Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion. Why? Because It's Good For Ya! And Sometimes I Write about Natural Hair, Among Other Things

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For Black Women: Please Have Sex With White Men

Posted on | August 12, 2010 | 117 Comments

That got your attention, didn’t it?

Apparently, my old, old post Why White Men are a Better Choice was interpreted (by the mentally handicapped and functionally illiterate) as a heartfelt plea for black women everywhere to sex it up with all the nearest and available white men.

It seems that I’ve been successful at convincing “quality good black women” to go find themselves a white man and ignore all the “good black men” a.k.a. purple unicorns out there. I had no idea I had so much power.

Will everyone please help make me a multimillionaire?

I never mentioned sex. I mentioned marriage. Quite delightfully, black women who are married to or dating white men provided the most lovely, heartfelt and wonderful testimonies and feedback. Nearly all of them wanted or had a husband, nearly each and every one of them was reasonably happy with a man, who happened to be white, who treated them with respect, love, devotion, and protection (emotional and financial).

As far I’m concerned, a happy black woman is a wonderful thing. Interesting how people who worry about black women having sex with white men, never concern themselves with her happiness. Well, it’s because they don’t care about black women in the first place, but we already know that.

You’ve Heard This Propaganda Before

I’ll briefly go over the reasons people are against black women / white men unions. Tell me if it all doesn’t sound familiar.

In the following paragraphs, the “he” I’m referring to is a white man.

  1. He (the white man) just wants sex. Ans. So? Men like sex.  So do a healthy number of women. I’d be disturbed if a guy was with me and didn’t want sex. I don’t mean jump in the sack immediately, but if he never showed any attraction, I’d be like: What’s up with that?
  2. He’ll use you and leave you. Ans. Black women are having more children out of wedlock with the “brothas” than those married to purple unicorns.
    • LeBron James recently referred to his baby mama as a “sidekick”. Isn’t he supposed to be a purple unicorn? He’s leaving the sidekick and spawn behind while he seeks out lighter and brighter pastures in Miami. Anyone want to put money on a bet that his next chick will be Latina or white and he’ll want to marry her?
  3. White men raped our great-great-(number of greats may vary) grandmothers. Ans. I wont trivialize slavery or Jim Crow or any era people suffered through. However, I’m not a slave, and I’m not living in the past.
    • Today’s white man isn’t the one raping and abusing black women in record numbers (see Dunbar Village and other atrocities). Plus, with the number of black men chasing down, co-habitating, and marrying white women, it is apparent the “brothas” have forgiven white women for getting black men lynched back in those days.
    • Black men have no problem treating white women like queens, giving them all of his money, and by extension white men. I’ve always noticed that if a negro makes a lot of money, the first thing he’ll do is find a white woman to give it to.
    • So what’s wrong with a black woman being with a white man who will marry her, stay around to raise the kids, provide financial support, and all that good stuff?
  4. His johnson is pink. Ans. Don’t underestimate the power of pink. Your stuff is pink too. (TMI coming: the color of his johnson may vary anyway.)
  5. His johnson isn’t big. Ans. How would you know the actual johnson size of 100 plus million men? Yes, that’s right there are over 100 million white men in America. Do all the black men who keep telling you this: have they peeked at all of them? Do all the black women who claim this: have they slept with all of them? And why are they obsessed with that?
  6. He can’t satisfy a black woman. Ans. At least he’s willing to use his tongue. For hours. Nuff said.
  7. It hurts black men to see black women with white men. Ans. Do any of those negroes out there who talk about how perfectly beautiful or hot the Kardashians, or any white women they are with, worry about any black women’s feelings? Don’t you get tired of hearing: “Black women are this and that – that’s why I only date white women”?
    • Whether the black male is a family relation, friend, or a stranger you call a “brotha” who you date, sex, mate, and marry is really NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Their overinflated, easily bruised, excessively touchy, delicate and fragile egos are not worth the PRICE OF YOUR HAPPINESS. Frankly, if these negroes aren’t taking care of you and yours they need to GET LOST with a quickness.
    • Their opinions aren’t worth a bucket of warm spit, and mine isn’t either. I’m certainly not here to tell you what to do.
  8. White men don’t find black women attractive, or they will not make you a wife. Ans. Does the number who are attracted really matter? You only need one good man.
    • White men / black women have the lowest rates of divorce, even over white men with white women, and especially black men married to anybody even black women. Your own personal mileage will vary.
    • At least with white men you can statistically find one that will actually like your hair, your complexion, your beautiful skin, your loving spirited personality, and just be into you, because you are an AWESOME BLACK WOMAN.
  9. Your children will grow up confused. Ans. This last one is my hypothesis: folks just don’t want to see the children of black women by white men receive the kind of privileges some white children have. If all black kids are in dire straights together people are comforted by that. However, if the exception turns out to be these children….
  10. Good black men exist! Ya’ll just want thugs. Ans. I never said disregard purple unicorns. If a black woman, or anybody, can find those extra 2 million plus purple unicorns that black women need for companionship, then wonderful!!! You’ve achieved a major miracle.

Now, that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’ll repeat the header: Please have sex with white men.

Update: I’m always thrilled to get input by men. Frank M. just knocks it out of the park!

Betty.  I decided to write my own answers for their arguments.  Feel free to use or just read if you’re interested.

1.    He (the white man) just wants sex. Ans.  Companionship, friendship, and emotional support during good times and bad are just as important in any relationship.  BW, in my experience, are fiercely loyal and supportive to those they love, so choosing to date a BW is NOT just about sex.  How can BM use this argument with a straight face with all the fatherless kids running around the BC anyway?  If anyone has PROVEN (through their actions) and promoted (through their music) that they just want sex, it’s BM.

2.    White men raped our great-great-(number of greats may vary) grandmothers. Ans. What is more of a danger to a BW today?  A man who has been dead for a hundreds of years??  Or the group of men harassing her on the street today?  BM don’t rape?  African countries are dealing with rape at epidemic proportions.  And that is in within THIS decade.  Rape within the black community in America is swept under the rug, but we all know it exists.  I would argue that within the last 100 years, rape of BW is done by BM, not WM.

3.    His johnson is pink. Ans. Actually it’s light brown, but thanks for being interested. LOL

GoldenAh: I fell out of my chair at this one. :D

4.    His johnson isn’t big. Ans.  Judging by the compliments I’ve received from bw in bed, it’s big ENOUGH.  LOL.  All jokes aside, part of the reason BM are in the position they are in is because they judge too much of their masculinity and pride on something that doesn’t define a man.  Being a man is about a lot more than your physical body.  Choosing to identify all of your self-worth on one body part you had no control over is idiotic.  This myth came from racists attempting to scare WW out of fornicating with blacks due to potential injury.

As humorous as that sounds, BM took this racist myth and made it a source of pride.   They did the same thing with the “N” word.  Neither of those reversals of racist ideas has benefited BM or black people in general.  It’s time to let go of both of these.  Most of us (non-BM) aren’t buying it anymore either.  We’ve seen too many examples of BM who aren’t packing and it only gives all the average-sized BM an unnecessary inferiority complex that leads them to try and “prove” their manhood by acting like hyper-sexual, aggressive, violent homophobes or the super black militant crazies who secretly date WW.  LOL Ok that last part was my personal theory.

5.    He can’t satisfy a black woman. Ans.  (Rolls eyes)  Why?  Are they are different species?  Didn’t seem all that difficult to me.  If they keep coming back for more, maybe I’m doing something right?  I’ve met tall, thick, big-hipped women with smaller “canals” so the idea that they can’t be satisfied due to body type is ridiculous.

GoldenAh: Men can be so frank. :D

6.    It hurts black men to see black women with white men. Ans. Whose issue is that?  Hers?  Or yours.  Get over it.  Seeing WW with BM makes me feel nothing.  She doesn’t belong to me, and I don’t possess her just because we happen to have a similar skin tone.  Once again, get over it.  Stop living in the past, plz. Thx.

7.    White men don’t find black women attractive, or they will not make you a wife. Ans. I am a heterosexual man, therefore, I am attracted to WOMEN, of any race.  I can’t help it, it’s in my biology.  Neither can women.  If anyone to say they are not attracted to an entire ethnicity, they are LYING .  As for making a BW a wife?  Hundreds of thousands of WM have and it is the fastest growing IR union in the USA. Theory over?

8.    Your children will grow up confused. Ans. Children are individuals, and they can only be confused if they allow themselves to be confused by listening to negative/divisive opinions about who they are or should be.  Think Obama is “confused”?  Seems like a pretty well-adjusted evolved human to me.  “Pure-raced” young people feel confused all the time so that theory holds no water for me.

9.     Good black men exist! Ya’ll just want thugs. Ans. Wrong.  Women want confident, secure individuals with strength.  If thugs are the only BM’s projecting these qualities, then those of you weaker (Beta) BM might need to work on your self-confidence and attraction skills.

Also, in the white community, the alpha males are the most successful, not the least.  You won’t see them them hanging out on street corners looking “fly” or languishing in prison. And for the BM who are doing legitimately well, they seem to choose the lightest, brightest BW or non-BW who will have them.  This doesn’t leave a lot of attractive BM’s for BW to choose from.

What are they supposed to do?  Or that’s right, wait for you to come along, so you can string them along until you are done using them for your own personal desires. LOL I think BW are finally wising up to that game.

GoldenAh: As we can see here, even by casual observation a white man can see the game being played on black women. Wooo.

Awesome feedback, Frank M. Thanks.





117 Responses to “For Black Women: Please Have Sex With White Men”

  1. yellowmoon
    August 12th, 2010 @ 11:36 AM

    Oh no, you didn’t!

    I am ROTFLMBAO. Perfect, absolutely perfect.

    My comment on the sex thing? Unless you are one of those few women that can achieve sexual nirvana from vaginal intercourse only, you’re always going to be better off staying away from the brothas. Cause that is basically their thing, and nothing else. There’s nothing else in that bag of tricks. They can’t even use their hands at the same time. In and out, in and out, and then they’re gone.

    And size? Give me a break! Most black men, like most white men, are not packing like those guys you see in porn movies. Everyone is pretty much average. That’s why they call it average, because that’s what most guys are.

    If you are a black woman and you’re letting anything having to with sex influence your decision to date white men, then I feel sorry for you. YOU are missing out, and not just in terms of general happiness you could be experiencing in your life, but you are also missing out in that specific area, the sexual part of it. I’m very happy I made the switch, it is GREAT.

    GoldenAh: Great comments, yellowmoon. Thank you! :D

    I just think it’s time for (certain) people to leave black women alone, regardless of who we will, or will not, be with. We’re entirely free to discuss our relationships, or our search for them, in whatever context and way we want.

    If I flipped this list – I could have easily called it The 10 Best Ways to Keep a Black Woman Alone, Single, and Frustrated.

  2. yellowmoon
    August 12th, 2010 @ 12:10 PM

    Another thing:

    Despite my online name, I am dark. Yup, a dark-butt. I’m slim, and I’m attractive, but I’m dark. Really dark. And I wear my hair short, with some relaxer in it, but no weave, no straight hair (not even bangs). Just loose curls.

    GoldenAh: You are dark and lovely. No “buts” about it. And non-black men clearly see your beauty.. :D

    This is like some kind of poison to most of the color-struck brothers. It seems bizarre on the surface, but it’s like catnip to a lot of the white men that are interested in black women. I don’t know why, and I don’t care, I just enjoy all the attention.

    GoldenAh: I was someplace recently with a lot of black males loitering around. One of them saw a girl about Queen Latifah’s complexion chatting with a dark chocolate girl. Could you believe what he did next? He stood up, pointed at her, and said loudly, “Yeah, dat light skinned girl right there. She look nice. She’d know how to treat a man.”

    No one batted an eyelash or looked at this fool. Even his homies wouldn’t speak to him for a few minutes after that declaration.

    And what color was this genius? Straight up black. No chaser.

  3. Jemma
    August 12th, 2010 @ 4:56 PM

    One big difference between going out with white guys and black guys is that no white guy has ever tried to talk his way out of using a condom with me. Also, if you get pregnant from a white guy, you either get married or he pays child support, because I’ve seen it happen three times already over the past five years – two marriages and one arrangement with partial custody and generous child support.

    It is just plain stupid to believe that all white men are good guys, but I’d rather take my chances in that group of men than within the black male population. I hate saying it, but most black men are incredibly irresponsible when it comes to spreading their seed. And once they knock a girl up, then that woman is labeled a “golddigger” for expecting that the black father support the child that he helped bring into the world. WTF is that all about?

    BTW, those two marriages are still going strong, so tell me again how white men don’t want to marry black women?

    GoldenAh: I know none of us mean ALL when we speak in generalities. So no one on this blog has to worry about being taken out of context. Clarification and making exceptions isn’t required. You’re free to wing it. :D

    White men have a healthy, normal, vested interest in the well being and advancement of their offspring. Considering the history of black people one would assume black men too, but I’m puzzled by their lack of concern.

    If they don’t want children they can take plenty of temporary to permanent preventative measures. None of them are “trapped” into producing children.

    Black women who are exclusively into black men have to start holding them to the same high standards most, if not all, women have for men, because black children are clearly suffering, lagging, and regressing as a result of giving these guys so much slack.

    Thanks for the examples, Jemma. Real life speaks so clearly on these situations. :D

  4. Boston
    August 12th, 2010 @ 7:27 PM

    dontcha just looooove it when some ignant motherlover takes 1 or 2 sentences out of a 10 paragraph post, twist it and tried to tell you what you said. but my 2 favorites are when they say: your kid will be confused. my response? i’d rather him be confused by a white daddy than be confused by not knowing who his daddy is.

    and my 2nd favorite? there are good black men. of course. there are. but we also have 4-leaf clovers, great white wales and tiger sharks doesn’t mean i’m gonna go look for them either. my eggs have a shelf life. i don’t have time to be going on a hunt that might or might not produce results.

    GoldenAh: I call “good black men” purple unicorns, because their existence is besides the point. I wouldn’t care if black men (in regards to potential relationships) all became purple unicorns, or disappeared, it has no bearing on my interests in men. I wouldn’t miss them, because I like all kinds of men. I always have, since the time I was aware of boys. :D

    For those of us who like non-black men, whether that includes black men or not, we don’t have to explain our interests. We don’t have to explain the reasons why we like MEN. To me it’s like explaining why I like water, or enjoy breathing.

