Open Forum: The Floor is Yours – Olympics, National News, etc.

94 Responses to “Open Forum: The Floor is Yours – Olympics, National News, etc.”

1. Emma
   August 6th, 2012 @ 11:14 AM

   I was jubilant for Serena and Venus. It was nice to see the crowd appreciation and love. I’ve been watching Wimby forever and usually it’s a stuffy affair. The Olympic crowd have been fanatastic. Even Andy Murray’s win had me delighted (I don’t care too much for him). As I’m of Jamaican heritage I was equally jubilant over the you know what win. The games here have been wonderful. London can be proud. Can’t say hosting the games has inconvenienced me too much. Traffic hasn’t been a nightmare. BBC coverage has been exceptional and it’s nice to watch free of any advertising.

   I’ll be glad when the summer of sport is over though. Not sure I’ll have the energy to watch the paraolympics (which is a shame. Maybe they should hold them at the same time).

   GoldenAh: Hello Emma! {{waving}} It’s been years since I’ve been to the UK. I promised myself that I’d visit Scotland. London is a perfect place for the Olympics. I don’t think there’s an inch of the country that doesn’t have public transportation or a good cabbie that cannot take a person to their destination.

   The Olympics is an interesting affair. Although I’m not crazy about it, it’s far better than all these wars and fighting going on all over the world. Would be better if problems were resolved in that manner.

   Thanks for stopping by, Emma, glad to hear the local scene on the ground from across the pond.

   … Also wanted to add that Usain Bolt is incredible and amazing.

2. RogsRolbowL
   August 6th, 2012 @ 9:16 PM

   GoldenAh: This ended up in my spam filter. I like Led Zeppelin, so I let it go through as to remind myself to get some of these song eventually.

   Led Zeppelin – The Very Best Of
   Tracks: 13+10 | Year: 2003
   Genre: Rock, Metal

   CD1
   01 good times gone bad 02:46
   02 babe im gonna leave you 06:42
   03 dazed and confused 06:27
   04 communication breakdown 02:28
   05 whole lotta love 05:34
   06 what is and what should never be 04:44
   07 immigrant song 02:27
   08 since ive been loving you 07:24
   09 black dog 04:55
   10 rock and roll 03:40
   11 the battle of the evermore 05:52
   12 when the levee breaks 07:10
   13 stairway to heaven 08:02

   CD 2
   01 the song remains the same 05:31
   02 no quater 07:00
   03 houses of the holy 04:03
   04 trampled underfoot 05:36
   05 kashmir 08:29
   06 ten years gone 06:32
   07 achilles last stand 10:23
   08 nobodys fault but mine 06:18
   09 all my love 05:52
   10 in the evening 06:51

3. Truth P.
   August 6th, 2012 @ 10:15 PM

   First I have been lurking a while.I just wanted to say Hello Betty,wish you well,and thank you for blogging.*smiles and waves*

   I don’t really do sports so the Olympics didn’t matter very much to me.Glad it’s over.I am happy for all those who made it to the Olympics and for those who won as well.I’m glad they made their goals.I really enjoy seeing the behind the scenes footage of the prep work and all it took the athletes to make it to the Olympics.
   I actually prefer it to watching the actual games.It’s very inspiring.

   Though I don’t even watch football,I kinda wish that the Olympics had American football competition.I think that would be neat to watch football teams all over the world competing.We’d probably win easily.Well maybe not,I heard Volleyball originated in America and someone told me our men’s team got their butts kicked so…

   I was thinking about the questions “when is enough enough?” and “At what point have we really done all that we can?” It seems like very simply questions, but so many people have difficulty either calling it quits,not giving up soon enough,or not giving up at all.Many different situations arise and I’m stuck asking myself these questions.I don’t want to fail myself or anybody else.Sometimes failure in one small area can cause a domino effect leading to something really bad happening.Which is what I fear.
   So I ask for wisdom from God and seek it else where so that I don’t fail.I also ask for peace of mind because worrying about it can be so tiring.
   
   GoldenAh: Hello Truth P, great to hear from you.

   I could see the Australians, Canadians and Eastern Europeans giving us a run for our money in football. Maybe the Samoans too. That would be interesting to watch.

   I have the same thoughts about failure and fear, Truth P. Trust me, you are not alone. And I realize we’re the kind of ladies who think deeply about our lives and decisions we make. Analysis can lead to paralysis. I’ve decided to try to loosen the leash I keep on myself, because I realize I have to hurt some people’s feeling (this is offline stuff) to get things done. Otherwise, I am in for a world of hurt. And because some of these interlopers aren’t feeding me, waking me up in the morning, taking me to work or taking care of business for me – I cannot bother myself about them. If I’m seen as mean, stuck up or ruthless, so-be-it, because they aren’t worth a fired neuron. I thank them for recognizing that if I need to, I’ll go for the jugular. Folks don’t respect you until you hurt them, sad to say.

   Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and you will become unburdened by fear, worry, and guilt. {{hugs}}

   So, take good care of yourself.

4. JK
   August 7th, 2012 @ 10:58 PM

   Banned from the barbershop

   Hair is in my blood (and a few other places I won’t mention).  My family owned a beauty and barbershop.  It was operated by my grandmother and her brothers.  In fact, my first residence in life was an apartment over that shop.  When hanging around there as a little girl,  it was my chore to “sweep up” all the discarded hair in the beauty shop. 

   So I sit here stunned today that my two year old son is at the barbershop for his first professional haircut w/o me present to watch (and comfort).  My husband insisted on cutting our son’s hair himself up until now.  

   Per the old (black) wives tale, we waited the obligatory one year after birth b4 cutting it.

   We’ve endured the cuts at home for a year bc my husband says he never went to the barbershop–his dad cut his hair at home.  When he recently decided to consider the barbershop for the little one, I jumped at the chance.  Despite his best efforts, daddy’s haircuts didn’t look as great as a barbers’ (although the results of the barber remained to be seen by me).

   As I sat home taking in this bittersweet milestone, I realized that maybe this is the way it should be.  The barbershop was men’s business–a place for fathers and sons, not mommys.  Black women, for various reasons, have taken on many of the roles which were intended for black men.  

   My son is an extreme mama’s boy. 
   Recently, when I couldn’t take his whining I decided to teach him a mantra.  I ask him, “what are you going to be?” He replies, “Be a man.” I reply, “No whining.”
   As I reflected on being left out of the barbershop experience, I was comforted by a fact I knew deep in my soul.  For him to be a man, he needs to see a man, up close and personal.  I thank God for giving me the good sense to marry a great one, in spite of the poor examples I saw growing up. 

   If I had been at the haircut, my son would have played on my emotions and really turned up the drama–possibly getting hurt for lack for being still while somebody put a sharp, electrical device to his head.
   Without me there, being in the presence of his father and the barber, he would be forced to Man Up.  He needed the opposite of what my presence would have engendered. 

   As I thought back to my childhood, I didn’t recall seeing women in the barbershop nor was I asked to “sweep up” over there.  It was the late 70s and discretionary income was not a phrase known to working class blacks, especially in the South.  I assume many dads (like my wonderful father-in-law) opted to cut their sons’ hair at home.  If a boy did go to the barbershop, he went when his father went.  On the rare times when a mom took her son to our shop, she would come over to the beauty shop side with the ladies to wait.  I guess it was not considered “proper” for a lady to be in an all male environment.  The men were left to be men.  This is probably why I was never asked/told to sweep up on that side of the shop.  (I saw my uncles sweep when that was needed.  They had just cut the hair which was on the floor and thus making their place of business look untidy.  They made the mess, so they cleaned it up).  

   When I worked in the child support courts in the early 2000s  I noticed an interesting phenomenon–other than people giving their children jacked up names.  Many of the men who came in with multiple baby-mamas were barbers.  I asked some other court personnel about it and they said that the barbers get to meet many women when they (the moms) bring their boys in for haircuts.  So in the oow 2000s, we have mass fatherlessness–there’s no man to cut his sons’ hair at home or take the son to the barbershop with him.  So mom and barber make plans to hookup while Dequan is getting his haircut.  (I suspect this is another reason why back in the 70s men took their sons.  What man would want his woman hanging around such a testosterone-infused place like a barbershop?  Why tempt human nature?)

   I’m happy to report that my son’s haircut went well.  There  was crying of course, but no drama or injury.  I was glad my husband and son got to experience the moment together and without me present.  I’m thankful there will be many more. 

   I discovered your site about 9 months ago and love it.  I’ve told lots of black women about it and what I’ve learned on it.  It pains me to see my fellow professional bw holding out, past their child bearing years, for the black man on the white horse.   Or worse yet, settling for a dbr because they think that’s the only variety black ones come in. 

   I  am married to a purple unicorn.
   He is a MAN, A great husband and even better father to our children. Unfortunately it has taken me too long to realize this due to the dysfunctional relationships I saw growing up.  

   I wholeheartedly support your IR movement and believe the seed needs to be planted in young black girls at an early age.   As a girl growing up in the South in the 70s,  I never considered marriage to anyone other than a black man as an option.  I did however make a decision early on to live a single life rather than subject myself to the type of black men that the women in my family did.   

   I am thrilled whenever the media portrays black women in healthy relationships with men who do not look like us.  We need to cement this idea as an option to young black girls when they are in the Cinderella/princess phase.  (Actually, the Whitney Houston/Brandy version of Cinderella shows IR relationships favorable to black women).

   Thank you for your site.  I appreciate that you and those who comment actually provide Thoughtful analysis of the state of black women and children.   May God Bless you All

   GoldenAh: Hello, JK. What a pleasure it is to hear from you! And I love your contribution, brings back memories for me. My older brother would always cut his son’s hair himself. I don’t think he ever took him to the barber. That was his boy – no one was going to touch his head. My nephew grew into a fine young man. I agree that a special bonding occurs with the hair cutting ritual between father and son. As toddlers, both my nephews were very attached to their dads: it was an amusing revelation.

   We need strong and stable families. Black women especially need able men, in mind and body, regardless of color. We cannot have healthy communities without the family. That comes first.

   Thank you for you thoughts JK, don’t hesitate to add more. Your comments are welcome.  

5. Mikey Tandino
   August 8th, 2012 @ 3:15 PM

   Im not even sure if this JK person is real or trying their hand at short story fiction. Majority of those elements sound extracted from other BWE bloggers from years past. Could totally be a coincidence. I mean, why give your post a title?

   I am interested in how the media we purchase now is going to be saved once the technology its viewed/used on becomes obsolete. So you have your Kindle, Nook, whatever. You have X amount of books stored on there, they stop with that sort of technology. Now what?

   Do you start this process all over again with the new medium?

   Or do you buck this new e-trend and stick to books?

   And does no one see that America is bending over backwards for our future overlords the Hispanics? I personally dont agree that they should all be over here all willy nilly w/o going through the proper channels. It doesnt help me that they are here.

   In fact its made dining in New York sort of analogous as in the same Mexican folks are cooking every type of cuisine. Its all bound to run together.

   I also which people would pick a country in Africa and use that as a frame of reference. I get so tired of hearing people refer to Africa as if its a country or a state. Im not heavily invested in this, it just irks me to no end.

   GoldenAh: I liked JK’s contribution. If she does decide to write more, I’d appreciate it. I found it rather poignant and touching.

   Per technology, I think everything still needs to be printed and / or saved onto another medium. I have so many old formats – old floppies and tapes – that came and went – I never got the chance to use! I wonder where all of this stuff we write gets saved. Even backups of this stuff goes into some mysterious data cloud. I was going to buy a Kindle, but my friend reminded me that Amazon could grab a book back if they wanted. I don’t like that.

   I do want an iPad, Tablet or perhaps a bigger cellphone. I feel frustrated with my tiny cellphone during the day, and there’s so much writing I need to do. I simply don’t have enough time anymore. {{frustrated sigh}}

   There are a lot of Spanish people in a couple of towns near where I live, but I have to say they behave themselves and stay low-key. Maybe in some other states like Texas and California they feel bold enough to act out. Obama is all kinds of wrong with his amnesty game. Guess he’s doing that to help out his relatives that are here illegally too.

   I agree with you on the Africa thing. Mentioning South Africa, Nigeria and Ghana would be a good frame of reference. It would make people sound more informed. And the CIA has a fantastic website profiling every country in the world. I use it when I’m interested in visiting another country….

6. JK
   August 8th, 2012 @ 7:20 PM

   @Mikey Tandino
   I assure you I am a real person.
   Sorry to offend you with the “short story.”
   It is truth not fiction, however!

7. Truth P.
   August 9th, 2012 @ 1:54 AM

   “And does no one see that America is bending over backwards for our future overlords the Hispanics? I personally dont agree that they should all be over here all willy nilly w/o going through the proper channels. It doesnt help me that they are here.”

   Agree.What irks me is their failure or refusal rather to learn the English language.I don’t think Americans should be forced to learn Spanish or have it cost them jobs.I do not believe in amnesty for the people who cross the border legally and I also don’t believe their children/anchor babies should be allowed to stay here.Mainly because these rules are only applying to certain illegal immigrants but that’s a another story.

   GoldenAh: If certain populations (non-citizens) can willfully ignore the law, why should citizens obey any law? This idiocy cannot last. I’m done with any politician who acts like he’s above the laws he’s sworn to uphold. I have no patience for it. If politicians want open borders, which I believe they truly want, then we need to have some major changes happen in this country. I’m all for ending the income tax, certain entitlements, and just going for a double-digit national sales tax. Since citizens are no longer the true beneficiaries of social programs, might as well end them all, and let people have the opportunities to earn their money and keep it without being taxed into poverty.

   The amnesty thing is a joke, because everyone who brings their kids to this country now and into the future will continue to qualify for this program. There is no cut-off date.

