BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


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What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank

Posted on | April 3, 2012 | 128 Comments

This is a free range post, so don’t expect too much coherence. πŸ™‚

News With No Opinion

I don’t watch the evening news. I read selective items online such as: local Weather, Technology, Health, Sports (at least when J-Lin was playing with the Knicks), Politics, Business, Economics, and hopefully stuff that wont irritate and annoy me.

One of the reasons you do not find me writing a comment about many of the latest news stories is that I realize by the third week, a lot of initial “facts” change. And even after that, sometimes it’s best to remain silent. What I say wont bring anybody back, alter government policy or reality, and unless I’m looking to make a point – my policy is to have no opinion on the matter(s).

Does that mean I don’t care? I care about my personal issue(s), my personal life and while I wish I could be affected by things people assume would affect me, I know they wont. It’s a long winded way of saying I don’t share the victim mentality that being black makes me less than, weak, a sorry excuse for a human being, powerless and unable to change. I cannot do the impossible, but I’ll try. And that starts with how I think about myself. That is the only thing I have the most control over: me.

Does that mean I don’t issue an opinion in other forums? Sometimes I’ll have some thoughts relating to a piece of the overall picture, but I’m unable to offer a solution. I don’t believe in group related solutions. Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone absorbs information differently. One person’s candor is another person’s insult. You know how it is sometimes, you wonder if people can comprehend English, because their understanding strays so far from the writer’s obvious intent. And then you realize these intelligent people are being deliberately obtuse. I used to troll. It was fun back in the day. So I get it.

Life’s Little Changes

I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve got an uneasy feeling coming over me. Maybe that’s how Spring is – one day it’s warm, next day Tornadoes are busting out all over.

So, I’m in a contemplative mood. My cat, who was only 12 years old, got ill – so quickly – and I had to take him to the vet. I lost something dear to me last week. I was surprised by the depths of my sorrow. I’m not the most emotional person around. I don’t mean stoic or long suffering. I wisecrack and laugh like everyone else, but I don’t let things bother me (like a lot of people seem to over topics online – I really could not care less). I’m not a huggy-kissy kind of woman, well, unless it’s with my man, otherwise… So I like who and what I like. I can only truly be bothered by friend and family matters, which are up close and personal.

Do I miss my little mongrel? Sure. I also had to take into account how much room I made for that animal in my life. I regarded my feline as a person. My family and friends would always inquire about my cat (long after meeting him). He was a true character. And I learned how to be patient with him. I learned how to look after someone other than myself (I am very selfish and not afraid to admit it). I’ve also learned that if I don’t succeed the first time, come back in a minute to try again. I made sure he was always comfortable, never went hungry, never went cold, and spoiled him rotten. πŸ™‚

He was very entertaining too:

– Whenever I was going to feed him, I’d say, “Eat”. And he’d jump out of the chair and run into the kitchen.
– He used to fetch little balls of paper after I tossed them for him to swat away.
– He used to follow me everywhere around the house, walking next to me like he had a leash on.
– If he wanted my attention, he’d get up on his hind legs, and while I’m sitting at the table, hold onto the table with one paw and tap me with the other.
– I’d say, “Come on” to leave a room. He’d follow.
– I’d say, “Stop that” or “No.” If he was doing something that irritated me. He would stop.
– I’d say, “Get out.” He liked to follow me into the bathroom. He would leave.

Maybe everybody’s cat did this. I had cats as a kid, but never one like this little fellow.

Would I get another cat? No. I like them, but when you’ve had one with such unique characteristics, you have to let that one be the last. And frankly, I don’t have the energy to invest in another one. A pet can take a lot out of a person. I’m a one-track kind of individual. I’m envious of people who can juggle multiple threads of their lives in the air, I’m not able to do that. And I accept that about myself.

RIP Buddy. I thank God for letting you into my life and teaching me so much. πŸ™‚

 

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128 Responses to “What’s On Your Mind? Mine Is Rather Blank”

  1. Kay
    April 17th, 2012 @ 9:46 PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your cat.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your thoughts, Kay. It is appreciated. How have you been?

  2. MsMellody
    April 18th, 2012 @ 2:10 PM

    Hi Betty.

    When you said …” Well, we’ve seen this with riots in the past and during Katrina: black women and children suffer the most when chaos comes to town.”…

    I stood at my computer to give this statement a standing ovation.