    It’s just the arrogance of people who assume that the lives of black women is something they have the right to dictate to. For a number of people black women are a resource to use, not a person with her own life, agenda, and sense of direction. I find that concept hilarious and contemptible. No one controls me. I’m not a mule.

    Thanks for stopping by, Boston! :D

  5. Jemma
    August 13th, 2010 @ 11:09 AM

    GoldenAh – yeah, I’ve heard black guys say that before, that they were “trapped” into having children, because the woman “shouldn’t have let me have sex with her if I didn’t have no protection”.

    It’s the woman’s fault for agreeing to have sex without a condom, which os what the guy was trying to talk her into in the first place. This is the Bizarro World that black men live in.

    But one thing I do want to say about the two marriages I mentioned is that both of those couples were already on the way to being married. The pregnancy news just sealed the deal, that’s all. One of those couples has since had another kid, and my friend is now a stay-at-home mom, which she loves. They have a pretty good life and a nice, happy family.

    Even the other situation where my friend took a pass on getting married (he wanted to marry her) has worked out okay, there’s never any problem with the child support payments, the father has partial custody, and the little girl’s white grandparents are just CRAZY for her. They treat her like a little princess, nothing is too good for her. They have already enrolled her in private school for her future education, and she’s only 3 years old! That is some stuff, there.

    I would tell any sista that asks, expand your relationship options! You’re a beautiful, desirable woman first, and the fact that you’re also black is way down on the list. Being black should not be the determining factor in who you date.

    You are not restricted to being with black men, no matter what anyone tells you!

    GoldenAh: Even the white grandparents are chipping in to help! Awesome. :D

    That’s what I truly think is behind some of the anti-bw/wm coupling. These children will be privileged. I think black people have reached a mindset that prefers to hear about 1 in 5 black children growing up in extreme poverty. It’s become normalized for black children to be viewed as: dysfunctional, impoverished, deprived, and broken. There’s this thinking of “let’s keep the children 110% pure black and poor” as opposed to (oh, horrors!) possibly being mixed and well off.

    I haven’t seen any blog topics covering this, but I wonder if black women are being shamed from having light or mixed children, because it’s goes against some sorta phony black nationalist keep-the-black-numbers-high agenda. It’s okay if black men do it, because his kids are “still black”, and will end up like most black kids, but I suspect black women are getting particular flack in this area.

    A black woman shouldn’t let artificially imposed racial guilt bind her and end up limiting her children’s future. She needs to find men who care about their offspring. It’s only going to get more competitive out there, and children need all the advantages they can get. That’s how all women who want a stable family think. There’s nothing self-hating about it.

    Living just to struggle isn’t pretty, authentically black, or worthwhile.

    Lemme get off my soapbox.

    Have a good weekend. :D

  6. Bellydancer
    August 13th, 2010 @ 12:55 PM

    Being single and childless I get my share of looks because I refuse to have a child out of wedlock and do not think I will ever have children. It’s like you are weird for having these values and wanting your child to have a good advantage over his/her peers.
    The only way to do this is to give your child a good start in life.
    Another thing these cretins are the first to point out that mixed children are exclusively black like that makes them feel better because your child is going to good schools, camps etc…they will also jump and try to date mixed women first chance they can.
    Hating mixed children for their skin and yet trying to get with them for perceived advantages.

    GoldenAh: You are right on the money. :D

  7. funkystarkitty50
    August 13th, 2010 @ 4:59 PM

    I stopped justifying my preferences a long time ago. Now, I don’t live to please other people especially those who want to question my Blackness. I’m sick of the stigma that BW who are involved with WM = Self Hate. On the contrary, to go after what you want and being authentic about it, is nothing but “Self Love”.

    GoldenAh: Yup, high five. :D

  8. Southland Diva
    August 13th, 2010 @ 5:29 PM


    You are not weird.

    I am single, CHILDFREE and over 40. I never wanted to have children out-of-wedlock. And I haven’t. Suprisingly I am okay with it. I have a neice I can help parent (her parents are married) and a busy life.

    I don’t know how old you are, but do not wait for the purple unicorn! Go global and find someone with whom you can share your life. Children are optional.


  9. sistuhwuman
    August 13th, 2010 @ 5:32 PM

    Goldie, you are hilarious! And this is so exactly right, too.

    Girls, take it from a another traveler on that same journey you’re on right now, and one that has been down some rough roads and blind alleys. There are a lot of white men that would like to have your company, even if they themselves don’t know it yet. Almost every white guy in America has never yet had the opportunity to have a conversation with a normal, attractive, interesting black woman, Most of them have had little or no interaction with black women like us.

    And when they get that opportunity, watch out – sparks will fly!

    This will happen for you, sooner or later, if you want it to to happen. Keep smiling at white men – they’re not used to it, but, sooner or later, one of them will be captivated by your beautiful smile.

    GoldenAh: Ladies! Listen to sistuhwuman! She has a wonderful Mr. Brooks Brothers as a husband. (Too bad his brother is taken. Le Sigh.) This is sage advice! :D

    {{Stepping away from the mic.}}

    Glad I made you laugh. :D

  10. Keena
    August 14th, 2010 @ 3:02 PM

    Having been on both sides of the racial equation between white me and black men, I have to cosign with yellowmoon about the brothers and their limited interest in anything except hitting it. Not much variety there.

    Conversely, these white boys will take you to school in bed, and I for one am all for some variety.

    And, Golden Ah, you are so right about the tongue action (wink)! A sister has to love that. At least I do!

    And I’ll tell you something else. My white boyfriend has some pretty impressive equipment, which is always a good thing, no matter what you’re doing, but the point is that he ain’t no one-trick pony. Like most of the brothas I’ve been with. Know what I’m saying? Just being real, here.

    GoldenAh: Ah, man. LOL. I think my face is turning red. It’s all good though. :D

    Great to hear from you, Keena.

  11. funkystarkitty50
    August 14th, 2010 @ 7:46 PM

    Keena, u are funny!!!

  12. Kay
    August 15th, 2010 @ 2:54 PM

    I love your title. Lol. My mouth dropped in shock. Thanks for the unexpected opportunity squeal with delight!

    GoldenAh: Thanks, Kay! :D

    I’ve been feeling rather cheeky lately. LOL.

  13. LorMarie
    August 15th, 2010 @ 5:16 PM

    Just wanted to say thanks for the catchy title, you gutsy lady! We should all be as brave as you, LOL.

    GoldenAh: That’s the taboo. Might as well claim it. LOL. :D

    Thanks for stopping by.

  14. Bellydancer
    August 16th, 2010 @ 9:46 AM

    Thank You Southland Diva for your support. I laugh everytime bm use the excuse that all bw have out of wedlock children and then look crazy at me when I say “I do not have any children.” I happen to be 40 and decided at an early age they would not be a priority. For some black folks that’s blasphemy (lol)

    GoldenAh: You’re not alone. I’ve always been ambivalent about children. I look at how black women and girls are treated in this society, and I don’t know if I could endure my little girls receiving the kind of scorn, harassment, and contempt they would be subjected to. I have a niece, and I’m happy her Daddy (my brother) is in her life looking after her. He’s married to a beautiful Southern sista.

    When I thought of having children, the men would have to be like the ones in my family: concerned about their daughters, and being there every step of the way. I wouldn’t accept less.

    There’s nothing weird about wanting a stable environment for children.

  15. Frank M.
    August 20th, 2010 @ 12:39 PM

    WM here. I had a good laugh reading this, but I couldn’t help thinking that presenting logical counter arguments to emotionally-based reasoning of insecure BM or the BC is a waste of your time. It almost validates their argument when it isn’t even worth dignifying. WM with BW makes them feel uncomfortable. That’s it. It has NOTHING to do with them looking out for your best interests or your safety, which I’m sure you’ve figured out already.

    When I was coming up I remember hearing equally stupid arguments from WM about why WW shouldn’t date BM. Men who did poorly with women in general were usually the most vocal against BM/WW unions. I heard their bitter emotions dripping off of every word and it was such a waste of energy to argue with them. There were always plenty of WW available, so the argument didn’t even make sense to begin with. I quickly realized that BM just made them feel insecure in general, and the taking of “their” women damaged their fragile egos even more. They cared nothing about WW, only that the choice to date outside of their race made them feel emasculated.

    I guess what I’m saying is the underlying feelings for men who are against IR relationships on either side is insecurity and fear, two things that secure, logical people will never be able to “reason” with.

    GoldenAh: Hey there Frank! Thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy receiving feedback from the male perspective. I wholeheartedly agree with your analysis. Feelings of rejection, social ideas of desirability, and poor self-esteem have more power than any logical or rational breakdown could ever provide. And yet, sometimes the best thing we can do is laugh at the silliness. :D

    Glad I made you laugh. :)

  16. Alicia
    August 20th, 2010 @ 1:46 PM

    LOVE this blog! I am a dark skinned black female and have always dated white and black men. And I like my brothers black…like Wesley/Seal/Samuel L. BLACK! However, the man that was created to be my husband showed up 3 years ago, and he happens to be white. It has always amazed me how my family (that’s full of black men married to white women and 8 bi-racial children) flipped out, or how people assumed that I didn’t date black men at all. And my favorite..white co-workers or acquaintences who assume that they can uh, now speak “freely” around me.

    When I dated white men, I did try to be careful that I wasn’t about to become someone’s jungle fever fantasy. Other than are men. They ALL will try to impress you with things. They ALL will try to get you into bed almost immediately. And NONE of them truly know what exactly what they want; if they do, good luck getting them to communicate it to you! The key isn’t about what they’re’s about your ability to know what YOU want, to patiently wait for it, and to be ready to accept it no matter what color the gift is wrapped in.

    My husband and I dated long distance and when he asked me to move in with him, I told him he didn’t really want me to live with him. 2 months later, he realized that he hadn’t mentioned marriage in his invitation to co-habitate. 4 months after that, he proposed..were married 10/16/2009. And to this day, he tells this story to his friends and family followed by how much he loves and RESPECTS me. Again, know what you want, set your boundaries, be patient, and accept. As a sidenote…my husband not only uses his tongue for hours, but the Johnson is porn star material. SO glad I waited!!!

    GoldenAh: Porn star material!?! Whooo. Man, I’m feeling lightheaded. LOL. :D

    Congratulations on the nuptials, Alicia! {{throws rice}}

    I always love these stories. Wonderful. You ladies (and gentlemen) break it down to its most important elements: a woman and a man.

    Thanks for your input. :D

  17. koharia
    August 20th, 2010 @ 5:45 PM

    “the super black militant crazies who secretly date WW. LOL Ok that last part was my personal theory.”
    Sorry hon, unfortunately, that’s not a theory.

    GoldenAh: Yup. High-five. :D

  18. Oshun/Aphrodite
    August 22nd, 2010 @ 6:03 PM

    “GoldenAh – yeah, I’ve heard black guys say that before, that they were “trapped” into having children, because the woman “shouldn’t have let me have sex with her if I didn’t have no protection”.”

    This is the most sick, predatory, and dumb thing I have ever heard!

    And BM wonder why some BW are “hostile” to them? Not even taking into account the levels of harassment, disrespect, intimidation, and violence BW face from BM in public spaces.

    I will never understand a group of men who REVEL in exploiting women in this way.

    @ funkystarkitty50
    BW are the black race. BM don’t count anymore. LOL Maybe they really are the lost tribe of Israel or something? Keep your head up. These low functioning cretins are clueless when it come to functional AA culture/history.

    Congratulations Alicia!

    GoldenAh: They revel in it because it’s their only area of achievement, and that’s a sad measurement to go by. Something perverted has happened, and statistically it’s a majority now, amongst our folks and I don’t believe normalcy is coming back.

    I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I have every intention of not living anywhere near it. I’ll say this too, we are at the tipping point with the gov’t cutting back on social services, which will disproportionately affect women and children. I know it’s only going to get worse.

    I saw this news clip with those people lining up for housing in Atlanta, and the one thing I noticed about the crowd – it was 90% plus black female (pregnant and / or with children) looking for someplace to live. YouTube / Google search link.

    Black women have to wake up and get smart. The future is only going to be more merciless.

  19. Oshun/Aphrodite
    August 22nd, 2010 @ 10:46 PM

    It must really be desperate out there. It has to be for people to brave that level of heat, for that long, just to get an application for housing they have a high chance of not being approved for in this lifetime.

    I am having flashes of pics of the Dust Bowl/Depression era. I am like the reporter, is this America?

    I am wondering what are these women going to do. God forbid something happens to me – I know I can make it, but there is no way I could make it with a child or several children to care for.

    If these women have no housing – I can’t imagine what they will do. And that would make them even more vulnerable.

    GoldenAh: Hey, Armageddon is right around the corner. :D

    We just had a Fed. law passed forcing everyone to buy private health insurance. Like with what money? In the fine print, companies that don’t cover their employees will pay a fine, which is lower than what the health insurance will cost. I suspect a lot of companies will take the fine.

    Project housing is being depleted and destroyed. Those aren’t coming back. Stable neighborhoods will do all that they can to keep Section 8 people out.

    The Fed. is spending record amounts of money on endless wars, and providing aid to people overseas who can help themselves.

    I bet there are people in gov’t looking at retirement funds in a couple of ways: 1) Confiscate people’s 401(k)s and IRAs, or 2) Make everyone open up a retirement account like something of an annuity, or 3) Means test Social Security, or 4) Continue to raise the Social Security age, until only people who are 80 and older qualify, or 5) Expect the worse from the US gov’t and you wont be surprised.

    I think the sympathy people had for poor black women with children is about gone. Not only because we’re “post racial” now, but the hardships of the middle class makes them less generous with taxes to pay for social programs. They have their own financial difficulties and debt burdens to worry about.

    Katrina was a fast example of gov’t indifference and societal breakdown. The Atlanta situation is a more gradual example of things getting worse.

  20. 'K'
    August 23rd, 2010 @ 9:04 AM

    In about two years, I’ll be responding to some post from Canada. And you can bet on it!

    GoldenAh: Hey, I didn’t mean to scare you out of the country. LOL. :D

    Let’s all make sure we have a strong network of friends, associates, and folks who’ll have our backs when the chips are down. We’ve got to have reliable, respectable, and intelligent men: able bodied men, smart men, and skilled men! It really bothers me to see how many black women go around thinking that they can manage independently without REAL men around. ‘Cause I’m not talking about the child in the adult’s body some keep messing with.

