What Kind of Black Woman Are You?

17 Responses to “What Kind of Black Woman Are You?”

1. Erica
   March 5th, 2013 @ 4:31 AM

   Just Wright is a fantasy and not in any way based in reality. Morgan is portrayed as a goldigger. While Leslie is portrayed as the down to earth nice girl who gets her man in the end. That would never happen in real life. Men go for a combination of both types of women. They want a feminine woman that is not materialistic.

   Who also has her own career or life aspirations that don’t involve being financially dependant on a man – Except in the black community. Black men only date women who they consider to be attractive and who like to dress up and look nice for him. They are not checking for the women who walk around in jeans and a basketball jersey all the time –

   Unless they’re into the hardcore athletic women who are tomboys that predominately dress in jeans or sweats most of the time. That is a fantasy. You should want to look nice for yourself and for your partner. The film was completely unrealistic. Most black men – especially the rich black athletes are sexing the feminine groupies.

   And when they decide to marry – usually choose the feminine girl who is not a groupie. And in the black community. If the woman is working minimum wage jobs. And she’s seeking a successful man – she’s labeled a goldigger. But if the woman has a successful career. And is only seeking other successful men. She is labeled bougie.

   When black women strive to want the good life. They are always called goldigger. That is why black women are being encouraged to expand their options to global quality men. Because the relationships in the black community are not normal or healthy.

2. Truth P.
   March 5th, 2013 @ 10:43 AM

   I resent that people think that black women should have to work hard for every little thing.Black women have had to work hard for things that they shouldn’t have.

   I resent that if a black woman can’t say that she worked hard and suffered for xyz people will try to bring her down and make her upset about her easier life or things that have been handed to her.My mother never worked.My daddy always made more money than my mom.My mom sat at home and really did eat Bon Bons and watched soap operas throughout the day while we were at school.My daddy didn’t seem to mind.Quite a few women in the community(majority single unwed mothers),including family members,hated on my mom and talked crap about her so hard, all the while trying to seduce my father which is sad.It made them even more mad because THEY never thought my mother was beautiful enough,she didn’t look like Morgan (and was fat) so to them she wasn’t good enough, to land a man with a REGULAR job and have such an easy life compared to theirs.

   My mom saw my grandmother work hard,being dog tired,getting blistered feet from working 12-16 hour shifts on a regular basis for 47 years, and took care of her children ALONE. Even though she was a MARRIED “good Christian girl” who had sex her first time with her husband,then had kids,went to college became a nurse and kept an immaculately clean house.My mom did not want her mother’s life.

   I feel my black foremothers worked hard enough and did enough independently to last the rest of us a lifetime.I wouldn’t mind if every black woman on the planet hit the lottery for millions back to back and all married millionaires,billionaires,and hundred thousandaires with excellent credit(Even the black women that hate on other black women that come up or are looking for one). I’m happy to see other black women come up.And when they do I steer clear of their husbands and respect their relationships.I support their business ventures,I continue to support their businesses, by making purchases and telling people good things about their goods and services,even if I got a defective product or bad service once because I have continued to support Kroger’s CVS etc. after similar circumstances.

   I would also like to say I got a house,a used car in good condition,money for school, clothes etc and a job as an ADULT all because of my family.These things were GIVEN to me.I did NOT work or pay for it out of my own pocket.I hope that some black woman isn’t out there hating on me because some people in my family didn’t think that I should have to work for every small thing.

   When I go out on dates I fully expect that the man will pay for dinner and I NEVER go dutch.Never will.It would be against my best interest to ONLY concern myself with how much a man is making.Character matters a lot to me.But with me, it’s character and cash.Bottom line.

   GoldenAh: Truth P. I’m gotta high five you on this one!

   I don’t think I was treated like a total Princess – okay, maybe a semi-spoiled brat. Yet, I’ve met women I cannot say anything to about my background, or current standard of living, because I don’t want to deal with their issues. I mentioned some of these fruitcakes on a few posts back about my weight loss. And I’m talking offline, out in the real world, here. I get you when you talk about this resentment.

   See, when our parents love us enough to give us something(s), which was like a dowry back in the old days, there’s nothing but hate for black women. That mindset has to be turned around. I respect hardworking people who “struggle”, life has all kinds of stresses, but that isn’t romance, and it doesn’t make a black person more “authentic” than one who has parents or partners who provide for them.

