BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


pithy quote goes here

What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank

Posted on | April 3, 2012 | 128 Comments

This is a free range post, so don’t expect too much coherence. :)

News With No Opinion

I don’t watch the evening news. I read selective items online such as: local Weather, Technology, Health, Sports (at least when J-Lin was playing with the Knicks), Politics, Business, Economics, and hopefully stuff that wont irritate and annoy me.

One of the reasons you do not find me writing a comment about many of the latest news stories is that I realize by the third week, a lot of initial “facts” change. And even after that, sometimes it’s best to remain silent. What I say wont bring anybody back, alter government policy or reality, and unless I’m looking to make a point – my policy is to have no opinion on the matter(s).

Does that mean I don’t care? I care about my personal issue(s), my personal life and while I wish I could be affected by things people assume would affect me, I know they wont. It’s a long winded way of saying I don’t share the victim mentality that being black makes me less than, weak, a sorry excuse for a human being, powerless and unable to change. I cannot do the impossible, but I’ll try. And that starts with how I think about myself. That is the only thing I have the most control over: me.

Does that mean I don’t issue an opinion in other forums? Sometimes I’ll have some thoughts relating to a piece of the overall picture, but I’m unable to offer a solution. I don’t believe in group related solutions. Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone absorbs information differently. One person’s candor is another person’s insult. You know how it is sometimes, you wonder if people can comprehend English, because their understanding strays so far from the writer’s obvious intent. And then you realize these intelligent people are being deliberately obtuse. I used to troll. It was fun back in the day. So I get it.

Life’s Little Changes

I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve got an uneasy feeling coming over me. Maybe that’s how Spring is – one day it’s warm, next day Tornadoes are busting out all over.

So, I’m in a contemplative mood. My cat, who was only 12 years old, got ill – so quickly – and I had to take him to the vet. I lost something dear to me last week. I was surprised by the depths of my sorrow. I’m not the most emotional person around. I don’t mean stoic or long suffering. I wisecrack and laugh like everyone else, but I don’t let things bother me (like a lot of people seem to over topics online – I really could not care less). I’m not a huggy-kissy kind of woman, well, unless it’s with my man, otherwise… So I like who and what I like. I can only truly be bothered by friend and family matters, which are up close and personal.

Do I miss my little mongrel? Sure. I also had to take into account how much room I made for that animal in my life. I regarded my feline as a person. My family and friends would always inquire about my cat (long after meeting him). He was a true character. And I learned how to be patient with him. I learned how to look after someone other than myself (I am very selfish and not afraid to admit it). I’ve also learned that if I don’t succeed the first time, come back in a minute to try again. I made sure he was always comfortable, never went hungry, never went cold, and spoiled him rotten. :)

He was very entertaining too:

- Whenever I was going to feed him, I’d say, “Eat”. And he’d jump out of the chair and run into the kitchen.
- He used to fetch little balls of paper after I tossed them for him to swat away.
- He used to follow me everywhere around the house, walking next to me like he had a leash on.
- If he wanted my attention, he’d get up on his hind legs, and while I’m sitting at the table, hold onto the table with one paw and tap me with the other.
- I’d say, “Come on” to leave a room. He’d follow.
- I’d say, “Stop that” or “No.” If he was doing something that irritated me. He would stop.
- I’d say, “Get out.” He liked to follow me into the bathroom. He would leave.

Maybe everybody’s cat did this. I had cats as a kid, but never one like this little fellow.

Would I get another cat? No. I like them, but when you’ve had one with such unique characteristics, you have to let that one be the last. And frankly, I don’t have the energy to invest in another one. A pet can take a lot out of a person. I’m a one-track kind of individual. I’m envious of people who can juggle multiple threads of their lives in the air, I’m not able to do that. And I accept that about myself.

RIP Buddy. I thank God for letting you into my life and teaching me so much. :)

 

Share

Comments

128 Responses to “What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank”

  1. Faith
    April 4th, 2012 @ 2:54 PM

    I’m sorry about Buddy. I’ve lost animal friends and it can be just as devastating as losing our human friends and family.

    Sometimes it’s best to sit back and be quiet than reactionary.

    A few things on my mind these days:

    1. The blacks who got upset over Mary J Blige’s Burger King commercial but as usual say zip about the (c)rappers and their moral decay/BW bashing/use of the N-word

    2. No real discussion about the ramifications of blacks making George Zimmerman “white” to satisfy the knee-jerk reactions. Also, still holding on to this inaccurate “people of color” group-think when those ‘people’ are some of the most anti-black racists out there!

    This isn’t over by a long shot.

    3. I wish the Sheryl Underwoods/Sherri Shepard types were not the go-to representation of BW on these daytime shows. Their foolishness lingers.

    4. I’d like to see if more of us could potentially do some things offline. Since the collective is done, it would be great if the few unindoctrinated amongst us who’ve been reliable and loyal might be able to do some real network building.

    5. Is this all a really bad dream and we’re in the Matrix?

    GoldenAh: I saw some topics on Facebook about MJB. Haven’t seen the ad, and didn’t really read the details. If they’re complaining about Mary selling Burgers then folks have too much time on their hands. It cannot be that bad. And you’re right about their selective outrage.

    If Zimmerman was named Rodriguez, I don’t think or maybe I suspect the outrage wouldn’t be quite the same. I saw a clip of the video with him being brought to the station and I expected a pale skinned guy. He’s sorta “dark”. I wonder what his Mother looks like; she must be brown skinned.

    I remember a few years back there was an execution style killing in a Newark playground of black teens by a Latino guy (I forgot if he acted alone). Yes, he got arrested, but the outrage seem rather muffled because of the issue you mention – that “people of color” fiction. Honestly, I think that “people of color” stuff is so black males can chase non-black women by making them “colored”. That way they can hoodwink black women (who shouldn’t care but do) into not getting upset about who black men elevate over them. So when he goes after a non-black woman, these black women will say, “She’s not white!”, and other stupid things. “People of color” gets us nowhere. They all want to be white, and they want solidarity as “people of color” when it’s time to use us, but certainly not as respected allies. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have allies among any and all groups: I’m all for it when it’s totally beneficial and reciprocal.

    Every sidekick to a “pretty” little skinny white woman must be a heavyset, loud, and ridiculous black woman. If we happen to say that’s the case, and would like to see some variety – like the white woman be the obnoxious fat sidekick and the black woman be the “pretty” little skinny thing – some people play obtuse and pretend that “We be hating.” Oh, well. Whatever….

    I hear what you are saying about offline networking, ’cause I told BWMM at one point, if you have really good ideas, don’t ever put them in any forum online. No one hesitates to steal, esp. from black women. I have ideas for TV shows, but I have no intention of ever mentioning them, since I have no interest in making shows or movies.

    Honestly, after 9/11 happened, I can see where the TV show Fringe is coming from. I often wonder if this is an alternative universe or something. Will I wake up and everything be okay again?

    Wow, I said quite a bit. That could’ve been another blog post. :)

    Thanks for your condolences and stopping by, Faith. :D

  2. Mikey Tandino
    April 4th, 2012 @ 4:22 PM

    Oh no. I am so sorry to hear about your wonderful cat Buddy passing. I have an awesome little furball as well so I know how attached you become and how much you enjoy seeing them everyday.

    My mom is amazing and while she has her flaws, has been very BWE before there was even a term for it. She preaches that you do not need a man, self confidence and absolute truth. This is just a public shout from basically an anonymous source, giving thanks because she raised me and my siblings to be confident, free thinking, adventurous, industrious and to remember her motto which is to have a back-up to your back-up, not let anyone take advantage of you and know how to handle your business. Also, get and keep documentation.

    I am sick of the fake fervor and uproar over Trayvon Martin. No one ever has anything to say unless its a white perpetrator – Black male victim. Its so fake and the feigned indignance is astounding.

    I am also dating the cutest guy. Hes sweet. I will break my two year moratorium on sex with him. He happens to be White. He tells me all the time how pretty and intelligent I am. Its refreshing. The guy I dated before him was Cuban and he always called me cute. I hate being called cute. I’m quite stunning, so cute is such a diminishing word to me. Babies are cute, little animals are cute. Grown ass women are not cute.

    Thats just it for now. I mean, I went for it since you said we could ramble and all.

    GoldenAh: I don’t know how people can say cats don’t show affection. When they adore you it’s hard to miss. They roll around on the floor when you come home, they’ll wind around your legs, or they try to climb you, and they can even lick your face like a dog. The signs are there. And they are so much fun when they are playing. Lemme stop before I talk myself into getting another one… :)

    It is so wonderful to have a supportive Mother or Father. There were times (and still are) when I have no will to do somethings, and I get a lot of encouragement from her, even my Father too. It’s the greatest gift in the world. Props to your Mother for being such a rock for you.

    I had someone try to give me one of those “We’re all T. Martin” comment. I shut her down. I didn’t want to hear it. I want that kind of black woman to tell me when are black women going to be able to walk around “our” neighborhoods late at night without fear of harassment or being attacked. ‘Cause we certainly ain’t safe from the “brothas” living there; not even in broad daylight.

    Glad to hear you have someone that makes you happy, Mikey. Everything tastes sweeter, doesn’t it? :)

    Thank you very much for stopping by.

  3. mochachoc
    April 4th, 2012 @ 4:58 PM

    I’m so sorry you lost your friend.

    Sadly, my 17year old cat (Ursula) died on Monday of kidney failure. I am stunned by my feelings of loss. I’ve started dreaming about her now and have the urge to get another cat. You are right. Pets are a huge responsibility which take up a lot of time. This will be the first time in my life that I do not have one. Not sure I want to do it all again. We’ll see.

    All the best.

    GoldenAh: I went to 2 vets and they didn’t know what was wrong with him. He wasn’t eating, and he used to be a cat with an enormous appetite. Eating was his favorite hobby. He’d come after me if I didn’t feed him when he was HUNGRY!! :D

    Sorry about your cat, Ursula. That was a good long time you had her. I only wish I had more years with my little friend, but these things happen. {{Sigh}} I tell myself he’s sleeping somewhere in the house when I start to feel sad.

    Yeah, another potential decade or two is quite a bit of time to devote to a cat or dog.

    Thanks for your thoughts, Mochachoc. :)

  4. Oshun
    April 4th, 2012 @ 11:43 PM

    Hi Betty,

    So sorry to hear about your loss. I have a 14 yo kitty and I hate to even hear/think about things like this. My heart goes out to you.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Oshun. I appreciate your warm thoughts. :)

  5. Faith
    April 5th, 2012 @ 2:36 AM

    Fringe is such a freaky show. When Fox moved its schedule and put it on hiatus I stopped watching, but I’ve been meaning to catch up.

    Here’s a Salon article re: Zimmerman
    http://www.salon.com/2012/04/04/conservatives_baffled_at_idea_of_white_hispanic_people/singleton/

    GoldenAh: When they showed the alt universe with the twin towers still standing, I was like, “Love that. I get it. I feel the same.” Unfortunately, after that, Fringe became a mess. I don’t know what’s going on with it. I suspect they took the storyline out too far and they’re trying to walk it back by doing some version of time travel. Not working. And I dislike contrived romances between two characters who totally lack any sort of *spark*. There’s more chemistry between Astrid and crazy Dr Bishop or Peter than Olivia with any man on the show.

    Interesting salon article. And Ruben Navarrette doesn’t like “white Hispanic” either. I’m reminded of the movie, The Rose Tattoo with Burt Lancaster. The most shocking words I heard came from the lips of a Sicilian woman when she called a Southern woman, “You white people.” I was like, “Say what?” Old old time films are really fascinating. I noticed they sometimes described criminals by complexion and not race.

    Everything old is new again. Maybe folks should go by complexion for a better description and leave the race ideas alone.

  6. Eva
    April 5th, 2012 @ 1:40 PM

    I’m so sorry you lost your cat. My mom found a cat on the street in 1990, she lived with her for 14 years, the cat was 16 when she died; and when she died, my mom said she couldn’t get another cat. I agree. Mom had had 3 cats, but this one got under our skin; I mean Mom even traveled with her every summer. So I do know what you mean.

    GoldenAh: There’s always that one cat. I don’t want to creep anyone out, but it’s like they possess the soul of someone. I can see why people believe in reincarnation at times. We had like 3 to 4 cats and one dog when I was a kid. All the cats were stupid, I mean STUPID, until the last one who was something special.

    I tried again as an adult with Buddy and got lucky. :)

    Thanks for your thoughts and chiming in, Eva. It’s very much appreciated.

  7. mochachoc
    April 5th, 2012 @ 3:57 PM

    If I do decide to get another cat I’m going to only ever give it raw food. I discovered my cat loved raw heart, eggs and olive oil too late in the day. Her order of preference was raw meat esp offal, cooked real food, Sweedish and German tinned food, and then dry food. From my reading; dry cat food is damaging to their kidneys in the long term. And some argue that the notion it helps to clean their teeth is questionable because most cats just crack the dry food enough to wolf it down. I know Ursula did. Raw heart gave her jaws a good work out.

    It is curious two vets couldn’t diagnose Buddy. I wonder if there was an infection.

    GoldenAh: I gave him canned and dry foods, along with raw meat once in a while. He ate everything, even tiny bits of cake. :)

    The first vet gave me medication and he seemed to get better. She thought he might have had an infection too, but she wasn’t sure what was wrong and he had a thorough blood test done. Then when he really got bad, I took him to another one – referred by the first vet – she looked him over tested his blood and couldn’t figure out what the problem was either. By then he was nearly gone. It just happened so fast. I thought it was weird they couldn’t identify what it was either…. It was a shock, he had never been sick before. I took him for regular checkups.

    We are so vulnerable when it comes to pet food supply. I still think of that contaminated crap that killed a lot of pets because the food came from China.

  8. SouthlandDiva
    April 5th, 2012 @ 4:32 PM

    Hi G,

    Sorry to hear about your buddy.

    I understand what you mean about not really having anything to say or at least nothing I feel of great value in relation to topical issues.

    I am meditating on the attention being paid to people who are not married or people who live alone…more positively known as single. I understand the term single has negative connotations historically, but with the growth of this demographic world-wide, I think the negative connotation is on the way out.

    I don’t guess I’ll do a post in your house, however, just thought I’d drop by and say hello.

    Peace

    GoldenAh: Oh, you could expound on your thoughts and link back to your blog if you want. I really like when we write on a similar topic, but take different perspectives.

    Now that you mention singles: that demographic is close to, if not already, outnumbering married couples. It’s hard to be roommates. And I admit that I’ve never had any. Ever. Except if I travel with a group, we gotta share a cabin or room, then it’s hell for me. I always need space.

    I would like singles to be respected as bachelors or bachelorettes – allowed to enjoy life without pressure, speculation, ridicule or viewed as social misfits. If we (as black women) do find someone, it should not be treated as though it is a result of desperation, loneliness or lack of self-esteem. Nor should a man be held up as the prize at all costs. I like the approach of being with a man who we’ve discovered is the right fit for us. Cause I know there’s only a thin slice of the male population I could get along with or would want to.

    Really great hearing from you, SouthlandDiva. Thank you for stopping by. :)

  9. Monique
    April 6th, 2012 @ 11:30 AM

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. I have a kitty he’s about 11 now and he truly is the sweetest thing. I try not to think about how much I’ll miss him should he pass away. He’s my constant companion. I love him dearly and I share your loss.

    Some things on my mind:

    1. Watched Scandal with Kerry Washington, wasn’t quite blown away, but I’ll reserve judgment until I see a few more episodes.

    2. cringing at the thought of think like a man opening in theaters and having black folk act like it’s the second coming of christ, or something

    3. Not understanding how people eat Doritoes and pepsi for breakfast and feed it to their children and then wonder why there is an obesity problem within the black community. I have a novel idea stop feeding your kids Doritos and pepsi in the morning.

    4. trying to strategize taking my neice to Europe next year (she’s 9).

    that’s about it for now .

    GoldenAh: Well, I hope your cat lives another 11 years, it’s possible these days. And thank you, Monique, for your kind thoughts about Buddy.

    I subscribed to Scandal on Hulu, so when I get the time I’ll catch up. I should be able to do it late Sunday night or Monday.

    Ah, TLAM is coming out soon. Weird, I thought it did already. You know if that does well expect to see plenty of copy cat flicks, with each one being successively worse.

    I don’t drink soda anymore – it gave me acid reflux and chest pains. I don’t know how people can drink the stuff. It’s very corrosive, let alone being sugar toxic. Some people can handle a lot of sugar, but it makes me feel sickly and lethargic.

    Ah, that is great thinking about taking your niece to Europe. Awesome. I love museums, castles and old churches. That’s mostly all I go looking for.

  10. Truth P.
    April 7th, 2012 @ 3:59 PM

    I’m sorry to hear about your baby.I know how it feels to lose something you love.I lost my dog,hit by a car,years ago and its still upsetting to this day.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your condolences, Truth P. I know what you mean, just when I think I’m okay, a wave of sadness still hits me out of nowhere. I need to launch into operation “Get Busy” so I don’t wallow in it. :)

  11. Pamela Cook Dreyer
    April 7th, 2012 @ 6:56 PM

    About being single: It is really sad that people still view unmarried people as less than. A lot of my social circles involve being a part of a Christian congregation. That attitude was really bad there, especially with the notion that unmarried people were not supposed to participate in any sexual activity. It was almost like married people were judged as better than and unmarried people were unmarried only because there was something wrong with them. I challenged that left and right when I was single.

    I did not marry (only marriage) until I was 50 years old so I had a LOOOOONG time to deal with the madness. After they watched me and I did not break down crying because I was single most of them left me alone. One person slandered me saying I did not like MEN. Of course I could not be selective about MEN either because my standards were too high. Anything to try and put me down because I did not have a man. Some I yelled at to get them to stop talking their TRASH at me. I strongly suggest doing this if you cannot get away from those silly people with no lives. Otherwise run away from them as quick as you can and live your lives.

    I also found out that some of them were probably jealous because I did not have nearly the trouble that many of the married people had. One cue that I misread for years is when a married people told me to wait or don’t rush into marrying. Later I realized that some of them were sending me a subtle warning that marriage was not what they had hoped it would be for them.

    Live your life to the full single or married. Don’t listen to the stupid madness about single being less than. I milked the single life as much as I could. I absolutely have no regrets not marrying until I was 50. It would have been nice to marry earlier but I do not regret the life I lived as a single gal.

    GoldenAh: I love this comment. I feel the same way. I left home late, and when I moved out I really really REALLY! needed to live alone for a number of years. I’ve gone on many dates; had my share of relationships. There are single guys around, but my goodness, a lot of them want you to have, and be, less than them in nearly every way. There’s this attitude that I should put my life on hold and not do anything until I have a man with me. I wouldn’t have a life thinking that way. How can I wait, when so many of them want to do and be nothing? Also, I would appreciate a man going out and having a life, why not think the same way towards me? I want a man who I can respect and consider awesome. It’s hard to be impressed with a guy who lacks ambition, any kind of drive or interest in anything.

    I agree about the married folks. I’m happy for them, but they need to keep their issues to themselves. No one knows what goes on under the roof of every couple. Whether other people get married or stay single, it’s none of their business. It’s certainly not an indication of their worthiness as human beings.

    I find with some black women, whether married or single, mentioning how attractive a man is in their presence they want to bite one’s head off. Does anyone have a possible theory as to why? Does it go back to their discomfort with sex, sexually active or attractive black women? I wasn’t even being raunchy. The most I’d say is, “He’s good looking”.

