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Open Forum: What’s On Your Mind? Talking About Self-Control and Happy Memorial Day

Posted on | May 26, 2013 | 21 Comments

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. May our troops, veterans and allies stay safe.

***

Time Travel(s)

I’m in the middle of a long, lovely, idyllic and idle weekend. Rather cold, but I like it like that. I remember a couple of summers a few years back that were rather chilly. Time is going by much too quickly, as usual. When we work, the week drags. When we have days off, they simply fly by. And I cannot believe it is half-way, mid-way through the year.

So, I’ve been asking myself lately:

  • What have I been doing?
  • Is it moving me forward?
  • Have I advanced in any way?
  • Have I (re)moved any major milestones?

I verbally spank myself a great deal. I try not to be annoyed with myself so much. To me, the perfect state of being is literally a blank mind. I wont be able to sleep if I cannot do that. I wont be able to drive. I wont be able to function. I often dwell and think too much about really really unimportant things I have absolutely no control over, because I do not want to focus on the big things that I must do.

Getting It Done

My approach for dealing with life is usually two track: 1) Little bites, 2) Big major moves.

It’s surprising to me, although it shouldn’t, how often I stay on the same track. It’s good when it is applied to stubbornly working to accomplish a difficult long term task, yet deadly when it’s used for avoidance and getting stuck in a rut.

Does that make sense? I know I’m beating dead horses in my life. I recognize it. Yet, I wont stop it. I discover notes, diaries and checklists from years ago. Same stuff, different day. Nothing seems to be changing.

Do you know how aggravating that is?

One of the things I’m always looking at is, How do I move forward? My personality, which I’ve been trying to change, or adjust for these situations, and for such a long time, I consider to be one of my greatest impediments. It is great for somethings. I am a Pitt Bull where it counts.

And I don’t ask for much. My list is quite short. However, it requires multiple steps to get there.

Lost in Lack of Self-Control

On some level, I think I can understand why people get up and run away, take too many prescription drugs, drink, get high all the time, work excessively long hours, push themselves too hard, are addicted to pain, pleasure and dangerous (sometimes criminal) activities. It’s about the distraction. It’s about getting the mind off that groove.

Unfortunately, it’s replacing one deep ditch for another. And one could get lost in the self for many years, forgetting what one wanted in the first place.

There’s this perfect limbo between absolute killing boredom and excitement so keen you could die of bliss. One cannot always chase the bliss … it can be destructive. But when you have to keep a certain state of equanimity day after day, month after month, because that is life… Oh goodness, life is extremely tedious.

I think it is a fine recipe for going bonkers.

So, what to do?

***

Everyone can talk about what’s on their minds. I’m just doing a little mental purging. :D

 

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21 Responses to “Open Forum: What’s On Your Mind? Talking About Self-Control and Happy Memorial Day”

  1. Dreadnaught
    May 31st, 2013 @ 2:11 PM

    bit late on this post but what the hell.

    Last weekend was a complete bust other then the Glasgow Celtic F.C. Win..had a bitch too much to drink at the pub and was fined for being too loud and drunk in public but the cops were pretty cool about it all.

    This weekend I will be back at my favorite activities, camping, fishing and hitting the range may even get to sneak some horseback riding in.

    Just wanted to poke my head on in and say hey to ya fine folks.

    GoldenAh: Howdy Dreadnaught. Glad to hear you are doing well. I guess that’s soccer you follow?

    I had to read the “bitch” sentence a few times, before I realized what you were saying. Quite funny. :D

  2. JK
    June 4th, 2013 @ 12:35 AM

    @Betty
    Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post and your willingness to be so open about yourself. “I feel you” in regards to many of the thoughts and feelings you’ve expressed. It’s a lot to mull over. I’ll get back to you with some thoughts.

    Take Care

    GoldenAh: Thank you, JK. Going through some major struggles in my life right now. And I guess I have to be obedient to the belief that God doesn’t send one challenges one cannot handle. Or something like that.

  3. Oshun
    June 17th, 2013 @ 1:59 AM

    (((Betty)))

    So sorry to hear that things are so tough for you! I will be thinking of you. You are so awesome and you a much appreciated for your kindness in running/maintaining this blog. If there is something I can do and it is within my power to help – email me.