    I don’t know if I can ever blog about the ramifications (and we are seeing some of it now), ’cause it’s hard to write it from a “that’s kinda funny, tee-hee-hee” point of view.

    I look at the situation with Atlanta and Katrina, and I can’t help but think when did black people stop doing for self? Why have we forgotten that this gov’t has a history of leaving black people behind? Why would you trust an institution that’s screwed over your ancestors time and time again? I don’t get it. And I think people let their guard down, because of you-know-who in the White House. Today, we appear to be the most dependent on it, and more helpless than ever.

    I’ve been meaning to visit Vancouver. I’ve heard it’s a spectacular and beautiful place. :D

  21. Likewaterforchocolat
    August 23rd, 2010 @ 12:52 PM

    I have heard all of these things from BW and BM to deter BW from dating WM. As far as slavery is concerned: when has it become okay to remember the ills of slavery to control who someone dates? What kind of mindscrew is that? These are the people who are truly trivializing the institution of slavery in my opinion. Whenever I hear this, it is usually from a person who could really care less about black history or took a course in college that they probably slept through.

    I recently served on a federal grand jury and 85% rape, domestic violence and sexual assault cases have black perps (the rest were Hispanic/Latino). Most men who has harassed me in any way on the streets has always had a black face like mine. Every man who has cheated or mistreated me has had a black face like mine. None of them ever stopped to think that as a black woman who shares the same skin color, I was too precious and too valuable to be treated this way.

    So, I have no idea why people use slavery and sexual abuse as traits that only WM have towards BW. As if BM are completely harmless and the only ones capable of loving and appreciating a BW. It’s a new kind of slavery and exploitation. A lot BW are trapped on a plantation of their own making wasting their time with these “black kings.”

    And no matter what race you date, you will have the curious. Curious BM, curious WM and curious gay BM (that is also something else you do not have to contend with when you are dating WM, sexual confusion and/or bisexuality).

    I completey agree with this post and see these misconceptions as an example of propaganda fed to black women to show us that we are, in fact, so undesirable that there is only one group of men who can and are willing to deal with us. Everyone else can be desired and lovable (WM, WW, BM, AW etc.) But somehow, BW are left out of this equation.

    When I am on a date with a WM, some BM do become upset that I am with a WM, but they are NEVER upset to see me alone and single either. So, they can do as Appolonia 6 says and “kiss the guns.”

    GoldenAh: {{virtual hugs}} So on point, I have nothing to add. :D

    Thank you, Likewaterforchocolat. :)

  22. Amanda
    August 24th, 2010 @ 11:51 AM

    And black women need to ask themselves why are bm and even some bw bringing up slavery, Jim Crow etc. whenever we mention dating wm?

    Why do they even care who you get with in the first place?

    I get so sick of hearing young bw talking about how they couldn’t date wm, because of slavery and wm raping their grandmothers. Uh last I checked that would mean your grandmother is too young to have been a slave. Now me I had a great grandmother whose grandmother was a former slave. My great grandmother died when I was 12 almost 13 and that was in the early-mid 90′s. Lets just say my grandmother was born the year Harriet Tubman died (and the first H. E. B. opened)to my 13 year old great great grandmother.

    Plus it trivializes rape and abuse. Frankly I think it’s just a knee jerk response. It’s a reflex reaction. They don’t really know why or what they are saying. These girls are trivializing the ones who did go through slavery, Jim Crow, harassment,and possibly rape. They are trivializing those who did have an actual connection as many of my parents and those before them (did I mention my grandfather was born in 1919, he is 90) did come from the Jim Crow era. Another thing I want to know is why are BP not talking about the bw who were raped by bm during slavery and Jim Crow. For that matter why are BP not talking about black slave owners? That right there opened my eyes a few years ago.

    GoldenAh: Guess who sold Africans into slavery in the first place? The white man couldn’t have kidnapped anybody inside Africa, because malaria, among other things, was keeping him out. He needed to only traverse the shorelines and maybe a few miles inward. He didn’t get inside the “dark” continent to seriously carve it up, until after the Civil War was over in the USA.

    BW need to take information with a grain of salt of those who tell bw or say “why don’t you date an African or Jamaican? I don’t care who you date, just that they are black! etc.” Then when bw began to do this bm (American) went off and started saying “What AA men aren’t good enough for you? You have to look for bm elsewhere?” The same goes for dating POC non-black men. Black women realize that these are games being played on us.

    GoldenAh: The games BM play. Oh, man. Years ago, this complete stranger, this absolutely moronic black male started harassing me in a chat room. I think I wrote that I liked and dated South Asian guys (Indians), and asshat wanted to argue about the term, and why I would want to date them. I was like, WTF? Some of these negroes have way way too much self-esteem where black women, who don’t know them from Adam, are concerned. My answer basically was, “None of your business. Now go out and play in busy traffic somewhere.”

    As Likewaterforchocolat says, this stuff comes from “a person who could really care less about black history”, because in some situations the truth has nuances. The fact is they don’t care about the well being of black women. They just don’t want to see a valuable resource, a working, educated, and self-sacrificing person leave their clutches.

    It’s like a domestic violence situation – the guy verbally and physically beating down the woman saying, “No one else wants you.” But he promises to kill her if she leaves. Folks like that is what black women need to get the hell away from.

    You have an amazing family tree. I don’t think I could go back that far, and my entire family is from the same country. :) I’m lazy. Haven’t looked up any genealogy.

    Pardon my ignorance, what is H.E.B.?

  23. Amanda
    August 24th, 2010 @ 6:54 PM

    “a person who could really care less about black history”

    They probably don’t want to, because then they would have to learn real history and not what they make up. Much of it would open their eyes.

  24. Amanda
    August 24th, 2010 @ 6:58 PM
    It’s a grocery store. I remember something about 1913 so I was wrong about the date. I just remember when I was a kid in Waco there was an exhibit in front of one of the H. E. B.s with a mock up storehouse of the earlier H. E. B.s Like the ones you see on Little House on the Prairie or Rawhide or something.

  25. Amanda
    August 24th, 2010 @ 7:06 PM

    My mom and others in the family say that some of our family left the reservation (Indian). I want to check that out, because many light skinned and dark skinned AA’s tended to let people believe this rather than their grandfathers (slave owners raped their mother, or forced them to have sex etc.) so they just said they were part Indian. I learned of this reading black history that there’s a small few of AA’s that have Native American ancestors. We are more likely to have European and East Asian. That’s another point. Those women wouldn’t go around saying that they were raped, forced to have sex by white men as bm did this as well. Their children wouldn’t go proclaiming It either. Plus what about the ones whose parents were together because they loved each other. It’s almost like bw and men who say this are using this as some sort of twisted badge.

    GoldenAh: The history with Native and African Americans isn’t romantic or pretty either. They had Africans as slaves too. For every story of them embracing escaped slaves, they were purchasing and using their share of them as well. We could also talk about Buffalo Soldiers (Freedmen) who were sent to help keep Native tribes in check out west. The last bit of ugly is how the Natives have been expunging African Americans from their tribal rolls (for decades), because they don’t consider them real tribal members.

    I have to admit it’s not my history to judge, but I’ve always been curious as to why African Americans have such affection for Native Americans. I never got the impression it was ever reciprocated. I say this as someone who’s been on a few reservations, seeing, meeting, and talking to these folks up close and personal. Legally, they are a variation of “white” and an oppressed minority at the same time.

    I think it’s true that genetically the number of African Americans with actual Native blood is tiny. The same goes for whites who love to claim Native blood too. The fact is we’re more likely to have 30% or more white in us, regardless of our current complexions and hues. :)

  26. Queen
    August 27th, 2010 @ 1:26 AM

    Woo hoo!!! Smooches to Frank, and thanks for posting this. BLOWS HOLES IN ALL THOSE MYTHS!!!!

    GoldenAh: Ditto the smooch. I just love it when the men come in and add their comments. It’s like, nearly flawless each time.


  27. Queen
    August 27th, 2010 @ 1:40 AM

    Also, a friend of mine asked me why Foolish BW (not all BW)keep picking thugs, then complain when these guys use them,knock them up, then dump them. My answer was because they are in love with what I call the “Thug Fantasy” they see in these hip hop videos these bad boys with money and possesions (WHICH IS NOT REAL!!) and think they can get that in real life. They essentially want a prince in thugs clothing. A bad boy without the baggage. So when their “fantasy” comes with baggage(Criminal record, abuse, etc.) and acts accordingly they get mad and bitter and I think they have no right to be pissed off. Like the old “Super Chicken” cartoon goes, “You knew the job was dangerous when you took it!”

    As for me, it took me a long time to open myself up to the attention of good WM, partially because of that STUPID loyalty, but mostly because I was not getting the “hints” from the WM who were interested. I was so used to being ignored by BM that it never occured to me that WM would be interested (DUH)now that I have opened up, I am loving the attention and am open for more!!

    GoldenAh: Well, let’s be frank. Is it possible for a black woman to walk to the corner in her neighborhood (if it’s mostly black), and not have nearly a dozen guys holla at her? That kind of crude rudeness has become normalized behavior. Plus doesn’t the black media feed us endless stories of “give a brotha a chance – he’s got potential”? If he’s near or past 30 and still playing games in his Momma’s basement, I’d say, “No. His expiration date has long past.” It’s not a black woman’s job to fix a “grown ass man”. If he’s not ready to be an adult, she needs to keep it moving. A dead weight only hinders her own life.

    In contrast, unless the white guy is a thug too, some are nothing like that. They flirt. They are subtle. Even when they may think they are coming on strong: we don’t get it. I’ve had my share of guys go away mad, and I’d wonder why. I was really clueless. Duh.

    That super chicken quote is hilarious. LOL. :D

  28. Queen
    August 27th, 2010 @ 2:00 AM

    On a roll here. Yes the rape of BW at the hands of WM is a part of history and we cannot ignore that nor doI down play it, but I found a bit of interesting history from a book called “We are your sisters” it chronicled the history of black women in america after slavery and the two main complaints of BW that they expereinced at the hands of BM was ABUSE and ABANDONMENT. Looks like not alot has changed in the last 150+ years!

  29. Afua Boahene
    August 28th, 2010 @ 5:56 AM

    Betty–This is a great article. You have hit on some of the most pressing myths about black women/white men relationships. I always find it interesting and telling that so many black men have chosen to date and/or marry out but it is black women who get criticized for doing the same. Again, the message ends up being black men have options, black women don’t.

    Currently, I blog about women of color, dating, love, and relationships. I would love to get your feedback on my site.

    Please check it out at Cheers!

    GoldenAh: Hello Afua! I’ve added you to my blog roll. :) It’s in the BWE links at the top and on the sidebar.

    I’ll check it out more closely later, but initially I’d say: Looks good! :D

    These black women / white men myths need to be broken like a drug habit. People need to stop hitting that crack pipe!

    Thanks for stopping by. :)

  30. Queen
    August 29th, 2010 @ 6:54 AM

    A comment I would also pose to these BM (if I had time to waste) is I prefer to delight myself in a man that delights himself in me and the BM can go take a a leap of a bridge if the sight of me with a wonderful white man (or any non-BM) upsets him so. The man I am talking to right now is a WM and he is wonderful. He is good to me and good for me. What more can a woman ask for? No wait, the BM so called “Swagger” trumps all of that right? HA! I DON’T THINK SO!

  31. goldenah
    August 29th, 2010 @ 11:50 AM

    Your comment has me thinking of running one or several “Devil’s Advocate” posts. Around the same topic(s), but approached from a different viewpoint.

    I’m gonna ruminate on it. :D

  32. 'J'
    August 29th, 2010 @ 8:52 PM

    I think we black women need to expand our options; it’s also refreshing to hear from Frank, the white guy. ‘Thug love’ is not just a black womans problem. my stepdaughters have a tendency to pick up what I call ‘trash’ that would hurt their kids. they are not black either..that means it’s VERY BAD out there for black women. We typically get the roughest time of it

    GoldenAh: Good points. :D

  33. Queen
    August 30th, 2010 @ 4:18 AM

    GoldnenAh if you do,I cannot wait to read it!!

  34. BWMM
    August 30th, 2010 @ 5:23 PM

    Just found this. Interesting. These Nigerian actresses are looking to the global village to marry.

    GoldenAh: That would make sense. They have access to a wealth of different men. I suppose at some point they would end up married to them. Now you have me wondering why that’s not the case with (black) American actresses.

  35. BWMM
    September 5th, 2010 @ 8:14 PM

    Now you have me wondering why that’s not the case with (black) American actresses.

    I think those black actresses would be way farther along and with happier lives than they are now. Right now it’s a lot of Tyrone and baby momma drama going on.

    GoldenAh: I believe the era of the world famous black actor, and the much much lesser known black actress, is coming to an end.

    It may look like things are looking up, but I suspect we will see a long long drought and dearth of them (in movies or shows) in the future. Unless, as you’ve have repeatedly said and noted, they make their own stuff.

  36. Danse
    September 12th, 2010 @ 6:21 PM


    “I completey agree with this post and see these misconceptions as an example of propaganda fed to black women to show us that we are, in fact, so undesirable that there is only one group of men who can and are willing to deal with us. Everyone else can be desired and lovable (WM, WW, BM, AW etc.) But somehow, BW are left out of this equation.”

    And I completely agree with you, my sister. Sing it, say it, preach it, live it!


  37. JR
    September 22nd, 2010 @ 4:27 PM

    I think this looks like a refuge for many black women, rightfully or not, frustrated with their socio-economical situation, who lash out at black men as they see them as the trouble of all their woes.

    The very usage of the term Purple Unicorn illustrates the contempt and condescendence you have towards black men. A good black man is not a legendary rarity like you seem to imply. And there is nothing inherently bad with being a black man.

    You can advise black women to expand their dating pool without having to step on the crotch of black men for leverage. This whole blog seem to promote anything but black out of spite.

    GoldenAh: OMG. {{blinking in astonishment}} Dang. Those are some big words you used there pardner: contempt, condescension, crotch, leverage, spite, and socioeconomic. That brings some rough dominatrix S&M action to mind. Hmmm.

    You mean this specific post, and this site, hurt your feelings? That’s a shame. SMH.

