BETTY CHAMBERS

Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things


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Open Forum: What’s On Your Mind?

Posted on | February 10, 2013 | 31 Comments

I’m a blank right now. 😀

Pick any topic you like or post links.

The floor is yours.

The Blizzard That Wasn’t

I was expecting more snow, but I’m thankful my area wasn’t hit with much. A good lot of it has melted away already. Unfortunately, the New England area is another story.

Amazing Analysis of Scandal

I want to give props to Faith (actsoffaithblog.com) for her insightful examination of Scandal. It came about due to Star Jones trying to dictate to Shonda Rhimes about the direction of the show’s characters.

I loved reading her thoughts on this topic. Enjoy.

 

 

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31 Responses to “Open Forum: What’s On Your Mind?”

  1. Oshun
    February 10th, 2013 @ 10:04 PM

    Hey GoldenAh!

    So glad to hear that you haven’t been totally snowed under! I am mad that we are finally getting temps in the 40s to 50s. 🙂 I don’t think I can handle the freezing temps and snow/ice up there. 🙂

    The two major things on my mind are:

    #1 the demonic proliferation of black love relationship gurus as I posted in the other thread. In the words of Florida Evans (discovered Good Times on Roku LOL)these people “don’t know shellac from shinenola” and are just spouting garbage left and right.

    #2 the hijacking of the BWE message. I am pleased that the BWE message has been spreading and getting out to BW, but I have noticed that a.) that there is a cadre of DBR men and women who are co-opting and slipping poison in and b.) some of the core tenants of BWE have been turned into what Khadijah called “empty slogans”.

    I am grateful, so grateful to BWE pioneers and having my eyes opened. I am especially grateful to Khadijah for being so uncompromising and teaching about nuance or I would not be able to discern the poison in these messages.

    For example on BlogTalk there is much talk about Evia’s “Quality Man”concept, Khadija’s “protect & provide..” has even gone mainstream all the way to Steve Harvey and both of these concepts have been co-opted turned into empty slogans and have had poison attached to them.

    For example one DBR (allegedly married) called in to a show of single women (side eye* trolling for back up booty corps recruits) talked about quality men and all of these wonderful traits they should have and how BW should not settle for less.

    He even talked about compatibility – which is something you know that black folks didn’t even discuss a few years ago because apparently all BW and BM were compatible because they were black. Then went on about being equally yoked – which is just another phrase for having compatible values and attitudes towards life blah blah blah…sounds great, good, and grand.

    Then he turns around after he has just gassed them up by telling them they deserve so much more in men and by essentially giving him the Black Massa Kang official stamp of approval/permission to seek that out in men…he then asks the late 30s to 40 something single never married women- “would they be interested in snagging a guy such as himself?” Side eye* booty corp recruitment alert.

    And of course they say yes they would because he wants the best for them *hack swallows vomit in back of throat* I mean knows all the right things to say…

    And then he proceeds to tell them that to get a guy like him “a quality man”, they need to introduce themselves to men, ask them out, and offer to pay for the first date. According to him a “quality man” will be very impressed with this but according to him you have to make sure that he is a “quality man”.

    I am not a Christian, but I rebuke you Satan in the name of Jesus, the devil is a lie, and get thee behind me.

    I can not believe that the women on this show were like “well I do introduce myself to men and I have paid for a date before and yes, you have to make sure that he is a ‘quality man’…and I am like just *dead*

    Same old same old…very old, rotten, putrid, acidic wine…damn near vinegar- in a spanking brand new wineskin.

    Black woman its all on you. You need to approach, wine and dine a negro, take the lead in the relationship (and yet let a man be a man) and it might work out if you are psychic enough to divine that he is a quality man after you have wined and dined him.

    That is the very antithesis of a quality man.

    And these people are legion. I had no idea that BlogTalk was becoming the slick willie version of You Tube. But its morphing and slicker and I have no words.

    I am not going to even get on the 3.6 million shows that are dedicated to sex. I feel like shooting off some rageful emails saying “don’t you think negros have got the sex game on lock considering the nearly 80% out of wedlock rate combined with the HIV rate?”

    And I am not going to go there either on the other 3.6 million shows talking about Jesus, Jesus, and more Jesus. LOL

    Scrolling through the shows makes it look like all negros think about is eating, sleeping, screwing, eliminating, and shouting hallelujah.

