BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


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Lately, people have been calling me skinny

Posted on | December 6, 2012 | 35 Comments

It’s a weird comment to hear, especially coming from one of the office whales. You know, like if you think I am skinny, what does that make you?

And she sounded exasperated, like how dare I appear so small – at least in her eyes, because I don’t see it. I was told by someone else – who I really regard as “in shape” that my waist appears “tiny”. While I admire the bodies of Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield or Jane Russell, I don’t imagine I look anywhere near those figures.

Somehow this was the year I got my eating under control, but I walk no more than 25 to 50 minutes daily. If time and the weather allows. I really miss weight lifting.

And by the way, my waist is 28 inches, I have to measure my top and bottom again. I haven’t done that in a while. I am aiming for 36 – 26 – 36, if that’s possible. Back in the good ol’ says, those were my measurements.

I eat apples for breakfast, apparently they are natural appetite suppressors. I also eat very few sugary foods, bread, rice and I stick to meat, veggies and fruit that don’t give me gas (LOL) or make me hungry. I confess I like salty and spicy foods. I drink a couple glasses of water when I think I’ve overdone it.

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See? No big deal. And I love big belts.

What’s on your mind?

Update: another belt I love.
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35 Responses to “Lately, people have been calling me skinny”

  1. Jazine
    December 10th, 2012 @ 9:26 AM

    Rock it, Betty! LMAO on “office whales”.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Jazine. I’ve been putting up with nonsense from these people for months. And I am so tempted to spit verbal Hellfire at them, but I refuse to lose my cool.

  2. trish
    December 12th, 2012 @ 12:28 AM

    That’s great news. Some of us would kill to hear that lol.

    GoldenAh: Thank you,Trish. I suspect that part of my problem with losing weight was not just emotional eating, but hormonal. I used to walk and workout for hours just to drop a pound a week. Now, I can do that without going through a rigorous routine.

    And now that I think about it there’s about 2 other black women around my size and height – everyone else is bigger. But the office whale – a white woman – who called me “skinny” sits next to an Asian girl who is roughly about half my size. She said nothing to her about her weight. People expect black women to be big. And they don’t have a right to approach near strangers and act like our waist, butt, belly or boobies is any of their business. I know if I start calling them out on how big they are – these vocal women would be all butt hurt.

  3. Oshun
    December 12th, 2012 @ 5:37 PM

    Congratulations Betty! Good for you! You should be proud!

    The hate you are getting, sadly, is normal.

    My mother’s sisters have started hating on her for real. These were all women who, when they were young were like size negative 0’s. Now they all range in the high 200’s to 300 pounds.

    Since I lost weight – I got on my mom. No need to rehash the hate I got – my aunt even told me that I am disappearing. My mom listened and the only thing she is monitoring is her heart condition – no more diabetes meds for her- her blood pressure is normal. She is even in the normal range on the BMI thing and has been maintaining. All of her doctors praise her. She has no more hip, back, or knee aches. She can walk long distances without a cane – lord she was on a cane- and she can bend and lift things. Whereas before I would walk past her and she would almost tip over – she had no balance. Her posture is better – which makes her carry her body better and she looks younger.

    And I have helped her with her wardrobe. Got her a good bra and some new clothes and hon her stomach looks flat in all her clothes! From the neck down in clothes she can easily pass for late 20’s. And everywhere we go together nothing, but WM try to holla. I am like you need to gone on and make that move…

    Her sisters were here last week and omg…the hate. I’m like for real, we hating?.. for real? Her sister from Detroit told her that she didn’t need to lose anymore weight. I dont know what it is about negros and other folks “not needing to lose anymore weight”! Especially coming from the obese.

    And she hit her back (gotta love them scorpios) “well you need TO lose some weight… ’cause you too big AND you got a heart condition”. And they kept going on and on about how she needs to weigh at least 180 pounds.

    Nevermind that everyone at the family event was fawning all over her about how good she looked and some family friends walked past her because they said they didn’t even recognize her.

