Do I Want To Talk About

Posted on | June 17, 2012 | 48 Comments

I suppose my hiatus is over. It’s hard to blog sometimes. Events happen quickly. And by time I think to write about it – I’m not feeling it anymore.

Do I want to talk about Floridian Cannibals? No thanks. Makes me lose my appetite.

Do I want to talk about the NBA playoffs? I only want the Miami Heat to lose. Otherwise, I’m not interested.

Do I want to talk about the President? I would, I could, but we’ll see after November 2012. I usually get asked by a relative, “Is he really such an idiot?” I’ve been reluctant to answer, but lately … I’m hard pressed, you know? If you are a fan of the President, don’t be offended. It’s just that if he was working at a private corporation, he’d have been fired by now. You try saying it’s the last guy / gal who held your title / position is the reason for your sub-par performance.

Yeah, that’ll work.

Do I want to talk about EU and the imploding Greek, Spanish, and Italian economies? Nope. Really don’t care. I suspect if the President was a Republican they could comfortably blame America for their wonderful mess, but they can’t say jack. I hope they aren’t hoping for any bailouts from the USA, ’cause we’s broke, ya’ll.

Do I want to talk about our wonderful, thriving economy? Nope. ‘Cause the President says, “The private sector is doing fine.” Still smoking that stuff, sir? #doingfine #Choom

Do I want to talk about black men who are face chewing, stalking, cheating, murderous, promiscuous, insane, damaged beyond repair nutjobs? Not for a very very very long time. I think I’ve OD on the subject. What more is there to say? Stay the hell away from ‘em. If you can, leave Blackistan. Nuff said.

Do I want to talk about travel? I’ve got Singapore on the brain. So far away. Lovely steady temperature. And expensive as all out. I’m due for a treat. Aiming for next year. If I go, it’ll be the first flight since the airports put in the Rape-I-Scanners. #fingerscrossed

Do I want to talk about dating and mating with non-black men? It’s academic, natural and simple. If you are a heterosexual woman, there are attractive men out there you can bond with regardless of hue. Wanting and needing is normal and acceptable: You want a man. You need a man. There’s no shame in that desire. Just relax. Go easy on yourself. And keep looking.

Do I want to talk about obesity? Naw, why should I? Aren’t fat black women helpless bullied victims? It is obviously everybody’s fault some of them are such a hot mess. Shoot. Where I work there is this obese, short, extremely unattractive black woman – her stomach rests on the chair seat – she needs to lean back to stand – she cannot see her feet if she looked down – she waddles in a circle when she walks – she’s a malodorous cloud of sweat, stink perfume and sulfur – she’s always bringing in fattening foods to offer to others (and she’s always on a diet) – she offers advice no one wants to hear – she’s the office “Mammy”.

And I live rent free in her little head.

Guess whose BODY she studies? Guess whose HEALTH she wants to fret about? Guess whose CLOTHING she’s obsessed with? Guess whose phone calls she listens in on? Guess who she wont leave the goddamn hell alone – day in and day out? I don’t talk to this person. I don’t acknowledge her. I’ve never mentioned anything about her looks, but people like her – it has to be she’s been dropped on her shrunken head one time too many as a child. I also get my share of nasty lip curls and looks of hatred from two other obese black women at work, but hey, it must be because I’m the reason they cannot put their forks down. Must be my fault. What do I get from everybody else who’s short, tall, dark, light or small? Normalcy. We say, “Hello”, and keep it moving.

It’s not the first time I’ve encountered this kind of crazy from these poor, innocent, polite, delicate, sweet-natured big boned girls. I don’t usually mention it, because I often put it out of mind. And I’m not even close to slender, I consider myself medium-size. (I used to be heavier. I know what it’s like.)

But black women, some of you really, really need therapy. You require years of counseling. Do not be ashamed of seeking professional help with your issues.

‘Cause I’m gonna tell you right now, other black women – who are minding their own damn business, working to stay healthy, and living their life – aren’t in your way. And no amount of hectoring, harassing, bitching, critiquing or beseeching is gonna turn us into the office “Beulah” laboring beside you.

So, you go on ahead, continue to commit suicide by fork. ‘Cause you are on that plantation all by your lonesome.

Do I want to talk about Scandal? Really enjoyed the show. It’s meant to be funny, right? ‘Cause I couldn’t stop laughing. Best new comedy on TV.

Do I want to talk about the movies? Nope. Haven’t seen any of those “blockbusters”. Nothing interests me. Not even Prometheus. Only because anything to do with Alien(s) gives me nightmares. Yeah, I’m a big child.

Do I want to talk about anything else? Perhaps. We’ll see. I promise myself I’d blog more. We’ll see.

Hope everyone is doing fine and fulfilling their dreams.

Category: 2012, black women, blogging, peace of mind, people, politics, priorities, stalkers, stress, weight, working
Tags: black women > Do I Want To Talk About > fat > life > obese > politics > therapy

Comments

48 Responses to “Do I Want To Talk About”

Mikey Tandino
June 18th, 2012 @ 1:13 PM

Welcome Back! Was wondering when you were gonna come back and bust us down with the realness.

You mean you dont wanna talk about Creflo “Beat ya Till Ya Hollar” Dollar? Im kidding cause im sick of that too.

Im with ya on the living ya life tip.

GoldenAh: Hey Mikey, how’s it going?

What a bizarre moniker. Creflo Dollar sounds like the name of a dirty south rapper: all I can picture is a swollen mouth with teeth crusted in gold and diamonds.

It’s hard to keep up with the news today, so many strange events. Feels like a #zombieapocalypse is coming.
Bellydancer
June 18th, 2012 @ 3:41 PM

Hey girlie those chicks at work sound cray cray (lol).
I have been seeing a lot of indie movies this year. I have seen in the past couple of months the following movies.

Hysteria
Bel Ami
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Salmon Fishing In The Yemen
Cariolinus
Marilyn
Jeff Who Lives At Home
Wanderlust
Win Win
Thin Ice

……..so many others I have been on a Indie movie kick lately and they are kicking these blockbuster movies in the ass.

GoldenAh: I still want to see the original foreign movie version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I meant to see it in the theaters.

I’ve been hooked on watching Korean Dramas. Every time I think I’m gonna stop, they get a new batch of shows. My online crack; the stuff keeps getting better. I wonder why there isn’t a cable network or two over here with quality minority programming.

Anyway, I want to see the indie movies too. I have to get some time and find a way to watch them. ‘Cause I cannot take these “blockbusters” – same sh#t, different day.

And you know, I don’t mind the haters who give me the evil eye / stank face. LOL. At least they leave me alone. I smile at them. It’s the nut who acts like a cult member recruiter that works my last nerve. I’m never gonna join: she can forget about it.

Thanks for the movie list, Bellydancer. Great to hear from you!
QueenOfThePen
June 18th, 2012 @ 7:28 PM

Welcome back, BC! Your commentary is so refreshing. Picked my spirits right up! Say your words as well as you always do.

GoldenAh: Thank you, QueenOfThePen. I appreciate the feedback. I’m like, “You know, I’m trying to have a life here. Go stress somebody else with your issues.”
Bellydancer
June 19th, 2012 @ 8:49 AM

What the hell is she trying to recruit you to do? Please explain WTH is going on at work?

GoldenAh: Mikey – in the next comment – said it right, “To be a fellow fat-ass.” I just want her to leave me alone. I don’t want her food. I don’t want her unsolicited “advice”. I don’t want to know her. I don’t want her company. I’m a quiet, easy going person, but people like her mistaken that for being a pushover. She’s messing with the wrong chick. Although I look younger than I am, I’m not a simple child that needs some idiot to come and tell me how to live my life.

And I’ve had to be incredibly rude to get her to ease up. Normal people know to back off, but there’s something seriously wrong with this one. I mean, I walk past her without saying, “Hi” or “Bye”. I don’t even look at her. I don’t acknowledge her. I walk away if she tries to talk to me. So she’s figured out how to pretend it’s work related, but now I diss her over that as well. Our work doesn’t require ANY interaction. Nothing we do affects one another. I wont even get into how she’s tried to blame me and another person for her lack of getting work done.

Hey, but think my stone cold dismissal of this person keeps her away? She continues to think up some excuse to bring her repulsive face and body INTO my cubicle. Not even the worst black male pests, at other jobs, have been this ridiculous. I’d offer more examples, but my blood pressure is starting to rise.

