has something they could get fixated on, I guess.

    Yeah, I’m learning from you ladies about the BB show. I remember when In Living Color used to make fun of Whitney and BB.

    Thanks for the input, Eva.

21. Marie
    February 13th, 2012 @ 3:39 PM

    If anything Clive Davis probably kept her alive longer than she would have lived. I am certain the man is as self serving as all the other executives in Hollyweird, but he seemed to have a geniune affection for Houston. He never distanced himself from her, no matter how far she fell, can’t say the same for many others.

    I have no doubt she struggled with various issues before Brown, but I also believe that marriage to him made her struggles worse. Marriage to someone less troubled would likely have inspired her to get her act together.

    GoldenAh: That’s it in a nutshell, Marie. There are men who can bring out your worst, and men who can bring out your best. That goes for friends and family. It may seem mean, but the best thing is to cut off people who cannot encourage us to do better.

    Thank you for your adding perspective. I enjoyed reading it.

22. Daphne
    February 13th, 2012 @ 3:57 PM

    Thanks, Goldenah – It’s been several years since my dad died, but I can relate to what Bobbi might be feeling.

    I’ve not been following all of the press since Whitney’s death (so much is overdone, overanalyzed, and overwrought in media coverage due to the 24/7 information age, so I just read what I need to), but it is good to read that Bobbi Kristina has a support system. She’s gonna need it, especially now.

    GoldenAh: I’ve been off of Facebook for a day or two. Some of the stuff I’m seeing there is making me so mad. I’m holding my tongue.

23. Vinindy
    February 13th, 2012 @ 5:52 PM

    “The wrong man can take any lovely woman and wear down her beauty.”

    cosign 100%

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Vinindy.

24. a reader
    February 14th, 2012 @ 2:22 AM

    Wow. Your response is not what I was expecting. My apologies if my opinion triggered something. I just think that that word is used to demean and diminish Black women. I heard it enough from Black men as a generic term for Black women. To me, it seems we are co-opting and normalizing that derogatory language (in the same way we co-opted the N-word) to our detriment. That doesn’t make me a troll and it doesn’t mean I was trying to shame you and it doesn’t make me a pc person. It’s just my opinion. Again, I’m sorry, particularly if I triggered something. Peace.

    GoldenAh: Since you seem sincere, I’ll take your word for it that you’re not trolling. I accept your apology. If you were a regular contributor – one of the many ladies here who I am familiar with and they have carte blanche to say anything – I would have mulled it over.

    Since I’ve explained myself enough already, I’ll leave this subject to die here.

    By the way, you’re welcome to return. But please use a “name” next time.

25. trish
    February 14th, 2012 @ 6:39 AM

    I completely agree with your assessment of the situation and I agree with much of the comments. I am really saddened by her passing. I think her life serves as a real life lesson to black women about their choice of mate. It does not matter how high you soar as a woman, the wrong choice of mate can bring you crashing to the floor. Everyone can note the difference between Whitney before Bobby Brown and Whitney after Bobby Brown. Her entire demeanor changed during the tenure of that marriage. She seemed to become crass and her appearance suffered somewhat. I have no doubt that reveling in the company of Bobby Brown and his family and his concerns took over her whole life. It took away some of her dignity. I saw clips of her reality show on Talk Soup and I was horrified. I never actually watched her reality show but the clips on Talk Soup were enough to turn my stomach. You could literally and I mean literally see how marriage to a DBR could make you act like one. When she got divorced I was so happy. I really expected great things from her, even if it meant she left music and turned to acting. She could have been a mentor to singers with actual talent. She was starting to look and behave like the old Whitney we love and I was very happy for her new lease on life. I pray that she is in Heaven, where, her voice will be restored; her youth renewed and no more tears.

    GoldenAh: I’m learning so much. I knew she was turning rough in her behavior, but I didn’t know about the reality show. But your summation of her up and down is excellent. It fully encapsulates a snap shot of someone’s life, and we get to see for ourselves how much the kind of man we choose makes a difference in our life.

    Again, and others here have stated it, no matter how “strong” a black women thinks she is: that man will run and ruin your life, if he’s a DBR, and you cannot change him. We need to accept some of these differences between men and women.

    Powerfully stated, Trish. Powerful.

26. Oshun
    February 14th, 2012 @ 7:46 AM

    “So, some of y’all need to put on your big girl panties on and stop looking to be offended. ”

    Re: hoodrat. There should be distinctions made. All skin folks ain’t kin folks. I judge middle class black folks who have adopted gutter behaviors the same way. It is about values and behaviors. If a BW is on a suicide mission – thats her perogative. She’s not taking me and mine with her.

    @Daphne – so sorry to hear about your father.
    @Zipporah – that story re your sister in law was awful- so tragic

    GoldenAh: “Brevity is the soul of wit”. Oshun, I need to figure out how to keep it simple. What you wrote is so well stated.

    Thank you for the translation. ‘Cause I’m just about ready to pull out my hair. Y’all keep me sane.