    After the event, they snubbed her. All of them. All of her sisters. Didn’t call for the remainder of their stay, didn’t stop by, didn’t let my mom know they were leaving, and didn’t invite her to the other family meals and gatherings. One of my aunts asked my mom for some of her old clothes and my mom gathered some of her nice too large beaded dinner suits/church outfits up to give to her. This woman snubbed her too and left without saying a word. My mom had to put the suits back in the closet.

    Then another aunt called and said that they were talking about my mom at the other “family events” (that we thin people were not invited to). Are you serious?? Lord I wish this was reality TV!

    They were saying that she lost too much weight and she is too thin – she is 160. Her doctors approve. They think its great and she cuts a nice figure in her clothing. Plus her health issues have abated and she can move and isn’t falling like she was. And they were saying they need to keep an eye on her. I am like for what? And some eye that will be – they couldn’t be bothered to see to her after her heart attack or her kidney tumor and she has been BANNED from all family events…so how/what eye of concern are they keeping on her? Oooo chile negroes be workin my nerve!

    Today the final nail in the coffin was my uncle who came over and told her she has lost too much weight. That she needs to weigh at least 200 pounds. At 200 pounds my mother was overweight and going to the hospital for saline transfusions to lower her blood sugar and was taking 7 blood pressure meds. That was not a typo-7 blood pressure meds. This negro is crazy/!

    And now my mom is butt hurt and talking about it over and over and over again. She is hurt they snubbed her and that they keep talking about her weight. I told her you listen to them and you will be dead.

    I keep showing her pictures of Ernestine Shepard. I told her dont stop now. Really make em mad. Tone up. Then we can go shopping for thongs and gold body glitter! I had to slip that hood in there somewhere. πŸ˜‰

    So you keep your head up Goldie and doing what you do. Folks a mess thinking they can comment on what somebody else can do with their own bodies. BW are too fat on one hand and then if you lose and get it together you would think that the world ended for them – for real? Like just because you have lost a few pounds and are all fit – like what does that have to do with anyone else??

    Congratulations again and my hats off to you. Keep the good habits for life… πŸ™‚

    GoldenAh: Thank you and bless your Mother, Oshun. Congratulations to her and you as well. I am in awe. She literally cured her ailments simply by taking off the pounds. This is irrefutable evidence of how much a difference weight loss makes. I don’t know why so many black women look at the fact(s) staring them in face that even being over 180 lbs at the average woman’s height of 5’4″ is a KILLER. This is not normal. And the denials and counter “evidence” about being that obese can be healthy comes across as gross stupidity after a while. It’s like the fight over smoking carcinogens. That ship has sailed.

    I’m still stunned at how many meds your Mother had to take to control her blood pressure. Wow.

    I worried about diabetes and high blood pressure, although I don’t have any serious health ailments. I wanted to be fit (again) and not worry about it. I don’t like the thought of being on any medication. My Mother complains about how her HBP meds makes her smell funny. I’ve heard and read enough about the horrors of what diabetes, plus the meds, does to the body. That alone frightens me to stay in shape.

    I love that advice, if looking good is making the haters mad, take it to another level: make every effort to go around looking hot and sexy! πŸ™‚ Luv it.

    See, I thought I missed something in not having sisters. Reading about how your Mother is being treated by them … I guess not. Sad. You have a lot of self-control Oshun, some of those relatives treating my Mother like that would have received some verbal missiles from me. But I can see, as you say, she can zing them good all on her own. πŸ™‚

    Why do so many of our folks have a stake in our individual misery? It’s a mystery to me. I guess people do feed off of the unhappiness and desperation of others. Too many takers. Well, even though I am not religious, I do recall that the first horrible story in the Bible is about sibling jealousy. Le sigh. People do not change.

    If I had a relative come down in weight like that – literally getting cured from all her problems – I’d be so thrilled for her. I’d even throw her a party, and I haven’t put together an event in years.

