For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha”

70 Responses to “For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha””

1. Addy
   May 5th, 2010 @ 12:29 PM

   His comment stood out. It reminds me of this blog I used to subscribe to (and promptly unsubscribed to) that had white men talking about black women and going on dates with them. And usually these white men (or white man) were the same white dudes that I wouldn’t go near. They were like black guys in white makeup or something…they had “swagger” and I remember one saying how he didn’t like black women that “acted white” in order to attract white men…which was hypocritical and insulting to say the least. I’ve never been attracted to guys with “swagger” or who hung with “brothas” no matter what their race or ethnicity.

   GoldenAh: I don’t like that “swagger” business myself.

   You hit the nail on the head: if we don’t like hood behavior in black males, we’re certainly not going to like it in a white guy.

   Thanks for stopping by.

2. jellytight
   May 5th, 2010 @ 3:27 PM

   I’m friends with a couple of black guys and I have been for around 21 years, and I’m white and I’m dating a black women, and yeah, I’ve heard those things that black guys say about black women. Pretty rough.

   But, I never did believe it, all that ugly chatter. Like I said, I know these guys, and I like them, but I’ve never thought any of them were exactly Einsteins. All three of them have a list of real or imagined slights and insults from black women (and other people) that they are resentful about, so I always just chalked it up to their list of greivances they had overall.

   I’m not a “yo’ boy”, I have no interest in looking, speaking, or acting black. I’m happy being a white man. I can tell with absolute certainty that my girlfriend is very happy with being a black woman. And we are very happy with each other. We don’t share skin pigmentation, but we are so simpatico in almost everything else.

   So, sure, there are probably some white guys that listen to, and believe, the awful things most black guys say about the sisters, but I think moost white men are more discerning in terms of the subject of black women, and what they take in and absorb about the sisters.

   Just my thoughts.

   BTW, great blog. Never ran across it before.

   GoldenAh: {Scratching my head.} Lemme see if I get this: You are friends with men who pretty much admit they hate black women? And for the 21 years that you’ve known them, they’ve felt entirely free to be in your company and condemn us to hell? Hmm. So you didn’t, and don’t, defend us? You don’t let ‘em know that you don’t appreciate their “ugly chatter”? So you let it go as being a black thing? Or a bitter dumb black guy thing? Interesting. You do realize these guys are no different than white supremacists? Would you be friends with them too? Just asking. Not accusing.

   I wouldn’t be surprised that with all the hate talk – they are taking it out on black women. ‘Cause one bad turn doesn’t happen without the other. Trust. If they are talking ugly, they are doing much worse.

   Do me a favor, love, next time one of them starts with the hateful anti-bw chatter, tell them to STFU. It would be much appreciated.

   Thanks for stopping by! You comments were appreciated.

3. jellytight
   May 5th, 2010 @ 6:36 PM

   I think I should have given more detail.

   First, these guys are friends, not good friends. They’re not over at my house every week.

   Second, I am friends with people whose views in certain areas are diametrically opposed to mine. We might match up on 80% and be way, way off on the other 20%. As an example, I have a friend of mine who expresses the view that, “Sarah Palin seems pretty smart to me. Why does everyone pick on her?” I don’t yell at him anymore, I just sigh heavily and shake my head. And don’t even get me started on the wildly opposing views of things some of my family members have compared to my views on the same subject. Still, I abide.

   Third, I just started dating a black woman (first time ever dating a black woman, which is why I am on these interracial dating sites) not even a year ago. Candidly, I didn’t know enough about black women previous to this moment to feel that I could refute what they were saying with any kind of informed point of view. As you can see, though, the bad magic did not seem to affect my choice of significant other. I was always skeptical, but I had no experience in this area and certainly no reference point. Obviously, I do now.

   It bears noting that since my girlfriend and I have become an item, that rhetoric about black women has vaporized into thin air, without me making any sort of announcement about it.

   BUT, if it does by chance occur again, I will remind them that they are talking about the woman I love, and that they need to STFU, as you so succinctly expressed. I just have a feeling, though, that nothing like that will ever be said around me again. Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t be repeating it to someone else. I realize that, and I know the right thing to do would be to take them aside for some personal counseling on this subject. And, yeah, I’ll do that at some point, and after that, I will have one less friend, but, c’est la vie.

   And, ladies, this is only sort of on subject, but I have to tell you that a couple of the guys I know (yeah, white guys) have asked my girlfriend about her best friend (yeah, black woman) that they’ve met when she’s been with her, so there is interest there. A couple of my friends are pretty much infatuated with my girl, I guess that makes her the traiblazer for interracial dating among this particular small group of guys.

   Her friend is not having any of it, though. She says she could see herself with a Latino guy, but not a white guy.

   GoldenAh: Hmmm. Oh my. Love, you are so smooth…. {Smooches on both your cheeks, and a hard virtual hug.}

   I bet, she can’t win an argument with you, eh? LOL.

   Yeah, you know how to handle a sistah….

   Thanks so much for the clarification.

4. Destini
   May 6th, 2010 @ 9:06 AM

   Cosign with that, the very last thing I want in a white man is a guy who admires any black man or takes seriously the crap that leaks outta their mouths.

   If there was a store where you could order up a white guy, I’d tell the man behind the counter to give me the “whitest guy you got”.

   GoldenAh: Oh, man. That’s funny. If he likes Denzel Washington, that’s okay. Lil Wayne, uh, no way.

   Yes, it’s disturbing if white men want to know about black women and they ask their black male buddy. Big mistake. A lot of these black males have no class at all. Instead of saying, “Talk to them yourself,” they vomit all their vileness over black women.

   Thanks for stopping by.

5. Selena
   May 6th, 2010 @ 12:37 PM

   Excellent post Goldenah,

   It reminds me of a similar conversation I had with my sister a couple of weeks ago (she’s still holding out for a brotha).

   I told her look, I’m not into white guys that listen to straight hip-hop or possess any type of so-called swagger. If I wanted a guy with swagger, I’d date a black guys.

   Then there as this eery akward silence between us lol.

   GoldenAh: LOL. I just don’t get the pull of “swagger”. It doesn’t pay the rent, raise children, keep neighborhoods stable, start profitable companies, or build nations. Oh well.

   Thanks for stopping by Selena.

6. Destini
   May 6th, 2010 @ 4:20 PM

   Yeah, well, obviously if he admires Denzel or MLK or Thurgood Marshall, yeah. Those men are worth your admiration. I used too broad a brush there.

   I meant if he considers any advice from the homeboys to be of value. These guys in the hood that know EVERYTHING there is to know (all bad, naturally) about “their” black women, and do their best to poison the well for any other man other than a black man that might be interested in a black woman.

   Yeah, BRO, lemme help you and tell you all abouts these bitches, cuz you white and this is a whole new world for you, nome sane?

   GoldenAh: No, you didn’t use too broad brush. We’re sensitive to the “hate black men” label and criticism, but they are free to call us all manner of things to the world. No worries here. Say what you will.

   LOL. The last line is hilarious. I mean, who’s listening to that nonsense, and taking it seriously?

   They’re afraid of us turning our fierce loyalty, “ride or die” attitude, and affection to white men…. ’cause everybody knows the truth is that black women give over 110% to their relationships.

7. Oshun/Aphrodite
   May 7th, 2010 @ 7:41 PM

   I hate that term and any WM that emulates a BM is in need of serious, deep, long term therapy.
   GoldenAh: I dunno know, but I thought of that rap, “Ice Ice Baby.” Vanilla Ice, anyone?

   When a BW announces that she wants her some “swag” she is saying I am hood, low class, ghetto and I need a man who is exactly like me. I need a man who mirrors me and will not force me to grow. Its a class issue. Swag fits into the ABC* model of acting black + jacked up notions of masculinity.
   GoldenAh: So it’s a hoodrat mating call?

   I am cosigning with Destini. I want the whitest one in the store too.
   GoldenAh: I could see myself shopping there with you ladies.

   That is it in a nutshell.

   GoldenAh: Amen. Always glad to get feedback from you Oshun/Aphrodite. Cheers.

   *ABC – for those who don’t know it stands for “Acting Black Crew.” I’m not sure who came up with the term.

8. Phoebe
   May 7th, 2010 @ 10:50 PM

   LOL! If only there was a store like that!

   I like that classic Brooks Brothers look, too. That’s what I’d order. A tall handsome white guy in a Brooks Brothers suit. I don’t even care if he has much money, just enough is fine, as long as he has perfect manners, is smart, and loves him some chocolate after dinner every night.

   Day-ummmm! That’s what I’m saying!

   GoldenAh: LOL. If he’s a bit of car aficionado that’s a bonus! Makes me miss the days I’d be in lower Manhattan near Wall Street. Eye candy all day long.

   Thanks for stopping by.