27. Sherry
    February 14th, 2012 @ 5:28 PM

    As a singer, I am missing a formidable member of my family. I remember when she married Bobby and all I (and several others thought) was “Him? He is not even a grown man! I think that her drug problems were not the fault of Bobby, but Bobby was the kind of individual that would roll with it.

    I was sad to hear the difference in her voice; the clarity and the brilliance in her high notes …

    As an aside, I was talking to my Jazz Workshop director last night, and he thinks that Mamma Cissy was the real talent in the family.

    GoldenAh: Oh, you sing! Awesome. I admired the way she could go up without sounding high pitched – or like she’s screaming – that was impressive. But those years had to have taken a toll on her voice.

    I was looking for the song I heard from Cissy, but I got her mixed up with Phyllis Hyman (“You Know How To Love Me”). Another singer I missed. She died years ago – committed suicide. I loved her voice: so throaty and very sexy. But she never seemed happy either. Sigh.

    I feel so bad for these ladies. God gives them such a wonderful gift and they cannot even be allowed to enjoy it.

    Wonderful to hear from you, Sherry.

28. Daphne
    February 14th, 2012 @ 9:55 PM

    I came across this video on Youtube, and thought it was very appropriate, given the discussion going on. Very telling comments around the 2:38 mark. Whitney was speaking specifically of music in this context, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to extrapolate the pressures she faced overall.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Daphne.

    And what makes her so incredible. Her voice alone was musical. I’m listening to her, and thinking it’s just acapella – and she’s awesome.

29. Jacquie
    February 16th, 2012 @ 1:55 PM

    Great post, GoldenAh.

    I’m still in shock. Whitney was my girl-crush growing up. I mean, she is just an integral part of my childhood memories. Though I couldn’t understand it then, when she married BB, I was juts like ‘huh? okay’. I felt bad for how her life was transitioning, especially these past 15 or so years. When she came back with an album a couple of years ago, the impact was definitely noticeable, but the essence of Whitney was still there.

    When I found out about her death, I was laying in the arms of my boo. We were looking at something on his ipad when he pointed to the screen. When it registered what the text was that he had pointed to, my heart sank and tears came to my eyes. Such shock and disbelief. Then next day as I was traveling on I-85 back to the DC area, Whitney and I were JAMMING! I remembered so many memories that just flooded my heart.

    As another commentor stated above, I just can’t with all the news speculations and what not. What I did find interesting was that Whitney and Dorothy Dandridge died in similar fashion. And this saddens me about black female musicians. They are living in these tortured realities and die in hauntingly similar causes (i.e. drugs).

    RIP Whitney

    GoldenAh: A very poignant and touching comment, Jacquie. I think we all wished she went in a different direction, but I guess at the time she did what she felt was best. {{Sigh.}}

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

30. Soul Incites
    February 16th, 2012 @ 11:19 PM

    “Marry Well or Marry Hell.”

    GoldenAh, thank you for my new mantra.

    GoldenAh: You are welcome! I doubt I’m the first to say it, but I was in rhyming mode.

31. Yellow Moon
    February 16th, 2012 @ 11:56 PM

    I agree that marrying Booby Brown was, in the end, a self-destructive thing to do. She was bubbly and happy before that, and then that relationship starting draining away the joy of life that she was born with.

    And in terms of all these people now trying to impress upon us this revisionist history about Whitney Houston’s drug use before she met Brown, I have this to say: So what if Whitney smoked weed before she met Bobby Brown? Probably around 50 million people in the U.S. have smoked it, and it hasn’t killed them. Lots of people smoke it regularly. Bing Crosby lit up, Robert Mitchum burned one pretty regularly, Louis Armstrong smoked every day he could. Paul McCartney smokes weed regularly. Ss do non-famous people I know. When people say Whitney Houston was toking before she met Brown, I say a big, fat “So what”.

    Well, they say, a lot of people said she used cocaine before she met Bobby Brown. Yeah, her and everyone else I knew or met from 1980 to 1990. Everyone was a having a little toot, and now they’re all stay-at-home mothers, IT managers, insurance brokers, loan officers, bankers, lawyers, marketing executives, civil engineers, policemen, etc. It didn’t kill them, and some of them did a lot of it for a short time. And some of them did a little bit of it occasionally for a long time.

    The problem is when you do a lot of it for a long time. Now we’re getting to the problem that presents itself when you consider Whitney Houston marrying a low-life like Brown. If she had married a regular guy, a good guy, a stand-up guy, those things that she MIGHT HAVE DONE would have just petered out and been youthful indiscretions (and that’s if she ever did ‘em in the first place). But, instead, she married someone who wanted to keep the party going (with her paying for the party, of course), and the party kept going until it all went terribly bad.

