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For Black Women: Why White Men are a Better Choice

Posted on | March 10, 2010 | 158 Comments

A topic guaranteed to make your teeth grind or make you smile. I am tongue in cheek, so if you don’t see any clarifications like the word some, I still don’t mean all.

So, I’m looking around the web, and as a woman who likes men I’m seeing a positive development: black women affirming an interest in white men.

Didn’t know it was still taboo? Didya? I didn’t either, but like nappy hair versus relaxed, when a topic involves black women expect DRAMA, okay? Okay!

So I offer the following (slightly tongue in cheek) as to why white men are a better choice than black men:

1. No shortage here. There are a lot of white men, dark to light, tall to short, fat to lean. Take your pick. Plenty to go around.

2. He is The Man. Remember all those expressions from the 1960’s and 1970’s (and some people still use today)? The man’s keeping people down, the man’s got all these conspiracies… yada…yada…yada. Why not just be his woman? The white man does have all the power, in being with him a black woman gets the inside track on what The Man is up to.

3. He has the money to buy the food, clothing, housing, etc. He will not leave you to foot the bill or play “going dutch.” His tip will be more than sufficient, and the waitress wont give you the dirty look. Don’t know that look? Date a cheap and broke black man – you will see it and know it.

4. A white man will not accuse you of being a gold digger. He’s quite happy to marry them. You’ll be wife number 3, because he believes in the motto: if at first you don’t succeed, get another wife.

5. He marries. No baby daddy drama for this guy. He wants to be “Father Knows Best.”

6. The first thing that’ll strike you as odd is how your blood pressure goes down around this guy. Why? He’s not going to argue over every little nutty issue like a black man will. For a white man, life is an individual effort, there’s no systematic effort to keep him down. So he’ll be a rational man, not an emotional one.

7. A black woman’s hair is not an issue with a white man – in spite of what Imus said. Natural or relaxed, he doesn’t care.

8. A white man will find your feisty hot temper (if you have one), rather, ah, er, amusing. Yes, that’s right, amusing. He is not afraid of you. He will also like your “tell it like it is” spirit.

9. He’s going to have a strange hobby. He may be one of those guys collecting Star Wars, Star Trek and obscure 1950’s movie memorabilia off of eBay. It’s totally harmless and as the “40 Year Virgin” showed, could be worth quite a lot of money one day.

10. Looks aren’t everything. The features are different, skin and hair color / texture certainly is. Yet, that wont change the fact he can have a heart of gold. The nicest guys I’ve known have been white men. Nothing I made happen, it’s just my personal experience.

The list is incomplete, but there are plenty more reasons to decide why white men are a better choice than black men.

It’s great to get feedback from men, and the following is one from Anvil Orange:

Baby, I hear you.

And as a white guy who has had a couple of long-term relationships with black women, these are ones that the black women I’ve been with say they like the most:

3. He has the money to buy the food, clothing, housing, etc.

You know it. I make good money, and as far as I’m concerned, my job is to drive the car, and to pay for, well, whatever.

5. He marries. No baby daddy drama for this guy. He wants to be “Father Knows Best.”

Well, I haven’t been married to a black woman yet, but I’m down with the idea, if everything synchs up right. And if someone gets knocked up, then I’m ALWAYS going to do the right thing.

7. A black woman’s hair is not an issue with a white man.

True. I just don’t give a damn. Wear it any way you like, do the weave thing, whatever, just don’t make it too BIG. I don’t dig the whole big hair thing, no matter what race you are. One of the black women I dated wore hers natural, and I’m cool with that, too. You just knock yourself out – see #3.

8. A white man will find your feisty hot temper (if you have one), rather, ah, er, amusing.

True. And all the black women I’ve dated so far had a very quick temper. It is always funny, and sometimes hilarious, to see what they get worked up about.

9. He’s going to have a strange hobby.

I have three, but none anywhere as nerdy as anything having to do with Star Wars.

Here’s another one you left out:

Black guys care whether you’re light-skinned or dark, but most white guys just don’t care at all. We’re already dating a black chick; what do we care how black she is? Because no matter how light she is, she’s still gonna be darker than almost every white guy.

So, that’s the deal.

