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Decepticons: The Jason Collins Story and Wasting Years of Your Life Waiting on Him

Posted on | May 2, 2013 | 37 Comments

Long-winded title, but hoping you get the point.

Maybe you’ve heard about it. Maybe you’ve been blissfully unaware of the hullabaloo that’s dominated the mainstream media for a couple of days.

See, what happened is an NBA baller (snicker) earned his 15 minutes of fame by declaring that he is – wait for it – wait for it – “gay.” Such an interesting euphemism. However, this is the deal: Jason Collins realizes that he enjoys, prefers and wants to have SEX, MAKE LOVE and HAVE RELATIONSHIPS with other men.

And he truly believes we, meaning everybody on the planet, needed to know this. Whamp. Whamp. (Sound of sad trumpet blaring.)

After I stopped laughing over the last few days, my hands were steady enough to compose this post. Ay, yay yay.

baketball2

He Was Afraid of What Now?

Jason Collins is 7 feet tall. He’s a multimillionaire. He attended Stanford University. He knows the Clintons, Obama and other elites. That’s a big, powerful, well connected and wealthy closet he chose to climb out of.

So, I just wanna ask: How could anybody so ridiculously massive and intimidating claim to be fearful of being “gay” in this day and age? I mean, someone is gonna talk smack to a big black guy nearly 300 lbs in weight? LOL.

This is ridiculous.

Our Pretender-In-Chief, The Man Who Never Stops Campaigning

Obama felt the need to thrust himself into this particular spotlight by calling on this cloistered, privileged, bench-warming and obscure NBA player. He had to congratulate him on being a homosexual. That’s important. Really, really important. Glad to know what the President’s priorities are. ‘Cause it’s not like he’s able to work with Congress. It’s not like he can focus on the economy. He’s got better things to do. Like playing golf, shooting hoops, coming up with those all-important March-madness brackets, etc.

He shows us he can focus: Michelle once complained that she was a “single mother.” Totally understandable. He’s a busy man.

And at the press conference he needed to mention it again. There are homosexuals and lesbians playing professional sports. Who’da thunkit?

Maybe at the start of each game, as they introduce the players, announcers can add: “Welcome player number zero, OchinoDumbo. He’s a heterosexual from Baltimore, with 12 children from his 5 baby mommas. Yet, on long trips, he can be delightfully bi-curious.”

Waiting 8 Years on a DeceptiCon

The part of this story that I find interesting is who got the stiff (oh, wrong word), er, raw end of this deal. Seems that Jason had a white woman, whose name is Moos (I am not making this up), that he DATED for 8 YEARS. Even was engaged to be married to.

Now, ain’t this a blip?

This relationship didn’t end when he was a young man, maybe still confused, torn or excited. This dude was about 30, if not older, when he changed his mind. But he rode (oh, wrong word again), used this woman as his golden beard for 8 long years, while he thought, supposedly agonized, and mulled it over.

Meanwhile, she said on one of those interviews that she, “Had a script of how life was going to be”, or something to that extent.

What the Problem Is

It is NOT that he’s (finally) admitted he enjoys the sweet, sweet taste of sweaty scrotum. No, not at all. More people should be honest – they just don’t have to tell the whole world. No one really cares. The issue is that Jason Collins deceived a woman, used her youth, her fertility, her time and her mental “scripting” while he knew he was living a lie.

That is down low behavior, which is foul and the heart of how a DeceptiCon behaves. It ain’t right.

Now, people may sympathize with his conflicts, or situations, but it doesn’t mean he had to drag her into it. And for such a long time.

Ms Moos is partly at fault as well. You don’t hang onto a man for that long. I don’t care if you knew him from way back when, like in high school or college. At some point, you either cut bait or reel him in. I know, I know, she was waiting for the “pay off.” And the cynic in me feels that, she would have been satisfied being married to a man who occasionally played for the other team. Discretely, of course.

Well, that kind of arrangement is nothing new. She wouldn’t have mind, because she’d have the money, status and “stability.” Plus, a divorce or alimony would have been sufficient compensation for the “estrangement of affections.”

Black Women Get Reamed This Way Quite Often

My last bit of surprise is that this was a “well-educated good black man”, a.k.a. purple unicorn, pulling this kind of DeceptiCon on a white woman. Look, I won’t front, I honestly thought that when you see an IR couple, and it’s BM / WW, even if he’s gonna have his “issues” – he’s going to be genuinely attracted to her. You know, there’s that Mandingo, Snowbunny, Jungle Fever lust and “white women let me be a man” kind of thing going on.

This changes my perception, ’cause here we got a black guy who was being a DeceptiCon (on the down low) with a pretty blonde white woman for 8 years!!! This is the kind of thing that gets shrugged at if the woman is black. Does anyone really think the media would even be talking to a black ex-girlfriend about Jason Collins? Color me skeptical.

I noticed the media wasn’t sure how to handle Ms Moos: Was she a victim or will she play the sympathetic understanding woman? This involved competing angles: the 7 feet tall big black “gay” man vs a pretty blond ex-fiancee. I’d say Jason Collins got the slight edge. He won the homecoming queen crown of this event.

Shock and Oh Hell Naw

And what a gut punch that confession must have been for Ms Moos, which happened well before the media got full wind of it.

She wasted 8 years!!!! on a man who she now has to “replay those scripts in her head.” Those scripts where she thought he was a wonderful guy, because he NEVER cheated on her with those awful, skanky FEMALE basketball groupies. What a great and faithful guy she must have thought of her big black man. Now, she’s gotta be wondering about all those times he was out “balling” with his male friends. ‘Cause he spent so much time with his buddies, she never gave it a second thought.

I hope she’s gone through her battery of tests, being with a DeceptiCon can be deadly to a woman’s health.