   Like you Truth P., I’d like to see black women prosperous and loaded with money – it makes for content, happy people. Having stuff and money is not a bad or evil thing. And if the family has provided for you – to give you a leg up – that’s even better. This is what they are supposed to do. I suspect that there’s a mindset that black girls can be tossed out into the streets like stray cats who can start from scratch, but Momma is gonna worry about how her baby boy(s) will survive and let him live in her basement (forever).

   Awesome comments, Truth P.

3. Faith
   March 5th, 2013 @ 10:37 PM

   I saw this bit of slick indoctrination for the 1st and last time 2 months ago at someone’s house. When the promo tour for the movie began Common had that vile remix about getting BJs from groupies in public bathrooms out. I’m going to list points of why this movie is POISON for BW in no particular order:

   1. Morgan would’ve “won” because she was lighter-skinned. The end. The denial of her appeal also stemming from color racism was completely whitewashed. If Morgan had been browner…forget it.

   2. This movie was written by and co-produced by black males. With an agenda at lulling some of you into a false sense of security. Con job tactics 201.

   3. Swap out Queen for Zoe Saldana (or Kravitz). Would you buy the story?

   4. On what planet does a female world-class Physical therapist train elite athletes who’s overweight?

   5. Why was “Mr. Wright” [yes, it's that manipulative] considered a catch? A fatherless male, star athlete with no scandals, OOW kids, piano-playing, fairly intelligent, no drugs/orgies other bad habits was the biggest bs I ever saw. Who wanted to get married, but has no abandonment issues?

   6. Using Clair Huxtable as his mommy to add a false sense of weight to the male lead. Yes, I know Phlyicia Rashad is an actress…but it’s the first thing I thought when I saw her.

   7. Good girl syndrome vs playing to win. Mammy/Mule repackaging. Having a loving daddy was a red herring as well(to imply she had it together/made good decisions).

   8. The last scene REALLY annoyed me, because they didn’t bother with the ‘payoff’ – which should have been a wedding. But it was all about settling. Just because the two women talked about a marriage that was supposed to be good enough.

   9. Morgan would have needed to dress a little more provocatively. And get a boob job.

   10. I know Queen Latifah was trying to appease her demographic, but her choosing to stay large and dress mannishly and her rumored real-life preferences comes across as HER, not the character.

   11. Plus, she was dowdy in the movie. Look
   at the promo interviews at her hair, makeup and clothes esp. She looks 1000% more polished. Everything about her character was designed to be less than and doing too much.
   The whole movie was a fantasy.

   GoldenAh: Or you visit a friend and they may have a Tyler Perry movie at the ready. And you must see it. Torture! LOL.

   1. You know, I didn’t notice that. I saw them all as a similar shade of high brown. Hmm. Now, that I think of it, when was the last time a very prominent black male athlete married a black woman darker than himself? I mean, making a very big fuss over it, the way these negroes do with their pale skinned women? Michael Jordan finally gave into his white woman inclination and married one. I remember that national felon league jackass who murdered his GF then went and shot himself in front of his coach and teammates. She had a very light complexion.

   2. Black males wrote the script? Oh, that explains a lot. That’s why there are no scenes of Morgan being courted: they don’t have a clue, and any scenes of her receiving proper treatment would show how much of the short end of the stick Leslie received. But we get the message, Leslie was supposed to be happy with “nothing, but love”. And his “love” was nothing, wasn’t it?

   I’m so fed up with this kind of black male bamboozling directed at black women via music, movies and pulp fiction: “I have no money (he really doesn’t want to work), so you need to feed me and take care of me. If you are a good looking black woman looking for a provider (something all normal women used to look do) you are a gold digger. If you are hard working black woman you should be content with a man who doesn’t want to give you anything, even expecting something is an excessive demand.” These negroes will certainly get their act together for non-black women. Yet, they have no trouble pushing this con game at black women, and some of us lap it up like cats for cream. No sirree, it’s not a good thing to be the one doing everything.

   3. Nope. Not with those two actresses. Scott would be a white quarterback, baseball or hockey player, and he’d have to come correct from day one. Plus, they wouldn’t dare act the way Leslie did. Hmm, I wouldn’t mind seeing that movie. I always thought the movie, “Sabrina” (the remake or a similar topic), would have been more interesting with a black woman. I’d see it if it can be done by a person who writes a good script, showing love and respect for black women.

   4. Backing away from this one…

   5. I thought Scott / Common was too old to begin with, unless they were all pretending to be in their early-to-mid 20s. That’s why I wasn’t mad at Morgan for dropping him like a hotcake when he was injured. He had no other skills besides being a balla. She didn’t want to be stuck with a guy who had no plan “B”. Scott was a total purple unicorn: dude doesn’t exist.