8. Mikey Tandino
   August 9th, 2012 @ 8:19 AM

   And they and others use their failure of the English language to get out of their public duties. I had to do jury duty and a lot of these fools stood up there and stated that they could not serve on a jury because they did not understand English well enough.

   Judge asked how long have you been here. The answers ranged from 10-35 years. So you mean to tell me that in 35 years you couldnt learn the language of the company you emigrated to?

   They want all of the rights and protections, but do not want to follow the rules and partcipate in society as everyone else does.

   And we are killing ourselves to be all inclusive to them.
   Im sorry, but if you do not speak English, you cannot apply for these food stamps or whatever. No other people have been courted and catered to in the manner that they are.

   GoldenAh: Even though I suck at foreign languages, the first thing I try to do is learn a few basic words – like greeting people, thanking them and wishing them a good day. It’s simple to do, I parrot whatever they say, and watch their TV programs. I know people who’ve taught themselves English just by watching English-speaking movies and TV programs until they are proficient.

   English should be the only language banks, the gov’t and every organization should provide information in. Why must I press ’1′ for English?

   I don’t understand the bending over backwards behavior of our gov’t either. It makes no sense to me.

9. FoxyCleopatra
   August 9th, 2012 @ 11:42 AM

   I’m glad to see that more and more pple are waking up to the foolishness of amnesty for illegal immigrants. Khadija from the blog MuslimBushido has written about some of her observations in regards to racist employment practices where they ask for ‘native’ Spanish speakers. So therefore, irrespective of how great one may speak the language, only native (read Latino/Hispanic) will actually be employed for the position.

   I just hope that the majority of Americans wise up before its too late. Once they get full citizenship and therefore voting rights, the rest of you are done! This is because since they will outnumber blacks and eventually whites, they will end up being a majority voting bloc. I remember a few years ago when someone said that America will soon be an officially dual-lingual nation, I scoffed at it. Boy how wrong was I?! It will not surprise me if in a few years, for you to get employment, Spanish language fluency will be expected the way English is now.

   GoldenAh: Majority of Americans have never supported Amnesty. It’s President “Open Borders” Obama who’s just trying to get a couple more votes in a few states doing this. And it didn’t budge his poll numbers not one bit. Obama was asked about the double-the-average, high unemployment rate of black people and his answer was, “I am not the President of black America.” There you have it, his contempt couldn’t be more plain. Why reward someone who’s done all he can for other groups, but turns his back on black people?

10. truth p.
    August 10th, 2012 @ 1:45 AM

    @Mikey Tandino I notice where I live ALL OTHER immigrants,black Africans,Arab Africans,Chinese,Laotian,Indian’s from India, various brown and black skinned people from Muslim and Hindi countries,as well as white people from Russia and other European countries, from various economic backgrounds,with different job duties,from Janitors to Restaurant workers to Doctors have learned the English language.

    The ONLY immigrants that I see daily that don’t know English and a year from now likely still won’t know any English are 1.Hispanics 2.Newly arrived housewives of Muslim black African and Arab men.I notice that of the two, the housewives will learn English first.

    I work at a hospital around a very diverse group of people btw.

    I also notice the many people using Hospitals as a clinic or their primary care giver.Health insurance is a major issue in this country for EVERY ONE.The illegal immigrants that come into the hospital are costing us MILLIONS and they don’t even have to give a name or residence to repay.Add the number of US citizens that can’t afford healthcare and Houston we have a problem.I recently learned that I’m being taxed on my dollars close to 30% of my earnings.I think this will continue to increase as more illegal immigrants come into the country and as more wealthy people get tax breaks.It’ll probably be at my expense.
    Meanwhile,I’ still trying to make money to go to school and pay my bills.Le Sigh

    To be clear,I don’t have any particular gripe with the illegal immigrants here.They don’t bother me,as they are not in very large number here yet.I’m just looking at how it’s costing me money I can’t afford to give away to have them here.If my taxes weren’t so high you probably wouldn’t hear a peep out of me.

    GoldenAh: I was extremely liberal until I got my first serious paycheck after college. Back then they were taking out taxes for all sorts of things. It was like over 10 items at one time. Since then, they’ve gotten slick and consolidate the thievery under various acronyms. And I live in a high tax state like NJ, so combine that with everything, and I feel I get nothing for the expense. Nothing at all.

    The illnesses that scare and bankrupt people usually fall into one of these three groups: 1) Chronic – like diabetes, which is lifelong, 2) Catastrophic – the car accident or from a disaster, 3) A life threatening common or rare disease – like cancer, which may require unusual or advanced drugs that not even the FDA has approved.

    The other stuff falls into the category of people not taking care of themselves and using the hospital, as you say, like a clinic. Most problems if managed and caught early don’t end up costing that much. Seeing the doctor often and early is better than waiting for everything to fall apart and head off to the hospital. I have a phobia of hospitals, so I do everything I can to avoid ever needing to go there.

    If the gov’t wants to remove the income tax and replace it with a national sales tax, I’m all for it. At least we know everybody will be paying taxes. We can all be miserable together.

11. Faith
    August 10th, 2012 @ 2:12 PM

    But….the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare will “save” us!

    GoldenAh: I dread what’s coming down the pike from that bill. I already expect a massive tax hike. What other mess could be hiding in those 2,900 pages? There were like 4 good things in it that could have been covered on one page.

12. Truth P.
    August 10th, 2012 @ 11:51 PM

    @Faith You make a point.Now that I think about it, how can healthcare be made affordable when the President basically supports illegal immigration?Who’s gonna pay for these people healthcare?
    We are.

13. Emma
    August 12th, 2012 @ 11:18 AM

    We have a situation where English has become the second language in some inner city primary schools. Can you believe that? My GP service has become unrecognisable. Most of the patients are non English speaking and are provided with interpreters free of charge. This costs the NHS money that could be spent elsewhere. We have also seen a rise in TB because of immigration from India, eastern Europe and Africa. This is observational but I note there are a lot of problems with heart disease and mental illness within the South East Asian community (mind you this is an increasing problem across the board).

    The world needs a strong America (incidentally; do American’s find it offensive if outsiders say America rather than the United States. I was corrected by an American professor many moons ago and I never understood why). My hope is that America will once again show the world: strong healthy bodies, a sound financial base, the masses educated to a high level, strong intact families and so on. It’s symbolic but I was glad to see America out perform the Chinese on the medals table. However, I fear the US is allowing itself to fall behind in so many ways. And your cultural exports aren’t helping your image either – especially daytime reality tv.

    When you say “football” do you mean American football? I’m sure outside of the US American football has a very small audience.

    And yes Usaine is the man.

    GoldenAh: I had noticed the heart disease thing, a friend of mine had mentioned that problem. She lost some relatives due to that. It seems to be one of the greatest causes of death in India. It seems odd for a country full of vegetarians, but I suspect it’s all the deep frying and oily foods.

    I think we say, USA! USA! when we are chanting for a team to win, but I don’t think anybody has an issue with the usage of “America(n)”. Yeah, I had a professor say that Mexicans were offended by America being called America, but no one else cared. Professors live in their own politically correct bubble.

    Yeah, American football. There have been exposition games where we’ve had teams fly overseas to play. I think it hasn’t taken off, because the average football player in the US is 6’5″, weighs nearly 300 lbs, and is strong enough to lift a car. Not sure if other countries have guys that big, except maybe Guam, Samoa and Eastern Europe. And it’s not a cheap game to play like soccer. Hope no one is offended by that, but American football uses up a lot of resources.

    I was just reading where some Chinese newspaper said that Americans win, because of our big heads and bodies. Hilarious. I think if he meant “big hearts” that would be more apropos.

    The USA has its low points, but I think it’ll be okay. I was excited by the awesome landing of the Curiosity rover on Mars. We’re still the only country that can do that (for now). So I think our better days are coming. I hope. {{fingers crossed}}

14. samadhi101
    August 12th, 2012 @ 12:34 PM

    Hi Golden! Great post If I were Gabby’s parents, I’d steer clear of the USA/Blackistan. I’d want to give my kid an opportunity to grow with a global village mindset (if that makes sense). Her parents have clearly done a great job so far. The Williams sisters’ father did a great job too but it seems like he had a hard time cutting ties with Blackistan. When I read all that they’ve accomplished and all the needless suffering they’ve had when they come in contact Blackistan, I wonder why they didn’t use their first prize winnings to move their family the hell out of Compton. Whenever Blackistan talks about the Williams sisters’ their more concerned about their bodies and which rapper Venus is dating. Ugh! The Root did an article, which I didn’t bother to finish reading, about Gabby displaying an innocence BW can’t show. Huh? Excuse, me but not even in the Jim Crow south days did BW walk around with a mean mug (have you seen pics of BW/BM in the 50′s and 60′s? They look classy as hell! lol I was looking at vintage Ebony magazines and judging from charm, class, and cheerfulness the BW displayed, you’d have know idea this was still JIm Crow south era). BW only have to put armor on which venturing into Blackistan. It still blows my mind how Black people hands down have the worst opinion of BW. It’s one thing for non-blacks to see BW thru stereotypes but to have Blackistan TELL you what you can and cannot feel in order to fight some imaginary foe, in 2012, is ridiculous.

    WW worship is annoying but it pretty much defines Western media (Lola/Maria etc. *eyeroll*) so it isn’t going anywhere for awhile. I woudn’t compare the WW worship to clan members burning a cross on your lawn lol That threat has passed for the most part and once a BW has found havens that promote black beauty and femininity (not saying we’re perfect but BW support each other like no other), joining the mainstream isn’t as traumatizing as Blackistan makes it out to be. Good God, WHY did I click on an article by The Root?! No joke: The first 3 images displayed were of Kanye,Jay Z, and Lil Wayne titled “5 drugs that have hip hoppers breaking bad”. Right below them, Skip Gates celebrating African art article and to top it off a “Don’t hate Lola Jones Cuz Shes Beautiful”article. Wow. DBR haven much?

    GoldenAh: Gabby is going to be fine. And speaking of going global – her coach / mentor (Mr. Chow) is from China! She said she was inspired by the Beijing Olypmics. She set her mind to be in the next Olympics! I mean the girl had to be about 10 to 12 at the time? I also really love the way the media and the country has embraced her. My cynicism about the media has been tempered by (about 2%) their treatment of her.

    

    You make a very cogent point: only BW get this brainwashing that others wont treat us fairly, when most of the ill treatment comes from Blackistan. They want all BW to stay on the plantation of inferiority, insecurity and self-negation. Not gonna happen.

    And thank you for the compliments, Samadhi101. But my blogging is made good, if not better, when I get such great feedback from everyone….

15. Eva
    August 12th, 2012 @ 4:43 PM

    I think it’s true that if people want to live and work in the USA, they should learn English, however it is NOT only the Hispanics that is an issue with. Recently in Flushing, Queens some politicians want to pass a law that says the signs in an area that is largely Korean and Chinese have to also be in English. This is being met with resistance. The reason the city wants this to be a law is because in case something happens like a fire or the police have to come, they won’t know where to go if the signs aren’t in English. I think it’s a good law.

    I, however wish that the schools in the USA would teach children to learn more than one language, I used to work with a lady from Germany who spoke German, English, French and Spanish. It would be nice if children in the USA could learn other languages.

    I don’t know the solution to health care, but I do think it’s crappy that if you get sick and lose your job, you also lose your healthcare, even if you’ve been paying into it for years. I have heard that most bankruptcies are caused by healthcare payments. BTW, the drug companies don’t need to charge as much as they do for medication because they certainly don’t pay their researchers.

16. FoxyCleopatra
    August 13th, 2012 @ 6:09 AM

    @Emma,

    I thought TB was being eradicated, atleast in African countries? Its so irritating to think that such a disease if caught early could be cured easily and the virus wiped out through immunization, yet it still hangs around. As for the frequent rates of mental and genetic defects amongst south Asians (mainly Pakistanis and Bangladeshis), this is due to their marriage practises where marrying someone as closely related to you as a first cousin is quite common. The British health authorities have tried tackling this but they don’t seem to be getting anywhere because one has to be quite sensitive when dealing with culture.

    Re American Football:
    I don’t see it becoming an olympic sport seeing as it is not played outside the US. It has a very large following in America, but outside, not so much. Round the world its only those who really follow the sport that know much about it compared to sports such as basketball, football (soccer) where even if someone doesn’t follow the sport, they’ll still know quite a lot about it and the players.

    @Samadhi,

    ITA concerning Gabby Douglas. I hope her parents keep her away from those toxic type of people. I think everything that has happened since she returned from the olympics has been a total disgrace! I was sooo happy for her when she won double gold. I was busy thinking “omg this cute little girl is going to be a star and great role model when she gets back home”, then I witness all the crap about her hair and appearance and I’m like wtf!

    Re Lolo Jones:
    I like her and felt sorry for her that she didn’t win. However, I do think to some extent she invited it because nobody plays the media and she was playing a dangerous game inviting the media into her life like that. That said, I do think the nytimes article, although I agree with a lot of it, was still quite harsh, especially as it was published a day or two befor her race. As for Dawn Harper and Kellie Wells, I fully undersatnd where they were coming from and tbh was happy the both got medals, as it proved their point. However, I think the interview they did with that woman shot themselves in the foot because it unfortunately didn’t show either of them in a good light.

17. Mikey Tandino
    August 13th, 2012 @ 2:06 PM

    Ahh we need space for all types of Black women. I get that should have been reserved and demure and not went in with their dislike and displeasure of Lolo and the coverage of her so hard, but thats how they felt at the time.

