BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


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Lately, people have been calling me skinny

Posted on | December 6, 2012 | 35 Comments

It’s a weird comment to hear, especially coming from one of the office whales. You know, like if you think I am skinny, what does that make you?

And she sounded exasperated, like how dare I appear so small – at least in her eyes, because I don’t see it. I was told by someone else – who I really regard as “in shape” that my waist appears “tiny”. While I admire the bodies of Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield or Jane Russell, I don’t imagine I look anywhere near those figures.

Somehow this was the year I got my eating under control, but I walk no more than 25 to 50 minutes daily. If time and the weather allows. I really miss weight lifting.

And by the way, my waist is 28 inches, I have to measure my top and bottom again. I haven’t done that in a while. I am aiming for 36 – 26 – 36, if that’s possible. Back in the good ol’ says, those were my measurements.

I eat apples for breakfast, apparently they are natural appetite suppressors. I also eat very few sugary foods, bread, rice and I stick to meat, veggies and fruit that don’t give me gas (LOL) or make me hungry. I confess I like salty and spicy foods. I drink a couple glasses of water when I think I’ve overdone it.

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See? No big deal. And I love big belts.

What’s on your mind?

Update: another belt I love.
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35 Responses to “Lately, people have been calling me skinny”

  1. Jazine
    December 10th, 2012 @ 9:26 AM

    Rock it, Betty! LMAO on “office whales”.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Jazine. I’ve been putting up with nonsense from these people for months. And I am so tempted to spit verbal Hellfire at them, but I refuse to lose my cool.

  2. trish
    December 12th, 2012 @ 12:28 AM

    That’s great news. Some of us would kill to hear that lol.

    GoldenAh: Thank you,Trish. I suspect that part of my problem with losing weight was not just emotional eating, but hormonal. I used to walk and workout for hours just to drop a pound a week. Now, I can do that without going through a rigorous routine.

    And now that I think about it there’s about 2 other black women around my size and height – everyone else is bigger. But the office whale – a white woman – who called me “skinny” sits next to an Asian girl who is roughly about half my size. She said nothing to her about her weight. People expect black women to be big. And they don’t have a right to approach near strangers and act like our waist, butt, belly or boobies is any of their business. I know if I start calling them out on how big they are – these vocal women would be all butt hurt.

  3. Oshun
    December 12th, 2012 @ 5:37 PM

    Congratulations Betty! Good for you! You should be proud!

    The hate you are getting, sadly, is normal.

    My mother’s sisters have started hating on her for real. These were all women who, when they were young were like size negative 0′s. Now they all range in the high 200′s to 300 pounds.

    Since I lost weight – I got on my mom. No need to rehash the hate I got – my aunt even told me that I am disappearing. My mom listened and the only thing she is monitoring is her heart condition – no more diabetes meds for her- her blood pressure is normal. She is even in the normal range on the BMI thing and has been maintaining. All of her doctors praise her. She has no more hip, back, or knee aches. She can walk long distances without a cane – lord she was on a cane- and she can bend and lift things. Whereas before I would walk past her and she would almost tip over – she had no balance. Her posture is better – which makes her carry her body better and she looks younger.

    And I have helped her with her wardrobe. Got her a good bra and some new clothes and hon her stomach looks flat in all her clothes! From the neck down in clothes she can easily pass for late 20′s. And everywhere we go together nothing, but WM try to holla. I am like you need to gone on and make that move…

    Her sisters were here last week and omg…the hate. I’m like for real, we hating?.. for real? Her sister from Detroit told her that she didn’t need to lose anymore weight. I dont know what it is about negros and other folks “not needing to lose anymore weight”! Especially coming from the obese.

    And she hit her back (gotta love them scorpios) “well you need TO lose some weight… ’cause you too big AND you got a heart condition”. And they kept going on and on about how she needs to weigh at least 180 pounds.

    Nevermind that everyone at the family event was fawning all over her about how good she looked and some family friends walked past her because they said they didn’t even recognize her.

    After the event, they snubbed her. All of them. All of her sisters. Didn’t call for the remainder of their stay, didn’t stop by, didn’t let my mom know they were leaving, and didn’t invite her to the other family meals and gatherings. One of my aunts asked my mom for some of her old clothes and my mom gathered some of her nice too large beaded dinner suits/church outfits up to give to her. This woman snubbed her too and left without saying a word. My mom had to put the suits back in the closet.

    Then another aunt called and said that they were talking about my mom at the other “family events” (that we thin people were not invited to). Are you serious?? Lord I wish this was reality TV!

    They were saying that she lost too much weight and she is too thin – she is 160. Her doctors approve. They think its great and she cuts a nice figure in her clothing. Plus her health issues have abated and she can move and isn’t falling like she was. And they were saying they need to keep an eye on her. I am like for what? And some eye that will be – they couldn’t be bothered to see to her after her heart attack or her kidney tumor and she has been BANNED from all family events…so how/what eye of concern are they keeping on her? Oooo chile negroes be workin my nerve!

    Today the final nail in the coffin was my uncle who came over and told her she has lost too much weight. That she needs to weigh at least 200 pounds. At 200 pounds my mother was overweight and going to the hospital for saline transfusions to lower her blood sugar and was taking 7 blood pressure meds. That was not a typo-7 blood pressure meds. This negro is crazy/!

    And now my mom is butt hurt and talking about it over and over and over again. She is hurt they snubbed her and that they keep talking about her weight. I told her you listen to them and you will be dead.

    I keep showing her pictures of Ernestine Shepard. I told her dont stop now. Really make em mad. Tone up. Then we can go shopping for thongs and gold body glitter! I had to slip that hood in there somewhere. ;)

    So you keep your head up Goldie and doing what you do. Folks a mess thinking they can comment on what somebody else can do with their own bodies. BW are too fat on one hand and then if you lose and get it together you would think that the world ended for them – for real? Like just because you have lost a few pounds and are all fit – like what does that have to do with anyone else??

    Congratulations again and my hats off to you. Keep the good habits for life… :)

    GoldenAh: Thank you and bless your Mother, Oshun. Congratulations to her and you as well. I am in awe. She literally cured her ailments simply by taking off the pounds. This is irrefutable evidence of how much a difference weight loss makes. I don’t know why so many black women look at the fact(s) staring them in face that even being over 180 lbs at the average woman’s height of 5’4″ is a KILLER. This is not normal. And the denials and counter “evidence” about being that obese can be healthy comes across as gross stupidity after a while. It’s like the fight over smoking carcinogens. That ship has sailed.

    I’m still stunned at how many meds your Mother had to take to control her blood pressure. Wow.

    I worried about diabetes and high blood pressure, although I don’t have any serious health ailments. I wanted to be fit (again) and not worry about it. I don’t like the thought of being on any medication. My Mother complains about how her HBP meds makes her smell funny. I’ve heard and read enough about the horrors of what diabetes, plus the meds, does to the body. That alone frightens me to stay in shape.

    I love that advice, if looking good is making the haters mad, take it to another level: make every effort to go around looking hot and sexy! :) Luv it.

    See, I thought I missed something in not having sisters. Reading about how your Mother is being treated by them … I guess not. Sad. You have a lot of self-control Oshun, some of those relatives treating my Mother like that would have received some verbal missiles from me. But I can see, as you say, she can zing them good all on her own. :)

    Why do so many of our folks have a stake in our individual misery? It’s a mystery to me. I guess people do feed off of the unhappiness and desperation of others. Too many takers. Well, even though I am not religious, I do recall that the first horrible story in the Bible is about sibling jealousy. Le sigh. People do not change.