Lessons for the Day

Doesn’t matter how much money he has, that pay day may never arrive.

If he’s hanging with his buddies too much, that niggling suspicious might be an accurate gut check.

A year, maybe even less, is really all you need to decide whether he’s marrying you or not. Anything longer and you are wasting your own time.

Shows that being in an IR doesn’t mean he cannot be a DeceptiCon. He might even feel more secure with his subterfuge.

And there is nothing HEROIC or COURAGEOUS about a man using a woman in such a cruel way to further his own means and ends. A man of any age can waste time, but a woman, unfortunately, cannot. Her time is of essence. It is her life and to use someone for that long a time shows a callousness that borders on being a sociopath.

So, it’s interesting to see that some black males, even when they get a hold of white women, are still a hot dysfunctional dishonest mess. He will be bringing all his baggage with him, that which he has always claimed belonged to black women.

How exhausting some of these men are.

And Congratulations to Mr Jason Collins!

You enjoy having sex with men. So do I. Welcome to the club. :D

 

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37 Responses to “Decepticons: The Jason Collins Story and Wasting Years of Your Life Waiting on Him”

  1. Likewaterforchocolat
    May 3rd, 2013 @ 12:36 PM

    When I first heard this story, I did wonder “who the hell is this guy?” I follow sports, but had never really heard of him (and I also would like to know that with his stats how the hell he stayed in the league for 12 years, but I digress). The way that he glossed over the fact that he dated women and was even engaged to a woman also led me to believe that it was brief and it occurred early in adulthood while was still confused and trying to figure things out. I also thought that maybe the engagement ended because he figured out he was gay and perhaps shared this info with his then-fiance. But when I saw Ms. Moos’ interview, it changed my perception of him drastically because she was honestly the last to know. He told just before the story came out and according her, never offered any apology or explanation. You could tell that she has had no real closure. I have no respect for him and do not regard him as any kind of hero.

    Her interview was hard to watch because you could hear the pain in her voice and tell that she is still reeling from this while he basks in newfound fame that he would otherwise never have received as an obscure basketball player. She kept saying things like “I will have a husband and a family” as if she was trying not only to assure not only the interviewer and audience, but more trying to convince herself. I don’t peg her as a “gold-digger” who wouldn’t otherwise be with this black man if it weren’t for money and position. You could tell that she thought this man was her soul mate. She was very repetitive in her responses and couldn’t really seem to keep her thoughts together. She has played in the WNBA and is 6’5″, so finding a mate will definitely be a challenge for her.

    Also, I honestly think that she is being shrugged off as well. Being a white woman is NOT enough for her, because she is up against a far greater machine: It’s called the gay agenda (see NJ Gov. McGreevey) . In her interview, she HAD to reiterate the fact that she was supportive of gays and supportive of his choice to come out. I’m pretty sure she didn’t feel like saying this, but probably had to lest she be considered a homophobe or insensitive to the gay community. It’s like “f%@k my life and the time I invested, let me not forgot to let the gays know I support them.”

    GoldenAh: In essence, her pain and suffering is worth far less than his “coming out”. That’s beyond sad. She’s been thrown by others, and herself, under the bus of political correctness. ‘Cause she cannot for one moment say, “Wait now. Hold on for just a sec! What about how I was treated?” Nope. She had to perform a lovely bit of verbal seppuku.

    We have just witnessed a shift in the “who’s important” hierarchy in the media. What happened? We have real equality for all men. Patriarchy has been reinforced without regard to race or sexual orientation. Men still rule. No surprise.

    A black (or mixed) female, Brittney Griner (and she can play), came out and mostly the response was crickets. Swoopes came out years ago. But these are women, black women, so it doesn’t have the same import among the people who control the direction of the news media.

  2. Zabeth
    May 3rd, 2013 @ 3:20 PM

    “So, it’s interesting to see that some black males, even when they get a hold of white women, are still a hot dysfunctional dishonest mess. He will be bringing all his baggage with him, that which he has always claimed belonged to black women.” <<< THIS! I think many non-black women are beginning to recognize this.

    GoldenAh: I bet, with real money on the table, someone in Ms Moos’s family or friends have been trying to tell her something was “off” about this guy, but she wouldn’t hear it. Or they were afraid to say something. They likely didn’t want to be accused of being racist, ’cause on paper, his background is impeccable.

    And, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had her jumping through hoops by dangling the wedding in front of her face (for years!!), then delaying it, before dumping her. All of which had nothing to do with his orientation. That kind of behavior was just an aspect of his character or lack thereof.

  3. Faith
    May 3rd, 2013 @ 9:37 PM

    Kanye and Kim
    Will and Jada

    and many more….

    GoldenAh: I see pictures of da KKK all over the media. Magazine covers with the word “humiliated” next to her bloated face. Multiple stories about her being “abandoned” by the other K. Oh well. {{Shrug}} Why do some of these women think that if the guy treats other women like poop, he wont do the same to them? I only pray that the KKK spawn is not a girl. A little black girl in that family? Ah, no.

  4. trish
    May 3rd, 2013 @ 10:58 PM

    “Also, I honestly think that she is being shrugged off as well. Being a white woman is NOT enough for her, because she is up against a far greater machine: It’s called the gay agenda (see NJ Gov. McGreevey) . In her interview, she HAD to reiterate the fact that she was supportive of gays and supportive of his choice to come out. I’m pretty sure she didn’t feel like saying this, but probably had to lest she be considered a homophobe or insensitive to the gay community. It’s like “f%@k my life and the time I invested, let me not forgot to let the gays know I support them.”

    Thank you for saying this. It’s all true.

    @Goldenah

    You have great insight. No one has the courage to say these things for fear of being called a homophobe.

