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For Black Women: When Your Choices Make Other People Or Your “Friends” Mad

Posted on | June 4, 2010 | 21 Comments

The following comment, and question, was sent to me by the intelligent and lovely Chocolatestar:

I wanted to send you this video and get your thoughts on this. I’m not sure if it’s just me and my strong opinionated personality, but i’m quite tired of black women bashing other black women, who call black men out on their self destructing behavior and hatred for their women.

Is it a crime to not be attracted to their characteristics( emotionally damaged, etc) or even want to take risks on black men, especially after observing the resulting trends.

I’m so tired of hearing how there are so many good black men out here, if i was interested in them I would be saying where they at, where they at. It’s funny who this chick ended up with after all.

I just recently ended a friendship with a bw, who was a christian extremist.

I sent her your essay on “Why white men are better” and she flipped her lid, saying that she has a black son and will never sabotage black men, because she love them so much and will only date a black man (yet the best man she ever had, her words, was a guy who was a drug dealer her babies daddy and eventually got shot down) and anyone blogging and reading essays bashing black men needs help.

Yet many have ran her through the dirt She went too far excusing their trending behavior with bible versus and the antebellum era. I tired to tell her that the essay to me was a clever way of counterbalancing the attacks bestowed upon black women who prefer white men over the ” kings” of the world bm ( yeah right).

Anyway I probably could rant more, but I have a test in the morning.

“Resurrection” – The Lost Black Man

I left out the video link. There are dozens, if not more, videos made by “strong”, “angry”, and “resentful” ultra-black wo/men demanding black women regard all black males with adoration, worship, reverence, and extreme diffidence. To place the value of any man before God tells you well enough that some people are a few fries short of a $1 happy meal.

There are people who believe black women compete (in any arena) with black men. It’s an amazing fallacy that has little merit in the real, mainstream, global, and international patriarchal world. Black women mostly struggle with financial sacrificing, relationship sustaining, parenting, and “saving the black community” alone. That’s not a strong functioning matriarchal system, that’s living with male abandonment.

Black men are in competition with other men
. All men are. It’s a man’s world. That’s never changed, and never will. The fact is black men lost – roughly 500 years ago. It’s likely they’re never going to catch up. At least, not for the next 100 years.

Black women cannot win it for them, no matter how hard they try to “man up” and do it. Which is why there are black women on YouTube, blogs, writing books, making hostile comments, and singing songs trying to “resurrect” black males back into the game. It wont work by encouraging an orgasmic savoring of masochism, sexism, and racism amongst black women, or false idol worship of black men. Her loss is not a black male’s gain.

But hey, good luck with that strategy folks. We can see from the last 30 plus years how well that’s worked out.

Friend of My Friend, Friend of My Enemy

I’d advise you not to argue with your friends, non-friends, and strangers about the men you may choose as a partner in life. No one actually has a say in the matter. What they think is irrelevant. If we go to them about these issues, it’s like we are looking for their acceptance. And we really cannot have that, can we? Do we go to the poor on how to become rich?

I’d also suggest you let your friends be if they are the ride-or-die, or black men only, type. We’d all like to be on the same page with our friends, but sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. However, since this person is vehemently against non-black men to the point of belligerent, irrational racism, and it will cause you personal pain (and don’t we always run into people like that?), then yeah, you are right to cut them loose.

As for the video, you may be surprised, but my feeling about the criticism of black women like us from militant black wo/men is: C’est la vie. Shrug. I don’t care. Sure, sometimes I’d like to smack some sense into them. Yet, if the Titanic is sinking, and they don’t care: What’s there for us to worry about? Our goal is to make sure we are not on the ship with them.

To a degree we love (most) of our people(s). We’d love to see all of them behave rationally, intelligently, do well, and be happy. But at the end of the day – we all gotta choose our own paths. We have to worry about our own happiness first and foremost.

So I ask you, ignore the hate, don’t seek these forums / idiotic people out. It’ll make you miserable.