    I think we are all reaching for a day when one individual Black womans comments can be taken as that. Just her comments on the situation. Not some wide sweeping indictment of all Black women everywhere. When they make these sort of comments, we should be as non-reactionary as possible. No comdemnation, no well maybe they shouldnt have done or said x. Just oh ok. Well, thats her opinion and keep it moving.

    On Gabby and the hair its just business as usual for the intellectually diminished amongst us. I saw one quote that said “lets look good winning” I really wanted to kick that lady’s back out. I mean what a dumb thing to say.

    And as I delve into the treasure trove of BWE archives I came across this lovely site http://blackfemininity.com/ and I find our very own Betty commenting. I love what you have to say there and here. The BWE websites and information have been absolutely so valuable and I am so grateful for all the women who have and continue to do it. It means so much to me and to the women I pass the info along to.

    I love your candor Betty and the facts that you pull no punches. Your comments on that site are so prescient and innovative.

    Thank you.

    GoldenAh: Oh, I had forgotten about that site. Loved the dialogue. It was an excellent post and produced a lot of great commentary from nearly everyone.

    Thank you for the compliment, Mikey. I always hope to keep the topics and subject matter interesting.

18. MsMellody
    August 15th, 2012 @ 9:47 AM

    Hi Betty,

    Great idea to have an open forum. I have read a great majority of the comments here..and to say that I have been informed from them would be an understatement!!!!

    All of us here have benefitted in SO many ways! I can’t even put into words how valuable your blog and the commentors have been in my life!!

    Having a place to express your views/feelings/other reading links and getting such valuable feedback from Betty herself and others has been an amazing thing. Love you all. And I say that sincerely.

    Studying has been my main priority lately. I also went natural!! Hurray for me.

    I have been taking some time to learn from all these “youngsters” out there on YouTube about the natural hair maintenance. Imagine that– the hair I was born with and wore for the first half of my life…I had TOTALLY forgotten how to take care of it without the “creamy crack” ( perm ) as they call it. LOL.

    Well this has been a wonderful freeing inspiring loving journey. My husband has been super supportive and encouraging me to feel free and happy and most of all loved.

    I say that, because bw still have hang ups about their own natural hair.

    I am not getting into a hair debate – because I know, love and respect all of our choices. Period.

    Thanks for letting me share this little bit.

    GoldenAh: Hello MsMellody! {{hugs}} Congratulations on the change to natural!! I used to write about natural hair, and my obsession from reading those blogs and watching YouTube helped me a great deal. I have a link hear under the category HAIR if you ever feel like looking over my old posts. I have old pictures of when I was checking my progress. I’m satisfied with my hair length and how I take care of it today: I don’t do much but condition wash and shampoo sometimes. I blow dry on occasion and I do cut the ends, although I never used to.

    And I am glad to have you come and add your thoughts and perspectives, MsMellody, they are always welcome.

19. Emma
    August 15th, 2012 @ 4:09 PM

    The average is 6ft 5 @ 300lbs? WOW and all muscle no doubt. You’re right; there aren’t too many of those outside the US. How do you make these hunks? The Chinese will take some time to get there – if ever.

    Re Curiosity – it’s an outstanding achievement which attests to the spirit of hope, optimism and ‘can do’ approach American’s tend to have.

    GoldenAh: That’s mostly the linemen, the guys you see bending down and crouching in two rows (offense / defense) before the quarterback calls the play. They are big and fast. The smallest guys are usually the running backs and punter (guy who kicks the ball). Like Usain Bolt – if he wanted – could be a running back based on his speed and size.

    I used to be a football nut. Loved those tight ends…

    I wish someone could hurry up and figure out how to get people to the moon / Mars. People would line up just to have bragging rights to say they traveled to these places. The expense of funding it all would pay for itself.

20. Erica
    August 18th, 2012 @ 10:22 PM

    Just read a disturbing article. Black man tweets Oprah asking – in mangled english – when she’s going to give back to the ghettos in the black community – she responds saying she put 500 black men through college, and what has he done?, but apparently that wasn’t enough for him. He continues ranting not mentioning what he’s done for the black community.

    Though I don’t agree with everything Oprah does, she’s done more for black communities financially than other blacks. Another black man who feels entitled to a woman’s money because she’s rich and black. One is not required to give anything to anyone because they’re rich. Do all rich people give their money to charities? No.

    This is never asked of rappers or other black celebs – they give back too, but not the degree Oprah has. There are progams in place now that some blacks can use for education and job training they don’t use – yet they still want handouts.

    Some blacks are acting simple. They know what they need to achieve success – but want the easy route – financially through handouts or by criminal means. This is why blakistan must be left behind ’cause it’s survival comes from muling black women.

    Oprah came from the same place these people did – she grew up in poverty the same as them, and succeeded without handouts. There’s a difference between someone learning a skill so they can earn a living – and someone that uses one as a mule.

    This site is known for posting ratchet articles about blacks which I don’t read, came upon by accident. The author of the article also believes it’s Oprah’s job to save blakistan. What do you think?

    Article link below
    http://madamenoire.com/201158/oprah-checks-twitter-follower-who-questions-her-loyalty-to-the-black-community/

    GoldenAh: You have been reading my mind, Erica. I was just thinking about Oprah the other day. I honestly feel sorry for her. I usually don’t sympathize with her, ’cause she doesn’t need it from me. But this woman has tried to help everybody, and she’s gotten nothing but kicked in the teeth for it.

    We have to wonder why no one vilifies wealthy black men the way they will her (or other prominent black women). People see men with children as more important, which is valid to a degree, but they will be respected despite whether they are supporting them or not. Since Oprah has no children, folks feel entitled to her time, resources, and money. This is one of those cases where even if a black woman has $5 in her pocket – and is single – the crabs and parasites expect her to give it away to them.

    By the way, are we learning from Oprah’s example on the limits on giving (in) to people? That’s why I advocate a degree of selfishness, individualism, and having your own network / group of “ride or die” supporters (real friends, husband, boyfriend, good family members) for yourself. Use the word “No” a lot. That way when you eventually say “Yes” the recipient will show you the respect that you deserve.

    And the problem with Oprah is that she’s been too giving – so much so, no one respects her anymore. Not everybody has to like you, but they must show you your propers (as Aretha Franklin once sang).

21. Keisha
    August 18th, 2012 @ 10:27 PM

    Just saw SPARKLE with friends!
    Loved it – Anyone else seen it?

    GoldenAh: Nope. I only saw Dark Knight two weeks ago. That’s the only film I’ve seen this year in the theater. Lately, I’ve been trying to catch up on older movies via DVDs.

    I really enjoy all kinds of musicals.

22. samadhi101
    August 18th, 2012 @ 10:54 PM

    @ Erica

    I wonder why she bothered to answer him. Folks like him have been resentful of Oprah’s success since day 1. If you look at it logically, the black community is a self destructive organization: why would anyone put their money in it? I can’t stand Madamenoire. Apparently it a “BW’s site” but when BW discuss anything related to them, it’s over run by non-BW and BM, ready to tell you how “offended” they are or they use the classic “this happens to all women” line. Mademenoire is an example of how BW sorely need to put boundaries in place when creating areas that are intended to help us out. It may not be pc, but we need to scrap the phony, hypocritical, sentimental “we are the world” bs because it hasn’t made anyone more respectful.

23. truth p.
    August 19th, 2012 @ 12:48 AM

    I feel sad for Oprah.She gets a lot of flack from black people.I don’t feel sorry for her because of that though.I feel sorry for her because she actually CARES about what damaged black people think.

    I acknowledge that Oprah is no where near perfect.I feel some of the things that she says and does is down right self hating.At her age I don’t know if she will ever get better.She seems to reject psychiatry for her own issues,though she discusses them openly.

    I am happy for Oprah’s success but whereas some black people are angry with her for not doing enough for black people,or for the black people they want her to do things for,my issue with her is I don’t believe she has done enough for herself in some aspects of her life.I’m saying this as someone on the outside looking in,she seems to be circling a drain going in a downward spiral.

    I wouldn’t hold it against Oprah if yesterday she did whatever self hating thing and then a year later she came to a realization that she was playing her self,took a stand and got a little better in that area.But she seems to stay where she is and it’s because she actually CARES about what certain black people think.I notice because I observe and watch her and who she deals with.I feel it’s silly to tell other people to get encouraged,make better decisions to make progress but she won’t do that her self.

    Oprah needs to stop pandering to certain insane individuals that think less of her.

    Not for my sake but her own.I wonder how she feels when she has black men who have really said some racist hateful things about her sitting on her couch saying racist hateful things about her to her face?How can she take that?She needs to be more Sophia,without being crass,and less like Celie.

    GoldenAh: Truth P, this is such a profound and awesome comment you wrote. You have stated the absolute TRUTH about Oprah (and many women who follow her patterns), and like you I hope she does wake up.

24. truth p.
    August 19th, 2012 @ 12:52 AM

    I have to add that as critical as I am being toward Oprah,I’m just as critical of myself.I see some things in Oprah that I don’t like about myself and am trying to overcome.Main thing being, putting up with people’s **** for too long and not breaking all ties soon enough.

    However,I can honestly say that I’ve made some progress.I just can’t see where Oprah has, which is sad because she has access to people and resources that I don’t.

    GoldenAh: Sometimes I’m called “mean”, and I thank the person, because they realize I’m not the one. I’m not the doormat black woman. I’ll smile, I’m polite, I’m nice, but I’ll say, “No” and leave people alone with a quickness. Folks want to pull you down to stew in their misery and mess with them. No thanks. I have my own issues to deal with.

    And it’s all what my Mother taught me, because she hated seeing anybody try to use me. It was difficult as a child, ’cause everybody wants to take something from you as though they’re entitled. It doesn’t change much as an adult either.

25. truth p.
    August 19th, 2012 @ 12:58 AM

    YES @ this
    “I think we are all reaching for a day when one individual Black womans comments can be taken as that. Just her comments on the situation. Not some wide sweeping indictment of all Black women everywhere. When they make these sort of comments, we should be as non-reactionary as possible. No comdemnation, no well maybe they shouldnt have done or said x. Just oh ok. Well, thats her opinion and keep it moving.”

    I don’t know what was said.All I heard was something about bitter dark skin girls,white supremacist media and a crying losing biracial runner named Lolo.It sounded crazy.Makes me happy I didn’t tune in to the Olympics because I’m not invested.I don’t even want to know the whole story.

26. Erica
    August 19th, 2012 @ 4:42 AM

    It was rumoured Oprah would never interview rappers because of their disrespect for black women but had to interview jayz if she wanted the beyonce interview. Never grilling him on his negative depiction of black women in his videos.

    Rapper 50 Cent telling Oprah he named his dog after her. His reason – her campaign against the N word and degradation of women in hip hop. Why does she interview black men that disrespect black women?

    Oprah’s interview with 50 Cent
    http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/351374/20120612/50-cent-oprah-dog-bitch-feud-photos.htm

    Rapper Nelly at Spellman University asking black women to donate for his sister’s leukemia. Some Spellman students wanted to have a meeting with him about his negative depiction of black women in his videos, but when he refused, the fundrasier was cancled. So he gets rich disrespecting black women, and black women are supposed to donate their money and time for any cause if it involves blacks without question.

    If I think someone is disrespecting black women, I won’t donate for that cause. I’ll find others ways to donate. Nelly has millions. He could downsize his mansion, cars, or $ he uses at strip clubs – but has no shame asking black women who are in school full time, with jobs, some who have children. Notice he doesn’t ask men.

    Nelly’s Dillema
    http://www.alternet.org/story/18760/dilemma?page=0%2C0

    Snoop dog who is ‘family man’ now, when he used to watch women perform in porn – and he has a daughter.

    Snoop Dog
    http://www.lifelounge.com.au/resources/IMGRELATED/05_snoop.jpg

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoop_Dogg's_Doggystyle

    These famous black men – and some black women
    -can now retire with their families after getting rich from disrespecting black women.

27. Sonja
    August 19th, 2012 @ 10:51 AM

    Ok Ima be honest and admit this….I have a crush on Mr. Chow! LOL! I wonder if he is married? Chow If you’re single & reading this holla at me *wink*

    GoldenAh: He is handsome, isn’t he? Sorry to say, he is married.

28. Brenda55
    August 19th, 2012 @ 4:03 PM

    Lets not be so hard on Oprah. She could put 5000 men through school and it would still not be enough. There would still be complaints since those 500 men are not the particular man doing the complaining. And if she assists him there will be another and then another and so on and so forth.

    Need is endless and one can never eliminate it. There will always be those who need and they will alway resent and complain to those with the resources. They exist through circumstance of their own control and circumstances controlled by others but they will always be with us. And they will alway feel that the haves do not deserve what they have or got it through trickery and cunning.

    The needy seldom see themselves as the root cause of their problems. The always see themselves as good as the haves. Therefore you get the attempt at guilt tripping the haves.

    You are correct the Oprahs of the world really do not owe the needy a darn thing and there is nothing wrong with anyone putting there own interests first and then after having done that choosing to help others. But for the guys like the one sending Oprah that nasty twitter that action, sending that twitter is far easier than getting off his behind,making things happen and improving his lot. Doing that and getting an answer from her may make him feel he “told truth to power” which is a poor substitution for what he really wants.

    Oprah is still filthy rich and has more that likely blocked him and he is still poor ass sending his tweets.

    GoldenAh: In her early days 60 Minutes interviewed Oprah, asking why she hired very few, if any, blacks. She claimed she couldn’t find any “qualified” black people. This coming from miss college -drop-out who was given a chance (a.k.a. affirmative action) to do a TV show, act in a movie, and probably was no more qualified than the people she looked down on. Back then, she’d hire white women as her personal assistants – pay them big bucks – and they’d sue, because she “worked” them long hours or something. Hilarious really. The media business expects late hours, but I think these white women were horrified that they actually had to work hard for a black woman.