9. goodnplenty
   May 8th, 2010 @ 8:22 AM

   Yeah, our brothers, always looking out for us, always bragging on us to everyone. NOT.

   What is it that makes them trash the sisters so bad? Is it anger? Is it resentment?
   Is it just a basic lack of respect, do they consider us a different class of human? I wonder is really driving all of those truly awful things they say about us.

   GoldenAh: Unfortunately, most, if not all, black males are the truest believers in misogynistic white supremacy. They enjoy “enforcing” the rule in this fashion: men on top, women on bottom. Since these black males believe black men are second to last on the racial hierarchy “totem pole”, guess who they believe should stay at the very bottom under them?

   That’s why I don’t pay them any mind. It’s their own inferiority they are broadcasting to the world. We have next to nothing to do with their issues. If they think they are gaining the respect of white men (or of any race) with the black women bashing games, they are fooling themselves.

   So don’t worry about it. We cannot “cure”, “fix”, or “heal” them. It’s best to run and take shelter elsewhere. The only thing we need worry about is our own personal safety and mental health, and keeping them far far away from us. We don’t need them to have decent, fulfilling lives – and they know it, because there are many, many, many other men to appreciate and consider. And who appreciate us!

   Thanks for the input and stopping by.

10. Queen
    May 8th, 2010 @ 6:13 PM

    Great comments!! I agree I am not interested in the WM with the “Swagger” like Kevin Federline who dumped his pregnant girlfriend Shar Jackson for Brittney Spears. He has fully taken on that mentality.

    These “Put downs” that the “brothas” try to poison WM with in regards to us I believe it not just becasue of their own bitterness, but they selfishly do not want to see us happy or with white men (if we choose).
    GoldenAh: True. But not just bitter: jealous. Proves how pathetic they are.

    They say it is “for our protection” (HA!)And the ironic thing is that they don’t want us for themselves, but they don’t want to see us with anyone else either. Like they want to keep us “on ice” to be at their disposal while they wait for the woman they “WANT”

    Case in point, a friend of mine ( I will call her “K”) was at dinner with one of her friends (an AA man) and an IR couple walked in (BW/WM). They were seated near K and her friend and were talking about their upcoming vacation. K said it was apparent that they were in love and she could tell the man adored her; he was super attentive to his wife (K said the sistah had a huge rock on her hand, lol).

    Anyhow, her friend was annoyed at the site of this couple. She asked him what his problem was. He told her that the white guy had a lot of “nerve” being with one of “his” black sistahs. So my friend asked him if she were alone would he ask her out he said “naw, she is not my type”. K asked him to explain he told K that he prefers the athletic type (this sistah was curvy). TRANSLATION: He liked skinny women. Anyhow, K told him since he had no interest in this woman, why did he care who she was with? He never really explained his reason, but continued to make comments throughout the evening.
    
    It seems that some AA men would rather see a BW alone than with a QUALITY man of another race. SAD! And many of us have bought into it and are still alone (not me, I WOKE UP). “I would rather be with a quality white (Asian, Latino, etc.) man that ADORES me than a AA man that disrespects and IGNORES me.”

    GoldenAh: I also think they feel invited by the “Sista Soldiers” to regard black women (who don’t know them from Adam) as being any of their business. Well, we are not. We have the right to be left alone to be with whomever we want to be.

    Interesting story. Thanks for the input.

11. Queen
    May 8th, 2010 @ 6:57 PM

    P.S. speaking of ignoring, I have a friend (A former international model) who was at a club with a friend of hers (A singer and American Idol Semi-Finalist.) They were sitting next to 4 brothas who ignored them both. “We were damn near in their laps,” she told me. A short time later, two handsome italian guys approached them and they started talking. Guess what happened? The 4 brothas “all of a sudden” were interested in my friend and her friend and tried to holla at them, but they (and rightfuly so)ignored the brothas ans kep partying with the yummy italian men. sMy friend said she has had that happen before with the brothas and she know at that point that it is no longer about her, but about the brothas need to do d**k measuring with the men to “prove” they still have “the upper hand” over “their” black women. She knows if those men had never approached them, the brothas would have continued to ignore them.

    GoldenAh: I had an African boyfriend, and I overheard some black males (complete strangers!) talking mess about us, like I had been taken away or had escaped from their clutches. Unbelievable! They have such deep-seated issues they need to keep it to themselves, or work it out with a therapist.

    Thanks for stopping by Queen. Nice to hear from you.

    Italian men. Mmmmmm.

12. Ruth
    May 9th, 2010 @ 9:02 AM

    From a daily,short-term perspective in our homes and on the sidewalk, from a long-term perspective of family harmony, economic stability and emotional satisfaction, the greatest obstacles black women face are manifested in the form of black men.

    That’s right, I said it.
    
    They’re not only not helping, in most ways they’re actively hindering the joy and fulfillment that black women seek.

    I hate to say it, but it’s the truth.

    GoldenAh: Everybody knows it. It gives them their joie de virve. However, I am not one of “their” women, and they are certainly not my “brothas”, or my men. They are strangers. They are nothing to me.

    I would like for these black males to leave me, and those of us who cannot be bothered with them, alone. When black males used to approach me, I used to waste my time believing any of them could have an intelligent, forward thinking, non-insulting, profanity free, well mannered conversation.

    Oh, they’re miserable creatures alright. I was in Germany, with my German friend who was showing me around. We were in this castle (I love castles!). Nearly everybody around us was white plus a few Asians. This black male leaves his group of white women to get in my face to say, “Hi,” like we know each other.

    I looked him up and down, faintly saying, “Hello,” and turned my back on him. Now, the black male is in Germany, with all the white women he wants, but because he sees me with a big, handsome, German guy he’s got to leave his group, cross the room, and get in my face to say something. And I know, just like the story by Queen, that if I was alone dude would act like I was invisible, or he’d make a loud derogatory comment aimed at me.

    I wont even get into how this sister from the UK was telling me stories of how black men wouldn’t leave her alone. I mean, dayummn, already.

    Nice to hear from you, Ruth. Thanks for stopping by.

13. Sky
    May 10th, 2010 @ 12:45 AM

    yep that same incident happened to me as well. this was years ago. me and a friend of mine went to the club(majority black club) to dance and met guys. None of the guys wanted to dance with us, however 2 hispanic men offered to dance with us and we said yes. I kid you not the minute we started dancing with the men, all these bm were trying to pull us away from them saying “sistah why you dancing with him?”. I didn’t even answer i just pushed them away from me and continued to dance. The rest of the night, most of the bm wanted to dance with us. by then i was already through. For now on, mixed clubs for me.

    O and GoldenAh your experience in Germany doesn’t surprise me. They’ll jump over fences just to remind you that you shouldn’t mingle with wm. Serves him right when you turn your back towards him.

    GoldenAh: I’m thinking, “You got your white women. Stay over there and leave me alone.” Dude was nothing to look at. He reminded me of the homeless in NYC. He had that “entitlement” vibe, because I’m a black woman I owe him something, or I’d be happy to see him. If he knew how awesome my German man friend was, he’d have stayed on his side of the room. Some of these negroes have too much self-esteem where black women are concerned, and it’s a joke.

    What’s funny is that they freely go to these all white clubs, neighborhoods or countries, but act all funky when a black woman is there. ‘Cause they love going around telling black women not to leave the hood and go anywhere, because of how racist this group or that group supposedly is.

    In the meanwhile, they’re spreading their verbal poison that we are the source of all ills of black people, or not worthy of dating, to explain why they are chasing down white, Asian, or other women.

    And we know one of reasons they do that is to stop black women from exploring their own horizons (with men of other races) and having a fulfilling life.

    Not gonna work. They need to quit.

    Thank you for stopping by, Sky. Nice to hear from you.

14. 2xmadflow
    May 10th, 2010 @ 11:01 PM

    Sounds like a bunch of black women….

    GoldenAh:

    Dear angrynegro,

    There’s an expression: “A struck dog hollers.” Thanks for letting me know your game. However, your opinion is worthless.

    Black women don’t owe you anything. You are not entitled to access to us. You haven’t a clue who or what would want us, but you like spreading those nasty comments about us everywhere though, right?

    You miss the point of the discussion: we don’t want angry, mean, spiteful, vicious negroes, or white men who look to them for advice about us. However, a decent black man is welcome anywhere.

    I’ll repeat my point: a black male is NOT my brother. The continual use of that incestuous reference is disturbing. A near majority of you do not have any class, courtesy, or decency. Everyone knows it.

    The beauty of a blog and having the domain, is that I can ban you – permanently. If I wanted to, I could even make sure you are even denied access to my website. However, I’ll just let people see your name.

    My answer to you is this: Black women can talk about who we like, and what we don’t like, forever and ever.

    We are free to discuss our choices, and you, and your “brothas” have no say in the matter.

    I don’t argue with mentally handicapped trolls, so you’ll be the last one I’ll ever answer.