You sound like you have your life together, so keep on pressing on. ‘Cause when you listen to these morons, whether you think it affects you or not, you may end up sabotaging yourself in the future.

The subconscious is one hell of a thing to get a handle on.

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21 Responses to “For Black Women: When Your Choices Make Other People Or Your “Friends” Mad”

  1. yellowmoon
    June 4th, 2010 @ 11:21 PM

    I’ll tell you what happened when I sent the link of that same post (Why White Men Are A Better Choice) to a friend of mine. She sent me back an email telling me not to believe everything I read on the internet, that this “Betty Chambers” was obviously a white guy pretending to be a BW.

    GoldenAh: Wow, I’ve been called a lot of things, but a white man? ROTFL. That’s new. But wouldn’t I be a bisexual one since I’ve expressed so much appreciation for white men? :D

    She said that no black woman would ever write something like that, and that the intent of the post was for white men to open the door to getting black woman to have sex with them, and at the same time, knock down the brothers. I swear to god that’s what she wrote, and she was really annoyed with me for sending her the link.

    GoldenAh: Having sex with white men. Hmmm. That’s supposed to be a problem? Hmmm. Let me think about this…. Hmmm. Having sex with white men. Sounds good to me. :D

    Next time I talked to her on the phone, she repeated this, and I started laughing, and she got really pissed off at me.

    We got some crazy stuff going on with us as BW.

    And I need to say it, because this what is real, not what she says about her black princes. My friend (she’s older than me) has two girls (10 and 6 years old), both whose fathers took a walk when they found out my friend was pregnant, and she’s never gotten a dime from either one of them, and the last guy she let live in her house had to be forcibly removed by the police when they had a fight and broke up.

    GoldenAh: Why do they insist on moving a guy in? Why? I had a friend ask me this (she’s a bit like your friend) about what if I met a guy with a house. I own mine. My answer was, “We buy one together. Sell both, or sell one, rent out the other, or rent out both.” But move him into my place? Nope.

    Couple of years back a guy I knew was feeling around that issue with me. I started laughing and said, “You trying to make reservations for a new place to sleep at?” He was the kind of black dude who goes to reside from girlfriend to girlfriend. Never has a spot of his own. Funny.

    And this is no woman in the projects, she’s had a good job with the state for 16 years, has a degree, owns her own home, etc. She is solidly middle-class in income. But, still hanging on to the whole “good black man” thing, waiting for that day when he is going to show up. I get to listen to her tell me about every new man, how this could be the one. He never is, though. Also I’ve warned her several times about allowing these guys to move in, considering she has her two young girls in the house, but she assures me that she can tell “if some dude’s perverted like that”. Yeah, just like she’s such a good judge of character about these guys in other ways, right?

    She tells me all this crap about great black men and all the proof otherwise she needs is right in her own life, right in front of her, and I’m the one that is gullible, reading stuff on the internet from black women that are really white men. And, I’m crazy for going out with my white boyfriend because all they want is sex from a black woman.

    GoldenAh: I thought the stereotype was that they didn’t find us attractive to begin with. So which one is it: All sex all the time? Or what no man wants?

    She says I don’t see no ring on your finger. Which is true, although I bet I’m a lot closer to that now than she will ever be. But, I don’t have two kids from two different baby daddies in my house, either. Yeah I’m the one that doesn’t have any sense, right?

    Le Sigh.

    It really wears you down, dealing with dysfunction like this. It’s exhausting sometimes. We are allready drifting apart, and I’ve known her for 9 years, and it sucks, but what can you do? This is a big fault line between us.

    GoldenAh: {Virtual hugs.} I know it hurts. She insists on being miserable, and you’re not obligated to join the club, since you two are pulling in different directions.

    At the end of the day, a friend, a real friend should be happy you have a man who loves you. If she (or he) cannot do that, what are they good for then?

    And thanks for stopping by, yellowmoon. Nice to hear from you again. :D

  2. girl noir
    June 5th, 2010 @ 11:04 AM

    I wonder how many times that link was sent to someone else. I sent it to a couple of my girls, too.