    I’ve noticed that a certain person she put everything on the line for acts as though she doesn’t exist. I bet she alienated quite a number of “friends” on this person’s behalf, but she’s not needed anymore. Maybe this person will come calling when they get desperate.

    It appears that since Oprah moved off of network TV, all the big white stars that she used to book easily aren’t available anymore. Now, she has to look at black people (for an audience and interviews) she’s ignored for over 20 years. I think that explains her tweet response more than anything: she feels she has no choice.

    Oprah can go count her money. I ain’t mad at her.

    The story of this broke guy expecting something from Oprah reminded me of a black website I visited. And there was a comment by this BM who claimed to be upset because he read or knew of a BW who was taking HER MONEY and only donating it to little black girls. He felt she should prioritize black boys or include them. It eluded him that it was her hard earned money, which she could donate as she pleased. He believed he had some say in what a BW was doing with her money.

29. samadhi101
    August 19th, 2012 @ 4:09 PM

    @ Erica
    Ugh, they really are quite repulsive aren’t they? I remember trying to watch the hip vs the world segment BET did and I just couldn’t get thru it: so much BM coddling and protecting. Then again when black intelligentsia and dbrs get together, I know BW are gonna be thrown under the bus.
    This video is aptly titled “Oprah wasn’t fair to hip hop” smh
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk3U1iR3vfU&feature=relmfu

30. Lita
    August 19th, 2012 @ 4:48 PM

    Oprah’s interview with Rihanna who says she feels sorry for Chris Brown which I won’t watch – I think she agreed to the interview to drum up publicity for herself – cause she never reveals anything new – I won’t listen to black women coddle black men anymore.

    Rihanna’s not a role model model for black women – with her sex orgy drug persona
    - celebrities are not role models period. Now that Oprah’s retired from her show, she’s interviewing everyone and anyone before she’s ‘fully’ retired. Black women need to stop supporting other black women that portray them negatively.

    GoldenAh: Rihanna went through quite a backlash with this interview. I think she forgot that white people support her and, unlike crazy black folks, they take domestic violence very seriously. Her full gambit of playing the black dysfunctional – “sympathize with the BM who beats me” – card may start costing her the white fan base – who are the biggest buyers of her music.

    Black women need to stop supporting other black women that portray them negatively.

    Amen.

31. Erica
    August 19th, 2012 @ 6:04 PM

    Agree with Brenda55. Oprah isn’t perfect
    -no one is- she doesn’t have to help anyone. There are many people who, if became rich would never give back to anyone – there are people who do that now – and they’re not rich -but because she’s a rich black woman, she must help all blacks without question – even if they refuse to help themselves – this is never asked of black men or black male celebs.

    GoldenAh: They are a lot of wealthy, and not-so-wealthy, people who help others and don’t celebrate themselves for doing it. They don’t advertise it or tell anyone. There was one multi-millionaire who gave away all his money and kept $5 mil. He was asked, Why? He said that’s all he needed. The thing with some of them, is that once they make a couple of million, they know how to do it again and again.

32. Faith
    August 19th, 2012 @ 6:15 PM

    Oprah, like MOST black women are self-tied to PAIN PORN and BLACKISTAN. They don’t WANT to let go. This makes them unreliable allies and potential combatants when it comes to YOU and YOUR SUCCESS. They will act accordingly.

    GoldenAh: One of the things I found distasteful about her is that all she could focus on in the first few years was: rape, incest, rape, brutal childhoods, beatings, incest, and rape ad nausea over and over again. I figured she was crazy on some level. I couldn’t stomach talking, reading or even hearing about those topics day in and day out. But she lapped that stuff up. That gave her a thrill. Oprah was animated by it.

    And she changed society in a bad way: notice that all her best sellers were “tell all” stories from drug addicts and all sorts of truly disgusting people? Each author had to write a miserable story outdoing the last sad sack. Her downfall, or declining popularity, started when she’d get busted for showcasing book authors who were obvious liars, plagiarizers and kooky frauds. And I think people were getting sick of the dysfunctional crap, even her New Age stuff ended up killing harming people.

33. samadhi101
    August 19th, 2012 @ 7:21 PM

    @ Faith
    I remember reading a post by Evia about how a lot of BW believe being a BW is a pain based identity. Your right, she just refuses to heal and move on. She seems to believe pain is her legacy. The BW pain porn legacy is fetishized though by both blacks and non blacks, for example your considered more soulful if you “sing like a BW”. Think of how non-BW who sing like BW project the image that they’ve endured great suffering and are wiser because of it. I like Adele and loved Amy Winehouse’s music but I could always see through the image they created for themselves. There are scores of other non-BW artist like them. Too many BW use pain porn as a badge of honor, weird since our ancestors genuinely wanted happy lives.

    @ Lita
    Yeah, i often wonder why she even cancelled her show if she’s reduced herself to interviewing the Kardashians. She finally let Blackistan wear her down and she’s interviewing ALL black celebrities no matter how repugnant their behaviors been.

34. Faith
    August 20th, 2012 @ 8:36 AM

    @samadhi101 This is an old post of mine http://actsoffaithblog.com/it%e2%80%99s-time-to-let-go-of-the-pain-porn but we’ve all discussed the chosen suffering identity fed to BW as somehow being noble. Like how being in poverty is supposed to make you more pious. It’s abnormal, burdensome thinking.

35. Eva
    August 20th, 2012 @ 11:43 AM

    @Erica I really loved what you said about Oprah, especially this:

    @”Some blacks are acting simple. They know what they need to achieve success – but want the easy route – financially through handouts or by criminal means. This is why blakistan must be left behind ’cause it’s survival comes from muling black women.

    Oprah came from the same place these people did – she grew up in poverty the same as them, and succeeded without handouts. There’s a difference between someone learning a skill so they can earn a living – and someone that uses one as a mule.”

    These same black “men” don’t ask people like Diddy what they’re doing to help black people, why, because Diddy has a whole bunch of children? So if a man has children they don’t have to help anybody? That’s just wrong. No one is supposed to be a doormat.

    I have a cousin who told her son that if he wanted to hang out in the street and make babies, don’t come to her for money, her daughter did go to school and made something of herself, so my cousin did help her.

    To this day, her son is still hanging out and making babies and his mother is NOT returning his calls, and now she’s left the state so he can’t bother her anymore.

    Sometimes you have to be selfish, in fact it’s not really selfishness, it’s self-preservation. Years ago I was helping a woman who was trying to get clean, when she relapsed and wasn’t interested in sobriety anymore, I told her to call me when she wanted to get sober, when the pain got too much. I wasn’t being mean or selfish, but I can’t afford to let another addict try to drag me down in the dirt with them, if they want to come out, then that’s fine; but I can’t help anybody if I’m down, playing in the dirt with them.

36. Keisha
    August 20th, 2012 @ 10:05 PM

    ‘From what I understand from doctors (pregnancy from rape) is rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
    -Republican Todd Akin

    ‘Todd Akin believes if a woman gets pregnant from rape, she must have wanted it to happen, because otherwise invisible magic elves would have stormed her uterus and destroyed all the intruding semen, thus preventing conception.’
    -Marci Sischo
    http://marcisischo.com/2012/08/20/todd-akin-thinks-women-dont-get-pregnant-from-rape/

    Todd Akin believes women can’t get pregnant from rape – whether it’s stranger or relative. Rape is rape no matter who the perpetrator is
    -everyone knows when you learn about sex in grade school how woman get pregnant. These republicans are acting simple – they don’t believe in rape or abortion under any circumstances. Even the few who might not feel this way aren’t correcting the ones that do.

    That’s why I’m a democrat and pro choice. Only a woman can decide what is best for her
    - that’s not a decision for a man to make. Republicans are always saying racist, sexist, homophobic comments hiding behind their religion or government, with their fake apologies.

    I’ve read stories during the 50′s when abortion was illegal, so women would get back back alley abortions – doing it to themselves, or using people who weren’t qualified
    - maiming their bodies or causing death.

    GoldenAh: Yeah, he’s an idiot, but since he’s not running in my state – he doesn’t concern me. And outside of genuine distaste for his comments, I shrug.

    Would be nice if people focused on criminals and started really punishing them. There needs to be more innovative thinking about prevention of crimes and capturing criminals. Like, making sure repeat sex offenders are sterilized. Having a nationwide database of DNA for people who commit these kinds of crimes (if one doesn’t exist already).

    For me, abortion is a non-starter. I don’t get animated about it. Life is complicated. Today, a woman could take drugs to cause an abortion. There are options for everything. And some women will and have died or become sterile from “safe” abortions. Even from regular sex the chances of impregnation are low. On average, it takes a few months of dedicated regular sex for a couple to get pregnant. However, for those who do not want children should take all precautions available.

    Advances in medical technology made women its biggest beneficiaries, since many died in childbirth along with the baby. Sometime after the Civil War, abortion became a focus of the gov’t – led by the people. The banning of abortion in many states probably culminated with Prohibition, which pretty much made nearly everything illegal. The difference between the two is that abortion was banned by individual states, Prohibition was a constitutional amendment.

    Before then, people could drink alcohol, take heroin, opium, cocaine, and do whatever they wanted until the “progressives” of the time decided that the gov’t should completely control the moral impulses of the population. They wanted no alcohol. They wanted a dry country. Maybe in their eyes, people were too licentious. Americans have been fighting over these kinds of laws ever since.

    Don’t expect the social / moral wars to go away. And the sides change all the time as well. Yesterday’s progressives could become tomorrow’s conservatives and vice verse.

    There may come a day when scientists find a DNA that indicates homosexuality. That group might become anti-abortion, and the GOP could accept gay marriage as a trade. That’s how politics works….

37. Emma
    August 22nd, 2012 @ 9:45 AM

    Not to spoil the enthusiasm for space travel but as far as we know, we’re living on the best rock out there. Have you seen the moon? Dust, dust dust. The best thing about the moon is the view of earth.

    GoldenAh: True, but people live in or visit barren snow and desert regions, underground, above endless water and many other places on planet Earth.

    I picture a place where they’ve done some development in these locations, it’s not just a barren vista. Think of how lame a lot of areas on Earth were before the landscaping began.

    Girl, use your imagination!

38. Emma
    August 22nd, 2012 @ 10:25 AM

    ‘From what I understand from doctors (pregnancy from rape) is rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
    -Republican Todd Akin

    I’ve been doing a good job of avoiding a lot of material I feel will infect my mind – so wish I hadn’t read that. Excuse me while I wash my brain with carbolic.

39. samadhi101
    August 22nd, 2012 @ 11:14 AM

    Mitt Romney’s running mate,Paul Ryan, is the talk of the town now because, get this,: he had a black girlfriend in college. It all apparently started with an article The Root did, which went viral. Seriously *eyeroll* all I did was type in Paul Ryan in my search engine, cause I didn’t know much about him and the first suggestion was “Paul Ryan black girlfriend”. the writer Keli Goff’s main point is basically “Just because he dated a black girl doesn’t mean he isn’t a bigot.” She then backtracks with the whole “I’m not sayin he’s racist bit…” I’m not sure why she thought this was relevant topic. Obama dated WW in college but no one cared and it was never brought up (it isn’t relevant). I definitely don’t agree Paul Ryan on most issues, but his dating history is just as irrelevant. I’m sensing that double standard about WW/BM and BW/WM rearing it’s ugly head.

    GoldenAh: That’s it right there, that double-standard. Why in order to be a fanatical supporter of Obama, must black women who date conservative white men be thrown under the bus and have said bus back up over us a few more times? Do we not notice that these conservative white men marry? Do we not notice that the neighborhoods they control are safer? What neighborhoods are the ones that black women are the least safe in? Are they not run by Democrats? Is it not the heart of Blackistan?

    Men on average will be more conservative than women, whether it’s fiscal or social issues. That’s their nature. Have we not seen that a lot of liberal white women have no trouble marrying conservative white men? And isn’t there always a black man happy to marry some racist white woman? At least black women make sure their IR partner has respect for black people.

    I’m not surprised Paul Ryan had a black girlfriend. He has a black sister-in-law. Folks have to realize a guy’s political beliefs can have little to do with who and how he socializes….

    That Root writer is not just being naive and disengenious, she’s stupid as well. It’s all about reinforcing the walls of Blackistan to keep black women paranoid about their IRRs. Why doesn’t she write an article about all these black males who talk black nationalism, like her boss Mr Gates, but marry white and keep their women safely out of the limelight? Basically, Mr Gates is pimping KG out to do this bit of racism chasing.

    There are plenty of other legit areas of social and economic policy she can disagree with Paul Ryan about. All these bloggers and writers flagging endless racism charges against Obama’s opponent are not going to help him get re-elected. It’s more likely to backfire. And if it happens, they will have no one to blame but themselves.

    Great observations, Samadhi101!

    By the way, I think Paul Ryan is hot. He turned smokin’ hot when I heard about the black girlfriend. Yeah, I’m shallow….

40. belleafrique
    August 23rd, 2012 @ 8:19 AM

    Oprah can never give enough to satisfy everyone. The only way SOME people can be satisfied is if she was to go broke and self destruct. Now that would make some people really excited.

    GoldenAh: True.

41. Sharla
    August 23rd, 2012 @ 11:28 PM

    Was thinking white people have their own version of ‘pain porn’ with the media. Whenever white girls go missing, there’s a lifetime movie, round the clock coverage, tell all book rehashing the incident.
    Jon Benet, caycee anthony, nicole simpson etc.