I just wanna do my work and go home. She’s living in her own world. I don’t want to be a part of it.

Sorry for the rant.
Mikey Tandino
June 19th, 2012 @ 9:48 AM

I guess recruit her to be a fellow fat-ass?

I am doing very well, thanks for asking. And dead at swolen mouth.

Jealousy amongst Black women really needs to stop. Its like im so sick of it. I say just fine a few who are cool and like minded and keep the rest until proven at arms length.

And then sometimes someone ice grilling you really likes something about you. That has happened to me, I was in the hair salon and this lady kept staring at me, im like jeez, take a picture lady. Turns out she thought my hair was beautiful. So sometimes you never know why someone is staring.

GoldenAh: You got it, Mikey. She believes she’s a “leader” and I’m supposed to follow. She better not hold her breath. I never yield.

And your comment is on point: I’ll wait and watch for as long as it takes. I’m a patient observer. I’ve gathered enough evidence and my verdict about her has been made. She’s wasting her time thinking I’m going to relent. I’m done.
Jonathan
June 19th, 2012 @ 2:38 PM

RE: Obama

One small issue – He’s NOT working at a private corporation. If he was, he’d be CEO, and he wouldn’t need to get his initiatives passed by a body of childish, obstructionist legislators.

That said, he knew what he was signing up for. He knew he would be attacked for things that are his fault and thing that aren’t. He is playing the game. Blaming it on the last guy is not really whining – It’s a political tactic. And actually, it works sometimes.

GoldenAh: Meh. He’s been doing whatever he wants. A kill list with US Citizens. Chatty self-congratulatory staff only too happy to leak national security information. Constantly whining about how nothing is ever his fault. Congress passed his stimulus plans. He makes recess appointments even when Congress is not in recess. We’ve got more debt than all the past administrations combined, or is that running deficits each month into amounts never reached before? Hard to recall it’s so brutal. He just about killed off NASA. Americans lost 40% of their wealth during his term. Millions of people cannot find work or have given up. He closed down the Keystone Pipeline. He wanted more expensive energy. How much is gas now? I think he said that $8.00 gas is necessary or something similarly stupid to that affect. He swore he’d close down Coal Plants. Wants to drive ‘em out of business. And lately, this great gem: “The private sector is doing fine.” Alrighty then.

Sounds like everything is working according to his plans.

By the way, Congress is a CO-EQUAL branch of government as is the Supreme Court. None of those governmental bodies have to abide by the President’s demands. He is NOT an Emperor, King, or Sun God. He has to be a persuasive leader. His JOB is to WORK with Congress. Even Bill Clinton managed to work with a much much more recalcitrant, belligerent and hostile Congress. And boy, do I miss the economy of those days!!!

Also, CEOs have to be persuasive, engaging, strongly communicative leaders with working plans for the future of the company, otherwise they are quickly tossed out for poor performance. The Board of Directors hires the CEO – they giveth and they taketh away. So, no one gets an easy ride anywhere.

Thanks for your comments, Jonathan.
Faith
June 19th, 2012 @ 7:57 PM

HELLO!!!! Write when you want, we’ll still be here.

@Bellydancer – How was Salmon Fishing In The Yemen? I want to see it.

Add Portugal to the failed experiment called the Euro…but the currency is still worth more than the US Dollar!

GoldenAh: Thank you, Faith. I always hope to write with humor and be engaging on some level.

A friend of mine went to Portugal about a year ago, she said it’s a beautiful country and a really lovely place to visit. My brother was talking about going to Spain. I hope he’s careful. I went to Barcelona during the boom years, and it was still sorta rough in some places.

The Euro is so convenient. It was a good idea, but I’m lost as to why there’s a crisis. Quite a few countries use the US dollar as their currency, or alongside, and it’s not a problem. Oh well.

Great to hear from you. Thanks for the links to my site.
Bellydancer
June 20th, 2012 @ 9:22 AM

Hey Faith: Salmon Fishing In The Yemen was kind of dry and drawn out but I am an Ewan Mcgregor fan so I wanted to see it. Ewan is kind of hit or miss lately with his films. Although I did like him in The Ghost Writer and I Love You Phillip Morris.

Golden: Is this crazy woman older than you? It sounds like she is trying to call herself trying to give you advice which you don’t need as far as her food is concerned yeah I would be leery of eating it even if it was healthy food. Geesh this chick sounds crazy I would keep documenting stuff and try not to lose your job over this silly heffa.

GoldenAh: She’s much older, but not elderly. No worries about the job, though. I got her on full NigNore. She’s just a nuisance to herself.

Thanks for your concern, Bellydancer.
Formavitae
June 20th, 2012 @ 12:43 PM

Well, Betty,

I’m glad to hear you don’t want to be a fatso! Thanks for posting again. The way you phrase things always makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face. I watched the original version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo two or so years ago. I personally enjoyed it. There are at least two more films in the series. I want to watch them as well but find it difficult to watch tv in any form when I’m in academic/work mode. I wish I were less addicted to the internet.

It’s nice to hear from you again!

GoldenAh: I’ve been big and small. My knees thank me for lightening the load.

I’m always happy to hear that I can make you ladies smile and laugh.

Thanks for that comment, Formavitae. It’s greatly appreciated.
Eva
June 21st, 2012 @ 7:42 AM

It’s a shame that people can’t just leave you alone at work. Where I used to work, we were always engaging each other, it was great. Now I work with someone who’s quiet. I had to learn that being quiet is just her nature, nothing wrong with it. It’s fine to be quiet, it’s fine to want to talk, but people have to learn to respect each others boundaries.

If some heavy person was trying to shove food down my throat, I’d get pretty angry as well. I had enough of that growing up, by my relatives who all thought I was too skinny. I’m no longer skinny, but it doesn’t mean I want to be obese either.

I saw both “Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” movies and I liked the US version better, but it’s good to see both.

I like how you talk about dating non black men. I was like, “you mean black women STILL have issues with that?” I’ve been dating non black men since the early 80′s. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, depends on the man.

I don’t watch most network TV, I opt for cable, documentary style “reality” shows like “Deadliest Catch” and “Ice Road Truckers.” Sure they have their fake moments, but they’re both better than anything the network puts out.

As far as Obama is concerned, he may not be perfect, but I can’t vote for a guy who has a name I’d give a cat.

GoldenAh: I’m actually fine chatting and joking with people. I’ll talk with everyone. I think like most quiet people, we’re not even aware of our silence. I’m thinking of so many different things, I’m deep in my own mind. Introverts are always thinking about stuff, but keeping it to ourselves. One of my good friends is even more quiet than I am. I seem like the blabbermouth when I’m hanging out with her.

Another friend of mine got harassed by people when she got down to a smaller size. It was where she used to be, but the people around her were all big…. So she ended up big again.

There’s just something so different, interesting, stimulating – and dare I say erotic – about dating non-black men. Even the non-black male jerks are fascinating.

I see the verdict for GWTDT is all thumbs up. Must see then.

I live in a state that’s most likely going to Obama, but I hope we can get rid of the Senators.

Thank you so much for your comments, Eva.
joan
June 21st, 2012 @ 8:52 AM

HI. I WANT- to date a WM but i am in Africa! I am so serious about this! Any Suggestions?

GoldenAh: This may sound a bit cheeky. But I’d say you’d have to 1) Find some places in your country where Euro / American / Anglo expats hang out, or are part of a decent NGO or volunteer organization, and make sure they’re not exploitative players, 2) Look into legitimate web sites that offer online IR dating (I have some links – see the top bar and side), 3) Venture out and travel / relocate to those countries, 4) Go overseas for schooling.

And avoid IM chatting and guys who seem too good to be true. They’re usually con artists.

Hope that helps.
foreverloyal
June 21st, 2012 @ 8:58 AM

I know how you feel. I haven’t blogged in almost a year, trying to decide where I want to go with it or if I will retire it permanently.

GoldenAh: It has been a while, hasn’t it? I don’t think I want to stop, so much as I wonder, “Should I talk about that at all?” When I think about it too much, then I end up not writing about anything. So when people come on and say they like what they read, I’m like, “Oh, so that’s okay? I’ll keep at it.”