    Why, you got me wrong, I love purple unicorns! I think I gotta write a whole post about how wonderful they are. I’m gonna have to put up all these stats about how much work they’ve done. Clearly, the proof is evident as shown by how great the overall situation in the black community is. :D

    However, this blog is for black women primarily. Not black men. That’s why the topics are labeled as such. The women get the humor. Not my problem if you don’t. {{shrug}}

    And I’ll definitely continue to advise black women to date whomever they please purple unicorns notwithstanding.

  38. DiosaNegra
    September 23rd, 2010 @ 1:11 PM

    @ Bellydancer & SouthlandDiva:

    You’re NOT alone (in being childless and 40+)….I’m 43…. :D (and, I co-sign on the fact that some BP in the BC look at you like you’re defective or something…)

    I didn’t want to put myself (and a child) through that kind of stress…My Mom was lucky she had many family members to help her out (and I would have too), but I just decided against that very early on (around 12/13)….I remembered my childhood next door neighbor…she was molested by her stepfather and became pregnant AT 11 years old…

    That. freaked. me. out.

    My family members whispered about it…but I had really GOOD ears…I took what I heard to heart…and made up my mind right there and then…

    And, to continue with the blushing brigade…LOL :D I will say that the WM I have been with were very…..versatile. ;)

  39. DiosaNegra
    September 23rd, 2010 @ 1:12 PM

    @ Bellydancer:

    What kind of bellydance do you do? I did (studied) American Tribal Style several years ago…

  40. JR
    September 23rd, 2010 @ 11:32 PM

    Confirming what I was saying, GoldenAh. Anyway, this blog is still a good chunk of altruism, regardless of the motivations behind it. Cheers

    GoldenAh: Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice day. :D

  41. Sherry
    November 15th, 2010 @ 8:44 PM

    Whoo hoo! You had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard girl. Keep on telling our sistahs to choose only those men who love and respect us.

    GoldenAh: Hello Sherry! Glad I made you laugh.

    Hey, that’s all I’m saying: we should only love the ones that love us heart and soul. It’s all or nothing.

    Thanks for stopping by. :D

  42. lisa
    January 11th, 2011 @ 12:35 AM

    bw watch your weight,keep your hair together and learn to put together a healthy and tasty meal.remember no man want a women with lots of kids,and you will get your man.

    GoldenAh: Good advice. :)

  43. mary
    January 11th, 2011 @ 1:10 AM

    To me wm are better lovers,I date wm and I’m just not into black men.I’m slim,clean straight permed hair and treat people with respect.I have class,I’m not loud and dress like a man.I see some bw with nappy hair and scratching their heads as if they have lice,dressed like a man and big fat boobs and ass,loud,rude and yelling at four kids,eating junk and rude as the devil.what man want that.Bm hate me because they look at how clean I am and know I have choices,bw treat me with a rolling of eyes.because I’m not fat and unkempt hair.I am not a proud stuck up bi–h.I just dont choose to date had better support one dont care about you.Please note that I am talking about classless bw.For I do see some bw that are smart nice and healthy looking,most date other races.

    GoldenAh: I love variety. It’s awesome to be treated like a lady by a gentleman. When we look good – we feel good. :)

    Thanks for stopping by Mary.

  44. Y
    January 21st, 2011 @ 11:17 PM

    @ Mary,

    I hope I misunderstood you, but it kind of seemed like you are implying that classy black women wear their hair permed and classless black women have natural hair…

    GoldenAh: Sorry I didn’t see your comment before, or I would have approved it earlier. :)

    I’m not going to take offense at what Mary says regarding permanently relaxed hair versus hair that hasn’t been chemically treated (natural). Over 80% of black women have their hair chemically treated. I think Mary is expressing a point of view where getting the hair “done” somehow enhances personal appeal. I don’t think the majority of black women are ever going to shake the mindset that “something needs to be done” to our hair to make it look “acceptable.”

    The men don’t care, but most of us do. {{Shrug.}}

    Have a good one. :D

  45. Jim
    May 10th, 2011 @ 4:42 PM

    Hello all. *bows* This was a very interesting post to read. It’s very refreshing to read a post about this subject that didn’t degenerate into a shouting match. I’m a WM who has been interested in BW since I starting to notice girls. I’ve heard many an argument from family about why you only date inside your race. It’s quite disgusting really. But me, I’ve been trying to date BW for years. But I’ve only found some to give me a chance in recent months. It seems that most people in my area of the country are still hung up on “race purity”. *sighs* It really is very sad that this country is still like this. But I really am not surprised. Maybe one day we can move past the outside and learn that it’s the inside that matters. Oh. And as for WM not being able to satisfy BW. I have no idea why people think that. If anything it’s one of the more racist thing I’ve heard. It almost makes it seem like that all BP are good for is sex. And it’s an out right lie. Or at least it seems to be. I’ve been told that I was a bigger and a much better lover than BM. But, who knows? They could have just been lying to make me feel better. lol Sorry if that was TMI or to vulgar.

    GoldenAh: Hello, Jim. It’s a pleasure having you stop by and leave a comment. It is appreciated. :D

    I don’t find your comments to be over the line at all. You’ve encapsulated some of the things that we all need to be aware of. I think the hardest part of BW / WM relationships is the initial willingness to meet and get to know one another. There are hurdles, nothing is easy, especially if it’s worthwhile.

    Say, if you have the time could you tell us the following: Where have you met these BW? Offline or online? And how did they catch your eye? Did they give any sign of being interested? Or did you like what you saw and decided to approach?

    Maybe a few tips could help BW / WM seeking one another. Thanks.

  46. Jim
    May 11th, 2011 @ 3:42 AM

    I’m glad my post wasn’t found to be offensive. And I agree. Anything worth having, you have to earn.

    Sure I’m always happy to have an interview. lol I found that online you can find exactly the type of man or woman you want. Then you can build a friendship then move on to dating. It makes things easier. Also it seems that BW who irl wouldn’t even look at WM seem to come out of their shell. The same goes for WM. They have little to fear in terms of social taboos. Because they only show themselves to people who are like them. They won’t have to fear harm or isolation from their peers. I usually just let them know I find them attractive by looking them up and down and letting them see. Then I lock eyes and smile. If they smile back or look you up and down then it’s usually ok to walk up to them. But most BW I’ve seen irl don’t seem to notice me and if they do, they sneer and turn away. And that’s the polite ones. I’ve had some bad experience with turn downs. They caught my eye like any other woman would. By being the beautiful women they are. Most women I’ve met don’t show any signs of being interested. But then again I don’t really think I’m very good looking. So that may be why. lol But yeah I usually just walk up to them and try to start a conversation. I hope that’s what you wanted. If you want anything else just ask. I’m happy to provide.

    GoldenAh: Thank you for answering my questions, Jim. This is really good information. I like that you are treating black women no different from other women. You see what you are attracted to and make an effort to talk to them. Sometimes all the advice about finding a man gets too complicated and I don’t think it should be. :)

    I have more questions:

    Are black women, in general, less welcoming or rude when it comes to turning you down? If you were of a different mindset, would you consider that intimidating and be reluctant to talk to black women in particular?

    Why would white men receive any peer pressure about the women they date or marry? Is that class based? Or is this peer pressure strongest only when it comes to black women? And does it come from most family or friends? I notice that white women seem quite free to ignore it. Any ideas why?

    You can be frank. :D

  47. Jess
    May 11th, 2011 @ 7:37 PM

    Jim, you should try an Interracial Dating website. There you know the women are open to wm and won’t turn you down simply because of your skin color.Why dont you also visit this website:

    [no domain found]

    It was just started a few days ago.

    GoldenAh: The link brings up an error: the site doesn’t exist. So I removed the link.

  48. Jim
    May 12th, 2011 @ 12:20 AM

    I’m always happy to help. I’m glad that I’m providing good information. I don’t think they are rude. I think they are just blunt and to the point. Which I find very attractive. I still find it intimidating to talk to them.

    Because of the community they live in. It’s still a taboo for WM to marry non-white woman. It’s also class based. To marry someone not of the same social and economic standing is hard for most families and friends to accept. It depends on peer pressure depending on your area and how they feel about non-whites. My family and community is quite racist. So I get little support and I have been “cast out”. But it is worth it. I really don’t know why. We have a few IR couples and most are BM&WW. They don’t seem to be out casts. I really don’t know what the difference is.

    @ Jess I am on a few IR dating sites. But I don’t need them at the moment. I’m dating a wonderful half-black and half-Korean woman. And it’s going great. Thanks for the advice.

    GoldenAh: I appreciate you coming back and answering the rest of my questions, Jim. Thank you so much.

    I wish you lots of success with your lady-friend. :D

  49. Jim
    May 12th, 2011 @ 2:38 PM

    Your very welcome. I really do enjoy reading this. It’s very informative. And thank you for wishing me luck. I’ll need it. No but us and one mutual friend wants this to work. If there is anything else you wish to know, your free to ask.

    GoldenAh: I’ll do that Jim. I’m glad to have you around. Take care. :D

  50. Jim
    May 13th, 2011 @ 1:38 AM

    I just felt like you all should know. My girlfriend just broke up with me. She did it to please her mother. And she’s also moving to another state. I can’t even keep my own girlfriend. I shouldn’t be giving out relationship advice. I hope my advice hasn’t got anyone hurt. If it has, I am so very sorry.

    GoldenAh: Wow, that’s terrible! Yeah, I know how that feels. One moment you are high as a kite feeling everything is right in the world, and next thing you are a lead balloon. I can only say time heals all wounds.

    Mothers are always tough on their daughters. That’s just the way it is.

    I think you advice was fine, it’s still valid. We’ve all had our ups and downs. That doesn’t discount your experiences.

    Take care Jim, and lots of luck. Remember now! A lot of black women out there are still looking for a decent man. :D

  51. Jim
    May 13th, 2011 @ 2:59 PM

    Yeah. It hurts a lot right now. I know it will heal in time. I just hope it’s quick. Yeah I always thought mothers were tough on there daughters. Now I know. I’m glad that you think my advice was good. Thank you. If you know any woman out there could you let me know? lol I’ll need the help.

    GoldenAh: I believe we always get what we want, eventually. :)

  52. Jim
    May 14th, 2011 @ 12:50 AM

    Really now? You do huh?

    GoldenAh: Either I be optimistic, or I could tell you life sucks and we just gotta endure. :)

  53. Jim
    May 15th, 2011 @ 3:23 AM

    It’s bad when it projects over the internet that I’m a loser. *sighs* But I think you just might be the optimistic type. But I will endure. Who knows maybe I’ll get lucky.

    GoldenAh: The thought never occurred to me to that you were a “loser”. Not at all. You just broke up with someone you were getting close to. I know how that feels. Things seem to be going well, and suddenly the other person starts to fade away or completely run. Who really knows why? I figure better it’s better he goes now rather than later when I really start to give a damn.

    I’ll tell you a little secret: I’m depressed more often than I care for, but I feel better if I can make others smile. That’s my therapeutic itch. :D

  54. Jim
    May 15th, 2011 @ 1:43 PM

    lol It was to late for that. I loved her. But yeah I understand what you mean. And on your secret. I’m the same way.

  55. Redd
    June 6th, 2011 @ 12:42 AM

    Thank you golden for this post. I have been having issues for years with my family and my love of nonblack males they (famiy) can’t seem to understand a part of me healing is not dating the man who reminds me of my tormented past: molestation and beatings for years as a child my rape as an adult my sexual assaut as a military person,and countless groupings humpings (ever had a man walk up and hump your backside clothed at work cause your buttt looked good) and improper touching, waking to being assaulted and just alot all attacks by a black mans hands never had this problem with others reading these coments have made my night after another family arguement btw I am also of the no children category my world was so tainted I would never want to create a life that could be subjected to anything I have~ over 30 and happy with my WM

    GoldenAh: You don’t have to make exceptions and seek out that one Purple Unicorn (nice employed black man) to satisfy family or “friends”. This, as you well know, is your life. As far as I’m concerned, you ultimately decide who you want to forgive or not. You also don’t owe your folks, or anyone in this world, any explanations.

    It’s always better to apologize later (if you care to) then ask for permission first. :)

    This insistence that black women have to keep handing out “get out of jail free” passes to every black male alive, if we’ve been violated by them, diminishes us. We don’t have to give anyone free reign to terrorize our physical or mental well-being, especially if it keeps coming from the same quarter. If that smells like prejudicing one for the many, well, then that’s life, and it ain’t never been fair. It’s not like black men apologize for their preferences for light skinned or non-black woman. We don’t have to either.

    I wish you much joy and happiness, Redd. Thank you for sharing. :D

  56. Redd
    June 7th, 2011 @ 12:36 PM

    Well said Golden, wish I could paint those words on my forehead :-)

    GoldenAh: I suspect being true to yourself is enough. Cheers. :D

  57. Juliann G
    June 10th, 2011 @ 10:30 AM

    Wow, I am SO glad I found this response today. He knocked it right out of the park. Thank you. It made my day!

    GoldenAh: Thank you for the compliment, Juliann G. And Frank’s contribution was a delightful treat. :D

  58. African Violet
    July 19th, 2011 @ 3:13 PM

    I’m way extra late (like, almost a year after the fact), but I have to say that number six, especially the italicized “for hours” really got me. *dead* (And I’m at work, too, so I can’t be dying on company time.)

    I’m going to back and read all of the responses, but I did like Frank M.’s contribution.

    GoldenAh: It’s never too late! As for #6, yeah, lot of really tongue talented white men out there. :D

    Frank’s addition just makes it much more fun.

  59. kette
    July 26th, 2011 @ 6:51 AM

    I’m not a BM basher. I would love to date and marry a brother. The problem; they want to have the high expectation of the perfect BW. Issue is: they can have all the flaws and expect us to except them. I’m not looking for anyone but, I’ll be glad when he shows up. I’m starting to wonder if I should start to mingle more with other racial groups. I’ll be honest, I would love to have a mixed male that would except my dark skinned, short and beautiful self.

    GoldenAh: Do it! I would encourage you to mix and mingle with non-black men (and women). Looking for a relationship doesn’t have to be nerve rackingly intense, but make yourself accessible. You can make friends with non-black men, doing this will greatly ease your social unease, until you are so used to being around them you won’t even think twice about it. When you relax and feel good, men will come to you.

