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Rant: What I Dislike About Being a Black Woman Sometimes

Posted on | April 20, 2010 | 4 Comments

Oh, I like being a woman who’s also “black”, just fine, it’s people getting on my nerves that ruins it.

You are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

People like making up these “what a black woman shouldn’t do” rules, because they are emotional bullies, hypocrites, and misogynists.

If you work for your money, you are a bank. If you are broke, you are persona non grata.

If you express joy and satisfaction in making money, men call you mercenary. If you show little interest in money people become incredulous, because you’re supposed to be stressing over it. I recognize my limitations with fiscal sophistication. I manage as best I can. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. Yet I don’t become smug or condescending because of it.

If you are single, people think your time isn’t worth anything. They assume it can be harnessed for the benefit of the married, or not married, with children, and the selfish. I cannot stand “bring your brats to work” day at the job. The parents think only the singles should work. I take the day off if they plan on being that disruptive.

Your achievements make people envious, upset, and testy. If I’m not taking from you, why worry about my business? Folks like to think that every black woman is at the bottom, and it upsets them if we are doing better than them.

Your setbacks make their day. Oh, they practice schadenfreude like a religion.

Men assume you will play Big Momma to them, because you get up every morning and work. What else am I supposed to do? Sit at home? Will you pay the bills, sir? Should I yearn to earn less than the average man at the same job?

Years ago, I had a guy tell me he likes me, because I work for “good money” and his future ex-girlfriend did not. He said she worked with the expectation of being an at-home mother. So, I’m supposed to be complimented with the assumption that I wouldn’t want to stay home and raise my kids too? WTF? This was coming from a white dude (ex-gf being white) who grew up among wolves … oh, sorry, black guys.

If you do not have children men will say, “I’m sorry.” I’ve never expressed regret that I do not have any. So, why am I supposed to be sorry? Not every woman who has a uterus has to use it. There is more to us than childbearing.

Some men assume that black women are so manly that we can all lift heavy weights, work out strenuously, and perform heavy-duty tasks like men. Back the hell up with that nonsense. I tell ’em straight, “I’m not a man. I’m delicate.” I get cold easily. I cannot lift heavy weights. The only place I’m running is on a treadmill. I don’t do anything to injure myself.

If you own property, a fellow will ask you why you bought it, as if I have the nerve to live in a house without his permission.

If you drive a nice car, jerks will ask you who bought it for you. This can go either way, if I bought it myself, I’m showing off, if a guy bought it for me… Oh well, let’s not go there.

Leave me alone about how I wear my hair. Seriously. Some people are looking to get the crap knocked out of them.

I don’t require anyone’s permission to do anything. I just go ahead and do.

Hey, black guys! If we accidentally make eye contact, that doesn’t mean I’m interested! If you are with a white woman: Leave me alone. What is with you guys? You’ve got your prize, no one cares, especially not me. I cannot tell you the number of times some negro acts up whenever he’s got a white chick by his side. I don’t even notice these fools until they say something, or they stare so long I can feel it.

Regardless of what some fellows think, just because I am a black woman, don’t even try and tell what I can or cannot do. I’ve heard enough from the “you-just-can’t” losers all of my life, and it didn’t, and it doesn’t stop me from having the life I want.

I do, and get, what I want, when I want, and how I want. That’s my motto since Day 1, and it always will be.

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4 Responses to “Rant: What I Dislike About Being a Black Woman Sometimes”

  1. Sky
    April 24th, 2010 @ 2:30 PM

    This post is awesome! there are some people in my life I just don’t tell what I’m doing at all, because they always got something to say. Or I feel they are checkin on me to see if i actually did what I said I was going to do.

    I’ve long learned to keep my mouth shut and make my life general as possible. Then when they see what I’m was doing in my life on facebook they realize they really can’t say anything at all.

    GoldenAh: I remember back in high school when a teacher asked me, “why do you hide your fire behind the bush?”, or something like that. I wondered if he truly understood the kind of environment he taught in. Losers need everyone to fail with them, so they harass people with high achievements.