    GoldenAh: When I first heard about this guy, my thoughts went to, “Is there a woman somewhere finding about this now?” I believe if he was white, he’d present a lover and say, “This is the guy I care about.”

    But when it’s a black guy… there’s sometimes more to the story. The situation never seems straightforward (pardon the pun, I cannot help myself sometimes).

    If he had a man, and hadn’t been playing with a woman (or women!) for years like that, I would have left well enough alone.

    Thanks, Trish.

  5. JaliliMaster
    May 3rd, 2013 @ 11:00 PM

    This is the first time I heard of the ex-fiance. It has been completely glossed over in the media. Frankly, I think he’s a jerk and a user. How is this any different from a guy who used a woman for so many years knowing full well that he had no intention of really being with her. This is not the 1960′s, we’ve had so many out gay celebrities that it no longer even warrants front page news anymore. I feel so sorry for the woman. She was used. She knows it. He knows it. Her family knows it. Heck, even the press knows it, but she has to pretend that he is some sort of victim AND hero, when he is so far from either of these things.

    This interview would have been in the works for weeks, yet he only told her after he had already done the magazine interview and it was about to get printed. This has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that his contract was up, and he wasn’t a good enough player to get signed by another team based on his talent, especially due to his age. He’s been in the NBA for about 12 years now, yet no one has ever heard of him till he decides to announce to the whole world that he enjoys ‘man-sex’.

    I find myself getting increasingly disgusted with what our society is becoming, where it is now the norm to share what is supposed to be private details/information with the public. Whether it is those who feel the need to broadcast what their sexual tastes/habits are, thinking we need to know if you have an ‘open marriage’ (see Will & Jada’s foolishness), or informing the general public about how many sexual partners you have had (see the usually male ‘celebs’ who boast about having slept with 3000/5000/10,000 etc prostitu……sorry women). Why is any of this considered information that any of us needed to know? Whatever happened to discretion. We complain that the Government should stay out of our bedrooms (they should), yet willingly invite ‘em in when it suits us. Not too long ago, gays ‘came out’ to their friends & families. Now, it seems that some are only willing to do it if you stick a camera in front of them and promise to give them the front page. I’m finding it all a bit pathetic. I was ready to just roll my eyes at the story and move on till ‘his anointed specialness’ decided to, once again, inject himself into a story that didn’t concern him. Call the guy and congratulate him on, I dunno, being gay. Fine. But to then inform the rest of us about the phone call?! Obama is a certified moron!

    On another note, I know of quite a few folks whose sole reason for staying in the closet was because they wanted to have biological kids, hence, the reason why in recent times, lesbians became far less likely to do this because they no longer needed a male partner for a baby (we now have sperm banks, one night stands, etc). Gay men, unfortunately, don’t have that luxury. Before anyone starts feeling sorry for these selfish people, just bear that in mind (I know more than a handful who admitted that they had always planned to ‘come out’ after having biological children to get it ‘out of the way’. When I ask them whether they ever took into consideration the feelings of their partner, seeing as they were deceived and used just for a baby-machine, most of them just shrugged their shoulders). That’s why to me this case is just so bad. He could have done what some other closeted men do and play at the whole ‘player’ routine, pretending to chase lots of women while doing whatever else he really wanted to do in private. I’m baffled as to why he chose to act in the way that was the most damaging to an innocent person. There are reasons he chose to stay in the closet. Fear of ‘homophobia’ was the least of them. This guy is just a user, plain & simple. It is a character flaw. Mark my words, any man that enters a relationship with Mr. Collins will be the next victim of his deceit, it’s just going to manifest itself in a different way!

    GoldenAh: I don’t even like to see people wet smooch kiss on TV shows and in movies. Last thing I want to hear is more detail about an entertainer’s private life. I can’t understand why people like Rhianna, Lady Gaga or whoever-else-her-face-is enjoy tweeting half-naked to naked pictures of themselves. At least Madonna had the sense to make a book out of it and sell it. When that book came out they wrapped up the cover, or was that Mapplethorpe? Both books were rather gross, so it could have been either one. :D

    The funny thing is how all these media organizations are losing vast amounts of money, and they don’t know why. I mean, a 10 year old could tell them why. But I guess when they have an agenda to push, profits be damned. I want to be able to get the news with a filter that allows me to exclude names, words and stories I don’t want to read about.

    I have heard about women doing the one night stand thing just to have a child. I feel sorry for the kids. I’ve yet to meet someone who didn’t want to know about their father, or his family, if he wasn’t around when they were growing up.

    We’ve got people killing healthy viable babies just as they are born, calling it “pro-choice” and “late term abortion”. On the other hand, we have people desperate to have children who cannot. We are living in some crazy times.

    If men want to know why women are scared of relationships, they can point to Mr Collins as a prime example.

  6. Socialite Dreams
    May 4th, 2013 @ 1:05 AM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzO1r3GDMHo lol, oh how this song fits

    GoldenAh: That is funny! I remember a song like that, but it sounded like a response to, “She’s Got Papers On Me.” I remember hits like, “Nothing going on but the rent” then someone would respond with a diss song like, “I’m not giving one red cent.”

    Loved those days. LOL.

  7. Nysee
    May 4th, 2013 @ 11:58 AM

    Don’t be surprised to hear of The Obamas getiting a divorce after their term in office.
    First Lady Michelle Obama has her limits. They say thoughts are words and anytime you have a spouse who is away for a long period of time, then you will not tell me we are human and she is a woman first and some one is meeting those needs. Like this friend of mine pointed out, notice how First Lady Michelle is showing more of her figure, not in a sleazy way but she is more faking smile because even the best of relationships needs to be nourished. Never heard of the guy and a lot of non-Black women are seeing the picture as well. I am not sayng this the case all the time but ususally when a White woman beaks up with a black man she will usually go to a white man or non-black man. That is why Black Women and White Men marriages tend to farewell. No, no one is perfect but I like in your previous posts how white men are better. Yes, we have DamagedBeyondRepair DBR everywhere, but most non-black men are usually checked by men and not by the women. They know that there is backlash for them stepping out of bounds by the men. I hope his ex gets a HIV test because
    diseases do not discriminate.
    Keep up the good work and keep us posted on the good things you have done.