    Thanks for your comment and great to hear from you, Kette. :)

  60. phillip
    July 31st, 2011 @ 1:52 AM

    i do not have a website so will i still be able to leave a comment. well i have just stumbled over this website and i am appalled.i am a light skinned African American black male who has always respected and treasured black women not that I’ve received the same from them, i think that black women don’t know what they want.except to when i comes to being disrespectful to good black men. and that those who know this is full of crap. lets not keep getting things twisted for one unlike 30 years or so ago today we light skinned black guys have fallen into a bracket as our dark skinned sisters. in which we are not as good as anyone else. and thus became overlooked and is being blamed for what others are doing but are allowed to get away least when it was when light skinned black guys were not ignored black women were not treated this way being thrown to the lions while everyone else is living the life of a demon without a care in the world. that’s why black people stay stuck on stupid.and now look what happens you have black women who claim to have all of the answers to throw everybody in a big pot of soup. why I’ll tell you why because that so called bravery does not have the will or intelligence to right a wrong so blame all or manufacture scape goats.

    GoldenAh: Huh? Oh, okay. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but hey, whatever, man.

    Always remember this truism: no one cares about your plight, especially being a “light skinned black man”. You, and your issues, are NOT a priority on this website, which is for black women about black women. Please take your whine somewhere else.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  61. Carlos
    August 12th, 2011 @ 12:55 PM

    I’m a white man in my late 30s… Well, not completely white, but basically white for other people’s perception. I love women, and I’m also a bit of a sex addict- always have been, since my teens. I love sex, and more than anything I love to give women pleasure. That said, the intesity of the debate and people’s feelings around BW/WM relationships and sex have always been challenging for me. I am attracted to so many types of women, and appreciate so many different things, and black women are no exception. But where I’m normally just lustful and girl-crazy, I am more cautious with black women. The controversy, history and frankly less clear flirtatious interest from black women definitely factor in and give me pause. And it’s not for lack of adoration for black women on my part, trust me. But it feels more complicated, potentially, than with other women. Of course I’m generalizing, but I hope you get the idea. And really, I think that tension reflects race relations and race (mis) undertanding in general. My first girlfriend and sex partner in high school was a black girl, and I have had two relationships with black women since- one lasting for 3 years monogamously and another a friendly casual sexual relationship with a neighbor that was off/on for five years. I hope for more in the future. On a cultural note, I think a lot of Generation X white guys like me who were raised in liberal post-hippie households, growing up and learning about sex involved a positive open attitude about sex that fostered a lot of emphasis on women’s pleasure and orgasm. I basically learned that that defined good sex. Works for me, and I think that might explain the scenario that white men are versatile, creative, long-lasting and giving lovers. None of that is to say that black men aren’t, or that that cultural experience isn’t shared in the black community. And on the size topic, I wouldn’t be surprised if, on the whole, black men average larger, since research seems to suggest it. But you know, I’m not a tall guy, have relatively small hands and feet are size 9, yet I am far above average in endowment in all dimensions. Mother nature does funny things ;). I know from frank talk woth women that many have assumed it’s small by looking at me, and are surprised… shocked… when it’s clothes-off time. So don’t immediately dismiss short white guys on that criterion ;).

    GoldenAh: Hello Carlos, thank you for your contribution. You gave me material for a new post, because I appreciate your reasons for being a bit gun-shy around black women. I liked the candor of your feedback as well.

    Although some may disagree, I do feel that white men make more of an effort to make a woman “happy”.

    The new post is: Relationship Barriers: Black Women, White Men and Other Non-Black Men.

    Cheers, and thanks for stopping by. :D

  62. Keke
    August 15th, 2011 @ 11:44 PM

    I’ve dated a variety of men, and I can tell you there’s nothing special about any one group, especially when it comes to sex. People either think that sex with a WM will bestow some magical, special privilege or completely humiliate and debase you as a BW. Or if you choose to only date Black men then you apart of some super secret society dedicated to aiding and advancing the Black race. NEWSFLASH: Sex and dating is an individual choice and should be tailored to fit the person, not some screwed up ideology.

    GoldenAh: Oh, we’re all tongue and cheek here. :D

  63. phillip
    August 18th, 2011 @ 12:48 PM

    your just another stupid black slut.

    GoldenAh: Why are you here disrespecting your Mother? It is not my fault that you do not know who your father is, or he refused to marry your Mother. Following in his footsteps, I bet you’ve slept with a number of your distaff half-siblings.

    By the way, the grammatically correct phrase is: You’re another stupid black slut.

    Please remember to capitalize, and use apostrophes – they are our friends. :D

  64. Dee Dee Russell
    August 21st, 2011 @ 5:10 AM


    Why is it when BM trolls try to diss a sis they bring up sex or skin color? Either you’re a bitter B b!tch/ain’t all that (yellow)slut or they tell you to suck their weenie?

    When they do that I just call them Bitter Black Queens aka down low cowardly gays. That’s my standard reply to them. The more they attack me the more I call them Bitter Black Queens. Heh

    GoldenAh: Oh, we’re supposed to be all kinds of bitter. We’re not allowed to have an opinion, express how we really feel about the way certain groups of people treat us. We’re supposed to be happy with abuse and disrespect or be silent in the face of it.

    Well, that’s not happening here. This is not a PR blog for black men. Not sure why that’s hard for them to comprehend. My identity is not tied to black men. I live separately from them. My life is my own. :D

    Some of these black male clowns think that my blog, or that of other black women, is hurting their “reputation”. They are highly delusional. The world already has an opinion of them that they earned all on their own. We’re just talking about an open secret.

    I see you have a website. Ahh, I’ve seen some of your YouTube clips! :D

    Check it out folks:

  65. Dee Dee Russell
    August 24th, 2011 @ 6:22 PM

    Thanks for the shout out and as always, with appreciation for your writing!

  66. Maki Sov
    August 25th, 2011 @ 12:02 PM

    “He can’t satisfy a black woman. Ans. At least he’s willing to use his tongue. For hours. Nuff said.”

    I won’t say who is better or worse, but statistically it seems interracial marriages seem to work better.

    I won’t try and persuade people to make a “better” choice.

    All I cay say is based on my experience as a Caribbean-American mostly black woman, I have been happier and in my longest relationship with an older white man. No, it’s not about money. Yes, he has a job but I help out financially a lot too.

    I read a lot of stereotypes in your post which I’m not ok with because there are some good exceptions out there. You’re fueling a fire of prejudice and racism among different groups that expands beyond just dating and marriage.

    You’re encouraging stupid movies with quotes from black men about how picky and critical black women are. It makes neither “marketable” and only stirs a pot no one really wants to be in.

    [GoldenAh: I hope you return to translate this, because it makes no sense to me.]

    Keep that in mind next time you post.

    Have a nice day :)

    GoldenAh: You read a lot of stereotypes in my post? Yeah, I was making fun of them. I even say so, that is what “tongue in cheek” means.

    Hey, if black males feel compelled to write incoherent stupid comments, I leave ‘em up there for everyone to see. This is the Internets, so there will always be a couple of morons with poor reading comprehension skills waiting around to be offended. Not my problem. Some folks take themselves too seriously.

    I really like white men (plus Asian and Latino, etc), so I’m not going to be apologetic about it. I’m not here to pamper, boost or bust big BLACK MALE egos.

    And Mavi, read the following carefully: This is my blog. I pay the hosting fees. I write about what I want to write about. I’m not “selling” black women or white men to anyone. People can make up their own minds.

    Thank you for stopping by and giving us your .02 cents.

  67. ButternBrown
    September 7th, 2011 @ 10:19 AM

    I’m “seeing” a Polish man now and all I can say is “What took me so long”?????
    I could care less what others think when they see us. He luvs my natural hair, tells me I’m beautiful and treats me with respect.
    Anyone who doesn’t like it can [...] STFU! Luv this blog!!!

    GoldenAh: Hello ButternBrown, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your sentiments, but I had to edit a few words. That’s a bit much even for me. :)

  68. MoinNC
    September 9th, 2011 @ 1:37 AM

    Black women trust me on this. You ain’t been licked right until you went white!!!

    GoldenAh: LOL. See, you gonna get me in trouble. I will agree that white men make an effort at satisfying needs. :)

    Thanks, MoinNC.

  69. Rusty
    September 17th, 2011 @ 9:42 PM

    I believe most blk women entire attitude changes when they date and have sex with a wht man. They drop the usual attitude they have with blk men and then try to put on a front and pretend to be so proper and some pick and chose their words. I just smile.

    I had a blk gf in college and she was pretty cool, however didnt workout. Meanwhile when I got back on the dating scene, my experience talking to blk women or trying to establish something was very short lived or didnt happen at all. My approach was normal. I’m very confident with my looks. I’m a college educated young blk man, however I feel once some BW get college degrees, they feel like they are too good for any Good black man with a job.

    You have to look like this, and have this and that and be 6′ talk,etc. From what I can see, they are settling for any type of WM, just as long as he is White, they are happy… LOL LOL

    It’s pathetic, most of the BW I notice around, in bars, work, stores, and even when I was in college are practically throwing themselves at white men. But will not even smile at a BM when they see him, unlike WM. BW are still dying for the WM , approval,affection and Acceptance!

    They will always accept you for SEX,(well some will accept certain types of BW) but if that is what you like to do, go for it! It is expected of men, but not too classy for a lady, or should I say woman…

    BM Keep you heads up and continue to look at your options. Keep speaking good about all BW regardless of what they say and feel about BM.It only makes them appear Ignorant!

    They will find out in time how they really feel about them, some already know, but I guess they hold on to the relationships anyway for different reasons, but one particually reason really stands out to me..

    And my fiance is Asian/White and she is smart fun and fine!

    GoldenAh: Hmmm…. So, for you Mr. Self-Confident-And-Got-His-Act-Ta-Get-Her, you don’t care to read about us black wimmens having such delightful, delicious, satisfying hours and hours and hours of hot sex with white men? And yet, here you are perturbed, disturbed, dismayed and demoralized to find black women are getting it on with white and other non-black men with great joy no less.

    I mean, why waste minutes of your pathetic little life writing about your personal issues that no one really gives two figs about? Did somebody here call out your name and said that you were weak in the sack? Why come here to reassure the negroes out there everything is gonna be alright? I thought you boys had the stud market cornered.

    Is your make-believe player-buck-mack-daddy-Mandingo status being threatened by reality? Is that fear and insecurity stinking up the place? ‘Cause without your mythical dick swinging bragging rights negroes ain’t got nothin’ left.

    You need to get a life. The black women here aren’t thinking of you. We ain’t talking about you. ‘Cause you don’t exist. You don’t matter. Deal with it.

    The truth is that BW married to any non-black men will always last longer than any relationship a BM has with any woman. Black males need to be avoided. Nearly everywhere in the world, all you do is abandon the wife or baby momma and the kids. And BW are starting to wise up.

    I truly feel sorry for your current victim.

    Have a nice life. :)

  70. DAN
    September 28th, 2011 @ 2:58 AM

    Greetings to all! I am a WM and would like to share a few thoughts. I love women and race is not an issue. I have seen many a BW I would have nothing to do with but can easily say the same about every other race including WW. I have dated women of many races and color and will continue to do so! I once dated a BW and enjoyed her company very much. She was slightly older than me but that was not an issue either. She was from Jamaica and was legally blind since her teen years. None the less, she was a bright, intelligent and beautiful person! She is a college grad. and home schooled her two kids for a number of years. She sang, played the piano and electric organ. I was never embrassed to be seen with her. Unfortunately for her she married a BM that turned out to be anything but a real man. She “embrassed” him and was told to NOT bring her cane when out with him, etc. He was sneaky and coniving as well as a poor money manager and poor father/role model. Opposites do attract.

    Would I hesitate to date or even marry a BW? No way, if she was the right person for me! Then again, I am fond of AW, HW, WW and so on! It is really more about the color of the inside than the color of the skin. Becoming the best person one can be sure goes a long way in the life we choose for ourself.

    There seems to be too much glamor for males to become self absorbed, egotistical, irresponsible and uncaring while developing into manhood. This is cross cultural but very prevalent in the BC and this is NOT what being a real man is all about. I believe this is in great part due to the lack of good role models with the absent father and lack of positive role models otherwise. Fortunately the black church is making efforts to change this. I would encourage all parents to talk with their kids about chasity before marriage and peer pressure to avoid a lot of problems later in life. Far too many young girls have become messed up by these so called “men” with their smooth talk and all.

    Why did GOD direct us to exercise premarital chasity in HIS owners manual to us? To keep us from having fun or maybe to protect us?

    I believe I’m restating many of the points that have already been made but I wanted to put my spin on it. I hope that my sharing will help and encourage someone. Keep up the good work on this site!

    GoldenAh: Hi Dan! I love your kind of response, because black women can never get enough positive comments from respectful men as to how they feel about us.

    You’ve shown that it’s possible to find men who believe in “no sex before marriage”. You provide another example as to why I believe black women and white men get along so well. We can find a great connection through the church and religion. Although I am not a churchgoing, religious kind of woman, a lot of black women are. I think black women should attend more diverse congregations open to them, as opposed to black churches filled with too many single women, it would allow them to discover a better pool of men who are in tune with their values.

    Thank you for stopping by and chiming it. The feedback is really appreciated. And it is really important for all of us to hear these insights from real men. :)

  71. Akosua
    September 29th, 2011 @ 3:23 AM

    I am a 40yo BW that is brand-new to the idea of interracial dating. I have only dated BM my entire life.

    However recently, for some reason I have attracted the attention of a WM. Initially, I thought it was strange, because I never even felt attracted to WM and have never had any WM pay me this much attention.

    Now after a few weeks of observing him, I realize that I find him attractive and will date him if he asks me.

    I have also been spending the last few weeks educating myself (hence why I’m on this blog) and also re-thinking and re-creating my deeply ingrained ideas about Blacks, Whites, race relations, interracial dating, and love.

    At 40, I am never married and childless. Definitely not by choice. I also did not want to have children out of wedlock, but I have always wanted to be a mom.

    In addition, I actually love BM,and love my people. I was one of those BW that felt very dedicated to my race and fiercely defensive and protective of BM.

    But the reality is, I’m so tired of the way that I’ve been treated by BM. To be fair, I’ve met quite a few good BM, but they could not meet me intellectually, and could not provide for me financially.

    The BM that are able to do so, think *they* are the prize and spend the entire time sizing me up to see if I meet THEIR standards, instead of the other way around.