    The comments here don’t surprise me because I’ve had the same strong reaction from other BW when I’ve mentioned IR dating. Why would you even want to do such a thing, they say. It’s a slap in the face to our brothas, they say. You just need more patience and you have to make things easier for OUR black men.

    GoldenAh: Now, that – that’s crazy talk right there. Where in the order of the universe is it a woman’s job to baby a supposedly grown man? Men take care of women. They’ve got their gender roles mixed up! Black women aren’t the property of the “brothas”. We belong to ourselves.

    I’m gonna pass on all that. I want a real man, not a boy in a 30 year old body.

    There are a lot of sistahs that seem intent on doing whatever they can to enable black men to never grow up, never be responsible, never have to hold down a job, never have to own up to paternity, etc.

    Not me.

    GoldenAh: Nurturing is necessary for babies and toddlers, but even children need to learn to be responsible. I don’t understand the drive to baby an adult male. It’s mentally unsanitary.

    However, why should they care so much about black women being with non-black men? That’s too much male identification for my taste. Who cares what the “brothas” think? I never did. I don’t worry about the opinion of black male strangers. They mean nothing to me.

    Black women, like all others, are free to be with any man, regardless of race.

    Thanks for stopping by. :D

  3. Tysa
    June 5th, 2010 @ 4:09 PM

    Yeah, my aunt gave me that talk about making things easier for the brothas. She told me I shouldn’t talk about work or even mention college until I know the man better, because he might think I’m all “bougie”. And she reminded me that there are plenty of black chicks that will lay down for a nice looking brotha on the first date (and all of them do it by the second date), so I can’t be stuck up. Cuz sometimes I’m like that with men, she said.

    GoldenAh: Yeah, we’re too picky! Who do we think we are? Like other women or something? :)

    So, I’m supposed to welcome my black brothers with open arms and open legs, cause that’s what they’d like? Oh, okay. Oh yeah, and make sure you don’t hurt their feelings talking about an education they don’t have and a job they don’t have. Poor things, they’re so sensitive, I guess.

    WTH, right!?!?

    I told her none of this was an issue because I hadn’t gone out with any black guys for almost two years and I couldn’t see that happening ever again in the future. Wow, did it get ugly there in my mom’s kitchen!

    You can’t change your relatives, but you can stay the hell away from them, so that’s the plan now. And then my mother had the nerve to tell me I hurt my aunt’s feelings, and she (my mother) was mad at me for that. SMDH!

    GoldenAh: LOL. Women really like to endorse this coddling spoiled brat initiative for grown men. Fathers don’t get all that sensitive with their boys. They’re busy trying to turn them into men, and they wont be delicate with regards to their feelings either.

    I feel y’all on the aggravation caused by friends and family, but these tales are sorta hilarious too. :D

    Thanks for stopping by Tysa. ;)

  4. Leone
    June 5th, 2010 @ 9:43 PM

    This just cracked me up completely:

    “So, I’m supposed to welcome my black brothers with open arms and open legs, cause that’s what they’d like?”

    OMG, that’s funny.

    You gotta laugh to keep from cryin’…

    GoldenAh: It is funny, right? :D

    Couldn’t agree more. Thanks for stopping by, Leone. :)

  5. Destini
    June 6th, 2010 @ 10:38 AM

    You know, having a lot of friends is great and all, but ultimately, you have to rely on your own moral compass to make your life decisions.

    GoldenAh: Trust your gut! Think about what works best for you!

    Getting advice or input from friends (or relatives) is helpful sometimes, but is useless when the people you’re getting advice from don’t know what they’re talking about. What is the old saying? “In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.”

    Don’t advice from anyone about anything (dating, what car to buy, diet, clothes, etc) that they themselves know very little (or nothing) about. And unfortunately, that covers a lot subjects when we’re talking about many of the black people I know. I hate to say it, but it’s true. And it’s another reason I love the internet so much.

    Anyway, all I’m saying, always consider the source whenever someone is trying to give you the benefit of their “wisdom”.