    This totally and completely sums up what Khadija pointed out at one of her recent posts about the futile nature of Black people getting out in the streets “marching”..it speaks to the absolute lack of power.

    As this compares to the institutional power of the ruling group.

    This statement of yours totally spoke to all the news footage from that awful period with Katrina. Without drudging up those images…I will never forget how clear the bell rung in my head concerning how I had moved out and away from the Blackistan. I felt so good that I made that decision more than a decade earlier.

    GoldenAh: It’s not a new problem: Booker T Washington and W. E. B. DuBois were at opposite ends of the progressive black spectrum. Each man had a different philosophy regarding black people. Do the people compromise, get educated, learn a trade and build a nation? Or do they fight to integrate, vote, participate at the margins, and worry about the finer details later?

    Radicalism is sexy: lots of shouting, lots of talking, lots of marching and feeling self-satisfied. However, the real work comes from grimy, unromantic, long term thinking – building institutions that last a lifetime. And since we don’t have that kind of “black leadership”, we can safely shrug our shoulders, escape Blakistan figuratively and literally, and head for the hills to seek out the best lives we can have for ourselves. πŸ™‚

    Khadija has a keen eye foretelling the state of black America.

    And thank you for the compliment, MsMellody. πŸ™‚

  3. Arianna
    April 22nd, 2012 @ 3:59 PM

    can I just say- I think this site needs a little Michael Fassbender- he has no problem stepping out in public with his black girlfriends (Zoe kravitz, sunawin andrews, and now the fabulous nicole beharie.)
    Lots of white women on sites like tumblr are fuming about it but he looks happy and afffectionate with all these women.

    GoldenAh: I love the look and features of tumblr. Maybe I can incorporate those from WP – if there are apps available.

    Girl, I’m one of the laziest bloggers of the bunch. I’ve still got posts to write, I’ve been promising to write for years. LOL. πŸ˜€

    I’ll keep the hot couples posts in mind: I do like seeing them.

    Thanks for the input, Arianna. Love the name.

  4. Dee Dee Russell
    May 5th, 2012 @ 2:44 PM

    Hey Betty

    My condolences on the lost of your dear cat, Buddy!

    GoldenAh: Thank you for your thoughts, Dee Dee. They are much appreciated.

    I remember that you had a cat too. He was beautiful. πŸ™‚

  5. Dee Dee Russell
    May 8th, 2012 @ 7:45 PM

    Thank you Betty I hope you’re doing well, it takes some time to get over the lose of a beloved pet, yes my cat was handsome at 19 pounds and 19 years old. Something about those boy cats….

    GoldenAh: You were fortunate to have him for so long. Male cats are devilish little rascals…. πŸ˜€

  6. MsMellody
    May 10th, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

    Okay…I needed some place to say this;

    I am so angry…about an incident that happened to me today. While out on my bike, I was verbally accosted 2 (two) times by – you guessed it – black males.

    Taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh..let me just state that – I knew before going out today that black people seem to be amazed to see a black woman carefree..out on her bike during a beautiful sunny day..smiling and going about her business. This seems to be such a sight to some people!! WHY??

    I already know the answer..I just wanted to just say those words. Anywhoooo these two incidents were not in anyway physical in nature. No one stepped off the sidewalk and into the street to put their hands on me ( I kept the pedals on the bike humming at a nice pace..because I am aware that some black men cannot control their damaged natures )..BUT – what did transpire just got under my skin today.

    As I was pedalling by – the Black men HAD to shout real loud in my direction ” Hey Miss”

    And in the second incident as I was on my way back to my condo ..an older black man who shouted to the freakin’ top of his lungs because there was a crowd of younger black guys walking near by him the following ..”Sing Girl Sing”!!!

    For the record I was NOT singing, I happened to have been humming to my self. The street was very very quiet at that moment, and the younger black guys had just walked past me on the sidewalk as I rode past them and the older black man was a few steps behind this group.

    And yes.. I already knew at that moment that this black man was taking the DBR black male perspective of “putting a shine” on me..or for lack of a better term he wanted to make sure that I looked to my right to acknowledge him as I rode by..a means of throwing dirt on me so to speak. I was just pedalling along in the street humming to myself, carefree in the sun, on a bright clear afternoon.

    I tell you all this – I knew that when my husband and i bought in this “gentrify-ing” area I thought that the groups of DBRs and the like would be long gone by now. But as I have read more and more of blogs like Betty’s and the others I have learned that this DBR’ness runs deeeeeeep into all age groups/education levels and locales.