    Let your Mother know there are people out here, who love, admire and respect that she’s accomplished so much. I wish both of you well. πŸ™‚

  4. Oshun
    December 12th, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

    “While I admire the bodies of Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield or Jane Russell, I don’t imagine I look anywhere near those figures.”

    Well you’re getting close!

    GoldenAh: Thanks Oshun! We’ll see. This is a long term process. I have been going up and down for years. I feel more determined this time. The “haters” are encouraging to me. I can do a 180Β° on nearly anything I set my mind to….

  5. LMH
    December 13th, 2012 @ 1:14 PM

    De-lurking to say congratulations on the weight loss. Some people will never be able to handle your weight loss because it convicts them and/or they are simply jealous. But anyone who has had any amount of success losing weight knows it takes conscious effort and committment.

    Keep up the good work!

    GoldenAh: Thank you, LMH. I feel rather “steely” these days. Maybe the irritation is paying off. The biggest battle is keeping myself under control and not letting anything slide. I get into all sorts of trouble when that happens. πŸ˜‰

  6. MsMellody
    December 13th, 2012 @ 2:27 PM

    Hi Betty!!!

    Tap dancing and jumping for joy for you !!! (smile)

    Those pics were wonderful!! Laughing at the “office whale” label. Oh so appropo from what I gather…and yes they seem to have found a way to breath on land nowadays!! Lol

    Back to those fab pics!! GO GIRL GO.

    I am sheepishly raising my hand to add a little bit of personal info..I too have lost a bit of weight recently. Even did something I thought I would never see..I bought a pair of pants in a size 10!! And because I am not particularly hippy – I had to take them to the cleaners to have them taken in!!

    As a woman – that felt realllly great to walk in and have some items taken in — instead of having them let out!

    Betty keep up the good work!!! Your food plan sounds very good – nutritious, simple, clean -meaning not full of processed additives, high fructose corn additives or extra unnecessary sugars, portable, and something that everyone can do.

    GoldenAh: Hello MsMellody! Great to hear from you. Thank you for your support. And good for you too! It does feel great to get into a smaller size!

    I want everyone to know I appreciate the positive feedback. This is the first time I have worked in an office full of women who worry about how I look. Bizarre. I am not preventing them from having a life.

    I still eat junk food πŸ˜‰ cake and candy, but I have learned to eat it in smaller portions.

    I hope the ladies out there let us know what works for them. I am a meat eater of the first order, and as you’ve noticed I try to stay away from processed and sugary foods. I’ve discovered they make me hungry, tired and not to mention I end up with new allergies. So, yeah I have to keep it simple.

  7. Bellydancer
    December 13th, 2012 @ 4:55 PM

    I have been doing Paleo diet with lots of fish, chicken and red meat once a week and lots of veggies and trying to limit white carbs. Golden keep up the good work my waist is going down too and I lost 4 pounds last month. Oshun tell your mother to ignore the haters and we are proud of her!

    GoldenAh: That is fantastic, Bellydancer! I ain’t afraid of meat. I’ll even add bacon to a hero sandwich nearly every time. I want to get back to making my blended yogurt, baby spinach, etc. drinks for breakfast, those were good too.

    Eating this simple way really helps with the body’s removal of excess fat and toxins without fasting or crazy workout routines.

    Good luck!

  8. Nysee
    December 13th, 2012 @ 5:00 PM

    DEar Betty,

    Comgrulations on your weight loss. It is not easy but the results are worth it. Reaize
    that you limit your life and lifespan because good health afford you many good things in life. You can shopat regular stores and thifts store. Get things of the better clothes rack like when a business donate something with the tags still on them.
    You can get any job because you can move around more.
    The segement of non-black men usually prefer a healthier woman , not skin and bones and not obese, but a fit woman because she has more of an upbeat personality and know that because she is healthier, they can do more traveling and other activites (LOL).
    So keep up the excellent work on you and all your success.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Nysee! And you are so on point about looks regarding work, getting hired and finding good, quality clothes. The smaller the physique, the more clothes we can find. And frankly almost everything looks good, whether we’re trying or not.