15. Sophisticatedblkwomen
    May 11th, 2010 @ 12:28 PM

    I’m with you I don’t like white guys that have to many black male friends, it seems they tend to adopt black males attitudes to. Since I think the black males swagger is corny and weak, that makes that white boy corny and weak too.

    GoldenAh: Amen. Birds of a feather disease. Once their toxic attitudes and impressions are shared you get something you don’t want: a hoodrat in a white guy’s body.

    Hanging with some of these raw, crude, mean, low class black males doesn’t make any man hip. No one is edified swimming in sewerage.
    
    Thanks for your input, Sophisticatedblkwomen, and stopping by.

16. Bellydancer
    May 11th, 2010 @ 3:49 PM

    I have actually had a bm steer his white date towards me after they were headed in another direction. I just turned in my direction and totally avoided them. You should have seen the look on the bm’s face when I avoided him and his ww (lol) he was like WTF! I almost laughed out loud. I hear you Sky I live in a mostly white hip neighborhood and have had bm stare me dowm like what are you doing here while they were dining outside or waiting to get in a club usually with a ww. I want to to tell them so bad negro I live here you just passing thru (lol)

    GoldenAh: LOL. He had to jump that fence to get your attention, eh?

    Thanks for your input, Bellydancer, and stopping by.

17. Queen
    May 11th, 2010 @ 4:03 PM

    @ GoldenAh- Your response to 2xmadflow

    BRAVO!

    GoldenAh: Thank you.

18. Hope
    May 12th, 2010 @ 2:25 PM

    “Makes me miss the days I’d be in lower Manhattan near Wall Street. Eye candy all day long.”

    You and me Golden, you and me

    GoldenAh: LOL.

19. blkqueenbee
    May 13th, 2010 @ 2:02 PM

    Cosign with Destini – give me the whitest guy you got.

    I want someone who has not been tainted by familiarity with the woman-hating lyrics of rap and hip-hop, and someone who has not been influenced in any way, shape or form by the black men that defile, cheat, denigrate, and injure black women.

    He doesn’t have to hate black men, as you say, Golden Ah, but I sure hope he can see his way clear to allowing me to hate the black men that hate me and others like me.

    Black women are in a struggle with these types of black men, and they aim to either kill us or enslave us as a result of that struggle. Those are the only two outcomes acceptable to bile-spewing mongoloids.

    This sister is not signing on to either of those two outcomes.

    GoldenAh: That’s it in a nutshell. We are women first. If we’re with a white guy: we’re HIS woman. We do not belong with, or to, these strange, swaggering, thuggish negroes talking crap in the streets. ‘Cause if white guys are seeing them as “brothas”, and can only view us as female property of these black males, then I cannot see how there can ever be a healthy relationship. There will always be an unwanted, undesired, and unnecessary third party there, and we ain’t having it.

    Love the feedback, blkqueenbee. Thanks for the contribution.

20. Shia
    May 14th, 2010 @ 8:07 AM

    Abercrombie guys! <3
    -When a white man is buddies with a “brotha”, I know I don’t want him. The white guy doesn’t have to “hate” black men, but if he’s one of those white guys who feels like he needs to have street cred, or likes to call black men “brothas”, then I don’t wanna see ya.-
    ^^^ Seriously, I always thought that if a white guy wants to be with a black woman it's a mortal mistake to go along in an all black man crew. For all of the reasons you list here since, as mentioned, all of the self respecting women would already be avoiding "Ray-Ray's" mess like the plague so he really isn't doing himself any favors there. If they want to get closer to black women, befriend black women period. No third parties allowed.

    GoldenAh: I think I’m due for another “Pretty Guy of the Moment” post.

    I skimmed your blog, I likes.

    Nice to hear from you, Shia. The feedback is appreciated! Thanks for stopping by.

21. yellowmoon
    May 14th, 2010 @ 3:11 PM

    @blkqueenbee – Amen, sister! Sometimes you got to get gangster with these fools. Tell it like it is, these guys want us be their slaves and their pets, to do what they want to us, whenever they need something, or, if we’re not down with that, then they want to just grind us into the dirt.

    A lot of sisters want everyone else to be leery of white people cause they’ve bought into the posturing so common in the black community, but as far as I’m concerned, the biggest threat to black women as a group is the the kind of brother we all know so well, the one that can’t be trusted, has a couple of baby mamas, can’t hold a job, thinks of black women as combination sex toys and ATMs, etc.

    That’s the clown that will totally screw up your life, and not just for a week or a month, either.

    GoldenAh: I live in a white (about 93%) neighborhood. People are polite, nice, and leave you alone. No cat calls, no harassment, and no stalkers – basically utopia.

    And the men here will wait (a long time) for you when they open the door too.

22. Anonymous
    May 16th, 2010 @ 7:18 PM

    Golden do you have an email?

    GoldenAh: goldenah at yahoo.com

23. Raphael Leal
    May 26th, 2010 @ 11:00 PM

    If only I had a penny for every time I came to bettychambers.com.. Amazing article!

24. Southland Diva
    May 31st, 2010 @ 6:06 PM

    I think I’ll start using Abercrombie as shorthand to describe a white man who is not black male identified. I like a guy to be a guy and love who he is no matter the culture.Granted he can’t be racist, he can, however, be comfortable in his skin.

    Peace

    GoldenAh: Now, how did I miss your blog? When I get a chance I will give it a read. I can see you’ve put a lot of thought into it. On my BWE link (at the top and sidebar), I have blogs which I think might be of interest. Yours has been added, among others.

    My German friend likes black women, and he’s also very, very strongly proud of, and tied to, his culture. It’s refreshing.

    Thanks for stopping by.

25. Creme de Coco
    June 9th, 2010 @ 11:40 AM

    Cosign with all the sisters that said, “give me the whitest guy you got.”

    I have written off the brothers completely. Yeah, no need to tell me that there are good ones in there, that I just need to look harder and be more patient. I know there’s some good ones, but they are so few that it’s just not worth the effort anymore.

    I’m done with black men, for lots of reasons. All of y’all, you had your chances.

    Love, respect and marriage, can you hear me calling?

    GoldenAh: No need to explain yourself here. We all understand. You are free to choose.

    Nice to hear from you Creme de Coco.

26. Love this blog!
    June 10th, 2010 @ 2:13 PM

    Creme de Coco: I’m done with black men, for lots of reasons.

    Me: Girl, I thought I was the only bw who felt that way. It seems as though we black women can’t make that declaration…even on some of these BWE blogs (NOT this one) without someone coming in and say “VET ALL MEN!!” OK??? Maybe I’m just not interested in bm… African or otherwise =/ I’m grown, it’s my life and I’ll date, and NOT date whomever I’ll please. Save all that “black folks gotta stick together” jazz for someone else, because we all know it’s fake.

    GoldenAh: Why not say what you feel? Everyone else swings a bat at us. It’s not like we are all celebrities, athletes, rappers, businessmen, and other assorted black men given a national and international platform to puke their bile at black women. We’re just saying, “No thanks. We don’t want you.” We’re saying it rather quietly on a blog(s), and then going about our business. We shouldn’t be afraid to declare our preferences. We’re asserting our standards, since everyone else is entitled to state them – so are we.

    Yup, we are free to choose.

    Thanks for commenting. Cheers.

27. jubilee
    June 12th, 2010 @ 11:18 PM

    Youre right Golden Ah…the best white men are the ones with the brooks brothers suit and abercrombe and fitch..At least they look like MEN and not like some metrosexual negros with both ears pierced, afro puffs, and plats .snoop dog had a hairstyle I havent worn since i was four years old..AND THESE SILLY GIRLS GO GAGA OVER that. Once in a while, i’ll see these white guys with these black girls and some of them are married…as far as i’m concerned, a man is not yours unless you have a ring on his finger..no other jewelry except a watch..and he has one on yours…

    GoldenAh: For a long time I had no idea who Lil Wayne was. When I first saw him I thought, ‘Ewww.’ I’m astonished girls / women find him attractive. He’s nauseating. But, hey, put enough dysfunctional people in the media light long enough and they become the acceptable norm.

    Yeah, folks out there need to stop with that “our women” and “our men” crap. That mindset invites strangers to holler at bw (with her non-black man) on the street when they should be minding their own business.

28. Sherylynn
    June 14th, 2010 @ 2:02 PM

    Preach, Goldie!

    Although I think the whole traditional Brooks Brother look far outpaces anything from Abercrombie. I like my men to look sharp in a suit, and I guess I’m a sucker for that wonderful traditional look for men. That’s erotic to me.

    Maybe there’s something wrong with me, lol.

    GoldenAh: I love watching Mad Men, even the most boyish looking guy on the show looks good in a suit. That’s why I still like watching those old 1930′s to 1950′s movies. Everybody looks great. Classy.

