Coming Out of the Closet: I Lust After Asian Men

{{Glances furtively over shoulder. Proceeds to type slowly and cautiously.}}

I’ve been harboring a big secret, but this is only between you and me. Okay?

Jeremy Lin

With the trading of Jeremy Lin – to Houston! – I’ve finally snapped. I feel like I’ve been teased and played by the Knicks. They get you thinking, “Yeah, maybe he’ll stay around. He’s looking better than ever. Maybe something special will happen… It’s happened before.”

I feel like I was waiting for the call about a 2nd date that never came.

Jeremy Lin was the only reason I was interested in the Knicks again. The team was looking good. Like an old boyfriend that’s put on 20 lbs of muscle, making more money at a better job and rocking that supa-fly Clark Kent look.

Instead, he turns out to be same ol’ guy in a different suit with the same ol’ stinking attitude. Loser!


So, I’ve said I watch Korean Dramas for the “quality” of the shows.

I lied.

I only watch if the guys are smoking hot, otherwise, “Meh”. And these shows almost always guarantee a half naked man (usually showering) the first couple of episodes. All nicely tanned, muscular and tall actors. I don’t know the height of the average Korean male, but some of the guys they use are rather big. (Any man over 6’0″ to me is big.)

Wish I could do the casting call for those programs. Hey, I’d be happy to hang around and teach the guys conversational English. πŸ˜‰

I also like how the male actors don’t seem to go whole-hog the racial-mutilation-surgery route. They still look normal. Whereas a lot of the female actresses look downright scary, if not creepy from too much plastic surgery.

LifeStyle of the AfroAsiaphile

This is not a late development for me. I’ve been attracted to (and dated) Asian guys all of my life, and the attraction has been mutual. I’ve lived in neighborhoods and attended schools that had everybody. Now, I don’t make any specific distinctions between South Asians or those from the Far East. I don’t pretend to be a cultural curator where I know enough to be some kind of authority.

So, I’m someone who whenever I attend Asian culture events, I sit back, chill, and let ’em tell me what’s what.

The thing is – in a lot of places where black people are – they are there as well. I’ve met Asians who are from Jamaica, Trinidad, Panama, European countries, Canada (such a foreign place), and I suppose wherever else you can imagine. I’ve met my share of Asian / black offspring since I was child, usually the result of a black mother / Asian father. For me, blacks and Asians being together in community is no big deal. Never was.


So, what is it that I lust after find attractive about Asian men?

Well, first and foremost it’s their “Good Hair”, of course. Nothing beats running your hands through such thick, silky, curly or straight hair. Mmmm. Sooo erotic. Once I bury my hand in there, it’s not coming out!

Ever really looked at their eyes? Some Asian men have eyelashes to die for. Women are out there spending billions to get their eyelashes on point, while these guys seem unaware they have such a beautiful fringe. I think it’s a shame when they get that eyelid operation. Something that unique should be celebrated. It makes the men look sexy. Dare I say, exotic? And I don’t consider that a bad word.

Although Asian men come in variety of hues – I seriously dig the golden tan to dark brown shades. Delicious. Especially on a buff body. Hmmm. Even though blacks and Asians share similar complexions, it’s not exactly the same, a lot of us seem to have red undertones (which is just as lovely don’t get me wrong).

I love the vibrant colors and jewelry that South Asian women use for special events. Just awesome. I have a few items I’ve worn on occasion.

They love to party and dance as hard as we do. And arrive just as late.


I have been warned by Asian women that the Good Guy behavior of Asian men is sometimes just for show. I believe it’s because men will unconsciously behave better with women that aren’t a part of their group. Girlfriends (of all races) have always been real with me about how their men treat them, so I’m not one to write with rose colored glasses on.

However, I am awed and sometimes surprised at the kindness of Asian men. In my eyes, they exhibit another form of male generosity and masculinity that I enjoy.

