How’s It Going Folks?

Things are definitely looking up for my family member. No longer seriously ill and the recovery is coming along nicely.

Thanks for all the well wishes. Now, I can totally stop worrying – at least about this….  😀


So, what’s new?

I figure I’d throw something up just to let you know I’m still here. I was going to write a detailed long winded post, but not right now. It takes me time to sink my teeth into a subject. That’s how it is being a slow writer.


Hope everyone is enjoying their summer. I went down to Atlantic City the day after 4th of July. The boardwalk has been rebuilt and you wouldn’t even know that Hurricane Sandy had thoroughly trashed and wiped it away.

[I don’t know any of the people in the pictures, and I’m not in any of them!]

IMG_20130705_172525 IMG_20130705_172323 IMG_20130705_172319 IMG_20130705_172259 IMG_20130705_172254



Anyway, hope everyone is taking care of business and doing all right.



40 thoughts on “How’s It Going Folks?”

  1. Hello Khadijah!

    So nice to see you around!

    Thank you so much. Your prayers are much appreciated. 🙂

    I did not see this coming. I had never seen anyone have a mental breakdown before. I was stunned and didn’t know how to respond. It was hard to look at someone who had x, y, z personality traits be reduced to crying, babbling, and zoning out. It was like looking at a living dead person at times.

    The only other aunt here locally besides my mom is pretty much useless. She is illiterate and lives in public housing. Her daughter is an alcoholic who is unemployed. The granddaughter – I posted about her on your blog. She was the teenager being statutorily raped by the 26 year old man and his other women (all adults) wanted to beat her up for it.

    Well she had his child sometime ago. That child has 4 half siblings nearly the same age located within a 2 block radius.

    She is now 17 and living with some 30+ year old guy. She did not graduate high school and was recently fired from her job at Taco Bell.

    She also just gave birth to her second child, a boy, with a different adult male. Not the male she is living with – nor the father of her first child.

    Her second child has several severe physical disabilities. She has been denying that the baby is hers to others because the child has birth defects. Everyone knows that she was pregnant and everyone knows she gave birth. So she may be on the fantasy island nervous breakdown express train pretty soon too. The elderly illiterate grandmother is taking care of both of these children.

    “It’s always sickening to watch this type of situation play itself out. And one can’t help these mule-women because they’ll use whatever you give them to prop up the DBRs. If you help the mules, then you end up being indirectly pimped by the same DBRs who are pimping the Mammy Mule.”

    This is so true. A lot of this stuff is very sickening and scary. It used to be bad, but now a lot of people are in situations that are really bad. I care about these people, but I just can’t be near them. I feel like my air is getting cut off when I just think about these layers and layers of drama and coonery.

    I do worry for my mom though because she is so upset by this. My mom used to give my aunt who had the nervous breakdown soap and toilet tissue so she could hide it from her son as they would use hers and not buy any.

  2. Thank you so much Goldie.

    I wish I could say that I was not as upset as I am, but I am.

    She has done that and then some. I come to find out that when he was in the Navy, she was sending him money every month. Also he and his bride spent about 30k on their wedding. Her mom put in 15k and they came up with the rest.

    Instead of getting a home- they had a 30k wedding. On top of that they had a 2 bedroom apts worth of furniture in storage in virginia where they were based that they allowed the storage company to auction because they chose not to keep up the payments.

    People this stupid should not breed. I would have taken 2k from the 15 my mom gave me went and got my stuff, put a few thousand down on a house in a so so neighborhood even if I had to rent with the option to buy and called it a day. I couldn’t respect a man who would make me move into his mother’s house on an indefinite basis.

    And my cousin’s wife’s parents want nothing to do with them. His MIL told them flat out that they cannot and will not under any circumstances live with her. I think is it because the MIL is married and her husband is old school. I dont think he nor she would tolerate this at all.

    I dont think he is being selfish. I think he is abusive. Extremely abusive. It makes me boil so much. There is a long list of expletives I want to say to my obese cousin and his beach whale of a wife. He even allows his to disrespect his mom. She told her once that she needed to get some “di_ _” (you fill in the blank) because that is why she was so mean. It could not be me. How is she being mean? By preventing a family of 4 from being homeless?