    It is absolutely fabulous to hear from you Pamela, thank you so much for chiming in. :D

  12. Believer
    April 8th, 2012 @ 7:17 PM

    Whats on my mind? welllllllllllll I’ve been thinking about the Travon case and something just hit me. With so many AA’s getting all riled up about racism, from white men ( when obviously from pictures Zimmerman is not white), interracial relationships between BW/WM are going to have a tough time. Black women have always been pushed to limit their dating options due to white men being considered inherently ” evil” and ” racist” , this situation is just going to incite that all over again. I can just see a black woman, walking hand in hand with her white spouse and someone asking her, ” how can you date out after what happened to Travon ?”

    GoldenAh: I sympathize with the family. It is a tragedy. I remember when I went down south (to a very rural area) to visit my friend, the first thing she said was not to be mouthy and confrontational with folks, ’cause nearly everyone had a gun in their car. If people (of all races) do not get a lock down on civilized behavior, we’ll be (gun) fighting as a way to resolve every disagreement or misunderstanding. We cannot function as a society in this way.

    I look at the black people who need useless rallies, hoodie symbols, online petitions, and protest marches. I just want to ask them, how safe are their daughters from harassment when they walk through the hood during the day and especially at night?

    Black people can get mad about this issue with T Martin, but it wont change how most of the non-black population views them. All that will happen, regardless of if a case with charges are filed, is when the number of black males reaches a tipping point in a neighborhood – all the other races will move away, work to keep them out, or resort to a siege mentality to keep them “in check”. That’s what the T Martin issue boils down to.

    I only wonder why black people think other groups want the high crime chaos, lawlessness, and social dysfunction that pervades their neighborhoods. They keep a close watch over what happens in black people’s lives, and they simply don’t want to be “infected” by the same problems.

    And so that no one gets me wrong, I do not think what George Z did was correct, but I’m saying it doesn’t surprise me.

    As for BW / WM or BW / other M, I don’t think it’ll affect attitudes about them at all. I’d say only people living in mostly black areas, where BW / IRS are least likely to live, date or socialize, would mention T Martin. None of those people who think their approval over BW dating options had their minds changed by these events, it simply fits a ready made template. Desiring black women to maintain “black group think” doesn’t change with the circumstances.

    Thanks for your thoughts on this topic, Believer. :)

  13. MsMellody
    April 9th, 2012 @ 10:41 AM

    Hi Betty!

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Buddy.

    Thank you for your wonderful posts..and the great comments here have got me to thinking about a lot of things.

    Too many to post right now..but I am glad to continue to read your blog and connect with all the commentors here. Thanks Betty.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your condolences, MsMellody. It is much appreciated.

    The comments give me food for thought as well. :)

  14. The Working Home Keeper
    April 9th, 2012 @ 1:36 PM

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty Buddy. We very recently had to put down our 3yo kitty Oreo. She was shaken by a dog and her injuries were severe. We still have three other cats, but miss our Oreo dearly. It wasn’t to long ago, I was watching Oreo playing in the backyard with our kids. She’d love to run around the yard just like she was one of the children. And now she’s gone. It’s just not the same without her.

    Mary Ellen
    The Working Home Keeper

    GoldenAh: Oh, that’s awful. Sorry about your cat Oreo. I would be so angry at that dog.

    Part of my feeling of loss is guilt and trying not to blame myself. My conceit was that he would be around until he was 18 to 22 years old, then sorta brag about it. For a while, I was also fearful that whatever made him sick would affect me too. But I have to live with these unknown unknowns. :)

    Thanks for stopping by, TWHK. :)

  15. SouthlandDiva
    April 12th, 2012 @ 9:24 AM

    Hey G,

    It’s official, I’m acknowledging the focus of my blog is not about marriage as the only route to having and living my best life. I’m speaking to the women who are single, whatever the circumstances. I feel we can empower and inspire ladies to make the best choices possible and have a wonderful life.

    @Pamela, LOVE your comments! Being single isn’t a condition to be cured. It’s how life is for some people -a lot of people.

    I think it’s a perspective that needs to be explored.

    Thanks for the encouragement G! :-)

    Peace

    GoldenAh: Whether solo or with a partner, we are obligated to live the best life possible. And I can tell you, sometimes we all need to encourage each other…. :)

    Take care, SouthlandDiva.

  16. Oshun
    April 12th, 2012 @ 2:20 PM

    1. I wish that BW who have a positive message for the upliftment of BW would stop seeking BM venues to disseminate their messages.

    A few days ago I came across some material that piqued my interest. I was kind of unsure about the author and her background as she was a former video model. But I kind of like her message: regarding knowing your worth, not settling, and using the assistance of men to further your goals.

    BW have a huge problem with this considering most ask for NOTHING and expect NOTHING – I even had issue with this personally and it has been WORK changing my mind and beliefs around this. Particularly in light of the goldigger label.

    Well this BW, although a former video model has a totally different perspective. She thinks the word golddigger is used to shut BW down and she talks about how she has used her beauty and alliances with men to network into better circles, gain funding for her businesses and projects, and to live an abundant life. She is not talking about getting a meal, or getting your hair “did”.

    She does state that she is not training or gearing women toward marriage, but the fact that she doesn’t have the mule, I will take the scraps or less mentality was so striking.

    And I thought getting those types of beliefs into a BWs system would be wonderful. She also believes in withholding sex – not giving it up and definitely not giving up asap – despite what the guy does!

    This woman was born in the U.S., but raised in the Carribean. Maybe that has something to do with it.

    I dont think she is affiliated with BWE or IRBW at all, but I do think she has some wisdom.

    So I am doing my internet tracking and I find some interviews. I listen to one and she was kind of protected as one of the co-hosts was a woman and she would shield her sort of.

    The second interview I found – Lord Jesus. BW who are helping BW should never go on a BM’s platform. Especially when you are talking about BW, self esteem, acting on that self esteem, and demanding more from men.

    I could tell from the intro and the line of questioning that this guy was setting her up and grooming her for an attack. She was firm and classy and always referred back to her materials.

    If I wasn’t already convinced that BM were scum – this show confirmed it. There were BM who called in and said that they make women pay half on dates or for the whole date. They talked about how they lie to women about their financial status to abuse and take advantage of them. The host single and in his 40s bragged about how he barely spends money and provides assistance to the women he has feelings for.

    My mouth was on the floor at how these men openly bragged about how they wouldn’t help the women in their lives and guess what type of BW they often cited that they dated. MBAs, PhDs, home owning, luxury car driving BW!

    What animal brags that he doesn’t and wont provide for his woman/wife/resulting children?

    The author grew disgusted as any normal woman would when the host kept trying to “dig” into her sex life and eventually she ended the call.

    Then all hell broke loose. All the mammy mules called in and they were all like basically saying that BM should not offer any kind of provision to BW in a nutshell. And thats normal and she was Satanic for suggesting otherwise.

    The male callers also kept saying that this is a young woman’s game. Women have a short shelf life etc. I will say this, I understand that youth had its advantages for any woman, but I think something else was behind their responses.

    All of these BM were single and in their late 30s to 40s. If all of a sudden BW who are in their age range decided I am not putting up with this crap – then the back up booty corps would disappear overnight. They would not be able to control, play, use, and later discard this segment of women. They were scared and threatened and it came out with fangs…

    There was another author who wrote a similar book that I was considering and she was ironically on the show. I am on the fence about her because she seems apologetic in some ways to the BM and she also came across as too much of a hoodrat in comparison to the other author.

    But she did provide some often frightening insights into working class/underclass life. For example she talked about how back in the 80s or whatever when women were on welfare how middle class BM would cruise the projects (in their big fancy cars as described by her) and pick up BW, take them to the hotel for a few hours and give them a couple of dollars. This allowed the BW to keep her benefits and get a few extra dollars. She regarded those women as survivors. I don’t know how to feel about this as I think it is sad that BM were that predatory even back then. They were exploiting those women. I guess since welfare ended they turned to Brazil and the DR for other women to exploit.

    At any rate, this author also has some materials on the differences between BW and WW and how WW use x,y,z to their advantage which I thought could be beneficial.

    The killing part is that these same decrepit negros were agreeing and co-signing “how the white women do” – in getting paid and yet minutes earlier they were bragging how they pride themselves on never supporting and uplifting BW (and by default their children/community). These same negors who ripped the very lovely former video model for trying to show BW how to do like the WW women do without losing themselves or being harmed in the process.

    How sick and deranged. I am throwing up in the back of my throat now.

    This has convinced me that we need to get 2 million BW to leave and marry out asap. In 5 years at least.

    The amount of suffering that these men feel that BW deserve is disgusting. I have decided to renew my mate search again. I cant be around or go down with these demons.

    There is no Black community- there will never be a black community and anyone that engages with these animals is on a fools errand for real.

    GoldenAh: The issue with black men, as opposed to men of other races, is that they don’t feel obligated, not even remotely, to be of any “manly” assistance (respect, protect and provide) to black women. If they do help they think it requires a sexual transaction. Unfortunately, for a lot black women they’ve being brainwashed into thinking this is normal. The relations between the two genders have become so debased, I’d say there’s no hope of recovery. The only women accepting of this are masochists who enjoy such denigration. Black people like to normalize their dysfunction and pretend it’s everyone else that’s crazy. We know that the 7 billion people on this planet are going to continue with their human norms, while we’ll keep compromising with crazy. It’s not working, but the near-majority of black folks will insist it does.

    For those of us who recognize B.S. when we see and hear it, we’re gonna have to keep repeating to the young and intelligent / older and wiser that what they’re suspecting as garbage actually is.

    I’ve asked non-black guys for help, even up to this day I still ask them for help, and I can tell you I look nothing like a super model. We don’t have to look like Beyonce to get assistance. We are women, even if negroes wanna convince us otherwise. Non-black men see us as women, and they are quite willing to help. What we need to do is stop relegating ourselves down to this sick whore / pimp mentality that predominates among negroes.

    Black women have no reason to feel guilt about anything. Being a black woman isn’t a punishment. And we’re not obligated to serve anyone for free, at their leisure, make ‘em feel good, assuage their massive oversensitive egos or petty feelings. This phoney guilt on black women is to prevent her from being treated as delicate beings with respect and protection. If it ended, so would the free ride for the man-child parasites. And the stupid defend it, because misery likes company.

    Smart and alert women will find their way, and they will understand the distinctions we’re making when it comes to men helping women and folks being used for nefarious purposes.

    Great input, Oshun. Sometimes you need to peak down into hell to realize what you’re escaping from. :D

  17. Oshun
    April 12th, 2012 @ 6:12 PM

    2. These negroes need to STFU regarding a race war esp. after the Martin case.

    They held a protest here and there were many BM who stated that things will explode into a race war.

    I am thinking what moron would announce that on TV aloud? As if it is a credible threat?

    If BM are not disciplined enough to hold on to the gains from the civil rights movement, can’t run a functioning community – they don’t have the skill to engage in guerilla warfare.

    They are just volunteering to commit suicide.

    This is not the 60s. These BM are not Bunchie, Bobby, Huey, and nem’. Although sexist as hell they at least seemed to be good strategists.

    The fact that these present folks are protesting when other means are more desirable and effective means that “they ain’t ready”. They don’t have a strategy and they can’t adapt.

    I mean the government has had practice back in the 60′s with urban terrain conflict. So they won’t be surprised and outmanuervered as they once were with the stuff that happened in Watts in the 60s. They have enacted measures and are arming local police with military level equipment as I type.

    All this means is mass mahem, suffering, and death for BW and their children. Were this to occur BW and children would be crushed as these fool men are brutally suppressed and they would become victims at the hands of other BM who would unleash on them in the resulting chaos.

    GoldenAh: Well, we’ve seen this with riots in the past and during Katrina: black women and children suffer the most when chaos comes to town.

    As for G Zimmerman, I saw his arrest tape. One look in his eyes and I wouldn’t have tried to talk or even get near the man: he looks straight-up nuts. I remember crazy back on the block in Brooklyn. We were luckier then, no one was carrying guns like they do today, but we had our share of crazies. And folks always said: Don’t argue with the guy, you never know if he has a gun. That kind of known unknown never changes.

    As you say, Oshun, what’s the point of all that violent revolutionary talk? Hasn’t this been going on since the 1960s? Outside of a moderate percentage of black people that took advantage of the opportunities for advancement, what’s happened since then?

    My next blog post will be about where blacks are versus other “minorities”…

  18. Oshun
    April 13th, 2012 @ 8:59 AM

    @ Believer- I think that line of reasoning will only affect a BW who is still stuck in mammy/soldier mode – or as Halima says in her new book “handmaiden”.

    I have noticed that some segments of the population have really amped up the racist rhetoric/fearmongering etc. Which tends to happen when things get bad “economic downturns” – people get scared, are more susceptible to divide and conquer, feel powerless and are looking for others to blame, scapegoat, and focus their rage.

    Despite that, I think the best strategy for BW and children is what has been discussed before: marrying strategically and using white privilege to their advantage.

  19. tater
    April 16th, 2012 @ 11:50 AM

    Hello y’all! its ol tater, your resident redneck. Ok, so this is free range commenting, right? Well let me put a couple of things out there before i get to whats on my mind.

    I’m opposed to Obamas policies, just a difference in beliefs. for those that want to equate that to racism, I can assure you his color has nothing to do with it. My personal preference for president is also black, and female for that matter. just wish she’d run.

    The Trayvon Martin case. I have no personal knowledge of any facts in this case. And I don’t trust the media outlets to give me the facts. So as with any case of this nature. I will wait for the facts to be presented to a jury and see what they decide.

    I said those things to say this.

    Two situations are running concurrently that could be very divisive in the area of dating IR, if people let them.

    I’m thinking of how strong willed we have to be to date IR to begin with. Forgive me if I say this wrong. But with these two situations seemingly being divided along color lines. How much more strong willed will we have to be to hold off the possible onslaught of negativity toward IRR? I wonder just how far some will go to use these situations to slow down IRR, especially between BWWM? Its just kind of been on my mind. Even though I’m currently not dating anyone. But I hope too soon.

    GoldenAh: Hello again, Tater. Always a pleasure when a man offers some input.

    Well, I think the economy could have recovered – like gangbusters – if the govt believed that the American people can manage their own affairs without so much interference. Politicians believe too much in own their power, that they can cure all of our problems through excessive mind numbing idiotic legislation. If they continue to distrust our ability to look after ourselves, then we’re going to make Greece look like a picnic. While I understand that we do have a large population of helpless morons, they aren’t the majority, so the govt’s efforts to treat all of us like clueless sheep is making things worse. :)

    You are right not to prejudge the T Martin case. I also think I could give G Zimmerman the benefit of the doubt if I was on the jury.

    As for IR: don’t all relationships require a level of compromise? For a number of black women, when she says something or someone bothers her, even if you don’t see or hear evidence of it or see it as important, for her it will be. Then again, that’s like most issues between men and women… :D

    There will always be people – who for some reason – have issues with black women and white men. They are happy to see everybody else together excepting those two. I’d say we have to ignore them, or if it gets strange, shut ‘em down. If folks can be tolerant of gay couples, then they damn well will have to live with BW / WM relationships.

    Thanks for the comments, Tater.

  20. Faith
    April 16th, 2012 @ 10:32 PM

    Of course there’s concern in certain quarters that MORE black women will flee Blackistan…and into the arms of white men.

    Resources are being LOST.

    White women are PISSED right now. At least according to Twitter.

    Nothing’s going to stop this train. There’s been far too much consciousness-raising.

    GoldenAh: Yup. They are getting shook. Cracks are appearing in their “worship me” foundations. I think it’s economic insecurity along with the realization that the rules are changing….

  21. Kay
    April 17th, 2012 @ 9:46 PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your cat.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your thoughts, Kay. It is appreciated. How have you been?

  22. MsMellody
    April 18th, 2012 @ 2:10 PM

    Hi Betty.

    When you said …” Well, we’ve seen this with riots in the past and during Katrina: black women and children suffer the most when chaos comes to town.”…

    I stood at my computer to give this statement a standing ovation.

    This totally and completely sums up what Khadija pointed out at one of her recent posts about the futile nature of Black people getting out in the streets “marching”..it speaks to the absolute lack of power.

    As this compares to the institutional power of the ruling group.

    This statement of yours totally spoke to all the news footage from that awful period with Katrina. Without drudging up those images…I will never forget how clear the bell rung in my head concerning how I had moved out and away from the Blackistan. I felt so good that I made that decision more than a decade earlier.

    GoldenAh: It’s not a new problem: Booker T Washington and W. E. B. DuBois were at opposite ends of the progressive black spectrum. Each man had a different philosophy regarding black people. Do the people compromise, get educated, learn a trade and build a nation? Or do they fight to integrate, vote, participate at the margins, and worry about the finer details later?

    Radicalism is sexy: lots of shouting, lots of talking, lots of marching and feeling self-satisfied. However, the real work comes from grimy, unromantic, long term thinking – building institutions that last a lifetime. And since we don’t have that kind of “black leadership”, we can safely shrug our shoulders, escape Blakistan figuratively and literally, and head for the hills to seek out the best lives we can have for ourselves. :)

    Khadija has a keen eye foretelling the state of black America.

    And thank you for the compliment, MsMellody. :)

  23. Arianna
    April 22nd, 2012 @ 3:59 PM

    can I just say- I think this site needs a little Michael Fassbender- he has no problem stepping out in public with his black girlfriends (Zoe kravitz, sunawin andrews, and now the fabulous nicole beharie.)
    Lots of white women on sites like tumblr are fuming about it but he looks happy and afffectionate with all these women.

    GoldenAh: I love the look and features of tumblr. Maybe I can incorporate those from WP – if there are apps available.

    Girl, I’m one of the laziest bloggers of the bunch. I’ve still got posts to write, I’ve been promising to write for years. LOL. :D

    I’ll keep the hot couples posts in mind: I do like seeing them.

    Thanks for the input, Arianna. Love the name.

  24. Dee Dee Russell
    May 5th, 2012 @ 2:44 PM

    Hey Betty

    My condolences on the lost of your dear cat, Buddy!

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your thoughts, Dee Dee. They are much appreciated.

    I remember that you had a cat too. He was beautiful. :)

  25. Dee Dee Russell
    May 8th, 2012 @ 7:45 PM

    Thank you Betty I hope you’re doing well, it takes some time to get over the lose of a beloved pet, yes my cat was handsome at 19 pounds and 19 years old. Something about those boy cats….

    GoldenAh: You were fortunate to have him for so long. Male cats are devilish little rascals…. :D

  26. MsMellody
    May 10th, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

    Okay…I needed some place to say this;

    I am so angry…about an incident that happened to me today. While out on my bike, I was verbally accosted 2 (two) times by – you guessed it – black males.

    Taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh..let me just state that – I knew before going out today that black people seem to be amazed to see a black woman carefree..out on her bike during a beautiful sunny day..smiling and going about her business. This seems to be such a sight to some people!! WHY??

    I already know the answer..I just wanted to just say those words. Anywhoooo these two incidents were not in anyway physical in nature. No one stepped off the sidewalk and into the street to put their hands on me ( I kept the pedals on the bike humming at a nice pace..because I am aware that some black men cannot control their damaged natures )..BUT – what did transpire just got under my skin today.

    As I was pedalling by – the Black men HAD to shout real loud in my direction ” Hey Miss”

    And in the second incident as I was on my way back to my condo ..an older black man who shouted to the freakin’ top of his lungs because there was a crowd of younger black guys walking near by him the following ..”Sing Girl Sing”!!!

    For the record I was NOT singing, I happened to have been humming to my self. The street was very very quiet at that moment, and the younger black guys had just walked past me on the sidewalk as I rode past them and the older black man was a few steps behind this group.

