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Black Women: When All Else Fails In Heterosexual Relationships, Become A

Posted on | March 25, 2013 | 8 Comments

Did I get your attention?

I’m warning those of you who are very tender and sensitive to be aware that the next few paragraphs will be no-holds barred, non-politically correct, coming from my perspective and experiences (off-line). So, this isn’t something I gleaned from reading anyone’s comments, blogs, Facebook profiles, or having a third eye and happen to be talking about anyone’s intimate life or relationships from the psychic front.

In other words, don’t take what I say personally – if it happens to sound like you – well, that’s a weird coincidence, but I’m not going to apologize for you taking offense. And I’ll remind people who love to be offended for the sake of being offended: gnash your teeth, but keep it moving if you don’t like what I write, or run off on your little hooves to set up your own blog.

I’ve noticed that the words homosexual and lesbian tends to set off the easily offended brigades. Like just the mere mention of these words are breaking some kind of human rights accord. Being pro-homosexual or pro-lesbian doesn’t make anyone more moral, more just, or saintly than anyone else. I understand that they are the latest victim cause célèbre. I’ve rarely written about the topic, not out of intimidation, but because I had nothing to say about it.

Okay, so, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…. Let’s begin.

Yay. They Are Here to Stay. So?

I think ever since the AIDS epidemic, homosexuals have jumped into the mainstream media and they haven’t gone away since. The topic is ever more present today, since the Supreme Court will make some kind of ruling where they are likely to turn 5000 plus years of normalcy on its head, redefine marriage, because everybody needs special entitlements, otherwise life isn’t fair, and declare it some kind of ultra awesome Civil Rights / Human Rights win. That, of course, will yield yet another round of endless bizarre social battles for those suffering from ennui, in their eternal drive to fight endlessly about nothing.

Because a culture that has all that it needs, is bound to chase after all its wanton, selfish, hedonistic short-term needs to the detriment of everything else.

So, let’s say that it does happen, eventually this, or a future, Supreme Court discovers invisible text in the US Constitution allowing them to redefine marriage. Well, they’ve made up stuff before. They are supreme at pulling illogical decisions out of their asses. This will mean a government body has ruled that they are the sole authority, above nature, society, morality, religion, science and common sense as to what constitutes a natural family structure. At that point, I’d recommend the government get out of the marriage and family structure redefining business altogether.

Anything Goes: Then It Is All Gone

‘Cause isn’t the eventual goal to allow ANY two consenting adults to get hitched – bar none? They are “in love” after all. This whole thing is about hurt feelings: mean people not letting homosexuals and lesbians redefine the natural and normal family structure. In instituting the redefinition of marriage, they get to benefit from legally binding contracts in one fell swoop, reap all those sweeeeet, sweeeet government entitlements and somehow magically change the fact it is a sexual minority and not the norm.

Then you must ask yourself, why not other alternative relationships be allowed to marry too? Why not two non-procreative siblings? Why even draw the line at two people? I await the first fillings from a bi-sexual woman suing to marry a man and a woman, because she loves them both equally. And what right does the government have to limit her love to one person?

See where this goes?

What’s so interesting about the whole thing is that the same people who demanded that the government stay out of their bedrooms, uteruses, rectums and other bodily orifices are inviting the feds back in to redefine, regulate, register and recognize the whole kit and kaboodle.

Wonders never cease.

The Heterosexual Tribe: It’s Not Going Anywhere Either. See How This Game Works?

I am deliberately using the words norm, normal and natural. Being heterosexual is the norm. It is what most people are, despite what the mainstream media wants you to believe. That’s just the way things are. All of us who were conceived naturally wouldn’t be here if your father wasn’t interested in your mother and vice verse. If people want to believe 25%-45% of the population has sex, or really really wants to have sex, with the same gender – more power to them. The way it gets promoted, I wouldn’t be surprised when the day comes that the mainstream media reports this in their latest poll: like it’s a goal that young people need to strive towards.

Now, I’m not for demonizing anyone’s inherent sex drives. That’s the way people are. I do, however, find myself annoyed with the 24/7 endless promotion of it. There are a lot of shows where if there is a whiff of preachy, “They are so awesome, don’t we all wish we were them?” When that happens, I’m out. I’m gone. There are shows that have ‘em and treat ‘em like it’s no big deal. I can watch that.

