For Black Women: White Men Hunting – Lesson Number 92

Posted on | April 23, 2010 | 28 Comments

Sometimes the comments are so good, they get their own posts.

In this one, White Men Hunting – Lesson Number 92, you will have the answers to oft-repeated questions, such as:

Where are the white men?
How do I find one?
How do I get one to ask me out?
I don’t look like Beyonce or Halle, will they like me?
Am I too old at age (fill in the blank)?

Starting with the excellent comment by Anna (middle name). She addresses the age-old issue of: Now, how are white men supposed to know you like them if you never hang around them?

Anna (middle name) says:

If you want to be in the swirl, there is one way to make that happen that is only obvious after someone connects the dots for you. That’s how it happened for me, too.

What is it, you ask?

Just hang out with white guys. Even if none of those guys that you’re hanging with ask you out, other WM will see you with them, figure that you actually must like white guys and be comfortable around them, approach you, and ask you out. It works like a charm.

I know. I am 26, and in the roughly 18 months I’ve been hanging out with these three white guys I know, I’ve been asked out by three different white guys, guys that are friends of my friends. And one of those guys I went out with is now my steady boo.

I’m not Beyonce and I’m not Paula Patton or Eve, either. I am not beautiful, I’m average looking. I’m thin (white guys like that), but other than that, I look like a lot of other black chicks. I’m just average.

I hear BW that want to meet white men say they want to meet white guys, but they can’t, but then, they’re never around any white people, so I don’t know they’re expecting to meet white guys that way. If all you’re around is black people, then all you’re going to meet is more black people, ladies.

Make friends with some white men, even if those guys are not guys you would want to date. Be seen with those white guys by other white guys, some of which you will want to date. This simple formula eluded me for a long time. It’s blindingly obvious once it’s obvious, right?

Put yourself in front of WM that are dating material by socializing with other white men. This really, really works. And, it also helps you get to know white guys a lot better so that when the “dating material” guy shows up, you are ready to communicate (wink) with him. You’ve already had your tutorial on white men, you’re ready to go.

And before any of you grow shy and dismiss your own chances, read the following two comments of encouragement.

The next is by the lovely sistahwuman with a wonderful relationship. (And I still want her man.)

sistahwuman says:

It’s been my experience that you just never know with WM in terms of which one will be open to dating a BW. I have always solved this problem by being open to any quality man, even if I thought the chances of him wanting to date IR were probably low. My current situation is a great example.

As I mentioned before, my boyfriend looks to be just about the whitest guy in the world. Nothing unusual about him, he dresses conservatively, he speaks like he came out of prep school, which he did, and he’s tall and good-looking, but in a low-key sort of way. And if you knew him, you would know that he drinks scotch straight up, smokes cigars, watches football, etc. Typical guy stuff, especially typical white guy stuff, but throw in the fact that he’s a handsome guy and doesn’t lack for offers of female company, also makes a good living at a stodgy old firm, and as a BW, you might say that your chances with such a guy are probably not great. He’s just too white! Am I right?

But, I made sure he knew I was interested in him. You can’t win if you don’t play, right, ladies? And much to my surprise, he responded to that interest immediately.

Here is something else: that calm exterior hides a hot, passionate nature underneath. Wow!

So, you just never know. My advice to all those BW considering an IR is to try not to knock anyone out of contention based on your initial perception of them. Obviously, some men will eliminate themselves immediately by saying or doing something stupid or disrespectful, but that happens across all races. No, I’m talking about the kind of guys that play it close to the vest, the ones that are laying back until they get a signal from you that it’s ok to approach you. All these other sisters know what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Most WM of any kind of substance are going to be cautious in their approach. So, all I’m saying is, your initial impression of his level of his real or potential interest in you may not be accurate – my man says he noticed me immediately and was quite attracted to me, but did nothing to alert me to that until he got the go-ahead from me in conversation.

Just sayin’.

You don’t have to be perfect to find the perfect situation.

Last, but not least, the wise words of magicwoman. You can never be too old. It’s never too late to start looking.

magicwoman says:

First of all, I am 44.

Second, in the interests of keeping it as real as possible here, I want to list all the cons that any honest BW would say I bring to the table in terms of a possible IR relationship:

I am 44.

I am a dark sister.

I am tall, 5′10″.

I wear my hair short and natural.

My financial situation is shaky and always has been.

I have a very large, surly black teenage son who resents any man that is around his mother.

I am smart, but I got an awful education. Sometimes it’s tough for me to participate in certain conversations because I just don’t know enough about the subject.