    Black people need to just shut up and stay away from public outlets because some of the stuff I am hearing is even slicker than I mentioned above, and so dysfunctional and just demonic. Its just evil and vile.

    Rant Over

    GoldenAh: I know some of us wish that the BWE message could reach black women without being degraded or hampered by a loss of logic and common sense. However, the nature of communications is that by the time it reaches these women it’s gone through several filters and, as we know, nothing can stay unaffected after going through swamp, sludge, trash, and the sewer. I don’t even believe multiple steps through purification would help give it back its integrity. 😀

    Those who seek transformation have to be seeking that change from the get-go. It starts to occur when a black women innately senses something is wrong with what they’re hearing and being advised to do from the black media or the lost tribes of Blackistan.

    We also have to realize that some of the black women who are getting bamboozled by a warped message, which defies common sense, are hearing what they want to hear. That’s nearly impossible to change.

    If they start out with a simple rule: I need to be treated as well, if not better, than other women – they will thrive. Unfortunately, the black media continues to tell them they should be thrilled with polluted, foul and rancid meat. After a while, I don’t even think they notice how bad it is.

    That’s why black women are portrayed as having the hardest time letting a negro “free”, because she’s “invested” so much in the useless fellow. She’s been the man from jump and when someone else comes along… That’s why I don’t find any humor in any story about women slashing tires, keying cars or being unable to disengage from a knucklehead without going bonkers. All that anger is due to getting into a “relationship” with a sign that says, “Please use me. I am emotionally hungry and affection starved.”

    Maybe I’ll write about it one day….

  2. Oshun
    February 10th, 2013 @ 10:14 PM

    On a more personal note. I am building a new side hustle. I have decided where I want to move in the U.S. down to the neighborhood and am taking steps towards that and I have decided on where I want my 2nd citizenship. I am planing 2 trips loosely right now. One to the state where I wish to relocate and the other out of the country for dating/marriage purposes.

    I felt a twinge of pity and I did resend the email to my aunt and wrote her some general guidelines to follow – as a test. Her daughter said that she was going to the library to print out the email because they ran out of printer paper at home.

    I thought why not just buy printer paper? And I told them I sent a lot of links in the original email and it may be better to sit and read through them (take notes or copy paste in word/text) when you come across certain info you want to keep or recipes you want vs trying to print that all out. It doesn’t make sense to print them out as that is a lot of info. Silence. No thanks given at all.

    I am officially done.

    GoldenAh: Fantastic! Good for you, Oshun. I’m dual citizenship, but that was none of my doing. My mom made that happen. In light of stuff that’s happening in this day-and-age, you never know where you may have to run to. After 9/11, nothing is off the table. Who knows what could happen next? And this gov’t is turning scary. First and foremost we must think of our well being, thriving and going beyond just surviving.

    I congratulate you on the side hustle too. I wish I wasn’t such a low energy woman, I could do so much more. But it is, what it is. I’m always on the search for technology and outsourcing to make things easier for myself. Two things I’ve learned: everything is negotiable and you can sell nearly everything – there’s always a buyer. Sometimes we talk ourselves out of making extra money because we believe our knowledge isn’t worth much. Based on a guess from reading your prior comments, I’d say you could make quite a bit of money if you package the information right.

    And Oshun, you have a good heart. Don’t change that about yourself. You know when to stop trying and that is what counts. I could do to be more forgiving. There are some people I cannot even give the time of day to. And yes, I would kick them when they are down. 😉

    Good luck!!!

  3. MsMellody
    February 11th, 2013 @ 12:29 AM

    Waving excitedly at Betty!!!
    So glad to hear that you are safe and sound on the beautiful East coast!!

    And waiving the car keys at Oshun!! while at the same time saying “Jesus take the wheel!!!” LOL

    I hear you I hear you girl!! I can just about hear that radio program..the usual gas-lighters talking a good game..all the while it’s just a method of trolling and as you well put it “looking to recruit new members in the booty call corps”…and like clockwork uninformed bw’s lining up to sign up!!!

    Thank God for the real enlightenment that I and others have found at the bwe/common sense writers!

    Have not been a frequent reader of a lot of the “other/imposter” blogs but I was done done and done when the new tv host who shall remain nameless got his tv show after allegedly stealing that book idea from that black female writer who got her idea stolen and this same said book was made into a movie..just too much!!

    And yes, it is completely understandable that you would give a little info to your aunt. I can understand but continue to set and stand by your limits.

    Now, let’s continue to let Jesus take the wheel!!