    And yes.. I already knew at that moment that this black man was taking the DBR black male perspective of “putting a shine” on me..or for lack of a better term he wanted to make sure that I looked to my right to acknowledge him as I rode by..a means of throwing dirt on me so to speak. I was just pedalling along in the street humming to myself, carefree in the sun, on a bright clear afternoon.

    I tell you all this – I knew that when my husband and i bought in this “gentrify-ing” area I thought that the groups of DBRs and the like would be long gone by now. But as I have read more and more of blogs like Betty’s and the others I have learned that this DBR’ness runs deeeeeeep into all age groups/education levels and locales.

    I am just angry for this moment I as a Black woman dont have the same sense of security..when I pedal down the street/walk down the street/ride the CTA etc.

    It just really irks me that if I had been blue eyed blonde that NEITHER of these dbr black men would have said a single peep to me.

    I’m done with my rant.

    GoldenAh: Great rant. Glad you came here to express this. Feel free. I know exactly how you feel. Sorry to hear these people ruined your day.

    There was a BM at my job that was out of order, but he seems to have calmed down. I was ignoring him until he started acting like a civilized human being.

    Just the other day, I had a smelly BM with a penetrating hostile stare deliberately crash his shopping cart into mine at my local grocery store. Since I have many other choices, I’m not going back there again. We have to be careful in this economy. I agree, MsMellody, being a BW anywhere alone, esp. with BM around – it’s not safe.

    Now, I have a BW at work who has major issues, but I’ve decided to ignore her, because I think she’d be thrilled to see me angry. In a few weeks the project ends, I’ll never see her again, so I’m just gonna put her on complete NigNore. That’s the best you can do with these people. It’s like they don’t realize a BW can be happy with themselves. They’re miserable and need you to join them in their misery.

    Thanks for your comments, MsMellody. :)

  27. MsMellody
    May 10th, 2012 @ 5:54 PM

    Forgot to add that;

    In both incidents – I DID NOT RESPOND in anyway to the dbr males.

  28. Oshun
    May 10th, 2012 @ 11:42 PM

    Ms Mellody

    I am so sorry to hear that. Look like old crusty should know better. This entitlement/ownership mentality has got to go!

  29. Oshun
    May 10th, 2012 @ 11:48 PM

    I am so happy today! I have been doing my happy dance for like 2 hours now. I think I may have even slipped and twerked once or twice!

    I just learned that Baby Boomers are no longer the largest voting bloc in the USA today! Google it yall!

    Its actually drum roll….

    Women!

    And Ms. Kumar from Voto Latino says that the “face” of this woman is single, working, and “diverse”.

    I wish BWE had a legal political arm! I wish I could remember all those posts from Rev. Lisa on special interests.

    If we can somehow manage/control the suicide bombers among us and come up with some strategies for dealing with “others” to our advantage – we could really change the game up in here!

    Now I must do more of my happy dance and then intellectually digest.

    GoldenAh: That’s interesting. I think that even with all the issues we’re hearing politicians talk about, I don’t feel like they’re addressing single, working and ethnically diverse women. The fight seems to be over married white women with kids and whether they are stay-at-home or not.

    I’d like politicians to talk about economic opportunity and improving the mess we have now.

    I like that expression “suicide bombers among us”, because for the life of me I’m tired of reading silly articles by BW that sounds like they’ve been composed by aliens. I’m especially sick of stupid opinions where they work hard to “other” us and take the view that all BW think in the same depraved and damaged way.

    Thank you for your thoughts, Oshun. :)

  30. MsMellody
    May 11th, 2012 @ 9:26 AM

    Thanks Oshun!!!

    I really appreciated your reply to my little outing yesterday.

    And yes we as women are a very powerful voting block. And I think..no I know deep in my heart that having a place like this and other blogs to learn from have been instrumental in changing a lot of women’s lives.

    We can change our directions and can make better lives for ourselves when we know OUR OWN power and use it WISELY!!!

    Just wanted to add this also – you know when I thought about that incident a little further this morning…I was glad that I was prepared to not respond and hold on to my power. Because giving those idiots any kind of “face” time as in acknowledging their existence was all that they were after. As a matter of fact I know this to be the truth because – in the first encounter a white man had just walked past this broken down black man and he ( the black man ) didnt say ONE SINGLE SOLITARY thing to this white man..but as soon as I had began pedalling my beautiful bike past this clown black man takes it upon himself to try to get me to acknowledge his existence i.e make him feel visible or important!!

    I laugh now as I am typing this- but I was angry at the time and just wanted to vent.

    Thanks again Oshun!

    GoldenAh: Sometimes I’m afraid I’m going to lose my temper and give one of these nitwits the satisfaction of watching me blow up. The best I can do is ignore them and take off. I have enough personal stresses – I don’t need them adding to it.

    Yes, you are so right, MsMellody, we have power and the key is not to let these people get to us.

  31. Mikey Tandino
    May 14th, 2012 @ 12:30 PM

    Ignoring these fools is the complete way to go. Im leaving work and some dude is yelling at me from his car as I am walking to the subway. They do this all the time, Black things with penises (cause they aint men) yell from cars, beep horns and be general nuisances.

    The best thing you can do is pretend that you do not even hear them. That really makes them angry.

    There are so many suicide bombers among us its not even funny. I met this one woman, 25 or something like that, I tell her about the movement to make street harassment illegal, she says “oh, I guess you want more Black men in jail then, huh?”. Ummmm why do you care? You should be more concerned about not being harassed on the streets. Turns out this same young Black woman was paying for dates and asking Black guys out.

    People like her are completely useless and cant see the error of their ways even when its pointed out to them.

    As for the white womens running scared, thats the damn truth. For years they ran around and so called flaunted the fact that they thought they poached Black guys from Black women. Thought that mattered, so in public they attempted to laud that over us. Some fools got angry and begged these Black dudes to come back home (wtf on that), others pulled intelligent playbook move #1 and ignored them.

    Now they see that if given the chance, White men dont really want them. Most white women age badly and from what Ive heard some have very questionable hygiene habits. (I can attest to that one as I share bathroom space with them at work. Lets just say its wholly unpleasant to have to use the restrooms behind any number of them). They clawing and scratching to stay at the top of the food chain, but sorry son, your time is done. Everyday it erodes even more.

    On a personal note when I am out with my BF who happens to be white, the most evil looks I get are from white women and junk ass negroes. I was walking with the BF and these lameballs had the nerve to say, you dont need to be with him you need to be with me. Of course it was a group of them. Just tryna show off.

    This is another topic entirely, but thats part and parcel of the larger issue, Black things with penises wanting to be peacocks instead of doing any real work. Always showing off for other Negroes cause they aint got nothing to offer but noise.

    GoldenAh: It’s interesting how we cannot be anywhere without some form of general harassment from strangers on the street. And to think that a suicide bombers thinks that the value of black males learning manners from law enforcement matters more than our general peace of mind and safety.

    Thanks for commenting, Mikey. :)

  32. MsMellody
    May 15th, 2012 @ 5:58 PM

    Goldenah & Mikey – Thank you soooo much for replying!!

    I have to admit…that I really had ALMOST forgotten about the street harassment..and the cat calls and all the “look at me antics”.

    I had really become accustomed to jetting out in my car and getting about..going to and fro in peace and quiet. Even in my “gentrifying” area.

    But I forgot…it’s SUMMERTIME ya’ll..it’s about to be hectic crazy on the streets.

    You know I have to say this from the bottom of my heart – I am SOOOOOO Thankful to have been a part of the discussions we have all had over the past couple of years. I feel stronger more empowered and MOST importantly I NO LONGER FEEL ALONE..in this knowledge that Blackistan is going down and is going to ACTIVELY pull as many women and children down with it.

    As Evia, Khadija and the other long term bloggers have noted..don’t stand close by, move away, geet fleet feet and run, start intentional communities, share those Blackistan videos, read the books, keep it moving.

    It was on blogs like this that i first read about “street harrassment”..it was on blogs like this that I learned of that wonderful wonderful word/action : NigNore ( i still giggle in satisfaction when I read that word)…it will save your life.

    But – everything should be learned inside the spectrum of nuance – so let me add this to the discussion;

    If you lovelies are out this summer..going to and fro..out for a beautiful summer nite at your various jazz/outdoor dance venue coffee shop wine location etc ( tried to include all the fun summer things ) and you come upon the various pockets of dbrs- actively press that “NigNore” button!!! Like Mikey did in her example of a nice summer outing. Great job Mikey T. !!!!! Just like Mikey said so eloquently ..” Always showing off for other Negroes cause they aint got nothing to offer but noise.”

    But if you are in a location by yourself or in a small group of maybe 2-3 single ladies a quick smile/glance ONLY if YOU keep moving SIMULTANEOUSLY. Get to the NEAREST well populated area..all the while dialing 911 inside your pocket on your cell phone with one hand.

    I actually remember reading that helpful hint at another blog..and at the time I thought..”oh my gosh is it really that serious ?”. BUT – oh my gosh..I have had a couple of re-awakening moments of being “re-accquainted with the demented disgusting social conditioning of some of these dbr negroes.

    And let me tell you..I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with that young lady who wrote that piece where she advised that we practice or learn how to dial emergency numbers on our cell phones in our pockets, actually memorize a fake number to give out if confronted and put on the spot.

    But – sorry to keep saying that – but I advocate moving away, socializing and mingling ONLY with men who will protect you and have shown by THEIR socialization that these men see it as a normal part of society to respect and protect women.

    Remember ladies – it’s summertime..and when leaving the house – ALWAYS grab your keys, cellphone, lip gloss and NEVER leave home without the convenient “NigNore” button!!!!

    Love it – LOL!!!!

    GoldenAh: Excellent advice, MsMellody. Thank you for your contribution, because it may help a young lady (or anyone for that matter) one day… There are too many instances of us giving someone the benefit of the doubt and things going wrong.

  33. GMsMellody
    May 15th, 2012 @ 8:52 PM

    It’s raining out right now..so I came back and re-read your earlier response Goldenah.

    As far as that smelly BM that DELIBERATELY crashed his cart into yours just to get your attention/validate his existence —- I absolutely COMMEND you for making the clear cut decision to NOT go back to that grocer.

    I totally agree with you. Maybe this grocer is close to your home or is on your way home from work or whatever…whatever it may be..if going out of your way means that YOU INSURE YOUR SAFETY– SO BE IT!!!!!!

    I had a similar very uncomfortable too close for comfort run in at a local gas station. And I made the decision that day to only and I mean ONLY go to that gas station ( which is just blocks from my home ) ONLY WITH MY WHITE husband.

    And wouldnt you know it — no more up close and personal interactions with the homeless that stand on the outer perimeter of the station grounds..and no more potato chip crunching grungy bm eyeballing me and making lewd comments as I pay for my gas and return to my car!!!!

    GoldenAh: I wasn’t used to seeing someone like him in the store. Also, I’m used to being left alone, so I was surprised at the madness of his actions. But I have to realize that with today’s crazy negroes, they really don’t care where they are – if there’s a black woman to harass – they will do it. I never had to have that level of awareness in my area, but I guess I cannot drop my guard anymore. It angers me, because I’d like to think I have somewhere I can be at peace without worrying about some smelly, filthy nutjob attacking me. That’s why I left NYC.

    Yes, MsMellody, we have to make a conscious and deliberate choice to avoid where certain kinds of black folks congregate. I’m not naive enough to believe I’m safe around them, our experiences have proven otherwise. And I’m not willing to pretend that if I ignore my common sense or feelings of discomfort that I should act like I’m not in harm’s way. We simply cannot trust people whose first instinct is to bother, harass and likely attack us….

  34. Mikey Tandino
    May 16th, 2012 @ 10:27 AM

    I wanted to add something else about the cell phone and some other tidbits. Another good idea would be to have the emergency number on a speed dial so all you have to do is press one number and boom!

    I’ll relay another story of getting these Negroes where it hurts.

    I live in NYC and we have some free paper they hand out called AM New York. Most of the people hired to hand out these papers are lovely. The men and women are fantastic. There was one guy who was so cheerful and joyous that he was able to obtain a better job from his exposure in the subways. But I digress. They frequently rotate the distributors and one of these shiftless negros was always looking and mumbling under his breath and smiling too long. He wasnt as obnoxious as he could have been so I let it ride.

    They switched the dudes and this new one was simply out of control. He was very vocal, and always leering and stairing. It was downright uncomfortable! Keep in mind loser-junk is doing this while he is on his job. I said I dont have to take this. I called up AM New York and spoke to someone in HR. I gave them the train station and location and explained to them what this person was doing. HR person assured me that this was not how they wanted their brand represented and informed me a supervisor would be down to investigate.

    Do you know that fool was gone in two days? Came to work and there was this nice lady handing out the papers now. I promptly called the same HR man at AM New York to thank him for his expediency and to sing the praises of the new person. Im sure that fool will never know what or why it happened or who said something, but maybe next time he will think twice. Maybe.

    My point here is to say that when we can have these Negroes rotten behavoir nipped in the bud, we should!

    We all have war stories about Black men saying and doing inappropriate things to us just because they feel they can. Getting away is always your best option, ignoring when you can is the second, but reporting them when possible is a way to ensure that their behavoir will not be tolerated.

    Lets keep pushing. We know we are on the right road and will ultimately win out because of it.

    GoldenAh: I agree with you, Mikey. And the reasons are myriad as to why we shouldn’t put up with disrespect. I also feel that you’ve saved some young girl / woman from being attacked. These guys don’t just leave it at staring or leering, they get to the point where they start to stalk and follow their potential victims.

    I’ve never hesitated to complain about these guys (esp. on the job) if they are out of order. These negroes never treat non-black women with the kind of disrespect they reserve for black women. For them we are the only people they feel free to treat in any manner, because for too long the “suicide bombers” give them an opt-out to do as they please. I don’t care if he’s fired or sent to jail if he’s a threat. Saving the “brothas from prison” is something entirely within their control, not black women.

  35. MsMellody
    May 17th, 2012 @ 10:30 AM

    Yaaaaah!!!! I have both arms raised and am doing the happy dance for your Mikey T.

    See that’s the way you handle these situations. As other bloggers have said over and over again – you hit’em in the pocketbook..or follow the MONEY TRAIL ladies..this is where the answer to that question resides.

    The question of “how to BEST handle those uncomfortable ugly street harassment/lewd behavior issues with the dbr black male crew.

    When in a public place – as in Mikey’s example which fits soooo many public situations that involve these types of males – you ( ladies ) write to or call the CORPORATE entity that PAYS these males to represent the CORPORATE entity. And you betta believe there will be a change .

    Always, in a public place ..keep it moving -but make note as fast as you can of the CORPORATE – or – PUBLIC entity that these males could possibly be associated with.

    And when I say PUBLIC ENTITY — let’s say you get some rude stares/aggressive mannerisms while outside your local BP Amoco, or while on a CTA bus, or outside the METRA station, or you can barely get inside of the local Jewel food store without being buzzed by the aggressive panhandler…what to do..what to do?

    Common sense should dictate to you that you take pencil to paper and write to the HQ of all these entities with detailed description of any incident that has taken place. Give appropriate date/time and who and what happened.

    That HQ is going to contact that local franchise, manager on duty, general manager etc. And you better believe that “shit rolls down hills”, and there will be a change to your daily interaction with either public or private entities.

    We as Black women have to use the SAME exact tools that other women use…pen to paper, phone calls, speaking up to the powers that be.

    That is called “going after the pocketbook” “following the money trail”.

    Great job Mikey!!!

    GoldenAh: Exactly. Great advice, MsMellody, because I’ve been lax in taking charge of these kinds of situations. I have to remember to do these things as well, because that’s the only way to make our environment(s) safer. We cannot let anyone get away with even the smallest thing, because it only encourages them.

  36. Andrea
    May 21st, 2012 @ 6:55 PM

    @ GoldenAh
    So sorry to hear about your cat. It must be very hard to lose an old friend like that. I love cats! And I’ve always wanted one. I recently moved to a pet friendly apartment, but I am concerned that, because of my schedule, I won’t be able to give a cat the attention it needs.

    @GoldenAh, @Mikey and @MsMellody
    You’re all very right about reporting harrassment whenever possible. That is the only thing that ever makes a difference. If you continue to “let it go”, with these types of men, it will eventually escalate to violence. If not with you, with some other poor woman. Misogynists are very predictable. And the “Black” variety count on the BC brainwashing program to turn BW into sister-soldier / mammy types who will protect them from the consequences of their own behavior, even when it’s destroying their own lives. That’s why when a BW does nothing, dbrs assume that they can do ANYTHING to you, because you won’t want to “get a brotha in trouble”. I’ve seen this play out many times.

    Maybe this is why BM are always so shocked when the person shutting down their aggression towards BW is a BW. Frankly, I find their surprise pretty bizarre.

    I’ve been away too long (internet hookup issues associated with my move). I never heard the phrase “suicide bombers” before today, in reference to BW with no sense of self preservation, but it’s certainly apt. I learn so much from you ladies. Thank you!

    BTW, has anyone here seen Scandal? It’s become my new favorite show. Can hardly wait for season 2.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your condolences, Andrea. I won’t forget him, but I’ve finally gotten well past the weepy / sobbing / crazy like a baby phase. :)

    I like Scandal, it’s been a lot of fun to watch so far.

  37. neccra
    May 21st, 2012 @ 8:15 PM

    I was thinking of famous and non famous black women who have children with dbr black men.
    Lauryn, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu all have kids with dbr men, and singing about black love. They’re are still not married to any of the men they had kids with. Add Jennifer Hudson to the list with her manchild wrestler boyfriend. And Usher’s ex wife and pdiddy’s baby mama’s and their kids.Lauryn Hill’s ‘boyfriend’ just married a Brazilian model, even though Lauryn had 6 kids and was with him for over 10 years. This is why black women need to vet,or they will spend their lives waiting for dbr black men to come around, while she raises their kids alone, and he’s goes off with other women.

    GoldenAh: I think the “black community” has reached the point where marriage doesn’t matter anymore. It’s only among people who want to be married and think it has value who bother. And that is happening mostly among the educated “upper classes” and a shrinking portion of the middle class. Everyone else is doing their own thing – whatever that may be.

    Unfortunately, the masses of black people are very impressionable, since the “black community” seems to follows the ignorant, violent, criminal, shameless, and low-class entertainers as role models more than the rest of the American population.

    You’ve made good points, Neccra. Thanks for commenting.

  38. nadjia
    May 21st, 2012 @ 9:11 PM

    I was thinking about relationships, and the reality show with Ice T and Coco. There was an episode where his children and grandchldren came to visit, who are being raised elsewhere by his baby mamas, and how when he got ready to settle down he picked a white woman. Which is fine, I don’t care who he decides to marry. But I did notice that she has a large shoe collection, and he buys her whatever she wants, and takes her to Hawaii on their honeymoon. But if a black women were in that same position, it would be like, “Oh your a goldigger, I’m not buying you all that stuff. You should just be glad your with me.” That’s why black women need to vet, because when black men find someone they like, they shower them with gifts and take care of and provide for them. The mothers of his children are probably single mothers or struggling financially because they refused to look outside the box when looking for a proper relationship. p.s. I think his children live in different states, becuase I never saw him spend any time with them. I know it’s an edited half show, but he’s either working on his show, or showering all his attention on his wife.

    GoldenAh: It’s one thing that people suspect this is the way black women are treated, but the fact that it’s now broadcast around the world in “reality shows” makes it worse. It just leaves the impression that black women are incredibly stupid and mentally deficient.

    And the purpose of these reality shows with black men catering to white or non-black women is continued reinforcement of the media’s racist / sexist hierarchy 24/7.