I have a large, goofy dog that flings himself at everyone he likes even a little bit.

Here are the pros:

I still have a great body, thank god. I am slim, but curvy. I hit the gym hard.

I have a wonderful smile, with dazzling white teeth.

I still have a pretty face.

I’m a nice person and people seem to be able to sense that.

I’m smart, even if not well-educated.

I like the same music most WM my age like – more important than you think.

I’m not a complainer or a whiner – WM love this.

I take of my man in every way possible, from the little things to the big things. What BM just expect, WM are always just surprised to get. My guy says he’s never felt so looked after in his whole life.

I have a big goofy dog that most WM like when the dog is not trying to lick them to death.

All I’m saying here is that whatever pros and cons come with you, as long as it’s an even contest (or maybe one or two more things in the pro column), you can find someone. You’re almost 40? So what!

You don’t think there is a white guy that is 40 years old that would like to meet, and then date, a wonderful, attractive sister? I can assure you, there are plenty.

Look at the drawbacks I’m working with here! Just my age and the fact that I have a large, unhappy-looking black teenage son in the house should be enough to send most white guys running for the hills.

But I found someone, someone I love very much and someone who loves me very much. He’s a huge white guy, a gentle giant that has a heart of gold. And, btw, the kid is starting to come around to him.

He’s told me that he wishes he had met me in his twenties because he’s never been so happy, and I feel the same exact way, but sometimes happiness doesn’t run on the schedule you prefer.

Sorry this has rambled on so long, but I guess my message to PhillyGirl is, whatever list of pluses and minuses you have for yourself, don’t write off your chances of finding love (and marriage, if you want it) with a WM. It can happen.

I couldn’t have said it better. {Virtual hugs for everyone!}

Happy white man hunting, ladies! Make me proud.

Comments

28 Responses to “For Black Women: White Men Hunting – Lesson Number 92”

Lisa
April 23rd, 2010 @ 8:18 PM

Cosign on what Anna said.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my sister and her friend say that they want to meet a hot white guy, but then, when I tell them to come with me to some get-together my guy (who is white) is having with his friends, they say, “No, I would feel too uncomfortable being the only black girl there”. I say, well, I’m there, too, and the reply is, “No, that doesn’t count because you’ll be with Andrew, and I’ll be by myself”.

So they want to meet a white guy, but they won’t actually get in front of a white guy and talk to him. What’s wrong with this picture?

It’s like they’re expecting a guy to just walk up to them in the street and introduce himself and then ask them out on a date. C’mon, right?

GoldenAh: I don’t know how we are afraid to be among white people when they still make up over 70% of the US population. That is the weirdest thing about these conversations.

Ladies need to realize that after a while they will get used to being the “only one”, or with one other black person. We’re stressing over this for no reason. I think what some ladies don’t understand is that there will always be a few whites, mostly men, who will take us under wing or shelter if they sense we are uncomfortable. After that you won’t even care what others are doing, because the only ones that count are the ones we know or are getting to know.

Man, I hope I wasn’t too wordy there. All I’m saying is don’t be afraid of the men – it’s in their nature to take care of you.

Thanks for stopping by.
Anna
April 24th, 2010 @ 12:05 PM

OMG, I can’t believe you featured my comment! It’s so flattering.

@Lisa – so typical, that response from your sister and her friend. You know, I love my sisters fiercely, but you can’t help but notice that a lot of BW just wish for something (a good man, a good car, a good job) and leave it at that.

They won’t go after it.

I work with all these Asian women, and you can really see they go after things hard. Including white men, y’all. LOL.

A black woman says, “I’ll pray on it”, or sighs and says, “Maybe someday”. To me, someday has always been right now. You’re looking at the calendar, but I’m looking at my watch!

Anyway, Lisa, glad you got yours and just the fact that your example and actions are in front of your sister will be a good thing for her.

GoldenAh: We’ve gotten indoctrinated with too much of the Christian belief in suffering and waiting on Jesus. A lot of us has taken it too far. Either we believe God loves us so much he’d like us to find men that treat us with devotion, love, and respect, or we continue to live life as the “cursed ones.”

I love good feedback. Your comment was so plainspoken and, along with the others, hit the nail on the head!