    And that’s how I feel about these people fixing their mouths to make excuses for Brown, and heap the blame for their drug use on her.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for this, Yellow Moon. Because it seems like everyone has forgotten that very few people in the entertainment field wasn’t on something. You can go back to the 1930s and find people hooked on Heroin, Hemp, Hashish, Cocaine or Alcohol, etc. It is very hard not to be addicted to something in that environment. Even Drew Barrymore was addicted to cocaine (or whatever) and she was underage at the time. I’ve yet to see anyone condemn her with the kind of hate Whitney has received. One would think Whitney was the only person with a problem the way these hypocrites carry on. And being an addict hasn’t hurt Robert Downey Jr’s career at all….

    Like you, I’ve know people who were on all kinds of stuff: some are alive today, and some didn’t make it. I can only feel sorry for them.

    I think you make another interesting point here, too. No one wants to admit that Whitney was a better, much higher level, classier person than BB. It goes against this mantra that all black women are on the same level as the lowest black male. He could be toothless and homeless, he’s as good as a Harvard educated black women, which is ridiculous. That’s why people have to drag Whitney down a few levels to make her “hood” before she ends up with BB. And we all know that’s not true at all.

    Really glad to hear from you, Yellow Moon.

32. MsMellody
    February 17th, 2012 @ 12:22 PM

    Amen Yellow Moon!!!!! Amen.

    This marriage to BB is TEXTBOOK i tell you, TEXTBOOK example what to AVOID for all the bw who want to make a life of living well their priority!!!

    Whitney was just absolutely beautiful and this “hell marriage” she had just sapped her energy, her inner joy and peace and left her a shell of her former self.

    And today on TMZ I read a story about Bobby Brown saying “..you know in life we all have to MOVE ON sometime”……. I almost fell out of my chair in disgust.

    So yes Yellow Moon as you so well put it …Bobby WANTED the party to keep going just so long as he could PROFIT from it..and he kept that party train going until HE WAS READY to disembark ( cause lets face it he had worn Whitney down by then).

    So now this Bobby Brown person is ready to quote “move on”!!! Yes the audacity of it all is enough to make my keyboard explode!! Yep..move on to the next woman you got pregnant and married..move on to the undoubtedly ugly legal fight that is about to errupt.

    Just too sad and TEXTBOOK for words.

    GoldenAh: Hello MsMellody. Great to hear from you!

    And you are absolutely correct: this is a textbook case for young (and older) black women to learn from. It cannot be clearer than this. Watch who you marry. Your life is not trivial or a joke. Let’s stop telling ourselves we can “fix” or “upgrade” a man. That’s only something he can do. Let him get there on his own, but don’t wait on him. Don’t ever wait. Move on. Sometimes all he will do is talk: that’s part of his “con game.” A guy has to make self-improvements by the force of his own willpower, there’s nothing you can do for him.

33. MsMellody
    February 17th, 2012 @ 12:25 PM

    http://www.tmz.com/2012/02/17/whitney-houston-bobby-brown-concert-video/

    Here is the video..only watch it if you have the stomach for it. I couldnt watch it past the first three seconds..but I wanted to provide the proof of my earlier statement.

    GoldenAh: Thanks for the link, MsMellody.

34. Nysee
    February 17th, 2012 @ 1:45 PM

    I was thinking how BW, FLEE ASAP. I do ot care that even if it comes in a positive form of Black this and that , the bottom line we as BW will end up not looking our best. I was thinking how Whitney and Jennifer Hudson are being affected by DBR men.
    Jennifer Hudson indirectly through her sister and Whitney, directly through the person she married because a husband provides and uplifts not bring down.
    I have cleaned up my credit this year and paid off my debts.
    Next seeking second income.
    Just wanted to drop a line and keep up the good work.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for the input, Nysee. I’m glad to read that you are making progress in your life. Keep achieving! Follow your goals. I wish you lots of luck. A clean slate with no debts is the best thing to take care of first.

35. Olivia
    February 17th, 2012 @ 2:50 PM

    Yellow Moon, you nailed it.

    I heard some knucklehead say the other day that actually it was Whitney Houston that got “Booby” Brown on drugs, and now that she’s gone, he’ll be able to raise his daughter right. Of course, it was a brotha.

    All I can say is, it’s too bad she couldn’t have chosen more wisely in terms of a husband.

    Speaking of which, boy, would I love to know the whole story about her and Kevin Costner.

    GoldenAh: Even if it wasn’t KC, I wish she had someone like him to take care of her. I feel like in all of this, she had tons of friends, plenty of acquaintances, but no one to truly fight her battles for her. Did she really have a shoulder to cry on?

    No surprise that some folks will blame Whitney. After all, everything that goes wrong in a relationship with a black male is a black woman’s fault, he’s always a passive victim. LOL. Weird. That’s a Big Momma syndrome. He’s never a grown man, just a helpless child.

    Thanks for stopping by, Olivia.

36. Marie
    February 17th, 2012 @ 4:32 PM

    I always suspected that Costner had a little crush on Whitney, but she was married and seemed to have been completely committed to the Bobby relationship and having her child.

    GoldenAh: I wonder what lead her to think Bobby was a good option. I just wonder. Maybe he was fun, funny and a ball to be around. After a while, she probably thought he’d grow up and become mature. People always like to reassure women that men grow out of their immature knucklehead phases and improve after they see the birth of their child or what-have-you. But in this day and age, he has to be mature first. No one can afford to take chances anymore. As we can see in the “black community” there are plenty of 40-50+ year men sniffing around teenage girls pretending they’re young men.