There is one downside – most white guys that date black women are fine with a few extra pounds, BUT, they can’t hang with the obesity thing. I know black guys have a pretty high affection/tolerance for women who are 5’5″ and 190 lbs. but most white guys just can’t see their way to it.

Same with me, and I love a big butt on a woman, as long as that thing is firm. But white guys are not into ‘bakery rolls” and folds of excess flesh.

One of those cultural differences, I suppose.

One more thing, and its an important one – I’m in a long-term, monogamous relationship with a black woman right now, and I could not be happier.

I haven’t asked yet, but I would say the chances of us getting married are around 95% and climbing.

She’s smart, funny and beautiful. I feel lucky.

And there you have it….

** Update: Please Have Sex With White Men **

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Comments

158 Responses to “For Black Women: Why White Men are a Better Choice”

  1. Diana
    March 11th, 2010 @ 6:51 PM

    I’ll give it to you from the other side, the side of a 31 year old sister who dates out:

    1. No shortage here.

    So true, so true. It you’re reasonably attractive, and you make yourself available to WM, you will not lack for dates with good men.

    2. He is The Man.

    I have learned a lot about business, but no secret inside information or anything.

    3. He has the money to buy the food, clothing, housing, etc.

    Not only that, but he will never bring up the fact that he’s paying for everything.

    4. A white man will not accuse you of being a gold digger.

    Yeah, this whole concept is alien to a white guy, unless he’s genuinely a millionaire.

    5. He marries.

    Definitely.

    6. The first thing that’ll strike you as odd is how your blood pressure goes down around this guy.

    OMG, so true! Everything is easy, and whatever you want to do is cool with him.

    7. A black woman’s hair is not an issue with a white man

    Yeah, they don’t care. They don’t care about your nails, either.

    8. A white man will find your feisty hot temper (if you have one), rather, ah, er, amusing.

    Well, amusing or puzzling. He says, “If there’s a problem, I’ll just fix it. Now, what’s the problem?”

    9. He’s going to have a strange hobby.

    Yes! My last boyfriend collected old neon signs.

    10. Looks aren’t everything.

    Sister, girl, my white boyfriends have all been so fine.

    Have to agree with the guy that commented about the skin shade, too. Doesn’t seem to really matter to them (I’m not super dark but I’m not light). Yeah, and the weight issue is DEFINITELY true. You can forget about dating a white guy if you’re really overweight. To add a very good thing, they’re very generous in the sack, if there’s something you need, they’ll always figure it out and give it to you.

    And they give you compliments, and not just about your looks, either.

  2. GoldenAh
    March 12th, 2010 @ 8:30 AM

    #2. I think they hide in the men’s bathroom and do that secret handshake thingy there. 🙂

    #6. Yeah, this is where we get spoiled by the sweet loving treatment. Then we get labeled “difficult” by some other folks, because we desire being treated nice.

    #8. Not only that, a lot of times he’s sympathetic to the hell we go through, and is not dismissive about it. He wont try to get into a “my pain is worse than yours” contest.

    #9. I really really admire the strange hobby thing.

    The weight issue: I don’t even know what people mean by overweight anymore, seems everyone everywhere is getting bigger. I think his description of where there is too much flab sorta narrows it down.

    I don’t mind a chunky man. I like a beefy size like Vincent D’Onofrio, but no bigger.

    Well, that means a good place to meet a white man would be a health club or someplace with a lot of physical activities going on.

  3. All Real
    March 12th, 2010 @ 11:00 AM

    Ugh, health clubs are a bad place to meet men, period.

    I like to meet the guys I date in regular settings. It gives me a chance to see more of what they’re really about. If you meet a guy in a bar or a club, he’s “on”, you know what I mean?

    And btw, I am a “chunky” black chick at 5’8″ and 171 lbs, but I do Pilates and yoga and I’m on the stairmaster, and I am very firm. I go out with white guys and they love the way I look.

    I am no delicate flower. But, I’m hardly obese. I don’t think you have to guess if you’re obese, I think men and women know if they’re in that category.

    I think the point the guy in the first comment was making was a little extra is fine, a lot extra is not. I’m an amazon woman that prefers a guy that’s at least six foot and 200 pounds, so I like a big guy, but I don’t want obese, either.

    Enough about weight, I hate worrying about it. Just keep it firm, ladies.