29. Pam
    June 14th, 2010 @ 3:52 PM

    @Sherylynn

    Then there must be something wrong with me too because a man in a nice traditional suit gets me a little ‘flushed”. Have mercy.

    Sure beats gold chains, gold grill, falling-down pants, earrings, tattoos, and bad braids.

    Golden Ah, I am a huge Mad Men fan, too. We’re talkin’ serious white guy eye candy on that show.

    GoldenAh: Jon Hamm / Don Draper. Hmmm.

    LOL. Great comments, Pam. Couldn’t agree more.

30. Natalie
    June 15th, 2010 @ 9:10 PM

    Thanks so much for putting this post up if you can please write more on this subject matter. I definetly have made two mistakes in the past being around two white guys several years ago who hung with “brothas” one of them would even throw around saying the “N” word which was so not right!!!….. his excuse was he wanted to know what it felt to be black that SOB…. I wish I knew then what I know now that those type of white guys are damaged and not the type that are suitable for a secured long term relationship. I for sure will not having anything to do with so called whitetrash/wigger men again who suck up to misogynist black men

    GoldenAh: Thanks to their acceptance in the media via sports and music certain kinds of black males are idolized. It’s a tragedy. It’s one thing to admire Bill Cosby as America’s dad (and he has baggage too), but another to have degenerates being held up as the guy to be. Bah.

    There are white guys who want to hang onto their adolescence and for them black males are the best bet to emulate.

    As for more on this topic, I’ll ruminate on it.

    Thanks for the input and stopping by Natalie!

31. Amanda
    June 19th, 2010 @ 5:20 PM

    white buys that try to be down or act like the abc crew are what we call wiggers.

    GoldenAh: The behavior is irritating, isn’t it? But I’m rather ambivalent about the word. Are we insulting ourselves in a backhanded way by using it? Just wondering.

    Great to hear from you, Amanda! Thanks for stopping by.

32. BWMM
    June 26th, 2010 @ 11:32 PM

    Me too love the movies and looks of the men and women from the old Hollywood Studio system even after the ani-trust law of 1948. I also love some of the 60′s and 70′s. They had way more interesting looks than the girls who today just seem like clones of each other.
    GoldenAh: It’s the same bony ugly white actresses: Sarah Jessica Parker, Gwyneth Paltrow, Claire Danes, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jennifer Aniston, and whatever other homely things the cat drags in. I like some of them, but the media needs to stop lying about how “beautiful” they are. Come on. Photoshop. Okay? I’m relieved we’re not seeing Nicole Kidman as much. Ugh.

    They all see the same people: “Oh honey, please, you must be a size 0. Oh honey, just a little botox! It’s okay if you don’t frown or smile. No one does around here. Oh honey, please, your hair must be blonde! blonde! blonde! And super-straight. No one likes curly hair. Or red heads.” Geez, who are these flakes?

    Old Hollywood, where white people could actually look different from one another, and the men could actually look like men. They even let beautiful black women have their own films sometimes: Carmen Jones, etc.

    Can’t forget the doorag.lol

    Yeah I don’t like the commment myself, but damn if I can’t stand a white guy that has abc all over him. It erked me in middle and high school that the only way black girls would date or even talk to someone from other race/culture is if they were abc* even black boys did this with white or other race/culture girls. Then would get mad or accuse someone of racism, but have their own version of it.

    That and if they are in their pre-teens/teens/young adult years they are going to say it, because that’s who they are around. Well that is for many I know until they started growing up and distancing themselves away from many of the abc* black boys they knew. I had one friend I new since elementary that in middle school I heard say the n-word, because many black kids said it freely like it was nothing. As he got older, high school especially by the end he no longer hung out with that crowd. He went to college got out and did real good. Where are his friends? I wish many poor black/white/asian people would avoid schools where abc types dominate.

    GoldenAh: Okay, I now understand what you mean.

    Back in my day (before there was electricity, and nothing but log cabin schools and outhouses) a tough white guy (sorta thuggish) didn’t even try to be like the ABCs.* They didn’t talk, walk or act “black.” Whenever the black guys tried to jump one or mess with him, the white guy would come back with his friends. They were fearless. Oh, the crazy days back in the ‘hood.

    I think the mainstreaming of hip hop did it.

    Your friend gained some sense: he grew up. It’s like all these black athletes who go to college on a scholarship, but rarely graduate as opposed to a larger number of white ones. They never look ahead, and think long term.

    *For those not familiar with the terminology: ABC – acting black crews. People who define blackness by the worst behaviors they can think of.

33. BWMM
    June 26th, 2010 @ 11:33 PM

    Oh and sorry forgot to say that this is Amanda

    GoldenAh: Oh, I know it’s you, Amanda!

    Glad to have your feedback. I appreciate it when you clarified what you meant.

    Thanks for stopping by.

34. sotrue
    June 27th, 2010 @ 9:08 AM

    betty you have brought up such a good point. a couple of years ago I decided to take a stab at dating out of my race for the first time in 20 years. this was an Italian guy who was smooth and cute, but he hung out with black males. that should have been a warning sign for me right there. I have no doubt, after witnessing some of his crude and ignorant behavior toward me (and I am a smart sweetie pie, no angry black woman stereotype here) that he was being negatively influenced by his black “brothers.”

    since dating him I’ve actually gotten turned off of dating white men COMPLETELY. but I don’t know, maybe I’m being hasty. maybe I just met the wrong one–he was too simple minded to think for himself and would rather believe the BS that oozes out of the mouths of hateful black men. if he keeps listening to that BS he’ll be just as hateful and unwanted as they are by smart beautiful black women.

    what I would say to these type of white guys: check out your black buddies. are they even successful with their NON-black girlfriends? if not, wouldn’t that send bells ringing in your head that maybe they shouldn’t be the ones you should go to for relationship advice? how many baby’s mothers do they have? what’s their relationship turnover rate? how many times do you hear the words “bytch” or “hoe” come out of their mouths. how often do they complain or start shyt about even the most mundane issues while you’re out eating or partying? how do they talk about women when you’re not around one? if you notice this ignorance you’ll realize that most black women just aren’t going to accept that level of disrespect–that’s why these little boys trapped in man bodies are so “mad” at black women.

    in any case, I 100% agree with you betty–I definitely do not want to date any white/latino/etc men who are “buddy buddy” with a bunch of black woman hating black dudes. I’d rather date a purple people eater

    GoldenAh: Misogynistic thugs of a feather, beat down women together. They come in all flavors and colors, but the “brotha buddies” are the easiest ones to filter out. If his friends are pigs … oh well.

    Like you were saying, the first tell is in his overall behavior. He has to have a respectful demeanor and good manners. And yes, you want a clean cut looking adult man. That’s why we have man candy week.

    http://bettychambers.com/?p=398

    A great suit, fresh hair cut, and grooming wont tell us everything, but a nice presentation is a good start. I hope you find a nice guy worthy of you!

    Thanks for the input and stopping by. Cheers!

35. sotrue
    June 27th, 2010 @ 10:52 AM

    thanks betty. btw, I thought abc stood for angry blackmale coons! LOL

    GoldenAh: Oh, dear.

    Yeah, on these network of blogs, we nearly have our own secret language. Sometimes it’s hard for me to keep up.

36. Likewaterforchocolat
    June 28th, 2010 @ 2:52 PM

    I always say to people that “I like my white men… white.” (unless you are Robin Thicke) I like the Abercrombie & Fitch/Brooks Brothers type guys also.Now, he can have a black friend or two (maybe from work, if he works in a white-mail dominated environment liek myself. But he has friends that are “brothas”. No way. Too much negative energy there and too many bad habits made. These types of guys start to accept the mindset that we want men who are less of a gentleman because we are black women and we are already used to being treated badly.

    GoldenAh: Sometimes the suit-wearing / office working negroes are as bad, if not worse, than the street hoodlums. They’re just sly about it, especially the pseudo-intellectuals. However, as long as his friend(s) appears to have little, if any, sway over his general opinion of black women, I totally agree with your observations. ‘Cause it gets scary if he starts saying, “Well Jerome said that black women …” LOL.

    Thanks for stopping by. {{waves}}

37. Likewaterforchocolat
    June 28th, 2010 @ 3:30 PM

    Girl, notice I said a black friend or two. I had to put a cap on it…as D.L Hughley said “That’s enough! Whaddya think this is? Harlem?”

    GoldenAh: LOL.

    Update: ROTFLMAO. It’s hours later, and I’m still laughing at this.

38. rainebeaux
    July 1st, 2010 @ 4:30 PM

    I call these dudes the Federline Federation myself; either way, DO.NOT.WANT…see also a straight-to-video/DVD film called The Breaks. Tragic, man.
    ___

    Bartender: hey, raine, what’ll you have?

    Me: Sal, my man…gimme the whitest white dude this side of Lake Shore Drive brought to you by the letter Y–for Yanni, Yo-Yo Ma, and “Weird Al” Yankovic (the latter’s for flava, you know. *winks*).