I’d like this platform to allow me to just post pictures or do some simple posting like from my cell phone, but that’s such a hassle to setup and WP makes adding widgets / additional coding too much work. The setup / fix is never as simple as the instructions say.

Really great to hear from you, Foreverloyal.
MsMellody
June 21st, 2012 @ 8:13 PM

Here’s a topic;

How is it that three white girls are getting an entire summer CBS series about finding “the right one”. And Black women get to be the focus of a research project to find out how they have survived/muled their way through life for the benefit of the US Army and other services. The study is focusing on Black women’s survival in order to cull this info so that service member suicide issues can be addressed!!

How is that? How is it that Black women are yet still not getting the whole picture. How is that I still see Black women waddling down the street looking like they are smuggling the easter ham in their forearms..(just saw this this evening on my commute home ) and I just sat there and just stared at these women..trying to figure out what is so hard about portion control, counting carbs, and excercising – and a most important component – visit your endocrinologist and find out if you are insulin resistant…it will be a life saver.

Soooo, yeah how is it that these white girls are getting a series—and black women are being dissected by and for the US armed services..like mental guinea pigs..to be dissected, torn apart and thrown to the ash heap. Just like in Octavia Butler’s book stated..in the future ( we are there now ) people are going to be studied and USED for fuel, endentured (sp?) servitude, and discarded.

Just a thought. Google that topic “Black women being studied for suicide prevention for US service men” . Right now I am too tired to provide a link.

And Betty, thank you thank you for continuing to blog. And that story about that woman ” a cloud of sulphur and stinky perfume” had me laughing for days..seriously. I had a co-worker similar to this – keep up the good work of ignoring her, and keep up the great work with your health and weight. You are living the life you want and need to live, I applaud you!!

GoldenAh: Yeah, I’ve seen this topic in a few places, but wasn’t brave enough to actually read it. Since some people may be curious, I’ve got two links: 1) US Military Curb Suicides (w/ Black Women), 2) Are Black Women Key to Suicide Prevention?

Heh. I’d say black women commit suicide: methodically with a fork as opposed to the disruptive violence of others. It’s quiet suffering, this lifetime of self-harm, masked with sass and excessive pride about being at death’s door. And a lot of us deny deny deny that we’re killing ourselves this way, which makes it just as much, if not more, a crisis as someone blowing their brains out.

But as you’ve noted, no one sees us as people worthy of proper observation and research. I mean, why don’t those professional head shrinks seriously look at how we’re really doing? Because I’d say some malpractice is going on. We should NOT and CANNOT be anybody’s “guide dog” through life. Folks pretty much miss that we are very sensitive women who express our depression, misery and mental illness differently. All that talk about “high self-esteem” is misdirection. If we were evaluated properly, “experts” would realize we need as much assistance as, if not more than, everybody else.

Hey, but if they are truly seriously about black women helping white men not commit suicide, they should recommend they marry us. Both sides will benefit enormously from the relationship, since statistically we do get along best.

Always a pleasure, MsMellody. I thank you for your thought provoking additions.
MsMellody
June 22nd, 2012 @ 8:49 AM

Hi Betty!

Your response said it ALL!!- Particularly this;
” We should NOT and CANNOT be anybody’s “guide dog” through life. Folks pretty much miss that we are very sensitive women who express our depression, misery and mental illness differently.”

This said it so well – that feeling that I couldnt put into words..I am NOT anyone’s freaking service pup!!! How dare the US govt/arm services branch have sat around some board room table and even dared speak such vile language— let’s study those sassy black women. I mean how dare they put that statement on paper ( but in pc terms ) and even get financial backing to even undertake such a misguided/mysogynistic endeavor.

I am so insulted, and angry that this is even taking place. But I refuse to let it derail me or give it any type of time in my head or heart.

As a funny aside – here is something that I did with that co-worker of mine who sat around and literally clocked my every move, watched what I ate..and just was a nightmare to deal with. I would always bring my own lunch to work– one day as she had done for the weeks prior she was watching EVERY LITTLE THING I took out of my lunch bag. I began taking different lunch sacks to work ..just to piss her off even more. She was a woman who I visually saw consumed by jealousy of my shrinking frame ( imagine that!!!) so I would bring brightly colored lunch bags during summer and spring and darker/animal like print bags during the fall/winter.

This woman eventually couldnt take it anymore – she went out and got the stomach surgery to lose her weight..then you guessed it..over the next year or more she gradually put ALL the weight back on. THEN she slid up next to me one day in the cafeteria in a fit of exhaustion and we had a conversation finally. She admitted that she had said some nasty things about me, and even to me in the past. ANd that it was just like I had always said – “portion control & excercise of some kind”.

I eventually left that hell hole of a job, got married and went on to grad school..so I dont know what happened to this lady..but I never forgot how clear her jealousy was, fascination, observation etc of little ol plain me!!

Just like that sulphur cloud that clocks your moves, just keep it moving and keep up your beauty regimine!!

Take a look at the bags below. I love them.

http://freshvac.com/store/lunchpac-plus-pre

GoldenAh: Sounds like you had a similar type of nutcase. It’s been so many years since I met someone like that. Yeah, she was nuts too, but at least she didn’t stalk me. Hey, but as you’ve noticed, your ex-coworker’s eating problems was all about you and not her. That’s why some people cannot lose weight. They make it all about everyone else except the person in the mirror.

Those lunch bags are cute. I notice the fridge at the job is stocked with them. But I only use plastic bags from the grocery store, since I’m tossing out everything that’s left behind.

I use the malodorous one for motivation, ’cause whenever I see / smell that body waddling around, it kills my appetite. I eat what I like, but stick with a specific caloric intake. I also try to walk daily, esp. on weekend mornings.

Thank you for those kind word, MsMellody. The weather is nice and I want to look good and feel great.
MsMellody
June 22nd, 2012 @ 10:25 AM

Betty, loved your comment about ” recommending to white men the benefit of marrying us”.

No truer words have been spoken. Statistically bw/wm marriages thrive more than bm/ww marriages. And in a real sense of just how the real world works..take a look at this CNN review of the wealth gap widening.

Let us be real about life ladies , why hitch your wagon to a demographic male population that will be of little benefit to you.

http://money.cnn.com/2012/06/21/news/economy/wealth-gap-race/index.htm?iid=HP_MPM

GoldenAh: That’s what I’m talking about, if we’re going to be so beneficial to someone, why not a fair exchange and some reciprocity?
Eva
June 22nd, 2012 @ 11:51 AM

One of the reasons the white demographic does better economically is because many white people have inherited wealth, not because they work harder. No one likes to talk about inherited wealth but it exists.

I do agree that black women commit suicide by fork rather than by gun. From what I see, many black women deal with their issues by eating their pain away; emotional eating is no joke, it’s serious and it kills. Many of these women aren’t hungry when they stuff their face, their angry, frustrated, upset, scared and either can’t afford or don’t know where to go for help; and if they do find help, they have to deal with their communities telling them mess like, “black folk don’t go to therapy, that’s for white people.” It’s stupid, but people do say it.

GoldenAh: True. True.
FoxyCleopatra
June 22nd, 2012 @ 3:44 PM

@ Eva,

You said ‘One of the reasons the white demographic does better economically is because many white people have inherited wealth, not because they work harder. No one likes to talk about inherited wealth but it exists.’

I’m sorry but I have to call partial bs on this. Although I agree with you that inherited/generational wealth does play a part, it is not the MAIN reason for the wealth gap between blacks and whites. If that was the case, how do you explain the even greater gaps between blacks and Asians? What of between blacks and other immigrant groups? In America today, black kids growing up are the ONLY ethnicity that will be economically worse off than their parents. Although the study that found this out was done before the present economic situation. The study came out and black people were only willing to consider it as far as they were able to blame it on white folk/racism. The moment it was shown that black folks attitude to finances, education etc. played a much bigger part, all of a sudden, these black folks were no longer interested in taking a critical look at the study. Let us not pretend to ourselves that on average, the way whites and blacks spend their money is the same. A generation and a half ago, ‘inherited wealth’ (and racism) could be honestly cited as the main cause of the wealth gap. Today however, it is just a shameless excuse.

