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For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha”

Posted on | May 5, 2010 | 72 Comments

When a white man is buddies with a “brotha”, I know I don’t want him. The white guy doesn’t have to “hate” black men, but if he’s one of those white guys who feels like he needs to have street cred, or likes to call black men “brothas”, then I don’t wanna see ya. I want a guy who is “white.” He must be all the whiteness he can be: Abercrombie and Fitch, Brooks Brothers type of man, yo.

So if a white man is getting even within firing range of the toxic zone misogynistic mentality of some of these black male cretins, that tells me his mind is getting polluted with vicious anti-bw propaganda. And I’ve met my share who wanna be down with the homies.

Oh, hell no. Go away.

Why?

Well, looky-looky here. I want to bring your attention to this comment by Paul G. all excerpted from Clutch online. His comment is part of the article: The View From the Other Room: What White Men Think About Dating Black Women.

By the way, I rarely read their comments section, it’s always the same eight people.

Here’s what Paul G. said about black women (the brackets are my comments):

It’s not the media that scares me away from not wanting to date a black women, it’s black men that make me think differently.

[GoldenAh: Are you really this simpleminded?]

I say that to say this, and I’m only giving you my observation… I see a lot of black men running around with a white girl on their arm, which is fine, but when I’ve sat down with brothers and asked them why they don’t like dating black women, they always have something negative to say about you guys, whether it be your attitude, your jealousy, or the thought that you guys want to play the man of the house. I don’t need to watch to TV to see what I can see when I walk down the block. But I don’t have to buy into that either, which I don’t, but I am aware of what’s being said about yall by your own men.

[GoldenAh: They are not my men, or our men. And that, dear Sir, is the problem right there.]

It’s a shame to see that. – Paul G.

I don’t know the man. I’ve skimmed over the comments of all of the white guys whose comments make up part of the article. But this guy’s words hung around like an eye stinging fart in an elevator.

It just reads like, “Who you goin’ to believe? Me or your lying eyes?” (Richard Pryor).

Remember that song, “Don’t ask my neighbor, come to me”? Well, my advice is, if you want to know about black women: come talk to us. The “brothas” hate their own mothers and sisters, that should tell you everything what’s wrong with them.

A guy like Paul G. can continue to stay far far away from black women, because he values the words of anti-bw misogynists over valuing us as just women. The guy is a coward, plain and simple. He, too, is a sexist racist. That’s my take. He can dress it up in blaming how “da brothas” around him talk their crap, or whatever negativity he’s looking for in the media, but at the end of the day: he is taking heed.

If you wanted to know the kind of white guys to stay away from, Paul G. fits the profile.

I ain’t mad at the dude, he’s made me realize how poisonous and evil these negroes are.

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72 Responses to “For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha””

  1. Addy
    May 5th, 2010 @ 12:29 PM

    His comment stood out. It reminds me of this blog I used to subscribe to (and promptly unsubscribed to) that had white men talking about black women and going on dates with them. And usually these white men (or white man) were the same white dudes that I wouldn’t go near. They were like black guys in white makeup or something…they had “swagger” and I remember one saying how he didn’t like black women that “acted white” in order to attract white men…which was hypocritical and insulting to say the least. I’ve never been attracted to guys with “swagger” or who hung with “brothas” no matter what their race or ethnicity.

    GoldenAh: I don’t like that “swagger” business myself.

    You hit the nail on the head: if we don’t like hood behavior in black males, we’re certainly not going to like it in a white guy.

    Thanks for stopping by. 😀

  2. jellytight
    May 5th, 2010 @ 3:27 PM

    I’m friends with a couple of black guys and I have been for around 21 years, and I’m white and I’m dating a black women, and yeah, I’ve heard those things that black guys say about black women. Pretty rough.

    But, I never did believe it, all that ugly chatter. Like I said, I know these guys, and I like them, but I’ve never thought any of them were exactly Einsteins. All three of them have a list of real or imagined slights and insults from black women (and other people) that they are resentful about, so I always just chalked it up to their list of greivances they had overall.

    I’m not a “yo’ boy”, I have no interest in looking, speaking, or acting black. I’m happy being a white man. I can tell with absolute certainty that my girlfriend is very happy with being a black woman. And we are very happy with each other. We don’t share skin pigmentation, but we are so simpatico in almost everything else.

    So, sure, there are probably some white guys that listen to, and believe, the awful things most black guys say about the sisters, but I think moost white men are more discerning in terms of the subject of black women, and what they take in and absorb about the sisters.

    Just my thoughts.

    BTW, great blog. Never ran across it before.

    GoldenAh: {Scratching my head.} Lemme see if I get this: You are friends with men who pretty much admit they hate black women? And for the 21 years that you’ve known them, they’ve felt entirely free to be in your company and condemn us to hell? Hmm. So you didn’t, and don’t, defend us? You don’t let ’em know that you don’t appreciate their “ugly chatter”? So you let it go as being a black thing? Or a bitter dumb black guy thing? Interesting. You do realize these guys are no different than white supremacists? Would you be friends with them too? Just asking. Not accusing.