When I feel like I’m getting a religious indoctrination message from the 24/7 alternative lifestyle crowd, I’m not coming back to the program. But it has gotten so bad I wish there was a TV code just like there is with violence.

Yeah, I went there, because sometimes I have my fill of sexual content on TV too.

Crotch Watching Amigas

During my early years when I was a frequent passenger on public transit, me and my girlfriends would take a keen interest in guessing male organ size based on the bulges presented before us.

Nothing makes a trip so fascinating as to wonder: is it a sock or is he really that big?

The Wishful Thinkers Club

Growing up, I didn’t know EXACTLY what a lesbian or homosexual was. I never had much exposure to the term or what it entailed.

My guess is that in this day and age, 4 year olds get to hear about it day and day out before they even learn to read. This probably explains why only 20% of high school graduates are functionally literate. Progress.

I didn’t receive full disclosure about this stuff, until I attended college and was exposed to what I’d now call the “black lesbian recruitment drive”.

And you go, Say what?

I was mostly oblivious to what was going on, but what I didn’t know was that the school was well-known (among the very street wise, which I was not) for having a large body of homosexuals and lesbians.

I had other issues with the school – it being overpriced was one of them, it was in a really bad location, the fake snobs (from the hood and suburbs) were annoying, but if I had a choice to attend the school again, I would never darken any of their doorways. I didn’t feel it was worth the price tag or hassle.

So, what was the recruitment drive like?

You’re hanging out with your girls, and one of them cannot keep her hands to herself. You gently remove the hands, and you think nothing of it.

You’re talking about guys, and one of them constantly and coyly talks about that there’s something about her that doesn’t work with her male dates. You shrug, figuring she hasn’t met Mr. Right or maybe school and work interferes with the relationships.

You’re looking for school clubs to join. Boldly, she says, “Hey, maybe you want to try that one.” She’s pointing at the, “Gladly having Lettuce Tomato and Bacon” table.

I figure she’s joking, “Naw, I don’t have anything in common with them.”

And she says, “Try it. You might like it.” I’m confused at this point, “Try what? I don’t see the point. It’s not my thing.” She drops it.

Eventually, you drift apart as friends, because not only are you too busy to hang out anymore, she’s joined the “Arts Club” where she claims, “I’m meeting a lot of people like myself.” I say, “That’s great. It suits you, because you’re really friendly and outgoing, right?” She looks at me real hard and says dryly, “Yeah, something like that.”

My Last Bit of Conjecture

Over the years, I’ve a met a few more black women like my college friend. There is a difference between those who obviously know what they are, and I find them refreshing because they leave me alone, and those who spend all their time playing stupid “wishful thinking games”. Maybe they are unable to be honest with themselves. I was once introduced to someone, because since I was too “picky”, that must mean I had to be into women.

I’m still slow when I meet black women who like to hint, hint, hint as to what they are. Frankly, I’m not thinking about it. It’s not what concerns me. If you’re interested in other women, that’s okay. But don’t play that game with me, that if I’m not telling you my personal business or intimate relationships that makes me a recruitment target.

I’ve heard my share of nonsense from black women who rationalize what makes one a lesbian, and if you look at this list, that’d be all of us.
- if she’s an ambitious hard-working career woman.
- if she wears her hair natural.
- if she’s overweight.
- if she doesn’t go to the job telling everybody about her personal intimate business.
- if she’s only into black guys, if that doesn’t work out OTHER black women are an option. Hey, maybe she just needs to be introduced to another chick like herself.
- if she has a high IQ (I kid you not).
- if she tries it she might like it, and so on.

And in situations where I meet someone from the “wishful thinking club”, coming at me with the above checklist, then I am the one who’s offended. ‘Cause I look at it this way, if I was one, I wouldn’t hide it. So, they in essence, are pretending that I’m hiding in some closet with them.

The gist I’ve gotten over the years – and this is from other black women – since I am a black woman who knows her own mind, somehow I must be able, ready and willing to move onto black women if it doesn’t work out with black men.