    When white women are accused of crimes whether or not their guilty, usually get less jail time or time served. Because white women are seen as innocent victims or brainwashed by others.

    There was a white couple who raped and murdered girls including the wife’s sister which they taped. Husband got life. Wife claimed spousal abuse, even though the tapes show her actively participating. She got a plea deal, was released, remarried with three kids.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karla_Homolka

    White people bringing in psychiatrists to determine why the person did the crime. But with non whites they’re immediately sent to jail, no questions asked. Also realizing some blacks who commit crimes didn’t have to do it, and fuel paranoia of racist whites. When non whites are accused of crimes, even with little evidence, they would find a way to convict them.

    GoldenAh: A strong network to locate missing people is fine with me. I would hope they show everyone who is missing the same level of concern.

    I don’t see the “missing white girl” issue as pain porn. I see it as people who value themselves way way WAY above others, and letting folks know that they won’t stand for their girls going missing or imperiled.

    Maybe we need to take a page from their victim ideology and stop pretending to be “strong black women” ’cause it is killing us. And the belief system where white women are unable to willingly harm others will always be with us….

    It’s up to us to be concerned about us, ’cause no one else is going to be until we are.

42. Ragnar Rokk
    August 25th, 2012 @ 1:26 AM

    White pain porn is just a modernized Little Red Riding Hood folklore.

    The original non-sanitized story warn of the unknown forest where men she do not know (the wolf) are out to harm her.
    This was before the modern welfare state of today.

    But in todays world women can not be told the brutal reality as you are free and equal to go where ever you want good or bad so the shift to digging in the gore and minute by minute cover. That is catering to the women.

    Your precious just for being a woman.
    So you qualify to get the old unwritten laws handed in your woman card.
    Play it right and you gain from it the max. Play it wrong and lose it all.

    We men go berserk to avenge you, but if you lie or we find out you brought it on your self by letting it happen men will feel “betrayed”. And we men lose interest, and/or your legacy will be tainted.
    Young men of these days woman equality are more aware of this than the older generations. Just to give you a hint.

    And the closer you are the more we care.
    Some weeks ago a young woman went missing, and the days after I heard the helicopters hovering over her last seen place. That was on your mind the whole day. Not a good feeling. If she was a non-white, different religion, or from a criminal subculture I am not going to lie I would not care as much as I did/do.

    Its a tribal thing old as the earth it self. Goes like this white world wide, euro, scandinavian, norwegian, people I know.

    GoldenAh: Perhaps in stronger cultures people, who regarded themselves with high esteem, valued their daughters enough to let them have land and assets (maybe not as much as the oldest sons) which would be inherited from her matrilineal (much more likely) or patrilineal line.

    In weaker cultures, I wouldn’t be surprised if daughters were considered another mouth to feed and could be easily traded (enslaved) like cattle. She had no property rights, because she was property to begin with. If people came to trade for them as slaves, why would that culture mind? If she ended up missing, why would they care?

    And I believe that particular cultural legacy has, in some ways, stayed with us.

43. amy
    August 25th, 2012 @ 3:30 PM

    I am a longtime reader/lurker but I had to deposit my $0.02 on the issue of pain porn due to my own personal experience. Growing up in a third world country, I was surrounded by lots of poverty and violent crime was rampant. However, anyone who managed to make it out of poverty tried to adopt a new identity to go with their newly found affluence. It was widely accepted that just because you were born and raised in a slum doesn’t mean you have to carry on with ill-fitting behaviors and antics learned in that environment. Upon moving back to America, I spent a lot of time hanging out with African American women from all sorts of background. I started to notice how the BW doing well on the socio-economic front were going out of their way to identify with the ones happily dwelling in the gutter.

    I couldn’t understand why these women who have made it would insist on dragging these ne’er do wells with them. It took me quite a while to see how the mainstream media and the black (non) think-tank push the ‘being downtrodden is a virtue’ message upon BW. They also imply that it is a NATURAL state for a BW and therefore those who don’t fit that image must be doing something wrong. I started to fall for this myself but my eyes were opened by an incident involving many BW and non-BW alike. That was when I saw that BW were the only ones being pressured to embrace this toxic image while other women are encouraged to shun that same image. Many BW embrace this message out of the need to feel morally superior. They grin and bear it thinking that a special reward will be given to them in due time.

    Bottomline is this- being the thing that other people are glad they are not, the thing they feel sorry for will get you nothing but useless sympathy. It won’t help you live a fulfilling life but it will keep you wasting your time and energy on things that doesn’t improve your situation. Nobody is ever going to be lauded for willfully participating in their own abuse.

    GoldenAh: Fantastic comment, Amy. You have touched on this thing with black women and embracing a damaging mindset that irks me more than anything. Some BW have a bit of a herd mentality where these Queen Bees will spend all their time trying to get the “uppity” black women back in line for needless, endless suffering and debasement.

    Over on WAOD – there’s an incredible take down of some BW bloggers, while they’re pretending to be “enlightened journalists”, use Ebony to defend a rapist.

    For all the faults of some BM, at least they know how to let cut loose and get out of Dodge.

    And your insight was definitely worth way more than 2 cents! Thanks to inflation….

44. MsMellody
    August 25th, 2012 @ 4:25 PM

    Amy, that was beautifully stated. Thank you.

    I personally enjoyed learning from your perspective!! Isnt it great that there are blogs like this where we can exchange LIFE affirming info like this.

    One of the most important items that I learned from your response is this issue of “being downtrodden seen as a virtue”.

    Wow – I too was just as suprised over the past few years in particular – seeing upper middle class well educated women still congregating/emulating their old lower class upbringing. All the while singin’ that song about “keepin it real”.

    Your comment really cemented an issue for my own personal life that I had been giving a lot of thought. I know now WITHOUT a DOUBT that ending a previous friendship with a young lady who constantly berated me/my life choices was the right thing to do. Thanks for your comment Amy- it was powerful.

45. samadhi101
    August 25th, 2012 @ 11:49 PM

    I’m not sure if anyone has heard of Doc McStuffins but it’s a new t.v. show on Disney about a black girl who wants to be doctor like her mom, so she takes care of broken toys. Her father is a stay at home dad. It’s really cute and show is really popular now. I work at a toy store and the toys are flying off the shelf.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCMqD1Bjxlc

    GoldenAh: Cute. And it is absolutely wonderful there’s a positive show involving a little black girl. As a kid I was fond of Batman (with the wise-cracking Adam West), due to Eartha Kitt as Catwoman. I loved Star Trek, because of Nichelle Nicols (Spock too!), and the show gave me positive feelings about science / technology.

46. Kendra
    August 25th, 2012 @ 11:59 PM

    I like some of Tyler Perry’s movies – the few that aren’t pain porn for blacks….

    Would Tyler Perry’s movies with the madea character be popular if he wasn’t a black man dressed as a black woman?

    What does these movies say about black women?

    ‘Precious’ ‘The Help’ ‘Norbit’- two of the biggest pain porn movies for blacks.

    GoldenAh: Oprah assisted with the release of Precious, then she ran around saying that “all of us” were precious. I know it may be hard for her to believe, but not every black girl was a rape or molestation victim. Some of us had rather nice and dull childhoods; nothing particular or peculiar.

47. Selita
    August 26th, 2012 @ 2:16 AM

    Are metrosexual men too similar to women?

    I like alpha men who are agressive, athletic, tshirt & jeans****

    GoldenAh: I don’t know if they’re called hipsters, but I hate all those vodka ads with those weird guys in black and white. They’re just too hip and irritating. I can’t even remember the brand, but I feel disgust every time I see it online.

    And don’t get me started on skinny jeans: I prefer seeing a guy in baggies than those things. Ugh.

48. kai
    August 26th, 2012 @ 2:24 AM

    Like The Color Purple – but it had elements of pain porn with how black women were treated. Depressing but good film.

    Coming to America – Waiting to Exhale – good films for black women – though they were all dating various forms of dbr black men – but no one calling them ugly, beating them, or living in poverty as other pain porn films with blacks in them.

    GoldenAh: I hate to say it, but I never read anything by Maya Angelou. I’ve bought a book or two and gave them away, because I could never get into her stories. I’ve never read Toni Morrison’s Bluest Eye. Her best story were Sula and Song of Solomon. Those should have been made into movies. An Oscar level director had a lot of excellent material to work with in Song of Solomon, but I think a lot of folks aren’t into complex black people.

    Stories about miserable and abused black girls never interested me as a kid. I liked to read history, lots of romances and science fiction books.

49. Erica
    August 26th, 2012 @ 3:27 AM

    GoldenAah – ‘People see men with children as more important, which is valid to a degree…’

    Are you saying black men are valued more than black women and girls in the black community or society in general?

    The last time black women received major news coverage for being victims of crime was Anita Hill and Rihanna/chris brown…

    Crimes commited against black women/black girls – specifically in the black community go unreported or get little news coverage.

    But if it’s crimes against black men from non blacks, they want justice. Black women – nothing.

    GoldenAh: I mean if parents are prioritizing their own children over that of the so-called “black community” or their own selfish ends then, of course, no one should criticize them. They are putting family first. That’s instinctive. Where it goes awry is regardless of a black woman’s situation everyone feels entitled to tell her how to live and what to do with her money.

    Hope I was clear on this.

50. Joyce
    August 26th, 2012 @ 4:30 AM

    Has anyone heard of black activist Kola Boof?

    I thought she was a good spokesperson for black women, but then I read of her bizarre connection to bin laden – as one his forced girlfriends – she seems to see him as a troubled man who channeled his anger incorrectly – instead of a killer who helped orchestrate the 9/11 incident.

    Kola boof part of bin laden’s harem
    http://scopeam.blogspot.com/2011/12/kola-boof-osama-bin-ladens-mistress.html

    Kola boof’s blog
    http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010/03/introducing-kola-boof.html

    GoldenAh: I see stuff about Kola, but I’m neutral. She makes rather cogent and insightful remarks about colorism among black people. I give her props for that.

    Overall, I don’t really know much besides a few things I’ve read on Facebook.

51. Joyce
    August 26th, 2012 @ 4:41 AM

    Forgot to add I discovered Kola Boof from another Black Women Empowerment site – they didn’t do their research when reccomending her as a good spokesperson for black women, because of her sympathy she showed towards bin laden as his forced ‘girlfriend.’

    GoldenAh: I gathered from what little I’ve read, her point being that black women are captured and imprisoned by middle eastern (and other) men, but barely anyone (the “authorities”) bats an eye when we go missing. Sort of like what happens here in the USA. Her story was that she couldn’t free herself from her imprisonment. ‘Cause everyone seems to think black women are all-powerful she-creatures, when in fact we are the most vulnerable women around the world: no one is interested in protecting us. I believe her other point was that those men aren’t just obsessed with blue-eyed blonds that the media wants everyone to believe.

    Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if black women are still being kidnapped and imprisoned (even through-out Europe) and taken away, but no one is going to raise a national or international alarm like they would for a few white girls.

52. Jessie
    August 26th, 2012 @ 5:04 AM

    White celebrities who adopt black kids – usually adopt black boys instead of girls.

    Personal Trainer Jillian Michaels – girl
    Angelina Jolie – girl
    Madonna – boy
    Sandra Bullock – boy

    Some blacks who get mad when whites adopt black kids when these celebrities who adopt them from Africa, third world countries who otherwise would have starved to death or become criminals, not because of their race, but from living in a poor country. No reason for them to be angry unless they were planning to adopt every poor black child on the planet.

    GoldenAh: Adopting children from poor black countries is a noble effort, yet it’s a band aid. The greater question I have is: Why are so many black children going hungry in these countries? What’s going on with the governance of black countries that after all the billions in foreign aid (mostly US tax dollars), things are still effed up? Even Asian countries that gained independence around the same time – say nearly 50 years ago – are doing much better….

53. Alonna
    August 26th, 2012 @ 5:50 AM

    How can we as black women protect our image when shaquille oneal’s ex wife shaunie, a black woman, has sold black women’s image with her reality show Basketball wives? And the others: Flavor of Love and Love & Hip Atlanta portray black women at their most negative. Of course there will always be black women who portray themselves negatively or don’t care if others see them as ghetto.

    But to have a show and specifically find black women willing to coon for money with every negative stereotype – to have that created by a black woman is the ulitimate betrayal. Aside from the net, there are few mediums for black women to support each other. It would be nice if everyone on black women blogs could get together for monthly meetings and create networks together, but for now this is what we have.

    I used to think black women should have their own talk show, but that would release the haters. If there were a show for black women that was a forum for discussing issues similar to what’s discussed on black women blogs, we would have to be careful of how we discuss things – because whenever black women decide to stop being mules and live a quality life, that’s when the zombies from Blakistan and others that don’t want us to succeed attack.

    GoldenAh: I plead ignorance. I don’t have cable. I watch online shows and those I review here on occasion. I see chatter about BBW and what-not, but I don’t pay any attention to it. I have a lot of personal time constraints these days.

    Positive content has to be found and acknowledged, otherwise we’re going to be dwelling in self-defeating thoughts.

54. Sharla
    August 26th, 2012 @ 4:02 PM

    Meant the media specificially choosing white women whom they see as beautiful helpless victims – never showing other races of women. If she’s blonde, they always mention her hair color saying, ‘She was a beautiful blonde’ when her hair color had nothing to do with anything, and if she’s not blonde, the media don’t go out of there way to mention hair color.

    Or white women who commit crimes and say the black guy did it (black men need to work on their own negative stereotype of how their perceived by the media so they’re not the go to when being blamed for crimes) the white woman that drowned her kids – said black guy did it, the white woman that falsely said she was kidnapped before her wedding by black and hispanic man…or white women who get away with commiting crimes because of they’re gender.