    Thanks for stopping by, Marie.

37. Tiffany
    February 17th, 2012 @ 7:06 PM

    I watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney on OWN last night (it was a repeat, I believe). Although Whitney was well-dressed and poised as always, that face carried a lot of pain! The life she led over the past decade of so, she realized how much of it she let get by her-with hard living and a hellish marriage to boot. Some people will say that Bobby Brown was the undoing of her, and that may well be true. It is certainly a valid argument. However, if that is not the complete truth, and she was the way she was before he came into the picture, then Bobby Brown was the vehicle through which all that craziness traveled. In any case, all of this contributed to her untimely demise.

    I was hoping, like everyone else, that she would clean up, get right, and mount a triumphal return to the music industry. Sadly, it was not meant to be. My heart is with her family and friends, and most of all, with her daughter. It is my sincerest hope that she receives all the positive love and mentoring from the women in her family that she can get-and learn from her mother what it’s like to endure the consequences of settling for just any ol’ DBRBM.

    GoldenAh: She wasted nearly 20 years of her life on a silly clown. I’d be miserable too if I had to think about it. Her voice would never be the same. She was at the pinnacle of her fame. She was a super star. And I heard that KC said she was insecure. Maybe that lead her to clasp onto someone she thought would make her feel secure. We’ll never know. But I bet BB talked a good game. It’s no accident he has 5-6+ kids floating around. It takes a certain amount of persuasiveness for a guy that unattractive to get women to fall for him. (I don’t find him good looking. Never did.)

    We can only hope for the best for her daughter.

    Thanks for your contribution to this discussion, Tiffany.

38. Karen
    February 17th, 2012 @ 7:54 PM

    Yeah, she was light, she hung around white people, she sang pop music white people liked, and when the criticism from black people started about her not being black enough, she just figured she’d make amends by marrying a dark knee-grow with “swag” and some problems.

    No mystery there.

    I don’t for a minute believe the “sweet kid” routine when she first got famous was any kid of act to hide how “hood” she was in real life. She was a sweet happy kid.

    And Yellow Moon is right about Bobby Brown being the reason for more drug use, and also, if she could have married Kevin Costner (if that’s what comes out later), then this will be even more tragic and star-crossed.

    This whole thing just makes want to cry and it’s just so damn sad to think about woulda, coulda, shoulda.

    GoldenAh: She was such a big big mainstream crossover star, and it seemed like black people couldn’t handle it back then. It was like how folks went nuts when the Cosby Show first came on. Seems like we all have to be “hood” in order for some black people to feel comfortable. Strange and bizarre. That’s not a good way to see your people. I’m excited and thrilled to see or hear about “upper class” black folks. I want more of us to be that way. Not the opposite. Doesn’t mean I dislike the poor when I say that. Everybody can be dignified regardless of income.

    I’m glad she got to be a superstar and sing some great songs while she had the chance. I wish she had a happy ending, but … life can be unfair in some ways. {{Sigh.}}

    Thanks for stopping by, Karen. Much appreciated.

39. Karen
    February 17th, 2012 @ 9:08 PM

    BTW, I also agree about Tina Turner. She escaped from the jail of black people’s expectations and their clumsy judgements about her life. She got the hell away and good for her, I say. I too hope she lives to be 110 years old, and happy with her Swiss husband.

    GoldenAh: Wish I had the money, I’d be living right next door.

40. Shirley
    February 18th, 2012 @ 11:04 AM

    Oshun said:

    “Her life was pretty much derailed by that no good, triffling, sob of a husband – if you can call him that. I feel like she was being stubborn- like “I am going to make this work no matter what” – as if the failure of her marriage reflected on her in some way. When she was dealing with damaged goods to begin with.”

    No truer words were spoken. I wish people would just say it out loud so everyone can hear it. Instead, all the people that know her say, “I can’t speculate on that”, or “That’s not for me to say”, or “I can’t judge what went on in that marriage” or some variation of one of these deflections.

    Say it! The truth shall set you free! Whitney Houston’s life was going along great until she got mixed up with that no-account man.

    My message to her family is to just say it out loud, you’ll feel a lot better.

41. MsMellody
    February 18th, 2012 @ 2:09 PM

    So true Karen!!! So true.

    I am in total agreement about the Tina Turner comparison. And thank you to whoever put that into the stream of conversation here.

    Tina’s story is a great one. Came up from poverty – had fame – and eventually married well ( not sure if they legally have tied the knot but at least she is in a LOOOOOONG term stable relationship with a wealthy white man ) left the ABC crew ( acting black crew/chorus) long behind and kept steppin’.

    A powerful lesson indeed.