It nevers occurs to these people, that if a woman likes MEN, she’s gonna take them in all colors, not switch genders just to keep it within the same RACE.

I am a member of the heterosexual tribe. Always have been, always will be.

~~~

Last stop

And if anyone is going to post a comment, please stay on topic. Anything off-topic might be removed.

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8 Responses to “Black Women: When All Else Fails In Heterosexual Relationships, Become A”

  1. Faith
    March 25th, 2013 @ 10:53 PM

    Ok so you just want to open a simultaneous can of worms and whoop-a** all at once?!

    It’s interesting because perspective is everything. And exposure changes it.

    I like to categorize the LGBTIQ Movement under certaim parameters. As a straight BW who lived in the supposed Gay mecca San Francisco for more than a decade, I can attest to noticing how certain priorities shifted based on who I was surrounded by or how sensitive I felt to other people’s issues.

    But I’m not socially conservative and as a performer in my youth it was rather inevitable to be in proximity to gays. Even though I grew up in a religious tradition that doesn’t support homosexuality, I was always indifferent about getting riled up about it. My mother wouldn’t let me see Culture Club perform because of Boy George. I used to confuse the British bands during the New Romantics era with gay men – even though some of them were gay because of the makeup.

    Even my terminology in saying a church is non-affirming indicates the dominance of LGBT influence. The question of privilege and accountability can’t be ignored, but compassion doesn’t go out the door.

    The interesting journey has been seeing the intertribal prejudices (closest comparison would be intra-ethnic conflicts amongst Latinos I guess) come to light and realizing transgender folks got their agenda hijacked by the larger gay population’s promotion of Marriage Equality.

    Yet, some don’t view it redefining but necessary evolution because gay men already had their hedonistic era and almost died out from AIDS. And because of the man/woman breeder necessity some non-straights want to replicate stability and nesting.

    Now, I don’t agree with everything the organizations do and as they’re all run by white men and are white identified and thanks to BWE I know to ask for and expect reciprocity. I cut off automatic payments and continual focus on others a while ago and it still scares and angers blacks of any gender, orientation and outsiders alike.

    I have gay and lesbians relatives as well, so my experiences are probably not the average BWs. I used to volunteer for ACT UP! in the 90′s. I’ve been approached by women – some lesbian, some not but wanting to experiment. It’s part of human sexuality.

    The Kinsey scale has variations to accommodate people who are mostly straight as well as totally gay. The Queer Mafia as I like to call those with a political agenda, doesn’t always play fair or remains inclusive. Yet GLAAD came through once when I called out some hypocrisy on the blog 3 yrs ago.

    If you were marginalized and smart about it, wouldn’t you do the same over-compensating and flawed tactics they do to get ahead? Obviously not every LGBT has the same experience but the fundraising, agendas and focus is on point. BW could learn a thing or two.

    GoldenAh: AIDS isn’t going to change the behavior of anyone. It was not the first disease of its type, nor will it be the last. There were no lessons learned: folks who had it simply died. Now, there’s a lethal strain of sexually-transmitted meningitis making the rounds; seems it was a problem going back half a dozen years. NY Times article: City Health Officials Warn Some Men on Lethal Strain of Meningitis. As usual there are males, unwilling to admit they are homosexual, who enjoy selfishly passing it along to women.

    I think the first person that I can recall who really took care of sick people with AIDS was a black guy here in NYC. I could probably Google him. I remember hearing about him years ago. I respect him. He dealt with the issue of the disease head-on.

    I can understand and respect the roles of activism, when requesting research funding for a deadly disease. However, if people wont accept that their sexual decisions (promiscuity along with not using protection) are part of the problem…. {{shrug}} Sometimes old religious texts were written to warn people about the habits of human nature, the good, the bad and the ugly. Disapproval didn’t stem solely from supposed ignorance or hatred. People noted certain behaviors caused havoc and wanted folks to control themselves. I’m sure they forbade eating pork, because back then it killed a lot of people. Saying God wanted it that way made sure the stupid and hardheaded among them took heed.

    I honestly don’t know what homosexual and lesbian leaders want for the people they believe they represent. I really don’t know what their agendas are. Don’t care either. I do know I’d like to be able to simply hear the weather without the 24/7 non-stop focus on them. I am thankful for one thing, the media has driven me back to reading books. :D