    Good points, Nadjia.

  39. Oshun
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 12:33 AM

    I am going to pass out. I just read a new stat that the OOW rate in most inner cities among BW has now reached 90%!

    I am sick.

    GoldenAh: 90%? Wow. That’s ridiculous. This is the culture now. I don’t see marriage being viewed as necessary or normal anymore. We’ve reached the point of no return. I suppose until the government stops subsidizing non-marriage, this will continue.

  40. Oshun
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 12:53 AM

    @ Goldenah

    “That’s interesting. I think that even with all the issues we’re hearing politicians talk about, I don’t feel like they’re addressing single, working and ethnically diverse women. The fight seems to be over married white women with kids and whether they are stay-at-home or not.

    I’d like politicians to talk about economic opportunity and improving the mess we have now.”

    Cosign. They will have to-eventually I believe. I/my needs will not be ignored. I am totally ready to use this to my advantage. I just don’t want the suicide bombers to mess this up.

    “I like that expression “suicide bombers among us”, because for the life of me I’m tired of reading silly articles by BW that sounds like they’ve been composed by aliens. I’m especially sick of stupid opinions where they work hard to “other” us and take the view that all BW think in the same depraved and damaged way.”

    I had to laugh at the aliens comment, but so true. I have to cosign. I am so grateful that I was saved by bloggers such as yourself.

    @MsMellody No problem. I know sometimes we have to get toxic stuff out. I am sure that was jarring for you. You were going along in peace and then these freaks just up and violated you. I think your anger was a valid response. I mean no one does this to other folks on the level that BM do this to BW. We have the right to move through life unmolested.

    @Mikey You should have asked her, “And I guess you want more BW and BGs raped, molested, assaulted and/or dead, huh?”

    “For years they ran around and so called flaunted the fact that they thought they poached Black guys from Black women. Thought that mattered, so in public they attempted to laud that over us.”

    I have some thoughts about this. I feel like this was/is not just simple competition/cattiness among women. This is/was racio-misogyny.

    “and from what Ive heard some have very questionable hygiene habits.”

    **DEAD**

    I am scared to even ask.

    And good for you for standing up for yourself! You are on the ball!

    @MsMellody, Mikey, Goldenah, and Andrea – thanks for all the tips and advice on keeping BW and girls safe!

  41. Oshun
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 1:04 AM

    @Andrea

    The whole suicide bombers concept just popped into my head. I mean they are nearly one in the same to me – whether Black or Muslim Fundies.

    Suicide bombers are extremists whose actions:

    1. harm decent Muslims.
    2. cause suffering to innocents.
    3. alienate potential allies as they create fear etc

    The list could go on, but that is what BW suicide bombers do.

    They all harm decent normal BW. Their actions/inactions cause suffering to BW/BGs bc they try to cut off avenues of escape/improvement. Their actions paint us all as crazy/pathological so potential allies run for the hills.

    Add to list as necessary…

  42. Faith
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 1:20 AM

    http://actsoffaithblog.com/you-can-be-a-suicide-bomber-for-blackistan-or-serve-your-best-interests-like-other-women-do

    GoldenAh: Great post. It has to become a mantra among black women to give up that self-destructive mindset.

  43. Oshun
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 5:02 AM

    Hi Faith,

    I am so sorry. I had not read your post until you posted it in the thread. I apologize. It is not my intention to rob your work – so again I am sorry and in the future if I use such references will credit them to you and your blog post. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

  44. Faith
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:08 AM

    Oshun,

    You didn’t. I think I may have heard it used elsewhere…but I don’t remember. There’s a big difference between sharing information and having fake BWE infiltrators attempt to hijack established work because they won’t come up with their own content. Carry on….

  45. Faith
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:12 AM

    I find it interesting how certain folks are seething at Mayor Booker, now that he’s showing how post-racial (and post-Obama) he is.

    GoldenAh: Why they mad, though? What do the Obamanuts and Obamunists expect? Wall Street generates a lot of jobs for the New York region extending over 50 miles or so. Where do these people think all the jobs are coming from? Just the gov’t? Corey Booker is thinking about the kind of jobs Newark needs for the people there. The Dems attacking Wall Street with one hand and getting fistfuls of dollars (via funding raising) with the other doesn’t make any sense.

    At least he lives in the hood, where he sees what’s going on upfront and personal. He’s done his part to be a neighbor who shovels their stoops and runs into burning buildings to save them. It doesn’t make him exempt from criticism, but he’s right about one thing: the economy is going to be the only deciding factor in this election, and people want jobs. Attacking the creators and investors of companies isn’t going to cut it.

  46. Formavitae
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 8:15 PM

    @Oshun (re: that stat you mentioned)

    That’s a nightmare!

    (…and a DAYmare, too!)

    @necrra et al.

    I just commented about this on one of Faith’s older posts. Black males will have multiple children with a women (or SEVERAL women), but they turn around and marry a woman who hasn’t given them ONE child. It’s as though the moment a BW has a BM’s baby, he no longer considers her marriage material. It angers me that BM will leave their children to grow up fatherless while willingly playing the role of “father figure” to another man’s children. BM don’t seem to mind being around children they have no blood or legal responsibility to. But, they run away from their own.

    I’ve never been personally objected to marrying a man who has children HE TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR, though I have no children of my own. But, these days, I just feel like telling men, “Go be with the mother of your child(ren).”

  47. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:46 PM

    When Jayz said he would stop using the word Bitch after his daughter was born, I felt that was a cop out. 99% of rap is degrading to women and black people in general. That’s blood money he and Beyonce are living on. Music that glamourizes violence and sex. And the women in the videos who choose to marry these people (Beyonce) are silent agreers. Beyonce, Rihanna, Nicki are good for Vegas. You can take any attractive black woman, put her in some tight clothes with a catchy tune, and replace them. If they want to be seen as role models, they need to look at themselves and the company they keep, and tone down there drop it like it’s hot persona a little. If they don’t want to be soon as role models, they can keep doing what their doing. I know most of the rappers wouldn’t want their daughters being treated the way the women are in the videos. I think we can be protesters by not buying their music. Then they would have to go underground. Also, it’s interesting how black men like to complain of racial profiling, which is sometimes true, but in the rap vidoes, they don’t mind being portrayed as the dumb violent oversexed thug.

    GoldenAh: JayZ can promise to be saintly now. He’s made his money and he’s starting a family, so I can see how he wants a clean slate image for his offspring.

    I don’t buy music anymore. I don’t listen to or follow any rappers, hip hop or urban radio stations. I know a lot of younger people follow these people, but they’re basically all the same to me. I don’t expect much from them, since they’re mostly drug addled, emotionally unstable and mentally disturbed children. I simply see them as entertainers: their job is to amuse and entertain, but not take seriously. I honestly don’t expect them to behave in any manner that anyone with sense should follow or pay any attention to.

    And not giving them our money or time is the best option.

    Thanks for your observations, Necy.

  48. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:50 PM

    I just saw this really old movie (1994)’Once Were Warriors’ which storyline mirrors the black community. It’s better than most movies that are out today, with big star names overloaded special effects.

    http://youtu.be/_NV45ZuepZo
    http://youtu.be/Qz-QJUujzKQ

    GoldenAh: Is that about the Maori people? I think I heard about this film years ago, but I didn’t watch it because of the violence.

  49. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:52 PM

    Since when does having a sex tape, or being a bisexual stripper equate to becoming famous and having endorsement deals. (Amber Rose) I don’t care if you made a sex tape, if your bi or straight, or a stripper. It’s their life, they can do what they want. I’m talking about because someone did that, that is the sole reason for their fame and fortune. Some of these celebrities earn 99% (millions) of the world’s income, while the 1% makes a lost less. There are people who have never done any of these things, and are having trouble finding a job. Basic moral values are going down the drain.

    GoldenAh: That’s true. I don’t know why Amber Rose is famous. I still don’t know who she is. I’m not interested in her either.

    But we’ve got to find a way to let these people go … that way they disappear from the media spotlight faster.

  50. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:53 PM

    What do you think of Tupac? I think the issue with Tupac was that he was raised by thugs and political activists. He liked to straddle the line between helping his people and keeping up his thug image. Even when he was killed in public some of his so called “friends” who were present at the time of the shooting didn’t step forward. In a documentary he said when his mom was involved with the black panthers, sometimes they would treat the organization like their personal bank account. They weren’t always looking out for their people. I don’t like people who like to straddle the line, and won’t pick a side. You have to look at what someone does and not what they say.

    GoldenAh: With Tupac, his rapping style and technique was distinct. Although I felt his acting was best. He was very talented in that area. But he also struck me as a wee bit of a suicidal and mentally disturbed criminal. He wanted the “Thug Life”, because that was the road to fame.

    It used to be that entertainers of various stripes had a persona – a “brand” – they only showed to the public. And when they were with friends or off-stage they were allowed to be “normal” or have a private life. Now, we get people who want to be the image they portray all the time. That’s the definition of being mentally unstable IMHO. Well, if they want to “keep it real” – it will cost them their lives. Idiotic, really.

    I think the Black Panthers started out with a good and thoughtful 10 point plan – like HeadStart (that the gov’t copied), but couldn’t go beyond that, because the Feds were after them and they got in their own self-destructive way.

  51. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:54 PM

    Whatever happened to the Million Man March? Weren’t black men supposed to come together and help their community?

    GoldenAh: I had forgotten about that event. I didn’t expect anything of it. So, no surprises there. I think we have to accept that the notion of black organizations functioning properly to help the “black community” don’t exist, until it’s a well funded and run non-profit. I’m certain there are those that exist which aren’t media publicity hounds, they focus on one or two things they will achieve and competently get things done.

  52. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:58 PM

    This is what black men need to be thinking about and telling other black men. Keep it in your pants, get a vasectomy, or take care of your kids. This goes for black women too. They are bringing into the world useless kids (because they won’t raise them or teach them any morals or values) who grow up to be useless adults who turn into criminals who prey on society because they don’t care about them, all they care about is making sure the black race doesn’t die. p.s. I know men and women of all races have kids out of wedlock or multiple children in general, (they can get vasectomies too) but we all know in Blackistan it’s an epidemic. I like children, I just don’t like it when someone decides to have mutliple kids, abuses their kids, or decides to bring them up in poverty not giving them a decent chance in life, or decides to raise them without morals or values. And this post only refers to the dbr black men and women who do this, of course I’m not speaking of all black people. Think about this: If every woman on the planet decided they wanted to have 10 kids a piece, the world would be more overpopulated than in it is now, and half of the kids would grow up to be criminals due to parental neglect.

    http://bossip.com/587475/the-problem-in-the-black-community-man-with-30-kids-begs-the-courts-to-help-him-with-his-child-support-i-cant-afford-them-all-video6969/

    http://bossip.com/583527/mother-of-15-pregnant-with-her-16th-child-tells-tale-of-being-tased-by-one-time-at-her-hotel-with-all-of-her-kids-video69691/

    GoldenAh: The funny thing is that in this race to the bottom, the black population may appear to be part of the minority-will-be-majority group(s), but it’s actually shrinking. At some point in the future, the black population in the USA will be the smallest minority group (next to Native Americans).

    If you think we’re dysfunctional and problematic now, just wait until the other populations get sick of black people. Or focus on us as the focal point of all that’s wrong with America. The only thing keeping them from regarding us as a problem is we’re still a talking point on the issue of racism, or at least black men are.

    Our existing collective “power” is dwindling, and the lunacy that passes as “black culture” is the nitro injection leaping the car over a cliff.

  53. necy
    May 22nd, 2012 @ 11:58 PM

    Taking advantage of welfare: ODB (Old Dirty Bastard) “He once drove to a welfare office in a limousine to collect food stamps, trailed by invited camera operators MTV. Taking government assistance after receiving a $40,000 advance from his record company.”

    http://youtu.be/KVatze-k7Bc

  54. necy
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 10:25 AM

    I was thinking of the activist Eldridge Cleaver former member of the Black Panthers, former drug dealer, serial rapist and other various crimes, who later become a republican. In his book ‘Soul on Ice’ 1965 written while in prison, he describes how he raped black women for practice before moving on to rape white women. He described these crimes as “politically inspired, motivated by a conviction that the rape of white women was an insurrectionary act.” Just wanted an excuse to rape women. This is an example of the type of black men who committ crimes, and then go around trying to police others, telling them what to do. They’re suppossedly about supporting and uplifting their people, but some of these black activists were drug dealers, rapists, married to white women, or using funds donated to the cause for their own personal use. And if you were to call them on what they did in the past, they would deny it or say, “I was going through a phase, I don’t do that anymore, I’m here to help my people.” These type of men try to tell others what to do, ignoring the hypocrisy that some of their own people committed these same type of crimes in the past and present, including sometimes slavery.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eldridge_Cleaver

    GoldenAh: Your example here shows how much white guilt allowed EC, and black males like him, to become someone “respectable” and “reform” his image. The criminal justice system was unfair and probably still is to black people, but the problem is that it doesn’t make them political prisoners since they are likely to be guilty of violent crimes. We’ve gotten to the point where people are convinced that black men shouldn’t go to jail for any crimes they commit, esp. against black women and children. It’s one thing not to have faith in the justice system, it’s another to be a criminal and terrorize people. It’s evil.

  55. Oshun
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 3:23 PM

    @ Faith

    I really appreciate your graciousness around my faux pas. :) I do believe in giving credit where credit is due and you have really put in some work. That was a great post BTW.

    @Formavitae

    I know – right. 70% was bad, but in many areas 90! 90%?? I am having a knee jerk reaction of trying to refute/deny/block that out. But considering all that has been discussed re: the trajectory of the BC- it seems like the only logical predictable outcome. When it hits 100% its a wrap.

    @Neccra

    You know I never noticed that about all the problack earth mothers. But it is quite ironic – the delusion of Black Love has only brought them severe pain. They are some very talented women who could easily use those assets to move in arenas the average person could only dream about. And yet they suffer needlessly.

    @Nadjia

    ‘and how when he got ready to settle down he picked a white woman. Which is fine, I don’t care who he decides to marry. But I did notice that she has a large shoe collection, and he buys her whatever she wants, and takes her to Hawaii on their honeymoon. But if a black women were in that same position, it would be like, “Oh your a goldigger, I’m not buying you all that stuff. You should just be glad your with me.”’

    Ok, I am not Jill Scot wincing, but if I could wince – this would make me do. I believe if any woman on this earth deserves to be treated this well – it is the Black Woman. The killing part about it- he got those resources to take her to Hawaii and have a shoe collection from black folks! And I am sure a good number of them were BW.

  56. Oshun
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 3:52 PM

    @Necy

    Once We Were Warriors was a decent movie.

    “I know most of the rappers wouldn’t want their daughters being treated the way the women are in the videos.”

    Hear me and hear me good. Many BM do not care how their daughters are treated by other DBRBM. Just let that sink in and feel the truth of that statement. Because it is true.

    I don’t know what their thought process is, but if Black fathers cared:

    1. No teen girl would EVER get pregnant, especially by an adult male because the (the pedos) would all be dead in the gutter before sunrise.
    2.Street harassment would disappear overnight.
    3. Crime and other forms of tomfoolery would sharply drop off bc well, there would be serious consequences.

    Consider this:

    My father was great, but I have men in my family – whom I stay far away from – who witness their daughters being treated like crap, used, and abused, chewed up and spit out by DBRBM – all day long!

    They never say “get rid of that bum” or even identify the guy to the daughter as a bum! And they certainly don’t intervene if if the guy is beating her butt – even to say don’t touch my daughter or to call 911.

    These men will watch their own flesh and blood get ripped off financially, work two low paying pink collar jobs while some negro is laying up in her house etc etc ad naseum!

    Now what I have observed is that they will talk about it. To other people like they are gossiping about a stranger or acquaintance behind their back. But these are not strangers these are their offspring.

    Necy I have heard sorry so and so BM low rate their own daughters!

    One guy used to make me so enraged – he would call his daughter stupid and crazy and used to say she looked like a stripper. She was 17! He had full custody.

    I was like you don’t think she feels that you think/feel that she is stupid/crazy? You don’t think she feels that coming off of you and responds accordingly? Why would you say that about your own flesh? Kid do silly things. They experiment. They make mistakes. They will try your patience. That is what adults/parents are for.

    And what normal person says their daughter looks like a stripper like thats ok. And if she does why the heck haven’t you talked to her about self respect and how to carry herself.

    And a good portion of this behavior I have witnessed is courtesy of Good BM™ and Nice Guy™ as Khadijah would say. So called middle class, good job holding, home owning, car owning negro males.

    Just look at the case of the seven year old BG that was gang raped in NJ. Her father twisted his lips to deliver a public statement that some of the men present while his precious 7 year old baby was being raped to death were trying to ‘help’ her. Say what? Huh? I don’t understand.

    Her father said that! Her father! Even though his daughter is now mentally, physically, sexually, and emotionally scarred for life and may have to face a social stigma (black folks love to blame them fast unrapeable black girls) he had so much compassion in his heart he couldn’t resist attempting to save some BM from the “system”. (serious side eye)

    “I think we can be protesters by not buying their music. Then they would have to go underground.”

    This is a good start, but the largest consumers of this crap are white folks now. It is not enough to stop buying – we have to provide strong incentives to make others stop buying as well.

    GoldenAh: Awesome points, Oshun. Sometimes the truth is there in our faces and we have to point out the obvious. There’s nothing preventing BM from being responsible men, they simply don’t care to be bothered. And BW have to stop making excuses for their lack of concern.

  57. Oshun
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 4:02 PM

    @Necy

    I think you need a popular culture detox. Black popular culture is garbage. There is too much free floating hatred for BW. Preserve your mind and spirit dear heart. I also think it would be of benefit to disconnect from BM. They are never going to do any of the things you listed so that is wasted energy. Things are too far gone. BM are a lost cause.

    Focus on empowering yourself, nurturing yourself, having healthy relationships outside of DBRBM, and living your best life.

    Re: Amber Rose – don’t know this person, but if she is black and has successfully used sexual capital to elevate herself more power to her. I have never heard of such. Only WW have been known to do that. And I do not advise BW to go that route bc it typically does not end well, but if she was the exception to the rule – more power to her.

  58. necy
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 9:45 PM

    What do you think of Shahrazad Ali – In her books she seems to place all the blame for what’s wrong with black people on black women. She seems to be racist psychotic misogynistic. It seems even the dbr black people that have never heard of her have been doing this in bc(black community) for generations. There’s a hilarious parody from In Living Color summarizing her works.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_woTxQl9bLA
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tCJbAs0TrY

    GoldenAh: Wow, you’re going way back. I probably skimmed through that book, but never really read it. It’s basically ghetto psycho junk writings, not serious scholarly work. If someone wants to read sociology regarding black people – start with everything written by W.E.B. DuBois: The Souls of Black Folk. He covers the history of black people and their progression from the first and second generations after the ending of slavery. The material is from the early 1900s, but you’ll see that some problems haven’t changed, and yet there has been great progress. :)

  59. necy
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 10:15 PM

    I agree with above posters’ comments, I can not worry about what black men will do for their community anymore. Clearly they do not care what happens to their people. Aside from a few friends and family, most black men should be avoided like the plague. Even the famous ones who are good people (Denzel, Will Smith) are not speaking out against this. Black women can not fix their ‘problems’. Black women deserve a healthy happy life just like all other women, and if they keep going back to the mostly dbr men, that will be their lot to endure in life. Oshun your right, black popular culture is garbage. I will not be speaking anymore about dbr black men in the media, they are a lost cause.