    GoldenAh: Thank you, MsMellody. I don’t mind the snow, as long as it starts coming down on a Friday night and is mostly gone by Sunday morning. It was perfect this time around.

    I have to admit I miss a lot of the stuff floating around black media now-a-days…. Seems the messaging hasn’t changed at all.

  4. Faith
    February 11th, 2013 @ 4:55 AM

    The extreme weather conditions will only continue, so I hope people will begin preparing to ride out storms or be able to evacuate.

    Re: BWE messaging. One of the easiest ways of avoiding confusion is to stop paying attention to what most black people say and remove yourself.

    BWE was never intended to be a cause for the masses, but the divestment strategies are clear for individual black women to implement. Any confusion usually stems from remaining in the toxic Blackistan environments and following business as usual.

    Understanding that adopting the language used from our numerous conversations was never meant to replace the interpersonal work required in changing mindsets and making different choices. From my observation most BW don’t want to cut the cord, which is how fake-BWE and BWE-lite compromises occur. Direct opposition is minimal compared to those who simply prefer to settle or go along to get along.

    Making permanent changes is a timely process but it’s also not meant to be an extended effort unless someone is new to hearing about BWE and and hasn’t yet seen the transformation that has taken place.

    Patriarchy also influences. Know that people are going to do what benefits them and most BM and BW are invested in uplifting BM interests without any reciprocity to the detriment of BW.

    So that guy who called in was going to say what would work for him at other women’s expense and should have been expected. Which is why you don’t waste your time expecting something different from users/abusers.

    GoldenAh: Exactly.

  5. Faith
    February 11th, 2013 @ 5:02 PM

    On another note, thanks for visiting the blog and it got me thinking a few more thoughts about the fake Scandal criticism which is really about fear of white men and black women relationships.

    I just watched an episode of Arrow on CW. It’s the most watched show on the network. I wonder why there hasn’t been any commentary about the BM/WW IRR relationship between the lead female character or any accusations about Magic Negroes with the chauffeur-mentor-in-disguise of the black guy who’s guiding the WM hero of the series. Oh wait…it’s not about a black WOMAN so nobody cares!

    GoldenAh: I wish I could visit more blogs like in the old days, but I barely have time for anything. I put the link about Scandal in the Black Actress Media discussion. And I’ll add it here too.

    I think that’s why I don’t like seeing anything with Morgan Freeman or others like him anymore, because of that magic negro aspect. It’s annoying and it breaks whatever enjoyment I could have in a film / TV show. Just lame.

    It’s so rare to see black women and non-black men (heck, with any man) together that it stands out. And the TV shows / movies here are so gun shy about it. I feel it should be shown so often that it becomes common place, just like how every British program has a charcoal brotha with an ivory-skinned woman. And the Brits aren’t afraid of using homely people either.

    I feel like a lot of the backlash about BW / WM & other men is this notion that the only men we are good enough for are the lowest rank black men around, and we should be eternally grateful if they even consider us. Hence, the attitude that a bw with a PHd and serious bank is obligated to take a homeless black guy off the street, bring him home, clean him up and nurture him like a baby, because that is more than enough for us. If we desire anything more in a male, we’re getting above ourselves. Hilarious.

    Gotta check out that twitter debate you mentioned….

  6. Faith
    February 12th, 2013 @ 10:30 PM

    Some other links I’ve posted

    Tony Goldwyn interview with Tavis Smiley (IGNORE Miss Tavis and her haterade). What made me perk up was Tony discussing how he’s love to do IRR stories (since he’s a director and Hollywood royalty) I think this would be a wonderful time to PITCH him. He’s CLEARLY loving his role as Olivia’s love interest on Scandal so there’s an ALLY presenting himself.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=B1X6I408hDY

    And the Lifetime movie Twist of Faith (should this go in the Black Actress section?) with Toni Braxton starring as a divorced mother who meets a white man recovering from the loss of his wife and kids. I haven’t watched it because I don’t have a tv right now, but the network posted a clip of a romantic scene between the two characters.

    http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/twist-of-faith/video/nina-and-jacob-kiss-after-an-incident-at-the-church

    GoldenAh: Tony G. knows to picks good material in which to act, direct and produce. I would expect quality if he was a part of a project that included a BW / WM relationship. I’d certainly support it, because I know it wouldn’t be the insulting garbage that usually gets tossed at us. I hope someone does send him – is it done via pitching? – good, quality material.