    GoldenAh: It is about me, but not directly about me. I’m experiencing the shock of watching a relative go through a major operation, and wondering about how well she will do with the recuperative phase. She’s passed the major hurdles. It is now a question about quality of life. Will she plateau or continue to get better? And I’m deeply angry about some other issues. I’m nice to certain kinds of people because of her, it is a promise I make, otherwise I’d be a really bad girl. :D

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words, Oshun. I appreciate the offer. {{Hugs}} Right now, it’s wait and see, along with some other things I need to take care of. No procrastinating anymore.

  4. MsMellody
    June 17th, 2013 @ 8:18 PM

    Betty!!!

    Just wanted you to know that I understand the need to just slow down and think.

    Mental purging is necessary. Enjoy your time to yourself and take it easy.

    Love you and your wonderful blog and these wonderful fellow commentors!

    GoldenAh: Thank you, MsMellody. I had missed you for a while. Hope everything is going good for you.

    I’ll try and come back sooner. I wasn’t aware I was going on hiatus. It sorta just happened.

    Take care.

  5. Formavitae
    June 25th, 2013 @ 10:06 PM

    Betty,

    I know that coping with a loved one’s illness can be very challenging. I pray you and your family have the strength to do and accept what is best, during this difficult time.

    As far as personal development/challenges are concerned, I would encourage you not to be so hard on yourself. You may feel you are dealing with the se issues, but you may be dealing with them in a different way than you have before. We each have our own personalities and sets of strengths/weaknesses. So, it isn’t necessarily surprising that our life experiences/challenges seem to share a similar frame of reference. But, as we grow, we address these things in ways that expand who we are as individuals.

    Case in point: I am currently working on a piano piece I learned over TWENTY YEARS ago, with a new instructor. Although I can remember the challenges I faced when I first learned it (and they start to surface as I work to TE-learn it), my understanding of the piece and how to tackle those issues has GREATLY IMPROVED. As a matter of fact, I was just telling my teacher, today, that another piece I’m concurrently working on is MUCH more difficult than this. I believe that with practice, focus, and my newly developed skills, not only will I successfully relearn this piece, I will master it in a way I was unable to before.

    I said all of that to REALLY say, we each have our own realm of personal development. Just because the topics repeat doesn’t mean that we haven’t advanced. If may be that for our OWN individual life, THIS is the particular area which we are supposed to master and help others do the same. I may be wrong, but I believe that we each have a gift/contribution that is unique to our own person.

    For example, I am not a gymnast or a dancer. I am a writer. I am a musician. I like to help others. THAT’S ME. So, the “theme” of my life will not mirror Gabby Douglas’, and THAT’S OKAY. I encourage you to respect the theme of YOUR life, and see how it enhances YOUR unique contribution to the world.

    BE ENCOURAGED.

    GoldenAh: Sigh. What you wrote makes perfect sense. It really does. Going over something again does give one another perspective. We’ve learned something new in the meantime. I realize I don’t find hospitals that scary, although I still dread going. Thankfully, things are beginning to look up, so the nightmare phase has ebbed.

    Thanks for the words of comfort, Formavitae.

  6. Oshun
    June 27th, 2013 @ 11:23 AM

    Hello Betty!

    Lots of hugs to you. (((Betty)))

    I am so sorry. I know how stressful and upsetting that can be. Man and I can relate to having to be civil to unsavory elements when there is a major illness/crisis.

    No worries about the offer. It stands … :)

    I will say this, they say that anger can be a motivator for great change. I also want to second that sometimes you may not think you are making progress, when you actually are.

    I believe in you…

    GoldenAh: I always felt a great deal of guilt after feeling angry, but not anymore. I’m not going to be forgiving of liars, cheaters and thieves. I’m going to be fighting (with a smile!) down to the last word, nickel and dime. I’m wondering when / why this society has turned into a liar’s paradise.

    Also, one thing I haven’t forgotten is that when it comes to health care workers, I don’t care what they do – big or small – I am very grateful to them and thankful. Because you never know how they treat your helpless loved ones when your back is turned. I give them all the respect I can muster. They’re doing jobs I cannot do.

    I’ll be alright. It’s just another phase of life I have to go through. :D

    Again, thank you for your support, Oshun.