    Bartender: *blinks* ‘FMT* Special comin’ up…
    {Brings glass with pina coladaesque drink on a coaster made from an old motherboard, which plays “White and Nerdy” every time I pick up the glass. *WFMT: classical music station in Chicago. }

    Me: *long sip* mmm, great stuff. good looking out, Sal; I knew you wouldn’t let me down. **Mentos commercial freeze frame optional**

    GoldenAh: Oh, I like that! Whenever I read some of our little situations – a little film clip goes through my mind. I enjoyed Al’s version so much, that used to have me cracking up.

    Oh, I gotta check that out when I take my Neflix account off of suspend.

    Thanks for stopping by, Rainebeaux. Great to hear from you.

39. maurie
    July 6th, 2010 @ 11:53 AM

    I’m attracted to men who happen to be white but I am definately not attracted to white men who try and act like the wost of black it is a REAL turn -off. Some bw from the lower tier do want that type of man because culturally they’ll have more in common with them basically; they are just black men with white skin but what’s the point of that? You might as well be with a black man! Where I’m from (England)These type of men are rare I think it’s probably more common in the u.s. English white boys definately hang out with black boys in school up until university and then they tend to go their seperate ways particulary if they are middle class. However, the black men and white men that hang out later on in life its more of an aquintanceship than real friendship they know each other from work or from the area but that’s as far as it goes- rarely is it deep friendship. This is diferent with white and black females from similar class brackets they tend to be stay friends alot longer through school, university and they will also make new friends along the way. From what i’ve been reading correct me if i’m wrong here, there tends to be more tension between black and white women in the u.s.
    Also it sometimes seems like american white men who like bw are friends with bm to get close to bw and vise versa but this isn’t true in england- there is no ulterior motive for these friendships.
    And as for Paul G (um who is he?!) any white guy that says “brothers” should be widely avoided!
    I hope this isn’t too long!

    GoldenAh: Oh welcome, welcome. It’s great to hear from a sister overseas. I know there are some influences that go back and forth between the countries.

    As for the tension between white and black women. Slavery was based on the womb of the black woman. Her status defined the status of her offspring. American white supremacy (like Hitler’s dream of a white master race) upholds white women, which is why they are the only face of the beauty, fashion, media, and movie industries. Since they materially benefit from it, white women (especially feminists) like to pretend they care about “equality” for all women, when it’s really about them achieving the same power as white men.

    In the USA, black men get close to white men through sports. And white men have basically allowed everyone to share the stage with them: white women, black men, other minorities, and even sometimes black women. Unfortunately, when black women want to be treated and accepted as a normal, beautiful, feminine, accessible, and marriageable woman a number of ww, bm, and confused bw go off the deep end and have problems with it. Hence the tensions. We’ve been society’s punching bag for too long, and we’ve had enough of it.

    Although I don’t contribute to this blog, it is truly an excellent source regarding the situation of black women in America: Her latest post is awesome.

    Thank you for stopping by! Don’t hesitate to write again. No comment could ever be too long, especially if you are clarifying your points.

    Cheers.

40. Anna
    July 6th, 2010 @ 6:22 PM

    Hah, I’m with Destini, give me the whitest man you got.

    I love being black but I hate the things people expect me to be because I’m a black woman. I am a normal person, not a bitch or a ho or a golddigger or a hoochie mama or a dark butt or anything else. I reject everything that black men try to wrap me up in, and I certainly don’t want any white guy that’s been schooled by the brothers!

    GoldenAh: Amen. High-five. Thanks for stopping by, Anna. Loved all of the feedback.

41. maurie
    July 8th, 2010 @ 11:35 AM

    GoldenAh: As for the tension between white and black women. Slavery was based on the womb of the black woman. Her status defined the status of her offspring. American white supremacy (like Hitler’s dream of a white master race) upholds white women, which is why they are the only face of the beauty, fashion, media, and movie industries. Since they materially benefit from it, white women (especially feminists) like to pretend they care about “equality” for all women, when it’s really about them achieving the same power as white men.

    ahh sports now i get it! Sports is big in the states isnt it?! It’s not so much here. We’ve got football but all the other sports are solo like running and boxing(that black boys tend to do)I can see why bw have tension with ww because of the social hierarchy. In the uk, we have more of a CLASS stratisfication so women tend to befriend others in their class bracket not necessarily racial bracket plus, there is far more integration here- Most of my best friends have being white females. I’ve had a few experiences with white american women and I have to say they are very different from british women they are far more outspoken and abrupt I can see why they could rub you up the wrong way lol!

    GoldenAh: I could write an entire book on their issues. American white women are the most racist creatures you’ll ever meet, racist white men have nothing on them. It’s too much work to befriend them, because they think we’re here, and everybody else, to serve them (Oprah-style and other mammy stereotypes). So unless she’s really nice, I don’t bother myself with them.

    Yeah, here it is “class”, but a lot of people (especially the guilty parties I mentioned before) want black women to be at the bottom of this class hierarchy.

    Yet, the real and only actual class hierarchy here is MONEY. Money, money, and nothing but money. It’s definitely not as much a skin-color issue as in the past.

42. John
    August 14th, 2010 @ 9:49 PM

    Im a white/latino guy, I was in art class once with my friend who happens to be a black female.. were just friends talking when this black dude comes up and starts to try to flirt with her. like completely randomly and she didnt even know him, its like oh look a white guy and a black girl are lauging, they must be together
    I do have black friends that are guys and I think black women shouldnt discredit all black men as no good..there are some intelligent good black guys too . my twin sisters are both dating black guys and i support them for whoever it is cuz they make them happy.

    be passionate about what you love and the right guy will come along regardless of his race, you will find someone who you have alot in common with.

    GoldenAh: Hi, John! How are you? Nice of you to stop by and give us some feedback. It’s certainly appreciated.

    Well, we all love our purple unicorns a.k.a. “good black men”. However, it’s the behavior of the bad ones a.k.a. black male cretins that need to be held up to the spotlight, because it reflects on the purple unicorns. The “good black men”, including others races of men, are obligated to do something about the bad ones. They’re giving the “good black men” a bad reputation, plus they’re dangerous and out-of-control.

    And John, I suspect your sisters’ boyfriends are doing everything they can to make them happy, because they are white, and you’d probably kick their asses otherwise (or they think you would). That’s the point we’re trying to make. Black males work hard to make other races of women happy, because their men back them up and make sure they are respected.
    
    You’ve witnessed for yourself that black males have a self-control problem where black women are concerned. We’re asking other men to intervene when these black male cretins feel free to harass us, because we are not the ones able to control them, other men are.

    Have a good one. Cheers.

43. stephanie
    August 22nd, 2010 @ 3:47 PM

    betty, this post had me dying!

    i’ve been enjoying your comments on other BWIR blogs but didn’t realize you had your own… yay for fabulous finds!

    and i agree 100% on the “swagger” thing (eww) as well as hanging out with ABCs being a major turn-off. my love’s black “homies” are james baldwin, ralph ellison, august wilson, and langston hughes. and even they don’t get a say in our relationship.

    GoldenAh: Hello Stephanie! Great to hear from you! You know the thing is, when I write, I never know it’s funny until I get feedback on it. So I’m rather pleased when I tickle people’s funnybone.

44. ieishah
    September 21st, 2010 @ 3:29 PM

    This post is fantastic. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, mostly because i follow a white male ‘interracial relationships’ blogger who says the most ridiculous things. He’s like blacker then thou. The last 2 black men I dated were British and very very dark black dudes who grew up in Brixton. Cuz if I want a black man, I’ll date a black man. I don’t want any WM identifying with, or taking relationship cues from BM. Pass me with that.

    GoldenAh: Hey Ieishah! Being a Brooklyn girl too, I know we’ve both seen a lifetime of swagger…

    I was in Barcelona a couple of years ago. It’s a beautiful place. One day I hope to visit there again, and other parts of Spain.

    Thanks for stopping by.

45. DiosaNegra
    September 22nd, 2010 @ 2:16 PM

    Oh, my third eye…. LOL

    I remember when I added the “no ‘homeboy’ wanna-be’s” to my online dating profile! I got “cussed out” by a member of the Federline nation…no joke!

    Then, the “brothas” came at me, DEMANDING a response as to WHY I felt as though I was “special” and had the NERVE to have “standards”….

    Someone please pass me a martini….it’s 5 o’clock somewhere!

    GoldenAh: They all have a nerve to demand an answer. And we know they love to write about how much they deserve “dime pieces” and whatnot.

46. Valerie
    February 16th, 2011 @ 3:44 AM

    Betty, your blog is bookmarked and I read it often you provide a great service to US!!

    GoldenAh: Hey Valerie, How’s it going? Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate your comments.

    Take care.

47. My Perspective
    April 8th, 2011 @ 9:40 AM

    First I want to say that I love this blog.