    It’s still with us today, which is why we are aggrieved over our victories in life. So yeah, to heck with the losers. There’s nothing wrong with handling your business. Good for you. πŸ™‚

    I hope you are finding people to celebrate your joys with: you owe it to yourself.

  2. Gumdrpanther
    May 17th, 2010 @ 1:13 AM

    I like what you said about black poor women. I am trying to help the Scott Sisters
    (freethescottsisters.blogspot.com)even though I am white I am outraged. Yet, I am actually finding it easier to get white bloggers to help? I know that this is political….but they could die. Because a white police officer in Mississippi gets to do what he wants to poor black women. It is like poor black women mean nothing to blacks and whites now? I think they still do mean something. They still deserve to be alive. πŸ™‚

    GoldenAh: I will link to the website.

    This page summarizes the situation: click here.

    The entire Scott Sisters website: http://freethescottsisters.blogspot.com

    Thanks for stopping by. πŸ™‚

  3. Amanda
    May 22nd, 2010 @ 8:09 PM

    And it gets me when black people (black Americans at least)who grew up in that same situation act like they don’t know what’s up in these schools or the bc. Many had to live the same situation, but will blast that so and so is intelligent doing this or that has great grades when that kid is trying to keep that on the DL. Same with White and other teachers, but I can understand why some (even black American who never lived that) wouldn’t know or understand that type of dysfunction within the bc. Teachers love you, but that’s why schools have student I.D.s so that when grades are up you look at your ID and see your grade.

    If a child refuses to let everyone know they have great grades are planning to go to Harvard, like skiing or anything else please respect that.

    Many of these kids start failing on purpose or when they do fail at something you get comments like though you was smart etc. If you see that education isn’t valued with most of the kids in a school or people within a community then don’t put others doing well on the spot.

    GoldenAh: It used to be that they’d take the dysfunctional, disruptive, and don’t-want-to-learn kids and put them in their own classes or schools. Unfortunately, the liberal mindset is to put everybody in the same class. The only people who suffer are those who want to learn. I can tell you: I am mostly self-taught. College wasn’t a big deal, I was used to learning on my own.

    Thanks for stopping by Amanda, nice to hear from you. πŸ˜€

  4. Tina
    August 30th, 2011 @ 8:45 AM

    Well, a lot of what you are describing is more sexism than anything. Yes, it becomes racial because we are black and women, but I think we deal with more sexism than racism. Most of the time our sex is dismissed because of our race, if this makes sense. I think it’s this way most of the time, but I admit that I am very confused living in this world. It’s like you can’t be a woman and you can’t be a man. If you try to excel in the masculine areas, you feel demeaned because you’re a woman and really should shine in that light. If you take on feminine roles, you’re not really seen as a woman either so it’s hard to find a place. I’m really at a loss most of the time. I guess this is what transexuals go through by not having a gender that’s solidified. I say we take control of our sexuality by becoming ultra feminine. This can be done by taking glory in roles of subservience – cooking and cleaning, particularly for men. This is what women were truly meant to do anyway. We should get back to our femininity. I can admit that it has been lost over the years.

    GoldenAh: You hit the nail on the head. There are these bizarre (crazy) people who don’t see us as women or feminine. One of my pet peeves is how many of us embrace other people’s negative labels and try to re-cast it as a strength.

    I think we are free to excel in every area, but there will be hardships in trying.

    Now, I cannot totally subscribe to the theory of subservience being cooking and cleaning. If a woman is going to hang her hat on that, the key is NOT letting any man take advantage. Today, too many guys get something for nothing. If any black woman wants to be do the submissive thing – HE has to BRING IT to the TABLE: no premarital sex, earns a decent income to support a family and marriage. No excuses. No leniency. No cutting of slack. No grading on a curve. πŸ™‚

    We’ve gotten in the habit of giving too much without receiving protection, respect, responsible and trustworthy adult leadership from men. A lot of manchildren are running about wanting to be treated like men, but they are living in extended adolescence.

    And we can do it all by being sweet, nice and feminine, while quietly and cleverly making sure no one walks all over us. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for the feedback, Tina.



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