    GoldenAh: As you say that, I’m wondering, but will the Secret Service be included in the divorce? As far as I know, the detail belongs to a President and his family. Would she be entitled if the family did break up? I kind of doubt she’d like missing out on any perks. It’s not like they’d have to live with each other after they leave the White House. When was the last time the Clintons were in the same vicinity? MO is just chilling and relaxing, because BO doesn’t have to run again.

    I think it’s easier for certain types of people to climb out of the closet: those that do so have a strong social network of support. Well, that kind-of applies to nearly everyone, with sufficient support a person can feel secure enough to do as they please.

  8. Zabeth
    May 4th, 2013 @ 6:45 PM

    KK has looked miserable this entire pregnancy. I haven’t once seen a picture of her smiling. Maybe she has been sick a lot, but knowing Mr. West (who was also abandoned by his father), black men, and their track record, I think a wool has been lifted. It’s also interesting to note that its primarily the WHITE media that has been checking West on his absence; so much so that they (i.e. Kris Jenner) had to release an inside scoop that he calls her daily and visits often…sure. Oh well. {Kanye Shrug}

    GoldenAh: So, her special magical **stuff** was supposed to make him behave, right? {{chuckling}}

    What’s that expression again? “A hard head makes for a soft behind.” People would accept that everything wrong in BM / BW relationships was the black woman’s fault. Black women made black males act up. Well, a snake will shed its skin, but it is still a snake. I guess other folks are learning that now. :D

  9. Faith
    May 5th, 2013 @ 12:26 PM

    Magic Johnson and Jermaine Stewart.

    I think KK has more money than ‘Ye and fell for a)her own hype and thinking black guys wanting to ^%$# her made her special (well it DID make her career) and b)falling for the ‘feminist’ trope of calling the shots/being ‘empowered’ c)she was still gloating over the 2nd hubby/show-mance thinking she’d keep getting over d)like attracts like

    When E. Lynn Harris first published ‘Invisible Life’ 20 years ago — pre-publishing deal — when he sold books out of his car trunk and the libraries ordered a few copies and nobody knew who he was, I took note of BASIL HENDERSON and started making lists. After my shock wore off!

    Basil never came out and remained a Decepticon to not only unsuspecting women, but to the men who wanted a real relationship as well. Regardless, this is where we have to draw the line because that other fool who went on Oprah and had a wife was just as full of it. This “down-low” terminology allowing those engaging in OPEN deceit to get a pass for being “oppressed”

    HMPH!

    I had a friend – white gay guy – whose FATHER was gay and it was known within his family but his parents were still married last I heard. He said the whole situation was &^$* and it also messed with his identity because his dad didn’t admit it until AFTER he came out as a teen. Plus, his dad wasn’t initially supportive.

    ….and this just reminded me that Jessica Simpson’s dad got caught with a young man and is now “out”. Oh…and Ashlee ended up divorcing because her ex decided he was bi and wanted to be with a guy.

    There’s a definite pattern here and the lack of admonishment for shattered lives to perpetuate lies all for the celebratory “out and proud” script NEEDS to be addressed. This isn’t the 70′s, 80′s OR 90′s.

    This is where agendas and allies part ways.

    GoldenAh: Yeah, when Magic said he was HIV positive, they went looking for the person who gave it to him, and couldn’t find a woman fast enough. It was odd, because statistically a man getting it from a woman was like – you could win the lottery first. I’m exaggerating, but the transmission of female to male is quite low. But everybody nodded they heads, “Yeah, of course some woman gave it to him.” Okay.

    The last guy KK married was nitwit number 2? Wow. Didn’t know that. You are so on point with your observations about her. That woman smells herself and believes the hype. That annoying smug smile. Cannot stand seeing her.

    I tried to read a Harris book back when it was hot, never got through half of it. I got his point though. I couldn’t believe there were men around playing games that deep. Read like a Mission Impossible movie. Cannot see why people waste so much time with living a double life. I’m exhausted after a day of work, where do people get the time for all that messing around?

    I can understand that there are men and women switching teams on occasion. As long as people are honest….’cause there are too many deadly diseases going around. I think gonorrhea is now moving up to incurable or resistant to antibiotics.

  10. Formavitae
    May 6th, 2013 @ 6:45 PM

    Right now, I’m all out of unreciprocated sympathy/empathy. I wish I didn’t feel that way, but I do. I’ve been tired and uninterested in the mental energy expenditure.

    CALL me, when they are concerned about a black woman’s plight and suffering of social injustice. PERSONALLY, I think these are lessons they NEED to learn. They’ve been gloating over feeling/being treated as though they are superior to black women for TOO LONG.

    If you WANT the man, you have to take his drama TOO.

    GoldenAh: So true! If you want the man, you gotta take the whole package!!

  11. Formavitae
    May 6th, 2013 @ 6:47 PM

    Regarding the KK/KW situation, I’ve been LMAO, FRANKLY.

    GoldenAh: I was listening to this talk show, I’m paraphrasing the host, but I liked what he said: “Why do I keep hearing about this woman I know nothing of, don’t want to know or care about? It’s an intrusion. This constant pushing of her in the news.” I was thinking, that’s it! That’s the word: intrusion. I need to check into the news to find out once in a while the world hasn’t come to an end, at least not yet. Can it be done without this 24/7 focus on celebritards?