Yeah, Asian women don’t play. I’m still mystified by their demure stereotype. They are the fiercest women I’ve ever encountered, especially when it comes to the husband and kids. I respect them for that. Don’t get in their way. (There’s a clip on YouTube where one sh*tkicks the stuffing out of a sister. Truly badass. LOL.)
Sky
April 24th, 2010 @ 2:35 PM

I totally agree w/ the poster Anna. Even if you don’t have wm friends to hang out with, go to their venues. that alone shows interest. If you like club hopping(i’m in my 20′s) then go to a mixed club and chat up w/ some wm. It’s good practice and it’s fun!

And don’t walk in there thinking “im a black woman”, walk in there thinking “i am a beautiful, feminine, sweet, flirty woman”. Walk like you’re on a runway, smile like you won a million bucks!

GoldenAh: Sounds good to me. Thanks for stopping by.
just a little out there
April 24th, 2010 @ 5:37 PM

Golden Ah, I agree about the Asian women, I have seen it with my own eyes where they will just completely ignore an Asian guy to get to a WM.

They are very focused on dating white guys, so there is no denying that they have decided that there is a lot value to hed there. it’s weird, WW don’t even seem to care about it, ever. Here on the West Coast, you see AW-WM couples everywhere. AW are all about looking out for No. 1, and getting a good hiband, a good provider and a good father. And, hey, like you, I have to respect them for that.

Demure? Outwardly, yeah, very feminine. But they run their family and their household with authority. They definitely don’t play, as you stated.

They are successful, very successful, at achieving their goals for themselves and their families. To be truthful, BW could do pretty well by taking a few pages out of that book. Most BW have physical gifts that most AW can only DREAM about having, because BW “got curves” and men (all men, icluding WM) love curves.

BW just need tp put the other oieces of the puzzle in place, and WM would be falling all over them.

GoldenAh: Their priorities are: Who will serve me, and my future (or present) family’s interest the best? The out marriage rate hasn’t hurt Asian Men, because statistically they are the most married men in America. So that flips any idea that they are losing “their” women.

We should take a page out of anyone’s book who is doing it right.

Thanks for stopping by.
yellowmoon
April 26th, 2010 @ 10:38 AM

I agree with all the statements in the post – Anna’s, sistuhwumoan’s and magicwoman’s. And I agree because their statements mirror my personal experience.

Sistahwuman said it all when she wrote, “You can’t win if you don’t play, right, ladies”?

So many BW that say they’re interested in an IR relationship just expect that some white guy is going to drop out of the sky, land at their feet with a bouquet of roses, and say, “You are beautiful and everything I could ever want in a woman. Let’s get married. Today.”
GoldenAh: I’m picturing this. Hilarious.

And also, and I’ve seen this in person, the rare instances I could drag a friend of mine to an event or a thing like a party or a barbecue where there are a lot of cute, single white guys, my friend will just clam up, and stick to my side like glue. I’m introducing her to all of these nice guys I know, some of whom I know would be open to IR, since they told me that personally because they’re friends with my boyfriend, and she just won’t engage them in a conversation. I’m knocking myself out, making chitchat, trying to keep the conversation going, and she won’t say anything.

I’m like, girl, say something! You’re cute, you’re funny, say something!

Then, all the way back in the car, I gotta hear, “Oh, he was so foine.” I just want to shake her.

It’s not just one of my friends that has done this, this has happened with three different girlfriends of mine. Are these boys just supposed to read their minds and divine that this black girl is interested in them?

Ladies, the basic rules are the same. First, you have to meet a guy, you have to make contact somehow. Then, you have to actually talk to him, so you can see if there’s any interest on your part, and, so he can do the same from his end. You have to do both of those things before a date can happen. If you want to date a WM, and you never actually meet any white men, then just HOW is that going to happen? And if you actually get in front of a cute white guy, and you won’t talk to him, then exactly just what is he supposed to take away from that meeting?

My boyfriend’s buddies LOVE me. They just LOVE me. If I broke up with my boyfriend tomorrow (not gonna happen), I know I could go out with any of them the next week. I mean, provided the break-up was friendly. They’re all young guys in their mid-to-late twenties, college grads, some of them with MBAs and some of them from the Ivy League, a couple of them do creative-type work, some are in banking, etc. These are quality guys. They’ve asked me and him, “Any more like you (her) available?” And, for a couple of them, I KNOW I’m the first black chick they’ve ever really been friends with, so I’ve done the pioneer work with these guys, and all I’m trying to do now is help a couple of girlfriends follow me to these new lands as settlers, but my girls lack resolve.

It’s very frustrating.

GoldenAh: Uh oh, sounds like I gotta post a flirting or making conversation lesson sometime in the near-far future.