    Second, I want to say that this is on point. My husband is a tall, attractive, educated white guy. He is a teacher.

    He is nice to black men out of common courtesy, but he is not friendly with men who would ever disrespect me.

    As a very light-skinned biracial woman, I don’t know if it’s OK for me to comment here…but I do identify with the struggles of my sisters. Black women have been dealing with injustices for a very long time. It’s about time somebody recognizes their worth and their beauty.

    I remember when I was in college how many of the “brotha” types would disrespect and belittle me. One guy was pissed because I didn’t flirt with him after acknowledging that he said hello. Saying hi to a man does not mean that I will give him my number or drop my panties. It doesn’t work that way. But a lot of guys feel a sense of entitlement and ownership.

    Sometimes I have guys looking at me like I’ve betrayed them by being with a white man. Who cares? They don’t know anything about me. They don’t own me. And these are the same kinds of people who would be quick to disrespect me and treat me like worthless trash, therefore their opinions don’t matter.

    My husband loves me. He takes care of me. I love him. Thank you for encouraging black women to be happy and live the best lives possible! You deserve it, ladies!

    GoldenAh: Hey, if you feel kinship with black women, who am I to say otherwise? Whether you are bi-racial, blatina, blasian, or mixed, I don’t apply any paperbag tests, or “blacker than thou” policing on here. I’m happy to see feedback from you. You’ve experienced what a lot of us have. I’m glad to hear that you’ve found a good man!

    Welcome aboard, and thanks for sharing your story.

48. E
    April 15th, 2011 @ 7:57 PM

    I am 28 and newly married to a wm in CT. I had a great night out a few Fridays ago with group of friends and acquaintances. My former colleague and good friend, a ww, dates my neighbor, a fellow English teacher who is also a rapper (not a raunchy one, he is super clever with his semantic wordplay) and he had a performance at a local bar with a full band. Anyway, our neighbor is a wm and most of his friends from home (Long Island, NY) are black. He is one of the few from that crew who went away to college, but a few times a year they all get together to hang and catch up. Anyway we all had a fine time chatting with a few beers and dancing. I found one of the bm friends really funny and so did the ww colleague I brought along. We kept referring to his jokes (mostly about handwarmers, you had to be there…) I remember thinking it was so nice to hang out in a multiracial group of sensible, late 20somethings without any foolishness. At the end of the night, my husband told me that one of our neighbor’s bm friends said to him throughout the night, without knowing that we are married, “Are you sure you want that? You don’t know how they really are. You sure you can handle her…”

    I was really taken aback and I think my husband was, too. Here I was thinking we were all having a great time and this bm, who doesn’t even know me at all, was trying to limit my dating chances and malign me to a random wm who appeared into me. I believe many bm try to sabotage bw’s ir possibilities through this sort of slander and sabotage, even if they are smiling in your face. There was another bw there that night chatting up some wm and I bet that really galled this guy. SMH

    GoldenAh: That is foul, yet so typical. That is insecurity raising its ugly head. We usually expect (sorta stereotypically) women to be “catty bitches”. But here is some strange negro dropping nasty ish over a possible wm / bw relationship. I mean, do negroes want wm?!? I cannot understand that bizarre competitive mentally they have against black women. It’s too weird! They don’t want us. And when they don’t know us from Eve, they’re happily going around poisoning the well against us. The arrogant gall of that frigging critter!

    These scrubs would be starving to death if black women didn’t support, feed, and clothe them. But any sign of us having a go at white men and they’re having a hissy fit, while they feel free to chase any non-black woman under the sun.

    These negroes show just how much they can be trusted: zip, zilch, and not-at-all.

    Thanks for relaying that story, E. Oh, and congrats on being a newlywed!!

49. Dierdre
    April 20th, 2011 @ 1:05 PM

    Yup, I actually had the brutha boyfriend of my former friend take my white husband aside and “school” him all about black women. This was on what was only my second date with my husband (not my husband then, we had just met) – a double date with my former friend and her boyfriend.

    And he told him the most awful things about black women! Like how loud we were, and how bitchy we were, and how we wanted to be “the man” and run things, how gross we were in the bedroom, and how you couldn’t compliment a sista because then they would start thinking they were “all that”. Crap like that. Total racist, sexist crap like that.

    It’s the second date!

    She’s my former friend because, months later, when my husband told me what had happened after we had been dating all this time, I went to her (pissed off) and told her what happened, and she stuck up for that a-hole. She said he was just trying to be helpful. Yeah, right. He could have “helped” me right out of the best thing that ever happened to me.

    I sure am glad he didn’t listen to any of the advice brother man was giving that day. THANK GOD he made up his own mind. Still, it must have thrown him for kind of a loop to hear all that garbage.

    GoldenAh: I believe you! I believe you! I believe you. I bet black males stalk every single white man who even glances at a black woman. They are too eager to chase one down and “school” the guy. These negroes talk about us behind our backs worse than any evil bitch in existence. Pitiful.

    Then these negroes hop on all these BW/IR or black gossip web sites to say, “We ain’t stopping you from dating out.” Yeah, right.

    Yet look how quick they are to turn around and tell us, “White men don’t want you.” Really?

    Why is it their concern? BW / WM relationships are none of their business to begin with. We ain’t public property. That is not loving concern expressing itself, otherwise vulgar rap(e) music wouldn’t exist.

    They just need to shut up: saying nothing to white men, and definitely not a word to us.

    Thanks for stopping by, Dierdre. Great story.

50. Jess
    May 11th, 2011 @ 7:41 PM

    “They just need to shut up: saying nothing to white men, and definitely not a word to us.”
    Good luck with that one.

    GoldenAh: There are plenty of places where they don’t live, don’t hang out, or aren’t around. And I make sure those places are where I am. It is possible to live in a negro-free non-harassment environment.

51. Dee Dee Russell
    May 31st, 2011 @ 7:28 PM

    I find those BM crabs in a barrel usually want the WM for themselves as I live in San Francisco and it has happened to me. Out and out homothugs and down low closet cases stepping either to me or my (ex)WM talking that ish. I told one BM homothug (in his ear): Honey there are enough WM for you to get one, too!

    GoldenAh: Funny that you say that: I’ve been reading some stuff coming from Don Lemon (CNN reporter) since he’s out of the closet. The first thing he felt he needed to do was talk crap about black women. Apparently, we’re his competition for other men or some strange ish like that. The mentality and attitude doesn’t shock me, ’cause it makes more sense than guys who pretend they are straight and talk down black women to white men.

52. me!
    June 4th, 2011 @ 12:39 AM

    I’m 21 and a white guy and trust me no white guy with any sort of sense would think of asking a black guy about black women, if anything they would search the internet and end up at a place like here, but the way i look at it is black guys complain about and hate 2 main things 1. white men 2. black women – they blame white men for everything that WM have and BM don’t and what ever they cant try to blame on white men they blame on black women like emotional stuff and why they are gay lol, which WM have nothing to do with the gay problem and how BW do i have no idea….(i think its called a “personal problem”) so basically BM just cant take blame for anything and they have to blame someone and it aint going to be themselves, but if i was to date a black woman i definitely wouldn’t let BM or the media detour my decisions because there is 3 things you shouldn’t give any attention to and thats satan,the media and BM

    GoldenAh: Hello there! Thanks for the feedback. Your observations are very astute. Why don’t more men have the kind of sense you have at 21?!?

    Glad to see that you are someone who makes up his own mind. I suspect most white men do the same.

    Thanks for stopping by.

53. me!
    June 6th, 2011 @ 1:41 AM

    @GoldenAh, well probably because most white guys have not witnessed BM picking on BW in some of the ways i seen them when i was younger, when i was 11 yrs old i went to basically a summer daycare and there i saw this black girl about 12y/o being picked on by 3 black boys about 13y/o for no reason except she was on the heavier/large size and that’s about the only reason i could figure, so me being me and doing as I’ve been taught i wasn’t going to tolerate it so i walked up to them and started telling them what i thought about the whole ordeal and what i was going to do if they didn’t stop and after a little bit they walked off because i wasn’t going to back down plus they weren’t suppose to be where we were anyway, but of course this wasn’t the end of it i spent most of the summer arguing with these idiots over the same reason several different times, but i didn’t mind because me and her were friends the entire summer, so basically i guess black guys hating BW is something they pick up early

    GoldenAh: You sir, are a hero! You spared some poor girl a summer of misery. That’s a display of decent character right there: helping someone from being bullied. Some people would walk away, because they’d assume it’s a “black thing”, but you did the right thing and intervened.

    Hat tip to your folks for raising such a fine young man.

54. me!
    June 8th, 2011 @ 1:22 AM

    Thanks, I’ve read some of the posts and stuff on here and i like your blog, it gives alot of insight on IR subjects that Ive been curious about

    GoldenAh: The information goes both ways … when you share, we learn as well, which is most welcomed.