   7. Perfect observation: Good girl syndrome vs playing to win. Mammy/Mule repackaging. Right, ’cause being a daddy’s girl, he certainly would highly approve of her sexing, mothering and nursing a client through an injury like that.

   8. That bothered me too. So, even the black male writers couldn’t take the fronting that far. We’re supposed to just “dream about it.”

   10. I heard the same about, “Set it Off”. I admit I didn’t believe it back then. I don’t have a good radar when it comes to women like that, no matter how they dress or behave.

   That’s what makes media reviews so engrossing, there’s a lot to learn, thanks Faith.

4. mercedes
   March 6th, 2013 @ 3:25 AM

   Hi goldenah,I hope that life is treating you well.what kind of black
   Woman am I you ask? A work-in-progress..lol.

   That “just wright” movie sounds like all levels of wrong.won’t be wasting my money on that one.

   GoldenAh: Hello Mercedes! There’ll always be problems, all 99 of them, yes? But that makes life fascinating. Had a water tank hiss at me this weekend, turns out it had been leaking for weeks. You can imagine how I managed. I’m not too calm when it comes to this kind of thing. I prefer to deal with electronics, gadgets and computers than a household problem. Oh, well. It’s all good now, I’m down to 98 problems. LOL.

   Just Wright was interesting to watch, ’cause I like Queen Latifah. I saw it on a lark (DVD from the library) out of curiosity, wondering what kind of film it was. It’s about 2 plus years old now. And inevitably when it comes to black women, there’s always some kind of twitsted messaging in a movie. The fun part is evaluating it long after we’re done with the suspension of disbelief or reality.

   Take care, Mercedes. Thanks for stopping by.

5. Christa
   March 6th, 2013 @ 5:17 AM

   Faith – ‘Morgan would have needed to dress a little more provocatively. And get a boob job.’

   10. ‘I know Queen Latifah was trying to appease her demographic, but her choosing to stay large and dress mannishly and her rumored real-life preferences comes across as HER, not the character.’

   THIS! Thank you for pointing that out Faith! I thought I was the only one that noticed that!

   Between Morgan and Leslie – there is no any man – specifically a black athlete is going to be checking for the girl in the grungy tshirt/jeans. That was all kinds of wrong and in no way based in reality! Black men and black women are the first ones to check a black woman if she does not step out of the house with a decent outfit on or hair done.

   But we’re supposed to believe common’s character chose the grungy overweight woman over the thin femininely dressed woman. They need to take that ish somewhere else. That’s a new twist the black community is selling to black women. Black women probably spend the most on hair and clothes than any other women on the planet.

   Because the black community values superficial and materialistic things over everything else.
   That’s why its so refreshing to be in an environment now as a black woman. Where you can still look nice and dress feminine or casual. But also focus on your own life and goals.

6. Oshun
   March 8th, 2013 @ 1:42 AM

   I don’t remember if I saw this movie or not. It has been so long.

   I can’t really speak fully on the dynamics of dress for BW and what is appealing to BM (for a whole lot of reasons), but what I have observed about black people in my town is:

   1. the grungy athletic/urban look is in for all black folks of all ages. With lots of colorful labels (which I despise). If you are a younger BG then you may have a hipster twist with it, but that’s it.

   I went to pay a bill one day recently and I was amazed at the level of urban wear I saw particularly on older Black folks. I could see someone younger (teenagers) playing, but then growing out of it.

   Every once in a while I would see a BW and only a BW only who looked put together and was not wearing urban athletic gear.

   2. Feminine and attractive dress is defined differently by the bulk of black people it seems. I can agree that black women can be pressured to look a certain way and will spend to achieve that, but from what I have observed about black folks at least in this city is that feminine = sexual to overtly sexual/slightly tacky (with labels).

   Its a really narrow definition/image (specific brands, specific trends)that is encouraged etc

   GoldenAh: Unfortunately, wearing genuinely feminine clothing in a mostly black area seems to be viewed as an invitation to harassment. Extreme hair styles might be the only safe area they can devote to making themselves “attractive” without incurring the hateful attention of nutjobs.

7. Oshun
   March 8th, 2013 @ 1:43 AM

   sorry for the typos…

8. Oshun
   March 8th, 2013 @ 5:48 PM

   @ Goldie

   In reflecting on your original post…

   “Leslie is to be applauded for being a “worker”, but that doesn’t entitle her to a wealthy, handsome, tall man as a reward for “good behavior.” It doesn’t work in real life either.