    GoldenAh: Some of us come out of the gate knowing that something as broken as the collective of black men isn’t a project for any single group of people to solve, esp. black women. And some of us take a little longer to get to that point, which is fine. As BW we have our own issues to resolve, and frankly, we can live WITHOUT black men. A lot of black women are already living without male support even as they desire to be fully enmeshed in some Utopian “black community”.

    Most of the other communities across the country work, but most black neighborhoods are filled with broken and damaged people. The stats speak for themselves, our experiences speak for themselves, and once you reach the point where you realize you ONLY need to look out for yourself – things begin to look up. You, as an individual black woman are NOT obligated to WORRY about strangers who happen to share you complexion or phenotype. At one time we could have made that assumption, but that time is dead and gone.

    Life will improve for every black women once she realizes that the “black community” she wants to fix is broken beyond repair, and she’d be helping to create a whole new community if she seeks wider and better pastures elsewhere. Her life belongs to her, not some “community”. All she needs to do is leave Blackistan and never look back, ’cause if she does, she becomes like Lot’s wife and turns into a pillar of salt.

    We all have better things to do than worry about people who refuse to help themselves. There are no excuses anymore.

    It’s good to see you come to your own conclusions about this issue, Necy. It’s like going through detox. It’ll take time, but you’ll realize there a wealth of other things to think about and make plans for in your life.

  60. Andrea
    May 24th, 2012 @ 11:12 AM

    @necy

    Interesting links, however, when I clicked both links a full-screen ad for Ciroc vodka came up. This troubles me, almost as much as what’s in the articles. I had never visited Bossip before, but I can’t help but believe that they could find more wholesome sponsors for their site, if they really wanted to.

    I equate it with the liquor stores that always find their way to lower middle class and poverty stricken, predominately “Black”, neighborhoods in this country. It’s shameful! And Bossip should know better and actually care enough about Black folks — “their” people, to not allow such advertsing on their website.

    As for that Hatchett man, since he behaves like a stray dog he needs to be fixed like one. I know there are many Black people who would accuse me of promoting the destruction of the imaginary “black race”, but lets get real here. People like that man and his last 9 baby mamas are not capable of bringing decent people, who will make society better, into the world. They’re too d*mn stupid.

    My solution: If a man has one child out of wedlock and refuses to provide for said child, he is to be sterilized. This would make welfare a non-issue for most African Americans, since the problem is being caused by stupid, whorish men, who refuse to keep it in their pants, or even bother with a condom. Some of these men are putting holes in condoms to purposely impregante BW/BG who are going places, so that they can have an all-access pass into these women’s lives, or at least derail their plans for the future. Since we all know that most BM are vain and selfish, they will start stepping up to prevent being made sterile, and possibly less desirable to the type of women they hope to trap later on. And if they aren’t willing to step up, there will be one less baby making / abandoning fool on the loose.

    I’m sure most folks will disagree (maybe not here) and say it’s unfair, because the mother is responsible too, but in the end, she is actually raising the child — doing her part. Even if she’s a piss poor mother, who cares more about getting her nails done than making sure her child has completed their homework (I’ve come across a few), she’s at least trying. What is the “father” doing? In most cases absolutely nothing.

    Not that I am saying women who have multiple children out of wedlock should be let off the hook, IF taxpayers (like us) are being made to fund their stupidity. The condition for receiving government assistance — if you are a woman with more than one child — should be an IUD, or some other high success-rate birth control method that cannot be ‘forgot’. But the fact is, most women are sane enough to realize that having multiple oow children is a horrendously bad idea, and so will not put themselves in that circumstance in the first place. The crazies, like the woman in the 2nd link, are too mentally unbalanced to use birth control or raise children in the first place and need to be permanently sterilized for the good of the children they have already produced, themselves and society.

    I do believe that the police officer who tasered the pregnant mother of 15 needs to lose his badge, if it’s proven that she’s even telling the truth — she is not the easiest person to side with, if you know of her past demands that ‘someone needs to give her money’ for all the kids she keeps breeding oow. Frankly, I think that all the money that taxpayers are spending on her and her more than a dozen offspring (past, present and future), should be financial compensation enough, since any settlement she would receive would have to come from tax dollars.

    “Just look at the case of the seven year old BG that was gang raped in NJ. Her father twisted his lips to deliver a public statement that some of the men present while his precious 7 year old baby was being raped to death were trying to ‘help’ her.”
    ~Oshun

    This type of typical AA nonsense is exactly why when something like the Trayvon Martin case occurs, so many people (non-blacks, non-AA Blacks and even some AA Blacks) who might otherwise be a supporter think “They don’t even value their own lives, or the lives of their children, unless they can blame someone White or passing for White, so why should I get involved?”

    It’s just heartbreaking that this happened to such a young child. And the people who enabled this to happen (her nitwit father included) should have to pay a hefty price for it as well, but they won’t … as usual. This is one of the reasons I am thinking of leaving the country, if only for a few years. I haven’t traveled in years, and I miss all the sane kindly people I met abroad.

    However, I have been warned that you can now be punished for trying to leave “the land of the free” without a return ticket. I find that hard to believe, but who knows. We have a President who admires the Chinese government. Scary.

    GoldenAh: I’m sure you are aware there was a time, as late as the 1970s, where the gov’t was sterilizing people. Usually the reason was very low IQ, but that’s no longer legal. As we all know, once the wrong people get their hands on this type of power, they abuse it. I think some cases were recently settled in North Carolina, because a number of people were sterilized without their knowledge.

    I understand where you are coming from in bringing up sterilization, Andrea, because the whole issue is children being held hostage in order for their “parents” to collect money from the state (a.k.a. tax paying suckers). These “parents” are NOT productive, thoughtful, and responsible people. They think about what society owes them, not what they owe society. The rest of us are all told to “mind our own business”, not judge, and not be critical.

    Yet we have people who have no trouble digging into our pockets for our hard earned monies. Where did that thought process come from? It’s because the children are pawns. It’s just as immoral to steal from us to fund the reckless behavior of others. We shouldn’t be robbed (like ants) just to pay the bills for the greedy, lazy and stupid (grasshoppers).

    As far as I’m concerned, we owe the irresponsible and their offspring not one red cent. The problem is that people are financially rewarded by us taxpayers for their irresponsible behavior. That simply needs to end. I wouldn’t lock anyone up in jail, sterilize them or anything like that. They need to be told from kindergarten to grade 12 that the social welfare net is coming to an end – here’s free birth control and medical / mental health clinics you must visit. Every year it needs to be repeated without fail. And gradually the cutbacks need to occur. And gradually folks need to be phased out of the “entitlement” mindset.

    The taxpayers and the gov’t created this mess, but we cannot afford it anymore. It’s time to cut the spigot off. Gradually. People may be generally stupid, but they’re cunning enough to realize that they cannot get money from a stone.

    Because one way or another, this kind of thing is coming to an end, and it’s either going to be a soft or really hard landing.

  61. necy
    May 24th, 2012 @ 7:42 PM

    I was thinking of the Trayvon case, and how huge the story is, but when was the last time black people have taken to the streets when a black girl/woman has been hurt or killed. I think it’s because most of the crimes committed towards black girls/women are by black men. I’m tired of hearing about Trayvon in the media when there are no stories about black girls/women at all. It’s only when the perpetrator is white. This shows that black girls/women are not valued.

    GoldenAh: That case is such a hot media mess. I don’t have a TV, so I can only catch watch online, and I do everything I can to avoid knowing about it. I wish the media wouldn’t chase a story just to stoke racial tensions. It’s so wrong.

  62. necy
    May 24th, 2012 @ 8:14 PM

    I have a friend who I’ve known since grade school. The type of guys she would date or have as boyfriends – they weren’t doing anything with their lives. The man she had her 1st child with gave her two stds and were never married. She now has been living with new boyfriend for 5 years in auntie’s house, with no marriage proposal in sight. She said he might propose, and that she would say yes. He just quit his job, and is suppossedly going back to school. Both are in their early 30′s. Her sister has 3 kids with a man who just got out of jail and has been physically abusive.

    Both girls are attractive and could have been with quality men with steady jobs, but kept choosing dbr black men. I tried to give them general advice about vetting and finding quality men, but I don’t worry about them anymore because some people can not be saved from themselves.

    GoldenAh: That’s terrible. You really are better off putting some space between yourself and your friends. Their misery will eventually drain your spirit and energy.

  63. Formavitae
    May 24th, 2012 @ 9:10 PM

    Here’s something I recently read:

    “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…”

    Don’t give up, ladies.

    GoldenAh: Perfect advice. All we can do is persevere and with gusto. Now, all I need is some energy. :D

  64. Andrea
    May 26th, 2012 @ 10:25 PM

    “I’m tired of hearing about Trayvon in the media when there are no stories about black girls/women at all. It’s only when the perpetrator is white. This shows that black girls/women are not valued.”
    ~necy

    No. This shows that most Black men do not value other Black people period. If Trayvon Martin had been killed by a Black guy, under the same circumstances, they would not care and would have made up petty excuses as to why other BP should not care either. The usual excuses I hear are: it MUST HAVE BEEN drug related, the victim probably did something to deserve it — despite being completely unarmed, etcetera and so forth. Any excuse will do, as long as BM are not made to look bad, nor punished for the crimes they commit within the so-called “Black Community”.

    Black men seem too stupid to recognize that when a group of men publicize (through actions and words) the fact that they care nothing for their own ethnic group — especially the most vulnerable members of their group (women and children), they endanger their entire ethnic group. That is why every other group of men protects the women and children of their group from within and without. AA Black men have NEVER done this and likely never will. Even during the Civil Rights struggle they hid, like cowards, behind Black women’s skirts; BM allowed many atrocities to happen to BW when they could have easily prevented it . And now they want to pretend to the whole world that they (BM) did most of the work and were the only ones who bled to gain our civil rights, when that is not even almost the case!

    And, btw, they wanted civil rights for BM only. And many resent, to this day, that BW can also vote. That’s why there are so many BM YouTube tantrums about feminism; they love to blame it for their failed relationships with BW and even for BW “rejecting good BM”. Of course, they never blame the widespread disrespect, harassment, rape and (when in a relationship) betrayal and abuse by BM, just feminism. SMH.

    Frankly, I think it’s counterproductive to worry about what BM care about, since they are doomed. And any woman, regardless of ethnicity, who attaches herself to the average BM romantically is pretty much doomed as well, especially if she gives birth to his child.

    I know more than a few White women in my city who are now very “bitter” (BM LOVE to apply that word to BW who don’t want them) about having “lowered themselves” to be with a BM, and their children are now paying the price for mommy dearest’s poor judgment and their father’s refusal to man-up.

  65. Formavitae
    May 27th, 2012 @ 1:30 AM

    Here’s a joke I just read online, re a famous black man and his child support issues:

    Q. What Can A Large Pepperoni Pizza Do That A Black Man Cannot Do??

    A. Feed A Family Of Four.

    GoldenAh: That was cold, but rather delicious. :D

  66. Formavitae
    May 27th, 2012 @ 1:34 AM

    @Andrea

    “Frankly, I think it’s counterproductive to worry about what BM care about, since they are doomed. And any woman, regardless of ethnicity, who attaches herself to the average BM romantically is pretty much doomed as well, especially if she gives birth to his child. ”

    ITA.

  67. nadia
    May 27th, 2012 @ 10:05 AM

    I am a religious person, but I do not judge people who are not. I was thinking about the black church, and how when you go there the women always outnumber the men. If there are any men there, they’re already married, compared to the time when I was invited to go to the ‘white’ church it was nothing but families and couples. The women are always donating money and the church never discusses why there are hardly any men in the church.

    And growing up and watching TD Jakes he always gives vague sermons for almost everything. If you just lost your job, “pray and God will send a sign of what to do next.” Not “let’s pray and my staff will direct you to an employment agency after the service is over.”

    Also how the black church never adresses important issues in their own community, like obesity, unemployment, children out of wedlock, gang violence, responsible sex, violence against women, how popular black media is damaging to black people. I have never heard TD Jakes or other black pastors speak of these issues.

    And they also don’t speak of some of the black pastors who are in it for the money or involved in abuse themselves(Eddie Long/Creflo Dollar).

    GoldenAh: I don’t know if I could classify myself as religious. I do believe in God or something divine holding it all together. I do believe in the power of our thoughts: that kind of special energy we have to be careful how we harness and use. I don’t expect black churches to have or offer any useful solutions to the “black community’s” problems.

    You list all of the chronic, nearly intractable, problems that black people have, which other groups do as well, but for our folks it’s like an incurable disease. Other groups seem to get their immunization shots and never get sickened to the degree that black people do. Even Native Americans in some areas are rising out of their collective misery, and they’re coming from a place further down the line.

    Honestly, I feel that the problems black people have are willfully induced. There’s nothing anyone in this country can claim to be doing out of true ignorance. There are too many social, governmental, sources on the Internet, public libraries, and non-profit organizations that say – this is the path to doing it right (and we can help you).

    The self-destruction going on is because people want to be effed up. It’s boring to be predictable and disciplined over a lifetime: to wake up at the same time daily, eat regularly and in moderation, follow the rules, stay out of trouble (jail), finish HS, go to college, then seek work, etc. There’s more excitement in cutting class and following the path of self-destructive mischief and criminal behavior.

    The purpose of religious institutions was to control people. The positive about it was that it forced people to master and exercise self-control, which they sorely need. The general philosophy is now: If it feels good, then do it. Doesn’t matter if it’s wrong, that doesn’t matter anymore. People have decided that the deadly sins are exciting and they must experience each and every one of them to feel “hip”, “cool” and interesting.

    So, unless a culture of discipline, thrift, modesty, sincerity, and self-control becomes a core of popular black thought or mindset, I’d say it’s all a lost cause. :D

  68. nadia
    May 27th, 2012 @ 10:39 AM

    I was reviewing Sojourners Passport website, and I liked the articles about fleeing Blackistan and black women not getting involved in the helping professions. Like social work. I was reading horror stories about social work, of women trying to help the inner city youth, but the kids were already damaged from parental neglect, and the teen girls getting pregnant, and parents coming to campus to fight with teachers.

    Black women should be involved in more lucrative jobs that will surround them with diverse types of men like broadcasting, business upstart, real estate, etc. What do you think are good professions for black women that are not helping professions, and that would get them around a more diverse group of men and people in general?

    I am in my early 30′s, have a BA in Communications and was considering going back to school, but because of my ADD and learning disability, I think a career that has on the job training would be my best route. Right now I work for the school district with teachers. I like talking to people, and would one day like to have my own show pertaining to mainly black women and other women too where you can disuss topical issues, but for now I’m just looking for a career where I can work my way up in the company. What do you think?

    GoldenAh: I have a BA in English and an MS in Computer Science. Regardless of what you study, it’s good to switch it up every few years, no one can take anything for granted these days. Even getting a certificate wouldn’t hurt – you don’t need another degree.

    I think we are going to have a future where America will continue to exploit our own natural energy resources: fracking and other inventive ways to get oil and natural gas out of the ground. These are jobs that cannot be outsourced and even now there is a big demand for workers in these areas.

    There will still be a big demand for people in the medical profession, whether it’s seen as helping is up to you. I can’t take hospitals, if I could I’d probably look into that field. I’d rather do medical research, but I get grossed out too easily. :D

    You’ll find something as long as you have a passion for it and can make best use of your skills. If you are good with people that’s fantastic. You have greater possibilities to choose from. I’m someone who’s happy working without much interference, not talking to people too much, yet interacting with her co-workers occasionally.

    If you can see, get a career counselor who could guide you, they will give you tests to find your aptitudes, as well as discuss future possibilities.

    Hope that helped some….

  69. nadia
    May 27th, 2012 @ 10:47 AM

    What do you think of the black people on welfare in the inner cities who use the program to work as little as possible and have multiple children? I think welfare programs need to be rectified so that everyone across the board has to put in some type of work or manual labor before receiving a check and this would cut out somewhat the number of kids people have, including government housing, because there are people that take advantage of the welfare programs.

    GoldenAh: Unless there are jobs available, I don’t see conditions changing. It’s become a vicious cycle. And our politicians love illegal aliens more than they respect American born or raised citizens. Their priorities seem to be to invite more competition against the less educated Americans than to help them move up the economic ladder.

    There used to be high quality vocational programs in schools, which are needed. Not everyone has to attend college. If the quality of JR and High Schools were better, that would be as good as going to college. I don’t think there will be any progress for people in the inner cities until the entire school system is reformed.

  70. nadia
    May 27th, 2012 @ 11:09 AM

    What do you think of today’s black women singers: Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Beyonce? Are they overcompensating and relying on sexual themes to be famous? They’re good for Vegas, with the flashy clothes and commercial jingle songs. Some of their songs are okay, but most of the time they have to put sexual themes in there just to be relevant. I listen to old school R&B, Jazz, zumba music.

    GoldenAh: Since they are entertainers, I don’t pay them any mind. I wasn’t even aware I was listening to Minaj on the radio – I thought it was a white girl. She sounded like Brittney Spears or one of those people from back then.

    Their job is to entertain; outside of that they can be easily ignored, I don’t take any of them seriously at all.

    I only watch TV programs online, so I miss what’s constantly being put on “live” TV.

    Yes, old school is definitely better. I still listen to Barry White. I think my R&B cutoff point (last purchase) is at Maxwell, D’Angelo and Angela Stone.

  71. Formavitae
    May 27th, 2012 @ 11:27 AM

    @ nadia

    I, too, have noticed the failure of the black church to truly address the lifestyle issues that plague the BC. And, I also have noticed how white churches are filled with married families and couples, and the men in those churches do the majority of the work, not the women. And, from my work experience, I’ve noticed how many white/Asian young adults in their mid-twenties or so are already married or are in serious relationships which are likely to lead to marriage. AA women and girls are HIGHLY disadvantaged in that respect. We rarely are around men who are worthy of marriage, EVEN WHEN WE ARE 45! (I’m not there yet–just saying.)

    I also agree with Khadija’s perspective on the need for BW to focus on other professional arenas. We always want to “help”. I know. I think the same way, too. However, I’ve always wanted to find a way to “help” and make money (read “build wealth”) at the same time.

    I had a high quality relationship with a guy I met on the 3rd/4th floor of the engineering library at my university. I was pursuing a Masters degree in a field that was in the School of Architecture/College of Engineering, and he was completing his Masters in Engineering. Now, I LOVED to study on the 3rd/4th floor of that library, because it was so quiet and sparsely inhabited during the early hours of the morning. Now, when we first met, it was close to the midnight hour, during finals week, and the library was PACKED. So, he asked if he could sit at my table. I agreed. I later decided to get a snack and asked him if he would like me to bring him something back. He said he would walk with me. So, we had a nice conversation. I saw him again at the bus stop at the end of the following quarter. He asked for my phone number, and things progressed from there. I wasn’t expecting anything, but he turned out to be a very positive person in my life. He later told me that he was impressed with how professional I looked and with the fact that I was studying on the 3rd/4th floor of the Engineering library, as there are rarely in AAs in that library at all. SOOO…I typed all of that to say, if you have an interest, aim for fields related to science and mathematics. You will meet lots of hard-working, exceptional people. AND, you will stand out, because AAs are rarely pursuing those fields. But, only do it if your heart is truly in it. I would personally stay away from social work, because it can cause a lot of personal stress in your own life. I’ve seen a friend get burned out and totally leave the field because she couldn’t take it. Furthermore, you don’t get paid enough for the hassle.

    I am currently working in the healthcare field, and I have plans to advance in the future. I come into contact with many intelligent people, on my job, at various levels. I say, pursue what you care about. But, make sure you will be in the company of the most intelligent/accomplished members, make a great impression, and you should have access to good opportunities professionally and otherwise.