    And yeah, I snicker at the KK/KW ridicament (yeah, I made that up). Who didn’t see that coming?

  12. Formavitae
    May 6th, 2013 @ 8:03 PM

    With this whole coming out story:

    Number one. I’m not really into it, because it doesn’t pertain to me. (I’m hetero.)

    Number two, I, like other commenters, cannot understand why people’s sexual habits/preferences need to be announced within the public sphere.

    Number three. I feel like thus is just another ploy for the black man to prove to the white man he belongs in his circle. I’m not referencing his orientation, but rather the fact that he’s presenting this revelation in a manner that is similar to the way whites have, but is contradictory to the way in which blacks usually address such sensitive matters.

    I was very surprised to see that his parents are to give a television interview, because, USUALLY, black parents would prefer such discussions to occur only amongst family or members of close circles. I’m not criticizing him or his parents for having a public discussion or trying to shame anyone into lies. But, it seems to me the black man does not establish ANY process that is uniquely his own. He’s always trying to be co-opted into the processes and framework of others.

    I’ve also noticed how many black men select white men for partners. They try to act like they pursue relations with others because black women are so challenging to deal with. But, REALLY, the black man just prefers white or anything that is not himself.

    OK. That’s more attention than I wanted to give this story. I’ve actually been skipping it in the media. It’s irrelevant to my life, and I really have no interest. I only responded to this because I enjoy your writing and agree with your observations.

    You made me laugh. :)

    GoldenAh: I’m glad I could make you laugh. I was rolling for a whole week before and after I wrote this post. It was one of the few things I found in the news I could chuckle over.

    Point number three: you hit on something I couldn’t quite express before. This whole affair has that air of, “Me too! Me too! Oh, oh let me in, I wanna be a member of the club. Don’t leave me out.” And I’m thinking, the black man gets included in everything white men do by default. Whether it is warranted or not. Why so worried about being left out (again)?

    You mention establishing a framework. Yes! OMG. The kind of things I chat with my Mom about too. I’m always asking her what’s wrong with people? Funny enough, I was tossing out some papers this weekend and I had notes where I was going to write (post) about the groups of people who THRIVE. It’s because their MEN build stuff. And I was like, I just cannot be bothered to mention it anymore. {{shrug}} It’s just spitting in the wind and calling it rain. :D

  13. Formavitae
    May 6th, 2013 @ 8:09 PM

    Oh, one more comment.

    I support coming out/being honest about one’s orientation, because WE ALL need/deserve the proper information to make responsible decisions in life.

    I just don’t know why one’s orientation needs to be front page news (except to save others from potential harm).

    GoldenAh: I wholeheartedly agree, Formavitae. Great comments!

  14. MrsGlam
    May 7th, 2013 @ 10:44 AM

    “Delightfully bi-curious” I spit out my water when I read this. Curse you, Betty LOL!

    Anyhoo, getting back to my actual comment: at one point in history, they would have been Cole and Linda Porter, but, with the gay agenda being pushed forcefully in the media, Collins was more comfortable coming out publicly. Okay, fine, he’s gay. Now, how exactly is he “heroic”? I won’t wait for an answer to that one, as I know that it isn’t coming LOL

    As far as his fiancee goes, 8 years is just foolishness. That is at least 7 years too long. I still sympathize with her, though: he was living a “straight” life, and this woman got blindsighted by his “announcement.” You were spot on with your analysis of how the media has treated her. Really, they can’t make her the victim, lest it be looked at as “gay-bashing.” Just a sad situation for her, all the way around.

    GoldenAh: Sorry. :) I would put a warning about having tissues nearby, but people might get the intentions wrong.

  15. Dreadnaught
    May 8th, 2013 @ 12:51 PM

    First – the NBA sucks – ok I got that out of the way.

    Second – Jason Collins is gay…who cares, other then the chick he wrecked noone cares or should care.

    Third – Why is this some kind of news ? I can name several atheletes in America who are gay either out of the closet or a open secret. ok ready Jim Hellwig ( The Ultimate Warrior) Jimmy Snuka, Chris Kluwe, Kwame Harris

    meh, America sucks anymore, everything has to be a news conferance, everyone wants to or needs to be special and hugged.

    lol sweet sweet sweaty scrotum made me laugh.

    GoldenAh: The NBA / NFL aren’t what they used to be. They’re both slowly dying of self-inflicted wounds. I was more of a football fan than basketball, especially collegiate sports. I don’t watch any of it anymore. Glad I could make you laugh, too. :D

  16. Formavitae
    May 8th, 2013 @ 1:53 PM

    @Dreadnaught

    The US DOES “suck”, these days. Popular culture, values, ideologies seem to center around the notion that all things are relative, being hedonist is a positive thing as long as you “aren’t hurting others”, prostitution (regardless of form) is empowerment, valuation of the biologically supported family unit is “oppressive “, and so on and so forth.

    I can respect differences if opinion. But, I can’t get with this notion of all things being relative and there being no absolute truth. I’m not a “New Age” thinker, and THAT’S FINE WITH ME.

  17. Keisha
    May 9th, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

    GoldenAh: That is funny! I remember a song like that, but it sounded like a response to, “She’s Got Papers On Me.” I remember hits like, “Nothing going on but the rent” then someone would respond with a diss song like, “I’m not giving one red cent.” Loved those days. LOL.

    Loved the song ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC – Miss them!Black women encouraging each other to only date men who are doing something with their lives, so they have something to offer women. Of course black men were offended and had to put out their own song ‘No Pigeons.’ Which is ironic, because many black women still date black guys that have nothing going on in their lives, and who have nothing to offer any women. But when black women develop standards and boundaries with men, they’re labeled goldigger!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Pigeons

    GoldenAh: I loved TLC too. They were like the last assertive black female group around. Today, I think all they play is too much begging (on her part) and bragging (on his part) for my nerves.