42. Olivia
    February 19th, 2012 @ 3:10 PM

    Having now seen the video clip of Kevin Costner giving the eulogy for Whitney Houston (and bawling like a baby when I watched it), it is obvious to me that he was in love with her. Who knows if they actually ever did anything physical, and it really doesn’t matter, because it is apparent that he cared deeply for Whitney Houston. That was a very moving, personal eulogy. I could only watch it the one time through because it is so emotionally raw.

    GoldenAh: I think he loved her. To what capacity, we’ll never know. I often wonder if they lived in Europe would he have married her. Over here, the racist / sexist anti-black woman crap is just too much. Like I said, it’s not an accident Tina Turner lives peacefully in Europe. I know it’s not utopia, but folks don’t seem as daft about BW / WM as over here.

    Thank you for your observations about KC / WH, Olivia.

    I was running errands Saturday, and didn’t get a chance to view the funeral. And based on what you say, don’t think I can handle the emotions right now.

43. Didi
    February 19th, 2012 @ 4:11 PM

    That was so sweet, thanks. It’s so refreshing to read another perspective on the enigma that was Whitney Houston; to be fair I have largely avoided most of the stuff being written as predictably it’s swerved from sickly sweet and hypocritcal to downright salacious! I also picked up on the ‘she was ‘hood” nonsense and how she was allegedly doing hard drugs way before she wed that DBR unmentionable sorry excuse for a male. All I can say is; whatever was going on in her life before him she was still dignified, well respected and wildly successful. It is NO coincidence that her career, appearance and reputation went downhill after she got with him. So all those BM-supporting/enabling trouts need to sit down STHU.
    *Deep breath*
    I grew up listening to Whitney- who can forget ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ or ‘I’m your baby tonight’ right? I owned all her CD’s, and LOVED the Bodyguard- admittedly I really watched it for Kevin Costner who I had a massive crush on:)
    Just the other day I happened upon my CD of ‘My Love is your love’ but you know what? I couldn’t play it. Weird as it may seem for someone I never knew but I actually feel too emotional about her passing to listen to her music just yet. Maybe one day.
    I feel incredibly sad that this beautiful, vibrant woman who had SO much to live for is gone..and yes part of the blame must be laid at the door of her DBR ex. I hope that one day soon we can concentrate on honouring her and the wonderful musical legacy she left behind without resorting to rumour-mongering and innuendo. When all that matters is she was a huge talent with an amazing voice.
    I also hope that she is truly at rest and at peace now.

    GoldenAh: Like you, it will be a while before I listen to her music. I’ve been avoiding most of the news about her, because these people make me sick. The vultures are coming out, and as usual that cannot say a good thing about her. We got people making excuses for men who beat women, rape and molest children – give them awards, let them entertain on stage – and these same people never hesitate to condemn Whitney.

    You know, I wish she did have a emotional Bodyguard in her life. That probably would have made a difference.

    Black women, we all need emotional Bodyguards: We need to remember to surround ourselves with people who love us, will nearly die for us and keep us safe.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Didi. Much appreciated.

44. Andrea
    February 20th, 2012 @ 10:52 PM

    Thank you for this post, Goldenah!

    I was so shocked by the news that Whitney Houston had passed last week, I could hardly believe it when it was announced. Most of the articles written about her passing have been at least somewhat sensationalized. It’s good to read something both positive and honest.

    I do not believe for one moment that Whitney was doing drugs before she met Bobby Brown. I remember many years ago, when I was still in high school, he and Whitney did an interview where he stated that before she met him she was really “uptight” and he helped her to “loosen up”. You can all guess what that meant.

    Last night I watched the eulogy by Kevin Costner that was posted online. It was not complete, but what I saw truly touched me. I think he did care for her deeply. It was quite obvious that he put a great deal of thought into what he would say. It’s good to know that there are people in Hollywood with reputation and power who are saying good things about her, and remember her with such fondness. And he was absolutely right, she was one of the best singers of the 20th century. If not the BEST.

    Some of the comments on this post remind me of what my parents told me growing up, about who you keep company with determining your fate.

    I can only hope that other young women with promise recognize that what happened to Whitney happened because she tried to “give a brotha a chance” and refuses to go down this dead-end road. I was pleased to see that her daughter’s boyfriend is not Black, I hate to say it that way, but it’s the truth. I can only imagine what she witnessed growing up with a damaged man like that for a father. Frankly, it renews my gratitude for my own late father.

    Anyway, I sincerely hope that Whitney is truly at peace now.

    GoldenAh: You are welcome, Andrea. And your words are just as touching. I find it hard to read the “mainstream” media, because no one seems able to say anything decent or positive about Whitney. Even the comment sections show the vileness of people. I feel protective of her image, because she reflects on us in some ways. We have to be careful what folks say about black women in the public eye, because they are quite happy to sneak in nasty racist / sexist comments along the way. They easily go from vilifying her (or some other black woman) to all of us.

    I appreciate and thank you for your thoughts, Andrea.

45. Olivia
    February 22nd, 2012 @ 10:19 AM

    SIGH…

    Depressing news this morning, as apparently Bobby Brown, still stinging from being “mistreated” at Whitney Houston’s funeral service, has been telling people around him that he’s going to release a “tell-all” book about the “real” Whitney Houston.

