What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank

This is a free range post, so don’t expect too much coherence. 🙂

News With No Opinion

I don’t watch the evening news. I read selective items online such as: local Weather, Technology, Health, Sports (at least when J-Lin was playing with the Knicks), Politics, Business, Economics, and hopefully stuff that wont irritate and annoy me.

One of the reasons you do not find me writing a comment about many of the latest news stories is that I realize by the third week, a lot of initial “facts” change. And even after that, sometimes it’s best to remain silent. What I say wont bring anybody back, alter government policy or reality, and unless I’m looking to make a point – my policy is to have no opinion on the matter(s).

Does that mean I don’t care? I care about my personal issue(s), my personal life and while I wish I could be affected by things people assume would affect me, I know they wont. It’s a long winded way of saying I don’t share the victim mentality that being black makes me less than, weak, a sorry excuse for a human being, powerless and unable to change. I cannot do the impossible, but I’ll try. And that starts with how I think about myself. That is the only thing I have the most control over: me.

Does that mean I don’t issue an opinion in other forums? Sometimes I’ll have some thoughts relating to a piece of the overall picture, but I’m unable to offer a solution. I don’t believe in group related solutions. Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone absorbs information differently. One person’s candor is another person’s insult. You know how it is sometimes, you wonder if people can comprehend English, because their understanding strays so far from the writer’s obvious intent. And then you realize these intelligent people are being deliberately obtuse. I used to troll. It was fun back in the day. So I get it.

Life’s Little Changes

I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve got an uneasy feeling coming over me. Maybe that’s how Spring is – one day it’s warm, next day Tornadoes are busting out all over.

So, I’m in a contemplative mood. My cat, who was only 12 years old, got ill – so quickly – and I had to take him to the vet. I lost something dear to me last week. I was surprised by the depths of my sorrow. I’m not the most emotional person around. I don’t mean stoic or long suffering. I wisecrack and laugh like everyone else, but I don’t let things bother me (like a lot of people seem to over topics online – I really could not care less). I’m not a huggy-kissy kind of woman, well, unless it’s with my man, otherwise… So I like who and what I like. I can only truly be bothered by friend and family matters, which are up close and personal.

Do I miss my little mongrel? Sure. I also had to take into account how much room I made for that animal in my life. I regarded my feline as a person. My family and friends would always inquire about my cat (long after meeting him). He was a true character. And I learned how to be patient with him. I learned how to look after someone other than myself (I am very selfish and not afraid to admit it). I’ve also learned that if I don’t succeed the first time, come back in a minute to try again. I made sure he was always comfortable, never went hungry, never went cold, and spoiled him rotten. 🙂

He was very entertaining too:

– Whenever I was going to feed him, I’d say, “Eat”. And he’d jump out of the chair and run into the kitchen.
– He used to fetch little balls of paper after I tossed them for him to swat away.
– He used to follow me everywhere around the house, walking next to me like he had a leash on.
– If he wanted my attention, he’d get up on his hind legs, and while I’m sitting at the table, hold onto the table with one paw and tap me with the other.
– I’d say, “Come on” to leave a room. He’d follow.
– I’d say, “Stop that” or “No.” If he was doing something that irritated me. He would stop.
– I’d say, “Get out.” He liked to follow me into the bathroom. He would leave.

Maybe everybody’s cat did this. I had cats as a kid, but never one like this little fellow.

Would I get another cat? No. I like them, but when you’ve had one with such unique characteristics, you have to let that one be the last. And frankly, I don’t have the energy to invest in another one. A pet can take a lot out of a person. I’m a one-track kind of individual. I’m envious of people who can juggle multiple threads of their lives in the air, I’m not able to do that. And I accept that about myself.

RIP Buddy. I thank God for letting you into my life and teaching me so much. 🙂



128 Replies to “What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank”

  1. “Their kids were the ones me and my youngest brother instinctively avoided like the plague”

    I’m glad you had the sense to run away, even as a very young child.

    “I have a childhood friend who had to get an abortion in her senior year at high school, because her dbr boyfriend was jealous that she got into Swarthmore College and was going to be living far away from him.”

    I’m glad your friend didn’t get “stuck”. I know of an AA girl who was attending an Ivy League institution. A DBR got her pregnant. And, not surprisingly, she ended up leaving the school so she could have/raise his child. I don’t know what happened to her after that. (Many) College kids of all races have sex on the regular, but AAs seem to be the ones who can’t do so without having babies. AA males love to sabotage an AA female’s future. They don’t seem to be happy, unless they can bring down a sister who’s trying hard.