    GoldenAh: Formavitae, girl, you are awesome. I love reading about women who pursue math and science. Props to you. :)

    I was always behind in math, but that didn’t stop me from getting a Masters in Comp Sci.

    Ladies, don’t be afraid of these fields, like Formavitae says, this is where the exceptional guys are – and they love to help with studying. :)

  72. nadia
    May 27th, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

    Formavitae

    Thank you for the advice.I will take what you said into consideration.

  73. Trish
    May 27th, 2012 @ 11:58 PM

    What’s up with black men who date non black women and the relationships still not working out? Kobe Bryant, OJ, Deon Sanders, Tiger Woods, Terrence Howard, Michael Jordan’s ex wife.

    And what’s up with black men who are supposedly family men, but made their money in nefarious ways: Jayz now that he has a daughter has renounced the word ‘bitch’ but still hasn’t renounced rap, snoop dog used to host porn videos but won’t renounce rap, will smith pushing his kids career at an early age, Nelly going to Spellman College and asking for help with his ill sister, but not renouncing rap?

  74. Andrea
    May 28th, 2012 @ 11:08 AM

    “What do you think of today’s black women singers: Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Beyonce? Are they overcompensating and relying on sexual themes to be famous? They’re good for Vegas, with the flashy clothes and commercial jingle songs. Some of their songs are okay, but most of the time they have to put sexual themes in there just to be relevant.”
    ~nadia

    In my opinion, they are no different than Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and the rest. They are mediocre to above average singers who know that without taking off their clothes or doing something outrageous (wearing meat), they would have a much smaller fan base and, therefore, make much less money.

    I remember seeing an interview many years ago, it was about Jerry Lee Lewis. He was describing the moment when he knew that he would be famous. He and his band were performing in a broken down red-neck bar and the crowd was very rowdy, but when they began playing a song he wrote, the crowd paid rapt attention and loved them.

    Last year a fashion designer interviewed Lady Gaga and she told a very similar story, only the crowd ignored her (and her singing) until she took off her clothes. Lol. That pretty much says it all for how much real talent she has.

    Today, there are very few singers with truly exceptional voices. I can count them on one hand. The rest NEED partial nudity and other gimmicks to sell CDs and tickets, but at least they are smart enough to know it.

    GoldenAh: Great points, Andrea!

  75. Andrea
    May 28th, 2012 @ 11:16 AM

    @Trish

    Those people will NEVER renounce rap, because they don’t want the ABCs to get upset with them and start protesting against them. And you know they would, even though they are too stupid to protest against anything that truly threatens their well-being and the well-being of AA as a whole, like rap music.

    “What’s up with black men who date non black women and the relationships still not working out? Kobe Bryant, OJ, Deon Sanders, Tiger Woods, Terrence Howard, Michael Jordan’s ex wife.”
    ~Trish

    No matter who you date, you are who you are. Whatever internal issues may stand in the way of a healthy relationship are going to be there no matter who you date/marry. As the Buddhists say, “Wherever you go, there you are”.

  76. necy
    May 28th, 2012 @ 1:04 PM

    I mentioned this movie earlier, ‘Once were Warriors’, but I had to bring up a scene where this was a domestic violence incident between the couple. When the husband was physically abusing his wife when there was a party at their house. Instead of their friends helping them, they proceeded to leave as the husband continue to abuse his wife. If these people were supposedly friends, they would’ve helped the abused wife instead of walking away. I though this incident in the movie was funny and sad becuase if someone is your friend they will help you, and not walk away when you need help.

    This mirrors Ike & Tina. No One came to Tina’s defense when she was being abused. This mirrors the no snitching rule in the black community.

    Another black women mentioned that bm would be angry to see her with wm, but didn’t have anything to say when was single or in a dbr relationship.

  77. cici
    May 28th, 2012 @ 1:12 PM

    I Loved the movie ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ 2011, but does anyone else think the themes in the movie are similiar to the civil rights movement that started in the 1950′s?

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/81/Rise_of_the_Planet_of_the_Apes_Poster.jpg

    GoldenAh: Wow. Great catch, Cici. I never saw that poster before.

    I haven’t seen this film yet. There are about a dozen I want to see, before I forget. I’m still angling to grab enough time to watch Inception.

    That stance was made popular by two Olympians down in Mexico City: Black Power salute at the 1968 Olympics. The difference I see in the posters is that the black men show a distinct blend of humility, poise and defiance. Rather classy in my eyes. The anger is there, but rather subdued.

    Black people had so much focus back then, what happened?

    Thanks for the link, Cici. :)

  78. Andrea
    May 28th, 2012 @ 7:34 PM

    “Because one way or another, this kind of thing is coming to an end, and it’s either going to be a soft or really hard landing.”
    ~GoldenAh

    I think it’s going to be a very HARD landing, because there are people who believe that if they vote democrat enough times, they and their relations will be able to hang on to their welfare benefits forever. They don’t seem to care that this kind of entitlement program is bleeding the system dry, and endangering the actual welfare of those who truly need the help — the handicapped and the elderly.

    All it takes is one administration that truly wants welfare to end, and enough news stories about people abusing the “system”, and it will be over relatively abruptly.

    However, if the “system” starts taking a stand on preventing pregnancy now, one way or another (doesn’t have to be sterilization), it could actually turn things around. Welfare could turn back into what it was actually meant to be: a safety net. Not a lifestyle for the lazy.

    Frankly, I doubt certain “conservative” elements in our government would support the use of birth control in any capacity. It would stand in the way of their long-term goal to make birth control of all kinds illegal in the US. And it’s not just Catholics like Rick Santorum. I have relatives who believe in this “birth control is a threat to society” non-sense. I’m sure you, and others who visit your blog, have come across Black folks who think this way.

    BTW, I like your idea about educating kids from kindergarten to understand that they will not be able to depend on welfare, even if their parents currently do. It may even motivate trifling parents to encourage their children’s education, if only because they will someday need to freeload off of them, since the government will soon be out of the picture.

    GoldenAh: I’m all for the total reform and overhaul of the school system or this country isn’t going to last. The next generation is needed as educated, productive, moral, and ambitious people to keep our standard(s) of living high, otherwise, this country will swirl down the drain.

    Great points about birth control, I see what you are saying.

  79. Formavitae
    May 28th, 2012 @ 7:53 PM

    @ nadia

    I wish THE BEST, on whatever pathway you choose.

  80. Andrea
    May 28th, 2012 @ 8:03 PM

    “Another black women mentioned that bm would be angry to see her with wm, but didn’t have anything to say when was single or in a dbr relationship.”
    ~necy

    Yeah, this is typical. Most BM would rather see a BW — whether they know her or not — alone and miserable or with a BM and miserable, than with a man who is not Black. And it’s not just WM they don’t want to see us with. It’s anybody not AA defined Black, this sometimes includes light skinned BM and 100% Africans.

    These morons would even prefer that we dated each other. I’ve actually had a BM suggest that I date BW if I could not find a BM who could measure up! SMH. Talk about insecurity issues. Men like that are a waste of your time and energy.

    Who cares if BM are angry that you are happy with a WM? These mean mugging losers are usually the guys who want to bitch and cry when a WM expresses his dislike of BM dating WW. What is the difference between the two men? NOTHING at all. That’s why I don’t feel sorry for them.

  81. nadia
    May 28th, 2012 @ 9:52 PM

    I wanted to clarify that when I make a comment about bc, I am referring to it as ‘us vs them’, because there are some people in bc that are moving away from bc and their mindset, and their are others that have been brainwashed and will never leave. So I am only referring to the black people that behave and act in a way that is damaging to all black people, but is not representative of all balck people.

  82. cici
    May 28th, 2012 @ 10:52 PM

    When I said that the film ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ directly mirrored themes of the civil rights movement, I meant the film took specific themes from civil rights and put it in the movie. There are various articles pointing this out.

    Actually I have to backtrack and mention that the original ‘Apes’ films from the 60′s and the one in 2001 more directly mirrored the themes of revolution, equality, and racism more than the remake of 2011.

    Even though some of themes that the movie referenced are not of the fault of white people anymore. Within the past few decades, it’s more of some black people that like to play victim or refuse to do better for themselves in their life and will blame others, or do things that are damaging to bp and bc, eventually destroying their own community. That part has nothing to do with white people.

    Also similar is when I took a black film course in college, and someone said that professor x was similar to martin luther k – Magneto was similar to Malcom X and that the overall theme of the x men was mutants fighting for equality the way that black people fight for equality. There was even a point when Magneto quotes Malcom X – “By any means necessary.” Also,specifically referencing one of the x men films where there was a drug that could be taken where you didn’t have to be a mutant anymore, you could become a normal person, which mirrors the racial divide of black vs white.

  83. cici
    May 28th, 2012 @ 10:54 PM
  84. nadia
    May 28th, 2012 @ 11:03 PM

    Thank you, Formavitae.

  85. Formavitae
    May 28th, 2012 @ 11:49 PM

    @ nadia

    You’re welcome.

  86. Trish
    May 29th, 2012 @ 12:01 AM

    I have two brothers from my father’s first marriage. Both have four kids between them. The older one is in the army and is raising his kids responsibly. The younger brother is not taking care of his kids and has moved in with white girl and has a child with her, while gilfriend from high school is raising four kids alone probably on welfare, and has directly taken herself out of the game of finding a quality husband, because most men don’t want a woman with multiple children or children that are not their own.

    When younger brother was in high school, he and girlfriend were specifically told by grandma not to have kids immediately, to finish school and find a job. Fast forward a few years and he and girlfriend have four kids and she is always angry with him about not helping to raise the kids.

    Whenever I would pick two of the kids up for a week, the other two were hyper from being cooped up in apartment. The two that I would pick up did not have the most basic of necessities – deodorant, tooth paste. My aunt would buy them school clothes.

    I am not saying this to be cruel, but even with my own family…I am not the one. I am not the one who is going to constantly buy my neice and nephews things that their own parents should be providing for them. If I did that I would be broke myself. They were the ones who decided to have multiple children. It is their job to provide for them. If they did not have the resources or responsibility to take care of their own children they should not have had them in the first place. This does not mean that I don’t care about my niece/nephews.

    I think the parents should find another family member who might better provide for them so they do not end up another statistic in bc. I am not going to put my life on hold and go broke paying for or raising someone else’s kids becuase they’re too lazy to do it themselves whether or not it’s someone from my family.

    If I ever win the lottery, I would set aside (tuition) money for the part of my family that wants to go to school or learn a trade, but I am not the one that regardless of how much money I have – am not going to hand over hard earned money for people to spend on whatever who can get a job and raise their kids themselves.

    p.s The friend and her sister I’ve known since grade school who have relations and children with dbr black men are now trying to get me to babysit for free. And I say free because I know they don’t have the money to pay me, and I wouldn’t ask them to, but I am not the one. I am not going to fall into the trap of letting bc leech off of me. I wish them the best though.

    GoldenAh: You are very nice. I don’t think I’ve ever babysat a kid before. I’ve been there when my friend(s) did it, but I just watched. I’ve done tutoring, for which I was paid, but I’ve never had someone in my family try to put their children in my arms. The reason is that I’ve never been the maternal type. I don’t coo at kids. Not sure why. I like some of them, but I’ve never been that interested in children.

    I can understand that you feel sorry for nephews / nieces, yet you are aware that they are not your responsibility. I would say that no matter what you do for those children, they will still look at their mother / father as far superior to you regardless of how much they are neglected by them. You could spend every last nickle or moment of your time, but it really wont make much of a difference.

    You can let go and not feel guilty. Treating the kids on occasion doesn’t hurt, but don’t do it so often that the “parents” sense you are gullible.

    Take care.

  87. Trish
    May 29th, 2012 @ 2:04 AM

    There is a non profit program called the Harlem Children’s Zone in New York that is specifically aimed at children of poor families. The program was started by Geoffrey Candada who appeared on Oprah. Basically the program is designed for kids to have free schooling from grade school to college providing they keep their grades up.

    This type of program should be enforced everywhere for black children, and for the children of dbr couples. The rest of society who show signs of being dbr or who are living in poverty should be sterilized (including other races of people who are dbr or living in poverty) so that there are no more children born to dbr couples who refuse or who would not able to provide for there children.

    My views may seem harsh, but if dbr people are going to continue to reproduce children who will most likely end up being dbr themselves, we will have dbr and mentally unstable people running around in society, which we already have now, it’s just more concentrated in the inner cities.

    I said likely, because when children are born of course they are not dbr. It is the environment that their parents allow them to grow up in, who are usually too selfish to look at their surroundings and think, “The environment that I’m living in right now would not be safe for a child to grow up in, and eventually become a responsible citizen in society. I will wait until I’m living in a safer environment, where I would be able to raise my child safely.”

    Obviously one can not forsee the future, but if people used a little common sense, there would not be children growing up in poverty or children who grow up to be violent gangbangers. etc

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlem_Children's_Zone

  88. laci
    May 29th, 2012 @ 4:22 AM

    The reason why black women can live without the support of black men is because usually the woman has more education and aspires to do more in life. Even if the bm she chooses are equal in terms of education and career, most bm will use bw for the resources they have.

    If all bw left bm alone, and the bm chose other races of women, they would have to compete with other men who have an education and a career. This is secretly why bm are always saying derogatory things to bw, degrading them telling them other men don’t want you so that bw will stay and support them, and so that bm don’t have to compete with other men for women they are interested in.

    But with bw he doesn’t have to do this. This is why bm like to keep bw in their place so that they don’t have to do anything in the relationship or at least compete with her in terms of having a job or career at the same level she is in.

    When bm date non bw, they know they have to bring something to the table besides their ‘swagger’, or the non bw would not give them the time of day. This is why they like to keep bw on the back burner, because some bw will put up with anything or never ask him to help out, for fear of him leaving.

    When a bm complains of bw using their degrees to make him feel like she thinks she is better than him, this a gaslighting technique that is used because he himself doesn’t want to go to school or get the type of job that is equally yoked with the woman that he is with.

  89. Oshun
    May 29th, 2012 @ 6:22 AM

    @ Andrea

    “These morons would even prefer that we dated each other. I’ve actually had a BM suggest that I date BW if I could not find a BM who could measure up! ”

    I am very liberal re: sexuality.

    It is insane for someone to suggest that you go against your nature as a hetero woman… I have no words.

  90. MsMellody
    May 29th, 2012 @ 7:29 AM

    Well hello to all!!

    Gosh, these last few days of comments and ideas have been quite refreshing and invigorating. I am sure Goldenah has been having a wonderful and eye opening time of reading these wonderful comments.

    These next few comments are especially for Trish.

    @Trish,

    Hi young lady and my hat is off to you in a sincere sense of applause!!!

    First of all you have so keenly pointed to some of the most accurate descriptions and understandings of how this all works.

    Yes and yes and yes again to your understanding of the okey-dokes ( the bc wanting you to give of your TIME and MONEY to those who have been quite and repeatedly irresponsible )

    Your take on the dbr (unfortunately you have had to take the time to call out your younger brother for his behavior ) in your own family.
    Please understand I am sure that that was painful for you to realize that someone who shares your phenotype is just that – dbr.
    But it is best to be clear to yourself so as to avoid any and all unneccessary draining of your resources.

    I smiled to my self as I read your loving response of how you would indeed set aside monies for your nieces and nephews.. and other family –but only if they PROVE to you that they WANT to go to school, get a trade and better their lives.

    I hope another young woman reading your comment understands this.

    Because this is how that spinster woman at your local church who EVERYBODY has used down to the nub– the woman who cooks and feeds everybody in the neighborhood..who never married/or married but Buster ran on off years ago..and she just gives and gives and gives and drives the church bus spending her own social security checks to fill the bus with gas..wears that apron till it’s about to fall apart..never married again..not even a prospect..but just gives and gives like an ole well…everybody dipping and pulling from her.

    That is an ugly site and I am just so sure no other young woman wants to fall into this trap.

    Good job Trish pointing out those okey-dokes and the pitfall of being that ” mammy well”.

    And we all know how that story ends…she takes in yet another dbr nephew/neighbor/church member’s son…because he needed a place to live when he got out on this most recent parole…then the 5 o’clock news team van is in front of the house with the lead story “Neighborhood do-gooder bludgeoned by parolee”.

  91. MsMellody
    May 29th, 2012 @ 8:15 AM

    @ Trish

    Also I wanted to add this;

    Thank you Trish for what you said about the young lady who had the children with your younger brother ;

    ” while gilfriend from high school is raising four kids alone probably on welfare, and has directly taken herself out of the game of finding a quality husband, because most men don’t want a woman with multiple children or children that are not their own.”

    The “taken herself out of the game” statement just rang all kinds of bells for me.

    This statement right here is what i want other young ladies to really take time to think about.

    Yes..we all know that there are indeed some young women who do get married to men when they themselves have children. And yes, we all have seen it.

    BUT!!! When you dont HAVE TO do that to yourself as a woman, DON”T. Meaning–the overwhelming MAJORITY of quality loving loveable men to pull from PREFER to mingle, date and marry from the pool of women that DO NOT have children before marriage.

    Plain and simple..it makes your life free-er ( if that is a word?lol) more easy, more mobile..when you mingle and date.

    I for one cannot imagine being 20 plus and having to juggle kids/childcare/working out keeping my figure on point..and career, and mingling and dating.

    Something would have to give..and I know that my children would be precedent and I would MISS OUT on the opportunity to mingle with the tech start up gurus/bankers/inventors/young entreprenuers..etc.

    I mean, how could I wrangle a vacation invite to Scottsdale,Az to meet up with one of girlfriends who is dating some Cub team backfield manager who wants to fix me up with his cousin if I have to stay home during the summer to care for my 3 year old…this is just a long drawn out example of how taking yourself out of the “game” could have long reaching dire consequences.

  92. MsMellody
    May 29th, 2012 @ 8:44 AM

    I have always wanted to share this story with you all here at Betty’s site.

    I read this article and really loved it. The writer is a man, but his take on what it’s like to not have money and then to have money is spot on!!

    I really loved how in this article he pointedly refers to how it’s like to live amongst other poor people. He gets to the point in a way that I think that is refreshing.

    Also, I thought about this article when I read about those 2 baby making machines of recent report. The woman from last summer who had 15 ( fifteen ) kids and in the video news report she is sitting in a hotel with alll these little brown kids running around, in t-shirts dirty faces full diapers and a few teenagers of hers looking lost bewildered and hungry. I can still recall her looking into the camera and saying ..”SOMEBODY has got to do something about this..” ::crickets:: I damn near passed out at the absurdity of this statement.

    ANd lo and behold this baby maker is back in the news..tazed by a policeman while —wait for it—wait for it— pregnant with number 16 (sixteen).

    And then the other baby maker with 30 (thirty) kids…11 different women..one woman getting as little as $1.49 for child support. ::passed out::

    I think about that line in this article where the writer talks candidly about the sights and sounds of living amongst poor people. The loud arguments, the trash, the unruly kids..the crime.

    I want to be the first to say that statistically that that little area of Tennessee where that man has propogated 30 offsprings will see a definitive rise in crime in about 10 (ten) short years.

    I guaruntee you all that the statistical probability of the male children without the guidance of their father in their lives will be ANGRY preteens, who will have little job prospects and will be resentful at their mothers for even bringing them into this kind of poverty..they will then act out and –you guessed it —get other young ladies in the area pregnant ( god forbid their own half sisters–hey it’s a statistical possibility in that small town 0_o ) leading to MORE out of wedlock births that will spawn in another short 10-15 years MORE crime/lack of employability/dysfunction etc.