    I hope that I am expressing myself properly…what I am saying is that I am tired of feeling like I have to settle or spend the rest of my life alone.

    So a WM has entered my life right after I had decided that I have had *enough* with being taken for granted.

    We’ll see what comes of this…incidentally, I’m a culturally and racially aware Black woman. I love my culture and my race…not so much talking about African-American culture…moreso referring to my Caribbean background as well as my African ancestry. I wear my hair natural and in fact have long locs.

    At this point I have so many questions about WM/BW relationships and about my admirer in particular.

    I carry myself in a very respectful way and am a very spiritual person…I wonder if BW and WM can meet each other on a spiritual level. To me that is the most important part. I feel that if we can connect mentally and spiritually, the physical part is easier.

    Also, can we talk about race relations? I’m not one of those BW that have disowned my own race. I love my people and want to see us free. I can’t pretend that there is no racism (here in the US).

    I wonder if there are WM that are open to discussing these issues? I think it is important that we talk things out so that we can be on common ground.


    GoldenAh: I’m going to take this comment and make a post of it. Don’t feel picked on when I do this. You’re made a number of comments that I like and want to explore.

    I’ll respond later. :)

    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Akosua. :)

  72. MsMellody
    October 4th, 2011 @ 1:41 PM

    Hi Aksoua!!!!

    I am soooo soooo very happy for you!! My dear you have made one of the BEST decisions in your life.

    And let me tell you this…I am married interracially, have dated interracially for years before that. I say this so that you can understand that I am one of those same bw who had had enough of enough!!

    I applaud your high morals and great thirst and desire for education..and I hear you on that being disappointed by Black men. And please do not feel out of sorts at all by coming to this site. Betty is a wonderful witty writer. Her essays have been enlightening and I continue to learn from her and the audience of commentors!

    Get to know this particular guy, VET VET and VETTING again is the key. Be lighthearted, fun and flirtatious as any other WOMAN would be. You in no way have to function outside of your comfort zone to do this– be shrewd in gaining the information that YOU need to see if he is worthy of your time, your presence and most of all YOU!!!

    Continue to be yourself and any potential suitor will be blessed by your company!!

  73. firestorm
    December 24th, 2011 @ 6:36 PM

    Latina in the forum:

    Listen, I dated and beded about every breed you can think of. Doe’s not make me a whore. Just adventurious. I hate great oral sex with a ugly, mother fool black man just to see if look’s had something to do with it. I had sex with hot men and they totally suck in sack. Black and white as “hot” and I had one cum under 2 mins lol!

    I had sex with latin men. I can say, they have moves and can eat you out like some hardcandy. Don’t leave the latin flavor out of line. I had some 4 hour sex with a normal avgerage man american and he was the ONLY one that made me ograsim until, I could not think or breathe and zone out.

    I am now with a latin man and have kids and I can say. I experience it all before I settled down. I am just saying.”taste the rainbow and don’t judge” the ugly man can bring you real fast to your knees.

    and please stay away from married men or women beaters or rapist and run background checks they don’t cost a lot. And don’t sleep around. I have a black friend and she sleeps around a lot and she does not like her baby daddy who is black and they can’t stand each other. pure drama. I diff understand bw on the issue they rather marry a white man. Seeing some black men are educated and the ones that are not still act like they are 2 years old.

    Get his first, get to know them and not the color of there skin. I have to admit that if the man any color can dance. then, he will have moves in the bedroom and it varies on the person if they like oral sex. I met white men that don’t like oral and I never saw them again just a personal choice. I WANT MY CAT LICKED.

    I did have a bm and white man lick me so great that I CAN’T talk bad abot that.. He was a normal sized penis but I did not let him hit it with me. so I never had sex with a black man but, I had oral sex. I did not give him a blowjob he just wanted to taste “latina juice” lol! and he loved it and all i know his into latinas and white girls now.

    some do turn racist if they date freaks out there like me.

    so be careful ;)

    not hating. just delivering the blood in passion in my vains.

    GoldenAh: Girl, I don’t know if you for real or not, but you have me rollin’. LOL. I let it through ’cause we all grown here…. :D

    You’ve offered some good advice. And I can’t play like this kind of conversation hasn’t happened among friends.

    Thanks for stopping by, Firestorm. :D

  74. Sexy
    January 8th, 2012 @ 1:19 AM

    I am a latino and I love all kinds of women. I love the black princesses and I just want to spread my love with them.I might even get married to one because it is not the color that matters.

    GoldenAh: Thank you sweetheart. :D

  75. Matt K
    January 14th, 2012 @ 1:03 PM

    Hi. I am glad to have happened upon this site and be able to read all of the comments that have been left. I am a white male married to a beautiful black woman who is my world. We have been married for 4 1/2 years and I can’t imagine my life without her. Our sex life is nothing short of amazing and I am not incredibly well endowed. Each and every time that we are intimate she is taken care of orally before I even consider entering her. Many times I just take care of her and then give her a kiss goodnight without going any further. I have never had any difficulty satisfying her. I love, respect, and worship her. I really don’t get the idea that “white men don’t find black women attractive” because from my perspective black women are the most attractive women in the world.

    GoldenAh: Oh Matt, that is such a loving (and incredibly intimate) description of your relationship with your wife. Yet, it is so awesome. She’s a lucky woman to have you.

    Thanks for stopping by, Matt. I really appreciate the feedback.

    Say, where can we go to clone guys like you? :D

  76. phil465
    January 15th, 2012 @ 7:30 PM

    this crap you call a site is nothing but pure garbage some sister you are putting down black men. and just because you were in a bad relationship you have become a women scorned breeding others like you,you are pathetic take this stupid site down and shove it.

    GoldenAh: Thanks for making my point. Couldn’t have done it without you. Sexual jealousy is a nasty problem you suffer from, isn’t it? :)

    Again, you remind us all of the principle problem with you negroes: you don’t know your place.

    Listen, you are not my “brother”. You have no rights or privileges around here; neither are you allowed nor invited to call me “sister.”

    So step off: no one wants to read your excrement.

  77. Andrea
    January 15th, 2012 @ 10:36 PM

    “Listen, you are not my “brother”. You have no rights or privileges around here; neither are you allowed nor invited to call me “sister.”
    So step off: no one wants to read your excrement.”

    LOL. He has a lot of nerve coming to a BWE blog to give you orders. This is exactly the type of BM who’d try to kill you for turning down a drugged drink.

    GoldenAh: He’s acting like he’s paying my bills. Stupid people really have some nerve. He’s not the only one who sends me dumb crap like this, but every once in a while I like to show the garbage that pollutes my inbox.

    Jokers mostly pop up like whack-a-moles when they read something complimentary by a white man. It drives these haters bonkers. :D

    ‘Cause heaven forbid a good and decent man describes how much he loves black women … and is thrilled to be married to one.

  78. Sunset
    January 22nd, 2012 @ 4:52 PM

    Hi Guys

    This website is rather fascinating and contains more positive comments than other sites with a similar theme.

    First of all let me just say that most of the ‘purple unicorns’ are already taken by all races of women. I seriously believe that black women should now be likewise a ‘purple unicorn’ equivalent in order to attract and expand pool of potential partners in every race. Men want women that ARE feminine, soft-spoken, confident, pleasant, warm, responsible and lots more not forgetting CLASSY.

    Secondly, don’t buy the ‘traitor to your race’ crap if you date out. That kind of thinking is for the mental impotent. This is sheer ignorance period. ANY man you choose from be the ‘human race’ should be fair game given they meet your requirements and standards for a mate.

    I live in the UK and interracial relationships are the fastest growing, with London known as the winner of the world’s most multiethnic city. Guess what? Bw/wm relationships are growing pretty much. They are everywhere. Another observation is a large number of them are educated middle-class. yep. Another thing, because more bw than bm do highter education and plenty of young bw/wm couples can be found at colleges and universities.

    Middle class white men have expressed an interest in me but the only barrier is I am married. Latino men too.

    Black women please maintain immense attractiveness on all levels, men will look your way including white ones. Trust me.

    GoldenAh: Hello Sunset, thanks for adding your perspective from overseas. I’ve been to the UK a few (very few) times as well as Europe. And I wish I had been more inclined to live there a decade ago. I see the social comfort level even in TV shows, IRs are no big deal.

    I agree that when I am over there, the men there treat you like a “normal, attractive” woman without that weird American backward racial / social weirdness. I hope for the sake of the black women over in Europe our racial disease never infects y’all, ’cause it’s the worse kind of all. It’s a box, a true prison.

    I know Europe’s not a paradise, but in some ways it has a better environment for BW in IR than the toxic atmosphere that lingers in the USA.

    Great to hear from you. :D

  79. Sunset
    January 22nd, 2012 @ 4:58 PM

    One last thing:

    The myth: bm are bigger than wm


  80. Guy
    January 25th, 2012 @ 5:48 PM

    I really don’t like articles like these nor do I like the term “purple unicorn.” Black people were called “purple” long ago as an insult and using it as some joke is just poor form.

    Now the problem here is the same for men as well. You whine and complain about not finding a good Black man. What exactly are you trying to say then? Are you saying that most of us Black guys are just gangstas, thugs and the few that aren’t are just gay? Really? Well there are plenty losers that would say similar crap about Black women. If it isn’t baggage, she’s into thugs or she’s just a gold digger.

    You end up with bunch of whining men saying that there are no good Black women and women saying the same about Black men. So are all Black people are just horrible or something? Because that seems to be the general idea that one can come to after arguments that arise on blogs like this.

    The second idea that one can make is that a Black woman would be happier with a White guy. While this is completely possible your reasons for stating so are only based on stereotypes and are borderline racist. You write as if the number of Black men that have civil qualities that you state all White men seem to have is miniscule. How is that not racist? Or did you just not think about that?

    While your observations may be based on personal experiences, the conclusions you have come to are simply insulting. I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t fools out there but throwing all Black men under the bus makes you no better than the no-good Black men that do the same to you. But as they say ‘misery loves company.’

    I for one am not going to stoop to that level that most of these posters have fallen to. I could easily throw all Black women under a bus for the whole bad boy thing but I don’t. I just went SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN MY OWN BACK YARD and hooked up with a Black woman that way. Funny the things we can do when we get out of the house!! It’s amazing!!!

    On a more serious note, I am only 22 so perhaps I have not seen half of the things many of the posters here have. However the message that I seem to be getting through all of these dating blogs is that good Black people are just hard to find. Is that what I am supposed to believe? Because through all of these arguments it is the one conclusion that seems to make the most sense.

    If all the black guys are thugs that cheat on women, give them baggage and make them bitter then we’re just a dysfunctional race of people and we should just go date other races so that we can be free of screwed up selves. The chances of finding a Black person that isn’t screwed up are just too low to bother. What else can one infer here? If that’s not true then either the men or the women are just lying. So either the men are hopeless or the women are hopeless.

    What a stupid argument that is! But that is what one can infer if the information gathered from blogs like these is true. Perhaps a more informed view would be that many Black people act in a stereotypical fashion because it has become acceptable in many social circles. That’s pretty depressing. What’s scary is that it may be true.

    Fortunately for me I intend to judge people as individuals. In this way I don’t end up hurting someone that didn’t deserve to be hurt. It’s a pretty old concept that has been around for a while now but I think it’s a keeper.

    I’m sorry about the wall of text but I feel that these things needed to be said. This is yet another problem that has trickled down into my generation and we now have yet another issue to undo.

    GoldenAh: Lemme guess, you were searching the terms “White Women Black Men Sex” and this site came up instead, right? And surprise, surprise, there are actually adult black women having a frank conservation about the joys of having sex with white men. For some reason, you flipped out or your feelings were hurt, because these black women are unwilling to keep the “Only Black Males Will Blow Your Back Out” sex myth alive. Worst of all, you’re unable to recognize sarcasm or humor even if it jumped up and punched you in the face.

    On a more serious note: What individual black women decide to chatter about via blogs, twitter, YouTube, on a bus or on a cell phone regarding their interactions with white, black, Asian and Latino men is none of your business. I never, ever seek out black males, since I have no interest in them. Therefore, I do not go to their blogs, websites or infiltrate their discussions and offer my opinions. I’ve got better things to do. The point of this post was a rebuttal to morons claiming I was advocating something I was not. I’ll let you figure out what that was, since you missed it.

    You, and other guys like you, need to understand that this forum is not for you, even as you assume it is about you. It really is not. Black males are irrelevant here. Your viewpoint is less than tangential to this or any discussion we have. So, there’s nothing for you to debate, because you weren’t invited to the party. :)

    So, if the discussions here hurts your feelings, then maybe something has reached your conscience. The best advice I give to you is this: whomever you decide to date, and trust me when I say over here we don’t care what color she is, make sure to treat her the best way you, in a gentlemanly way, can.

    There’s no bitterness being expressed around here, it’s simply called “experience”, which is designed to help young / older black women out there to watch the company they keep. We want them safe, happy, wise and alert to con men, thugs, fake “nice guys” and all the other hustlers out there who continue to ask them to “give a brotha a break” only to break them down into little pieces. No man deserves an easier path based on his complexion.

    Overall, we’re encouraging black women to carefully evaluate every man they meet. Standards matter. And if some black women decide to excise all black males from their lives, excepting family and good friends, they have every right as free human beings to do so. They’re not obligated to worry about the hurt feelings of strangers. Personal choices and preferences do not require political correctness. Black women have to protect themselves first. And sometimes the aggravation of seeking and searching out “purple unicorns” isn’t worth the hassle.

    Have a good day, Guy. Hope you learned something whilst you came to visit. :)

  81. Guy
    January 27th, 2012 @ 8:38 PM

    What a shame. The second someone posts a view that puts both parties – male and female, as the problem, it gets moderated. Well that’s too bad. Just as all men are not perfect neither are all women and the reason that women cannot find men is not always due to the environment around them but sometimes themselves. However I should not expect such logic to be understood by one that believes in “purple unicorns.” Enjoy your pity party…

    GoldenAh: Hate to break it to you, Junior, but those of us who blog have a life. And we’re not anxiously waiting to read the commentary of a guy who still has breast milk breath.

    I moderate what I like and don’t like to suit myself. Not sure what you have trouble understanding here: I pay the bills for this blog. I decide who gets through or not. Keep that in mind. Or get your own website and host it.