    If I had a relative come down in weight like that – literally getting cured from all her problems – I’d be so thrilled for her. I’d even throw her a party, and I haven’t put together an event in years.

    Let your Mother know there are people out here, who love, admire and respect that she’s accomplished so much. I wish both of you well. :)

  4. Oshun
    December 12th, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

    “While I admire the bodies of Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield or Jane Russell, I don’t imagine I look anywhere near those figures.”

    Well you’re getting close!

    GoldenAh: Thanks Oshun! We’ll see. This is a long term process. I have been going up and down for years. I feel more determined this time. The “haters” are encouraging to me. I can do a 180° on nearly anything I set my mind to….

  5. LMH
    December 13th, 2012 @ 1:14 PM

    De-lurking to say congratulations on the weight loss. Some people will never be able to handle your weight loss because it convicts them and/or they are simply jealous. But anyone who has had any amount of success losing weight knows it takes conscious effort and committment.

    Keep up the good work!

    GoldenAh: Thank you, LMH. I feel rather “steely” these days. Maybe the irritation is paying off. The biggest battle is keeping myself under control and not letting anything slide. I get into all sorts of trouble when that happens. ;)

  6. MsMellody
    December 13th, 2012 @ 2:27 PM

    Hi Betty!!!

    Tap dancing and jumping for joy for you !!! (smile)

    Those pics were wonderful!! Laughing at the “office whale” label. Oh so appropo from what I gather…and yes they seem to have found a way to breath on land nowadays!! Lol

    Back to those fab pics!! GO GIRL GO.

    I am sheepishly raising my hand to add a little bit of personal info..I too have lost a bit of weight recently. Even did something I thought I would never see..I bought a pair of pants in a size 10!! And because I am not particularly hippy – I had to take them to the cleaners to have them taken in!!

    As a woman – that felt realllly great to walk in and have some items taken in — instead of having them let out!

    Betty keep up the good work!!! Your food plan sounds very good – nutritious, simple, clean -meaning not full of processed additives, high fructose corn additives or extra unnecessary sugars, portable, and something that everyone can do.

    GoldenAh: Hello MsMellody! Great to hear from you. Thank you for your support. And good for you too! It does feel great to get into a smaller size!

    I want everyone to know I appreciate the positive feedback. This is the first time I have worked in an office full of women who worry about how I look. Bizarre. I am not preventing them from having a life.

    I still eat junk food ;) cake and candy, but I have learned to eat it in smaller portions.

    I hope the ladies out there let us know what works for them. I am a meat eater of the first order, and as you’ve noticed I try to stay away from processed and sugary foods. I’ve discovered they make me hungry, tired and not to mention I end up with new allergies. So, yeah I have to keep it simple.

  7. Bellydancer
    December 13th, 2012 @ 4:55 PM

    I have been doing Paleo diet with lots of fish, chicken and red meat once a week and lots of veggies and trying to limit white carbs. Golden keep up the good work my waist is going down too and I lost 4 pounds last month. Oshun tell your mother to ignore the haters and we are proud of her!

    GoldenAh: That is fantastic, Bellydancer! I ain’t afraid of meat. I’ll even add bacon to a hero sandwich nearly every time. I want to get back to making my blended yogurt, baby spinach, etc. drinks for breakfast, those were good too.

    Eating this simple way really helps with the body’s removal of excess fat and toxins without fasting or crazy workout routines.

    Good luck!

  8. Nysee
    December 13th, 2012 @ 5:00 PM

    DEar Betty,

    Comgrulations on your weight loss. It is not easy but the results are worth it. Reaize
    that you limit your life and lifespan because good health afford you many good things in life. You can shopat regular stores and thifts store. Get things of the better clothes rack like when a business donate something with the tags still on them.
    You can get any job because you can move around more.
    The segement of non-black men usually prefer a healthier woman , not skin and bones and not obese, but a fit woman because she has more of an upbeat personality and know that because she is healthier, they can do more traveling and other activites (LOL).
    So keep up the excellent work on you and all your success.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Nysee! And you are so on point about looks regarding work, getting hired and finding good, quality clothes. The smaller the physique, the more clothes we can find. And frankly almost everything looks good, whether we’re trying or not.

    Also in this economy, I am not going to play naive: people are hired based on looks, and while I believe it’s unconscious bias every advantage or factor counts. Companies don’t want big employees who’ll cost them via healthcare.

    I worked in places where the boss said he wouldn’t hire a woman, because she was too big to sit on his lap! In another, they let all the heavyset, less attractive women go first. So, folks can go on about “fat” acceptance, the cold truth is people – especially women – are judged by their SIZE, not just a pretty face.

  9. MsMellody
    December 14th, 2012 @ 5:14 PM

    To Nysee

    You do realize this is going to be my Christmas card that I send out to all my black female friends?!?! Because it is SOOOO SPOT ON that it almost sings with the real sounds of WISDOM. One of the best gifts you can give any woman… Big hug to you!!!!!

    Reaize
    that you limit your life and lifespan because good health afford you many good things in life. You can shopat regular stores and thifts store. Get things of the better clothes rack like when a business donate something with the tags still on them.
    You can get any job because you can move around more.
    The segement of non-black men usually prefer a healthier woman , not skin and bones and not obese, but a fit woman because she has more of an upbeat personality and know that because she is healthier, they can do more traveling and other activites

  10. MsMellody
    December 14th, 2012 @ 5:34 PM

    To the fabulous Oshun!!!

    Girl Girl Girl!!! That surely sounded like a reality show!!

    On a deeply personal note – MY mother is a Scorpio as well!!!!! Oh my God I can tell you stories about that sharp pointed wit getting people between the vertebrates at a blink of an eye!! And I know one thing about my mom…even with that sharp wit and quick comeback she has a heart of gold and is very sensitive!!

    So from a daughter of a Scorpio to another one — KEEP ENCOURAGING YOUR MOM…and I mean you have to – HAVE TO break it down like this;

    That sister from Detroit said “you dont NEED to lose anymore weight”
    GIVE YOUR MOM THE TRANSLATION; ” your losing weight is really making me look bad, so instead of me being a caring kind sister who should by all rights be supportive, I am being put on point around you so I am going to try to piss on your head and call it rain and say that you dont need to lose weight”

    And that brother of hers making a special trip over to the house to say that ” you have lost too much weight you need to be at least 200 pounds”

    GIVE YOUR MOM THE TRANSLATION: ” Sis, you are losing weight and where as I should be glad for you, and jumping for joy that you no longer make trips to the hospital to get your blood sugar within normal range, and you are off 7 (seven) BP medications, I feel that you losing weight may just inspire other Black women to lose weight and that may mean that these same black women may start seeing that life offers many options and as a Black man I depend on Black women being downtrodden, slow moving cash cows filling the church so that I may go thru them for easy pickins’ when I feel the urge to do so. But Sis, I wont ever tell you something like this – so what I said yesterday was just to try to dampen your spirit so that your light won’t harken and beckon to other Black women in your circle of influence”

    Oshun – I apologize if I have categorized your Uncle on a personal level. I was just letting what I have read, seen and even heard on a personal level from growing up around Black men..and how they talk..when they think your not within earshot.

    In closing, I think it is a shame that other people who obviously need to do the EXACT same things that your mom has done – eat healthier CHOICES when it comes to meals, portion control, more physical movement, better outlook & goal planning – would actively engage in talking bad about her and bad about her behind her back.