    The areas I do think they are good at, aside from the money, is language manipulation and media control.

    Where black women are concerned, I think the issue is much more complicated. Black women don’t even know what they want for themselves. A good number have slid into (more) desperate poverty over the last decade. I think they’re treading water, trying to keep it out of their nostrils. Also, unless you can say what our (limited) agenda would be in a couple of words or sentences, the point is loss.

    Next step, you’d need to have dedicated masses of crazy, strongly driven black women, and allies, who’d devote themselves 24/7 to hammering this easy-to-say message. They would have to be able to say it in a phrase-worthy manner day-in and day-out, everywhere from K to 12 in all schools, in the black media, literally everywhere – all the time. The messaging must be strong as to avoid having it high-jacked by others, because it is so exclusive to us no one could steal, beg or borrow it away.

    We would know its success when we’ve altered the language and nomenclature with regards to us. We’re not even in the same universe with this approach. Nowhere near. I think we’re about as far out as Voyager in our solar system.

    Since a lot of black women are black male identified, they will always set their focus on, “Well, the brothas need us to look after them first, to feed them, buy ‘em stuff, tongue bathe their egos, blah blah blah”. So, how we gonna advocate on behalf of people who don’t even know what they want for themselves?

    I think we’ll have our successes, but it’ll be one individual at a time.

    Thanks for giving me something to think about, Faith. I always appreciate that. :D

  2. trish
    March 26th, 2013 @ 1:02 AM

    It could be blamed on the black community’s myopia when it comes to the relationship choices of black women. Of course, this never happens when it comes to black males. An unmarried successful black male is either living the “playa” life or waiting for the right non-black woman. We don’t consider him to be gay unless he shows obvious gay tendencies. The black community is not a healthy functioning community. I believe other black women empowered writers urged black girls to stay out of “black” colleges and black women to broaden their social circles to include like-minded others regardless of race. If this occurs, black women would not be automatically expected to be gay if they’re not interested in black males, intelligent, overweight, wear natural hair, or opposes the usual “black think.”

    GoldenAh: I mean if someone isn’t interested in a certain person, and has expressed that on more than one occasion, that should be the end of it. But black folks think that sexual harassment in perpetuity is quite alright. ‘Cause as black women our bodies and ourselves are public property of the “black community”. This is an obvious lack of respect, and similar to what you say – a clear sign of dysfunctional thinking and behavior.

    Yes, I definitely encourage black women to continue to “broaden their horizons”. One can never assume, ’cause at times it may seem like some black women (men) in corporate America appear to have their heads screwed on right, but it ends just about when they start expounding on their “theories” about people. And I’ve never heard that speculative kind of garbage or was ever approached with that mindset from non-blacks.

    Thanks for your thoughts on this, Trish.

  3. kia
    March 26th, 2013 @ 2:55 PM

    I think the gays and lesbians are fighting for their rights just like every other race on the planet has done throughout history. And right now they just happen to be doing a good job with making their rights known by the mainstream media and society. But like with any cause. When a race of people are fighting for their rights. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Sometimes with the media and other supporters obnoxiously reporting every detail. And there are people who are not against them fighting for their rights, but don’t want to be bombarded with that persons’ social causes everywhere they go by the media. But that doesn’t mean one doesn’t have the right to fight for their equality or have their needs publicly known. Black women fought and are still fighting for their rights too.

    It sounds like you think that gays and lesbians having the right to marry will open the doors for all types of a variety of other marriages. Which I don’t know or care if that would actually happen. But I personally think anyone has the right to marry anyone else, as long as its not adults marrying kids. I also think no matter how big or small the gay/lesbian community is, they should still be allowed to marry each other if they choose to.

    And yes, in school there are appropriate times to talk kids about sex and gays/lesbians. I’m not sure exactly what age that would be considered appropriate – that particular debate should between the parents and the schools.