    I had to laugh when I read, “if there’s a problem, I’ll just fix it.” That is definitely what white guys are all about. She must know her subject, because that is their thing, they take care of stuff. They get your car fixed (before it leaves you stranded), they figure out what’s wrong with the damn computer, they’ll pick up dinner on the way home if you’re running late (and some of them can even cook), they deal with the crazy people in the property management office, etc. Things get taken care of, you’re not doing all the heavy lifting.

    Betty, I have had the same experience with white men – nicest, most generous (not just money, but in spirit) guys I’ve met. I love my brothers, but, it’s great to have a guy around that not only takes on responsibility, but welcomes it. That’s his job in the household, and he wants to do it.

  4. goldenah
    March 12th, 2010 @ 11:58 AM

    5’8″ and 171lbs? That is perfect. Sigh. I need to start working out again.

    Yeah, with the weight thing, I’ve discovered that the words fat, obese, and overweight starts some awful flame wars… It’s a touchy subject.

    >>Things get taken care of, you’re not doing all the heavy lifting.
    High-five on the “I’ll fix it.” That’s how men are supposed to be.

    The only brothers I love are my siblings, but more power to you if you feel that way. Regardless of race, if I don’t know the man, he’s a stranger to me. All men I deal with have to earn my trust and respect. 🙂

    And one more thing about the nice guys, I’ve found Asian men to be as nice. Could be they are more reserved, but I’ve found them to be very sweet too.

  5. freshandgood
    March 12th, 2010 @ 2:01 PM

    This sister cosigns every comment so far…

  6. Tracy
    March 12th, 2010 @ 3:44 PM

    Can I add one more thing? Of course I can!!

    WM love curves – hourglass, hips, boobies, something to hold on to…

    What they dont like is “Precious” or even “Mary” for that matter. Like AllReal said – keep it toned. I notice that I got alot more stares and comments (and dates) after I went from a 30-32 to a 14….

    Betty – spring is a’comin – you can do it!!

    #7 – I will not part with my wigs for anyone! Which is ok with my man, he gets a different girlfriend every other day!

    #2 – Damn straight, and when I am with him, I am the WOMAN…you will be checked…

    #8 – Everything I do or say is funny to him….If I really start clowning, I get diffused with kisses….try that with a bm…

    #5 – Workin’ on it!

    #10 – Mine looks like Ron Weasley – nuff said!

    I’m gonna print this out and put it in our church bulletin – WWJD!

  7. goldenah
    March 12th, 2010 @ 3:57 PM

    Ron Weasley is sooooooo cute. I adore redheads. Eric Stolz still looks good.

    >>Betty – spring is a’comin – you can do it!!
    I hear you, I’m going to get on it. Can’t hide anymore, the weather is too nice. 🙂

  8. Cicely
    March 12th, 2010 @ 6:50 PM

    8. Like a lot of sistahs, I have a jealousy issue. This is now about a hundred times worse with my white boyfriend, who happens to look like a much larger, more manly, young Paul Newman. I admit it. I just get crazy when he’s talking to any woman, black or white or whatever. We were at a bookstore and this sister started getting way too close to him, and put her hand on his arm just for half a second while she was talking to him (she saw him come in with me, so she knew he liked chocolate), and, girl, I started buggin. Even thoughn to his credit, he kinda backed up a little bit from her. He’s usedd to being flirted with all the time.

    He laughs, and he says I have steak, why do I want hamburger? He is just about completely oblivious to how good-looking he is. It’s bad, but in a different way, when white girls are hovering around him, because my own insecurities really kick in then. He thinks I’m just acting crazy, and I am, because he has NEVER given me any reason to doubt his loyalty to me. He is a modest, self-effacing guy, not a dog or a playa. He laughs and says I’m a nut.

    I am a nut, and I am irrational sometimes, but lord help her if I see that bitch from the bookstore out on the street somewhere.

    That’s all I’m sayin.

    7. I braid my hair because it’s a more natural thing, and he loves my damn hair.

    6. Every day is like easy Sunday morning.

    Yeah! Can I get a witness?!?!

  9. goldenah
    March 12th, 2010 @ 8:25 PM

    High-five! 🙂

    Everybody wants the man who is with a sista. It always happens.

    See links=> So you have this smoking hot man? and this one too?