What do I mean? Behavior that exceeds general courtesy. They have and will, whether I ask them for something, or not, if they know me some, will go out of their way to get me that item(s), assist or do me a favor(s). It’s wonderful, because they do not have this attitude that you will or should owe them something. Even profuse thanks seem to make them uncomfortable. It’s so adorable.

And hot.

I’m writing this in order to leave a favorable impression of non-black men with regards to their behavior towards black women (in this case, myself). Since I’m usually not one to put up my personal life in detail. My goal is to show that there are men of other races who do LIKE us, will TREAT us well, and make GREAT friends and lovers.

I love the idea of an Asian husband. Always have. Of course, it has to be whether we get along. And I know family carries a ton of weight in these relationships, so I don’t tread lightly.

Like / Love Who You Want To

People love to cite stats to make us feel unattractive or unwanted, but they’re working too hard at it. Remember that we are outliers: a tiny groupΒ  – IR minded, adult, educated black women living in the West – within a racial minority, and those relationship stats will always reflect that. Don’t ever linger on them. They’re irrelevant.

So, I say all this to tell black women to look at all men, and ignore anyone who tries to make you feel less than.

Only the man that is interested in YOU can tell you why he’s attracted. No one else can.

… and some of the finest men I’ve ever laid eyes on and dated were Asian. πŸ˜€

{{Sighs with relief. Wanders off to watch latest KDrama.}}


29 thoughts on “Coming Out of the Closet: I Lust After Asian Men”

  1. Aahh…Nice!

    I find Asian men attractive, as well. I love their commitment to family (though they frequently go “overboard”), and I think they would set a good example of manhood for my sons. AM and WM are my FAVES! It’s nice to give Asian guys a “shout out”, for a change.

    GoldenAh: Next stop, Latinos! πŸ˜€

    The things I hear that they do for their families, fill me with awe. Yeah, overboard is right. Some of these guys literally work themselves to an early death, but it’s because they want better for their kids. Can’t blame them.

    I always thought I was giving Asian men props on the sly, but I figure a post just for them alone would be nice.

    Thanks for stopping by, Formavitae.

  2. Thank you so much for this. I wish more black women felt this way. I’ve felt that way since 1965 (no, I am NOT kidding when I say this)

    “So, I say all this to tell black women to look at all men, and ignore anyone who tries to make you feel less than.

    Only the man that is interested in YOU can tell you why he’s attracted. No one else can.”

    Cosign this all the way! Black women, look at ALL MEN, regardless of race.

    GoldenAh: Okay, I can’t go back that far. But around High School is where I started. πŸ™‚

    We deserve happiness in the arms of a good man, regardless of race. Who says we shouldn’t? Do we believe God loves us as much as everyone else?

    Thank you for your comments, Eva.

  3. Hi Betty!
    We linked this post on our new Facebook page and in a few hours hundreds of women have read this story and liked more of your stuff as well. Continue the good work!!


    GoldenAh: Thank you for the link-love!

  4. This >>> “People love to cite stats to make us feel unattractive or unwanted, but they’re working too hard at it. Remember that we are outliers: a tiny group – IR minded, adult, educated black women living in the West – within a racial minority, and those relationship stats will always reflect that. Don’t ever linger on them. They’re irrelevant.”

    GoldenAh: It just cracks me up how certain folks spend so much time looking at a few black women dating IR. They NEED to put up study after study and stats about our relationships like it has something to do with them. Working it too hard. What are they scared of? They have too much vested in the image of unhappy, lonely and miserable black women. Bunch of maggots, parasites and emotional vampires.

    Since the government routinely undercounts minority groups, esp. black people, why even bother to pay attention to marriage or relationship stats? You know what I mean?

    Great to hear from you, Zabeth. πŸ˜€

  5. When I see a East Asian guy that is tall and good looking, I just whoosh!! Lol

    GoldenAh: Mesmerizing. I can’t help staring. The guy must think I’m nuts. πŸ˜€

    I’ve never been interested in heading to the Far East as a tourist destination, but I’m becoming curious.