Flirting wasn’t my problem, keeping my hands to myself was. LOL. Don’t mind me….

Anyone else has any chatting and flirting advice: Let’s hear it!
yellowmoon
April 26th, 2010 @ 11:31 AM

BTW, one more thing. To add to the comment about AW, the Asian-Ammerican girlfriend of one of the guys brought her friend to a party a few months ago, and you guessed it, that woman is now dating one of the guys in a serious relationship. One time, one meeting, that’s all it took, and that guy asked for her phone number.

I saw it happen, she was really flirting with that guy, and things took their natural course, as things tend to do.

Still, I can’t help feeling like it was the same thing as releasing a shark into a tank of sea bass.

I wish my plans for my girls would work out like that plan worked out for her girl.

GoldenAh: I got it! We need a self-esteem boot camp! 5 things to say to yourself to make you feel invincible, super-attractive and hot! Or they need to make mingling a habit, until it breaks the self-doubt cycle. The more they do it, the less chance of staying silent on the sidelines.

Excellent feedback. Thanks for your contribution.
Lylah
April 26th, 2010 @ 2:23 PM

I think sometimes we get intimidated by certai conversations when there is no need to.

My girlfriend and I were talking to these two cute white guys at Borders, and I looked over at her and she had that deer in the headlights look, and I asked after they left what that was all about and she said he started talking about architecture. She doesn’t know anything about that.and neither do I, for that matter.

But, I said, so what, tell him you don’t know anything about it, but it interests you. Has there ever been a man born that doesn’t want to show a woman how much he knows? I mean, really.

We don’t think like that, though. We just go silent, or at best, just sort of nod and smile.

GoldenAh: I think that’s why I lingered a bit on hobbies in my other post, For Black Women: Why White Men are a Better Choice. You can almost be 99% sure he has a hobby or a specific interest. It’s great to ask him about it. That will carry a conversation anywhere, and when a sister feels comfortable she could talk about her love of any hobby, even if it’s shopping.

Yeah, guys love to talk about themselves, all we need is to feed them questions…

People, relax – it’s not judgment day. With some of my guy friends, it’s either science fiction, movies, woodworking, seeing plays, etc. that gets them going. With enough time we all find, and have, something in common.

Thanks for stopping by…..
LVH
April 29th, 2010 @ 9:37 AM

All great advice. I am also guilty of wishing white men would talk to me, notice me, and not making that happen by being around them, and putting myself in front of them so that they actually can notice me.

I don’t know any white guys to hang with, but I do know a lot of white girls from work, so maybe that’s another path to the same goal.

GoldenAh: No shame in being shy and quiet. I’m the most shy and quiet of them all. However, I like white men too much not to eyeball, smile, and say, “Hello.”

Join a few meetups or groups that have a high number of men. You don’t have to be an avid collector, hobbyist or sports-nut like some of them are.

And as always, if someone has better advice they are free to chime in.
Swirl Girl
May 1st, 2010 @ 2:50 AM

Good post

It’s not rocket science ladies. You’re not going to meet men of other races hanging out in black spots. Get out of your comfort zone and go to parties or events with a multicultural crowd. It’s been 6 years since I decided to broaden my dating with non-bm and all it took was kicking it in places with a variety of cultures. Smile, make eye contact, be yourself and if he likes you, he’ll pursue you. No one is saying you have to abandon the black community but explore other places. It’s a big world out there. Play in it!

GoldenAh: Aw yes. So true. The funny thing is there would be tons of black males at these “diverse” gatherings, and not another sister in sight. That tells you a lot right then and there.

Thanks for stopping by.
Marcus
May 23rd, 2010 @ 2:38 PM

Just a suggestion from a guy…travel. Go to Europe. Go to Australia (we don’t bight down here either…just the spiders do!!). Do something really radical and spend a month in India or Africa or China.

I travel the world a lot for work, and am always a little disappointed that I don’t meet many black American women. Traveling is such a great way of meeting and sharing really great experiences with lots of diverse and interesting people.

GoldenAh: I have wanted to go to Australia, and New Zealand, since my parents took me to Los Angeles for a vacation, and I couldn’t take my eyes off this hot, cowboy hat wearing, bowlegged man from New Zealand. So many places to go, so little time. Le sigh….

Oh, Marcus, thank you! thank you! thank you! for stopping by, and letting the ladies here know there are men who want to meet them!
Tracy
May 27th, 2010 @ 1:29 PM

Hey girl!