    Not saying all white women are like this, just the way the media jumps on the story without investigating fully.

55. Sharla
    August 26th, 2012 @ 4:15 PM

    The way the media and society treats white women predators who have sexual relations with kids – compared to white male predators who have sexual relations with kids is apalling….

56. Joyce
    August 26th, 2012 @ 4:27 PM

    Meant to say Kola Boof makes valid points about black women and black men, but that will be forever overshadowed by her bizarre connection to bin laden. If she gave a public interview explaining how she was a victim of him and denounced him, and stopped having online feuds with people she dislikes, that would make her look more sympathetic, and let people focus on her activism for black women.

    GoldenAh: I guess you’ll have to set your expectations to where she’s at now. Then you’ll have to take what’s useful, and leave what’s not. You sound discerning enough to know. We all use a gut check. I don’t actively follow anyone, but collect the most useful information, advice and work to make the best of it.

57. Cherie
    August 26th, 2012 @ 4:46 PM

    This comment sort of goes along with the pain porn comments concerning black women. I was wondering if it was just me or have others experienced/witnessed this.I’ve noticed that when a black woman has had a pretty much regular and decent upbringing to where she didn’t have to endure too much of a struggle she gets looked at as being outside the norm or “too privileged” to some people. We all have troubles in life no matter what but I’m talking about just an average middle class upbringing without the dysfunction level of the movie “precious” and other down trodden black woman movies. I’m in college and I’ve had my white female boss make snarky comments about me being “spoiled” because I didn’t give them the “struggle” story my other black female co-worker gave. My black co-worker is not the blame because she really did live a tough life and I got to know her even more after she shared her story, she’s a sweet girl. However, as time went along and my white female coworkers started to learn more about how I grew up, they seem bothered by the fact that my background was very similar to theirs. I started hearing “spoiled” remarks from my boss. I was very confused because I didn’t grow up with the “daddy bought me a BMW” upbringing. Just a standard two income middle class household up until my parents divorced and I have been working since I was 16. I was confused because I never made comments about my material possessions to come off as spoiled and she has told me herself that I have a strong work ethic. It had me wondering if I just didn’t fit the mold of the black girl who came from nothing and didn’t know her father story she thinks most of us come have.

    GoldenAh: I’ve been on trips overseas, and the only people lingering to ask me incredibly intrusive and stupid questions about “how” and “why” I’m on this particular tour / country are middle-aged white women. If their men are walking within 2 feet of me they’ll have a fit.

    I don’t get angry or upset with them, because they’re letting me know what’s cracked them wide open. On my last few trips, though, I’ve figured out how to be where they aren’t in “season” like during the school year, late fall or spring. And I’ve noticed some husbands are going talk to me regardless of how the wife feels about it. {{eyes widened innocently with a confused shrug}}

    I told this clown at my job that I am a spoiled Princess. My parents treated me good. If that bothers them, too bad. Sometimes I’ll rub it in a person’s face, or I’ll just ignore them. Some people aren’t worth your precious time.

58. Cheyenne
    August 26th, 2012 @ 5:32 PM

    CHERIE – Be careful of some whites who work with black people and only see them as a stereotype. When black women assimilate in the workplace they must be on point, so they don’t fall into a negative stereotype that some whites love to see them as.

    You must always look nice, healthy. Don’t get angry – they want to see ‘angry black women’ come out. Don’t get involved with ‘office drama.’ This is not ‘Sweet Valley High’. Drama is not good for black women. If there are other blacks you work with, vet them to see if they’re like you, or do they consider another black woman competition to work with?

    Never give details about your personal life to anyone you work with – that could be used against you later when the people you work with might tell your personal info to everyone to cause drama. When talking to racist whites, be polite but blunt.

    Thought not all white people are like this – the ones that are should be avoided like the plague. They don’t like black people and don’t want to see them succeed. If you have to work with whites who are racist, only work with them on a professional level, and do not socialize with them outside of work unless mandatory.

    You should also continuously look for other work, because working with racist whites – they will try to sabotage your work, or make your life stressful. And telling ‘the boss’ might not work, because they have more power, and it’s not a safe place for black women to be in.

59. Ragnar Rokk
    August 27th, 2012 @ 1:23 AM

    @Sharla
    or white women who get away with commiting crimes because of they’re gender.

    Many white men want to know also. Guess its from the old days when the women was in the background. Cant get a maximum penalty if your not the head of the game. So it was a signal of who is 1st and 2nd player?

    But in these liberated times that is still not adjusted. Some like it that way?
    But then how long was it before the modern liberation time entered? Late 80s, 60s, after WW2, or women voting right around 1900?

60. MsMellody
    August 27th, 2012 @ 10:58 AM

    Betty said; “Maybe we need to take a page from their victim ideology and stop pretending to be “strong black women” ’cause it is killing us.”…..

    And I second this with all emotion/logic and enthusiasm!!!!

61. MsMellody
    August 27th, 2012 @ 11:03 AM

    To Cherie – Please take heed to what Cheyenne said. Cheyenne was correct and totally on point with her reply to you. I just wanted to chime in and let you know that you answered your own question when you wrote “It had me wondering if I just didn’t fit the mold of the black girl who came from nothing and didn’t know her father story she thinks most of us come have.”

    You clearly got the point – yes, when a black woman doesnt fit the stereotype many whites have a hard time trying to figure you out. And then when they ( white woman) cannot deal with you NOT fitting into their perception of a “black” woman you will get called names.

    Very similar to a situation I am dealing with in my condo community. I am very careful about details about my personal life…and yet I have had neighbors who my husband and I were having over our home for dinner gossip about us..and me in particular.

    I immediately understood that it was white woman jealousy about “why is it I ( the black woman ) can stay home..and she has to work”.

    So be very careful, and clearly set your boundaries.

    GoldenAh: I think no one understands this issue, but some of us black women. It is really tough to be yourself (normal, sedate, calm, well-spoken, relaxed, happy, intelligent and thoughtful, etc.) around people (black, white, whatever) who expect you to embody every bizarre stereotype they get from the media.

    We do not get the benefit of the doubt that we are well-adjusted regular human beings. People want to believe there’s something off. If we don’t fulfill the ugly stereotype(s) and seem normal, then somehow we’re the ones regarded as odd. Or we’ll get insulting banter about how uppity, extra special and spoiled we are. I’ve ignored many disrespectful nitwits over the years, because I wouldn’t tolerate their behavior. Only when they come correct do I acknowledge them.

62. Cheyenne
    August 27th, 2012 @ 6:24 PM

    CHERIE – If questioned by white women or black women about your personal life, you can be vague without revealing anything personal.

    Beware of other blacks – women and men who could be jealous of you, because they consider you compeititon. Do not confide or reveal personal info. to them either. And when working on projects with others – back up your files, keep detailed records of assignments you work on. Keep copies at home. It’s unfortunate, but some might attempt to sabotage or take credit for your work.

    Even if they seem nice – Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Not trying to be negative or pessimistic, just saying be aware. White women are like this because they have always had top rank in society, and when they see competition coming from black women, that alarms them.

    As always, save your money, and be on the lookout for other jobs – these types of people are not psychologically safe or healthy environment for black women to be in.

    GoldenAh: It is so stressful in the current work environment. Lordy.

    But everything you say is true….

63. Eva
    August 28th, 2012 @ 9:36 AM

    CHERIE: Be careful of other people, no matter what their race, there are snakes in every color.

    Never tell people too much information about your personal life, it’s just not appropriate for the work place. If no one asks you where you went on vacation, no need to mention it. The thing is it’s no one’s business what you do on your off time but yours, always talk about safe subject, like TV shows.

    Some might see you as being snobbish, but too bad.

64. MsMellody
    August 28th, 2012 @ 9:45 AM

    Good Morning All -

    Cheyenne – you are on fire girl!!! Your responses are so on target to the issue that my mom and I just had a chat about.

    From your response I am quickly gathering that you have had some real “wisdom” moments in your life. Me too girl, me too! And a quick side note – isnt it great that we have some where to pass along this kind of knowledge ( blogs like this and others!! ). Okay back to the wisdom teachings.

    My mom and I just had this talk where she reminded me of one of her favorite sayings that she said to me over and over back in my youth – “Learn to keep some things to yourself, because if you talk too much people will be able to stick a pin in what you say”

    I tried to type that conversation verbatim – but the essence of this is as follows;

    Be careful exposing your true opinions/business/life experiences because there may be someone in listening distance who is looking to STICK A PIN in what you say – meaning they put you IN A CATEGORY in their mind from which you will never escape from. In example – they have STUCK A PIN IN YOU UP ON THE MESSAGE BOARD in their mind ( put you in a box) and now you have NO WAY TO MANEUVER away from WHAT YOU VOLUNTEERED UP about yourself.

    Boom goes the dynamite people…see all that wisdom rolled up into one little comment my mother still reminds me about.

    I love those old folk wisdom sayings.

    This is in essence EVERYTING Cheyenne has responded with. I like your wisdom Cheyenne.

    Now on to my most recent development;

    1. Have lost over 20 pounds
    2. Have gone natural
    3. My mother actually recommended to a friend of hers that she should ENCOURAGE her daughter to date out–because this young lady had recently been accepted at a well known college!!

    Okay that last one blew me away!! My mother who has always accepted her white son in law..but still needed time to deal with her southern upbringing and ALL that went with that..and has now healed a lot of those old wounds through seeing how my life has been enhanced by a quality loving loveable green eyed handsome man!!!

    Wow.

65. MsMellody
    August 28th, 2012 @ 10:02 AM

    This is very important. I wanted to say this here, because I feel protected and valued as a woman here.

    During my recent natural transition..I had an epiphany;

    For the last 30 plus years ( not trying to tell my age lol!!) I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to maintain that straight hair mentality. Not so much as to literally burning my hair out with chemicals,blow dryers etc…just that CONSTANT state of low level anxiety trying to AVOID all water contact outside of weekly washings with my hair.

    I know that what I am talking about is understood here between black women…anyway…a few weeks ago I was sitting with my water spritzer bottle spraying my head preparing to do a twist out for the next day.
    I looked up into the mirror and saw my hand holding the spray bottle over my head and I had an outburst of laughter…I caught this glimpse of myself and in a milisecond I was mentally transported back to my childhood home and remembered the admonition of my mother about “stay out that water..I just straightened your hair”..and other comments about “keeping that water away from your hair/head comments”….and I laughed and laughed ( yes it was one of those really ironic funny moments ) and back in front of that mirror I said out loud – ” its a shame that I spent all those years running from the very thing that would have given my hair the very thing it desired and needed”.

    Now that I got all of that out – I cannot put into words the happiness I feel with a free scalp, the burgeoning of a crown of glorious natural hair that I can twist out and braid out and wear blown out…let me stop before this is perceived as the signalling of the “hair wars”.

    My opinion is only in reflection to “my experience” and should NOT be taken as a reflection upon ANYONE except me. Your mileage may vary.

    Also – I am not a child of the internet age and I have been blown away by the leaps and bounds of technology and the AVAILABILITY of information. The amount of info I have learned in the past 4 weeks has caused me to examine every bit of myself and my old assumptions and issues. And this new information has been so welcome and beneficial to me that I just wanted to express that here.

    Thanks Betty for your links in your response to my earlier responses. Your photos were lovely, and I gained another step in my learning curve from your links as well!!!!

    GoldenAh: I hear you, MsMellody! Although I spent most of my life as a natural head, it was always a mess. I had the crispiest, driest, hardest and knottiest hair around. I had no idea what I was doing. And to find out, like you, that moisture was the best thing. Shows how we’re been raised to believe something is harmful, until we test that theory out, because it might not be true.

    Always a pleasure, MsMellody….

66. Cheyenne
    August 28th, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

    Thanks for the positive feedback MsMellody!
    I’m also trying to lose about 30 pounds. After going to Bally’s gym for 10 years, switched to Zumba and other areobics classes.

    Went natural last year. Tried wigs for a few months but they felt hot and itchy – resembled doll’s hair – didn’t want to wear weaves the rest of my life – on impulse decided to cut my hair. It takes 10 minutes to wash and style my hair! Below is a model of the new hairstyle with links to the 3 products I use – shampoo, conditioner, foam wrap lotion. And it’s good to see black women dating out and not wasting their time with dbr black men.

    New Hairstyle
    http://cdn.static.telepixtv.com/photos/essencegallery2/system/images/gallery/001/156/373/full/malinda-williams-green-room-lounge-opening.jpg

    Shampoo & Conditioner
    http://www.thestyleandbeautydoctor.com/2011/10/pantene-hair-products-for-every-hair-type/

    Foam Wrap Lotion
    http://www.minimus.biz/Motions-Foaming-Wrap-Lotion-C03-0550903-8200.aspx

67. MsMellody
    August 28th, 2012 @ 1:55 PM

    Oh wow!! Thank you Cheyenne for this info.

    I have always loved the Pantene for Colored Girls ( that is my loving euphamism for this product line )!! It really does what it says it will do.

    Pantene as a whole is a great value for beauty care. And I never heard of that site Minimus.biz…but wow that is a great site to look for travel size/intro size products.

    Thanks again!! Keep on rockin that natural beautiful you!!!

68. Shanice
    August 29th, 2012 @ 1:44 AM

    You can delete previous post. Condensed version. Heard this song on the radio a few years ago from black eyed peas member william –talking about women’s bodies. Black men that only discuss women in reference to their bodies like their prostitutes. I know most of hip hop music is degrading to black women, but couldn’t resist posting this. This is why black women need to stay away from black men that listen to rap.