  6. Coming out of glass closet to co-sign you with double high fives.
    I am an avid watcher of Korean dramas and Korean TV shows in general. I rarely watch American television. I’ve been asked by friends and family why I watch these shows. I’ve gone on and on about the language, the relationships, enjoying a show I can watch (with anyone interested) and not have to feel embarrassed about overly sexualized or violent content. But I have to admit, it’s all of the above and the MEN. I never in my life thought of Asian men as sex symbols until I started watching K-dramas. It’s a bit embarrassing to tell people that I swoon over these men but when you look at men like Cha Seung Won, Hyun Bin and Daniel Henney, how can you not. Like I said, I also love Korean television-variety shows. 1 Night 2 Days (called 2 Days 1 Night in America) is a regular for me. It’s hilarious.
    And don’t get me started on Korean and Japanese music idols. *sigh*

    GoldenAh: Now that you’ve mentioned the music: when I watch the KDramas – I hear songs I really like, but I don’t know the name of the music, or where to find / purchase them.

    Anyone have any ideas?

    OMG. Daniel Henney. Yes.

    Glass closet. I like that one. πŸ˜€

    Thanks for joining me in our celebration of Asian male hotness, MzCasey.

  7. (LAUGHING).

    You’re making a grown woman blush!!

    Keanu Reeves. He’s considered white, but he is in fact, Hawaiian and Chinese.

    My Fassbender love is strong, but Keanu was my first serious actor crush!!!

    And I’ve heard so many nice things about him.

    GoldenAh: I can be discrete and naughty. Always had the hots for Keanu. I think that surfing flick (High Point?) with Patrick Swayze got me interested. I think like Johnny Depp – there are only a few movies of his I haven’t seen. πŸ˜€

  8. In love this post!

    Queen In Hyun’s Man (the best drama of the year), I Need Romance 2, one of my favourite of the moment. Have you heard of tvN? Every drama I have seen from that Korean cable channel from 2011 and on has been a winner. I also think that watching Asian dramas has a direct connection to liking Asian men of course LOL. If there is ever a study on that I will volunteer.

    GoldenAh: I’ve been meaning to review some of the shows I’ve watched. There are some themes that I see running from show to show. I don’t know if it’s deliberate, but it’s rather interesting. I’ve been seeing these “soul switching” stories for a bit, since Secret Garden. I haven’t touched on the historical dramas yet. I started with the action flicks and now I’m on romantic comedies.

    I haven’t heard tvN. Is that a website? I don’t have cable, so I watch everything online.

    I also think that watching Asian dramas has a direct connection to liking Asian men

    And there you have it. What we see coming from the media helps form a strong perception of people. That’s why I don’t mind joining people in fighting tooth and nail to avoid showing us in a derogatory light. I’ve met my share of people who never met black folks and everything they think they know about us comes from that cesspool called Hollywood.

    Great to hear from you, Shia. πŸ™‚

  9. Wow, there are more black women who like Asian men than I thought.

    GoldenAh: Yeah. Some of the nicest guys I know. I usually write that I like all men, but the discussions end up centering around white men. I use the expression non-black men as a short-hand, but I dislike it intensely. Yet, it can be too much bother to list all the races / ethnic groups out there.

    By the way, I wanted to mention your children are beautiful. I almost feel a maternal twinge seeing them. Almost. πŸ˜€

  10. I definitely co-sign this post! I have dated a couple of Asian guys and even though it didn’t work out, I love their work-ethic. The vast majority of Asian men are not going to let their families starve, they will do WHATEVER it takes to keep their family living a good life. Yes, there were familial pressure but you know, that didn’t affect my relationships because when it comes down to it, they were able to ignore their family (it also helped that they were in school for graduate school and not citizens. My American citizenship overcame my color to their families.)

    I’d date another Asian guy, sure will.

    GoldenAh: Even when single they hustle. Very admirable.

    Thanks for being first to chime in, KM. πŸ™‚

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