    I wouldn’t be surprised that with all the hate talk – they are taking it out on black women. ‘Cause one bad turn doesn’t happen without the other. Trust. If they are talking ugly, they are doing much worse.

    Do me a favor, love, next time one of them starts with the hateful anti-bw chatter, tell them to STFU. It would be much appreciated.

    Thanks for stopping by! You comments were appreciated. 🙂

  3. jellytight
    May 5th, 2010 @ 6:36 PM

    I think I should have given more detail.

    First, these guys are friends, not good friends. They’re not over at my house every week.

    Second, I am friends with people whose views in certain areas are diametrically opposed to mine. We might match up on 80% and be way, way off on the other 20%. As an example, I have a friend of mine who expresses the view that, “Sarah Palin seems pretty smart to me. Why does everyone pick on her?” I don’t yell at him anymore, I just sigh heavily and shake my head. And don’t even get me started on the wildly opposing views of things some of my family members have compared to my views on the same subject. Still, I abide.

    Third, I just started dating a black woman (first time ever dating a black woman, which is why I am on these interracial dating sites) not even a year ago. Candidly, I didn’t know enough about black women previous to this moment to feel that I could refute what they were saying with any kind of informed point of view. As you can see, though, the bad magic did not seem to affect my choice of significant other. I was always skeptical, but I had no experience in this area and certainly no reference point. Obviously, I do now.

    It bears noting that since my girlfriend and I have become an item, that rhetoric about black women has vaporized into thin air, without me making any sort of announcement about it.

    BUT, if it does by chance occur again, I will remind them that they are talking about the woman I love, and that they need to STFU, as you so succinctly expressed. I just have a feeling, though, that nothing like that will ever be said around me again. Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t be repeating it to someone else. I realize that, and I know the right thing to do would be to take them aside for some personal counseling on this subject. And, yeah, I’ll do that at some point, and after that, I will have one less friend, but, c’est la vie.

    And, ladies, this is only sort of on subject, but I have to tell you that a couple of the guys I know (yeah, white guys) have asked my girlfriend about her best friend (yeah, black woman) that they’ve met when she’s been with her, so there is interest there. A couple of my friends are pretty much infatuated with my girl, I guess that makes her the traiblazer for interracial dating among this particular small group of guys.

    Her friend is not having any of it, though. She says she could see herself with a Latino guy, but not a white guy.

    GoldenAh: Hmmm. Oh my. Love, you are so smooth…. {Smooches on both your cheeks, and a hard virtual hug.}

    I bet, she can’t win an argument with you, eh? LOL. 😀

    Yeah, you know how to handle a sistah…. 😀

    Thanks so much for the clarification. 😛

  4. Destini
    May 6th, 2010 @ 9:06 AM

    Cosign with that, the very last thing I want in a white man is a guy who admires any black man or takes seriously the crap that leaks outta their mouths.

    If there was a store where you could order up a white guy, I’d tell the man behind the counter to give me the “whitest guy you got”.

    GoldenAh: Oh, man. That’s funny. 😀 If he likes Denzel Washington, that’s okay. Lil Wayne, uh, no way.

    Yes, it’s disturbing if white men want to know about black women and they ask their black male buddy. Big mistake. A lot of these black males have no class at all. Instead of saying, “Talk to them yourself,” they vomit all their vileness over black women.

    Thanks for stopping by. 😀

  5. Selena
    May 6th, 2010 @ 12:37 PM

    Excellent post Goldenah,

    It reminds me of a similar conversation I had with my sister a couple of weeks ago (she’s still holding out for a brotha).

    I told her look, I’m not into white guys that listen to straight hip-hop or possess any type of so-called swagger. If I wanted a guy with swagger, I’d date a black guys.

    Then there as this eery akward silence between us lol.

    GoldenAh: LOL. I just don’t get the pull of “swagger”. It doesn’t pay the rent, raise children, keep neighborhoods stable, start profitable companies, or build nations. Oh well.

    Thanks for stopping by Selena. 😀

  6. Destini
    May 6th, 2010 @ 4:20 PM

    Yeah, well, obviously if he admires Denzel or MLK or Thurgood Marshall, yeah. Those men are worth your admiration. I used too broad a brush there.

    I meant if he considers any advice from the homeboys to be of value. These guys in the hood that know EVERYTHING there is to know (all bad, naturally) about “their” black women, and do their best to poison the well for any other man other than a black man that might be interested in a black woman.

    Yeah, BRO, lemme help you and tell you all abouts these bitches, cuz you white and this is a whole new world for you, nome sane?

    GoldenAh: No, you didn’t use too broad brush. We’re sensitive to the “hate black men” label and criticism, but they are free to call us all manner of things to the world. No worries here. Say what you will.

    LOL. The last line is hilarious. I mean, who’s listening to that nonsense, and taking it seriously? 🙂

    They’re afraid of us turning our fierce loyalty, “ride or die” attitude, and affection to white men…. ’cause everybody knows the truth is that black women give over 110% to their relationships.