    ‘I Got it From My Mama’
    ‘ALL THAT FISH (EUPHANISM FOR VAGINA)RIGHT HERE, I GOT ALL THIS FROM MY MAMA’

    ‘IF THE MAMA REAL UGLY, I GUARANTEE SHE G’ON BE UGLY LIKE HER MAMA’

    GoldenAh: I always thought something was up with a guy who has all black male members (okay, is one of them mixed?) and one white girl for his group. That tells me where his head is at. Blacks guys only show an interest in diversity with white women. Once you see they get to a certain level they either ignore black women or continue to dish out the insults.

    I don’t buy the music and I don’t listen to the radio stations of these people. I don’t want them to even benefit directly or indirectly from my money, or my consumer eyeballs / visits / clicks, etc. I’ll even wait to pick up the movie DVD at the library if I can’t stand some of the actors, but am still curious to see it.

69. Gabrielle
    August 29th, 2012 @ 3:09 AM

    What should be done about the new type of black woman that cares more about spending money on her weave and wearing the latest fashion than getting an education? Is willing to fight for dbr black men, have babies, on welfare? Criticizes other black girls who don’t wear the latest fashion?

    Attacks any black girls – gabby douglas – if they go outside of what is considered acceptable activities or relationships in the black community. The black women on reality shows that are willing to be paid – glorified for fighting with each other and over dbr black men. The ghetto black sites – bossip – that glorify the worst of blacks. The famous black women singers, actresses who make their money from black girls, but have negatively influenced them.

    GoldenAh: I’d recommend ignoring them, even mentioning those sites gives them a wider audience. Avoiding Blackistan applies to the online world as well.

70. MsMellody
    August 29th, 2012 @ 8:30 AM

    Quick response to Gabrielle -

    These people of which you talk – have already been labeled as The Acting Black Crew (ABC) or Damaged Beyond Repair (DBR) so that the rest of us normal people can readily identify them, categorize them and then avoid and nig-nore them!!

71. MsMellody
    August 29th, 2012 @ 9:24 AM

    I am just going to leave this here…and let the discussions begin. Talk about a spiritual hurricane….

    http://obnoxioustv.wordpress.com/2012/08/26/hivaids-is-being-passed-around-full-gospel-baptist-like-it-is-holy-communion-bishop-paul-mortons-executive-assistant-husband-is-positive-and-facing-charges-for-hiv-reckless-behavior/

72. MsMellody
    August 29th, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

    I found this from a subreddit over at Reddit. It is really quite fascinating;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRz7Xwi1ypU&t=3m15s

73. Brenda55
    August 29th, 2012 @ 4:12 PM

    “What should be done about the new type of black woman that cares more about spending money on her weave and wearing the latest fashion than getting an education? Is willing to fight for dbr black men, have babies, on welfare? Criticizes other black girls who don’t wear the latest fashion?

    Attacks any black girls – gabby douglas – if they go outside of what is considered acceptable activities or relationships in the black community. The black women on reality shows that are willing to be paid – glorified for fighting with each other and over dbr black men. The ghetto black sites – bossip – that glorify the worst of blacks. The famous black women singers, actresses who make their money from black girls, but have negatively influenced them.”

    My response.
    What should be done?
    A. Avoid them.
    B. Build and live the best life you can.
    C. Champion positive progressive women.
    D. Do you. Don’t worry about DBRs they are
    lost.
    E. Eliminate sites,shows and entertainment
    that degrade black women from your life.
    F. Fund projects that support the betterment of
    black women and girls.
    Any one else want to fill in the rest of the alphabet?

    GoldenAh: Perfect advice.

    The Devil exists so we learn right from wrong, it doesn’t mean we follow his path. Once we’ve absorbed our lesson(s), we go on our merry way and not look back (turning into salt like Lot’s wife).

74. Cherie
    August 29th, 2012 @ 4:56 PM

    @Cheyenne & MS.Mellody Thank you for the advice. I will definitely put what you told me to use at work.

75. Cynthia
    August 30th, 2012 @ 12:02 AM

    Thinking about when Jennifer Hudson’s mother and brother were killed by her sister’s estranged boyfriend. She tried to move her mother to a safer neighberhood, but she wanted to stay with ‘her people.’ It’s sad when some family become so indoctrined to living in blakistan, they ignore the danger around them.

    After Dreamgirls, Jennifer Hudson turned down the ‘Precious’ film. After she and Jordin Sparks with her ‘Sparkle’ film lost weight, they stopped being asked to play ‘the fat black girl’in films.

    Black women need their own film company like Tyler Perry, so we don’t have films like ‘Norbit’ ‘Madea’ ‘Big Momma’s House’. ‘The Nutty Professor’ where the whole family was morbidly obese eating and passing gas.

    All films where BLACK MEN dress as fat or unattractive black women for others to laugh at. This proves that black men don’t care about black women and how they’re portrayed in the media even though they have daughters.

76. MsMellody
    August 30th, 2012 @ 9:26 AM

    To Betty – that was very important to say..” avoiding Blackistan applies to the online world as well”….that was GREAT advise.

    I am cyber aware that my posting of that story about the pastor passing out HIV was very distasteful. However, I felt at that moment that this was SUCH a huge leap into the ABC women’s thought process that it was worth a quick read.

    And what I mean by ABC women’s thought process – I mean the one where you are “taught” in direct and indirect ways that only a black man will do..and that you are to do WHATEVER it takes to obtain said “good” -as in how good does it get when you go after a preacher/asst preacher/deacon etc -man.

    I was only referenced that story as a VERY cautionary RED letter tale to show that this was what could possibly wait for women who are foolish and do not take personal responsibility for themselves and their choices.

    Thank goodness the woman in that story tested negative…but the terror she must have felt waiting for her test results…just too much.
    Sigh

    GoldenAh: It’s worthwhile information to pass on, because we know someone out there has to take heed. I admit I miss the dynamics of what makes only a BM such a great catch for some black women, when so many better options are walking around. It’s a mystery to me. And the desperation factor of wanting a “good black man” makes them lose all sense of self-preservation, caution and self-regard.

    I read that gonorrhea (or syphilis) has gotten so bad that it’s becoming resistant to antibiotics. We’ve got people out there that need to be quarantined. Nothing but menaces to society.

77. Claudia
    August 31st, 2012 @ 6:19 PM

    Is dave chappelle offensive as a black comedian? Are most black comedians offensive to their own race? I think yes. Eddie Murphy, Katt Williams, Chris Rock – were funny black comedians – but even when making valid observations, it became overshadowed by their internalized racism, misogyny and constant use of the n word. And the racist whites are loving this.

    Dave chappelle apparently walked off his show when the crowd kept chanting ‘I’m rick james bitch!’ He began to think his show was degrading blacks and the network wanted him to keep churning out his blackface minstrel show of degrading blacks.

    Aside from when Prince plays basketball with Eddie Murphy, the role reversal of black/white man arrest, and when keeping it real goes wrong, I already thought most of his show was offensive to blacks. The skits where he played a blind man who was unaware he was black and the leader of the kkk, and the family from the 50’s that called themselves the n word – those were offensive, and I always wondered what he was thinking when making these skits, and how others would thinks of black people when watching these skits.

    Prince and Eddie Murphy
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaKHR6oe52Q

    Black Man White Man Arrest
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XoMVtqYdsA&feature=related

    When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5_w6eufFas

    Blind Black Leader of KKK
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i9iTYe6tEk

    Niggar Family
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTNopddkTsM

    GoldenAh: I was in Germany a few years back when I saw a rerun of one episode. It was unfiltered: none of the profanity cut out. The problem with Chappelle’s show was that he knew he was running out of material. The way to judge the quality of something is if it can stand the test of time. Can you comfortably watch this in front of non-blacks with the utterance of “nigger” every couple of seconds? Is there any other group in America that so freely and wantonly does this to itself for the world to see?

    Black men need to stop wondering why no one respects them. They do this to themselves.

    We’ve been living with Hip Hop / Rap, and now R&B, trashing us for over 25+ years. We shouldn’t be surprised by how low black men are willing to go to get the “white man” – that they complain about all day – to laugh at their minstrel style entertainment. No matter how big they talk, they always manage to fall back on shuck and jive like they’re still on a big plantation.

    And like I’ve said before, Hollywood puts out the most denigrating garbage about us and transmits it around the world. Does anyone think that American jokes, considering the unique history of black-white relations, will actually TRANSLATE? There is no context for the world to understand. We have people here who don’t even know certain things about American history and certain social dynamics. How could the rest of the world get that in a joke?

    We have black people with not a wit of intelligence who want to be considered “thought leaders” as they “entertain” in the most base and vile manner possible. Their message is that this is “what black people are”. And too many of us believe them.

    If the liberals / progressive and other phonies were real friends of black people, they would never give these people a career, but just note what they promote about us. Those actions speak way louder than words.

78. Honey
    August 31st, 2012 @ 7:23 PM

    What do you think caused the decline of the black community – some time after slavery and segregation?

    GoldenAh: Read books about or from Carter G. Woodson, W.E.B. DuBois, Marcus Garvey, Harriet Tubman, MLK, Malcom X, and so many others I cannot mention. You will see you’re looking after an issue that stretches back many generations.

    W.E.B. DuBois wrote Souls of Black Folks. Great book to read. You’ll see he writes about issues with black people that seems as if nothing changed.

    I don’t advise looking back, because that won’t make a difference. Look for something or someone positive to be motivated by. We will, as individuals looking forward, have a better future, but only when you worry about yourself.

79. MsMellody
    September 1st, 2012 @ 3:29 PM

    Okay. Everyone here..and this is especially for you younger COLLEGE aged on college campuses that are predominantly Black and those young women who refuse REFUSE to see the wisdom of these common sense teachings about mingling and EXPANDING your social circle..this video at the end of my words is ESPECIALLY FOR YOU!!!

    This right here is the VERY summation of everything that blogs like this are TEACHING AGAINST. In other words – this video is the VERY reason that women like myself are commenting and typing all over the BWE blogosphere and Common Sense blogosphere.

    When you as a young woman have an opportunity to escape your all Black enclaves..please DO NOT go into the college arena and only migrate/mingle/co-habitate with an ALL BLACK crowd.

    This young lady is from a large city. Seemed to make it out of a situation that is the “stereotype”. Please note that I said “seems to”. From the video I did not see her FATHER speak about anything, all the people I see around her crying grandmother were female..soooooo you know the drill an all female house…raised another black female to go forward and “get yo education girl…” BUT and this is the KEY – never instructed her on the common sense move to ALSO EXPAND her social circle, mingle and date out, mingle with a VARIETY of people. ( AND YES, the university she went to from my understanding happppppppens to be pretty much a large black enrollment)…She could have and SHOULD have EXPANDED her circle of friends/academics/roommates.

    Because here is the BITTER truth : If this young lady had been friends with a large group of white/Indian/Asian populace – first off this “bullying” would have been squashed SUPER FAST.

    Those of us who have TESTED this phenomenon know it to be true.

    I am sighing so heavily right now..because it is sad but avoidable. Please dont make your black or bi-racial daughters into “Educated Mules”.

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/videogallery/71281474/News/College-grad-gets-30-year-prison-sentence

    Not posted to be included into the pain porn..but as another cautionary tale of what happens when you avoid Common Sense.

80. MsMellody
    September 1st, 2012 @ 4:14 PM

    This one is for all the ladies who seem to still be haggling with the definition of a DBR black man. Here is a SUPREME example of an Educated DBR black male:

    He is a college graduate ( I am assuming this for this particular instance. But for the most part most if not all states in the union require that their academic staff have college degrees.) He is a high school girls basketball coach

    He considers himself to be “a supreme man” see second link.

    He is a working, college educated, black male..according to that “unicorn” theory of a “good black man”..at least from the outside looking in. But his disgusting innards are on full display and of course at a price..I think he took a page from that other black male that degrades black women…and who stole (allegedly) a book idea and parlayed that into a movie..and into an actual career..but I digress …here are the links.

    Here is a quick question – Would you have him teaching/coaching any child of yours after you read these links.

    And here is the ultimate question – Would you date a so called man like this??? Would you have had the vetting skills to figure this kind of clown out—even before getting wind of this magical tome?

    http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/sports/14832092-419/hs-girls-hoops-coach-writes-graphic-book-on-sex-women.html

81. MsMellody
    September 1st, 2012 @ 4:16 PM

    Here is the quote link;

    “Even though I feel I am BEYOND the HIGHEST QUALITY of MAN….”

    I nearly fell off my chair when I got to this quote…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/01/bryan-craig-rich-center-h_n_1848999.html

82. Brenda55
    September 1st, 2012 @ 7:35 PM

    MsMellody,
    That was a very sad and tragic story that you posted about Olivia Moody. Sad as it is there is a lot more to the story than what was depicted in the short film you posted. The rest of the story is here.

    http://www.blackmediascoop.com/2012/08/07/college-student-3-6-gpa-heads-to-prison-6-days-after-graduation/

    This young women shot her victim in the back as the victim was trying to flee. A split second decision with tragic consequences. She was so sure that she would be acquitted she opted for a jury trial instead of a plea deal that would have kept her out of prison.

    So many missed opportunities here.

    Sure a better location and a different circle of friends and acquaintances may have made the difference. Once you flee dysfunction you can never go back. However the article states that she was having trouble fitting in with her new circumstances and she gravitated back to the types of places and people that she was familiar with. Big mistake.

    Her insecurity is very real and is not unusual. It is almost as if she were acting on reflexes honed after years of living in a dysfunctional situation when she shot that gun.

    Sites like this one can help and surrounding your self with positive people can help also but it may not always be enough. How do you undo over twenty years of conditioning to change course to a more positive future?

83. MsMellody
    September 1st, 2012 @ 8:36 PM

    Hi Brenda55!!!!!