Amen on the travel tip – and learn some new languages! I always have to beat em off with a stick in England and Germany! Thanks again Marcus!

OK – this just happened not too long ago..

I was running a 5k (well, slow running, hobbling whatever) and wearing my favorite t shirt. The back says “Haha, you’re being outkicked by the Fat Girl!” It’s and old shirt..

Anyhoo, I’m running along and I notice that some (not all) bm would pass, make an effort to look me all crazy in the face and run on, like “hmmph, don’t think so.” Buuuutt, almost all of the wm’s would side up to me, smile, laff , make fun etc. They got the joke and more than a few told me that I was really not fat, which made my day!!

So, ladies, lots of nice guys on the running and race trails, get out there!! I’m tired of being the only one!! (Not really, more for me, but you get the idea…)…

GoldenAh: Hey Tracy, how you doing? Great to hear from you!

Germany, yay. I cannot wait to go back, whenever that happens! The few times I’ve been to Europe, I gotta say it, I finally feel like I’m around “normal” people. I can eat in whatever restaurant I want without being stared at. I can have white men talk to me (appreciating my hotness! tee hee hee!) without being “odd” about it. I understand the racial history here, so I’m not mad at anybody, but it’s more relaxed there to me. I feel more womanly and feminine.

Man, you can’t even run and have fun without some stick-in-the-muds, eh? You show ‘em you can do it though.

WM can be so nice…. One of the fringe benefits of a health club are the beef cakes walking around.
Queen
May 31st, 2010 @ 7:08 PM

@ Tracy, what is the deal with these brothas? SMH. It is good you got some love from vanilla crew! It is like I have learned, Go where you are celebrated not tolerated!
Gina
June 4th, 2010 @ 3:52 PM

Ladies, if you want to feel appreciated, go to Holland. My girlfriend and I spent a month there last year and the men in Holland are crazy for American black women. And, gurl, I mean crazy!

They luv a sistah over there, and the men are big and good-looking, too.

I’ve been keeping in touch with a guy there, and am going back to see him for the whole month of August. We are going to spemd time in Holland and Italy, and I can’t wait!

GoldenAh: Awesome! I loved Italy. You will too. Have a smashing great time.

I want to go back to Europe! Waaaa! Sob. Weep. Moan. Whimper.

Thanks for stopping by, Gina.
swirlsociety
September 20th, 2010 @ 1:11 PM

i have to agree that if your friends are white you will be asked out by more white men then you though possible.

i have been attracted to white men since school i am now engaged to an australian man who is the greatest and kindest person i have ever met i love the way he idolises over me and his passion for me and who i am is amazing.

i was asked how do i met a man like that by so many of my friends wanting to date outside our race so i started a free black women / white male website called swirl society for any women who wants and chooses to exercise her right to date whomever they want.

i have recieved hate male from black men a mile long but it only makes my resolve stronger to keep it going.

Shon
Los Angeles

GoldenAh: I’m wondering if the west coast is more receptive and a better environment for black women on the interracial front than the east. I’ve read more happy stories from LA women than ever. Or maybe that’s what I’m paying attention to.

I visited LA before, but I’m scared of the place. I’m used to NYC, where everything is easily reachable by mass transit and I know my good hoods from bad.

Thanks for dropping by Shon, don’t be a stranger.
Gary Bowden
September 20th, 2010 @ 4:11 PM

Speaking as a white male,I think some(maybe most)white guys are hesitant to go up to black females and start a conversation because they don’t know if they date interracially or not and are afraid they’ll get shot down or be told,What are you talking to me for?? It works both ways because either party doesn’t know just by looking at them that they date outside their race.We don’t have that Interracial-dar(kind of like gay-dar for us folks),if you know what I mean..I’ve been dating black females for over 29 years(was engaged once)and how I met them was either through an interracial dating club I joined or through a club I started myself(before the internet) or at work.

It’s hard to meet someone of the opposite race if you’re in small town,so you have to look elsewhere.If you know this is something you really believe in and you’re dating interracially for all the right reasons,then you’ll find that right person,even though it might take some time.Have to be patient..More power to those looking for Mr.Right or Miss Right and I want to wish all of you all the happiness and success you deserve.

GoldenAh: Yeah, imagine how we’d be regarded without our obnoxiously rude and loud lunatics? It’s a shame so much fear and misunderstanding gets in the way of potential relationships.

Wouldn’t it be cool if we had a certain hand signal, button, code word, or cute pin (like a black / white swirl on it) to let each other know we date interracially?