    And oh yeah – that after family event that they didnt invite her to – oh they were just too mad, too embarassed, and the ultimate too jealous and too ashamed in the end to admit that that was the way they all felt.

    The one Aunt that was asking for her old clothes from your mom will be the one to call her up on the phone in a couple of months and ask her “How did you do it girl?” asking for all types of “Food plan” tips etc.

    Mark my words…

  11. MsMellody
    December 14th, 2012 @ 5:43 PM

    Betty this is a great comment;

    “But the office whale – a white woman – who called me “skinny” sits next to an Asian girl who is roughly about half my size. She said nothing to her about her weight. People expect black women to be big. And they don’t have a right to approach near strangers and act like our waist, butt, belly or boobies is any of their business. I know if I start calling them out on how big they are – these vocal women would be all butt hurt.”

    Annnnd there it is – someone finally said it

    “People EXPECT Black women to be big”….sadly this is the truth about people’s expectations.

    And doesn’t it feel good to “shatter” those oversimplistic limiting expectations!!

    Also – you noted that this white woman was one of the office whale crew…I noticed from her “casualness” with saying this to you that she obviously had joined in on some “breakroom” gossip about you with the other black office whales.

    And that point you made about how the white office whale didnt make this “getting too/got too skinny” type of comment or EVEN comparison with the Asian co-worker.

    That is because the White office whale as well as the other office whales “expect” the Asian girl to be small…..interesting.

    Well – back to shattering limiting expectations on ALL levels. At the level of thinking, acting, comportment, working out, having natural hair ( and I am loving my growing Medium size Afro by the way ) dating, loving and marrying from the global village !!!

    GoldenAh: MsMellody, you know what’s going on like you are there with me. Your psychic abilities are working again! ;) I have seen the whales congregating at times. One even repeated to me a word another used to describe me, “Mean.” Yes, I am mean, I can be vicious too with unlimited glee. I refuse to tolerate rude, obnoxious, smelly, coo coo for Cocoa Puff nuts who cannot keep a sane and reasonable physical distance from me. Because I am quiet, they think that is the same as pushover, chump, or “able to say anything I want to” without repercussions. Not with me.

    Some of the black whales are stupid too. What in the world are they thinking that I would endorse talking LOUDLY about all the other women in the office, esp. how much they hate white women? That tells me they are a few fries short of a happy meal. I don’t get their hatred of white women. Yes, they can be annoying, but I regard people as individuals – grouping will happen at some point. But they have to show me what they are, before I make a decision. These grade school nitwits want me to hate somebody based on their own personal issues biases. I’m too old for that garbage.

    I agree with you about expectations: we’re not supposed to really love and like ourselves. Frankly, too many BW telegraph to the world how much we do not think we are awesome. So, folks expect ALL black women to be their docile, meek and “brain-washable” servants in some form or fashion. I’m not a blind follower of anybody, and I’m not paid enough to tolerate such nonsense.

    I check my face in a little mirror nearly every morning, not just because I am vain (okay, I am), but because my eyelashes have a tendency to get in my eyes as well as a lot of other debris. And I like to make sure my face is clear, because when I leave home, there’s always something I may have missed. I consider it simple grooming to make sure I don’t look like a hot mess. I’ve had not two, but three white women, say sarcastically, “Oh you’re pretty,” chuckling, because I’m checking my face in the mirror. I say, “Hmm,” but don’t really respond. I’d like to know, what’s it to you that I make sure I look decent? Just because they have decided to “let themselves go” and look like a mess isn’t a concern to me. I wonder why women spend so much time worrying about how others look. ‘Cause the fact is: those white women are still going to wake up ugly every morning. :)

  12. Oshun
    December 14th, 2012 @ 7:59 PM

    Wow Goldie, this adds a whole nother dimension. I had no idea the main hater was white. You are probably deep under her skin! I am used to/not used to black folks making all kinds of inappropriate comments about BW bodies, but this is really something else. I know that WW when threatened will get snide and make a dig, but this feels all kinds of wrong to me for a WW to make these extended comments/observations about your body. This is just too creepy for me.

    GoldenAh: I told my Mom weeks ago that that white woman can’t stand the sight of me, and I said it long before the bizarro outbursts. Now picture this: a mannish looking and walking “woman” wearing the same shirt day-in, day-out, sometimes weeks at a time. Yet, nevertheless, wants to come to me and have a conversation about my clothes and body. Creepy doesn’t even begin to describe this critter, but it is a good start.

    I no longer even pretend to be polite to these office whales. Whenever any of them tries to speak to me, I ignore ‘em. I’ve had enough.

  13. Oshun
    December 14th, 2012 @ 8:12 PM

    Hi MsMellody!

    I wish I was lying. :) I had no idea the depths to which some people would sink to sabotage others. And these are grown women with adult children.

    “And I know one thing about my mom…even with that sharp wit and quick comeback she has a heart of gold and is very sensitive!!”

    True…. I will definitely keep encouraging her. She is doing so much better!

    LOL @ your translations! I can see that. Definitely with the sister – and the uncle. His wife is trying to loose weight actually – maybe due to my mom – and he is accusing her of sleeping with everyone including the lamp shades! And she is only down to a 18/20 at present.

    “oh they were just too mad, too embarassed, and the ultimate too jealous and too ashamed in the end to admit that that was the way they all felt.”

    Wow.. I will have to pass this along to her…

    I had actually gave that particular aunt some tips. I emailed her info on the Paleo diet/primal diet/ Dr Kruse/ Dr Fife/ coconut oil/palm oil etc And that was this summer. What she did with the info I don’t know.

    On another note, my mother shared some tips with a girl at her church who was ill and wanted to loose weight. She cut out carbs and sugar. She lost about 30 pounds since then. My mom was talking to her mom the other day and she said “I am so mad at her I am beside myself”. My mom asked, “Why”? The woman said, “Because she has lost so much weight and I can’t”. Go figure…your own blood…for real?

  14. Faith
    December 17th, 2012 @ 7:40 PM

    yup, you’re skinny…..not anorexic…plain ol’ slender…rejoice

    GoldenAh: LOL. Yeah, I doth protest too much.

    I’ll take slender, although I still don’t see it.

    Which raises a good question for everyone: what is enough when it comes to weight loss?

  15. Sonja
    December 19th, 2012 @ 3:18 PM

    Which raises a good question for everyone: what is enough when it comes to weight loss?

    This is how I figured it out for me.
    When you have Black, White, Latino, and Asian women all acting salty towards you(acquaintances and strangers). :) When it’s like that you dont have to lose anymore you just do maintenance.

    BTW LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE the belt you’re wearing!!

    GoldenAh: Hello Sonja! Thank you. I got the belts from Amazon. I’ve been looking for a web site that offers big belts – haven’t found it yet.

    I hear you on the haters giving us a good idea of when to stop losing and start maintaining. :)

  16. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 10:50 AM

    @ Goldie

    Thanks for the kind regards for my mom! I will tell her. This is so huge because she was really bad off before.

    “I don’t know why so many black women look at the fact(s) staring them in face that even being over 180 lbs at the average woman’s height of 5’4″ is a KILLER. This is not normal. And the denials and counter “evidence” about being that obese can be healthy comes across as gross stupidity after a while.”