  18. Erin
    May 9th, 2013 @ 1:15 PM

    GoldenAh: Yeah, when Magic said he was HIV positive, they went looking for the person who gave it to him, and couldn’t find a woman fast enough. It was odd, because statistically a man getting it from a woman was like – you could win the lottery first. I’m exaggerating, but the transmission of female to male is quite low. But everybody nodded they heads, “Yeah, of course some woman gave it to him.” Okay.

    That makes no kind of sense! Even if Magic Johnson contracted aids from a woman. He would share equal blame too! You don’t just wake up with an std! It takes two to contract an std!He was the one having affairs or sexing multiple women! – I don’t remember if he was single or married at the time!

    GoldenAh: Oh, he was married. Still is. I look at professional athletes the same way I look at actors, politicians and reporters: none of them have any (sexual) self-control. They’re like infants fascinated with the stuff in their diapers.

  19. Roslyn Hardy Holcomb
    May 9th, 2013 @ 2:36 PM

    Magic was rumored tobe at leastbisexual long before he announced he had HIV. And I say that as his #1 fan who met him more than once. I wept like a child when he retired. He was the greatest there ever was, but yes it was more or less an open secret that he slept with men. I have no proof, as I only know women who slept with him, but I doubt he contracted HIV from a woman.

    GoldenAh: Nice smile. Congenial, pleasant and easygoing. He loved the sport of basketball and it showed. I respect him for that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say anything nasty about anyone. And I remember when he played against the Pistons, he’d kiss Isiah Thomas on the cheek. NTTAWWT. It was cute.

    Enjoyed hearing from you, Rosyln. Take care.

  20. Oshun
    May 12th, 2013 @ 2:37 PM

    @ Foramvitae

    “I’ve also noticed how many black men select white men for partners. They try to act like they pursue relations with others because black women are so challenging to deal with. But, REALLY, the black man just prefers white or anything that is not himself.”

    I had a somewhat recent experience with this. I invited a WM that I was considering dating over for a cookout. A gay BM (that I am now distancing myself from), whom I grew up with by the way, was also in attendance. Do you know that this dude had the nerve to look at me sideways? And then made a crack about “cream in my coffee” or something to that effect. Nevermind that this gay BM has never in his entire life EVER had a BM partner. ALL of the men he has been with have been WM. Whereas I have been the fool giving a brother a chance, then going on talking to Pedro and nem, and Abib and nem, and then I finally just started considering all men. His comment really took me back and made me look at him sideways. Like ok cool for you and not for me? Are you crazy? Funny he had nothing to say when I was being abused by BM both verbally and in other ways. He wasn’t taken aback when I was heartsick and lonely; and the times when I was questioning myself as a woman due to my experiences.

    “I’m not a “New Age” thinker, and THAT’S FINE WITH ME.”

    As a former New Age thinker of sorts I am in agreement with your assessment. I also think that your comment about the poor state of the U.S. is connected to New Age beliefs more than many realize. Referring more to the spiritual religious aspect, I am not against positive thinking etc, but I find it so ironic that The Secret and others are being pushed really hard just as everything is declining.

    GoldenAh: Could I start a new post asking what new age is? I honestly never gave it much thought.

  21. Oshun
    May 12th, 2013 @ 2:52 PM

    @Roslyn

    How are you? I hope you and the family are doing well. Good to see you!

  22. KimP
    May 12th, 2013 @ 8:15 PM

    I first heard of the girlfriend from the Chelsea Handler show, the posterchild of modern WW feminism. She joked how the girlfriend probably thought she was winning because she got a good black baller. Notice how fast Chelsea dropped 50 cent like yesterday’s trash (another rumored DL BM).

    This all made me think of something Evia said about a leopard never changing it’s spots no matter where itgoes.

  23. KimP
    May 12th, 2013 @ 8:26 PM

    I first heard of the girlfriend from the Chelsea Handler show, the posterchild of modern WW feminism. She joked how the girlfriend probably thought she was winning because she got a good black baller, but it’s all a lie. Notice how fast Chelsea dropped 50 cent like yesterday’s trash (another rumored DL BM).

    This all made me think of something Evia said about a leopard (BM) never changing it’s spots no matter where it goes. People are waking up and seeing that these leopards are abusing, using and abandoning non-bw like they have done BW forever, but it was BW who made it so difficult for them to do what is normal for most other men.

  24. Dreadnaught
    May 14th, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

    @Formavitae

    But there is no absolute truth. I have no idea why your jumping, nor really care to be honest.

    Everything in life is a shade of grey.

  25. Keisha
    May 14th, 2013 @ 9:26 PM

    KIM P – ‘This all made me think of something Evia said about a leopard (BM) never changing it’s spots no matter where it goes. People are waking up and seeing that these leopards are abusing, using and abandoning non-bw like they have done BW forever, BUT IT WAS BLACK WOMEN WHO MADE IT SO DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO DO WHAT IS NORMAL FOR MOST OTHER MEN.’

    Am I in the right place?

    Blaming black women for gay black men manipulating and hiding in relationships with straight black women?!?! If there are gay black men who are in relationships with straight black women because they’re afraid to come out. THAT IS BLACK MEN’S FAULT. NOT THE FAULT OF BLACK WOMEN. Gay black men are responsible for the way they choose to live their lives, and need to stop blaming black women for everything.

  26. JaliliMaster
    May 14th, 2013 @ 10:15 PM

    Keisha, this is not a gay BM issue. It is symptomatic of a general problem with the Black male collective. This typical victimhood mindset, sense of entitlement, lack of responsibiliity, hiding behind a woman’s skirt (starting with their mothers, other female relatives, then their Black female friends, then girlfriends/wives/sexual partners etc, and then the general black female collective). They don’t pull that bull with anybody else, be it other bm, wm, etc, or other non-bw.