    It also seems like you were harassed by lesbians in college. A person of any gender sexually harassing someone is rude period. But if you went to a college that had a large lesbian population. Perhaps finding other straight women to hang with off campus would have been a better bet – although I know you have already graduated, and that you were speaking of incidents that happened in the past, so that is a moot point.

    I do agree with you on the stereotypes for black women. If she’s single she must be a lesbian. Especially if she’s a little overweight or if she has a natural. I am not overweight, but am trying to drop a few pounds. And I’m not in a serious relationship right now, though I am dating. And I also cut my own hair about two years ago. And when my mother saw my new hairstyle. She thought I resembled a butch lesbian.

    And begin ranting how I wouldn’t be able to get a man or a job, and that strangers would question my sexuality because of what she considered to be a butch lesbian hairstyle. I find it offensive that black women can’t do certain things in life without being accused of being a lesbian, or accused of resembling one. Or of acting white.

    FYI – My Natural Hairstyle
    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m92nnrvyhz1qiqauyo1_500.jpg

  4. kia
    March 26th, 2013 @ 3:28 PM

    Betty – ‘It never occurs to these (black)people, that if a woman likes MEN, she’s gonna take them in all colors, not switch genders just to keep it within the same RACE.’ This!!!!!!

    The black community is twisted and dead. The only thing it cares about is not snitching on blacks who are ruining their own community, and keeping other black women at the bottom of society. As a straight black woman, I find it offensive – When other blacks say Black women should try dating other women if they can’t find a good black man – I see this more coming from dbr black men, with dbr black women co signing anything these dbr black men say.

    The funny thing about this is that for some of the black women that are actually lesbians. If black men find her attractive – he will immediately sexually harass her and question her as to why she would not be attracted to men! Saying she’s too pretty to be a lesbian – she has to be straight. And in some cases black women being hurt or killed by black men who were sexually harassing them or their girlfriends!

    And the other end of the spectrum – butch black lesbians that resemble men are threatened by other black men with how they can’t compete or take the place of real men!

    And another bizarre side effect that lesbians have to face is men of all races wanting to join them in the bedroom, because some men have the fantasy of sexing multiple women at once when they see two attractive women together who are lesbians – All this info coming from one of my lesbian friends.

    Even when they suggest black women go against their own sexual desire and go gay – the ones who are actually gay are still sexually harassed by other black men who want them, or threatened by other black men who see them as competition with other women.

    First they tell single black women to ignore their own sexual desires and go gay. But when they encounter actual lesbians, they immediately sexually harass them! The hypocrisy! So these dbr blacks can’t even keep their lies straight. But that’s a post for another day. Has this ever happened to any women here that has any lesbian friends?

    FAITH – ‘If you were marginalized and smart about it, wouldn’t you use the same tactics they do to get ahead? The fundraising, agendas and focus is on point. Black women could learn a thing or two.’ THIS!!!! (Paraphrased Faith’s comment to make a point).

    Black women have now become a separate minority from black men. Because most black men endanger black women by abusing them, playing mind games in relationships with them, or not protecting or providing for them.

    Black women can take a page from the lesbian handbook and the ratchet black men’s club the naacp, by forming their own communities worldwide where they discuss issues pertaining only to straight black women. Where they discuss life issues. And how they can form stable relationships, friendships, and families with global quality men and other people around the world.

  5. Dreadnaught
    March 27th, 2013 @ 2:24 PM

    I dunno, I simply do not care one way or the other on anyone elses sex life but my own ( well maybe that girl in the gym I go to but thats it)

    I think however you are bombarded with a 24/7 message, to make it cool to be gay or lesbian or whatever. I have had people repeatedly tell me I should try being with a guy..im not into dudes at all. I just get tired of the browbeating. Ok back to the hookah and cold cold beer.

    GoldenAh: Oh, yeah, I hear you. There are governments overseas stealing money from people’s bank accounts and over here the media is 24/7 on one subject. We might, just might, be facing a true world wide Great Depression and there’s only one focus coming from this government and certain groups of people. Very disturbing.

    I can imagine how bad it must be for men getting hassled like that… now, you know how women feel. :D

  6. Truth P.
    March 31st, 2013 @ 12:06 AM