    Cheers.

55. Dee Dee Russell
    June 9th, 2011 @ 1:39 AM

    Hi Golden Ah

    You wrote in response to my post above : The mentality and attitude doesn’t shock me, ’cause it makes more sense than guys who pretend they are straight and talk down black women to white men.”

    BM who talk down BW to WM are GAY using misogyny as a cover hiding in plain sight wanting that dck for themselves. Rolling eyes and yawning at those bitter queens!

    There are many types of GM, I live in San Francisco and can identify BW hating closet cases immediately. I suggest a blog post about it since you’re much more eloquent than I?

    GoldenAh: Hmm. I think the likelihood is slight, but it might happen. Can’t make any promises. A lot of times I forget what I’m going to write about.

    I will say that I believe that men should pick the team they want to “bat” for and stay there. They should be free to get out of the clost, be proud, and stay with that team. Then they need to leave women the hell alone.

56. StarDust
    June 26th, 2011 @ 4:39 AM

    As a 22 year old bw, I feel as though I’m so done with black men, so the last thing I want is a wm trying to act black, its truly pathetic in my opinion. Growing up I’ve always found men of all races attractive I never felt like I was obligated to be with bm even though everyone from family to friends tried to convince me that I was.
    Of course as a young woman I know I’m gonna meet a lot of men who are complete idiots regardless of race before I find the one that is right for me, but the disrespect that I get from bm on a regular basis for no reason other than the fact that I am a bw is overwhelming and I refuse to deal with it anymore. I live in NYC and the daily backhanded compliments that I get from bm are ridiculous, like she has a nice body and she’s cute, but I don’t like black girls, I’m like if u don’t like bw why even open your mouth to say something about me. So I’ve begun to not even pay bm any attention at all, and I must admit sometimes I feel guilty because I feel as though I shouldn’t treat them all the same, but then one says or does something dumb and that guilt goes away.

    By the way I just stumbled upon your blog, and I’m just happy that you’re keeping it real regardless of anyone’s opinions.

    GoldenAh: Hello StarDust, welcome aboard!

    I’m from NYC – now living elsewhere – and I know exactly how you feel. You cannot walk the street, especially this time of year, without negroes acting up.

    Never ever give any rude manchild, negro, punk, thug, half-wit, phony “good black man” a second chance, because you feel guilty and should cut him some slack. All men, every single one of them, must meet your high standards. Otherwise, if you give one of those clowns a break (and you are too precious to give it away to any of them) you will regret it for the rest of your life. You know this already, so that information puts you 20 years ahead of all the other young ladies around you.

    If you are looking to get married in a couple of years, start figuring out how to screen and find a quality man now. It takes time, but you will get there.

    Thanks for stopping by StarDust.

57. StarDust
    June 26th, 2011 @ 11:21 PM

    @ GoldenAh

    Thanks for the advice. I don’t intend to waste any of my time on someone who can’t even approach me properly. It’s a shame that I feel more comfortable when men from other races approach me because they usually come correct and if I turn down their advances I don’t have to worry about being cussed out simply because I’m not interested.

    GoldenAh: You are welcome, StarDust. Don’t ever let guilt be your guide. Always treat yourself best; you deserve it. If some “man” cannot treat you with respect, forget they exist and don’t worry about it. Black males who cannot come correct have never been and never will be your problem.

    Take care.

58. Andrea
    August 31st, 2011 @ 7:14 AM

    “Funny that you say that: I’ve been reading some stuff coming from Don Lemon (CNN reporter) since he’s out of the closet. The first thing he felt he needed to do was talk crap about black women. Apparently, we’re his competition for other men or some strange ish like that. The mentality and attitude doesn’t shock me, ’cause it makes more sense than guys who pretend they are straight and talk down black women to white men.”

    ~GoldenAh

    I’ve noticed since I was a teen that many BM want to be women. Or at least they want to be treated as if they were women. It’s very strange. And a HUGE turn off!

    I suspect that is where the Black male need to compete with BW comes from. Not all of these BM can be gay — there are just too many of them. Every BW I have ever known, who worked in an office environment with a BM, is/was either sexually harassed, personally denigrated or professionally sabotaged by said BM. Even in cases where they were the only people of color in the entire office/company!

    BM don’t believe they are man enough to compete with WM/HM/AM but they think they can push us down, because there are so many sister soldier types willing to help them do it. It is so beyond pathetic. No real man would ever set out to compete with a woman. They would consider it beneath them.

    GoldenAh: I used to follow DL (heh) on twitter. I liked the guy. He’s handsome. Very young looking for his age. I had a lot of sympathy for him when he said that he was abused as a child. But I am so damn tired of reading that because I am a black woman I have issues with homosexuals, gay black men, or I want to compete with them for a man. Oh, hell no.

    Where does that kind of wacky backward ass logic derive from? White people seem to treat women who want to “cure” gay men with sex as a joke, but there’s only hostility towards black women who sorta think that way. What does that tell you?

    Plus, I never had, or will, have any desire to get in between two men who are interested in each other. I am all for getting out of their way and leaving them alone. None of my business.

    Girl, nearly every job I worked had a black guy who worked at making my life hell. I don’t know what’s the matter with them, but I prefer to be where they’re not. I need it for peace of mind.

    Men and women can compete, they just need not be sore losers about it.

    Thanks for adding to the discussion, Andrea. Very thought provoking.

59. Andrea
    September 13th, 2011 @ 3:09 PM

    “Plus, I never had, or will, have any desire to get in between two men who are interested in each other. I am all for getting out of their way and leaving them alone. None of my business.”
    ~GoldenAh

    I could not agree more. I do not, and never have, found gay men attractive.

    “Girl, nearly every job I worked had a black guy who worked at making my life hell. I don’t know what’s the matter with them, but I prefer to be where they’re not. I need it for peace of mind.”
    ~GoldenAh

    That’s easy to believe. I don’t get the purpose if their behavior either. A BW friend of mine once theorized that many Black men feel a compulsive need to make others dislike them, so they can feel justified in playing the victims of society at large and BW, in particular. I’m not sure I agree; I have my own theory about that behavior.

    “Men and women can compete, they just need not be sore losers about it. ”
    ~GoldenAh

    That wasn’t the kind of competition I was talking about. The women who are being harassed don’t even share the same positions in their companies as the BM who are torturing them. They just happen to work for the same company.

    I was actually referring to the competition for a place in society. Not in any business they may work for. BM often think of Black people as being bottom of the barrel, but think that if they can push BW further under it will help them rise to the top somehow.

    Also, I have come across BM who want the BW they date (not ww/hw/aw) to take them out to dinner and movies, open doors for them, and generally treat them like “ladies” when they aren’t even women. It’s creepy as hell… to me anyway.

    I have never encountered men of another ethnicity –unless they were “women trapped in a man’s body”– who wanted to be treated like ladies, only BM. And even those men didn’t expect actual women to treat them like ladies.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for clarifying that point, Andrea. Wow. I’ve met useless BM, but I’ve never met those that bad. Then again, it’s been well over a decade plus since I went anywhere with a BM. I don’t date them anymore, nor do I associate with any. I simply cannot be bothered. It’s too much work.

60. Andrea
    September 13th, 2011 @ 4:15 PM

    Oh, I just realized I didn’t add my theory. Which is this: BM think that BW get a pass for being women. That we go to a college and we immediately get admitted, SATs be damned. That we are “given” diplomas, doctorates, etcetera, no effort on our part required.

    I’ve had BM tell me that we — BW, don’t have to study hard, or work hard to become successful. They really do believe (many of them anyway) that if they were women they would just as successful as the most successful BW, despite their current lack of effort.

    This is complete and utter bull, of course. But they think that they have the right to treat BW like crap on the job, because in their minds (and only in their minds) we get a free pass for being a woman from everyone else.

    GoldenAh: I remember standing on line years ago overhearing a BM saying the same thing. I wanted to find the white man who he think put me through college, ’cause I was still paying back the loans at that time. I had to hustle every step of the way.

    These negroes say these things to discount the hard work we put into everything. We don’t have an easier path, but they don’t want to acknowledge that they’re too lazy to do better. Right now, they devote themselves to getting a free ride off of BW. Part of this ploy is guilt tripping, and too many BW fall for it.

    I don’t hesitate going to HR if any negro on the job harasses me; I wouldn’t care if he was the CEO. I let it slide about three times, before I start documenting their behavior. I think they assume I’m like the other go-along-with-the-BS black women. They seem shocked when they get fired. Oh, well.

61. Andrea
    September 19th, 2011 @ 1:40 AM

    “I remember standing on line years ago overhearing a BM saying the same thing. I wanted to find the white man who he think put me through college, ’cause I was still paying back the loans at that time. I had to hustle every step of the way.”
    ~GoldenAh

    Yeah, the BM who say these things are always the lazy, trifling, leech variety.