Also, I don’t believe it has anything to do with white people working harder. They do not. It just seems that too many black people are not interested in leaving a legacy behind. They seem more interested in being the ‘first black ______(insert achievement)’ and a pat on the back. Look at what blacks hold up as successes. It is mostly in sport or entertainment. What other group does this? None. Blacks generally DO NOT support black business but we want to blame racism when black businesses fail more frequently that non-black ones. Please miss me with that ish! Look at the frivolous nonsense that is sold to black people and black people still go ahead and buy it. It is not out of place to go to a working class or even downright ghetto black residential area and you will see expensive cars around the place. You will go into some of the houses and see 42” wide screen plasma/LCD tvs. You will see all sorts of gamestations and what have you. Yet this is in a household where nobody works and they depend on foodstamps to feed! Btw, I am not exaggerating or making this up. I have seen women who were left homeless because they could not afford basic rent yet were boasting about the weave on their head costing in excess of $600! What other racial/ethnic group do you see this kind of idiocy among? You will go to black neighbourhoods and all the shops are owned by Koreans or south Asians. These people then use this money from the black community to send their kids to ivy league colleges, yet the black fools are left scratching their heads wondering why the wealth gap is increasing. Single child-free black women earning a decent salary are still left with less than their white/Asian/Latino counterparts because she has so many leeches that choose to be dependent on her yet give nothing in return.
Lastly, considering the extreme prevalence of single-parent homes among blacks, we still want to pretend that this has no effect and it’s just ‘inherited wealth’. Come on!

GoldenAh: Times are very hard now – the competition for everything is fierce! Maybe in the past, black people were Ant-like, but culturally we’ve become Grasshoppers. Other groups seem to understand the value of thrift, savings, education, long term thinking and discipline, but I believe that’s been tossed aside in black culture. Even the churches have twisted thrift and savings into giving them all of your money and praying for change. Unless there is some kind of shift away from being a Grasshopper back to being an Ant, I don’t see any future where black people will be a strong, powerful and wealthy demographic. Soon they wont even want or care about our vote, since our population is shrinking as well.

I expect that over the next 20 years, maybe even tomorrow, black people will sink into the smallest and poorest group of all and stay there. Black culture is all bling and booty now, so I don’t expect any positive changes to happen.

Just as wealth is inherited, so is poverty.

For the ambitious, thrifty and disciplined among us, we’ll be looking at the future with clear vision and purpose outside of the “black community”.

Excellent points, FoxyCleopatra.
joan
June 23rd, 2012 @ 4:36 AM

God, the stuff you are discussing is so interesting! How come women in Africa do not give themselves the freedom to examine and openly discuss why they are fat or husband-less or having a husband (and a regular concussion) like Black American women do? Eva, are you saying that one some primal level, there is something ‘missing’(that sounds vaguely patronizing),in the make up of Black people’s emotions? Because, even though Blacks see that white people have money and wish to have the same, they do not have the CHARACTER in many cases to do what Whites do!To be very sincere with you, i think Black women give endlessly for the sake of preserving the company of those they are giving to.Sometimes its because they have no one else who is interested in talking to them save the leecher, and sometimes its because they have no sense of themselves. If you were never appreciated when growing up, or encouraged to appreciate yourself by your parents, it is so-o hard to make choices in adulthood that will leave you yet ALONE again.If you chase away all the leeches, sometimes you will be left alone to survive in a society that does not think you are all that…
MsMellody
June 23rd, 2012 @ 10:16 AM

Foxy Cleopatra!!! Foxy Cleopatra!!!

Your examination of Eva’s comment was so spot on until I am almost exhausted from cyber applauding you!!!!!!!!

Yes and Yes and Yes again to your main points;

You said ‘One of the reasons the white demographic does better economically is because many white people have inherited wealth, not because they work harder. No one likes to talk about inherited wealth but it exists.’

I’m sorry but I have to call partial bs on this. Although I agree with you that inherited/generational wealth does play a part, it is not the MAIN reason for the wealth gap between blacks and whites. If that was the case, how do you explain the even greater gaps between blacks and Asians? What of between blacks and other immigrant groups?
—–
Boom Boom and Booyah. Yes, what about this significant gap. Is it because the other immigrant groups NEVER EVER EVER use the black population’s lack of wealth/wealth accumulation as a template? That answer would be YES. The other immigrant groups TEACH, PREACH, and BELIEVE in DELAYED GRATIFICATION all the while building their group with education, sacriface, saving, non-anti social behavior praising, etc.

——–
In America today, black kids growing up are the ONLY ethnicity that will be economically worse off than their parents.

Although the study that found this out was done before the present economic situation. The study came out and black people were only willing to consider it as far as they were able to blame it on white folk/racism.
—-
This above is the favorite pacifying past time talk of large terribly misinformed groups of black folks.

——-

The moment it was shown that black folks attitude to finances, education etc. played a much bigger part, all of a sudden, these black folks were no longer interested in taking a critical look at the study. Let us not pretend to ourselves that on average, the way whites and blacks spend their money is the same.

—-

See my input on how/why those other groups of immigrants NEVER use the Black population as a template to success.

Also, it is a criminal shame to what level black folk are STILL stylin and profilin’ all the while never putting money aside/staying within normal behavior which would lead to better jobs/social connections and just spending themselves into GENERATIONAL poverty. The answer is not to sit up in church talking about GENERATIONAL curses..when you can take personal responsibility and change.
——
A generation and a half ago, ‘inherited wealth’ (and racism) could be honestly cited as the main cause of the wealth gap. Today however, it is just a shameless excuse.

Also, I don’t believe it has anything to do with white people working harder. They do not. It just seems that too many black people are not interested in leaving a legacy behind.
—–

They seem more interested in being the ‘first black ______(insert achievement)’ and a pat on the back.

Yes this is sooooo true! What about being able to know that you have set aside some form of wealth ( home ownership to begin with, adequate life insurance policy that will COVER burial AND leave income for your spouse/children , and last but certainly not least- wills!!!! Simple wills can be put together in a weekend, that spell out exactly your wishes. This is such a RESPECTFUL thing to do for your family…but alas many black people dont even have that simple concept of respect for self, let alone respect for final wishes – no matter WHAT THE SIZE of the assets a person leaves behind!! Yes its the law student in me speaking)
—–

Look at what blacks hold up as successes. It is mostly in sport or entertainment. What other group does this? None.
Yep!! NO OTHER GROUP DOES THIS…none.
The whites may use sports on the level of high school and college as a means to CONNECT and knit together a tight social network to move along and UP in the business world. HOWEVER, they DO NOT as a whole hitch their wagon and their family’s legacy to a bouncing ball…..

——

Blacks generally DO NOT support black business but we want to blame racism when black businesses fail more frequently that non-black ones. Please miss me with that ish! Look at the frivolous nonsense that is sold to black people and black people still go ahead and buy it. It is not out of place to go to a working class or even downright ghetto black residential area and you will see expensive cars around the place. You will go into some of the houses and see 42” wide screen plasma/LCD tvs. You will see all sorts of gamestations and what have you. Yet this is in a household where nobody works and they depend on foodstamps to feed!
—–

Okay Foxy Cleopatra I can second this assertion about the tv thing. I once worked for a social service agency teaching GED students. And from time to time I would have to “canvas” this agency’s community on the West side of my Midwestern city— to find my students. Yes, as in, talk them into coming back just to get their GED. ANd I have personally been in homes where I could barely get up the rickety wooden steps, holding on for dear life..praying that them damn steps and rail did not collapse. Step over piles of peeling paint, on the porch, empty as living room save for the 44″ plasma tv, with playstation, gamestation or whatever its called all hooked up…and all this while collecting food stamps and the house is falling apart all around.
——

Btw, I am not exaggerating or making this up. I have seen women who were left homeless because they could not afford basic rent yet were boasting about the weave on their head costing in excess of $600! What other racial/ethnic group do you see this kind of idiocy among? You will go to black neighbourhoods and all the shops are owned by Koreans or south Asians. These people then use this money from the black community to send their kids to ivy league colleges, yet the black fools are left scratching their heads wondering why the wealth gap is increasing.

—-
Oh sweet baby Jesus is this true!!!!!! I have personally seen this happen. Been in one of those stores and seen the daughter of one of these owners prance in wearing a Harvard t-shirt.