    GoldenAh: High-five. :D

    And some of the advice is straight-up crazy.

    Thanks for the input Destini. :)

  6. Southland Diva
    June 6th, 2010 @ 5:33 PM

    Hey GA,

    Thanks for checking out my blog!!!

    I have a friend trying to hook me up with a guy who is divorced has two children and consequently, ex-wife issues because of the children. This person stepped out of his marriage (something he admitted to me) for years.

    My friend says he’s learned a lot since his marriage and that he is now a good (black) man because he wants to get to know me for me, not for physical reasons…..

    So let me get this straight, a man who is 8 or nine years older than me; with two children; who was/is challenged in the fidelity department; who has little money because of child support; who has ex-wife drama……this is who you want to hook me up with?????!!!!

    I might be in my forties, but I am not desperate or crazy.

    [A total aside: In my spinsterhood (not originally a negative term) I shall have one tiny, annoying Yorkie/Poo rather than the nine cats.... ;-)]

    I can’t help but wonder what the heck was she thinking!!!

    I. Am. Not. Settling!

    Peace

    GoldenAh: He’s breathing (mouth optional). He has a job (maybe). That’s all we “picky” sistahs require. :D

    I don’t forgive any man if he abandons his family, especially where young children are concerned. I know a guy (WM) who made sure that his wife couldn’t move miles away with the children (I think he kept them most of the time). He was smart enough to have that put in the divorce agreement. I respect that.

    I hear you. I had a flaming hot temper (volcanic). I know me. I know when it’s my time. When I’m ready, I’m ready.

    Cheers. :D

  7. Oshun/Aphrodite
    June 6th, 2010 @ 7:39 PM

    “And she reminded me that there are plenty of black chicks that will lay down for a nice looking brotha on the first date (and all of them do it by the second date), so I can’t be stuck up. Cuz sometimes I’m like that with men, she said.”

    WOW. Um wow. This is so sad disturbing and upsetting on so many levels. Thank God you aren’t listening to your crazy aunt. Does she know what she is saying to you.


    GoldenAh
    : I was looking for words to describe it, and it came to me: familial malpractice.

    I pray for those who are actually heeding this kind of advice.

    Nice to hear from you Oshun/Aphrodite. :)

  8. Sky
    June 6th, 2010 @ 8:19 PM

    So let me get this straight, a man who is 8 or nine years older than me; with two children; who was/is challenged in the fidelity department; who has little money because of child support; who has ex-wife drama……this is who you want to hook me up with?????!!!!

    -Southland Diva

    I couldn’t believe what I was reading then again, this is the new hook-up for bw who are dating nothing but a bm. I remember a friend of mine suggested that I should date a certain guy, because she thought he was a good match. I asked her to describe him to me and what’s his life story. Apparently this man owns a barbershop, has cars, BUT is an ex-convict. He has NEVER stuck to one woman, and has god knowns how many children. I looked at her and asked “what in the hell made you think he would be a good match for me? you yourself don’t even want him, but you think I would?”. She was dead silent. I knew from that point she’s never to set me up with any blind dates no matter how “good of a match” the man might be. Ridiculous! I have better chances with match.com

    As far as talking about IR dating…I only reserve that with people I know who are ready for that conversation. And if they go into “I can’t wait for you sky to find a good bm” I look them square in the eye and go “I want to find a good man, regardless of his race, I rule no one out“. They know where I stand and we don’t have to have the coddling bm conversation cause I’m not going; there it’s a tired and pathetic subject.

    GoldenAh: Yes, a good man of any race. Although it wouldn’t hurt if he looked like Daniel Henney. http://bettychambers.com/?p=125 :D

    This desperate bm hookup has the feel of: “Oh look, look, girlfriend! There goes a BM now. If you take off your shoes, holla at him, and run fast enough you might catch him!” :D

    Thanks for stopping by, Sky! :)

  9. Sol2Sol
    June 7th, 2010 @ 1:44 PM

    I told my mother I was dating a white boy when I was a freshman two years ago, and she just wrote it off to a combination of teenage rebellion and experimentation. She’s never mentioned it again, it’s just like that conversation never happened. And here’s the thing, my mother is 1/4 white herself!