    I think this is double speak regarding BM and what BW think they find attractive. I think some BW are willing to kill themselves to be attractive to BM. BM trash BW and say they are too fat etc, but actions speak louder than words. I noticed that now when we happen to be around Black people in public (grocery, doctor,etc) we (my mom and I) are invisible to BM for the most part. We are given a wide berth. [When I make this statement I am in no way suggesting that BW are responsible for their harassment or that if you lose weight BM will be more respectful- a snake is still a snake-and I am sure some slender BW still get harrassed] But this distance is good for me because there is no more disrespect from them, but I watch these BM display an over familiarity with the larger BW who are around in these places. Its like the BM are repelled (which I am not complaining about) by us and the WM around are attracted – esp to my mom.

    And in the same vein these same BM, as evidenced through my male family members whom I have heard trash BW and their weight. When my mom had her last surgery my brother was making fun of an obese BW at his church on his cell – then had the nerve to do what my uncle did to my mom, and tell me “not to lose any more weight!” I had a West Indian dude I used to talk to trash about BW’s weight and after I started losing he told me “you shouldn’t lose too much..” FACEPALM. I am done.

    “I’m still stunned at how many meds your Mother had to take to control her blood pressure. Wow.”

    That was just for blood pressure. Don’t get me started on heart, diabetes, arthritis, nerve damage from the diabetes, and pain. When she would go to the hospital I would have to dump her meds in a grocery bag. And they all had side effects like extreme constipation, unclear thinking, mood swings, face/mouth swelling… I can tell stories. Now they all fit in a very small makeup bag.

    “I worried about diabetes and high blood pressure, although I don’t have any serious health ailments. I wanted to be fit (again) and not worry about it.”

    This is wonderful that you don’t have any major health issues! You are actually a unicorn in many circles!

    “I love that advice, if looking good is making the haters mad, take it to another level: make every effort to go around looking hot and sexy! :) Luv it.”

    I know right! She is already attracting attention. I am like – go as far as you can go.

    “See, I thought I missed something in not having sisters. Reading about how your Mother is being treated by them … I guess not.”

    LOL! Well I guess some sibling rivalry may be par for the course, but this is ridiculous. Your fam – if you had sisters- may have been more functional.

    “Why do so many of our folks have a stake in our individual misery? It’s a mystery to me.”

    I don’t get it either. At first it was shocking, but it has become humorous to me at this point. Because they are powerless to stop me, its my body- but its funny that they will try.

    “If I had a relative come down in weight like that – literally getting cured from all her problems – I’d be so thrilled for her. I’d even throw her a party, and I haven’t put together an event in years.”

    You are a great person! :)

    “Let your Mother know there are people out here, who love, admire and respect that she’s accomplished so much. I wish both of you well. :)”

    I will do! And thank you so much!

  17. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 11:10 AM

    @Goldie

    You are right it is a long term process. I can relate to the up and down. I keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over for the past few months. I know that it is connected to a recent emotional event. Remember the guy who was arrested for a traffic ticket and got strip searched? A border agent did the same to me. She never told me why-never read rights, but she did ask me what brand of bra she was holding in her hands bc it was so nice and where did I buy it from? I tried to report her and her boss wouldn’t give me her name and he took up for her. He told me they were doing a sweep for guns. Really, in a woman’s vajajay? I would love to meet the woman who can smuggle a gun there bc she should be famous.

    After that I began the yo-yo cycle.

    Goldie, don’t forget that there are a number of natural things that can help you to stabilize. Including good supplements. It sounds like your diet is pretty solid. I am sure if you keep tweaking you will find the right spot and combo of things that work.

    For example, via eliminating foods and slowly adding them back – I learned that I am allergic to eggs (they make me gain) and I am allergic to milk. I had no idea. I would have thought that you needed a violent reaction to be lactose intolerant,(my brother is) but that is not always the case. So no eggs or cheese or cream cheese (and I love cream cheese)or whipping cream (this is used for frostings in some paleo recipes) or anything with milk in it. So I have had to change my habits even more.

    GoldenAh: OMG. You got strip searched. That’s terrible. Years ago I got wanded and she was spending so much time on my chest I asked if she wanted me to take off my bra.

    Damn, now entering and leaving the country is like going thru a high security prison. I haven’t gone anywhere since they started getting this ridiculous. Sorry to hear this happened to you, Oshun. This is a health issue that would affect you.

    People gotta start asking where do we draw the line in the name of “security”? What happened to you brings back the issue to me – that we as black women get extra screening, although I’ve yet to see evidence of us hijacking planes.

    I am lactose intolerant as well. Not as sensitive to cheese, but I never want to push my luck. I have come to dislike eggs. They make me queasy.

  18. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 11:22 AM

    @ Goldie

    “I still eat junk food ;) cake and candy, but I have learned to eat it in smaller portions.”

    You may already be aware, but if not and you have the time or inclination you can make knockoffs that are paleo/primal. For all kinds of cakes, pies, candies, and cookies. There is a learning curve, but you can make everything from almond joys to peanut butter cups. German chocolate cake, Carrot cake, blondie brownies- – using stevia, palm sugar, or even a few dates as a sweetener.

    Ask me how I know? :) LOL! I love baking and I love chocolate and it has taken a while to find egg free recipes for treats, but it can be done.

    Now you might not have to be that strict… but it is worth a thought to make your own. :)

    GoldenAh: I used to bake cookies, but I don’t have the time. I find that what helps me with eating less, and this seems counterintuitive, is to keep the fridge and cabinets stuffed with food. I never use to do that, but I find keeping a lot of food – in many varieties – keeps me from overeating.

  19. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 11:39 AM

    @MsMellody

    I told my mom what you said and I think it lifted her spirits! She did laugh at your translations, but they were too true! She is still hanging in there. :)

    “The one Aunt that was asking for her old clothes from your mom will be the one to call her up on the phone in a couple of months and ask her “How did you do it girl?” asking for all types of “Food plan” tips etc.

    Mark my words…”

    You called it! Happened yesterday! LOL! My aunt (250llbs+) called and she said her husband told her to “ask your sister what she did to loose weight!” He is trim mind you and they are both the same age. And then he said “maybe you should have her plan your meals- you know tell you what to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

    Ok I am on the floor! Maybe that’s why mom didn’t get invited to any of the “events”. Lord the mens was looking! Not that my mom is the type of woman to tap up behind her sisters, but I can imagine that this is not the first time he said something after seeing her. Rock star momma! So I guess this type of thinking among some BW never gets old or goes away – ‘never leave a single attractive woman around your man- if you are married’. I am just too tickled.

    So she called and my mom said that I was the one doing all the planning and evaluating, and tweaking etc.. Then she said that she wanted to talk to me and have me plan her meals. Now this is after I sent her all kinds of info and links to books to get her started that she obviously didn’t heed.

    I want to help, but I also feel like I want to be compensated for helping her. This is a lot of work and it takes time – to see how her body responds and to adjust foods accordingly and she takes meds like my mom used to and that would need to be monitored so she doesn’t get sick as things improve. That’s a lot of time, energy, and contact.

    And then she said about me to my mom “Well Oshun uses almond flour and stuff like that…I don’t know nothing about that”. And I don’t think I want to deal with resistance or someone fighting me while I am helping them. I went through that enough with my mom until she saw results.

  20. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 11:48 AM

    @ Goldie

    “Because I am quiet, they think that is the same as pushover, chump, or “able to say anything I want to” without repercussions. Not with me.”

    I despise this behavior in people. Their antennae are bent. We are supposed to be better than animals. But this behavior feels so animalistic.