    He previously had such a book ready in 2008, but the publisher passed on it because of the low public interest in Whitney Houston at the time. Now, with interest in Houston once again high, and Brown in need of money, Brown plans to add more revealing text to the book and release it shortly.

    Well, doesn’t that just seem like something this crude, strutting, boorish, self-serving knucklehead would do? Jeez, I hope someone with some sense talks him out of this if he is indeed considering doing this. For his daughter’s sake, if nothing else.

    GoldenAh: That is sad, but not unexpected. He’s a parasite, like most of these DBR (damaged beyond repair) males that ruin women’s lives. He has no remorse, empathy or feelings for anyone else. It’s all about him. Unfortunately, his rotten ass might get the last word. He cannot even leave her legacy alone: he has to smother it with his fecal matter.

    Why anyone felt he needed defending is a mystery to me. I’ve seen tweets originating from Chris Rock saying BB should be left alone. It was re-tweeted by Gwen Ifil. I unfollowed her silly behind.

    Thanks for the heads-up, Olivia.

46. Daphne
    February 22nd, 2012 @ 9:20 PM

    Olivia, that’s so unfortunate, yet unsurprising.

    Speaking of unfollowing foolishness on Twitter, I did the same of a black woman who is a very well-known, and seemingly otherwise sensible Youtube blogger. She basically said that she hoped for only good things for Bobby Brown, and the family should not have hassled Bobby at the funeral. *throws hands up*

    It’s not that I have to agree with someone all the time, but I just can’t co-sign fuckery like that. It’s one thing to say, “I didn’t know Whitney or Bobby personally, so it’s not for me to speak publicly on it.” It’s entirely another to say, “I wish good things for Bobby” when there is well-known and public EVIDENCE that he’s denigrated and disrespected Whitney during and after their marriage. I’ll admit that one of my many flaws is being too black/white and cutting ties with people quickly, but I just…can’t. I was so disappointed in that blogger, but she can’t untweet it, and now she gets a permanent side-eye from me.

    I’ve largely avoided media (and that includes social media) about Whitney’s death, because I knew it would be a circus. Yet, I still come across people who say things akin to, “Well, I loved Whitney as well, but people need to stop blaming Bobby…” or “Or I went to school/church/rode the train with/knew a co-worker whose mother’s cousin aunt from a second marriage knew Dionne Warwick and they said that Whitney was a bitch, did drugs before, hid her dysfunction well, etc.”

    Look, based on the sites I’ve read who have been very sympathetic to Whitney and her life, I’ve yet to read anyone accuse Bobby of forcing her down and pumping drugs into her system, or coercing her into doing their reality TV show, or staying with him as long as she did.

    But I really wish people would stop pretending as if who you marry (or are in a LTR with) doesn’t matter, and you can’t be influenced by said person. Of course, Whitney was responsible for her own life and actions. And she may not have been the nicest person to strangers. Don’t know, and really don’t care, since it’s utterly irrelevant now. Plenty of rude and self-absorbed people live successfully in the world (hello, BOBBY is walking the earth), so I don’t see why black women have to be paragons of virtue all the damn time. Hell, maybe if she hadn’t concerned with being perceived as a nice, proper black woman by the BPT, she’d still be alive and thriving. Guess we’ll never know.

    But when Bobby has demonstrated, more than once, through his own actions, that he’s an opportunist who would have faded into the same obscurity as his fellow New Edition bandmates (no offense to them, I loved their music), if not for hitching his wagon to Whitney’s, please tell me what in the bloody hell that has to do with Whitney’s flaws or actions? Good grief, I’m so over stupid people at the moment.

    *Stepping off soapbox to get a glass of wine*

    GoldenAh: Awesome, Daphne. And so on point. Gina (WAOD) said something to the affect that when it comes to black women we have to be “perfect victims”. We’re the only people who cannot have flaws, must be 110% pure and without sin in order to be considered a victim, otherwise it’s entirely our fault.

    Everybody’s playing obtuse regarding the point you are making. It’s not that he forced her, it’s that he influenced her. And that can be much more powerful than forcibly shoving crap down someone’s throat.

    This topic reminds me of Rihanna and Chris Brown. Will CB have to kill someone before folks realize how serious the problem is?

47. Daphne
    February 22nd, 2012 @ 9:24 PM

    Sorry for the typos – my post was a “typing while angry” comment.

    GoldenAh: Not a problem. For that, you don’t have to apologize.

48. Bellydancer
    February 23rd, 2012 @ 9:16 AM

    I was not into Whitney growing up but as I got older I did learn to appreciate her music and voice. I am so tired of some people trying to reassure everybody else that Bobby did not get her on drugs and that she was already using them etc…..if she was and we don’t know for sure how come nothing ever happened until she married him. Now her chauffer is talking about how Bobby got mad and told her no more films after he acted a damn fool on the set of the Preacher’s Wife and had to be removed. Bobby kept telling Whitney the film world wasn’t her world but yet his dumb ass managed to be in 5 movies while they were married. WTF talk about jealous. Whitney was too good for Bobby and they know it. SMDH
    I think she did well in her films and could have reached a whole new audience but naw her lil silly ass ghetto husband ruined her life.
    Let this shit be a lesson ladies. Some shit need to stay in the hood!