——–

Single child-free black women earning a decent salary are still left with less than their white/Asian/Latino counterparts because she has so many leeches that choose to be dependent on her yet give nothing in return.

Ooh my god, this is such a phenomenal issue to bring up again!! It is a poignant, bitter reminder to single women who may come here and read this. Remember that you can change your trajectory by changing your mindset, get rid of the fuzzy thinking concerning how REAL LIFE “woiks”!!!
———–
Lastly, considering the extreme prevalence of single-parent homes among blacks, we still want to pretend that this has no effect and it’s just ‘inherited wealth’. Come on!

Foxy Cleopatra!!!! This was the cannon blast at the end of the parade!! Yes, dear sweet Jesus yes. We want to continue to pretend that all these single parent households are making absolutely no effect what so ever!!! For real?

And single parent household is a solveable problem. Their is birth control, abortion, and abstaining UNTIL you have the marriage/resources/home ( and in that order ) to raise/house and feed children. Period.

It’s really so simple. Come on people, its NOT complicated. Come on!!!

GoldenAh: Have I ever expressed how much I adore you, MsMellody? (And the other ladies here too, don’t feel left out.)

I just want you to know I really appreciate it when you give feedback to the ladies here. I just love it. {{hugs}}

And I enjoy our discussions where we look at ourselves and ask, Why? Because the criticism does NOT stem from anger, contempt or disrespect. We just want to know: what are some of us doing right, and what are some of us doing wrong? Although a number of us would like to move up as a group (all black women or all black people) by joining some organization(s) to facilitate that progress, it is a tattered and frayed dream 35+ years later, which has to be examined critically, realistically and clinically.

The fact is individually BW – must move into the mainstream, socially integrate and not isolate ourselves, if we expect to continue moving forward and upward. In a nutshell, that is black women’s empowerment. But it is all about OUR issues, not about “black people”, the “black community” or “black men”. One of the things we always need to think about is that we’re not here to save anyone, but ourselves, and I know that’s tough, because black women have such a giving spirit. Yet, in the long run, that’s the only way we will survive….
joan
June 24th, 2012 @ 1:18 AM

I’d like to know what Black American women think about T D Jakes. Does he support the emancipation of the Black women like is represented in this site?

GoldenAh: I don’t have much of an opinion about him. I’m aware he’s written some books, articles and had a few movies come out, but I haven’t read / looked at anything he’s produced.
Eva
June 24th, 2012 @ 1:15 PM

@FoxyCleopatra:

I am kind of confused at your response to my post. I was saying that ONE of the reasons for the gap in society is inherited wealth; of course it’s not the only reason but if you don’t consider it, you’re not looking at the entire picture. If a parent can afford to pay their child’s college tuition that means they have no debt and are able to work to save for a down payment for a place to live; that’s what happened to me, when I got out of college I was nearly free and clear and what I did owe, I managed to pay out in a year on a very low salary (this was in the early 80′s). Also if a parent can afford to pay the down payment on their child’s home or condo, that means that person doesn’t have to deal with one of those sub prime loans.

However, the rest of your post was very true. I’m 52 and I have seen the generational mess of which you speak, people doing the same thing and wanting different results. I have seen too many Black people put all their eggs in one basket, care more about how things look than how they are. I have never had a hair weave nor a 44″ TV, not because I can’t afford it, but for me, what’s the point; I like my natural hair and my TV still works, when it breaks down, then I’ll get the best price for a new one. I don’t believe in paying full price for anything and I usually don’t.

I have seen those people you mention, ones who have no furniture but have a HUGE HD TV that, by the way, isn’t really paid for, I’ve seen people carry a balance of over $100 on their cable bills; I’ve seen people purchase brand new cars when a used car would have done just fine, but they were more concerned at what others would say than their own financial situation.

One of the reasons I have seen for crappy choices is that the people who make them really don’t think they can do any better. They believe the voices that have told them, “you can’t do ___, you’re Black.” I swim, I ice skate, I ski (not in a few years though); I’m not special, I know many black women who do all three things and more. But,I have met too many Black women who have been told that Blacks don’t swim/ski/what about your hair?/Can’t mess up that relaxer/weave/whatever.

So FoxyCleopatra, I’m not so off that I think inherited wealth is the ONLY thing that separates people, but it is one thing.
Andrea
June 25th, 2012 @ 4:51 PM

Hi GoldenAh! *waves* Glad you’re posting again. I always enjoy what you write. And I understand what working with people who want to make you fat is like. It can makes one’s work life very uncomfortable!

I had the same experience when I worked my first full-time job at 19, there was this middle aged, WW supervisor who would bring fattening food every single day — take out pizza, home made brownies and cheese cake — and try to bully me into eating them, despite the fact that I brought my own lunch from home. She didn’t seem to care if anyone else ate her treats, but behaved as if her life depended on my eating these nutritionally deficient foods. I have no idea what this middle aged White woman felt she would gain from me becoming fat, but it was really creepy.

My mother told me, “Don’t eat ANYTHING that woman gives you! She may be trying to poison you.” She didn’t have to worry about that. I was raised to never accept food from anyone who was not a very close and trusted relative. Both my parents had horror stories about people they knew “down South”, who were poisoned by jealous relatives, friends and strangers.

In my personal life, I have only gotten this behavior from a few fat relatives but, thankfully, I only have a handful of relatives who are overweight. And since they know how I was raised, they aren’t aggressive about it.

This type of boundary violating behavior, that only seems to be directed at BW and no one else, needs to stop.

GoldenAh: You used the magic word: bully. That’s what it’s all about. Folks make the mistake of thinking that being amiable means you have no sense of self and they can push you around. Being quiet and easygoing is not the same as being a pushover. Alas, they always find out too late.

Food offerings have their time and place: like an invite to a party or barbeque.

Plus, grown women need to stop acting like they are back in grade school or junior high and they can corral others into their homemade patchwork clique of miserable bloated BFFs. Not gonna happen!

Great story, Andrea, nice to hear from you as well.
Andrea
June 25th, 2012 @ 5:02 PM

I also wanted to let you know that I have started my own blog and hope that all you ladies will stop by sometime soon to read what little I’ve written so far.

Hope you don’t mind my leaving a link Golden. If you do, please delete it and I apologize, if I’m over stepping.

My blog is here: http://blackfemaleculture.wordpress.com/

This is my first blog and I’m not sure if I’m even doing it right. So, your opinions and advice are welcome.

GoldenAh: Link away. And good for you. Hope everyone stops by and visits your blog. I’ll add it to my blog list roster.
Ragnar Rokk
June 25th, 2012 @ 6:16 PM

Been reading your blog for a year.
Glad your found your writinglust.
Really like your popculturalpost. Thats the way I found Black Keyes, and read about series that may come om tv.

We dont expect your dollars so just chill. They print euro like crazy down in blackhairland.

I give you something to think about.
So you cant have an non-working car on your driveway or grow a garden? So much for the land of free.
http://www.shtfplan.com/headline-news/gov-criminalizes-self-reliance-womans-survival-garden-seized-and-destroyed-by-authorities_06192012

And food is the new oil. Forget gasprice.
Why are your pres. trowing the kid of america under the bus just to get illegale/latinovotes?
And familyowned farms gets more expensive to run. This would not fly in europe. Big gov. comming at you.
http://offgridsurvival.com/fedspreventkidsfarming/

http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/25/rural-kids-parents-angry-about-labor-dept-rule-banning-farm-chores/2/

GoldenAh: Hello, Ragnar Rokk. (I like this name.) I love the Black Keys. Completely different vibe and sound from the regurgitated crap that usually hits the Top 40. You remind me that it’s been a while since I put up some YouTube music clips. I didn’t think anyone cared for them, so I had stopped. I enjoy Korean dramas, so I have to get around to writing about some I find interesting.

Our local govts are drunk with dictatorial-like powers. The odd thing is that they are able to get away with these unconstitutional laws / statutes unless they are thrown out of office, the laws are changed or they are sued and it goes to State or Federal Courts. They should know better, but politicians love bossing around people too much when they forget they’re supposed to work for us.

Honestly, I feel Pres. Obama has nothing but contempt and disdain for black people. And the majority of black voters are women. As you say, he’s done everything for all those other groups, except black people. I DO NOT expect him to. We’re just supposed to be overjoyed and grateful that he’s our “first” black President. Other groups make a politician work to solve some of their issues, but black folks just stand around and talk about how we owe this guy our vote. Don’t expect any political sophistication on our part. It doesn’t exist.