    “I’ll be frank, on days when it’s too much for me at any job – I leave right then and there. I tell them I’m feeling sick and go right home. Sometimes I’ll take the next day off. We have to get in the habit of breaking it off and running away. There’s no shame in it. Being “strong” all the time ends up breaking us.”

    You are wise. I don’t get why she hasn’t put her foot down by now.

    There are a few. One of the peeps at the hospital told us about The Red Cross. We went and someone took pity on her and they gave her an appointment this past Friday. These people were booked up for almost two months straight.

    The thing is that she needed a notarized statement from her lazy so-and-so son saying that he wasn’t working. He told her he would have it Friday before her appointment. Then when the time came he told her that he didn’t have it and she didn’t need it. He nor his wife would do it. I am steaming as I type this.

    I wish I could say otherwise, but this is not going to end well. I just feel it. I hate to say it.

    I am so upset because their landline had gotten turned off a few months back. Now this week her cell phone was turned off. We went by there today and I don’t know if they pulled the car or what, but she wasn’t there. Her obese son was there I believe, but he wouldn’t open the door.

    1. her boss has been calling my mom.
    2. her coworkers have been calling my mom because they are concerned. I don’t know if she broke down at work or what??
    3. The car dealership has called my mom a few times.

    She must have listed my mom as an emergency contact, but we have no way of reaching her.

    I want to detach, but I can’t and seeing/hearing my mom be so upset is not helping. The last time I saw her she was so disoriented. Her words/grammar was off, she was spacey, she was mumbling, couldn’t walk. I don’t know if it was the meds they may have given her or just this is the way she currently is because of her breakdown or what. I do know that her thinking was highly disordered.

    “So, if your Aunt feels inclined, she could sell the house and let the son figure out where he’s “going to back and forth from.”

    I wish! 🙂 The thing is this fat slob has a car. I didn’t know this until we went by the house. And come to find out that in the past my aunt paid his car note for him many times so he wouldn’t lose it. She even let him use her car to go back and forth to work before he got his own car. He had a job with a local cable company which he promptly quit because he said they didn’t have health benefits. He is also a trained electrician. That was his job in the Navy. My aunt even bought him tools. He could earn a steady income doing electrician work on the side in peeps homes.

    I have never seen a man so sorry in my life.

  3. @FoxyCleopatra,

    I hear you. Nobody does anything totally for “free.” There’s always some sort of emotional payoff/gratification involved in people’s choices. Ranging from the simple pleasure of doing a small good deed to the toxic, dysfunctional, and ultimately self-destroying emotional payoffs involved in Mammy Mule/martyr behavior.

    When I see anybody I care about doing Mammy Muling, I say just enough so that my conscience is clear. And then I wash my hands of the mess if that woman persists in that mule-type behavior.

  4. @ Khadija,

    I can tell you that you aren’t telling these older ‘mule type’ bw anything they dont already know. They’ve also seen how it ends up for other black women who have engaged in similar stupidity. I personally dont even bother anymore. When these leeching dbrbm screw these bw mules over, they know not to come moaning to me about it.

    Also, these dbr leeches know the type of bw to try that nonsense with.

  5. @Oshun,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your aunt. I’ll pray for her. {sigh}

    Unfortunately, I’ve seen this sort of thing happen before. More than once, I’ve strongly suggested to more than one over-burdened, middle-aged (and older) BW that they stop muling for DBR relatives. They didn’t listen, got angry at me, and went on to allow themselves to be run down into a sick bed by the stress of engaging in hardcore muling.

    And once they got sick (and were no longer useful), the DBRs they were carrying promptly “forgot” about that particular Mammy Mule, and found another Mammy Mule/host body to leech off of.

    It’s always sickening to watch this type of situation play itself out. And one can’t help these mule-women because they’ll use whatever you give them to prop up the DBRs. If you help the mules, then you end up being indirectly pimped by the same DBRs who are pimping the Mammy Mule. All one can do is get clear of the mule-women; and pray they come to their senses before it’s too late.

  6. My aunt has had a nervous breakdown. She was released from the hospital this morning. The last time I saw her she was sitting like a zombie in my mother’s bedroom. She is barely able to walk.