I love the idea of a secret society for black women and white men (plus other non-black men).

Thanks for stopping by, Gary, and providing us with some insight.
DiosaNegra
September 22nd, 2010 @ 3:10 PM

Online dating can be a chore, for sure! LOL… Some of these sites…I don’t know, ladies. I’m sure the organizers may have had good intentions, but a lot of them are chock full of guys definitely playing up the “jungle fever” thing (if you catch my drift)…Ugh!

If I look at a site and there are profiles with NO pictures…or there’s offensive pics (body parts, etc.)…I leave it alone. I know it’s hit or miss…but I’m determined to keep on going!
rita
April 5th, 2011 @ 5:20 PM

“GoldenAh: I’m picturing this. Hilarious.
And also, and I’ve seen this in person, the rare instances I could drag a friend of mine to an event or a thing like a party or a barbecue where there are a lot of cute, single white guys, my friend will just clam up, and stick to my side like glue. I’m introducing her to all of these nice guys I know, some of whom I know would be open to IR, since they told me that personally because they’re friends with my boyfriend, and she just won’t engage them in a conversation. I’m knocking myself out, making chitchat, trying to keep the conversation going, and she won’t say anything.”

I will go with you.

I will keep up my end of the convos (I have references, LOL).

I believe in supporting sisters who are generous with opportunity. For serious!

(From reading here, I think we’re in the same general geographic vicinity; you mentioned Jersey and NYC. So really, for serious. )

A lot of good advice here. I know a lot of it works, because I am actively dating — and that’s what I told my mama to tell her friends with sons who have single friends, LOL — and men apparently prefer women who are ‘in demand’ — but I haven’t found the key that will turn the permanent lock, ’cause I’m still trying to maneuver around that “I” word (“intimidating” – ugh).

Apparently that’s what you get when you graduate top of your class as the only GOC in a majority-white environment.

(And all the time you think you’re doing right. Sigh.)

GoldenAh: The advice is helpful, but like everything sometimes it’s a matter of luck, but the key thing is you are prepared and you’re open to a good relationship.

Welcome aboard, Rita!
rita
April 5th, 2011 @ 5:21 PM

P.S. Thank you so much for the post.

GoldenAh: You’re welcome. There were more I planned, but I got distracted and it’s hard to follow up sometimes.
Cara
December 31st, 2011 @ 5:01 PM

For Black Women: White Men Hunting – Lesson Number 92.

Hi, GoldenAh. I just found this site. So I hope you’re still responding to new posts. It was so nice to read Magicwoman’s story. I’m 48. I’m 5’4″ with carmel/med complexion, and average looking. I’m about a size 8 or 10, so I’m not skinny. I look like I’m in my 30′s, and college degree, and have a high salary. I just don’t know where to meet guys. I’ve always been attracted to WM and have never been ashamed to admit this to my family (who probably would love to see me involved with a man of any color at this point in my life). One might think it’s easy to meet someone in the DC metro area. But, I haven’t found this to the case, even in a mixed church. I don’t have girlfriends who know anyone. And my workspace has few men, let alone eligible ones. I’m considering going to the Internet. But I’m very nervous about it.

Thank you.

Still hopeful.
Cara

BTW, where do I find the other “91″ lessons for white men hunting?! LOL

GoldenAh: Nothing frightens me more than writing dating advice. It has to be tongue-in-cheek style, ’cause who knows how we end up in a relationship? One day I’m single, the next day I have a boyfriend, next day I may not. Don’t really know how it happened. But we can all recall where and when we met our partners. So it starts there.

Get out of the house, make friends with men (or women with decent male relatives), and don’t hesitate to try out some of my listed date links. I am also cautious about online dating. Back in the 1990s early 2000, it was easier, because only the technically proficient and more honest people got online. Today, it’s no different than entering a bar and seeing the general population. Not to scare you, but just keep your wits about you. Remain skeptical, if he sounds too good to be true – he probably is.

Yet, it doesn’t hurt to try it out.

And I recommend travel. I know it sounds hokey, but even taking a spin to a different location (bring an open minded friend) helps. You enjoy yourself, you relax, and you keep your options open.

Now, all I have to do is follow my own advice.

Good luck, Cara. Thank you for stopping by, and I promise I’ll try to put together another “dating” guide in the future. I’ve been meaning to for a while.
Tarzan
February 12th, 2012 @ 11:01 PM

Inter-racial dating websites is a good place. I met a beautiful Black Woman. It took a while to find a woman I like and she liked me, but all websites will be like that as well.