    GoldenAh: Too true, Bellydancer. Too true.

    He had to cut her down to size, because she was such a big star. She outshone him. I think that’s why some people – like two singers – shouldn’t get married. It doesn’t work. Models and singers or singers and actors are suitable, but not two people from the same field. I think egos get in the way.

49. Marie
    February 23rd, 2012 @ 3:20 PM

    Any reasonable person can clearly look at the evidence and recognize that Whitney’s troubles started once she became involved with Bobby Brown. Before him she was generally seen as a beautiful, sophisticated, talented mega-star with the world at her feet. As soon as she hooked up with him her star started to fall.

    I too believe she married Bobby to please certain elements in the black community who thought her whole package was “too white,” whatever that means. I guess she felt like an outcast in the community and wasn’t confident enough within herself to not care. I think that was likely what happened to Whitney and the reason she went down the wrong road and lost her way.

    GoldenAh: I agree, Marie. And she probably didn’t think that BB could pull her down either. She might have thought she was “strong” enough to handle him. Hey, I believe even a Beta (passive aggressive) man can do serious damage if he wants to, it’s not just Alpha males that can change a woman.

50. LMH
    February 23rd, 2012 @ 3:44 PM

    Anyone who writes/releases a tell-all book after someone is dead and can no longer defend themselves has always been suspect in my book. The fact that this book would further hurt his own child proves that BB is a low-life, bottom-feeding DBRBM (as if there was ever a doubt in the first place).

    I was talking to a girlfriend last week and she mentioned that she stopped being a “party gal” when her boyfriend (now husband) told her he would like to do something other than go out and drink every weekend. Seems pretty basic, your husband can either encourage and uplift you or bring you down. Is there any question which BB did for Whitney? I am sick and tired of people trying to deny the obvious.

    As I listen to the people I know talk about Whitney’s life, derailed career and untimely death I feel that some people are certainly telling/showing me who they are.

    GoldenAh: BB doesn’t even have an interesting life of his own to write about. It has to be about HER, because that’s how a parasite is. This maggot will keep feasting until all the flesh is gone. If he didn’t marry her – like Daphne said – would we even be hearing about this moron? He couldn’t even behave himself at her funeral.

    I like this story you told about your girlfriend. A good guy wants to take care of you, encourage you and bring / pull you up. I remember telling (selling) my future sister-in-law about my brother. I told her: if you want to go back to school, study something interesting, travel to new places, or work in a different career – he will back you 100%. He always wants to see his women rise, not fall. He’s very supportive.

    Thanks for your insights, LMH. Great to hear from you.

51. Tiffany
    February 23rd, 2012 @ 6:35 PM

    Mentioning Oprah and Whitney again…and maybe this is off-topic. If it is, you may delete. This thought just came to me: they both had best girlfriends, along with successful careers in their respective professions. Oprah has Gail; Whitney had Robin. Both women endured more than their fair share of criticism from the black community due to how close a bond these women shared; both were even suspected to be lesbians.

    While Oprah handled her relationship with Gail with grace and dignity, ignoring the haters and stepping on, I wonder what happened between Whitney and Robin. Was Robin at her funeral? After a certain point, and probably the same time Whitney got involved with Bobby Brown, she was not heard from again. I did watch the interview, but I never heard Oprah ask about her friendship with Robin, comparing their stories, offering advice and coping strategies, etc. Just wondering….

    GoldenAh: Oh, no Tiffany: this isn’t off-topic at all. Your comment goes to the heart of this issue with Whitney – her friendships. I find nothing out-of-the-ordinary with the relationships of Oprah / Gail or Whitney / Robin. I can think of several women, myself, even my Mother, who have close girlfriends like that. I think people are a little too used to women who will toss their gf aside the minute a man appears. There can be a balance, but only if he’s a mature man who accepts that women can have friendships and doesn’t see the other woman as “competition.”

    It’s disturbing to me how hard folks out there are working to deprive black women of even strong, close and nurturing friendships with other women. Does it really make ‘em happy to isolate us so that we have no one? That’s so wicked.

    I think Oprah was able to handle her friendship(s) better, because she probably received good advice from Maya Angelou and Toni Morrison about how to deal with the haters. I think Oprah said she even learned not to show or talk about Steadman in public, because it was creating havoc with their relationship.

52. Faith
    February 23rd, 2012 @ 7:43 PM

    Robyn did write an open letter after Whitney’s passing. http://www.esquire.com/the-side/music/whitney-houston-6654718

    GoldenAh: Thank you for the link, Faith. I guess we weren’t that far off the mark with regards to Whitney.

53. belleafrique
    February 24th, 2012 @ 12:25 AM

    I was done with this post until I found out that Bobby now wants to release a book about Whitney.