Okay, I’ll stop now….

And thank you so much for de-lurking and leaving a comment, Ragnar Rokk.
Andrea
June 27th, 2012 @ 2:14 AM

@Ragnar Rokk
What happened to that woman in Tulsa is absolutely despicable! And the poor man who was driven to suicide in California. smh.

I think the U.S. government wants to make it’s citizens dependent so that they can abuse us at their leisure. Kind of the way abusive husbands will seek to prevent their wives from working or having friends. You’d think, with the economy the way it is, they’d be glad there were people not applying for food stamps and trying to make it on their own.

They must really feel threatened by the idea of citizens not needing them. But I think the power company was behind forcing off-griders to reconnect to their grid. However, the government does get a pretty sizeable cut from utilities. Nearly half my Con-Ed bill is taxes.

GoldenAh: Just wait until the Obamacare Tax kicks in. I cannot see this government resist using that opportunity to raise that tax sky-high. There will be no limit, since it’s for our own good.

Andrea, you’ve said something I speak about with my folks all the time. We’ve got a government (state local fed) that under the pretense we are ALL helpless stupid children will be forbidden from drinking too much soda, eating too much salt, growing our own food, and trying to make money in the remaining ways that are still legal.

If government is working to cut off all means of us supporting ourselves, what’s left? Wouldn’t that make us slaves of the state? These politicians forget we are their bosses, but I think the voting population has forgotten this as well.
Oshun
June 29th, 2012 @ 11:24 PM

Hi Betty.

Glad to see you back. I hope you are feeling a bit better.

@everyone
Remeber when I posted at Khadija’s about Marjorie Newlin and Ernestine Shepard and how beat their bodies were? There were in their 70′s 80′s respectively.

Well I have 2 more: Dee Lazard 64 and Wendy Ida 57.

I don’t think I can post links but goggle them. Why are they all post menopausal and have 6 packs and no cellulite?

I think I know who I want to be when I grow up.

GoldenAh: Thank you, Oshun. I allow myself to get all sad, weak and weepy when the occasion calls for it. No “strong black woman” here.

Ah, I remember reading about an 80 year old woman bodybuilder who took down a mugger over in Venice Beach, Ca. Awesome.

I find even a little bit of weightlifting helps, I love it, but I can’t get over to the gym yet. I definitely agree with you, those ladies are my she-roes.
Oshun
June 30th, 2012 @ 9:49 AM

Male birth control is on the horizon. I wonder if this will make the men more responsible?

It is a reversible gel.

care2-dot-com/causes/reversible-birth-control-on-the-horizon-for-men- dot-html

GoldenAh: Will it make men more responsible? If the man is already responsible, and he really doesn’t want children, I’m sure he may use it. Although I suspect that women will never be able to let their guard down and will / must use their own BC product as well.
MsMellody
July 1st, 2012 @ 12:21 PM

To GoldenAh, Thank you so much for your kind words. Your blog is welcome respite for us bw who truly understand what time it is.

Thanks for pointing out in such refreshing terms the importance of letting go..just letting go. Letting go of the bc mentality, issues and morays (sp?), just thank you Betty for these free form posts.

And like I said before – so very glad your feeling better, and that you are still posting.

Take your time, your readers will still be here when you are ready to post!!

Take care.
Ragnar Rokk
July 1st, 2012 @ 5:45 PM

@GoldenAh That Black Keys video got me in to indie rock. That was something i did not listen to before.

Back to Tulsa. Denise Morrison get alot of coverage like in treehugger.com and prisonplanet.com http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRbKncJrvGs&feature=plcp from 7.00min in.

So looked at naacp and there is nothing. NaacpFacebook is loaded on stop and friskposting. And you see all the pics of elderly women saying why they are members since back in the stone age.

Dumb question, but dont they as a 500K member union have a woman branch?
Why dont they jump on her case?
Because its not racially profiling? Or maybe she is a member, but dont want to be of burden? Thinking its not a big deal as a Travon demonstation.
But I fund this http://www.naacp.org/blog/entry/give-dad-a-gift-membership-this-fathers-day Funny, and there is one for mothers day or?

We nonblack have our own problems so if naacp fails the blacks are on your own.
But since this is a case of local govt on a power trip we care. As we could be the next victim.

@birth control.
None are more effective than thinking of paying child support. Seen that wreck men after divorce. But then you have to work for your own money.

And your in a designer jeans country artists video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xXD9-1mLBY

GoldenAh: I have to be honest and say that I don’t know what purpose the NAACP serves anymore. When it was started the only black member was W.E.B. DuBois. Over the past 20 to 30 years, that organization has had many people try to reform it. We’re talking about exemplary professionals with solid corporate backgrounds or a stellar civil rights legacy, and maybe one or two loud mouth radicals. Yet, next to none of these former leaders succeeded in reshaping that organization.

The reasons for the failure(s) are many. The main one might be because each branch is actually independent from the national headquarters down in Baltimore, MD (at least I think that’s where it is). It has over 50+ members on its board (last I heard). And no one is willing to leave! So imagine trying to get something done with elderly people still reminiscing about the past (who refuse to change), dealing with impatient young people focused on social issues, along with dozens of other problems (like money). End result is an organization trying to be everything to everyone.

Also, the NAACP really only has two agendas: get people to vote for Democrat politicians (in order to receive govt funding), and rally on behalf of recidivist black males. I cannot think of anything else they focus on. Although the majority of the members may be female – if a black woman joins a “civil rights organization” – the sun rises and sets on black male issues. Because black people = black men. So, no, there wont be any focus on black women’s issues. Most black women don’t even seem aware that they have issues separate from black males. And to get a lot of them to that point may take a lifetime.

Hence, you got these blogs that talk about BWE (black women empowerment), because structured organizations are time consuming, time wasting and folks end up chasing their own tails. I think I prefer the simplicity of people agreeing to an agenda, working on it for a period of time, disbanding and moving onto something else – like temporary emergency triage.

Sorry about the novel….
Oshun
July 2nd, 2012 @ 12:13 AM

@Goldie
Good for taking care of yourself. It is essential.

@Ragnar
I read about Ms. Morrison. I didn’t know whether to cry or scream. She knew she would have no income soon so she did her best to provide for herself. I don’t understand how those animals could do that to her.

As far as the naacp. They don’t care about what happens to BW.
Oshun
July 2nd, 2012 @ 2:28 AM

In addition to there being an almost 90% oow rate in some inner cities now -they are saying that the rate of new “agnes infections” (and you know what I am talking about) among bw has doubled in the past 3 years.

Can bw just stop having sex with bm already!?

And I have a story that kind of ties into this. My mother has a friend who has a brother who is dying of cancer. The type of cancer he has is fatal.

This is supposed to be a “good bm” nice guy™. Dude is a doctor of all things, home owner etc. No children unmarried…he is 50-60. His sister (who is also not wrapped too tight) said that she was disgusted by what she saw at the hospital. That all of these women have come out of the woodwork that he was screwing.

Everything from hoodrat, to crackhead, to professional women. He even has women coming in from out of state. Many of these women had no idea that the others existed. So there were altercations at the hospital over the old, tired, raggedly dying negro.

My mother and her friend sigh and agree that this is no way for anyone to live. I am thinking due is a doctor and he is old as hell and yet he could have been transferring agnes infections everywhere.

Can bw just stop having sex with bm already?!

And so now he dies. With no legacy to leave – no family, no children, no wife who will really care for him in the even that he needs pallative care – as his sister says that she can’t even bear to see him in this state- so her doing hospice care is probably out of the question.

I just hope none of these dumb broad bw fawning over him will take on this burden without compensation.

Can bw just stop having sex with bm already?!

GoldenAh: I met a BM like that many many years ago. He was very sneaky, because he sent me a picture of himself when he was big, buff and healthy. I took someone along with me when I went to meet him. To say I was shocked at his condition is putting it mildly. He was sooo sickly and looked so pitiful – I cried for him long after I left (and NEVER went back). Oshun, I never knew human beings could have such self-loathing and be so bloody selfish on top of it. So, now after these BM have wrung the life out of themselves, they expect some black woman to play nursemaid. Black women have got to stop spoiling their sons and start raising them. ‘Cause they got these negroes thinking that all black women are there to serve them. And these guys are garbage by time they finally “mature” at the rip old age of 55.