  7. Oshun
    June 27th, 2013 @ 12:37 PM

    Just wanted to share this about food:

    “Olestra that is often put into low fat or fat free foods. Olestra has been linked to MANY gastrointestinal dilemmas and that is why it is banned in both the United Kingdom and Canada.

    Many popular colas contain brominated vegetable oil that has been made illegal to use in over 100 nations (!) because it has been tied to cancer, autoimmune issues, and just about every other unwanted health scenario that one can think of. However, in America, it is in use, marketed and fed to children and sports fans.

    Yellow #5 and #6 that is found in many Kraft products such as Mac and Cheese and is known to lead to cancer, has been linked to a slew of allergies, and is one of the many toxins that we have all been warned about that lurk in our shampoos. Yes, both yellow poisons are used in shampoos and cereal on a regular basis.

    Singapore has a 15-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine awaiting those that use azodicarbonamide in food products, while in America these toxins are used to make yoga mats, is present in our bread products and in our frozen foods. Sure, most of Europe has wisely banned it, but that should not affect anything at all, should it?

    Look up how BHA causes awful cancers as Kellogg’s, Post, and Quaker serve it up in each serving of cereal.”

    http://foodworldorder.blogspot.com/

    GoldenAh: I’ve always avoided oil. I try to bake most of my food. I cannot eat pizza anymore. Maybe it’s the cheese – never bothered me before – but now, I cannot tolerate it. So, the list of foods I cannot eat has grown. I think peanuts / peanut butter are out too. They are putting way too many unnatural additives into foods. And we’re getting too much food from China. Does it make sense that the USA, which can feed itself is receiving food from a nation with 4 times our population? And those folks are willing to add glycerin and dangerous fillers into food that are obviously not meant for human (or animal!) consumption.

    I try to eat frozen, canned or dried foods and veggies. I still love meat. But I’m just about getting scared of what’s safe to eat. Maybe junk food will be the only “safe” item left. Twinkies last forever. :)

  8. Truth P.
    June 30th, 2013 @ 6:03 PM

    I’m sorry Betty,I skimmed through some of this post but didn’t read it all.I didn’t know what you were going through.Take care of yourself Betty.I hope everything works out for you and your family.I’m keeping you and your loved one in my thoughts and prayers.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Truth P. It’s okay if you didn’t say or missed anything. I don’t give much in the way of details. I’m not exactly the most forthcoming woman when it comes to personal stuff, because a good portion of it is out of my control.

    And I really cannot express my unpleasant thoughts online since the NSA, FBI and the other alphabets have nothing better to do but regard US citizens as enemies of the state.

  9. Oshun
    June 30th, 2013 @ 6:26 PM

    Scary and sad.

    http://www.zerohedge.com/node/475876

    GoldenAh: Isn’t it though? I used to always have some semblance of regard for this government. Even if some folks are “bad”, there are people who believe in doing the right thing. But I have to thank this regime for totally clearing my head of this belief.

    That person occupying the White House has managed to completely destroy my faith in the US government. At least with some humor or cynicism I could say I cared somewhat, now I’m like, these people are truly capable of anything. We’ve actually reached the point where those absurd Hollywood movies about government conspiracies aren’t outrageous enough. It doesn’t matter what government officials say, I don’t believe them. I will believe the worst.

  10. Dreadnaught
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:49 AM

    @Oshun

    the illegal and scary things the feds are up to these days is out of control.

    @Betty
    Hang in there you got alot of support here

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Dreadnaught.

    The “majority” who voted need to think. Something is really wrong with this government. This is the first time I’ve seen the FBI not arrest a politician or government employee for corruption, perjury or something. Even during the Clinton or Bush eras someone went to jail. But nothing is happening, except regular people being tracked and treated like criminals for expressing an opinion.

    People in this country need to stop believing in media-created fake celebritards who want to run for or occupy public office. If someone wants to be a celebrity they should stick to acting on reality TV shows. I really don’t want anymore selfish, conniving, dishonest, paranoid, narcissistic, delusional, pathological lying nutjob politicians who’ve never worked at a real job a day in their lives. No more lifetime politicians. I want honest, square, boring and regular men and women who sincerely want to do the right thing….

  11. Oshun
    July 4th, 2013 @ 11:14 AM

    @Dreadnaught

    I agree. I am even more appalled at the responses of some of my fellow Americans to these revelations.