    “Some of the black whales are stupid too. What in the world are they thinking that I would endorse talking LOUDLY about all the other women in the office, esp. how much they hate white women? That tells me they are a few fries short of a happy meal.”

    And yet they congregate with these same WW to gossip about you? There is no happy meal, just empty wrappers and cartons.

    “I agree with you about expectations: we’re not supposed to really love and like ourselves. Frankly, too many BW telegraph to the world how much we do not think we are awesome. So, folks expect ALL black women to be their docile, meek and “brain-washable” servants in some form or fashion.”

    This is an interesting point. I wonder if that is what really bothered some others a while back when I started various beauty treatments. At any rate – those who think like this need to get over it and BW should as Evia says remove themselves from the toxic peeps and messages.

    “I check my face in a little mirror nearly every morning, not just because I am vain (okay, I am)”

    Nothing wrong with that! I think vanity can be a good thing. You are doing a public service by providing everyone with something pretty to look at.

    “I consider it simple grooming to make sure I don’t look like a hot mess. I’ve had not two, but three white women, say sarcastically, “Oh you’re pretty,” chuckling, because I’m checking my face in the mirror.”

    Well they sound threatened. And they have no boundaries. Haters all day long. Why be a hater and let everyone know that you are? Sad.

  21. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 11:53 AM

    @ Goldie

    “Now picture this: a mannish looking and walking “woman” wearing the same shirt day-in, day-out, sometimes weeks at a time. Yet, nevertheless, wants to come to me and have a conversation about my clothes and body. Creepy doesn’t even begin to describe this critter, but it is a good start.”

    I don’t know whether to cry at this description or laugh. Ok I am laughing at wearing the same shirt for weeks. Hopefully she has multiple shirts, but all in the same color…here’s hoping. But instead of her stepping up her game – she wants to tear you down. Pathetic. I am sorry that you even have to work with her.

    GoldenAh: It’s hilarious, really. Whenever I see her, she makes me think of an English bull dog. Not a nice thought, but some people remind me of animals.

    Fortunately, I don’t work with her. At all. She happens to sit nearby, which makes her obnoxious comments even more odious.

    And I’m cold. I don’t even look at her or acknowledge her. She tried speaking to me for a couple of days after her outbursts, but I don’t see or hear her anymore. Don’t have time for people like that. I see her looking at me, wanting to say something, but I suspect the look on my face makes her hold her tongue. ‘Cause if she said something, I’d let her hear my “observations” about how she looks. :D

  22. Oshun
    December 21st, 2012 @ 12:51 PM

    @ Goldie

    “Which raises a good question for everyone: what is enough when it comes to weight loss?”

    This is a really personal question to answer. Some people go by BMI, some by how they look in clothes…

    Maybe this it TMI…but here goes.

    At first for me it was how I looked in clothes. My body looks best at 125 – no more than 130- in clothes despite my being tallish. I get the most attention at 125-130. Men get so helpful and chatty. If I go over 130 I start looking blubberish w/o clothes and my butt doesn’t look as nice. I actually had to lose weight to get a booty! I guess it was bc of the hips. I could probably carry up to 160, but I don’t like how my body looks nude at that weight.

    Now my goal is totally flat stomach when I stand in the full length mirror nude. I want to wear a bikini! My tummy is pretty flat from my breasts to my navel, but I still have a pouch at the bottom below my navel. I have never been pregnant or had babies – so I don’t understand. It is a small pouch and its not noticeable in clothes, but it bothers me.

    Now if getting rid of the pouch makes my face/neck look drawn like Bethany Frankel or more mature – then I will gain.

    GoldenAh: Wow! You are tiny! So far my BMI with the ratio / size is good, but I’m aiming for a couple more pounds and then I am done.

    Seriously though – if I had the money – I would go for a little nip and tuck. I used to be against it, but I am willing to make a few exceptions. :)

  23. MsMellody
    December 21st, 2012 @ 2:31 PM

    Go Oshun!!! Go Girl!!

    These recent comments are totally awesome…reading about your weight loss and how you look at the overall picture is truly inspiring!!

    You know I have been a reader of these blogs for the past several years..and I will say it AGAIN..I have read things here, from the comments, and authors all around the bwe/common sense blogosphere and have been ABSOLUTELY transformed by them!! Just wanted to add that before you read below. Just so you know, that my thoughts are coming from a good place.

    Well Oshun, it looks like you have stumbled upon a possible blog idea, small business etc.

    CAUTION: The very idea of this may sound dazzling and one that you would want to jump at but..there are factors that I have given some thought to, they are listed below;

    1. This is your aunt that is asking for your input/help. That means that this is a close family relative. A relative that has a close tie to your MOTHER. Your mother whom you love and respect..and is also a sister to what I believe are 3(three) other women.

    2. The women factor ..the sister relationship factor..and the aunt factor must be taken into account. Whatever you do, tell or provide to the aunt that called for this info- will be shared with the other aunts. Meaning – whatever you write down or provide links to will be shared amongst the others.

    And it will also be CRITIQUED amongst the other sisters. These sisters have taken the time to evaluate your mother and have found an actual success story. So naturally they want to take part in this success..and have some of this success for themselves.

    Be very AWARE that these are still your aunts, and they are your mother’s sisters. This means that any bad vibes/energy/results will blow back on to your mother. SO BEWARE.

    3. Renumeration – having them pay you for your services/information will NOT BE POSSIBLE. IN NO WAY WILL THEY PAY YOU>>>EVEN IF YOU MAKE IT CLEAR UP FRONT.

    And here is where I will tread lightly…because you are family they WILL NOT PAY you for this information. Because you are Black THEY WILL NOT PAY you for this information. And because you are the little “Oshun” they saw grow up..maybe even babysat you, fed you when you were hungry at my house..blah blah blah..all these things will be swirling in each sister’s head if you come to them with -”…well this will be a lot of work..and I don’t want to deal with the resistance..and all the links that I will have to provide..all the recipes I have given you….” – so spare yourself the headache of expecting renumeration.

    DON’T EVEN EXPECT payment from this aunt or any of the other ones if you choose to undertake this task.

    In summation – reread that post from Khadija about being a Black landlord..or Black business owner..you know that was one of my favorite post of hers’.

    Now as it stands you can either take a deep breath and jump right in. Write up an action plan for how you are going to handle your aunt’s request for help.

    And I mean write everything down– your LIMITS as far as what info you are willing to provide for FREE. The exact links you are going to provide her..the exact products..and the exact amount of time you are going to spend reviewing her medication interactions.

    The links you will provide for her concerning her interactions with certain medications..give her a rundown on the price of products ( Vitacost.com is one of the best places I have found for almond flour and Atkins bake mix, soy flour etc, Whole Foods etc).

    Try to make this as painless as possible for yourself up front. Expect the other sisters to chime in with both positives and negatives. I do not forsee too many negatives- because of your mom’s success.

    Your mom’s success is one that these sisters can put their eyes and hands on directly! One thing that is always important for people is to be able to actually put their very own eyes and hands on a positive outcome. This will directly impact their BELIEF level.

    And as you and I both know – every ACTION generates from a BELIEF. No seamstress makes a dress without a PATTERN..no builder builds a building without PLANS.
    Our BELIEFS are those plans, those patterns that we draw from and build upon.

    THINK TWICE – CUT ONCE.

    Take your time and think about how far reaching this endeavor may become!