    I think she is just waiting for me to “come around”. Every time I’m home she tries to set me up with the sons of other black women she knows.

    My friends? They’re cool, all of them, black, white, asian, hispanic. There is a lot of interracial mixing and matching in the crowd I hang with, so it’s cool. IF it wasn’t cool with one of them, then I’d probably just kick them to the curb as friend, you know?

    Still, I think you would be surprised at how many black girls in college are sticking to the “nothing but a BM” deal. They don’t get a lot of dates on campus. Maybe they’re going home or off-campus and hooking up with a black guy, I don’t know.

    It’s nothing that was planned, but I haven’t dated a brother since I started college. A couple of super-nice white guys, and now a big guy that’s half-Korean and half-white. He is foine, ladies.

    GoldenAh: It’s good to hear that the college crowd isn’t uptight about it.

    Oh, I bet that half-Korean half-white is foine as hell…. :D

    Thanks for stopping by Sol2Sol, love the feedback. :)

  10. olderandwiser
    June 7th, 2010 @ 3:29 PM

    If you pursuing a measure of happiness, love and contentment in your life makes your friends unhappy, just get some new friends, seriously.

    When you get older (like I am), you’ll wonder why you even cared what that person thought about your love life. Believe me. It will all just seem funny and far away that you even thought about it.

    GoldenAh: Back flip, high-five. Amen. :D

  11. Bellydancer
    June 9th, 2010 @ 9:19 AM

    I don’t know how bw date at some of these black colleges either they don’t or they share their men and that is too tacky for me especially of you have another option or even another college down the street filled with men of all races that won’t play games.
    I have friends that went to all black schools and they did get married but the men put them through all kinds of mess.

    GoldenAh: Wish I went away to college. I stayed home. Cheaper in the long run, but I know I missed a few things. I went to mostly black public schools. There was no way I was going to an all black college. I had enough of that. I wanted to meet other people.

    Better to be alone than have a man drag you down a hell hole. :) I’ll never understand the sacrificial-lamb mentality of some women. My Mom (heck, my entire family) would be horrified and angry at any man trying to treat me like garbage. Then again, I wouldn’t put up with it for a hot minute.

    Hey Bellydancer, thanks for stopping by. :D

  12. Creme de Coco
    June 9th, 2010 @ 11:26 AM

    Even though I’m bi-racial, I look black, and I dated black men while in school. When I told my mother I was going to date white guys, she said, “good, because the black men now ain’t s*&%.”

    GoldenAh: Momma doesn’t play, does she? :D

    Yeah, my mom is black. My dad was white. He passed three years ago in a car accident.

    GoldenAh: Aw, so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. {virtual hugs}

    My mom’s brothers and sisters aren’t happy about it though and have all let me know that, repeatedly. My mom, god love her, told me to (politely, she said) tell them to go to hell. She told me, with tears in her eyes, that she wanted me to get the best man possible for myself.

    I love my mom.

    GoldenAh: Your Mom sounds awesome. :D

  13. Christelyn D. Karazin
    June 12th, 2010 @ 11:36 AM

    I personally believe that putting the onus upon black women to uplift and adore all black men regardless of whether they are good, bad, educated or criminals, breeding studs, rich, poor, smart, dumb or toothless has made many black men lazy with an in enormous sense of entitlement. We black women are “obligated” to be available to the black men even when they are free to roam about the racial landscape. Are we not deserving of happiness and love? I personally have put down the torch. I’m taking my marbles and going home. Game over.

    GoldenAh: Wherever this cultural messy mindset started it has to end. Now. These guys don’t feel that we should be shown any courtesy or treated with the respect that they lavishly bestow on non-black women. And it’s doggone funny. The world would be a better place if all men and women just exercised common courtesy and didn’t expect freebies, getting over, or extras based on skin color.

    BTW, I really like your blog. :D

    Thanks for stopping by, Christelyn.