    I can’t wait till I finally finish paying off my loans. And the sleep I lost back then… I don’t think I got more than 12 hours of sleep per WEEK when I was a college student. Even I’m amazed that I graduated with a 3.76 GPA, because I was constantly fatigued. And I worked part time on top of it.

    Back then, I would have been overjoyed if someone had said, “Here’s a degree, now go rub a BM’s face in it.” I would have saved tens of thousands of dollars and gotten adequate sleep during those four long years.

    GoldenAh: An amazing feat, Andrea. Congratulations.

    A man with pride would knock himself out to get ahead, but these leeches know they have Mommy, Aunty, sister or baby mommas to live off of. They have a nerve condemning women who provide them with their food, shelter and clothing.

    “Here’s a degree, now go rub a BM’s face in it.” Oh, that would have been fun to do!

62. Bellydancer
    September 21st, 2011 @ 12:17 PM

    Glad to see people are still posting on this thread but we need a part 2 (lol)

    I also thought that some gay men had a problem with black women dating white men. While all that prop 8 stuff was going on in california some gay white man said that black women voted against gay marriage because it would mean less men for them. I was like WTF! Black people in california are less than 10% of the population.

    GoldenAh: One day I may add another part to this topic.

    Yeah, this white racist gay male with a big following spent weeks vilifying black people over this topic. And he will remain nameless, ’cause I cannot stand that bigoted bitch. It made me sick how hard they worked to blame us, black women especially, when our vote tally literally made no significant difference on the matter.

    These other “minority” groups always expect black people, and black women in particular, to fight for them. They’re mad that we mostly refuse to. Black people are viewed only as useful tools to these groups, because from jump street they have nothing but contempt for us. So, they need to stop expecting us (like good slaves) to do the work for them. They can manage. Let them carry the load. We have enough problems to sort out.

63. Andrea
    September 25th, 2011 @ 5:10 AM

    “An amazing feat, Andrea. Congratulations. ”
    ~GoldenAh

    Thank you!

    “Yeah, this white racist gay male with a big following spent weeks vilifying black people over this topic. And he will remain nameless, ’cause I cannot stand that bigoted bitch. It made me sick how hard they worked to blame us, black women especially, when our vote tally literally made no significant difference on the matter.”

    ~GoldnAh

    I saw him on the Tyra Show, and she disappointed me by not checking the dude. But she never does, unless they’re insulting a BM. Tyra is so male identified, it’s pathetic. And, of course, she had a lone BW who used religion to justify her anti-gay sentiments. She was set up to represent BW (badly), but she didn’t represent me at all.

    Personally, I have nothing against gay people. I believe they have the right to the same protections under the law. BUT I have absolutely NO interest in helping them solve their problems or defending them. Do you see any gays trying to defend us? I doubt it.

    GoldenAh: I agree. Everyone should be treated as human beings first. Laws shouldn’t single out anyone for persecution or special treatment. Although I wonder if a lot of these other “minority” groups understand the distinction.

    These people wanna pretend that black women are able, as a group, to wreak havoc on the interests of a wealthy, insular and privileged “minority” composed of mostly white folks who claim victimhood. And they always, always do it by saying “it is like being black”. Hilariously funny, because it makes no sense at all. It defies logic. They have no effing clue what it is like to be black. By that very phrasing, they are excluding black gay people who go through their own type of persecution.

    Religious black women are in church listening to their black male pastors (who are probably anti-gay and down-low) vent against gays. The day black male pastors stop doing that those black women will meekly follow suit. That’s why I’m so pissed at people who act as if black women have some monolithic power to stop their “progress.” It’s garbage.

64. Ran Ran
    January 3rd, 2012 @ 7:56 PM

    I see it’s been a while since anyone has posted on this site. But I would like to add, that in case anyone takes this as a BM bashing session, they would be mistaken. From what I’ve gathered here so far is that we BW do not hate BM. We are starting to realize that we should broaden our options, which often times include white men. Here is a little run down:

    BM: Black women are bitchy, pushy and loud
    WM: I love the spunk and openness of black women
    BM: Black women are nothing but gold diggers
    WM: Black women work hard, therefore they deserve flowers and gifts.
    BM: I don’t want a nappy headed woman.
    WM: It doesn’t matter what texture a woman’s hair is. It’s her quality that counts.
    BM: I prefer dating light-skinned women if I take a black chick out.
    WM: I love the richness of black women’s dark skin.

    See the point? Every negative thing a black man could say about us, a white male would likely find the positive side of it

    GoldenAh: No worries. No matter how old the topic: if you write, someone will respond.

    That’s why I like the feedback offered by white men and other non-black men. They offer another perspective that is complimentary. It also shows that the interest is not a one-way street and that we are not talking to ourselves. They are potential partners who are interested. Their comments also offer an important rebuttal to all those degrading insults tossed at us, such as, “no man wants you” or “they just want y’all for sex”. You know?

    At the end of the day, who black women decide to have as partners has nothing to do with black men, we’re not their community property.

    Thanks for stopping by, Ran Ran. Feel free to comment again.

65. Cherie
    January 24th, 2012 @ 1:34 PM

    I am extremely late on this but I completely agree on this article and a lot of the comments on here. I’m a 20 year old bw that loves to date white guys and men of other races and I steer clear of the ones that have a large group of black friends and imitate stereotypical black male behavior. I can’t stand it, give me an “Ambecrombie” any day lol. He doesn’t have to wear that type of clothing but I love the hockey shirt, converse wearing white guys at my college lol.

    GoldenAh: Hello Cherie! Lovely name you have.

    You sound like you know exactly what to look out for: staying clear of thuggish behavior. Good for you.

    I wish you well, young lady.

    Thank you for stopping.

66. Olivia
    January 30th, 2012 @ 9:48 AM

    Just what I need, a white guy “schooled” by the brothas about black women.

    NO THANKS!

    Not only would I want someone not poisoned by black men talking to him, I would want someone not poisoned by listening to rap or hip-hop music. The most damaging caricatures of black women are drawn by black men in person, or in music, or in a movie (thanks, Tyler Perry).

    I don’t want a guy that has a lot of misconeptions about black women in his mind before we even meet. I want a guy that looks at me as an unknown quantity when we meet, someone where he can fill in the blanks as he gets to know me, in terms of what kind of woman I am.

    GoldenAh: Couldn’t have said it better, Olivia. It’s better that the man gets to know the real you. Hopefully, he’s not contaminated by stereotypes from people who should be uplifting our image(s) and should know better!

    Thank you for your thoughts on this.

67. Karen
    February 17th, 2012 @ 8:56 PM

    This is so undeniably TRUE. One of the other comments said it all: “Black men are like press agents in reverse for black women”. They’ll tell anyone (loudly) that will listen about how bad black women are.

    (DERISIVE SNORT) Our brothers!

    GoldenAh: In the long run, the negativity will reflect back on them.

68. David
    May 30th, 2012 @ 12:35 AM

    I’m absolutely fascinated by this blog, Goldenah. It reads like half a people yearning to breathe free. You make a great argument that it matters little if the other half(BM)come along on the journey. I guess I’d like to hear from BM on their thoughts on BW leaving them to their street corners and aimlessness. At some point BM are going to look around at a barren landscape and wonder why they only see sharp edges and gray skies. They will more and more have to come to terms with the incontrovertible fact that BW are standing on the other side of a great divide. Will they stare across wistfully wondering what happened? Will they lash out? Will some change? Like I said, this is most illuminating. You folks keep on writing so I can keep on reading. Yee haw!!!

69. Dee Dee Russell
    May 30th, 2012 @ 3:47 AM

    Hi Betty! For Black Women Only on Facebook reposted this topic/link on their page and I told them this lil tale about the time back in the day that I dated a WM who was trying to be hiphop/down with da brothas from the basketball court, so I’ll share it here as a cautionary tale about dating WM who are friendly BM from Blackistan.

    When the BF introduced me to the BM I could tell they were resentful of him & jealous=dangerous & I warned him but like a typical dumbass liberal he told me that I was paranoid, and he’d continue to pal with them at the basketball court…oKay! I listened to my gut instinct and never again hung around those men! (To all the WM reading this -when a BW tells you that someone is dangerous, believe them!)

    Not long afterward, one fine early evening …da bros came to visit Mr. dumbass liberal…with a gun. Yup. It was home invasion robbery time. They took everything of value except his life!

    Just recently I shocked the socks off a well-to do (so!!) single, age appropriate WM – I said no to his offer for a date. Why? He spoke with a hiphop accent, dressed in the hiphop style.

    Hell to the naw!

70. Deborrah Cooper
    September 11th, 2012 @ 12:36 AM

    Excuse you! It’s not hell no. You got to put some sistah in it… HELL TO THE NAW!!! LOL

    GoldenAh: Hello Deborrah! It is awesome to hear from you.

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