    It’s fascinating how Toni Braxton expressed interest in WM or maybe working with them and there we have a project on Lifetime just for her. That relates back to how if a star is big enough, she pretty much could ask for the type of theme she wants for a program and get it. This especially applies to those black male actors pretending they cannot have a black woman as his co-star. These people who love to erase black women from even “black movies” are liars about why they do it. Bruce Willis was a good friend of Michael Clarke Duncan (back when he was a newbie), and used to ask the director / producers to include the big guy in his movie(s) – basically create a role for the man. Maybe it didn’t happen all the time, but having that kind of star power to get you started is incredible.

    Like we all say, it’s about reciprocity.

  7. JaliliMaster
    February 13th, 2013 @ 8:48 AM

    With all these fake-BWE and BWE-lite imposters, I do not for one second believe that these are people who are confused about the BWE message. Many of them are either against BWE, or might support/desire some of its objectives, but are unwilling (or feel unable) to do what it takes/make the changes required to achieve it. So they either intentionally twist the message or pretend to be confused about what we are saying. I have spent many a long hours foolishly arguing with these fools, thinking that I was helping them to see the light and stop misunderstanding BWE. Since I realised what their deal is, I just don’t bother anymore. If they want to stay in Blackistan, by all means. It’s their life. I only get involved to ensure that anyone that is new to BWE gets to hear the real BWE message. I spent so many hours trawling through the ORIGINAL BWE sites (like Khadijas MB & SP and Evia’s), looking for the articles that really spoke to the core BWE tenets, and I just post these links in the comments section of blogs/forums where I see bw engaging in typical foolishness and I tire of trying to give them some sense.

    I just watched an episode of Arrow on CW. It’s the most watched show on the network. I wonder why there hasn’t been any commentary about the BM/WW IRR relationship between the lead female character or any accusations about Magic Negroes with the chauffeur-mentor-in-disguise of the black guy who’s guiding the WM hero of the series. Oh wait…it’s not about a black WOMAN so nobody cares!

    Also, notice the “bw” characters on the show. One was the mixed-race actress that played a journalist at the newspaper (she was just basically the ‘best friend/sidekick role to the main ww character), and the chauffeurs sister-in-law/hinted at love interest. I don’t even know if this character is supposed to be a bw, for all I know, she may be Latino or Native American, or some other mixture. Yet, I notice that there have been a higher than normal number of bm, visibly bm, in the series. So in an intentional casting, they have decided to leave bw out, and have bm represent all their ‘black characters’. I enjoy the show, very much in fact. However, when I heard that the show had gotten cancelled (cannot confirm that by the way), I did chuckle a bit. It means that even though it’s done well, it hasn’t pulled in viewers to the degree that they expected, especially given that it already had a built-in comic book fanbase.

    Tony Goldwyn interview with Tavis Smiley (IGNORE Miss Tavis and her haterade). What made me perk up was Tony discussing how he’s love to do IRR stories (since he’s a director and Hollywood royalty) I think this would be a wonderful time to PITCH him. He’s CLEARLY loving his role as Olivia’s love interest on Scandal so there’s an ALLY presenting himself.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=B1X6I408hDY

    Tavis was a moron. He actually said: “……so you gonna leave your white wife for a sista…….”

    GoldenAh: Tavis is ignant. He’s blown up = literary as big as a double-wide. And I find his question about “Can black women or people or color run this?” Is so annoying. Maybe Tony G. is not as hung up on race as Tavis is. Why would he even think about it? I don’t see how he could even imagine what’s it like to be a woman, and that’s okay. Plus, with Tavis black equals male. I cannot stand that “people of color” phase. Tony G. pays Shonda Rhimes some wonderful compliments, which are true. He sounds like he has a great amount of respect for Shonda Rhimes and Kerry Washington.

    And I hear you on the is-she-black? what-is-she? women characters cast on shows. I don’t like trying to guess whether someone who sorta resembles a black women is or who might not be. Whereas, like you say, there’s never any ambiguity with black male characters. I really don’t like that. I have nothing against these women, but I don’t see that happening with the men, only black women. I don’t like that replacement agenda.

  8. Faith
    February 13th, 2013 @ 3:27 PM

    I know the BWE imposters/diluters/antagonists are well aware of what they’re doing, I was referring to the readers who claim confusion from not doing enough to make the transformation they claim to seek or seem to have difficulty telling the difference between a diamond and a lump of coal.