    I’d mess with him and say “hello” too. Just sayin’. 😀

  10. Djani
    March 12th, 2010 @ 11:18 PM

    Cicely, other sisters eye my man, too. They’re “white-curious”, but they don’t want to commit to getting their own WM, because they’re not sure about IR dating.

    So they start thinking about taking my man out for a test drive.

  11. manicmother
    March 13th, 2010 @ 2:45 PM

    #9 Strange hobby

    Mine collects matchbooks – I swear to god.

    #4 The gold digger phobia

    So true. Just doesn’t enter into their thinking because he considers it a plus if I think he can support me and a family.

    #5 He marries

    Hopin’. I have a little girl from another man (gone, of course, and never any child support), but it doesn’t seem to matter to him.
    *****

    But one thing you don’t mention is that you do get THE LOOK from most black people and some white people, and I live in Seattle, which is pretty tolerant.

    That’s a negative.

  12. goldenah
    March 13th, 2010 @ 3:48 PM

    >>But one thing you don’t mention is that you do get THE LOOK from most black people and some white people, and I live in Seattle, which is pretty tolerant.
    That’s a negative.

    Could be you make a beautiful couple. Folks stare when we are all by our lonesome. ‘Cause we are so awesome…. 😀

    We could give dissertations on the negative aspects of everything in life. But I’d like for us to smile at something. There are enough people dedicated to making us miserable. They shouldn’t get the satisfaction. They don’t pay your bills, feed you, your child, and etc. etc.

    Have a good one. 🙂

  13. magicwoman
    March 14th, 2010 @ 11:15 AM

    Before I say anything else, this is a great post. It’s funny, and at the same time, true. Thanks for putting it up.

    I have to agree with everything everyone has said here, at least in terms of personal IR dating experiences.

    BTW, after I started dating white guys, I just never went back to the BM – no political statement her, it’s just that the average WM checks a lot more of the boxes in the “must have” category, compared to the average BM. So I always go with the odds now.

    Before I go, I want to add my comment to this statement from Diana:

    “To add a very good thing, they’re very generous in the sack, if there’s something you need, they’ll always figure it out and give it to you”

    Oh, yeah. I had an issue there, it just wasn’t happening. I met a guy with caring and patience, and now everything is sooo good. Those years of frustration are just a bad memory.

    Last, that was great advice you gave to the woman in Seattle. She’s not doing anything wrong. In fact, what she’s doing is possibly the most “right” thing she has ever ddone for herself up to this point.

    It’s a hell of a man that is willing to take on the responsibility of her and her daughter (abandoned by the birth father) and all in the name of love.

    That’s a real man. You were right in telling her to tell them to “get lost”.

  14. goldenah
    March 14th, 2010 @ 12:43 PM

    Thanks for stopping by, and you are welcome.

    Yeah, I see the endless criticizing, denigrating, and attacks against black women, seemingly coming from everywhere, as spiritual and domestic terrorism. Basta! You know?

    We have a human right to love and be loved. What counts is that we are happy (and safe). We are obligated only to ourselves and who treats us best. Saying who we are for, or who we like, doesn’t mean we are against anybody. It’s all about us, first and last.

    Getting off of my soapbox…. I didn’t expect this kind of feedback. I’m pleased. 😀

  15. Trina
    March 14th, 2010 @ 4:07 PM

    “Well, I haven’t been married to a black woman yet, but I’m down with the idea, if everything synchs up right. And if someone gets knocked up, then I’m ALWAYS going to do the right thing.”

    That one statement puts him ahead of most BM…

  16. goldenah
    March 14th, 2010 @ 6:56 PM

    I really appreciated his comments, especially his clearly expressed commitment and devotion to the sista. That is one manly man there.

    Also, he offers a clean rebuttal, and refutation, to the garbage oozed by professional concern trolls that “no man wants us” or that “we are too much of a hassle.” Those are mind games in the psychological warfare against us.

    It only takes one good man to make a woman happy. We don’t need legions of admirers. Although it certainly wouldn’t hurt, I wouldn’t mind. 😀

  17. killer rabbit
    March 15th, 2010 @ 1:16 AM

    @Trina – I cosign that.

    It generally takes a man and a woman to get a woman pregnantn and it sucks to be alone and pregnant. Or alone with a two year old.



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