    This present aunt may tell a few people at her job/church etc about you and ultimately by word of mouth – you can develop a business or blog or social media following where companies could pay you for reviewing or using their products. Monetize your idea!!!

    Just a few thoughts.

    Go Girl GO!!!!!

    GoldenAh: Just wanted to stand and give you, MsMellody, applause for being such a positive and wonderful woman. And I appreciate the advice you, and all the other ladies, have opened up your hearts to share. I learned from everyone’s contributions as well.

  24. Nysee
    December 21st, 2012 @ 6:38 PM

    Dear Betty,
    They may have free zumba classes or other excercise classes for free. I am schep uling a make over at Macy’s so I can get the proper technique to apply make up because when you feel good and healthy, you want to show it off. My cousin was being sacarcastic and ask me do I go to the bathroom and thow up because I have lost some weight and unfourtunately she weighs about 200+ pounds. She has knee problems and her doctor told her she needs to lose weight. She said she is not giving up her fried chicken and mac and cheese. Obese and unhealthiness is NOT ATTRACTIVE. We do not get fruit from the stores if it does not look right because it certain things we look for.
    So keep up the good work and also check with your park district to see what other classes they offer because when you are healthy, your very positive and bright because your body does not have to work so hard for just every day activities.

    GoldenAh: Oh, I have to learn how to put on makeup as well. I want someone to show me how to do it within 5 minutes. I used to watch the Ford Model channel and other women on YouTube for putting on makeup. I learned a few tips on how to hide dark spots, but I would like to see what’s new today. I noticed some advertisements where the foundation could clear up the complexion after a few applications, and they seem to be making it simple. I need that.

    I would take a class mixed with weights. Currently, all I do is walk, but with this weather, I’ll have to start using my treadmill and weights again. Gonna have to blow the dust off of things. :)

    Your cousin can eat mac and cheese, but the portion will have to be much much smaller. That’s where the problem lays, Does she know when to stop eating? Can she put the fork down? People believe it’s about deprivation from their favorite foods. They can still mostly eat whatever they want, just not all in one sitting. Until she can control portion size (caloric intake), I don’t even believe exercising will do her any good.

    Nysee, I think it doesn’t even sink in for some people until a serious amount of weight comes off. Being lighter on the feet is not just literal, but figurative. There’s a mental burden that goes away. The sense that “the possibilities are endless” start to fill the mind. At least for me, I feel like, “Yeah, and I can do this too!”, and really really mean it.

    Thank you for your contribution. It is much appreciated.

  25. Oshun
    December 23rd, 2012 @ 11:59 AM

    @ MsMellody

    Thank you so much! I appreciate your support! I too have been greatly transformed by a lot of the input on the blogs! It has definitely improved my quality of life and I am very grateful!

    I don’t want to do it. And I feel bad about not wanting to do it.

    The main reason is I sent her links already. Had she been reading she would have something figured out by now. She never commented on the info I sent- nothing. Same with the product links. I even sent her to a certain doctor’s board because he is good with hormones and women who are menopausal/post menopausal who are trying to lose weight – and has had tremendous success with them. So it sounds/feels like she wants me to do all the work. While she just eats and doesn’t think and it doesn’t work like that. She has to make conscious decisions on a daily basis.

    My mom used to be like that. One of her doctors gave her a specific exercise to do to stop a lower body issue she was having (due to diabetic nerve damage) and my mom asked him “When do we begin?” He said, “YOU can do this anytime!” I was shocked that she would think that. What she asked him was the equivalent of asking your GYNO – “Um, can you schedule me multiple office appointments to do these Kegels?” It wasn’t Kegels that he had her doing but still. I laughed during the appointment, but I was shocked at the same time. We (meaning mom and the doc) are going to do this…together… really?

    I am scared that she may have the same attitude. Its not a hand holding attitude, but far worse. And I will get sucked into the black hole. I don’t mind some hand holding in the beginning bc she doesn’t know and its all new, but I don’t want to go down the black hole.

    “Meaning – whatever you write down or provide links to will be shared amongst the others. So naturally they want to take part in this success..and have some of this success for themselves.”

    Which wouldn’t do them much good as this would be tailored to this particular aunt. The same way I tailored my mom’s to her.

    I even scolded my mom one time for giving advice to the folks at her church willy-nilly. For example eating grapefruit while taking certain meds can make you very sick or even kill you.

    So I am hesitant when people ask for tips. I don’t know their background or whose on anti depressants or steriods etc.. I am not trying to land people in the hospital.

    I am very careful and I am not a med professional so when I changed her diet I researched deep- I chose specific things all for her. This took weeks and months! Plus evaluations and seeing how her body responded.

    “Be very AWARE that these are still your aunts, and they are your mother’s sisters. This means that any bad vibes/energy/results will blow back on to your mother. SO BEWARE.”

    Ok so now I am really not wanting to get involved. LOL I mean they are already not treating her very well.

    “3. Renumeration – having them pay you for your services/information will NOT BE POSSIBLE. IN NO WAY WILL THEY PAY YOU>>>EVEN IF YOU MAKE IT CLEAR UP FRONT.”

    LOL I thought about/figured that, but again this would be waay too time consuming.

    “And because you are the little “Oshun” they saw grow up..maybe even babysat you, fed you when you were hungry at my house..blah blah blah..all these things will be swirling in each sister’s head if you come to them”

    The deal is, they are/were backbiters. They were never kind to me. All of them. Starting at around age 13 or so up until the recent past. The only reason I am getting civility and respect from any of them is because I confronted a few of them a few years (2-3) ago. My dead aunt is the one whom I was close to and she took up for me with them.

    I have only been kind to this particular aunt bc when my mom had her kidney surgery last year she was concerned and did some things that helped. So I acted kindly in return. But I have no illusions that there is some huge trust/good relationship there and if it turns south then I will withdraw and draw deep lines once again.

    “give her a rundown on the price of products ( Vitacost.com is one of the best places I have found for almond flour and Atkins bake mix, soy flour etc, Whole Foods etc).”

    I did this with the original links I sent her! LOL! I even looked up some of the better stores in her area and sent them as links. I cc the email to her youngest daughter. Heard nada! LOL!

    “This present aunt may tell a few people at her job/church etc about you and ultimately by word of mouth – you can develop a business or blog or social media following where companies could pay you for reviewing or using their products. Monetize your idea!!!”

    Wow! Thanks for that idea! I never would have considered that. I will have to think about it. :)
    Go Girl GO!!!!!

  26. Oshun
    December 23rd, 2012 @ 12:06 PM

    @ Nysee

    “My cousin was being sacarcastic and ask me do I go to the bathroom and thow up because I have lost some weight and unfourtunately she weighs about 200+ pounds. She has knee problems and her doctor told her she needs to lose weight.”

    I am so sorry. My…my the ignorance.

    “She said she is not giving up her fried chicken and mac and cheese.”

    If she would educate herself she could have her fried chicken. Just in a different way and not every day. I can think of about 7 recipes off the top of my head ..

    There are even mac and cheese substitutes (provided she’s not dairy intolerant) that she could have instead of traditional pasta loaded with carbs and sugar.

  27. Oshun
    December 27th, 2012 @ 7:23 AM

    “All of the office whales have been laid off. I kid you not… Every single last one of them (not the whole company, just those I had a modest “working” relationship with). The company even jettisoned the ones that I thought were sorta nice, plus another from a completely different project / group.

    And yes, the people who worked with them, who are smaller in size, were retained.”

    Wow! I am in shock! And right after the holidays- no warning! Wow.