  14. Sherylynn
    June 14th, 2010 @ 1:58 PM

    Tysa, I hate to say it, but your aunt is speaking the truth about all these sisters that will give any good looking brother whatever they want on the first date. The “nice” girls are on their backs on the second date, they hold out a little longer.

    And that’s what’s expected by any nice looking BM that’s also got any kind of money, no matter how small. He knows there are plenty of black women to choose from in his world.

    Of course, when he is running after Becky or Conchita, then the whole thing gets flipped around, he’s as patient as he needs to be. The usual dynamic between men and women then applies.

    The dynamic between him and black women is one where he is the one metering out his valuable attention and affection to some fortunate BW. And if you’re a black woman that is dark, or overweight, or whatever, then, you’re just lucky to even be in the same room with him.

    Black women to most black men (even the ones without money or a job) are just a way to pass the time. Hey, it’s better than using your hand, right? And if you they give you some money or let you use their car, or give you a crash pad for awhile, then that’s just a nice bonus while you’re out trolling for more strange stuff.

    You made the right decision, gurl. Go out with the guys that will give you some measure of respect. And stay away from your aunt’s “advice”.

    GoldenAh: Nothing for me to add. :D

    Thanks for stopping by, Sherylynn. :)

  15. MaryAnne
    June 15th, 2010 @ 11:33 PM

    You are right, Betty.

    One thing you hear from black men repeatedly is that black women “won’t let them be men”. They say that black women want to be men.

    But, haven’t black women been pushed into that capacity by black men abdicating their responsibilities to their women, their families and their communities?

    Nature abhors a vacuum, and the empty space created by our black men deciding to do as little as possible in terms of marriage and family has to be filled by something or someone.

    The someone in this case is black women.

    GoldenAh: And the wonderful thing in this day and age, is that it’s not necessary anymore. The walls have come down. The world is our oyster. We can go anywhere and do anything, and we don’t need anyone’s permission. Our ancestors must be rejoicing at our freedom(s). All we have to do is recognize that we have them.

    Thanks for the input, MaryAnne. Great to hear from you. :D

  16. Valerie
    June 16th, 2010 @ 2:51 PM

    Some of these women need to see Jesus. They are making themselves cheap and whore and the man will still not want them, even if he is a good looking and they lie down on the first or second date. What is wrong with these women.

    There is nothing wrong with getting a black man, but get a quality man. These women who give so called ‘advice’ their lives are in a mess. They are too blind to see. You cannot keep a man through sex, even if you get a baby for him, that won’t keep him. Let a man think you are worthy and act worthy, if he wants to go off let him and God bless him.

    There is too much black man worship, you should only worship God, not man, and definitely not a black man!

    GoldenAh: I just read an article written by a purported college graduate going on about dating a “good brotha” ex-con / UPS driver / garbage man – as a first resort – as opposed to finding her comparative equal among non-black men.

    She was making a loyalty oath and wanted others to join her in this cult madness. Whereas black men go on day and night about having the right to find love wherever and with whomever they want.

    Why are some black women so vested in keeping other black women from finding non-black quality men? There’s no sin in making sure that a man is able to provide, comes from a stable background, is ambitious and intellectually compatible.

    Amen! You rockin’ and rollin’ Valerie! :D

  17. Oshun/Aphrodite
    June 16th, 2010 @ 5:52 PM

    @ “They are making themselves cheap and whore and the man will still not want them, even if he is a good looking and they lie down on the first or second date. What is wrong with these women.”

    Women used to get solid info about men from other women elders. Also most normal communities had sanctioned outlets for young people to socialize and pair off/pair up for dating and marriage. This continues in other more functional communities in some fashion.

    But with BW they are getting nothing, but bad advice from all sides. Look at Tysa’s example. Her aunt, an elder I presume, is encouraging her to put it all out there up front.

    She is not the only one. I have had people suggest that to me in the past. Thank God none of my family members, but just think if that is how you were raised; if your mom thinks, feels, acts, and instructs you this way, all your aunts, cousins, women friends etc.. and you are underexposed, this is all you know, you would think this is normal and what you have to do to have a relationship.