    However, that is changing. As we can see, bm now deal with their non-black female partners with the same disregard as they did to bw. These women too are now acting surprised that when push came to shove, these men treat them with the same disrespect as they do to bw (that’s why many ww were oh so offended with Tiger Woods behaviour, even though so many other white male athletes have treated their partners worse. Instead of worshipping his wife, as they felt he should, it turns out that he treated all these ww like trash. He didn’t see any difference between his wife, the hostesses/waitresses he had an affair with, or the prostitutes/call girls he slept with. That’s why they took it so personally).

    Bear in mind that this damaged behaviour that is oh so common in bm, also affects other races of men. The difference is that: 1) these type of idiots are in a minority of varying sizes in other groups but amongst bm, they are the majority, 2) the sensible men (i.e. the real men) police the other males in their group but bm don’t! That’s one of the reasons why AA’s as a collective have remained at the bottom while others that arrived in America after have progressed. You cannot build a successful community on the backs, sweat and blood of women, it is just never going to work. BM, for tha most part have proven themselves incapable of building anything. Bw have to forge their own path and try and build a support network for themselves.

    Finally, my point basically is that we shouldn’t be mistaken in seeing this as a ‘gay black man’ thing. An individual gay bm is just as capable of being a true ally as any other individual. The problem is with the collective itself. We shouldn’t assume that just because someone is a ‘friend’, that when the time comes, we will be shielded from their damaged thinking (as we saw with Oshun’s story about her ‘friend’).

  27. Keisha
    May 15th, 2013 @ 2:42 AM

    Disclaimer: I don’t have a problem with gays or lesbians. I was specifically speaking of the gay people who are ashamed or afraid to come out. And who manipulate straight people into fake relationships. Wasting years of their lives with the unsuspecting person – who is sometimes in denial but doesn’t want to acknowledge that their partner is gay. That is evil.

    And I see this more of being a problem with gay black men, than I do with other races of gay men, and even some straight black women are falsely pursuing lesbian relationships because they’re so dissatisfied with their negative treatment from black men – until they jump back to black men the moment he gives them a crumb of attention.

    And if many black women weren’t so thirsty for black men only. And focused more on the entire world of quality men, they would be a lot happier.

  28. Oshun
    May 15th, 2013 @ 3:40 PM

    Hi Goldie!

    “Could I start a new post asking what new age is? I honestly never gave it much thought.”

    Sure go ahead! For me it was more of a “spiritual” practice.

    And I apologize for misspelling Formavitae’s name.

  29. Formavitae
    May 15th, 2013 @ 5:05 PM

    @Dreadnaught

    This is where we disagree and are ALLOWED to.

    Things that are “true” or “false” cannot SIMULTANEOUSLY be both “true” AND “false”. Therefore, there are some things that ARE “absolute”.

    But, we all have our own perspectives.

  30. FoxyCleopatra
    May 17th, 2013 @ 5:42 AM

    “It is symptomatic of a general problem with the Black male collective. This typical victimhood mindset, sense of entitlement, lack of responsibiliity, hiding behind a woman’s skirt (starting with their mothers, other female relatives, then their Black female friends, then girlfriends/wives/sexual partners etc, and then the general black female collective). They don’t pull that bull with anybody else, be it other bm, wm, etc, or other non-bw.”

    So on point!
    One thing I’ve noticed among sub-groups of bm (eg gay, poor, wealthy etc) is that unlike other races of men, pathologies that one sees in that sub-group are usually not limited to that bm sub-group, but rather tends to be noticeable in the general bm collective. For eg, among a lot of poor, working class uneducated wm, one can notice a lot of a ‘chip on the shoulder’ and ‘anti-intellectualist’ mindset but would be much harder to find this among the more successful wm. Yet for the bm collective, it wouldn’t take long before one runs into such a bm even among the more successful and/or educated.

  31. KimP
    May 18th, 2013 @ 1:19 AM

    @keisha Hi, keisha. This:

    ‘BUT IT WAS BLACK WOMEN WHO MADE IT SO DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO DO WHAT IS NORMAL FOR MOST OTHER MEN.’

    was pure sarcasm on the bw are too difficult/hard/emasculating excuse some bm give as their reason for not dating/not marrying bw/hating bw/not doing anything right by bw. For decades now several bm have given this excuse and many ppl, even bw, have bought this lie wholesale. However, folks are waking up seeing that we (bw) were never the problem at all.

    Jalilimaster’s post very well explains what I meant.

  32. Keisha
    May 18th, 2013 @ 2:28 PM

    KimP – Didn’t know you were being sarcastic. Its hard to tell online. Then I agree with you. Black men blaming black women’s behavior for not marrying them or treating them right. Black men being afraid to come out as gay, or staying in fake straight relationships with straight black women. Yes, black men blame black women for everything.

  33. Dreadnaught
    May 23rd, 2013 @ 8:39 AM

    @Formavitae
    of course we can disagree its a free ( sorta) country

  34. Formavtiae
    June 16th, 2013 @ 4:05 AM

    @ Oshun

    I have been wanting to get back to this (and other) posts. But, I have been SOOO….BUSY.

    OMG.

    Yes, the hypocrisy of BM is MORE than ridiculous. It seems they garner a sense of self-worth, when they see BW being denied any appreciation or validation. It just befuddles me that they want to argue the reason they pursue relationships w/non-BW is because BW are so difficult to DEAL with.