    I will be brief since this is not my forum.

    See, it’s the same rock but one has gone through the necessary changes to get to its end result.

    Talking the talk but not doing anything will have you going in circles. It’s why every time I write something about black women being a certain kind of way I get a spike in blog hits, lots of shared links but anything seriously related to just being “normal” – not a “black woman striving” does not get the same pavlovian response.

    Which is why if you go to my blog and search the archives you’ll notice the same conversations said 250,000 different ways, but many of those same women are regular participants at the BWE-poser spaces and guest blog even after the lies and anti-BW agendas were exposed.

    It’s what they want.

    They want to be part of the crowd, not separate themselves. Even if it’s on a sinking ship, but they don’t see it that way. BWE was a new and exciting internet battle for sport for many black women, not about making necessary back-end offline life changes.

    MANY changes have taken place, but many refuse to cross the finish line. There have been and are still a lot of silent observers evaluating those responses.

    BWE was like Occupy in the sense of acknowledging a certain status quo that doesn’t work. Just like many of the Occupy bunch had been fine as long as their nest was feathered, so it is with many black women. Let them get their fake BWE at the expense of benefiting others. Others want moldy crumbs and head pats to be “special” an non-threatening.

    Black women collectively control ONE TRILLION DOLLARS in this country but it all gets pissed out at the end of the day and into other people’s pockets. We’ll just keep peeling layers and try to reach young girls, but the current crop of nascent life-changers have already chosen Deathstyles by Blackistan so that they might belong.

    Arrow hasn’t been canceled. It’s a big hit for the network. Again, I skimmed through a few episodes to get a feel for the series.

    Here’s the thing about patriarchy – it works for the benefit of black males. Even when they cry racism. Black women are virtually invisible in film and tv shows unless it’s a stereotype.

    “Ethnic” roles are going to foreign black actresses (bi-racial or not) or to Asian actresses (east and south) to fill “diversity” quotas. And Latina actresses get their own category.

    Castings do have impact, but what about the blanket support given by African American women who flock to the cheaply produced ratchet reality shows and movies like Red Tails that intentionally erase them or those who flocked to see Django Unchained.

    We are contributing to our own demise.

  9. Nysee
    February 14th, 2013 @ 4:38 PM

    Dear Betty, Glad to know your are safe in this horrible blizzard. Black women please do not consider these BM have your back in any way. People were rallying behind the cop in California.
    Really? Here is man who murdered 4 people.I know Blacks may have issues with law enforcement,but BW, they are only protection when it comes to BM. Black folks were so bent on the racist cops that a man no longerso has his daughter with him. So how are showing people that we can handle things in the right way. I have done most of nmy check ups and everything is fine . Also, looking into side husltle next on the agensa. Law enforcement are the only ones protecting us BW. Khadija did a post on this because she is a very insightful person and seen the handwriting a long time. BW get your family out of Blackistan now know if s ands or buts. It is becoming dangerous and we see how the thinking is of Black folk who would rather protect a criminal than have compassionf ro the INNOCENT VICTIMS
    keepup mthe good work Betty until next time

    GoldenAh: Hello Nysee, and thank you! Compared to other storms, this one was perfectly mild.

    Glad to hear that you are in good health, and that next on your agenda is the side hustle. I, too, have to get cracking. Spring is around the corner!!!

    Law enforcement is not perfect, but I will never forget how Mayor Giuliani turned one of the most dangerous cities in the USA into one of the safest. I mean they made movies about how bad it was like, Escape from NY. The name of this movie escapes me, but there was one about this gang / crew riding the train from a rumble in the Bronx trying to get back to Brooklyn! They were running from other gangs! Oh, and trains used to be all covered in graffiti… I could go on, but wont. Now, people take it for granted, which is good. It should be like that.

    Stay safe and healthy, in great spirits, and good luck in achieving your next goals, Nysee. Pleasure to hear from you.

  10. Oshun
    February 14th, 2013 @ 7:39 PM

    Just a heads up…

    SARS has mutated and there is now a superbug strain out. So all of you in Europe take care. There have been 5 deaths out of 11 people infected in the UK and 1 death in Japan. They think its transmitted from person to person.

    TB- there are now cases of TB that are resistant to any kind of treatment. This strain originated in South Africa.

    And finally there was a report out that now 1 in 3 people, about 110 million, or a third of the U.S. population, is infected with a sexually transmitted disease.

    Be safe and take precautions.



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