    GoldenAh: It didn’t happen in a day. There was a notice a couple of days (weeks?), before the lay-off. The real shock was that it was an about-face. They were told they were going to be kept. So something happened, of which I’m not privy to, that made management change their minds. I have my suspicions….

  28. Oshun
    December 27th, 2012 @ 6:31 PM

    I need advice on how to tactfully get rid of this woman.

    I have been sick with the flu starting the 23rd and despite my mom telling her that I am sick as a dog all thought Christmas etc she has been calling everyday about a meal plan. Not about me being sick, but about her meal plan.

    Did I mention that she has not spoken to me and asked me anything? Like whether I would agree to do this? And yet today when she called she told my mom to tell me to “just type up the meal plan and email it to her kid”.

    How is someone going to tell me? Especially to do something that labor intensive? Not ask me, but wow.. tell me.. and even though I am sick.

    I can’t tell whether I’m running a fever or its rage.

    I took my mom and showed her the email with all of the links I sent to her a few months ago. My mom’s eye bugged out of her head at all of the info I gave her: the boards, the products, the peer reviewed research, the books with recipes aka the beloved meal plans she desires so much. Can we say lazy and entitled?

    Does she want me to eat, crap, and wipe her backside for her too? All she had to do was click on the links and she would have found a lot to get her started on her own! And she has two children who work in medicine. And yes both are fat. You mean to tell me that they as medical professionals are that mentally deficient that they can’t figure out some books and links for their own mother?

    This is another thing that pisses me off in my family. Everyone wants to lean on me. Even when they have their own children- they want me to talk to the lawyer, the tax man, the doctor, fill out paperwork etc. I told my mom if I was lowdown I would take all the social security numbers I have, get 200k or more in credit and skip to the Caymans with Mitt Romney.

    But can I lean on them? Um no. So I try to disengage. And yes in now thinking about what MsMellody said about the sharing info – I do not want her fluffy med professional daughter benefiting from my labor. She hated on my clothes, hated on my rainbeaus, and amputated me for no reason – refused to have me at her wedding (which hurt the hell out of my feelings as I thought we were close- I have never seen nor met her husband or children) – so fluffy can turn to dough for all I care.

    GoldenAh: I hope you are feeling better, Oshun. Nothing makes you sick(er) than ungrateful, selfish people who enjoy hurting you.

    You said, “Tactfully.” Go with the word, “No.”

    I’m a volcano, so my reaction would be very different. Eons ago, I had a female cousin – as entitled, bossy and lazy – quickly move from her apartment to somewhere unknown after I let loose, but I can tell you are a very nice person. I’d say, as gently as you can, at every opportunity, “No,” to each request from now on until they all stop asking.

    Even if they want to know the time of day, you say, “I dunno.”

    Or ask for a specific amount of money upfront (like $50 for every 15 minutes of your time), before you dole out anymore advice or resources. One way or the other, I think that will get her (them) to stop bothering you.

    I hope that helps. Take good care of yourself, Oshun.

    Happy New Year!

  29. JaliliMaster
    December 27th, 2012 @ 10:42 PM

    I’m glad to see that some amongst us have started to realise that in addition to others (bm, ww, etc), that there are bw, even some of our own relatives, that want to use us as mules. It’s obvious that all of those your relatives are just jealous of you. Atleast you know you are doing something right.

    Some of y’all are too nice. These people have ignored you (& your mum in her time of need), it’s only fair that you get to ignore them now. Only expend your energy/resources on things that benefit you, or on those people you care about (and care for you in return). They cut you off and your cousin didn’t even invite you to her own wedding because of her hating. All you need to do is re-send the previous e-mail you sent to her. If her own ‘medically-trained’ children cannot be bothered to help her when you have fed them most of the info they need, then you really shouldn’t let them burden you with it. The worst they can do is to continue hating on you while you continue living your life.

  30. MsMellody
    December 28th, 2012 @ 8:18 AM

    To the wonderful Oshun!!!

    ROTFL my smaller size behind off!! That “fluffy med professional daughter can turn to dough for all I care” comment had me doubled over.

    Oh my my my, Oshun looks like its time to just hit “resend” on the email you sent your aunt, with a quick one or two sentences reminding her that you had previously sent this info.

    And to Betty -

    Oh my God, I am sorry to hear of the “office whales” being layed off. They will be in my prayers..even if I dont know their names I am not one to dance in glee over anyones difficulties.

    This issue of what companies are doing nowadays is just TOO REAL. And I mean “realreal”..this weight and image issue as discussed through this blog and others has helped me tremendously!

    Transformatively – meaning I still recall little comments and info that I have learned here and other bwe/common sense blogs. Paleo, clean eating, “monetizing their bodies” comment that I read somewhere concerning how wf’s maintain their bodies, how they consider their bodies/image as an ASSET not a liability/afterthought as some bw’s have done.

    I mean these little comments like this have helped me to understand how vital my understanding of my personal power is to me. How vital understanding my own personal power can mean to my family, where I live, how I live…just everything. Who I dated and ultimately who I married.

    The other nite I was cleaning the counters of our kitchen and came across and old article that greatly interested me. Just a heads up Coty is planning to go public next year ladies!! Yes the same company that owns OPI nail products is going public.

    The link is below;

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324731304578193380376860070.html

    Happy New Year everyone!! Blessings to All

  31. Nysee
    December 28th, 2012 @ 11:27 AM

    Dear Betty,
    I was thinking in addition to your fabulous weight loss, I want us BW to do several more things in the upcoming months. I have schedule a dental appointment because we want to to be our optimal best for future social evetns and expanding our social circle even more.
    I have made an appointment for my mammogram.
    I have made an appointment for my physical.
    Write down a list of activites to do.
    I will be doing some traveling no matter what and each and every month visit some place in the U.S. and interantionally.
    Write down your 2nd and 3rd streams of income because BW are very talented, inteligent and resourcefula dn we will put ourselves first and foremost. Yes, if you have children they will be provided for but I can not give them what I don’t have. Support people such as yourself and places and entitities that support us and leave a postive impression of Black Women in our society so our daughters, nieces and Black females know that we are of vaule and other people see and know our value in a good way.
    Sorry for the long post.
    Wishing everyone a Happy 2013 and look forward to many great things we will write about and be involved in.

    GoldenAh: This is an awesome comment, Nysee. Don’t apologize at all. This keeps me honest, because it is where I want to go. These are some of my goals as well. How do we prosper without an excellent reminder of what we need and should achieve?

    Love your list. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts. Although it takes a long time for me to respond, I love the feedback.

    And I want to thank you for coming here and sharing them. Happy New Year. :D

  32. MsMellody
    December 28th, 2012 @ 3:37 PM

    Nysee!!! This is SOOOO Kismet..your comment;

    “Write down your 2nd and 3rd streams of income”

    I came here to post this link about the breaking news that you can now host your own website THROUGH freakin Amazon servers!!

    Not exactly sure ( because I am not a website developer or current website owner ) but this seems to be some awesome stuff in the tech world.

    Here is the link on the story;

    http://aws.typepad.com/aws/2012/12/root-domain-website-hosting-for-amazon-s3.html

    Second and third streams of income are often generated through web traffic..so have at it!!

    GoldenAh: One thing I like about big companies like Google, PayPal and Amazon, is that if you have a few items to sell, they are terrific for handling the item listing, shipping (Amazon will hold products for you), monetary payments (Paypal), and advertising (Facebook was good at one time), etc.