    The media definitely does have some sort of gay agenda.I do feel that I am preached to and indoctrinated when I watch tv into believing that most people are gay or a little gay.Apparently gay people have been feeling that they simply don’t exist for years due to the media which messed up.I as a black woman who is unmixed definitely sympathize.

    The funny thing is before the media obsession with all things gay I never had any issues at all with anything gay.I saw gay people living peacefully and just doing their thing and being happy.I had no problem with anything and have been happy to see lgbtq people represented in the media.

    But then things started to occur that really made me feel some kind of way.

    1.I have no problem with people in the LGBTQ community self defining and choosing to label themselves.But I do not want them labeling me or other heterosexual people.I do not want to be called cisgendered.At one point I played along because I really felt bad that for years everyone kind of got to do and say things about gays and no one took up for them, and many of the times they were not given any public forum to speak up on their own behalf.I feel that was wrong but I do not appreciate the labels and renaming. I say people within the LGBTQ community pick their own labels and we pick ours.We are all still human but names and labels are powerful.

    2.I also have felt a level of outright disrespect coming from LGBTQ community directed towards heterosexual people.I dared not complain when LGBTQ people would vent because I figured they were hurting.LGBTQ people have taken a lot of sh*t off a lot of people for far too long but I feel just as it is wrong for a black person to single out EVERY white person as being the devil it is also wrong for some lgbtq people to do the same to heterosexual people who have never opposed their right to marry or have never tried to run their households.I do get a sense from some lgbtq people that all of us heterosexual people are the enemy.Especially if we don’t raise our children up to know that they too are gay.

    I also cringe from all the gay white men in the media who only adopt white boy children.
    I noticed that lesbian women of all races tend to adopt a mixed group. boys and girls black white and other it doesn’t matter.I have never seen gay white men adopt anything that was not a boy and most of the time white like them.Other people may have but I haven’t. It does make me pause and think about the WHY in that.People are free to do as they choose but I really am curious to this mindset among gay white men that they must all have little white sons.

    I also am concerned that there actually are black women “going gay” because a black man wouldn’t give them the time of day.I have head some black lesbian women speak candidly on this issue and apparently these women exist. I personally am disgusted by women like that and I feel pity for them.And not because I am disgusted by lesbians but because the level of outright usury that I have heard some black lesbian have had to endure due to falling in love with a woman who had been waiting for her black knight and sometimes her black baby daddy to come back and marry her.These women waist the time of well meaning black lesbian women until they can get what they really want and that’s f*cked up! Excuse my french but it just is. I absolutely know that people choose sex and relationships so yes I do believe that there are black women who are not lesbian in lesbian relationships simply because they couldn’t find or get a black man.I am saddened by their level of insecurity and their inability to think beyond black men and try relationships with non black men.

    GoldenAh: I don’t mind if it’s talked about once in a while (from a media saturation perspective). I started hearing a lot about lesbian and homosexuals from Greek history, and throughout Western history, but it wasn’t treated like they were the ones that made the world turn on its Axis. Sometimes I get the impression, like how there was a period when black historians were trying to make some major historical figures “black”, that some folks want a number of major historical figures homosexual or lesbian just to make a point. If history and biology were taught with honesty, it wouldn’t be necessary to make political correctness or strange ideologies a factor.

    I think people need to keep in mind that humans have been creating and destroying nations, empires or city-states, you-name-it, since 5,000 B.C. if not a smidgen of time beforehand. That’s a long time. Do we really think during those periods there weren’t high-points and low-points for those who weren’t heterosexual? Human beings are what they are. The pendulum will swing back and forth from eras of “progressiveness” (whatever that means) over to something much more conservative, blatant or basic in nature. It always happens, it always will.

    I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. The US government has done a fine job of destroying marriage in the black family, so I feel it has no credibility with this issue. It cannot pretend to want to do anything positive with marriage or family, since it has had no concern with the stability of the black family for the last 40 plus years.