  12. Oshun
    July 4th, 2013 @ 11:32 AM

    Oregon just passed some awesome legislation for college students!

    http://seattletimes.com/text/2021323921.html

  13. Dreadnaught
    July 5th, 2013 @ 7:38 AM

    Oshun,
    I am more shocked that people are willing to accept it. Anyone who speaks out is considered the bad guy.

    What does encourage me is that alot of younger people in the early 20s mostly are getting more involved.

  14. Dreadnaught
    July 5th, 2013 @ 7:39 AM

    I would like to add, I think the powers that be, selected Obama for the presidency for a reason.

  15. Formavitae
    July 11th, 2013 @ 9:56 AM

    Betty,

    I’m glad to hear things are looking up. And, I’m thankful my words of encouragement were useful.

    GoldenAh: Yes, they were. I’m a very internal person and it’s good to hear another perspective. It provides the best breakthrough for me, otherwise I can end up chasing my tail… :)

  16. Oshun
    July 11th, 2013 @ 2:09 PM

    Hi Betty,

    Just stopping by to see how you are doing…:)

    “I’m not going to be forgiving of liars, cheaters and thieves. I’m going to be fighting (with a smile!) down to the last word, nickel and dime. I’m wondering when / why this society has turned into a liar’s paradise.”

    Good policy! Good for you. I can really relate to that esp. regarding an ill family member.

    Re: health care workers- So true and I think they are grossly underpaid. Caretaking is hard work. And I agree with your thoughts about how your loved ones are being treated when you are not there.

    On food:

    “I cannot eat pizza anymore. Maybe it’s the cheese – never bothered me before – but now, I cannot tolerate it.”

    Some cheese is not real. And they put god awful chemicals in shredded cheese as a separator to keep its ‘nice’ shredded appearance.

    “So, the list of foods I cannot eat has grown. I think peanuts / peanut butter are out too. They are putting way too many unnatural additives into foods.”

    I am in the same boat. I bought some apples once from a store I normally don’t purchase from and they had a chemical smell and taste even after repeated washing. I bought some PButter and it had a waxy non peanut taste.

    Re China – and yet China will not accept many of our foods due to the chemicals and GMOs that we have. I don’t know. Something is definitely not clean in the water.

    I eat frozen, but am particular about canned due to the BPAs. I am meat eater as well and that is getting expensive because I source from a butcher who sources from a farm. I have also sourced my own meat from a farmer and slaughtered myself from time to time. But that can be tricky as I live in the city and was scared of getting caught- either driving with livestock or keeping them in the backyard for a time. But you can definitely taste the difference.

    “That person occupying the White House has managed to completely destroy my faith in the US government. Something is really wrong with this government. This is the first time I’ve seen the FBI not arrest a politician or government employee for corruption, perjury or something.”

    Agreed with all of the above.

  17. Dreadnaught
    July 16th, 2013 @ 8:02 AM

    @Oshun..well said! the problem is we need to wake up this country and the people here, we allow every little thing to divide us, and sadly its the media. Did you hear during the Zimmerman trial they removed the anti-propganda laws ?

  18. Oshun
    July 17th, 2013 @ 7:36 PM

    @Dreadnaught

    I didn’t notice that. I just googled and wow. I think they have been doing a form of that online before. This country sucks so bad. I really hope this is not the 4th Reich, but its feeling like that.

  19. Oshun
    July 17th, 2013 @ 7:37 PM

    correction *a form of that – especially online*

  20. Dreadnaught
    July 18th, 2013 @ 8:23 AM

    @oshun

    Slight of hand my friend…

    that is my fear, honestly I think if they can disarm a large portion of the population things will get bad.

    I love my country but I hate and fear my government, its sad. Maybe It was a late evening of wine and rebel songs but I fear in the near future Americans will Americans again. I hope I am wrong.

    Look up Agenda 21. If you are on Facebook look up Citizens For Liberty, a very civic minded and good group of people.

    They like many other patriot groups could really use the support of people like you and many of the ladies on here. I just dont think many of them know how or are nervous about reaching outside the tradtional areas of support for the Constitution and Civil liberties as the common myth is the all minorities support federal power grabs.

    Hope this makes some sense as I am a bit hung over at the moment.

  21. Dreadnaught
    July 18th, 2013 @ 8:52 AM

    Americans will kill Americans *

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