I’m sure one of those chicks will line up to “heal” that sick doctor. Cynic that I am I bet they’ll even try to get a baby out of the arrangement, esp.if the man has any assets. Although the healthcare bills could eat up most of them.
Believer
July 2nd, 2012 @ 11:28 AM

“In addition to there being an almost 90% oow rate in some inner cities now -they are saying that the rate of new “agnes infections” (and you know what I am talking about) among bw has doubled in the past 3 years.
Can bw just stop having sex with bm already!?”

Oshun this right here is very powerful. When I first learned about the gender gap between black women and men and that black women were so eager to keep it within the race,I knew that was the reason for the high HIV rate amongst black women. If you have a few men and so many women, more than likely the men are going to take advantage of the field and sleep with multiple women. Any woman who sleeps with such a guy, is indirectly sleeping with all the other women he had sex with prior to her. Thats the number one way HIV spreads, multiple partners.

I kinda put this to bed along time,ago when I heard one black men say that black women need to stop blaming them for the high HIV rates; but I knew something was up.
Oshun
July 2nd, 2012 @ 9:32 PM

i just read an article that Evia posted a link to about this BM seeking “others”. I was struck by this quote:

“I’m not going to a party in Georgetown if I’m unemployed and don’t have the economic means to be in that social sphere.”

Ok so he knows that he has to have himself correct financially when he approaches a WW. And yet BW are browbeaten into

1. helping a brother out
2. paying or going dutch for dates
3. not expecting any kind of financial help whatsoever or else that is golddigging
4. Expecting anything of a BM

So this means that they know- they know- they know better. They just truly hate BW.

I know this is one guy and one quote, but this is just taking me to the edge – particularly since I got the golddigging brainwashing.

He is openly saying WW/nonBW I understand that I must prepare myself to elevate you and take care of you.

But no dice for BW.

Can BW stop having sex with BM already?!
Oshun
July 2nd, 2012 @ 9:34 PM

@Believer

I still don’t get why the steady increase in both stats though. It seems like BW would have gotten a clue by now.
MsMellody
July 4th, 2012 @ 1:23 PM

Hi All!! Happy 4th of July!!

Here is a topic really worth discussing Betty;

http://gawker.com/5923174/being-poor-in-america-is-increasingly-illegal

Being poor in America is Increasingly Illegal!

Wow, what a headline. I read this yesterday and wanted to pass this along to especially the ladies that come here and read.

Please be aware that if you are a young lady and you meet or mingle with jail birds-ex jail birds – nare do wells and the like please be put on notice that their “nare do wellness” has innumerable ways of rubbing off on you.

All the young ladies who are unsure about the eventuality of this march toward “peace walls” better get sure real quick. The divisions between peaceful, calm quiet communities in which you can live in and raise healthy children will continue to broaden.

What I want to point out in this article is that the mingling and connecting yourself to a person who has legal offenses on his record will cost you dearly.

And yes, I know that the majority of us who read these blogs are actually the women who have indeed moved on…but we know that we all have relatives who are still apart of that abc crew. And yes, we ( read MsMellody) have not spoken to these relatives for years…but always take note of articles like this and others. They always make us ( read me ) copy and paste them into emails and blogs and send them out in the hopes that the younger women…who may be on the fence so to speak will read and get FURTHER proof of the need to change.

Just a thought.
Mikey Tandino
July 5th, 2012 @ 3:24 PM

https://www.facebook.com/events/383693355026869/

Look at this dumb mess. Its always what can Black women do for Black men.

“Ladies come find out once and for all… “What Black Men Want and Need From Their Women”

Like anyone cares. You should see all the chumps lined up to go… Its never the reverse. They can all go die with the foolishness.
MsMellody
July 6th, 2012 @ 9:19 AM

To Mikey;

No offense Mikey, but I for one do not want to even hear about an event like this.

But since you posted it I will comment from my angry-place-of-disappointment-that-not-enough black-women-have-gotten-the-clear-and-obvious message-that-it-is-past-time-to-move-on.

Not having Faceplacebook has saved me many an hour to read and enjoy life…the younger women out there may be hooked into Faceplace or Facebook or whatever..so maybe they have come across this event.

Nonetheless – I refuse to believe that there is more than a few black women who are actually lining up to show black men that they are STILL waiting and waiting..and letting their youth dry and wither waiting for…the black man who DOESN’T want to be with a black woman.

Insanity.
Oshun
July 6th, 2012 @ 8:01 PM

@MsMellody

I was thinking how reverse and perverse that is. In most communities they instruct men on how to “get” women. Yes, there is cosmo and the like talking about how to make yourself more attractive and alluring…but this stuff from the bc is just too extra.
MsMellody
July 7th, 2012 @ 8:23 AM

Oshun !! Thanks you hit the nail on the head with the ” too extra” comment.

So true. Just too extra for me.

Don’t get me started on how a**backward this is. Like I said earlier..I dont have the Faceplace thing ( notice how I am comically referring to that social media behemoth..lol ) anyway..I don’t have Faceplace..but I can readily bet that the organizers of this little fete..are charging an entrance fee/sign up fee or wait for it..wait for it..are selling books at the back table at this event!! LOL LOL I am actually laughing out loud at this okey doke to yet AGAIN …take money from fuzzy thinking uninstructed groups of Black women.

Sad, and “too extra”.

And yes Oshun, in normal communities men go out and “get” the women folk…but it goes without saying how twisted and too extra this continued okey doke really REALLY is.
Oshun
July 7th, 2012 @ 9:30 AM

@MsMellody,

I actually wanted to say more than that, but honestly didn’t know how to without coming off as highly offensive.

I am not- nor have even been on facebook because of their privacy issues. I also closed down all my google accounts for the same reasons. I am debating on my Twitter/LinkedIN accounts, but have them just so I can have some social media connects – for job/career purposes. But if one reads their privacy policies etc.. you will find that they will aggregate your information (including location and whatever else they can mine from your computer, surfing habits) and sell it or distribute it to all tarnation.

I can’t deal with the lack of ethics, lack of privacy, and control over your own info. So I applaud you for not having an account on Facebook. Not only is it a waste of time – unless there is some legit activism going on- but the privacy violations they regularly engage in are ridiculous. You made a wise choice.

But back to the event and my non wanting to be offensive. I have to turn my tongue and fingers around a million times. What I said was a clean way of saying that BW who participate in such garbage are othering themselves. They are willingly going into the “unwoman” category, by even validating this B.S.

Yes, they are going to get hustled and they will probably be charged an entrance fee with lots of books and t-shirts for sale afterwards… so they are complicit and financing their own marginalization. All bad and again for emphasis – the crux is that men do the pursuing and “get” women.

So you have a bunch of women who are going to look at a bunch of effeminate Black men (because the roles are reversed here – and yet BW won’t let a man be a man) sitting on a a stage while listening to these men tell them a bunch of “advice” that will never benefit them and more than likely sets them up to be exploited by other men.

Thus, maintaining the status quo for all BM – which results in BW being disappointed and empty handed and uncared for and unprotected etc.

This also further reinforces that there is something inherently wrong with BW (othering) bc they are not like other women and they need special help and techniques to fix themselves as women in order to “get” [another masculine behavior] and keep a BM.

This is just too sick. And BM are ok with being seen as feminine and disempowered and incompetent and not like other men because they have the white man pity party going on right now – so apparently the benefits of being seen as so helpless and screwed outweigh the negatives.

Except when they don’t and then they want to beat, rape, maim, and murder BW and children – to feel powerful.

I am also sure that all the men on the stage will choose women from the audience to exploit at each and every event. Because they know that the women are desperate – and rightfully so as no other group of women in the history of earth has ever been asked to do without proper male support and companionship and the women will offer themselves willing because their guard will be down, they are eager, and they think this is a good BM. And that includes the already married panelists who are looking for extra/side/ puss as well.
MsMellody
July 7th, 2012 @ 3:40 PM

Oshun!! Pow and Kazam !!!!

That was an awesome response absolutely awesome!

You said it sooooo well. And this summed it up in totality- ” they are complicit and financing their own marginalization”.