   What Men Are Really Like

   Most normal, well functioning guys aren’t going to be dating your wallet, house, car, degrees or status. A good number will resent hearing anything about your “stuff” even if he has more than what you have.”

   This is complicated with layers.

   I think BW being workers stems from black male abandonment. I heard often in my family from men who were married- uncles etc…that they did not want their daughters to depend on a man. Well, bc I guess they could see that the result was not pretty with the generation of men coming behind them.

   Also people do things that bring them rewards/acknowledgment. Being useful (even if being exploited) is one of the ways that BW obtain any kind of praise. You can get praise for being smart or accomplishing something..doing for others (ymmv) but usually not for anything else.

   Women who rattle off accomplishments etc I think are attempting to create leverage in a dating situation. I think they think they are sending the message: you are not needed and therefore you can’t treat me any kind of way- if you do I can walk.

   Additionally, BM are warped in the sense that they say they don’t care about, but somehow always mysteriously seem to choose only college educated/professional “workers”. They expect for women to be high achievers who bring strong financial acumen to the table.

   So I could see how a BW who has dealt with this black mindset would be indoctrinated to see these things as desirable. I am not sure that maybe she would see this as entitling her to the great guy per se, but I could see how her psyche could be shaped to think that this is to her benefit. And this would possibly carry over into her dating IR.

   “For all we know, Morgan has stuff, but she has the good sense to let herself be the prize Scott has to attain……he sees someone who interests him, raises his curiosity, likely sexually arouses him and makes him want to PURSUE her.”

   This is the rub. BW dating/marrying IR – this will work. BW dealing with only BM this will not work and its obvious this type of courtship behavior is beaten out of BW.

   “While it was a fun movie, I was uncomfortable with what it was teaching black women. We have enough stories (from real life) where the women do it all for the men and end up heart and wallet broken, because they continue to see Morgan as a negative and Leslie as a positive.”

   Yes, another leg of the anti BW thriving stool.

   GoldenAh: Great points!! Thank you so much for including that distinction about black men and how in turn that affects black women, Oshun. That’s why I liked Stacey’s comment. You’ve added an important black male / female social aspect to what she’s talking about. It’s not a bad thing to be fiscally independent and hardworking, but as you say it warps a bit how we end up viewing ourselves, “It’s okay to use me (as a black woman),” because it’s one of the few areas where we receive any praise.

9. JQAbroad
   March 9th, 2013 @ 7:10 PM

   I enjoyed this post. I truly believe women can be both Lesile and Morgan. Morgan reminded me a lot of Sandra from 227. She used her feminity to attract men, not how hard of a worker she is. Everyone is a hardworker, men need to see what you offer as woman, that other women don’t have, that’s what caught Scott’s attention to Morgan. Morgan treated herself as unattainable and unavailable. Morgan is a Rules girl.

   I’ve learned a lot from Morgan, Sandra, and Lesile and I use it to my advantage.

   GoldenAh: Thank you for stopping by and adding this comment, JQAbroad. And great points you’ve made as well.

10. MsMellody
    March 10th, 2013 @ 7:23 PM

    Betty!!

    Please remove my last comment. Wrong photo!!

    GoldenAh: Okay.

11. BB Fortune
    March 11th, 2013 @ 10:06 AM

    I wish there was a like button on your page to hit OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. EXCELLENT post. I am so tired of women like Morgan being demonized. I do not care for the Leslies being typcast as Mammie, but lets be real here as you broke it down, men want Morgan with a little less selfishness. In real life he would have sopped up all Leslies care and attention then went back to Morgan or another woman like Morgan.

    You said “Leslie is to be applauded for being a “worker”, but that doesn’t entitle her to a wealthy, handsome, tall man as a reward for “good behavior.” It doesn’t work in real life either.” So true! there are those RARE and I do mean RARE moments when the Leslie does get the guy in the end but that is not the case 99.9999999% of the time and we know it that is why though I enjoyed the movie to be entertained, I knew it was not reasonable or realistic.

    I could go on , but you said it so well I will just re-read it a couple of times and scream YES at the resounding truth! Great Job!!

    GoldenAh: Thank you for the compliment, BB Fortune. My family is made up of mostly men, so I’ve watched who they are attracted to (and have married). They are just regular guys, but if I had to make up a type they gravitate towards (regardless of complexion, cause I can’t think of any that are color struck) it would be mainly Morgan with a moderate dash of Leslie (in having her own stuff).

    And that’s just how it is.

12. BB Fortune
    March 11th, 2013 @ 10:29 AM

    @JQAbroad>>>>> “Morgan is a RULES girl”. That’s right! excellent point!