    Also in this economy, I am not going to play naive: people are hired based on looks, and while I believe it’s unconscious bias every advantage or factor counts. Companies don’t want big employees who’ll cost them via healthcare.

    I worked in places where the boss said he wouldn’t hire a woman, because she was too big to sit on his lap! In another, they let all the heavyset, less attractive women go first. So, folks can go on about “fat” acceptance, the cold truth is people – especially women – are judged by their SIZE, not just a pretty face.

  9. MsMellody
    December 14th, 2012 @ 5:14 PM

    To Nysee

    You do realize this is going to be my Christmas card that I send out to all my black female friends?!?! Because it is SOOOO SPOT ON that it almost sings with the real sounds of WISDOM. One of the best gifts you can give any woman… Big hug to you!!!!!

    Reaize
    that you limit your life and lifespan because good health afford you many good things in life. You can shopat regular stores and thifts store. Get things of the better clothes rack like when a business donate something with the tags still on them.
    You can get any job because you can move around more.
    The segement of non-black men usually prefer a healthier woman , not skin and bones and not obese, but a fit woman because she has more of an upbeat personality and know that because she is healthier, they can do more traveling and other activites

  10. MsMellody
    December 14th, 2012 @ 5:34 PM

    To the fabulous Oshun!!!

    Girl Girl Girl!!! That surely sounded like a reality show!!

    On a deeply personal note – MY mother is a Scorpio as well!!!!! Oh my God I can tell you stories about that sharp pointed wit getting people between the vertebrates at a blink of an eye!! And I know one thing about my mom…even with that sharp wit and quick comeback she has a heart of gold and is very sensitive!!

    So from a daughter of a Scorpio to another one — KEEP ENCOURAGING YOUR MOM…and I mean you have to – HAVE TO break it down like this;

    That sister from Detroit said “you dont NEED to lose anymore weight”
    GIVE YOUR MOM THE TRANSLATION; ” your losing weight is really making me look bad, so instead of me being a caring kind sister who should by all rights be supportive, I am being put on point around you so I am going to try to piss on your head and call it rain and say that you dont need to lose weight”

    And that brother of hers making a special trip over to the house to say that ” you have lost too much weight you need to be at least 200 pounds”

    GIVE YOUR MOM THE TRANSLATION: ” Sis, you are losing weight and where as I should be glad for you, and jumping for joy that you no longer make trips to the hospital to get your blood sugar within normal range, and you are off 7 (seven) BP medications, I feel that you losing weight may just inspire other Black women to lose weight and that may mean that these same black women may start seeing that life offers many options and as a Black man I depend on Black women being downtrodden, slow moving cash cows filling the church so that I may go thru them for easy pickins’ when I feel the urge to do so. But Sis, I wont ever tell you something like this – so what I said yesterday was just to try to dampen your spirit so that your light won’t harken and beckon to other Black women in your circle of influence”

    Oshun – I apologize if I have categorized your Uncle on a personal level. I was just letting what I have read, seen and even heard on a personal level from growing up around Black men..and how they talk..when they think your not within earshot.

    In closing, I think it is a shame that other people who obviously need to do the EXACT same things that your mom has done – eat healthier CHOICES when it comes to meals, portion control, more physical movement, better outlook & goal planning – would actively engage in talking bad about her and bad about her behind her back.

    And oh yeah – that after family event that they didnt invite her to – oh they were just too mad, too embarassed, and the ultimate too jealous and too ashamed in the end to admit that that was the way they all felt.

    The one Aunt that was asking for her old clothes from your mom will be the one to call her up on the phone in a couple of months and ask her “How did you do it girl?” asking for all types of “Food plan” tips etc.

    Mark my words…



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