  7. Oshun/Aphrodite
    May 7th, 2010 @ 7:41 PM

    I hate that term and any WM that emulates a BM is in need of serious, deep, long term therapy.
    GoldenAh: I dunno know, but I thought of that rap, “Ice Ice Baby.” Vanilla Ice, anyone? 😀

    When a BW announces that she wants her some “swag” she is saying I am hood, low class, ghetto and I need a man who is exactly like me. I need a man who mirrors me and will not force me to grow. Its a class issue. Swag fits into the ABC* model of acting black + jacked up notions of masculinity.
    GoldenAh: So it’s a hoodrat mating call? 😛

    I am cosigning with Destini. I want the whitest one in the store too.
    GoldenAh: I could see myself shopping there with you ladies. 🙂

    That is it in a nutshell.

    GoldenAh: Amen. Always glad to get feedback from you Oshun/Aphrodite. Cheers. 😀

    *ABC – for those who don’t know it stands for “Acting Black Crew.” I’m not sure who came up with the term.

  8. Phoebe
    May 7th, 2010 @ 10:50 PM

    LOL! If only there was a store like that!

    I like that classic Brooks Brothers look, too. That’s what I’d order. A tall handsome white guy in a Brooks Brothers suit. I don’t even care if he has much money, just enough is fine, as long as he has perfect manners, is smart, and loves him some chocolate after dinner every night.

    Day-ummmm! That’s what I’m saying!

    GoldenAh: LOL. 🙂 If he’s a bit of car aficionado that’s a bonus! Makes me miss the days I’d be in lower Manhattan near Wall Street. Eye candy all day long.

    Thanks for stopping by. 😀

  9. goodnplenty
    May 8th, 2010 @ 8:22 AM

    Yeah, our brothers, always looking out for us, always bragging on us to everyone. NOT.

    What is it that makes them trash the sisters so bad? Is it anger? Is it resentment?
    Is it just a basic lack of respect, do they consider us a different class of human? I wonder is really driving all of those truly awful things they say about us.

    GoldenAh: Unfortunately, most, if not all, black males are the truest believers in misogynistic white supremacy. They enjoy “enforcing” the rule in this fashion: men on top, women on bottom. Since these black males believe black men are second to last on the racial hierarchy “totem pole”, guess who they believe should stay at the very bottom under them?

    That’s why I don’t pay them any mind. It’s their own inferiority they are broadcasting to the world. We have next to nothing to do with their issues. If they think they are gaining the respect of white men (or of any race) with the black women bashing games, they are fooling themselves.

    So don’t worry about it. We cannot “cure”, “fix”, or “heal” them. It’s best to run and take shelter elsewhere. The only thing we need worry about is our own personal safety and mental health, and keeping them far far away from us. We don’t need them to have decent, fulfilling lives – and they know it, because there are many, many, many other men to appreciate and consider. And who appreciate us! 🙂

    Thanks for the input and stopping by. 😀

  10. Queen
    May 8th, 2010 @ 6:13 PM

    Great comments!! I agree I am not interested in the WM with the “Swagger” like Kevin Federline who dumped his pregnant girlfriend Shar Jackson for Brittney Spears. He has fully taken on that mentality.

    These “Put downs” that the “brothas” try to poison WM with in regards to us I believe it not just becasue of their own bitterness, but they selfishly do not want to see us happy or with white men (if we choose).
    GoldenAh: True. But not just bitter: jealous. Proves how pathetic they are.

    They say it is “for our protection” (HA!)And the ironic thing is that they don’t want us for themselves, but they don’t want to see us with anyone else either. Like they want to keep us “on ice” to be at their disposal while they wait for the woman they “WANT”

    Case in point, a friend of mine ( I will call her “K”) was at dinner with one of her friends (an AA man) and an IR couple walked in (BW/WM). They were seated near K and her friend and were talking about their upcoming vacation. K said it was apparent that they were in love and she could tell the man adored her; he was super attentive to his wife (K said the sistah had a huge rock on her hand, lol).

    Anyhow, her friend was annoyed at the site of this couple. She asked him what his problem was. He told her that the white guy had a lot of “nerve” being with one of “his” black sistahs. So my friend asked him if she were alone would he ask her out he said “naw, she is not my type”. K asked him to explain he told K that he prefers the athletic type (this sistah was curvy). TRANSLATION: He liked skinny women. Anyhow, K told him since he had no interest in this woman, why did he care who she was with? He never really explained his reason, but continued to make comments throughout the evening.

    It seems that some AA men would rather see a BW alone than with a QUALITY man of another race
    . SAD! And many of us have bought into it and are still alone (not me, I WOKE UP). “I would rather be with a quality white (Asian, Latino, etc.) man that ADORES me than a AA man that disrespects and IGNORES me.”

    GoldenAh: I also think they feel invited by the “Sista Soldiers” to regard black women (who don’t know them from Adam) as being any of their business. Well, we are not. We have the right to be left alone to be with whomever we want to be.

    Interesting story. Thanks for the input. 🙂



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