    But I digressed a little….sorry about that, but we all know what the statistical outcomes will be. And yes, there will indeed be a few shining stars examples, some of those kids will get with their extended families and become model citizens contributing to their half brothers and sisters well being..but those numbers of positives will be outweighted statistically by the negatives. Sad but true.

    ANd just to think…all of this could have been avoided. Condoms, birth control pills, saying no..having something better to do like studying for their GED’s, going to the community college located not too far from the large state university in that town
    . I could go on and on with positive alternatives .

    Here is the article.
    http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-money-can-buy-happiness/

    GoldenAh: What’s missing is that when people had children, back in the old days, they really didn’t have proper and effective birth control. There is no excuse now. None at all. Today, the problem is that there is no thinking or feeling of accountability of responsibility from those who have all these children. Their mindset is that the “rest of us” will provide for them. I cannot say they are at fault, this is what their children are learning.

    So, that’s why I say that starting from kindergarten the mantra has to be that the welfare state is ending, people must be REPRODUCTIVELY responsible and learn to provide a decent living wage for their families and themselves. Because that message isn’t coming from the “parents” of these children.

    Somewhere the cycle has to be broken. I’d rather it get told to the next generation, since propaganda does works. They’ve just been getting the wrong message all these years.

    And the gov’t plays a big role in effing up poor people’s lives in this country. They have been making it worse for everybody. Nothing is improving.

  93. MsMellody
    May 29th, 2012 @ 9:07 AM

    Needed to add this to the conversation- the future!!

    The future you all is going to be amazing…soon maybe even in some of our lifetimes we will see commercial space travel/adventures.

    I want to posit this to the conversation – the cultures and societies that are going to advance are those that stay physically fit/mentally fit/financially fit etc.

    These cultures/societies are going to be at the forefront of future advances. THose that are beginning to develop right before our eyes…the internet ( from the ’90′s it became more accessible) medicines, aids developments/management, and hopefully soon diabete’s cure..but for now what we have is space travel.

    In the last few months wealthy billionaire inventors have brought that possibility to the forefront.

    I posit this – soon and very soon there is going to be an outpost of human beings who will venture to a planet to investigate the eventual move of many people to a “clean slate” so to speak.

    I wonder who the majority of those people will be? Any guesses?

    http://www.flightglobal.com/news/articles/spacex-launch-heralds-a-new-beginning-for-commercial-spaceflight-372391/

    GoldenAh: I love this. I get really excited about ideas that speak to the future and exploring the solar system. I hope it’s an endeavor that all countries with something to share can work together on.

    There are so many possibilities. And I believe this is a future that will create more jobs and opportunities. We have too many “intellectuals” in the public domain who disdain these things, but we need leaders who don’t believe in human limitation. We need positive people to get us out of this world wide slump.

  94. Trish
    May 29th, 2012 @ 10:02 AM

    Forgot to add about younger brother with four kids that he abandoned to his babies’ mother. I didn’t mean to say they didnt have deoadorant or toothpaste – I meant they hadn’t brushed their teeth, were not wearing deodorant, and had not showered. The neice was squinting because she needed glasses.

    The single mother had not been providing the most basic of necesseties for them. Or maybe she did this on purpose the day I showed up, so I would buy them these things so she wouldn’t have to.

    This is why black women need to vet – why some women (all women who show signs of being dbr or who are living in poverty) need to be sterilized because some of them can not or refuse to provide for their children, and try to sucker family or friends to do it, or try to get a handout from the government.

    There should be a program put in place where the parents have to put in some type of work before collecting a check for each child. This would cut back somewhat on the number of children people decide to have if they knew they had to work before receiving a check for each child.

  95. Trish
    May 29th, 2012 @ 10:35 AM

    MsMellody,
    Thank you for your repsonse and words of encouragement. It is great to hear positive response and words of encouragment from other posters.’

    I saw the two articles that spoke of the ratchet dbr parents on the ratchet site ‘Bossip’ and was apalled that they refused to stop having kids and were trying to get a handout from the government or that a family member had not forced them to be sterilized in exchange for helping to provide for the kids that were already here.

    Mother with 15 kids
    http://bossip.com/587475/the-problem-in-the-black-community-man-with-30-kids-begs-the-courts-to-help-him-with-his-child-support-i-cant-afford-them-all-video6969/

    Dad with 30 kids
    http://bossip.com/583527/mother-of-15-pregnant-with-her-16th-child-tells-tale-of-being-tased-by-one-time-at-her-hotel-with-all-of-her-kids-video69691/

  96. persia
    May 29th, 2012 @ 11:18 AM

    Love the site ‘Cracked’ with its funny and bizarre articles. Everyone check it out!

  97. Formavitae
    May 29th, 2012 @ 12:24 PM

    It makes me sad to admit this. But, when I was growing up, I wished I’d had an older brother (I’m an only child). Now, I’m THANKFUL I never had a brother, because I fear he would have been a typical DBR, and he would be making my parents’ lives and mine a living hell. Furthermore, I don’t have any brothers always trying to hit me up for a “coupla’ dollas”.

    GoldenAh: Older brothers are okay. Some are selfish creatures, others will be generous and protective. (Speaking from experience with 2 older brothers.)

  98. Formavitae
    May 29th, 2012 @ 12:31 PM

    @ Trish

    “I am not saying this to be cruel, but even with my own family…I am not the one.”

    I laughed when I read this. All I have to say is, “Yep!”

  99. Oshun
    May 29th, 2012 @ 1:26 PM

    And the attacks on BW are getting stronger. I am not advocating abortions are the thing to do…, but I am accustomed to having safe choices for myself and other women.

    PRENDA Would Require Providers to Racially Profile Patients or face penalties of up to five years in prison…..

    As Sec. 2 (F) of the legislation states, PRENDA’s sex selection ban is targeted at certain “segments of the United States population, primarily those segments tracing their ethnic and cultural origins to countries where sex-selection abortion is evident.”…..

    PRENDA authors presume that the disproportionate number of abortions among Black women is the result of something other than higher rates of unintended pregnancy.[3] Instead, the bill presumes that women choose to terminate pregnancies based on the race of the fetus, the race of the men that impregnated them, or a woman’s own perception that her race is “undesired.”…..

    Folks stay up in the BWs womb don’t they???

    GoldenAh: The focus is wrong. These politicians are such morons.

  100. Oshun
    May 29th, 2012 @ 1:29 PM

    @Trish
    I am so proud of you!

    You are definitely smarter and stronger than I was! It took me a while to really stop all teh caretaking and advantage taking that was going on.

    It does my heart good to know that you are free!

  101. Formavitae
    May 29th, 2012 @ 1:39 PM

    @ Trish

    “My views may seem harsh, but if dbr people are going to continue to reproduce children who will most likely end up being dbr themselves, we will have dbr and mentally unstable people running around in society…”

    I know. I think about these things too. Even in the recent years, I would have thought such ideas were WAY too harsh to consider. But, now, after looking at all of the nonsense going on and rapid descent into madness and chaos (which appear to be accelerating), I feel like something needs to be done to cut it off before the rest of society is hurled into the bottomless pit.

    It seems that people these days don’t believe in raising children. They just make them and then leave them on their own to sort things out. Or (really AND), they expect the rest of the “village” to parent their children (without discipline or expectations, of course).

    I’ve decided, I’m not babysitting, watching, adopting, OR fostering your child. And, that’s a MAJOR change for me. But, I’ve just started asking myself why I should invest my hard earned resources into perpetuating the genes and bloodline of fools. And, I’m not anti-adoption. Actually, I’ve always thought I may like to adopt a child one day. And, I’m really not objected to the idea. But, I’m feeling fed up with the irresponsible people who expect everyone to take over their duties. Furthermore, when I am pregnant, I will not be drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc., because I want the healthiest, most mentally sound child I can hope to have. Why would I want to take on the residual effects of your poor prenatal care, just because the children come out LOOKING “normal”. Honestly, I’m really not in the mood.

  102. Formavitae
    May 29th, 2012 @ 2:59 PM

    I agree that people who receive public assistance should do some type of work in exchange for benefits. I’ve thought of a couple of ideas. People could be required to clean up (collect debris, wash windows, repair/paint local buildings/equipment as needed) their neighborhoods on a regular (as in weekly) basis. Also, people could be trained to repair the abandoned housing units that they could then live in with their housing assistance. I don’t know how feasible it would be to implement these programs. But, I feel that it would benefit its participants by helping them to develop a work ethic and understand that you don’t just get things in life FOR FREE. It would also teach them how to properly care for properties and a community. They need to learn that. These days, they aren’t learning much of anything. Also, it may help them develop a sense of pride in their communities, since they’ve had to make an investment (though I don’t know how likely that would be).

    GoldenAh: Agreed. Great points.

  103. Formavitae
    May 29th, 2012 @ 3:19 PM

    @ Oshun

    Hmm…I’ve never heard about PRENDA. But, the first thing I thought about was the practices of several Asian groups to abort their female children. I think I’ve also read somewhere that non-BW (I can’t remember if it was specifically WW) may be more inclined to abort their child if the father is black. I can’t remember specifics, so don’t quote me on that. It’s of of those, “I think I remember reading…” type things. Anyway, I used to be pro-life, with exceptions for sexual assault and the health (including psychological) of the mother. Now, I’m in support of abortion for the sake of avoiding the mass proliferation of parent-less children and future criminals. I’m even surprised at the changes in my own thoughts. I’m like, “Whoa…who is this?” I can’t deny it. These fools have changed me.

  104. Trish
    May 29th, 2012 @ 4:51 PM

    Oshun

    Thank you for the encouragement. BW should never let anyone take advantage of them.

  105. tasha
    May 29th, 2012 @ 6:25 PM

    I don’t watch TV, but I like Toni Braxton. Everyone go to 1channel and watch Braxton Family Values. The best links are putlocker or sockshare. Some episodes can also be seen on youtube. There’s 29 episodes.

    I do have to add that I dislike seeing bougie black people complain about sh** and acting all ‘extra’ for tv when they’re sitting up in their mansions, but the (mostly staged) drama was interesting enough for me to overlook while watching the show.

    The youngest Braxton Tamar married for money and wants to be the next Beyonce, and has hilarious one liners she’s always spouting off.

    Toni is supposedly dating white guy, but don’t know if she still is now.

    Traci is the ‘bitter sister’ because she got pregnant when she was supposed to go on tour with her sisters in the mid 90′s and had to cancel her singing career and take care of her kids.

    Which is why it’s important to take the proper precautions, because some dbr men will get you pregnant on purpose (knowing you won’t get an abortion) to try to keep you at their level and from achieiving your goals.

    Towanda is the classic example of someone who refuses to leave her dbr husband because she’s afraid the children will be scarred for life if she leaves him. He doesn’t have a job, and tells her that she reminds him of his mother. If she exercised her options she could still get it, meaning she looks good for her age and could find a quality man, but refuses to see the light.

    Trina is the only Braxton not married to a bm. Her husband is Hispanic. She constantly yells and browbeats her husband. I think he is a beta. He cheated on her for 5 years and instead of leaving him, she chose to stay married but hasn’t forgiven him and continues to browbeat him and doesn’t like being around him. She has also cheated on him.

    Mama Braxton was married to daddy for a few decades, but he cheated on her the last 10 years of the marriage and are now divorced.

    Season 1 Promo
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emUjn09hEeo

    Season 2 Promo
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWV125E0P9A

  106. MsMellody
    May 30th, 2012 @ 11:09 AM

    Goldenah – your comment about the OOW birth stats was great. You said; ” I suppose until the government stops subsidizing non-marriage, this will continue.”

    I think this comment needs to be sent to all of our congressional representatives.

    I think I am beginning to get it…I did not have children or a child oow, and I never really hung around with young women back in my formative years that were “in to that kind of thinking..”

    I know for a fact that we ( all my age mates and friends) were more so concentrated on getting out of h.s and into college and making a great life for ourselves. It even became a competition of sorts ..in state vs out of state vs how far could you move away from home etc/parents etc.

    I owe my life in a sense to the friends and company I kept. It worked out just like my parents said ..brace yourself it’s a real country folk saying..”lay down with dogs you’ll get up with fleas”.

    Meaning – you will walk away with issues that will itch at you/annoy you/ be a burden that you could’ve avoided until you were ready to deal with them.

    And – yes I said fleas/burdens/annoyance..get over it. And no – children when born into the right setting/optimal circumstances /within the boundaries of marriage between 2 (two) mature people with an adequate income in a safe environment..the child/children are a next step for the generation to come.

    But when born into not optimal circumstances..you get the next generation of youth offenders, gang bangers, street corner hustlers, skip skap sckally wags…fill in the rest.

    Another quick comment – to this younger generation who are enthralled by reality shows. Please understand that these shows are all staged to appeal to the lowest common denominator of thought processes. Jealousy, envy, anger, aggression.

    I would suggest the continued attainment of intellectual pursuits. One blogger in particular Khadija spoke eloquently about this very real phenomenon in the black collective ( notice I didnt use that word community -that’s another post for another time ) to admonish those who engage in intellectual pursuits.

    I for one applaud those who really sit down and engage their intellectual interests. There are just too many ways to engage these days, audio books, books on that darn Kindle etc., research capabilities to engage in are at our fingertips every single day.

    Some of the most famous prestigious libraries are available on line at a blink of an eye. Distance learning classes, language classes all available within our computers.

    It’s time ladies to move on in this competition of life. Let’s get going.

    GoldenAh: Excellent advice as usual, MsMellody.

  107. MsMellody
    May 31st, 2012 @ 11:25 AM

    My thoughts today are on Intentional Communities.

    I want to be one of the first to say that over the past few days due that story about the Causeway Cannibal, I have been giving more and more thought to Intentional Communities.

    I came across an article this morning in More magazine ( June 2012 issue page 83 ) entitled “Home But Not alone…Intentional communities may be right for you”.

    Let me tie these thoughts together so that you all can grasp why my thoughts are leaning toward researching them.

    I will be soon finished with grad school, and looking to move in the future to where my husband and I can retire and live in a warm year round climate.

    Due to my blessed introduction to blogs like this and Khadija’s, Evia’s, Faith’s , CW’s and some of the newer young ladies blogs I have been inspired and driven to think ; PROACTIVELY, ACTIVELY, and SHREWDLY about all the information I allow to enter into my space.

    I am quick to shut out non productive information. These recent headlines came across my desk in an update rss feed. I of course as a human being was taken aback with the simple word of “cannabilism”.

    When I avoided the story, there was an update a day or two later with the photos of the offender and his victim. When I saw that the offender was black..it made me do a double take and for some reason I thought of Evia’s ominous warning that …staying in or around the BC was soon…soooooon to be a perilous/death decision of a whole other magnitude.

    I am very well aware of the prevelance for drug use/abuse amongst the poor. The abuse and use and subsequent crime almost go hand in hand.

    All I could think about was that this poor man got a hold of some terrible drugs..cocaine, PCP or whatever. The last nite there was the Nightline piece on this drug called “Bath Salts”.

    It is suspected that this is the drug that was the catalyst of this horrific crime. The idea that this man came across a dealer that sold him Bath Salts is not too far fetched.

    Bath Salts is said to PERMANENTLY alter the brain chemistry in users. Take a moment to read this again; PERMANENTLY alter the brain’s ability to function, causes severe hallucinations, causes the users to exhibit SUPERHUMAN strength, violent rages…..

    This drug is being studied and several states have “attempted” to ban it..b/c the FDA has NOT DECLARED IT ILLEGAL…YET.

    Until that time comes, poor, disgruntled already angry unemployed – already – damaged beyond repair black men are “percentage wise” going to get their hands on this drug.

    The havoc to be wreaked could quite possibly be something unseen in current crime statistics.

    The idea of living in an Intentional Community sounds better and better EVERY SINGLE DAY to me.

    http://miami.cbslocal.com/2012/05/29/exclusive-new-details-causeway-cannibal-rudy-eugenes-last-hours/

    GoldenAh: That story is so GROSS. I have yet to hear the toxicology report as to what drug R.E. was on to make him behave that way. I know that drugs alter the brain, but they only loosen or suppress inhibitions along with the wacky hallucinations. Yet, with behavior that bizarre, I cannot help but wonder if it allows people to act on inclinations that were already there.

    I agree with you about blocking out the news or non-purposeful information. The news is really horrid and nightmarish these days.

  108. Andrea
    May 31st, 2012 @ 1:27 PM

    “I am not saying this to be cruel, but even with my own family…I am not the one. I am not the one who is going to constantly buy my neice and nephews things that their own parents should be providing for them. If I did that I would be broke myself. They were the ones who decided to have multiple children. It is their job to provide for them. If they did not have the resources or responsibility to take care of their own children they should not have had them in the first place. This does not mean that I don’t care about my niece/nephews. ”
    ~Trish

    Of course it doesn’t mean you don’t care. You can care about people without making it easier for them, or their parents, to continue making the wrong choices. And that is what welfare has become: a license to make foolish, life altering, irrevocable choices.

    Too many BW are slaves to their dbr relations and their offspring out of guilt. They go broke trying to “help”/enable their ungrateful relatives, who are NEVER there for them in the same ways when they need it. I’m glad to hear that you’re not silly enough to fall into this trap, Trish.

    “My views may seem harsh, but if dbr people are going to continue to reproduce children who will most likely end up being dbr themselves, we will have dbr and mentally unstable people running around in society, which we already have now, it’s just more concentrated in the inner cities. ”
    ~Trish

    ITA. Just last week, the mentally unstable family member of one of my upstairs neighbors tried to force his way into my new apartment. It was a terrifying experience! Fortunately, he did not get in and I was not harmed. But there are a lot of mentally unstable people being bred in this country. And it needs to stop!

    Btw, the crazy man who tried to force his way into my apartment was White and middle aged. And my building is in a middle class suburban neighborhood. So, it’s not just a Black, poor, inner city thing. Mentally unstable and dbr people are everywhere now. You can’t escape them anymore (or so it seems), and I fear that the situation will only get worse as time marches on.

    GoldenAh: There used to be places for the mentally unstable to go, but the progressives / liberals felt it would be best to “help” people by closing down mental hospitals and letting people live, eat, and defecate in the streets. These people are so “good” at helping everybody.

  109. keisha
    May 31st, 2012 @ 1:29 PM

    I was thinking about black women and relationships. I think bw need to think about how they want to spend their life.

    If you explore your options and vet properly, you can have a relatively stress free life, paying your bills on time, raising your children, (if you have them) traveling the world, nights out. etc.

    However if bw continue to choose dbr bm or dbr men in any form they will continue to be stressed out, struggling to pay bills, raising children alone, staying in one place never exploring the world, man sharing, fighting with babies’ mothers, fighting for child support. etc.

    I think if there are two million bm on the planet there are only about 5000 that have ther sh** together. Even the good bm usually want to settle down at a later age, even if they like bw, because they know they can play the field for a while. Which is why bw need to expand their options and not put their life on hold and not wait on a maybe for ten years, only to have him choose someone else.

    I have heard stories of bm stringing along bw of false promises of marriage for years(irregardless if they have children) only to marry a non black woman immediately, because they know that she will leave him for a quality white man. Or they were secretly using bw until their dream white woman came along.

    Sometimes the good bm have impossibly high standards, and treat the relationship like a reward system with bw. But with non black women, they will treat her like a queen and do anything for her. But with bw they will barely do anything, and threaten to leave if she asks for anything.

    Most bm do the bare minimum when it comes to relationships when it comes to education, career. This is why some bm complain that bw standards are too high, becuase they don’t meet the criteria, and are trying to get bw to lower their standards.