    You hit the nail square on the head with the following;

    “However the article states that she was having trouble fitting in with her new circumstances and she gravitated back to the types of places and people that she was familiar with. Big mistake.

    Her insecurity is very real and is not unusual. It is almost as if she were acting on reflexes honed after years of living in a dysfunctional situation when she shot that gun.”

    That is IT in it’s entirety. She had escaped for the most part the strum and drum of the typical violence of the city of Chicago ( some areas..not all..just some ). And then she goes to the college environment and almost INSTINCTIVELY aligns herself with the “fight over a black man” crowd/gaggle of young women.

    That is EXACTLY my point – if she had just taken the time to EXPAND OUTWARD and look to expand her social circle and learn from a DIVERSE group…maybe she would have seen that there were MORE than ONE MAN available in the tri-county area of that college town!!!

    Then she would have not been ACTIVELY engaging with this group of DBR identify-ing black women.

    From the video she commented that this particular young lady ( not sure right now if the young lady Olivia referred to is the one that she (Olivia) shot…) was “blocked” from her social media web page and this is when all the ruckus/bullying really escalated. Then this woman, Olivia made the fatal decision to NOT move from that apartment complex – which would have been far far easier if she had had a diverse group of friends ( ones that she could have possibly moved in with…and let’s face it..if Olivia had been friends with a group of white/Asian male students and possibly moved in with one of them ..I can pretty much guaruntee you that not one of those Black women who were actively harassing this girl would have gone over to that White or Asian guy’s apartment to continue harassing this girl –).

    In the end, this young woman’s life has been terribly scarred, and I pray that she will get continued media coverage. Because in the end this is the most brutal teachable moment I have yet to come across.

84. Nikita
    September 2nd, 2012 @ 1:50 AM

    The title of Bryan Craig’s book ‘Its Her Fault’ – another black man placing all the blame on women. With the way he thinks, he doesn’t have the qualifications to be a guidance counselor. Teaching girls basketball and a married man that works as a bouncer at a strip club does not qualify one as a good writer.

    ‘He describes in graphic detail what he perceives to be the difference in the color and texture of vaginas of women from various races and ethnicities.’ -More mysoginy towards women from a black man – where they judge women by their bodies and dissect their body parts like slabs of meat.

    The so called ‘good black men’ are never around when black men like these do things like this. Sounds like a 1st grader wrote the book. Anyone can write a book – that doesn’t make them a good writer.

85. Lisa
    September 2nd, 2012 @ 10:40 AM

    Is it true with the film ‘Hunger Games’ that was based on a novel, the black girl was replaced with a white girl for the film? This is why black women need their own film company like Tyler Perry.

86. Denise
    September 2nd, 2012 @ 12:18 PM

    For the college graduate girl that shot the other girl over some random dbr black man – she was doomed from the day she was born because she was raised by dbr black men and women from blakistan who taught her to only stay with and do things with her own people.
    These types of dbr blacks will put down any blacks who do anything outside of blakistan, but are the first to run for help to whites in the form of police or asking for leniency if one of their own goes to prison. The hypocrisy is apalling.

87. MsMellody
    September 2nd, 2012 @ 1:40 PM

    Came back to apologize to everyone. I am feeling like that story about Olivia Moody is just more “pain porn”.

    I had honestly thought of the story as being one of the most blaring examples of what BWE teaches against – not taking advantage of your life and reaching out and maximizing yourself and your potential as women.

    If I have offended anyone with the story I apologize.

    And to Brenda55 thank you for the additional background info…just too tragic…tragic.

    In summation – I think that Olivia did not take advantage of her university’s teaching hospital. Most states in the union that have a “University of _(fill in state name_” or a “University of _( fill in large major city in that state_” have a teaching hospital on their campuses/closely located.

    And at these teaching hospitals is usually a well staffed mental health facility/facilities. I believe that Olivia would have benefited greatly from dealing with her past traumas. And as a whole I think she suffered from a lot of pain and anger and other issues that she just did not KNOW HOW to deal with.

    Because as we have discussed here and at other blogs – black women have a history of being taught to be “that strong mule who doesnt cry, doesnt know how to be feminine etc”…and she just fell back into her programming, and now that is going to cost her dearly.

    It is also the MOST unfortunate move on the part of her defense lawyer that they did not use this past trauma as a part of her defense strategy.

    Again, I did not mean to offend anyone with this tragic sad tale. And to Nikita who commented about that “coach”, what you said is true…where are those elusive “unicorns” called the Good Black Men coalition to speak out against this kind of misogyny?….

    GoldenAh: Hey, you don’t have to apologize. You talk about these things, because you care. And urging young (or even older) black women to seek help is a good thing. We have to let go of this cultural habit of thinking we can manage highly stressful situations ALL BY OURSELVES. All it does is create a mental breakdown where black women make one disastrous and injurious decision after another.

    These ladies need to be able to breath and realize that a mental health professional – while not always having the right answer – could lead them to a less damaging and healing path.

88. samadhi101
    September 2nd, 2012 @ 8:09 PM

    @48.Kai/Golden’s response
    I’ve been telling myself to read “I know why the caged bird sings” for awhile now, 2 years actually lol Gotta get on that. Sula and Song of Solomon sound really good. I got interested in sci fi and science in general after watching Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series (such a cool guy )I remember my 3rd grade teacher made us watch Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and a few other random episodes from the original series (she even assigned a “project” based on one of the episodes: The Trouble with Tribbles lol! ) My friend got me to watch Star Trek:First Contact and is steering me towards Star Trek: Next Gen. but I want to watch the J.J. Abrams reboot movie first: the dude who plays Capatin Kirk is absurdly hot:)

    @55. Sharla
    WW pedos are seen as victims themselves (even more so than the actual victims!) Here’s whats going down here in Texas
    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/08/teacher-accused-of-having-group-sex-with-students-on-video/
    In article the attorney even throws in how terrified and confused she is lol *eyeroll*

    @61.Ms.Mellody
    The way I see it, I now understand why the U.S. ranks 23 in science and 31 in math among wealthy countries. These subjects require critical thinking,a skill MOST people here don’t bother with at it’s most basic level. People tend to leave critical thinking out of their interpersonal skills in this country. I don’t think it’s too much to ask “Can you not believe everthing you see in the media about BW? Can you learn to seperate fiction from reality?” It’s fun though watching the confused expressions on peoples faces when I don’t fit the stereotypes in their head lol When people say “You don’t act like a black girl” I laugh and I think “Really? Your actually a typical white person” BM are taught to expect the worse from us, so I return the sentiment by ignoring their opinions.

    @78 Honey
    I enjoyed James Baldwin’s writing, my favorite of his is The Fire Next Time: he captured the mood of civil rights era perfectly. I’ve read Black Skin,White Masks by Fanon: he had some good points but his essays on interracial relationships were odd when you looked at his personal life: I believe he started “the personal isn’t political”/talking black, sleeping white” behavior that was so prevalent among pan-Africanist/black nationalist. “The Mis Education of the Negro” by Carter G. Woodson was really good but it sure does piss you off: it was written in 1933 but the dysfunction that prevents the BC from progressing is STILL here *smh* This book made me angry because it’s still relevant lol

89. Nysee
    September 6th, 2012 @ 6:34 PM

    I was talking to a friend near a school and
    this young black boy called this is girl fat. Even though she was not fat it getting so that black boys have become so comfortable in degrading us and no one says anything. They wonder why nobody respects them. BW, flee from these toxic dwellings called communities. I use the word community loosely because true communities help and protect each other and uplifts one another. Ge extra income and FLEE, FLEE. do not look back an do not take any extra weight be it family or friends. Take only you and your children if you have any and leave. They ( those toxic people and environment will eventually kill you or destroy your spirit to the max.
    Keep up the good Betty and know that your blog is helping Black women and Black girls.

    GoldenAh: It’s a shame that the people that enjoy doing this kind of torment look like us. I remember when my brother used to tease me, my Mother put a stop to it right away. She didn’t tolerate that kind of behavior, because it is a more subtle form of bullying. This kind of behavior has to be managed in the home, but people don’t raise their children, esp. black boys, to be respectable, well behaved people. And then when they get into trouble, we’re supposed to hold rallies and marches on behalf them, and half the time they’ll have criminal records since they were 10 years old.

    Thank you for the kind words, Nysee. I appreciate you stopping by.

90. Ana
    September 9th, 2012 @ 12:11 AM

    ‘Think Like a Man’ film based on steve harvey’s book – he wants women to lower their standards because their too picky, and settle for men who are not their equals in terms of education, goals, values.

91. FoxyCleopatra
    September 11th, 2012 @ 7:24 AM

    Goldenah said “This kind of behavior has to be managed in the home, but people don’t raise their children, esp. black boys, to be respectable, well behaved people. And then when they get into trouble, we’re supposed to hold rallies and marches on behalf them, and half the time they’ll have criminal records since they were 10 years old.”

    Me: ITA. I see this dynamic and pattern play out constantly. Its not just with black boys but with a lot of children growing up nowadays where there is a complete lack of discipline and responsibility instilled from the home and from a young age. However, I have to be honest and say that in todays society, its seems most common among black boys and young black males. The fact that so many of them grow up fatherless plays a part. Mothers are generally known to be more tolerant of ‘mess-ups’ from their kids as it compares to dads. Also, when they grow up, a mother would still view her adult son as her ‘kid/baby’ while a father would begin to view them as a ‘man’. For eg, a man (father in this case) is less likely to allow his wayward adult son to move back in and be leeching of of him. Now, in addition to mass paternal abandonment by black fathers, add the black community’s constant coddling, pampering, infantilisation, protectionism and rabid excuse-making for black males when they mess up and act like idiots, and you have a recipe for a disaster!

    This is why I tell black single mothers to get over any guilt they may have as it relates to their kids growing up without their dad, because if they were to allow that guilt to impact the way they raise their kids, it will do them no favours. Also, letting some 12 year old believe he is the ‘man of the house’ tends to be foolish. This is because what this meant say 50 years ago and what it means today are completely different. In our parents generation, a kid like that would feel more protective over his family and would probably try and earn some money to help out at home with mom (eg becoming a newspaper boy). This is especially if the dad passed away (and therefore they know what a man of the house does and know dad would be proud of them) as opposed to abandoned or absentee type father. However nowadays these ‘man of the house’ young males do not have that same conviction. A lot of the time, you end up with entitled boys who enjoy the ego boost that comes with it but take on none of the actual responsibility. Such a person grows up and guess how they turn out? It reminds me of a comment I read on a bwe blog some months ago where the commenter was talking about how a neighbourhood watch style kind of thing was set up because a lot of girls and women were being assaulted and street robberies were rampant. So they got the young males in the area to patrol the place. Now a lot of them could not care less about the crime, they just liked the uniforms they were given and the sense of authority they felt came with it. Add to this the fact that some of these young males could have also been involved in the crimes that happened in the first place!

    GoldenAh: Everything you say is true. Not only is it common sense, but it is backed up by everything we see around us. People haven’t changed not one bit in thousands of years, I don’t know why folks think they can do “something different” with their offspring. At this rate of societal breakdown, the next couple of generations will be living in caves. I swear sometimes, I think the future is gonna look worse than Mad Max….

92. Crystal
    September 11th, 2012 @ 8:29 PM

    If the ‘Good Black Men’ would check the ‘Bad Black Men’, we wouldn’t need sites like this. Because women can not control men, they only listen to other men. Which is why when women raise kids, especially boys with no men or positive male role model around, there will always be dbr blacks running around ruining the black community.

    And even the ones that don’t turn out dbr -’The Good Black Man’ go off to live their life, and don’t check the bad dbr black men that help to ruin the black community (hip hop culture). There would be no ‘Black Community’ or ‘Blakistan’ that black people who are trying to do good with their life, would have to seperate themselves from.

    GoldenAh: Well, the foremost focus of my website is self-appreciation of black women: from our hair down to our toes, and how we are viewed in the media, etc. This is regardless of how black males handle and conduct themselves. Unfortunately, we do have to keep repeating that their sub-par dysfunctional behavior is not normal nor something any black girl / woman with healthy self-esteem and self-respect should accept. They are just another bunch of men. Mostly useless. So the best course of action for ourselves is to do without them, since they won’t be missed, and seek decent men from other groups.

93. Nikita
    September 16th, 2012 @ 11:24 AM

    Bryan Craig’s book ‘Its Her Fault’ – Another black man placing the blame on black women.‘He describes in graphic detail what he perceives to be the difference in color and texture of vaginas of women from various races and ethnicities.’ More mysoginy towards black women from a black man who judge women by their body parts.

    Reminds me of Sarah Baartman who was paraded around nude for whites like a circus attraction in the 1800′s – too naive to know she was degrading herself or was she forced into it? After death, they reserved some of her body parts including genitals like a lab specimen. Fast forward 50 years later – 1990′s to present. Black men degrade black women with hip hop culture dissecting their body parts, treating them like prostitutes with many black women willingly objectifying themselves, becoming modern day sarah baartman’s. There’s more info about Sarah Baartman, but I found her life to be so disturbing that I stopped reading.

    Nicki Minaj, rihanna, beyonce, lil kim willingly stereotype themselves for money. Being known more for their sex stripper persona and skimpy outfits than for singing ability have become modern day sarah baartman’s. Helping to objectify and ruin the image of black women, giving black girls bad role models even though celebs are not role models.

94. v.goldenah
    September 28th, 2012 @ 1:31 PM

    @Nikita -

    I could not read that kind of book – even out of curiosity. Gotta be careful. It is garbage. And time is too precious to focus on stuff like that. But you have a point that this negro is following a blueprint for denigrating the black woman’s body.

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