    Well, since they have so much agreement and can see “eye to eye” with EACH OTHER, why do they STILL pursue non-blacks when they have a same-s e x orientation? THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. I’m just ready for blacks to start calling things AS THEY ARE so that we can start dealing with THE TRUTH and teach our children FACTS rather than LIES.

    As a Protestant (who loves and respects others of different faiths), I, like Betty, have never really followed or pursued a deeper understanding of “New Age” beliefs. But, I notice there seems to be a major focus on SELF and SELF desires, wishes, etc. Nothing wrong with self-improvement and self-directed goals. I pursue the same. However, I do not understand how people do not see the linkage between a self-centered mindset and the usury, neglect, and disintegration of society as a whole. The things that we are “allowed” to do, as long as we don’t “hurt” anyone (and, how is the act of “hurting” defined) have some pretty detrimental impacts on our relationships with others as well as our own personal mores.

    For example, if it is okay for me sleep with a man in a consensual exchange, even though he is married/committed to another, as long as his partner/family doesn’t know/find out (i.e. get “hurt”), assuming his partner/family would NOT be amenable to this exchange, OF COURSE, WHAT does that action promote?

    Deception. Unfaithfulness. Breaking of commitments. Disregard for the needs of others. Desensitization.

    The list goes on.

    I, for one, believe that the character we build through each of our INDIVIDUAL actions/choices, over the course of time, influences all other areas of our lives. Learning to be deceitful/comfortable with deceit in one area will eventually spread to other areas in your life, as the presumed “need” arises. Same with fidelity, reliability, etc.

    This popular culture tries to teach people these things are not the case. This popular culture DISCOURAGES the development and usage of wisdom/discretion. This popular culture tries to teach people not to trust their “lying eyes”. It tries to socialize people into believing that having a set, consistent moral/ethical framework is oppressive and wrong.

    Now, I’m not arguing that ALL moral frameworks are acceptable, correct, or above criticism. ALL things, by which we choose to lead our lives, must/should be tested for merit. However, there IS such a thing as “RIGHT”. There IS such a thing as “WRONG”. And, they are not mere matters of WHIMSY. The next time some one wants to argue that they ARE, ask them if it would be okay for a random person to walk up and shoot them in the head, just because the random individual felt they were “morally justified” and had “a clear conscience”. If they roll their eyes and say “OF COURSE NOT”, they’ve negated THEIR OWN CLAIM to the “relativity” of morality, rightness/wrongness, or however one chooses to define such concepts.

    I’m glad someone else is able to see the DECAY wrapped up in the pretty packaging of “self-love” by today’s popular culture.

    Enjoy your day.

  35. Oshun
    June 17th, 2013 @ 1:54 AM

    @ Formavtiae

    Point taken.

    My personal issue with the New Age thinking and The Secret and others is that I think it encourages people to be “magical thinkers” and can be [is] used as a tool for abuse/control.

    If this line of thinking/spirituality works for some people – fine.

    But getting back to my criticisms…. I understand your point about New Agers and the focus on “self”. My point is related to “self”, but in a different way and Khadija was the one who tipped me off to this. It really hit home for me when she provided some counter examples to some commenters who used the phrase “look within” regarding unfortunate circumstances in their lives. She used the examples of slaves during slavery or jews during the holocaust – wondering whether they would “look within” and how helpful would that be to them.

    A lot of New Age philosophies teach that everything starts with you and within you i.e. your mental emotional state. And that you can change the outer circumstances in your life by changing your thoughts, beliefs etc.

    I do think that changing your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions from negative to positive is a good thing, but I also think that you have to follow it up with action that addresses your immediate situation/circumstances.

    It is disturbing for me bc similar to these “new” relationship gurus who poison BW that are cropping up everywhere- I am also now noticing a lot of this New Age lingo popping up amongst black folks as well. There are also some self- styled black New Age gurus popping up online. I guess its the new hustle instead of the black church.

    In a nutshell I think it is dangerous because it leads an already vulnerable group, BW, who have been indoctrinated to be magical thinkers to go further down that rabbit hole. All you have to do is chant, affirm, make a vision board and it will all get better.

    Its also a tool for abuse and control. I am a firm believer in justice. The reason I left my ATR practice was because of a lack of justice. Atrocities were being committed to innocents and people were saying let “God” handle it. My thoughts were that those who stood by and let this happen are just as bad and evil as the crooked priests who committed these atrocities because they stood by and did nothing.

    Anyway this line of spirituality discourages justice and allows abuse to flourish because again one is supposed to focus on the self. In other words “why did you attract these circumstances/this suffering to yourself”?

    I have seen everything from HIV, to cancer etc “blamed” on people who were sick.

    Its late and I hope I am making sense.

  36. Formavitae
    June 25th, 2013 @ 9:35 PM

    @Oshun

    You are making PERFECT SENSE.

    I understand where you are coming from, because I have had similar frustrations with several teachings in the black church (as you previously mentioned). I am Christian, because I REALLY DO love the system of ethics and example of Jesus Christ. But, if I were to base my choices simply upon the people who PROFESS to be “Christian”, I HONESTLY wouldn’t be one.

    I agree that careful and wise ACTION is necessary for change. I am totally with you and Khadija on this. I just have a SERIOUS PERSONAL PROBLEM with the diminution of personal integrity being promoted by the popular culture. I am an ethics and integrity oriented person. And, it disturbs me to see so many people marginalize the significance and importance of personal character and decision-making.

    I’ve enjoyed this exchange.

    (And, don’t worry about misspelling my SN. It’s no biggie.)

  37. This Week’s Fun….and Foolishness Recap « Acts of Faith In Love & Life
    August 23rd, 2013 @ 6:02 AM

    […] to the large concentration of black women and kids present. Mind you he goes on to make excuses for DeceptiCons while completely ignoring the correlation between denigrated black women, self-esteem and poor […]

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