  82. Daphne
    January 30th, 2012 @ 11:32 AM

    I’m honestly perplexed at why black men come to certain blogs and then attempt to “chastise” black women. Like you – I don’t waste time seeking out blogs targeted to black men, given my utter indifference towards them. Why even waste the energy? Is it the sense of “infiltrating the enemy camp?”

    GoldenAh: Behold, it is the mighty black penis: it can do anything!!! :D

    I think a lot of them are used to getting some black women all “weak in the knees” just by their appearance. These guys can spout any nonsense and it’s considered earth shattering knowledge-dropping. OOOOhhh, a “brotha” is checking in to give us his deepest, most profound thoughts…. So it must be a shock to realize that a lot of us here don’t really give a damn about them. :)

    The finger waving admonitions are amusing though, it must be working somewhere since it’s employed so often. Unfortunately for them, I’m immune to it.

    And when you think about it, it’s the same entitled attitude that allows black males – complete strangers! – to step to you, us, all black women, in public and offer their opinions about our clothes, hair, complexion, and non-black man partner or date….

  83. Daphne
    January 31st, 2012 @ 10:25 PM

    And when you think about it, it’s the same entitled attitude that allows black males – complete strangers! – to step to you, us, all black women, in public and offer their opinions about our clothes, hair, complexion, and non-black man partner or date…

    True! I always remember the phrase, “familiarity breeds contempt” in these instances.

  84. Daphne
    February 1st, 2012 @ 6:31 PM

    Exhibit A of the “Familiarity breeds contempt” principle.

    I sincerely doubt this man would have reacted this way to a non-black person, or heck maybe even another black man. However, because she is a black woman…he believes he’s entitled to “shame” her into submission. I couldn’t watch the entire video, it was so blatantly disrespectful.

    GoldenAh: You are right. Oh, no, he certainly wouldn’t have said anything offensive to someone white. He’d behave himself and start shucking and jiving just to show what a good negro he is. The guy is a silly pig. He’s typical of the Black Thought Police. That’s it in a nutshell, he feels entitled to say and do whatever to a black woman. It’s disgusting.

  85. tater
    February 13th, 2012 @ 11:46 PM

    Hello ladies. I’m a WM, and not JUST a WM. I’m a redneck WM. I was raised, and now reside in an all white part of Alabama, out in the country. I have no explanation for it, but i love BW. I can see the wheels turning, lol. Redneck, Alabama, country! Well, I’ve had two relationships with beautiful BW. One I should’ve married, the other, I shouldn’t have married. It don’t always work out. But suffice to say, my desire and admiration for BW hasn’t changed.

    I guess I said all that to say this. There are always going to be added difficulties with an IR. The degree of those difficulties can be greatly lessened or greatly increased by family and friends. Truth is, I started preping my family and friends at a relatively young age, late teens/early twenties. So by the time the talk became action, nobody was really surprised. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t in some fiery debates, lol. It’s not all cake and cookies on this side of the IR isle. But I still believe it’s worth it. Not just for colors sake, even though, contrasting color is stunningly beautiful together. But for loves sake, for love truly is blind.

    I hope i haven’t rambled to much. But I just couldn’t quit reading this blog and wanted to join in, in a small capacity. Keep up the good work.

    GoldenAh: I’ve visited Alabama, North Florida, Mississippi, and Louisiana over a number of years. And it is interesting to see the changes: I’ve seen more interracial couples, especially black women / white men in the past few years than I ever have up here. Everybody is very cordial and relaxed with one another. It has been an eye opening experience for me, and it’s taught me not to make any assumptions about anyone.

    I’m glad you’ve described yourself, because we – as black women – obviously cannot look at a white man, his religion, politics, or whatever, and know who he finds attractive. A number of us are still intimidated by you guys! So when you tell us you like us that eases the social interaction. :D

    I am thankful that you decided to stop by and add your input, Tater. It is sincerely appreciated. You haven’t rambled at all. Feedback about relationships, IR with black women / white men are best informed by those in them. And I’m grateful that you’ve added more to the conversation here.

    And I like and really respect your boldness: you knew what you liked and didn’t hesitate to let your friends and family know. Awesome. :D

  86. Mac
    February 29th, 2012 @ 6:27 AM

    After I came across this post, I couldnt help but read the comments. Pure entertainment!

    Im a 24 yr old WM, and I am very attracted to BW. Ive only been with one BW, the rest were all WW. In my area, the BW are all the same: ghetto-fab, 3 kids, different dads, welfare, no job, bad attitude, you get the idea. I cannot find a BW that has a sense of decency anymore. I know most of the issue is the demographics of this area, but its frustrating.

    One thing I wanted to bring up, is the whole “black sex appeal” issue. For instance, on a regular basis, I hear something about how all women want BM, BM will take your girlfriends/wives, BM do it better, etc. You never hear this about a WM. This is also frustrating because after hearing it for so long, it never leaves my head. This makes it even harder for me to find a decent BW, because I feel like all the decent BW are taken by BM.

    Im glad to have read the accounts of the BW who chimed in on here, it makes me feel good!

    But great website, Im glad I found it!

    GoldenAh: You point out a reoccurring problem that the ladies of these blogs are having as well. It is difficult for BW (and WM / AM / HM seeking them) to find one another in this big ol’ country of ours. You might have read that the women are even willing and able to move to Europe / Asia to find a suitable mate. Quite a few have made the journey.

    I’ve been asked a number of times to write blog post(s) on how to find a suitable mate. And I can see you’re having the same problem.

    I swear, I wish I could take all of the folks who’ve written and want to meet someone on these blog(s), throw a big party and make introductions. But since I’m not blessed with those kinds of organizational skills, I’ll recommend the next best thing. There are a number of links (not the advertisements) here that will take you to IR dating sites. I hope you, as well as a number of available WM / AM / HM who are sincerely interested in BW, sign up and take your chances. I’m willing to bet that there are more than enough women there – probably outnumbering the men – for you to get to know. And I don’t get compensated for the links…. I sincerely would like people who are interested to find one another. :D

    Thank you for stopping by, Mac. I appreciate the candor and feedback.

  87. Nosexwithwp
    March 7th, 2012 @ 4:21 AM

    LeBron James recently referred to his baby mama as a “sidekick”. Isn’t he supposed to be a purple unicorn? He’s leaving the sidekick and spawn behind while he seeks out lighter and brighter pastures in Miami. Anyone want to put money on a bet that his next chick will be Latina or white and he’ll want to marry her?”

    Actually his “sidekick” aka BEST FRIEND and high school sweetheart IS his fiance and the mother of his children.. Despite your hysteria he did NOT move to Whiter pastures in Miami nor is he marrying a White or Latina female..guess you are projecting.. Did someone leave YOU fore one of them? So sorry boo!

    LeBron James is in Miami, is still with his gorgeous “sidekick” and proposed marriage to her.. and she is a black female, not a white one. hahahhahaha.

    GoldenAh: Phew. You got me there, pardner. I gotta cut James LeBron some slack. “Sidekick” is probably the biggest word in his limited vocab. I shouldn’t expect so much of him. It’s not like he went to Harvard or something.

    Usually, I can tell the gender of all you mouth breathing, room temperature IQ, “give the brothas a chance” kind of morons, but you’ve got me stumped.

    I’m happy for his baby momma. She hung in there for over 10 years, waiting with their two chil’ren, whilst he sampled every groupie he could dip his purple peen into. And if he decided not to marry her you folks would say, “marriage is just a piece of paper.” So you’ve got all the bases covered. You certainly are “winning” this kind of debate.

    Why, using this logic, every black woman should wait decade(s) for her morally impervious, imbecilic, selfish, substandard negro to decide to get around to marrying her – if ever – no matter how many children they have together. I mean it’s not like the 73% of black children born out of wedlock need a father married to his baby mamma. Everything is fine. Everything is just fine.

    ‘Cause it’s not like if some black women give it a try, they might actually find a true “purple unicorn” or men of other races who’d have the decency to ask for marriage – within six months to a year.

    LOL. As for being an “angry black woman” … I wouldn’t touch the average American black male with a ten foot pole. I’m simply pointing out the obvious about most of them, which everyone sees, excepting delusional BMI (black male identified) black women and dysfunctional black males. So I can’t be bitter about something I do not want in the first place: you can have ‘em all, boo. Just remember to rest and clean up between pit stops.

    And you’ve certainly won your argument: it is good that this negro has decided to do something beneficial to the woman he’s with, along with his children, by getting married….

    Oh, wait, but that’s the original point of my blog post.

    OMG. It’s snowing in hell.

  88. April
    March 22nd, 2012 @ 5:23 AM

    This is a bunch of BS!!!!! First of all it has nothing to do with the color if the skin. It has all to do with the indiviual. There are crappy men of all races. I’m a happily married stay at home mother of two who’s married to a AA male. You black women need too get over yourselves and stop making excuses for your attraction. Stop bashing the black man stupid women!!!!

    GoldenAh: Hey, umm, “Alice”…. Dude, you don’t have to lie about who you are. :)

    If you feel “hurt” by this topic, then you should rethink your own values. No one called your name in this topic. The only way this could bother you if something here struck too close to home.

    So, think of this blog as sorta like rap music. Black women are told not to take it personally. You, sir, should do the same.

    Have a nice day. :D

  89. dave
    April 7th, 2012 @ 8:24 AM

    Been with both black and white women and I’ll take black women ANYDAY!!! White women are so self-centered and greedy, where as my black lady loves and respects me for who I am and not my money. She NEVER asks for a dime from me but I shower her with all the luxuries in life and she appreciates everything I do for her, and is by my side through it all. And the sex is the best ever. Would never go back. I’m so in love!!!!

    GoldenAh: Black women are very sensitive to this image of being mercenary – thanks to defamation by hip hop and the black media. It doesn’t make sense, as black women make up the majority of single women or mothers who are breadwinners and head of households. Just to prove we are not all about money, we end up getting the short end of the relationship stick. So it’s great to read that there are men out are willing to treat them as good, if not better, than the average woman. A lot of us are very giving.

    Wonderful contribution, Dave. I wish you continued happiness. Thank you for stopping by and giving black women a shout out. :D

  90. me
    May 12th, 2012 @ 12:40 AM

    I’m a white guy {the country type too} and i find it absolutely retarded for black dudes to run their mouths off at BW for wanting WM, considering black guys will do anything to have ANYONE of any other race of woman heck it doesn’t matter if shes 5 ft and 400 lbs and has to ride a motorized scooter through wal-mart cause she is too lazy to walk {I’ve seen it}. but none of these remarks these BM make would go very well for them around here where I’m from, because a BW with a WM get the same liberty as a white person would so after her WM stomped a mud hole in the black guy who made the remarks the police would show up and do some real “Black man bashing” if you know what i mean. when BW are with BM verbal violence is considered a cultural thing but once shes steps out of the “black mans culture” into the “White mans circle” shes a whole different type of BW, one that BM no longer get to mistreat because shes protected and thats why BM hate BW with WM because we protect whats ours and to the death if need be. police and military being mainly white men is great example of our dedication to the ones and things we love and cherish.

    GoldenAh: That’s the most important aspect of a relationship that a BW needs – to feel protected.

    Thanks for stopping by and letting us know that BW do have men who will look out for them. :)

  91. Tony
    May 16th, 2012 @ 11:41 AM

    White guy in NYC here and just wanted to say that five years ago I married my soul mate, a beautiful A.A./Latina women, who has made me happier than I ever could have imagined being in a relationship. I don’t think it matters to your heart what color the skin is of the person you fall in love with and even if there are cultural differences, having peace in your personal life from being with the one you should be with, far outweighs those distractions. After also being married to a WW for many years and dating many others, I can say that I have found women of color (AA & Latinas) to be much more supportive and emotionally and physically satisfying. I say to each their own, but many of my white brothers and I are beginning to realize and appreciate the wonderful gifts that women of color bring to the table and we can no longer put off our happiness because of others expectations. I adore my wife and my daughter who, by the way, has the most beautiful natural afro hair.

    GoldenAh: Hello Tony, thank you for your thoughts and contribution. I am glad you found a woman that makes you happy and who happens to be Afro-Latina. I also like that you found strength in your relationship and that you weren’t going to let others take away your joy.

    And I’ll agree with you on this point, I really do believe that AA women are more supportive of their men. I’m cheered that there are men who are realizing this and appreciating it.

    Thanks for stopping by, Tony. Cheers. :)

  92. David
    May 23rd, 2012 @ 11:18 PM

    I’m a white male with the nickname of Buckwheat since grade school. Go figure. I’ve read a good portion of this blog (is that what it is?) Anyway, I’m married to a white woman, happily so and have been faithful to her since 1986 when we first hooked up. But, in addition to that, I’ve been attracted to BW for a long time. Before I escaped the city, I was a long term active member of a neoighborhood group called ACORN. It turns out that many of the members were black women. I had friendships with several of them. I found them to be open, honest qnd warm in their friendship. There’s no secret as to why I was attracted to them. One, by the name of Jonny would frequently go on actions with me and we’d dance side by side, arms around waists. I loved her. She knew that and loved my back but also knew that we would not be acting on it. And, that brings me to a final point and that is, Jonny’s ethics were impeccable, and I’ve learned that, despite any exceptions to that which there surely are, BW are ethical in their personal lives. If things had broken differently in my life, I might be married to a BW today, not because that was what I was seeking, but because I would have been open to the possibility of a real partner. That kind of thing has no racial boundaries. Does it?

    GoldenAh: I was called Buckwheat in JR High, because of how I styled my hair. I was a non-conformist, so being teased about my hair didn’t bother me, at least until I reached HS. By my junior year, I went through a brief period of following the popular look. I couldn’t wait to attend college, so I could dress as I pleased.

    I like this story, David, I like it very much. You gave us a prime example of how socializing opens up avenues of starting relationships. Black women often ask where to find the men, but people have to be doing something together in order for that to happen. You’ve moved away from the city, and I think today, BW have to find their future partners in neighborhoods away from the city as well. They have to look everywhere.

    And saying that “BW are ethical in their personal lives” is probably one of the best compliments I’ve seen written about us. Thank you so much for that, David.