    They all can make running a tiny side business simple. Frankly, I don’t have the time or inclination to set up a website to sell stuff. These companies have literally made a big difference for me in the past. And when I have time, I’ll check out more of their features.

    Thank you for the link, MsMellody.

    And I’d encourage anyone who’s interested in starting small, just play around and test what Amazon, Google and others have to offer in taking care of the tiny or small vendor. You start to appreciate the little bits of income that come your way…. Don’t be afraid of trial and error….

  33. Andrea
    January 5th, 2013 @ 12:03 AM

    I love reading about Black women losing weight and getting in shape. I’m very proud of all of you! Too many BW are willing to stay fat and damage their health and social life just to appease the haters. I believe people pleasing and fear is the number one reason so many BW are overweight.

    @GoldenAh
    You look terrific! I love the belts. And I am glad that you were not among those at your office let go. I have seen the “fat people first” firings up close too. I used to work at a company that did telemarketing and marketing research and even though the clients never came into contact with 99% of the employees, when they needed to cut the fat they did it literally. When I told my parents about it, they were not surprised.

    @Oshun
    I am so pleased to hear about your mothers’ achievement, and yours. It’s truly remarkable! And the fact that your mother doesn’t have one relative other than you who is happy for her is ridiculous. I am always amazed when I hear about a person who no longer has to take medication because they lost weight and changed their eating habits. I don’t know what kind of sociopath you would have to be to not be happy for and proud of such a person, especially your own flesh and blood. I don’t even know your mother and I am totally proud of her. I hope she doesn’t start slipping because of the haters. I’ve seen that happen with a friend of mine. Her hater is her own mother. My friend lost more than 90 pounds, but has regained 17 of them and her mother seems to be trying to get her to regain more. It’s sad.

    Also, I agree with GoldenAh and JaliliMaster about your aunt. You don’t owe someone who has been that rude to you and your mother anything. She didn’t even have the decency to ask you directly for your help, but expected to get your help while you were ill, and never checked to see how you were doing. I would either resend the email you already sent or just say no. Both would be appropriate, considering her behavior towards both you and your mother.

    The sad part is, even online Black people want to sabotage BW who are losing weight. I see it on YT videos and fitness blogs. Even when you are not trying to lose weight you may get crazy remarks about weight. I use to play a fashion game on FB and one of my FB friends (a BW) said that my avatar was too skinny. It’s a freaking cartoon! And I didn’t create it. I can just imagine what she would say about me if I was one of those women who posted pics of myself online. LOL.

    @Nysee
    I don’t want to be intrusive, but I was told by my own gynecologist not to have a mammogram unless I believed I already had a lump. She said that there have been studies that show they may increase the likelihood of breast cancer. Just thought I should let you know.

    @MsMellody
    Thank you for the link! I’ll be sure to check it out.

    Happy 2013 Everyone!

    GoldenAh: Happy New Year to you as well, Andrea. Thank you for the compliments and well wishes.

    That business of companies getting rid of the big people…it’s something else. You know, years ago I thought I was tripping, but then like a few weeks later, I started to notice how a majority of the people left were small or medium sized. And companies don’t care if they let go of contractors, temps or full time. They are always the first out the door. I also see that when they hire full time employees they are tiny or slender women, but men can be a bit heftier.

    Your folks and mine know the deal. My Mom was always after me about how I dressed. That’s why I laughed at those who always had something to say about my clothes. I’d rather be considered overdressed sometimes than be seen as someone wearing the same exact top for two whole weeks. People like to say that grooming, size and whatever doesn’t matter, but they’re lying. :D

  34. Oshun
    January 7th, 2013 @ 2:46 PM

    Thank you Goldie, MsMellody, Andrea, and JaliliMaster for the advice. I decided not to respond at all. The longer I thought about it – the angrier I became. Plus I still have been dealing with this – I think it is the flu and its no fun.

    @Goldie

    On a lighter note- Betty, I engaged in serious retail therapy while I was ill. I know I had mentioned it before about needing clothes and you gave me some good advice and links and I finally bought from a couple of the stores you recommended. I was able to get some pretty good deals due to the holidays. I got one of my arrivals Friday and they fit perfectly! So now I am wanting more pretty clothes.

    Re: Firing all the overweight workers-

    Would it even have helped to have “friends” in high places? I am not for peeps being obese, but wow – only the overweight people were fired? This must be related to health care costs.

    @Nysee
    Congrats to you for all the self-care! :) I wish I was traveling now. And thanks for reminding us to stay on the ball regarding income streams.

    @Andrea
    Wow…fat people first firings? I have been in a cave. I had no idea. Lord!

    Thanks for the compliments. I will share that with my mom.

    “My friend lost more than 90 pounds, but has regained 17 of them and her mother seems to be trying to get her to regain more. It’s sad. ”

    This is an amazing feat to be proud of! I don’t get how a mom can sabotage her own daughter! Who wants worse for their daughter?

    “The sad part is, even online Black people want to sabotage BW who are losing weight. I see it on YT videos and fitness blogs. Even when you are not trying to lose weight you may get crazy remarks about weight.”

    I can believe it. I used to think it was personal. Its not. I think as more of us BW take back our power and start putting these fools in their places – they will learn to shut up and all the extra commentary is unwelcome.

  35. Oshun
    January 7th, 2013 @ 6:50 PM

    @ Goldenah

    I missed your response!

    “OMG. You got strip searched. That’s terrible.”

    Everytime I think about it – it makes me want to cry. I went to her superior and he suggested that she could have done a cavity search and would have been well within her rights to do so. I was so triggered.

    “Years ago I got wanded and she was spending so much time on my chest I asked if she wanted me to take off my bra.”

    I am so sorry that happened. I swear I think some of these TSA creeps are freaking sex offenders. And the killing part is that they are the same gender as you are! But I guess that has nothing to do with abusers. This woman was assaulted.

    http://www.sagatube.com/watch_FkM6n5qbMa4_-_TSA-Abuse.html

    I stayed over in Scottsdale for a few days and I was so glad no one bothered me when I boarded in Phoenix because I would have went to jail. But they did get this elderly woman – elderly for christsakes- and a pregnant woman to “pat down” who were in front of me. The pregnant woman was sooo pregnant and you can tell she didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave her purse and the TSA so and so was all like, “No! Just leave it! Leave your purse and step over here..Mam..leave your purse and come around here!”

    I felt so badly for her.

    “Damn, now entering and leaving the country is like going thru a high security prison. I haven’t gone anywhere since they started getting this ridiculous.”

    It is. There is a you tube tape of cell phone audio of a couple who went to visit Canada and the USA agents – well if the constitution still stood- the were unlawfully detained. All they wanted to do was go shopping and sightsee.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-AWBfxsL6k

    “Sorry to hear this happened to you, Oshun. This is a health issue that would affect you.”

    Thank you. This makes me want to leave here asap and never come back.

    “People gotta start asking where do we draw the line in the name of “security”? What happened to you brings back the issue to me – that we as black women get extra screening, although I’ve yet to see evidence of us hijacking planes.”

    I don’t know what the stats are, but when I got across the border the locals were like – they are doing this to everyone. And they were surprised that I was so livid and shaken.
    The crazy part is that the women border patrols were something else.

    “I am lactose intolerant as well. Not as sensitive to cheese, but I never want to push my luck. I have come to dislike eggs. They make me queasy.”

    :) LOL well you are well ahead of the game – I am finding this out about myself soo late.

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