    You may be aware the results aren’t what you want, but you probably wouldn’t see this as cheapening yourself considering that everyone around you, including those you love and trust are doing the same?

    The same with Southland Diva and the example she gave, for some people, like the person who was trying to set her up – this garbage is normal.

    The whole moral compass is off. These behaviors have become normalized.

    GoldenAh: Good points Oshun/Aphrodite. Nothing for me to add. :D

  18. Likewaterforchocolat
    July 1st, 2010 @ 2:38 PM

    I just read the post about the college grad who married the ex-con/UPS guy as a first resort. The reason for this is one of 2 things. She either set her expectations extremely low, so there was no room for disappointment or …She is one of those good girl/educated sisters who needs a “soldier.” She will be the one who will be able to tell her friends the fairytale of the college grad who found her diamond in the rough(neck)who found Allah (and herpes) in prison while having her UPS packages delivered.
    GoldenAh: Wasn’t that Disappearing Acts with Snipes and Sanaa Lathan? I wouldn’t be surprised if the girl was inspired by that book / flick. :D

    I look at stories like this and it makes me laugh. I visited my mother in SC for Mother’s Day and took her to a restaurant to eat. I had just finished my last MBA class. She actually pressed me to give the Jamaican server who brought us water and silverware my phone number. She said that I should at least give him a chance. By the time I go to the bathroom and come back, she has gotten the stats. He’s unmarried, 35, and has a 10 month-old. Of all the men that I should give a chance, she picks this one. He is really laying it on thick with how romanic he is, will treat me like a queen, he can cook great Jamaican cuisine (because that’s important in a man). I live in Atlanta and if I date a man who lives 4 hours away, it will definitely be worth my while.

    Hell, I can cook, clean and can even sew.

    GoldenAh: I was at my folks cracking jokes on Tiger having to give up $750 mil to his wife (white), Michael Strahan’s Sambo-like ads ’cause he’s gotta give the ex-wife (white) nearly 70% of what he makes, and how Puffy used to dispute child support payments to his baby mamma (black), but wanted to marry JLo (might as well be white).

    I was saying give a black guy a few million, and the first thing he thinks about is how fast can he give it to a white woman. Yet we get told to give the first near-homeless black guy a chance. Say what? So how come no one is badgering these brothas to marry, and give their millions to black women? Oh I know, because guys don’t listen to their mothers, and mothers like to lay all the responsibility at their daughter’s doors. So not cool.

    You getting an MBA is a world class ticket to anywhere. That’s a great thing to have. After all your hard work you don’t need to be carrying any dude on your back. They too heavy anyway. :D

  19. Silverbell212
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 12:24 AM

    I’m a 19 yr old black girl and I’m reading your blogs and these comments and I’m like maybe I should be writing this stuff down because y’all are helping me see that you don’t have to settle or try to make those around you happy while you’re being miserable. Y’all are also pointing some warning signs out there that I should look for too. Plus I’m glad I’m not the only person who feels the same way about certain things that I’m just not ready or willing to talk to my family about. So thank you ALL. I’d probably be lost forever or until I get to old to be able to enjoy anything. Please ignore my punctuation or lack of I’m just not feelin it right now.

  20. Buckwheat
    May 28th, 2012 @ 8:47 PM

    I’m a white guy who’s getting a great education reading this blog. I just want to thank you all for your honesty. May every one of you find your way to personal freedom. Thank you all!!!

  21. Kel Mcqueen
    May 20th, 2014 @ 4:58 AM

    If you have a moment, I would love for you to check out my video, Death Of The Bad B***ch, Rebirth Of The Black Woman, touching on the state of black women today, and encouraging them that they are more than what society says they are. I am sending this to you because I follow your site and I like what I see, Would love if you could share my video on your site and I would love feedback as well on the subject if you could let me know what you think. Thank you so much for your support. http://youtu.be/Jsg2RgNm8I8

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