    I am attracted to alpha males. The kind that are working to get a degree, and not hustling in a low paying job. Or know when to back down from a fight, and not beat up every guy that looks at them sideways. He doesn’t need to brag about his accomplishments or bedroom techniques. He doesn’t stand on the corner and scream at women, or call them expletives when she doesn’t respond, or accost them in public. He always has a plan if something goes wrong.

    BW need to have a basic set of standards that they follow, and then vet so they can find a quality mate. These standards are the basics of what most quality non black men are working with.

    My Basic Standards
    Religious
    Healthy
    High Paying Job
    pay bills on time
    owns a car
    degree
    or certifcation
    or owns a business
    Owns home or rental property
    No Jail Time
    No multiple children
    No crazy family members
    No weird hobbies
    (no still playing video games at 20+)
    (no smoking any type of recreational drugs)
    Has an emergency fund in case of natural disaster or company bankrupty.
    Likes to explore the world

  110. Andrea
    May 31st, 2012 @ 1:48 PM

    “I am very liberal re: sexuality.

    It is insane for someone to suggest that you go against your nature as a hetero woman… I have no words.”

    Yeah, I was pretty shocked at the time. I told this person, that even if I were attracted to women I would not limit my dating pool to please him.

    This person was and is NOTHING to me — not a friend, not a relative, nothing. Just your typical, “I should be the center of your universe because I am Black and have a penis, despite you not knowing my full name” BM acquaintance.

    I ended the “conversation” by suggesting that he take his own advice and date BM since he was dating a White female co-worker of mine. The co-worker had made a point of telling him that I dated WM. At the time, I didn’t understand why either of them cared. They had each other. Supposedly.

    GoldenAh: That’s why I don’t let anyone I really don’t know try and talk to me about anything personal, esp. if they are black. They don’t know me, they don’t know my business, and 99.38% of the time they are going to talk dumb sh%t that is unproductive, harmful and toxic to my well being.

    Black folks out there need a clue, unless the advice is asked for: butt out.

    Very nice snazzy comeback, Andrea. :)

  111. alicia
    May 31st, 2012 @ 5:11 PM

    I am accepting of all types of people. I don’t care if your’e gay, straight, bi. etc. There was a black lesbian who said that men have come up to her and said that she’s too pretty to be gay, and she would tell them you’re too ugly to be straight. Or they think she will suddenly stop being gay if she found the right man.

    Respond to the haters with sarcasm and let them know that you will not put up with sexist, mysoginistic, or homophobic comments. Whether she’s straight or gay, a man telling a woman who she should spend her life with just so his ego isn’t bruised is mysoginistic.

    The only reason men come at women like this is because they’re attracted to you and they’re mad that no matter what they do, they know being gay is not a choice, and they can’t use their ‘game techniques’ on lesbians.

    Some men like lesbians if a it’s a fantasy threesome, or they’re making out in front of them, but if they were to actually choose a woman over a man to spend their life with, that’s when they get mad.

    This also applies to bm who see bw with other races of men. They make up stories to make themselves feel better of why she is not with a bm. Desperation, money. etc.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO0Mu0I-XOU

  112. Oshun
    May 31st, 2012 @ 5:50 PM

    @Formavitae

    “It makes me sad to admit this. But, when I was growing up, I wished I’d had an older brother (I’m an only child). Now, I’m THANKFUL I never had a brother, because I fear he would have been a typical DBR, and he would be making my parents’ lives and mine a living hell. Furthermore, I don’t have any brothers always trying to hit me up for a “coupla’ dollas”.”

    Thats a strong possibility. I am starting to see DBR behaviors in my nephew. Whom I had hoped and prayed would be different.

    “It seems that people these days don’t believe in raising children. They just make them and then leave them on their own to sort things out. Or (really AND), they expect the rest of the “village” to parent their children (without discipline or expectations, of course).”

    I see this all the time. It is horrible. This is it in a nutshell.

    “I agree that people who receive public assistance should do some type of work in exchange for benefits. I’ve thought of a couple of ideas.”

    They had a system like this in the UK -I think. The only thing was that employers learned how to game the system. The ‘welfare’ recipients were supposed to transition into a regular job with some of the employers after a period of time. Instead the employers would get rid of the welfare workers and then hire a new crop of welfare workers. This also kept those who were seeking service work who were not on ‘welfare’ out of jobs as the employers had a strong incentive to only deal with those on ‘welfare’.

    I put ‘welfare’ in quotes as that was not what it was called in this country, but the service served the same end.

    I am not against something such as this, but I would like to control for and prevent abuses on both sides. The goal would be to allow everyone to benefit and have positives and to see these people really get on their feet and become productive citizens or at least to crack the door in some way for their children to do so.

  113. Oshun
    May 31st, 2012 @ 6:02 PM

    @ Formavitae

    “Now, I’m in support of abortion for the sake of avoiding the mass proliferation of parent-less children and future criminals.”

    It pains my eyes to read it put so bluntly, but I agree. i think I have felt this on some level. I have always been pro-choice starting in my early teens. I had a friend a few years older than I was at the time and she was rabidly pro-life.

    I can remember having arguments with her and she would say ” well the girl laid down and got the baby – so she should have to take care of it.”

    In my early youth I came to the conclusion this was a form of punishment for the mother and that the kid would be harmed by having a parent who resentfully takes care of it.

    Little did I know, as I got older, and began to see I was so right and so wrong at the same time.

    A woman who has a child she doesn’t want will simply not care for the child. The child will either be abused or neglect of a mixture of both. The kid is going to be punished and will suffer – not the mother.

    And when you look at the pedo/teen situation with Black Girls in the BC – you are asking a kid to basically give to a child a lot she doesn’t have or else she wouldn’t have been a teen pedo victim in the first place.

    A teen mother is going to have her girlhood. Its just going to be at the expense of her children.

    So you end up with the situations you described above. Parentless children. Children who have parents on paper, but not in practice – either because she is too young or too damaged and the father is no good and has abandoned them.

  114. Oshun
    May 31st, 2012 @ 6:18 PM

    @MsMellody

    “I for one applaud those who really sit down and engage their intellectual interests. There are just too many ways to engage these days, audio books, books on that darn Kindle etc., research capabilities to engage in are at our fingertips every single day.”

    This! TV is garbage – generally speaking. I hunger for substance.

    I am all about international news right now. So much so that I may have to have an international news detox at some point. But I have to say I am totally enamored of Russia Today TV. Online and I get it streaming on tv through a device.

    They are really capitalizing on new media and they are really inclusive re age and race.

    Its almost making me curious about the country and thinking maybe I need a nice Ruskie for a husband.

    “All I could think about was that this poor man got a hold of some terrible drugs..cocaine, PCP or whatever. The last nite there was the Nightline piece on this drug called “Bath Salts”.
    It is suspected that this is the drug that was the catalyst of this horrific crime. The idea that this man came across a dealer that sold him Bath Salts is not too far fetched.
    Bath Salts is said to PERMANENTLY alter the brain chemistry in users. Take a moment to read this again; PERMANENTLY alter the brain’s ability to function, causes severe hallucinations, causes the users to exhibit SUPERHUMAN strength, violent rages…..
    This drug is being studied and several states have “attempted” to ban it..b/c the FDA has NOT DECLARED IT ILLEGAL…YET.
    Until that time comes, poor, disgruntled already angry unemployed – already – damaged beyond repair black men are “percentage wise” going to get their hands on this drug.
    The havoc to be wreaked could quite possibly be something unseen in current crime statistics.
    The idea of living in an Intentional Community sounds better and better EVERY SINGLE DAY to me.”

    Folks ain’t seen nothing yet – re designer drugs. They are calling the bath salts a new form of LSD. There is also a new synthetic morphine derivative that has a heroin like effect called Krokodil. It is cheap and is more addictive than both Crystal Meth and Crack. It eats the flesh from your bones. The high lasts about an hour, but due to its highly addictive nature it is very hard to quit. The physical withdrawls last months. So it kills most people – in the way Crystal Meth does. It started in Russia – due to the Afghan poppy/heroin trade.

    I won’t post links bc they are so graphic, but you can google it for yourselves and the pics are very graphic.

  115. Oshun
    May 31st, 2012 @ 6:19 PM

    @Andrea

    So sorry to hear that. I am glad you are safe.

  116. Formavitae
    May 31st, 2012 @ 7:30 PM

    @ Oshun

    “Thats a strong possibility. I am starting to see DBR behaviors in my nephew. Whom I had hoped and prayed would be different. ”

    You have my sympathy.

    “They had a system like this in the UK -I think. The only thing was that employers learned how to game the system.”

    I am not surprised to learn of abuses. It’s unfortunate. But, at this point, I think I am most concerned with the impacts that not having any example of a good work ethic, taking responsibility for a job/self-sufficiency, and the development of an entitlement attitude (I deserve EVERYTHING just because I want it, and there’s nothing principled I need to do to attain it) are having on these rapidly reproducing generations.

    It’s at the point now that not only don’t parents have a job, the grandparents and great-grandparents have never worked either. My parents worked, and so did my grandparents. My great-grandparents were also self-sufficient. So, I grew up with that example and developed those values. These days people feel entitled to section 8 and charity, and they make no plans to work to achieve anything else.

    As far as everything else is concerned, people are going to have to “get real”. You HAVE to get some type of education, training, or business acumen to have a reasonably comfortable/reliable financial situation in the future. The good ole’ manufacturing jobs are gone. Fast food joints don’t want to hire any ole’ knuckleheads. And, too many poor people have too much pride to work for a fast food joint and work their way up into management or ownership.

    I currently work and pay taxes for social security. However, I plan based on the assumption that I will never receive it. Fortunately, I have career goals, enjoy working, and don’t really ever plan to “retire” (in the traditional sense). We really are moving toward the times when the social safety net is going to become less reliable (and possibly non-existent). We have to face the facts and prepare.

  117. Formavitae
    May 31st, 2012 @ 7:47 PM

    @ Oshun

    “It pains my eyes to read it put so bluntly, but I agree.”

    It hurts me too. It almost sounds “pro-murder”. I was always pro-life based on the notion of the value of all human lives and everyone having special purpose/destiny. I always thought it was unfair to end the life of a baby just to satisfy a mother who could have taken steps to prevent pregnancy, but didn’t. However, I’ve always wanted victims of abuse and people whose lives/health were at stake to have to option to terminate pregnancy. I also supported the idea of adoption as an alternative to abortion.

    I would say that, inside of me, there is a part that still, and will always, hold those views. However, when I look at the number of abandoned children who grow up to become menacing, non-productive adults, my thoughts change. It would be different if these individuals kept to themselves. Instead, they terrorize and destroy innocent, hard-working, good people, just because it makes them feel more powerful and important. They prey upon vulnerable, weak, and helpless. They destroy all efforts to establish a safe society and make it difficult for others to overcome challenges and old wounds.

    I’ve grown tired of all the nonsense. And, that is why my views have changed.

  118. Formavitae
    May 31st, 2012 @ 7:48 PM

    @ Oshun

    I should have said “a mother AND FATHER” could have taken steps to prevent pregnancy. Males DO try to pressure females into having abortions, after taking no responsibility to prevent impregnation in the first place.

  119. Andrea
    May 31st, 2012 @ 8:44 PM

    “I’ve just started asking myself why I should invest my hard earned resources into perpetuating the genes and bloodline of fools. … But, I’m feeling fed up with the irresponsible people who expect everyone to take over their duties. Furthermore, when I am pregnant, I will not be drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc., because I want the healthiest, most mentally sound child I can hope to have. Why would I want to take on the residual effects of your poor prenatal care, just because the children come out LOOKING “normal”. Honestly, I’m really not in the mood.”
    ~Formavitae

    THIS. All over my town I see women of all ethnicities, but especially poor WW and BW, with big baby bellies smoking cigarrettes in public. I know a BW who was drinking enough beer that I could smell it in the air after she used my restroom. It’s ridiculous! If you don’t want the kid, and resent it’s presence in your womb that much, don’t have it! Why someone would purposely CHOOSE to make their children defective is beyond me. It is a very cruel thing to do to a child. They did not ask to be born to women who never wanted them.

    People criticized Tom Cruise and Nichole Kidman for micromanaging the lifestyle and environment of the women they adopted their two children from. Knowing what I know about people who have children they really don’t want, I do not blame them one little bit.

    “Now, I’m in support of abortion for the sake of avoiding the mass proliferation of parent-less children and future criminals. I’m even surprised at the changes in my own thoughts. I’m like, “Whoa…who is this?” I can’t deny it. These fools have changed me.”
    ~Formvitae

    My parents used to talk about all the parents who didn’t want to be parents, but kept “reproducing like rabbits to collect a check.” I saw many kids at my school with parents like that. It changed me as a kid, before I even knew what an abortion was. Their kids were the ones me and my youngest brother instinctively avoided like the plague and my much older, crazy, drug addict half-brother sought out.

    “Which is why it’s important to take the proper precautions, because some dbr men will get you pregnant on purpose (knowing you won’t get an abortion) to try to keep you at their level and from achieiving your goals.”
    ~tasha

    That is so true. I have a childhood friend who had to get an abortion in her senior year at high school, because her dbr boyfriend was jealous that she got into Swarthmore College and was going to be living far away from him. He was only able to get into a community college. He used a razor blade on the condoms he wore (this according to his older brother). He was furious that she refused to reproduce with him, and tried very hard to make her life hell.

    He ended up in jail because of his crazy stalker behavior. What a nut job he was. And there were people (you can guess their gender and ethnicity) who said she “drove him to it”, because she “thought she was too good to have his baby.” Strangely enough, no one in his own family have ever said these things to my friend. And his brother outed him on the condoms.

  120. Andrea
    May 31st, 2012 @ 8:52 PM

    @Oshun

    Thank you!

  121. Formavitae
    May 31st, 2012 @ 11:33 PM

    “Their kids were the ones me and my youngest brother instinctively avoided like the plague”

    I’m glad you had the sense to run away, even as a very young child.

    “I have a childhood friend who had to get an abortion in her senior year at high school, because her dbr boyfriend was jealous that she got into Swarthmore College and was going to be living far away from him.”

    I’m glad your friend didn’t get “stuck”. I know of an AA girl who was attending an Ivy League institution. A DBR got her pregnant. And, not surprisingly, she ended up leaving the school so she could have/raise his child. I don’t know what happened to her after that. (Many) College kids of all races have sex on the regular, but AAs seem to be the ones who can’t do so without having babies. AA males love to sabotage an AA female’s future. They don’t seem to be happy, unless they can bring down a sister who’s trying hard.

  122. sheila
    June 1st, 2012 @ 1:26 AM

    The issue with sterilization and abortion is that it should be used as a last resort. If someone is showing signs of being dbr they need to practice safe sex so that either of the two do not have to be used.

    But some people are selfish and will not take the proper precautions. This is why there are dbr people running around in society, because there are people who have no business being parents, who refuse to use condoms combined with birth control. Then refused to get sterilized or have an abortion, and it becomes a cycle of dbr people producing dbr people.

  123. MsMellody
    June 1st, 2012 @ 3:02 PM

    Being prepared looks like this;

    http://uncrate.com/stuff/equipment-bug-out-bag/

  124. LMH
    June 1st, 2012 @ 3:23 PM

    I don’t believe that abortion should be “a last resort”. If adults are using birth control (or not) and decide that they don’t really want a baby (yet or ever)or can’t properly raise a child they should get an abortion if they have no interest in adoption. I understand the “sanctity of life” argument, but I have never felt (even as a young woman) that the “sanctity of life” always trumps the “quality of life.” How does it help or serve anyone to have a child born into a life of poverty and lack or possibly being resented or hated by its parents?

    I have a couple of friends who had abortions, finished school, got married and had happy, healthy families, because the timing was right and the children were wanted. I know many single mothers (some used forms of birth control that failed, some thought the “good man” they were with would come through for them) who have had more struggles and challenges than necessary because they wouldn’t even consider abortion.

    At least one of my single mom friends wanted an abortion, but her family, friends and church pressured her into doing the “right thing”. Her marriage lasted about 7 months and she ended up divorced and raising the child alone, never finished college and she has struggled with depression and anxiety for years.

  125. Oshun
    June 1st, 2012 @ 7:48 PM

    It is getting hard to scroll through the comments. I cant believe I missed these.

    @Keisha

    “If you explore your options and vet properly, you can have a relatively stress free life, paying your bills on time, raising your children, (if you have them) traveling the world, nights out. etc.
    Even the good bm usually want to settle down at a later age, even if they like bw, because they know they can play the field for a while. Which is why bw need to expand their options and not put their life on hold and not wait on a maybe for ten years, only to have him choose someone else.
    I have heard stories of bm stringing along bw of false promises of marriage for years(irregardless if they have children) only to marry a non black woman immediately, because they know that she will leave him for a quality white man. Or they were secretly using bw until their dream white woman came along.
    Sometimes the good bm have impossibly high standards, and treat the relationship like a reward system with bw. But with non black women, they will treat her like a queen and do anything for her. But with bw they will barely do anything, and threaten to leave if she asks for anything.”

    I don’t know if there is such a thing as a ‘good bm’. With the exception of a few gay BM who have proven to be allies of BW and BGs and a few men who were born in the 1930s-40s (whom I have heard encourage BW to date out as they think most modern BM are crazy)- I think its a wrap. I think what passes for good BM is insane. It looks good on paper, but thats about it. I thing most middle aged and younger BM are all varying degrees of DBR.

    Before I stopped dating BM they all acted like they were doing me a favor. And I wish BW would stop with this Black Massa Kang is the best in bed. It is a lie. I have never been so sorely disappointed sexually in my life than when dealing with BM.

    And you spoke the truth re WW and nonBW. I think that most BM as Evia has repeatedly said moving their way to nonBW. Just look at the colorism.

    @ Andrea
    “This person was and is NOTHING to me — not a friend, not a relative, nothing. Just your typical, “I should be the center of your universe because I am Black and have a penis, despite you not knowing my full name” BM acquaintance.”

    Wow! This is sad, but I should expect as much. BM really need to be disabused of this entitlement/ownership notion.

    @ Alicia
    ” There was a black lesbian who said that men have come up to her and said that she’s too pretty to be gay… Or they think she will suddenly stop being gay if she found the right man.

    Whether she’s straight or gay, a man telling a woman who she should spend her life with just so his ego isn’t bruised is mysoginistic.

    … but if they were to actually choose a woman over a man to spend their life with, that’s when they get mad.”

    I can only think of poor Sakia Gunn when I read this.

  126. Formavitae
    June 2nd, 2012 @ 2:24 AM

    @ Ms. Melody

    Thanks for the link. I plan to complete CCW training within the next 6 mos or so.

    I’m not playing.

  127. lina
    June 2nd, 2012 @ 10:19 AM

    I was thinking about colorism and hypocrisy in some parts of the black community. The black people who don’t like interracial couples, and make fun of their children, but are the first to chase after the bi racial children as adults because of their light skin. The bp that want to segregate themselves from the rest of society and put everyone in a category, or refuse to do certain things because “Only white people do that.”

    The bisexual and biracial singer Fay Wolf with a black mom and white dad states: “Being uncategorizable can be a blessing and a curse. Growing up in Connecticut, and basically growing up in a white world, the little flak I got was from the black community. It’s tough. Because my skin is essentially white, I found that I got more flak from the black kids than the white kids. I was getting called Oreo by the black kids.”

    http://www.curvemag.com/Curve-Magazine/Web-Articles-2012/Hot-Licks-Fay-Wolf/

  128. GoldenAh
    June 17th, 2012 @ 2:50 PM

    Want to thank all of the ladies for making this an interesting discussion.



  • Pages

  • Archives

  • Categories