You know what..we ( readers and commenters at blogs like this and other places of bwe/common sense ) have commented and know all about stuff like this..and have discussed it over and over and infinitum!!

How about this. Its as simple as looking at yourself, determine what you like in life, going after that life in it’s entirety.

Here is a good example of a black woman who met her husband while INVOLVED with a mountain climbing event by her university’s business club. They met while climbing Mt.Kiliminajaro.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/01/fashion/weddings/damali-brown-william-bond-weddings.html?_r=2&ref=weddings

Now, I ask you good reader – what kind of connection would you foretell for those sad/misinformed/desperate black women that are going to turn out in droves….the all female singles ministry from all the Baptist churches, the girlfriends from the beauty shop where all the fliers for this event have been handed out, the women who heard about it from the pin up board at the laundromat, the friends who hit the club and got a cardstock heavy weight hand out about the event..you know the usual suspects will show up…..and the beat will go on.

BUT – for those of us who know better are headed out to the “Dance(fill in your city’s name here ) Event”..you know the one where everybody learns new dance moves, at the outdoor music venue downtown. Or any other running club, jogging club, Aliance Francais event, language learning club event etc.

Thanks Oshun again – for that closing line about the married panelists that you could so easily envision filling the stage. That was hilarious—but painfully true!!!
Ragnar Rokk
July 10th, 2012 @ 8:22 PM

@Oshun.
So the Naacp dont have a women branch. Thats crazy. Every organization I know got a branch or the women will lose interest in the cause/fight.

Everyone know that its the women that runs the community in both Africa and the US.
Not sure if you know, but many white(men) place bw over bm. You got an upper hand to use if you want.

You need to coup the organization, and get rid of the male leaders that no non-black take serious.
If the leaders are a joke your not getting anywhere.
Thats serious potential for a push in black women rights.
shame
July 15th, 2012 @ 10:33 PM

You sound like a bitch, seriously. You’re not going to get ANY man to marry you with such a nasty, stuck up attitude.

GoldenAh: What is it with you mouth breathing, lips-move-when-you-reading morons that don’t understand the desire to CHOOSE our own mates, fates, friends and company?

Who the hell are you people? Affirmative Action is not a mandate that we all must associate with one another.

You do not have the right to tell any black woman who she may and may not accept into her treasured being, aura, personal space or company.

You are not entitled to jack.

This is an exclusive club. And you have your animals mixed up. Lions run together in a pride. We have PRIDE over here. A hyena – with a penis and vagina – such as yourself would not and cannot understand what’s going on here.

So be gone. Stop stinking up the place. {{Spraying air freshener}}
Ragnar Rokk
July 18th, 2012 @ 9:37 PM

@GoldenAh
It is me that should feel sorry for making you write that novel. Was worth the read anyway.

We are only 5mill people so its easy to get going compared to the big US.
I was multitasking on the net as I type before I went to Wikipedia to read up.

It became to big, and are now serving as a wallet for a handful of people. You even got the jew that pulled the puppet strings on Jesse Jackson in 2000 to divide. Easy to understand that organization is a dead end.

J. Jackson are world wide known as the face of the “black America”(even if he is not the Naacp leader I have just learned now) and also for doing a bad job at representing. And we that dont know the back story wonder why it continue.

So many focus groups are formed now for everyone that got an agenda. The latins are on the march, and even the first nations in Canada/US are forming alliances on the net. And white people begin lose faith in the induvalist life style. The youth are in front.
Happens more over in Europe too. The young ones have had 4 years of adjusted hope of a future no one imagined in 2007. And when will it be over? So the group thinking are slowly sinking in.
It will be exiting in the near future.

What I write down further you can remove, or use for yourself. Its a movie catering to men.

Dont know if your in to action b-movies and straight to dvd. Or Punisher, but I got exited after finding this.
http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/07/16/punisher-comic-con-thomas-jane/#disqus_thread

I used to laugh at the concept of comic super heroes as a boy until I watched Dolph Lundgrens Punisher movie that came in 1989. It circulated between the boys as a blurry VHS.

So I rented The Punisher starring Thomas Jane in 2004. Not ashamed to say it delivered. I got everything I wished for. Was more cartoon on film than real grit, but dont care as Thomas played a man I could believe in.

So just discovered that Thomas Jane made this 10 minute tribute to the character by himself as a more real life grit.

SPOILER ALERT.

It is a real work of art. Be warned as it is violent and gore. The head dunk sound transplants to a spine chilling.
And it touches on the subject of interfering or walk on by. Its not his hood or friends or fight. The dialogue in the store filled with anger.

And I can relate. The more alien the environment and or people the more you hesitate to get involved.
And if you interfere will you save a victim or will you end up one self? As there are stories of Samaritans that end up dead, and even victims joining the attacker in confrontations.

But the ending get you pumped up.

GoldenAh: I really don’t mind answering a question about things going on over here if I have some info. on it. If I don’t know, one of the ladies may take it up. As you can see they do an excellent job of analysis, providing links and information.

No matter how much I criticize and complain about the USA. I think it is the most amazing and awesome country in the world. (American chauvinism on display here.)

Dolph Lundgren made a version of Punisher? Oh my. He used to be so hot.

Yeah, I saw the Thomas Jane version of Punisher. It reminded me of a few other films. Not bad. My recollection of it is hazy.

Wow. I realize I haven’t seen a major movie in a long time… Maybe I’ll see if I can muster up enough interest to see this last Batman flick.
Andrea
July 18th, 2012 @ 10:35 PM

@GoldenAh
What nerve! Coming here to call you out of your name, and for no rational reason. The one thing I hate about the internet is how some people think it’s okay to be uncivil just because they’re anonymous. It’s cowardly!

GoldenAh: A struck dog hollers: buried deep in one of those comments somebody felt put on blast. There was a whole lot of “You talkin’ ’bout me” outrage there. Hilarious.
Alexis
January 1st, 2013 @ 11:30 AM

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MsMellody
February 7th, 2013 @ 12:31 PM

Yes I am still ringing the bell about whats going to be happening in the future. Because? Why not!! Why not talk amongst my fellow bw about what is going on in the future…the very near future.

As we have all been aware this is the technology REVOLUTION years that we all have been living..remember when the next new thing was the fax machine…remember when the next new thing was the Walkman?…seems just like yesterday and at the same time ancient history right?!!

Well we have talked about how the future will bring space travel and all those requirements ( the need to lose the weight, the need to be seen as a VALUABLE addition to the collective, the need to be connected in a genuine way with the culture(s) that value NORMAL uplifting values)to the forefront.

Here is my latest reading in that area. The space suit required for working on Mars. One day we will have outposts on other planets. First the pioneers the scientist studying the viable outposts…then the tourists (private citizens) !!!

http://spaceindustrynews.com/mits-next-mars-space-suit/1563/

GoldenAh: I feel like this country is about 25-30 years behind where we should be when it comes to space travel. I love the Internet / Technology age, but getting robots to do more, advances in AI, moving at faster speeds to travel and getting out into space is where the future lies. If someone built a moon colony, oh heck yes, I would go there!! That would be a vacation that is truly out of this world.

Who wouldn’t want to get off this damn planet once in a while?

I hear you on this subject, MsMellody.
Oshun
February 9th, 2013 @ 12:09 PM

@Ragnar Rokk

I missed your comment…

“So the Naacp dont have a women branch. Thats crazy. Every organization I know got a branch or the women will lose interest in the cause/fight.”

No it doesn’t and I am shocked, but not shocked that other orgs do. Again this shows how far out of line with other cultures BW are. You statement says its a given that women of other groups expect for their needs to be met and the men of those groups know that and make accommodations. This is reciprocity in action and shows that those women are valued.

“Everyone know that its the women that runs the community in both Africa and the US.
Not sure if you know, but many white(men) place bw over bm. You got an upper hand to use if you want.”

Wow. I guess that explains the hate campaign from most BM against BW. Spreading poison far and wide.

“You need to coup the organization, and get rid of the male leaders that no non-black take serious.
If the leaders are a joke your not getting anywhere.
Thats serious potential for a push in black women rights.”

The only thing with that is that there are generations of other BW who will not go for that. They see themselves as attached to BM and feel that they must protect them. Even though they suffer as a result of their attitudes and actions.