    I am just angry for this moment I as a Black woman dont have the same sense of security..when I pedal down the street/walk down the street/ride the CTA etc.

    It just really irks me that if I had been blue eyed blonde that NEITHER of these dbr black men would have said a single peep to me.

    I’m done with my rant.

    GoldenAh: Great rant. Glad you came here to express this. Feel free. I know exactly how you feel. Sorry to hear these people ruined your day.

    There was a BM at my job that was out of order, but he seems to have calmed down. I was ignoring him until he started acting like a civilized human being.

    Just the other day, I had a smelly BM with a penetrating hostile stare deliberately crash his shopping cart into mine at my local grocery store. Since I have many other choices, I’m not going back there again. We have to be careful in this economy. I agree, MsMellody, being a BW anywhere alone, esp. with BM around – it’s not safe.

    Now, I have a BW at work who has major issues, but I’ve decided to ignore her, because I think she’d be thrilled to see me angry. In a few weeks the project ends, I’ll never see her again, so I’m just gonna put her on complete NigNore. That’s the best you can do with these people. It’s like they don’t realize a BW can be happy with themselves. They’re miserable and need you to join them in their misery.

    Thanks for your comments, MsMellody. πŸ™‚

  7. MsMellody
    May 10th, 2012 @ 5:54 PM

    Forgot to add that;

    In both incidents – I DID NOT RESPOND in anyway to the dbr males.

  8. Oshun
    May 10th, 2012 @ 11:42 PM

    Ms Mellody

    I am so sorry to hear that. Look like old crusty should know better. This entitlement/ownership mentality has got to go!

  9. Oshun
    May 10th, 2012 @ 11:48 PM

    I am so happy today! I have been doing my happy dance for like 2 hours now. I think I may have even slipped and twerked once or twice!

    I just learned that Baby Boomers are no longer the largest voting bloc in the USA today! Google it yall!

    Its actually drum roll….

    Women!

    And Ms. Kumar from Voto Latino says that the “face” of this woman is single, working, and “diverse”.

    I wish BWE had a legal political arm! I wish I could remember all those posts from Rev. Lisa on special interests.

    If we can somehow manage/control the suicide bombers among us and come up with some strategies for dealing with “others” to our advantage – we could really change the game up in here!

    Now I must do more of my happy dance and then intellectually digest.

    GoldenAh: That’s interesting. I think that even with all the issues we’re hearing politicians talk about, I don’t feel like they’re addressing single, working and ethnically diverse women. The fight seems to be over married white women with kids and whether they are stay-at-home or not.

    I’d like politicians to talk about economic opportunity and improving the mess we have now.

    I like that expression “suicide bombers among us”, because for the life of me I’m tired of reading silly articles by BW that sounds like they’ve been composed by aliens. I’m especially sick of stupid opinions where they work hard to “other” us and take the view that all BW think in the same depraved and damaged way.

    Thank you for your thoughts, Oshun. πŸ™‚

  10. MsMellody
    May 11th, 2012 @ 9:26 AM

    Thanks Oshun!!!

    I really appreciated your reply to my little outing yesterday.

    And yes we as women are a very powerful voting block. And I think..no I know deep in my heart that having a place like this and other blogs to learn from have been instrumental in changing a lot of women’s lives.

    We can change our directions and can make better lives for ourselves when we know OUR OWN power and use it WISELY!!!

    Just wanted to add this also – you know when I thought about that incident a little further this morning…I was glad that I was prepared to not respond and hold on to my power. Because giving those idiots any kind of “face” time as in acknowledging their existence was all that they were after. As a matter of fact I know this to be the truth because – in the first encounter a white man had just walked past this broken down black man and he ( the black man ) didnt say ONE SINGLE SOLITARY thing to this white man..but as soon as I had began pedalling my beautiful bike past this clown black man takes it upon himself to try to get me to acknowledge his existence i.e make him feel visible or important!!

    I laugh now as I am typing this- but I was angry at the time and just wanted to vent.

    Thanks again Oshun!

    GoldenAh: Sometimes I’m afraid I’m going to lose my temper and give one of these nitwits the satisfaction of watching me blow up. The best I can do is ignore them and take off. I have enough personal stresses – I don’t need them adding to it.

    Yes, you are so right, MsMellody, we have power and the key is not to let these people get to us.



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