    They told her that she needs psychiatric follow up care. Her car is being pulled this week and the gas was turned off.

    I was afraid to let my mom go by herself so when we went to pick her up and then swung by her house, we discovered her son, his wife, and their two children all in bed relaxing at 10am.

    When his mother was hospitalized he did not move or even go to check on her. He told her before she left with us today, “I don’t know how you are going to get back and forth to work after they pull your car this week.”.

    As she is standing there, hair all wild, with the hospital band still on.

    I am just stunned.

    GoldenAh: Sorry to hear about your Aunt, Oshun. Just reading this is making me twitch. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done everything she could for her son. I don’t know why some men are so selfish. It’s a disease.

    I’ll be frank, on days when it’s too much for me at any job – I leave right then and there. I tell them I’m feeling sick and go right home. Sometimes I’ll take the next day off. We have to get in the habit of breaking it off and running away. There’s no shame in it. Being “strong” all the time ends up breaking us.

    I might be wrong, but I believe there’s a government program to help people keep the utilities on. Unfortunately, she’ll have to go down to an office, fill out tons of forms to make a request for help and that could be a hellish thing to endure with her current situation.

    I hope your aunt gets better.

    I heard a story about a couple who sold their home and didn’t tell the father-in-law (who lived with them) about it. He didn’t find out until the new owners showed up. So, if your Aunt feels inclined, she could sell the house and let the son figure out where he’s “going to back and forth from.”

  7. @ Nysee

    Congratulations! That is awesome! Good to see you making positive changes. 🙂

    I am mad at your brother. I’ll bet of your father was involved he would have never gotten that money or not nearly as much as he did. I am so sorry. I hate your mom did that. The fact that he cops an attitude says it all.

    It is not your job to financially support your mom. It would be nice for you to help her out, but you have to take care of yourself and when it happens, your immediate family. Wow! This is more of that – take an anchor and tie it around BW’s necks. Most of us can’t do this unless we are super rich. This should definitely not be entertained especially if it is at the expense of your own financial health.

    Your brother is a jerk and he is trying to guilt you into being a financial mammy mule. How exactly is he helping her? Especially with his borrowing enough to buy a nice used car and not paying it back? That money should be in your mom’s retirement account.

    Thinking of you and sending you supportive thoughts…:)

  8. I have found another place that is bigger and paying a 100.00 more. It still in the safe neighborhood and it is worth the space. My family have borrowed money from my mother. My brother has borrowed 5,000.00 from my mother because she was the only one saving money. Now my father is upset because my brother has not paid back and then when my mother brings it to his attention, then he takes pot-shots at me because he feels I don’t help my mother enough. That is a bold face lie. My mother has 3 children and our parents are elder and even though they get around, we still check on them. Before my aunt passed away, her children would leech off her too. People don’t take kind to being used and when my mother says something to my brother, he gets an attitude. Much like DBRBM do. So many Black women are being used to the hilt that they can’t breathe themselves because everyone is gauging them at all times. The picture are very beautiful and I glad you have the rest and relaxation that was needed. I need to look in to Atlantic City. Seems like a very beautiful and lively place.

    GoldenAh: Glad to hear you’ve moved to a better & bigger place. I need to do something like throw out furniture and get a badly needed paint job. Stuff like that will make you feel better.

    If your Mom gave your brother a check w/ a note saying “loan” or any other proof – she could sue him in small claims court. She could win by default if he’s a no show. Although I doubt that she would want to sue. When it comes to relatives and loans, people will have to regard it as a gift with no expectation of payment.

    The Shore is nicer during late August, early September period – less crowds and a rebuilt, refreshed boardwalk does help.

  9. @MB

    I have noticed this too. It seem like these random attacks of craziness whether due to race, gender, or sexual orientation..crimes against children… people seem unhinged.

    I was watching then news the other night and I can’t remember, but someone threw out a stat about the gender ratios shifting. I loosely recall the commenter saying that over age 18 women start to outnumber men, but due to gender preferences at birth and violence against women – those numbers are shifting for the first time in history. It is not a dramatic shift- yet, but it was noticeable to take note.

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