    Please allow me to come back just to say this.

    DA HAYELL ??????????????????????????????????

    GoldenAh: Yeah, what the hell, indeed.

54. Daphne
    February 26th, 2012 @ 11:43 AM

    Long post alert! My niece sent me this RollingStone article from 1993 via email. Very interesting read. A few things I picked up on:

    Whitney approached Bobby, and appeared to do a bit of pursuing until he passively asked her out, and she agreed.

    She was very defensive of Bobby and the fact that, before they even married, he had illegitimate children from two other women. I mean, the interviewer had moved on to another question, and she insisted on defending him (how would she know which women he didn’t disrespect?). Reading this now, my perception is, “The lady doth protest too much.” She seemed more defensive of him than the rumors of Robyn. It makes me believe that, with the latter, she was secure in that relationship, their friendship, so she didn’t feel the need to go on and on about it.

    She comments on his street energy (what we know as “swagger,” methinks), and appeared very drawn to that. I don’t read anything in the interview about his CHARACTER – what kind of father is he? What kind of man was he besides his stage persona? Did she feel safe with him? Was he kind? Giving? Protective of her? Supportive of her? Willing to sacrifice for her? Didn’t read any of that (we know more of what Kevin Costner did to get her cast for The Bodyguard). I mostly got how she noticed other women regarded him, and that the persona he projects is sexual.

    I also thought it was interesting that she alluded to the fact they were similar because they both came from the projects. And I think those comments are so pertinent in light of your post, Goldenah, about growing up in less than ideal circumstances, and how just being from the hood doesn’t necessarily MAKE you hood.

    Also, she unknowingly contradicted herself about their similar backgrounds when she described how Bobby influenced her to be “freer.” Despite the shade thrown at Clive Davis regarding Whitney’s image, I think it was clear that Cissy raised her daughter in a certain manner, despite the environment in which she came of age. (As an aside, I do have some questions on how the brothers were raised, and what kind of father John Houston was, since they clearly had no respect for young girls.)

    If Whitney was truly off the chain, a hot mess, etc from early on, I suspect the wheels would have come off that train early on, and the veil would have been torn (from a public perspective). Much like it was once she became involved with Bobby.

    One of her last comments about Bobby: Bobby and I were talking the other day. He cracks me up. He goes: “You think you’re so fine now” – because I dropped the weight – “but you know what? Bam, I’m gonna pop you again.” – emphasized because it’s a classic tactic used by controlling, sometimes abusive men. See: Why Does he Do That? by Lundy Bandcroft.

    Ultimately, I found the interview telling because during that time, Whitney was most certainly indoctrinated. It’s not a knock against her. I get it – she was fairly young (in her mid-20s or so) when they met, and headstrong. Empowerment for black girls and women as we know it today was non-existent on a macro level (still is, though the word is getting out slowly). Couple that along with proving blackness, and it can be a recipe for disaster.

    I sincerely hope Bobbi Kristina, who allegedly encouraged her mother to divorce Bobby, will come out the other side of this and not follow in her mother’s footsteps.

    GoldenAh: Oh man. Whitney was not streetwise or experienced at all. The babies-out-of-wedlock was her first clue he wasn’t a decent person. With those kind of dudes it wouldn’t have lasted long anyway. She could have done herself a favor by banging him until she grew tired of “it” and moved on. As long as a woman doesn’t have any kids with a critter – she’s free to go. All she had to do was wear him out: swing from the chandeliers, do the entire Kama Sutra, whatever, get it out of her system, then let him back out onto the streets, ’cause he wasn’t worth marrying. If she could have managed it emotionally: have that lusty affair until the cravings die down, while looking for a real man.

    Unfortunately, her thinking that a negro with “swagga” was suitable for her was common place back then. And yeah, she probably figured she was a “strong” black woman able to handle that kind of lowlife degenerate guy. Not much has changed in the mindset of most black women (young and old) since. We’re the outliers here.

    She didn’t realize she should have been with a man who would fight for her like Kevin Costner, and not support a punk like BB. Black mothers do raise their daughters to be young ladies, but unfortunately they spoil their sons, and they’ve created a mindset among the girls that it’s their job to mind their “brothas” like they are wayward children. Obviously, it’s not working.

    Until a cultural alternative seeps into the mindset of young black girl / women, this will continue. So, I am always hopeful that the more we all write / talk / share our thoughts about this, the more something shifts in black culture, even a little bit, to stop the indoctrination. Black girls and women need empowerment. To not only be free to pursue any career, but free to marry a man who’s good, better and best for her.

    Thanks for the additional thoughts, Daphne.

55. MsMellody
    March 29th, 2012 @ 7:44 AM

    I don’t know if I should cry or cheer at this article. But here goes;

    http://gawker.com/5897206/this-pastel-of-jesus-holding-whitney-houstons-face-could-be-yours

    GoldenAh: It looks a bit more like Tina Turner than Whitney. Interesting though.

    Thanks for the link, MsMellody.

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