13. BWMM
    March 14th, 2013 @ 5:45 AM

    Do these folks not see that she basically guilted him into a relationship at the end? It was more like he pitied than loved her. Maybe that’s just me.

    GoldenAh: You could be right. Initially, he may start off as Mr Dudley Do Wright, but at some point later (after the guilt has worn off) he will start to drift away. And as BBFortune says, he’ll likely end up back with Morgan or some other girl.

    Thanks for chiming in, BWMM!

14. Eva
    March 19th, 2013 @ 3:06 PM

    Most rom-com’s are fantasy. They tell women things that just aren’t true in life. The fact is that if men didn’t marry and date the Morgans of the world, the human race wouldn’t exist.

    There was a time when clean skin and hair was a sign of good health, in that aspect Morgan would be considered more desirable than Leslie. Many rom-coms today tell women that it doesn’t matter what they look like, a hot guy will fall for them because of what’s inside. Where it’s true that what’s inside does matter, (after all that’s what will KEEP the guy with you after the looks have faded and they always fade), what’s outside does matter as well.

    Think about it, Cinderella didn’t attract the attention of the prince until she’d gone to the ball, dressed to the nines. When the prince saw who Cinderella really was, it didn’t matter to him, because he already was attracted to her, he’d seen her in all her finery.

    GoldenAh: And let’s not forget, Cinderella was already royalty, she was being treated badly by her step-mother, because her father was deceased. She was already a class act. Notice nobody had to teach her how to act like a lady?

15. ak
    March 21st, 2013 @ 7:07 PM

    Good point about Cinderella’s situation Eva!

    I even a couple of months ago when I went to my salon, the owner of the salon who is a nice and very warm lady played the stupid DVD from Tyler Perry with Kathy Bates and Alfre Woodard again for the 3rd or 4th time since she played that.

    Yes it’s her salon and I’m not entitled to anything in it or about it, but when I heard her and some of the other clients/patrons in the salon having no problem with Sanaa Lathan’s character getting hit, I finally said how I feel about Perry’s ‘work’ and how he portarys BW who are educated, doing well and who are not living like a modern day Kizzy in ‘Roots’.

    A lso said that I heard (which is true) that he’s closeted and on the DL which I’ve heard once from a long time ago and I’m not homophobic, I’m anti-hypocrisy.

    And if he wants to be closeted, just don’t use your confusion and hypocrisy to beat successful BW to a pulp with just because they’re not Thelma on Good Times with 1,000x struggles! LOL

    GoldenAh: See, if someone needs to write a screenplay where Sanaa gets hit…. I’m through. And this came after “Something New”, right? Like she needed to redeem herself to Blakistan. I haven’t heard about her in anything since.

    So, that lady had the DVD on strict rotation, huh? It is gospel. There are teachings to be learned. It must be shown to everybody. TP’s just telling the troof. SMH.

16. Nysee
    March 22nd, 2013 @ 6:44 PM

    I did not see the movie but I was going to comment on Tyler Perry new movie Temptations.
    Again pain porn and more crap. I like to see movies to laugh or learn something or both. I like Oshun said how Black men are warped in their thinking. I find it funny how the BM talks about the ole evil WM, but it seems that most of the movies that are made are funded by WM or signed to a studio run by a WM. Black women are doing their own thing and funding and producing movies that uplifting and we can take away something positive without bad mouthing anyone.

    GoldenAh: I am tempted to see a couple of Tyler Perry classics (LOL), and do an analysis on what’s wrong with them. But I wonder if I can handle the torture? Wouldn’t that be like waterboarding myself? The only movie I could tolerate, which needed massive plot and dialogue re-writes, is “I Can Do Bad All” with Taraji P. Henson, Adam Rodriguez. I like them both; I cannot recall if there ever was a sweet, handsome Latino guy with a black woman in starring roles.

    TP likes to vilify career oriented hardworking black women. Does he realize he wouldn’t be able to eat, wear clothes or live well without them?

17. Nysee
    March 22nd, 2013 @ 6:48 PM

    I like the fact that more Black women are controlling the images that are being put out there. We are nipping things in the bud so to speak beforehand and now a little. When you can comfortable call a 9 year girls a demeaning name, there was a two fold situation. One hand outrage another crickets.
    But little by little things are starting to improve and we are now doing something about and not just sitting on the sidelines.
    Keep up the good work Betty.

    GoldenAh: I was going to say something about that child being called that name, but I realized I could end up melting the website…. I have to let that go…. Maybe later, much later, I’ll talk about something close to that subject.

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