GoldenAh: Thanks for the tip, Tarzan.
bierbasstard
August 27th, 2012 @ 2:19 PM

Ladies, we are out there. Especially us older gentlemen. I just turned 46 and my fiancée to be is 49. This has, unfortunate ly, taken 10+ years to come to fruition. Both of us shy, not sure if the other was interested. Me: what would she want with a long haired white guy?!? She: he wouldn’t be interested in black girls… and we were in relationships. I had a girlfriend, she had rings. Yet we smiled and talked a little when our paths crossed. Earlier this year i grabbed a service ticket for her bldg. and was finally bold enough to offer her my number. We started talking and texting, a learning curve for us both since neither had done it before. We learned each other, were surprised by things never thought possible. We have so much in common. Star Trek nerds, love of all types of music, common goals and desires. So much was there right before us but we. were both, nervious to try.

GoldenAh: Sweet! This is great, especially the ages you both are! I’ve gotten women writing and asking if 38+ years is too late. No one is ever too old. We all deserve to be happy.

She smiled. And you realized it was worth giving it a try. Love this.

Thank you so much for your story, Bierbasstard. May you both have a beautiful life together.
steannie
February 12th, 2013 @ 10:28 PM

Hi im a white male and I just wanted to say I am so glad i stumbled across this page! Lol Ive always liked BW but like most guys (and even the girls here) I never could bring myself to take a risk and engage the woman thats piqued my interests. The fear of being rejected or or not knowing how they felt towards IR definately was a big issue. This page has helped me learn the cues now. Im very friendly with a certain BW at work and we get along great, after reading this page and seeing some of the nuances used im fairly sure she likes me too thanks to you guys ima take a risk tomorrow!

Also I want share a past experience with you guys that haunts me nearly everyday. When I was in highschool I met this beautfil black girl that ima call blueeyes (she wore colored contacts). But anyways we became close friends my freshman year an ended up having classes together all the way up to our senior year. We always flirted with each other alot now that I reflect on it but I had the biggest crush on her. I never did bring myself to asking her out for reasons i dont understand now lol. But anyways I ended up moving from NC to OH mid year of my senior year. The last day I attended school before I left she pulled me aside and told me she has always had a crush on me an she regrets never hooking up then planted a kiss on me! I was so shocked I couldnt even move… I guess she got embarassed an took off. I chased her down once my senses kicked in and told her how I felt an we passionately kissed. We both laughed at how ignorant we were an at how shy we had been because of simple misunderstandings.
Anyways the reason i shared this is because for you guys an girls out there it doesnt always work like a fairytale, if you want something you gotta make it happen! I still think about blueeyes to this day and its been 5 years!!

GoldenAh: Hello Steannie! Thanks for stopping by. I really am glad that you were able to gather some knowledge and information from the post(s). I always appreciate it when the men stop in and give us feedback. Everyone is worried about the pain of rejection, and it’s more fraught with the extra baggage of “race.” Issues are complicated enough between men and women without that being included, but it is what it is, although I wish it weren’t.

At least you were able to establish a connection with your gf in High School. That in itself is one of the sweetest things I’ve read. There are so many opportunities that people miss in not sharing their feelings at all.

I think if it’s going good and you feel comfortable with a certain lovely woman, go for it. I wish you much luck and happiness.
BTDT
February 17th, 2013 @ 6:32 PM

What utter nonsense! Why do people always have to make dating so doggone complicated? This idea of “hunting” is not only disrespectful, it’s not realistic. If a white guy likes you, he’ll approach you with NO NEED for games from you! I’m 52 and all but four men in my romantic life have been white. It just happened, no games, no ‘hunting’ or anything else. Do you want to be seen as ‘prey’ or have games played with you? Then don’t do it to the men, regardless of race.

GoldenAh: Based on your nutty little blurb, I can tell you only read the headline, but not the contents. What the comments in the post stated was pretty much what you said. And this was a continuing discussion, hence the label #92.

I used “hunting” in the title for some levity and humor. Although seeing as how you are one of those rude and stupid know-it-alls, with poor comprehension and reading skills, please do me a favor and get lost.