  2. The issue with sterilization and abortion is that it should be used as a last resort. If someone is showing signs of being dbr they need to practice safe sex so that either of the two do not have to be used.

    But some people are selfish and will not take the proper precautions. This is why there are dbr people running around in society, because there are people who have no business being parents, who refuse to use condoms combined with birth control. Then refused to get sterilized or have an abortion, and it becomes a cycle of dbr people producing dbr people.

  3. I don’t believe that abortion should be “a last resort”. If adults are using birth control (or not) and decide that they don’t really want a baby (yet or ever)or can’t properly raise a child they should get an abortion if they have no interest in adoption. I understand the “sanctity of life” argument, but I have never felt (even as a young woman) that the “sanctity of life” always trumps the “quality of life.” How does it help or serve anyone to have a child born into a life of poverty and lack or possibly being resented or hated by its parents?

    I have a couple of friends who had abortions, finished school, got married and had happy, healthy families, because the timing was right and the children were wanted. I know many single mothers (some used forms of birth control that failed, some thought the “good man” they were with would come through for them) who have had more struggles and challenges than necessary because they wouldn’t even consider abortion.

    At least one of my single mom friends wanted an abortion, but her family, friends and church pressured her into doing the “right thing”. Her marriage lasted about 7 months and she ended up divorced and raising the child alone, never finished college and she has struggled with depression and anxiety for years.

  4. It is getting hard to scroll through the comments. I cant believe I missed these.


    “If you explore your options and vet properly, you can have a relatively stress free life, paying your bills on time, raising your children, (if you have them) traveling the world, nights out. etc.
    Even the good bm usually want to settle down at a later age, even if they like bw, because they know they can play the field for a while. Which is why bw need to expand their options and not put their life on hold and not wait on a maybe for ten years, only to have him choose someone else.
    I have heard stories of bm stringing along bw of false promises of marriage for years(irregardless if they have children) only to marry a non black woman immediately, because they know that she will leave him for a quality white man. Or they were secretly using bw until their dream white woman came along.
    Sometimes the good bm have impossibly high standards, and treat the relationship like a reward system with bw. But with non black women, they will treat her like a queen and do anything for her. But with bw they will barely do anything, and threaten to leave if she asks for anything.”

    I don’t know if there is such a thing as a ‘good bm’. With the exception of a few gay BM who have proven to be allies of BW and BGs and a few men who were born in the 1930s-40s (whom I have heard encourage BW to date out as they think most modern BM are crazy)- I think its a wrap. I think what passes for good BM is insane. It looks good on paper, but thats about it. I thing most middle aged and younger BM are all varying degrees of DBR.

    Before I stopped dating BM they all acted like they were doing me a favor. And I wish BW would stop with this Black Massa Kang is the best in bed. It is a lie. I have never been so sorely disappointed sexually in my life than when dealing with BM.

    And you spoke the truth re WW and nonBW. I think that most BM as Evia has repeatedly said moving their way to nonBW. Just look at the colorism.

    @ Andrea
    “This person was and is NOTHING to me — not a friend, not a relative, nothing. Just your typical, “I should be the center of your universe because I am Black and have a penis, despite you not knowing my full name” BM acquaintance.”

    Wow! This is sad, but I should expect as much. BM really need to be disabused of this entitlement/ownership notion.

    @ Alicia
    ” There was a black lesbian who said that men have come up to her and said that she’s too pretty to be gay… Or they think she will suddenly stop being gay if she found the right man.

    Whether she’s straight or gay, a man telling a woman who she should spend her life with just so his ego isn’t bruised is mysoginistic.

    … but if they were to actually choose a woman over a man to spend their life with, that’s when they get mad.”

    I can only think of poor Sakia Gunn when I read this.

  5. @ Ms. Melody

    Thanks for the link. I plan to complete CCW training within the next 6 mos or so.

    I’m not playing.

  6. I was thinking about colorism and hypocrisy in some parts of the black community. The black people who don’t like interracial couples, and make fun of their children, but are the first to chase after the bi racial children as adults because of their light skin. The bp that want to segregate themselves from the rest of society and put everyone in a category, or refuse to do certain things because “Only white people do that.”

    The bisexual and biracial singer Fay Wolf with a black mom and white dad states: “Being uncategorizable can be a blessing and a curse. Growing up in Connecticut, and basically growing up in a white world, the little flak I got was from the black community. It’s tough. Because my skin is essentially white, I found that I got more flak from the black kids than the white kids. I was getting called Oreo by the black kids.”


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