    In order to prevent having a variety of unions, whether poly-amorous, polygamous, and whatever else folks can think of, eventually popping up before our Ayatollahs of the Supreme Court composed of Daft, Dimwitted Lizard People, our top Legislature needs to affect positive change. These cowardly idiot politicians in Congress should come up with a version of a uniform relationship contract, allowing those that want it to register with the states, without any limit on the number of folks who want in on those “special unions”. It would be like a corporation (with shares) for relationships, since the government cannot stay out of people’s personal lives at all in this day and age. And we’ve got a lot of nitwits who insist that the government be our keepers from cradle to grave.

    I believe if Congress allowed the creation of the “special union”, it should enable folks to share benefits, property, allow hospital visits, form special tax shelters and whatever…. It could make everybody happy and the word marriage wouldn’t have to be redefined to satisfy the extremely tiny, yet vocal, group(s) of people, whose lifestyles, mores and pursuits, frankly doesn’t mean a hill of beans in the overall scheme of things.

    As for these confused and dishonest black women, if she says she’s heterosexual, yet can perform cunnilingus on another woman – I would say she is not. At all. Not even a smidgen. Men and woman smell so different from one another. I cannot bear the smell of some women. Horrible thing to say, but my bloodhound nose is at fault. I used to have one woman at my job that wouldn’t leave me alone, she smelled downright putrid. Probably no else picked up the scent. She was a “wishful thinker” too. I couldn’t stand her near me. I couldn’t say why to anyone at the office, and she enjoyed spending a lot of time complaining to people that I avoided her. :)

    I wouldn’t say there is a direct correlation, as I haven’t met that many “wishful thinkers” or people who switch-hit teams. They always claim to be all about the “brothas”, yet never show any interest in non-black men (or even black men to be honest). Heck, they’re downright hostile if these men are mentioned. That’s usually the first clue for me. After that, I don’t believe, or really care, what kind of sexual identity they want to pretend to have. None of my business. I’d just like for them to stay away and out of mine as well. :D

    Thanks for giving me something to think about, Truth P. Always glad to read feedback from you. Take care.

  7. MB
    August 28th, 2013 @ 5:26 PM

    @Truth…sorry if it seems like I’m following your comments, but once again, I agree with you!

    You made several valid points. The whole “cisgender” thing is weird to me. I don’t quite understand all these labels the gay community has come up with to define others.

    And yes, you are on the money about that hostility from some gay folks toward heterosexuals. I get that many gay people have endured oppression and discrimination because of their sexuality. I am sympathetic to that. But I can’t stand the ones who treat non-hateful straight folks badly.

    Like there was a time I was in a beauty supply store and this gay dude walks up to me out of the blue. He seemed nice enough and I figured there was no harm in just talking. I told him I liked his shirt. So then he notices my wedding band and makes a snippy comment about me being “privileged”…then he walked away. I was like, WTF? It was one of the most bizarre encounters I’ve ever had.

    I was bewildered. It’s like, OK, I understand that gays are fighting for their rights to be married. I’m all for that. I recognize that this is one of the privileges I have. But for this guy to approach me, a complete stranger, and project bitterness because I am a heterosexual married woman? No.

  8. MB
    August 28th, 2013 @ 5:40 PM

    Hmm…another thing is that in the past, some people have assumed I was lesbian because of my clothes (back in the 90′s I wore mostly grunge/hiphop styles).

    This bothered me when I was young, but now I laugh about it. I’m very “femme” in my appearance and demeanor and I’ve always been attracted to men, although I will admit to “playing” with a few girls during a curious phase in my life. But I am married to a gorgeous manly man and I look back on that time as a period of experimentation. It really was just about genuine curiosity, nothing more.

    I would say that for many of the BW I know who are lesbians, they turned to it because they couldn’t seem to find love with men, so they found happiness with women. I won’t knock them for it and they have all been respectful of me as a straight woman.

    But Goldenah, I know the type you are talking about. I think women like that are truly afraid to “come out” and they hide in the closet, kind of like the down-low “brothas”. I had a friend like that many years ago and I never understood what she was afraid of. It was obvious to everyone that she was gay…her appearance, the way she carried herself, even her deep voice. Her family was very open-minded. But she couldn’t bring herself to tell them.

    No disrespect intended in my comment, BTW…just wanted to add my two cents.

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