I’m done explaining what is clearly written in plain English. Some of you people need to get off your damn high horses. This fake outrage over nothing is tiresome.
rowdyspice
February 26th, 2013 @ 9:28 PM

I am a 40 yr old black female an I away like white men.But wen they ask me out they don’t want to be in a relationship the say they just like to have sex with a black woman.I find that disrespectful u r willing to lay down with a black woman but don’t want to be seen in public with one r what they family,and friends think.I feel if u like that person and u want to be with that person u shouldn’t care what people think because u not loving them.I still like white men and still looking for that wright one who don’t care what people think because it’s about love.

GoldenAh: I have yet to meet / date a guy who doesn’t want to have sex (white, Asian, Latino, etc). Usually if he asks for sex and I’m offended it’s because I think he’s homely, if he’s hot, I’m flattered.

Men have bigger heads than women, because half of their brain is devoted to thinking about sex. And their little head have been know to overrule the big one.

It may sound trite, but it does take time to find the right guy. If he’s a guy at work asking you out at lunch, that’s a good start. The online dating isn’t as easy as it used to be. Heck, dating certainly isn’t. No one means what they say at all. It is tough.

Good luck, Rowdyspice. Thanks for stopping by and chiming in.
Dreamy
March 12th, 2013 @ 6:36 PM

You hit the nail on the head!

Although I am attracted to men of all races, I only dated black men in the past because I only hung out in predominately black neighborhoods. Mainly because my friends didnt feel comfortable about being around WP but I went to a diverse high school and college so my experience with other races is different from theirs. When I moved to a predominately white city (and by predominate I mean hardly any black people anywhere!!!) I made friends who were both males and females of different races. White men just approached me with quite ease actually. They didnt seem hesitant either, they quickly complimented me and asked me out on dates with no problem.

Its all about how comfortable you are with yourself! I am always the only black girl around but it never bothers me because I am comfortable in my skin no matter where I am. If anything, it makes me stand out because I am attractive and exotic and unique.

There is some sort of weird myth that WM dont like BW and vice versa but that is so far from the truth. Alot of my black female friends think so and that is why they dont try because they think WM dont like them. They also think WM are bad in bed and that is an even bigger myth, probably the biggest of them all!!!!

I always get approached by WM. Its all about location and commonalities. If you are a cultured BW who lives in a more diverse community than your chances of entering into a IR will triple. Its that simple! There are no tricks or tips, you just need to explore more diverse places.

And remember…we are all people! We just all want to be loved and appreciated no matter the color.

Dreamy

GoldenAh: Thanks for stopping by and adding this comment, Dreamy! Couldn’t have said it better. We cannot meet anyone hanging around the same neighborhood, it takes getting around to make it happen. It does take a bit of time to adjust if we’re coming from a minority-majority area to one that has a lot more whites, but like everything else we get used to it and don’t even think anything of it. It’s all about adjusting to our environment, which nearly all everyone can do quite easily.
MissyC
March 26th, 2013 @ 12:35 AM

So true. I am a black woman who has had NO problems attracting men of any race and that includes white men. First of all you have to be comfortable around men of different races. If you hang around where WM are, they will come.

I had a year long relationship with a wm who you’d think was the most hillbilly guy you’d ever meet. But I loved that guy and he loved me. He was cute in a quirky way, and once we got together he would always tell me I was so beautiful and he was lucky that I even spoke to him and acknowledged him.

If you like the things WM like (not pretending), they are very open. My man was very proud to walk with me down the street in public, with a BIG grin on his face. We liked the same music, games, t.v. shows, and we had mutual hobbies that we did whenever we had free time. Stop being afraid! Talk to them like they are BM that you’re interested in.

And yes you will have some that just want to have sex and not a relationship, but the same thing goes on with BM that tried to “holla” and wanted me to sleep with them only too.

Simple things you can do: Smile! You’d be surprised at how well this works. I’ve had WM put instantly at ease by my smile and friendliness.

Talk to them. Very easy. Find a common point and talk to them about it. It’s not hard to be friendly!

Know when they are flirting with you. This one is a little tricky because a lot of WM (except the guys that have dated black women before) are shy and definitely don’t want to put their neck out there if you’re going to cut them down.

There are some duds out there like every race, but if you do some of these things you’d be surprised who is receptive to dating BW including WM who never dated black women (like my ex).

GoldenAh: Wonderful points and advice, MissyC. Thank you. It is best to keep it simple and not complicated. We make ourselves nervous and unapproachable overthinking it.
Dreadnaught
March 27th, 2013 @ 1:35 PM

Ladies, Like Pink Floyd, almost of us like Pink Floyd
john
May 17th, 2013 @ 2:09 AM

White Men hunting?

Damn, white girls better watch out, black women are going to steal all of us away.