  93. David
    May 24th, 2012 @ 12:20 PM

    I don’t remember if I read this or it came up in some discussion somewhere. But, the idea went down like this. There is the notion of white privilege that accrues to WMs without having to be earned. That’s power isn’t it? WMs have historically had certain attitudes relating to privilege and power. It’s something BMs look up to and want to emulate whether they admit it to themselves or not. The problem is, the thread goes, they tend to very much over-exaggerate and distort many of the dominant WM characteristics. That’s how the thread went down. If this is true, several conclusions can be drawn. Here’s a couple. First, BMs may have a lack of faith in themselves and must emulate WMs in the most exaggerated ways or alternatively use a relatively minor characteristic like having a higher average penis size as compensation for the lack of true power. Second, BW don’t seem to be drawn into this kind of cultural competition (for lack of a better way to put it) and find the hyper-exaggerated power trips of BMs not only a turn-off but potentially harmful to health and stability. Now, I tend to think about these kinds of things, and I don’t always take the right road in my thinking. I’m not even suggesting that some BMs haven’t escaped that trap.

    There’s a story I’d like to tell, if I may. Many years ago in a former life (it feels like), I was a social worker. One of my clients was a young BM about 22 yrs old. He was a nice young man and likeable. He was excited about an opportunity to tour several African countries with a church group because, as he put it, “I can meet some of my black brothers”. I wished him well on his trip. I met up with him again after he returned and aksed how the trip went. He told me something that I’ll never forgot. He said, “Africans treated me like an American”. He went on to outline his disappointment in not meeting his brothers as he had thought. I told him that he had been treated like an American because that’s exactly who he was.

    African BMs don’t identify with American BMs and don’t hesitate to say so. I’ve worked on social justice issues with many of them. The Africans often have a hard time understanding where American BMs are coming from.

    I think this corroborates to some extent the cultural exaggeration I wrote about above. An exaggerated sense of self tends to be evident, I think, to those who are not of this uniquely American culture.

    I think it’s a very good thing for everyone, including BMs that the gulf is being bridged by WMs and BW as maybe the divisions in this country might ultimately be healed as we see how trivial skin complexion is.

    Sorry for the length. It just came spilling out I guess.

    GoldenAh: I would say that men understand one another, regardless of race, better than women ever will. Most of what a lot of us write is based on experience, speculation and observation, but I don’t think we’ll ever get how / why / what men think and act the way they do. I have no idea what drives most men. The best information basically comes from what you tell us when you are being candid.

    From personal experience, I’d say that I can count on one hand the number of black men I’ve met, since high school, who were well adjusted, SANE, self-confident, but not overly so, and weren’t obsessed with blaming every ill in their lives on black women and white men. I wish I was exaggerating, but the number of BM I could call friend who didn’t have these strange self-esteem issues was tiny. Over all these years, there weren’t a lot I could classify as feeling secure about himself. At some point, his conversation runs to blaming white men (not white women, since they always seem to desire one) and black women for his personal problems. So, in order to live without being persecuted or abused by them, we write off a number of black males as lost causes.

    You make a good point about over-exaggerating WM characteristics, or what BM imagine them to be, because the biggest fans of mafia films are black males. They love Scarface ,which I regard as a hilarious comedy, and the GodFather series (I have yet to see any). I once read that the old mobsters in NJ jails are always being followed after by BM like lovesick puppies. That’s what Gangsta rap was emulating – trying to be white mobsters. It’s exactly the type of power they wish for. It’s the only kind, because the straight and narrow path (in their minds) is off limits. And a black President doesn’t actually change anything….

    I feel the cure would be for black men to re-establish and take back black culture to something positive and remove its admiration of criminality, “Thug Life”, promiscuity, immorality and ignorance. But if it’s rooted in what you’ve noted – the reasons for exaggerated masculinity – I doubt that’s ever going to happen.

    By the way, BW who aren’t drawn to the “cultural competition”, know that a big penis doesn’t put food on the table, pay the bills, and assist with raising superb offspring. So, it’s a non-starter for a number of us. :D

    Great observations, David.

  94. David
    May 24th, 2012 @ 3:58 PM

    Okay, one last thing and I’ll dummy up. Some of the commentators in here have used the term Jungle Fever. I have maybe a 10,000 foot view of that term so it’s a little hazy to me. What exactly is jungle fever? (And, yes, I really am that out of the loop)

  95. Andrea
    May 25th, 2012 @ 8:48 PM


    “Jungle Fever” is the title of a Spike Lee movie. And not a very good one.
    Ever since it premiered, people who are anti- Black / White IRR use it as an insult against such couples. Much the way people who object to White / Asian relationships call it “yellow fever”. It’s a way to dismiss the feelings of love that may exist between the two people in the relationship, by suggesting that it is nothing more than a lust for “exotic” forbidden fruit.

    I suspect this is meant to shame those of us in IRR into dumping our loved ones lest we be accused of dating / marrying for the “wrong” reasons. LOL.

  96. Buckwheat
    May 28th, 2012 @ 2:16 PM

    Yes, Goldenah. BW are still the best kept secret from WM. It’s difficult for both sides of that unnecessary divide to hook up. If we’re bold travelers on the relationship super-highway, we must go to where the people we want to meet hang out. Too many of us wait for fate to intervene, but waiting for a partner to fall out of a tree on top of us will probably be journey to lonliness (not to mention the ER). Get out to “where the wild things are”, and speaking strictly for me as a white guy, there’ll be attraction lurking and then, who knows from there!!

    I don’t mean head stright for the nearest gang meeting but maybe an activist organizaion like the now defunct ACORN where BW with a social conscience will surely hang out. Yee haw!!!

  97. David
    May 30th, 2012 @ 7:49 AM

    I spent a week in Washington years ago on a lobbying trip for ACORN where almost all of the delegation from my area consisted of BW. Conspicuously absent were BM, incidentally. From the MSP/StP area we were a delegation of WM (me and one other) and BW. Aside from the opportunity to meet with congressmen on issues we all cared about, a key highlight of the trip for me was the women taking me under their wing and just bathing me in a feeling of security and acceptance. I mean they went out of their way to include me in everything and encouraged me in times when I was asked to speechify. Now, I don’t know if my experience is typical. I believe it was. But I do know this. Those WM contemplating the idea of dating BW will be pleasantly surprised at BW’ warm and giving nature. You will be cared for. You will feel accepted as just who you are. No games. Just be honest and be yourself. No airs. Be straight. Be direct. Even if you end up just being friends, you will have very good friends. That week in DC is a key memory for me and opened my eyes to people I hadn’t considered before in more than a progressively political sense. And isn’t it better to know these things on a deeply personal level rather than from some progressive/liberal set of abstractions? Thanks for this blog as it’s somehow given me permission to say these things that I’ve somehow not said before except with those kind and generous women I spent that week with in DC.

    GoldenAh: How did I miss this comment? David, flattery will get you everywhere here. I love this comment, because they speak to how well BW / WM interact when they let their guard down.

    I believe the reason both sides start to hit it off is when BW realize WM (and non-black men) provide a level of courtesy, consideration, respect and protection that heretofore they rarely experience.

    Also, great advice for men – to be direct and sincere with BW, because we’re not so good at subtlety in some situations. (I’m dense as wood.) Hints wont work. And definitely more social / business mingling is needed!

    Thank you so much, David for the insightful input. It is very much appreciated.

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  99. Rich in Texas
    June 18th, 2012 @ 5:05 PM

    Just my 2 cents. I am a WM happily married to a wonderful BW for 9 years, my 2nd, her 1st marriage. We have two beautiful children, son and daughter. I,m 6′ , 200 lbs, very athletic, Blu eyes, Brn hair, educated and work as a Federal Agent. My wife is gorgeous, intelligent and extremely supportive. We have faced the negativity a few times. When her friends first heard about me, the typical conversation/s was why a WM? Her response was simply put” he loves me and supports my decisions, right, wrong or indifferent ”
    Over the years we had stares from both races, we just smile at them and move on..

    My point is: love has no barriers, if you were meant for each other the color of ones skin doesn’t matter…

    Still smilin in Texas

    GoldenAh: Stories like this make me smile, and a wee bit jealous. Maybe I should have moved to Texas, I get the impression the men out west are easier to meet and get to know than up here in the Northeast.

    Congratulations on your wonderful family and relationship with your wife, Rich. Best wishes. And thank you for your contribution. It’s greatly appreciated.

    … And you sound hot. ;)

  100. Rich in Texas
    June 19th, 2012 @ 12:39 PM

    Thank you for the compliment:) BTW I,m a transplant from the north….. It takes 39 muscles to frown and only 1 to smile……love your blog/s..

    GoldenAh: You remind me I have to smile more, that way I can improve my mood. I think I’m starting to frown too often.

  101. Carl
    June 21st, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

    I happened on this site and was curious enough to read through what was being said. I must say this is definitely not a site for the black male ego. However I have found it interesting but I am not threatened it even though I am a black man. I spent a large portion of my adult life protecting your rights to not only think and write about what you feel but also so that you can pursue those interest. That being said iI would like to make one comment to GoldenAh – As a strong proud black man who is taking care of his responsibilities, I do object to you calling us purple unicorns as though we are some kind of myth. I can hear the anger in your words and you proably do have a right to that anger but I assure you that our existence is not “besides the point” and this world would miss us if we dissapeared from it. We are here, we are doing it right, we are making a difference and we are not a myth. We may not be at some conference, we may not be in a social club but WE ARE HERE and we are not a mythical creature. Is it too hard for you to just allow us to be black men when you speak of us. If you truly like all men as you say, then please give us the respect you give white men. Like who you want, love who you want, it is your right and I support that but please can give us our respect, we are not “purple unicorns” we are black men who are doing it right and our women and children love us. Thank you for your time and I hope you will change the phrase.

    GoldenAh: Oh Carl, you did and have done nothing for me. My own Father, Mother, Uncles, Brothers, male cousins and family friends who are like brothers have done more for me than you could ever imagine. Strangers, esp. black men on the web, are NOT ENTITLED to anything from me. My posts are meant to be critical and sarcastic. I’m merely being observant. Learn to live with it.

    For my entire life, I’ve had to deal with you “good black men”. Like Chris Rock would say, “You wanna cookie for doing what you’re supposed to do?” Frankly, you guys are spoiled. You expect accolades for doing regular stuff – that you should be doing anyway.

    If you are in the military, then much respect to you and all the service men, but don’t expect me to specifically commend you because you are black. As you’ve noticed, that’s not gonna happen on this website.

    And let’s get real here as to why you “good black men” are referred to as Purple Unicorns. You see the mess that black neighborhoods are in? That’s on you guys. You see the 70%+ of black women not married? That’s on you guys. You see the large number of unemployed, underemployed, restless, fatherless, criminal minded young black males terrorizing neighborhoods? That’s on you guys. You know how black women cannot walk a block in a black neighborhood without being harassed? That’s on you guys.

    You know why white men and other male groups get respect from us? They may have their share of rotten bastards, but they fight like hell to keep them in check. If they didn’t every neighborhood in America would be like Detroit, Washington DC and all those other Utopias where “good black men” are missing from. I grew up in Brooklyn, and where the white guys lived, they didn’t play when it came to causing stress in their neighborhoods. They weren’t having it.

    Like I said, Purple Unicorns. When black males stop making everything a black woman’s fault, a white man’s fault, the system’s fault, then I’ll stop talking about those magical mythical creatures.

    Thanks for your feedback, Carl. And like I said, if you are a military, police or in the line of duty, much respect for YOUR work, but don’t expect more than that.


  102. Robert
    July 10th, 2012 @ 4:57 PM

    I am a 62 year old white man happily married to a beautiful (inside and outside) Black woman who is intelligent (an R.N. degree, 2 masters degrees, and a Ph.D.), caring, self-confident, and of high ethical and moral character. I love her with all my heart and would die to protect her from any harm. She represents the best that there is in Black women (although y’all are beautiful in so many different ways)and I thank God every day that He offered me the privilege to be her best friend and her husband. God’s greatest human creation was the Black woman and I feel honored to have her as my wife!

    GoldenAh: Oh Robert, this is such a delight! Congratulations on your long and happy marriage. May you have many many more years with the love of your life. And your high praise of her even has me beaming.

    Reading these testimonies gladdens my heart. We read so few stories where men love and appreciate us, and with such high praise.

    So, thank you for sharing your love with us, Robert. {{hugs}} :D

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  104. tonyrog
    August 11th, 2012 @ 1:51 AM

    It amaze me that after the 2010 census came out it showed there over 1 million more bw than bm. so if ever elegable male married a female their would still be 1 million more females. These guys can google to find this site but don’t have their facts straight when they try yo put down bw. The only recourse is to date out or die out. China has found that out because they have shortage of 30 million women so what is their solution is to go to Africa and get a bride. Marrying and African woman entitles them to buy land and China has Trillion of U.S debt it own to buy land with natural resources on it.

    GoldenAh: Wow! That many? Statistically, no matter where in the world, more males are always born than females – without interference from humans (like if there is no sex selection going on). There are 101 to 105 boys born to every 100 females without fail.

    I think the US is one of the only industrial countries that has such a poor record of keeping its young males alive. By the time they reach 18, there is close to a deficit of young males to females, among every race (as far as I can remember). And the imbalance gets worse by the time they all reach 21 years old.

    As you’ve noted – it is much much worse among black people, because the males spend a great deal of time killing one another. The poor ratio is not even due to illness, car accidents or suicide. The greatest danger to a young black male in America is another black male. It is so crazy.

    Tonyrog, you are correct about mate out or die out. The black population may seem to be growing, but not only do Hispanics / Latinos outnumber us, I expect within the next decade Asians will as well. I believe that the native black population in America is shrinking. No population can increase with such an incredible shortage of quality, working and stable males.

    Thank you for your input.

  105. Guy
    August 15th, 2012 @ 2:17 AM

    I wish ….



  106. Guy
    August 15th, 2012 @ 2:18 AM

    You sound just …


    And you know why? ‘Cause negroes such as yourself ain’t….


  107. Ashley
    August 16th, 2012 @ 3:32 AM

    I love this article! I love women of all races but I’ve secretly been more attracted to black women. Not only are you beautiful and vibrant, but this article proves how objective and smart you are! I used to be nervous approaching BW. I never thought they would give a WM a second or first look for that matter. Most black women I’ve met at work or in public are fun to talk to. I appreciate the strong opinions mixed with the consideration of other peoples views. IT’S TRUE ABOUT THE SMILES. A few black women have smiled at me and it catches me off guard. It’s warm and inviting and unexpected. It will turn my head and hold my gaze. I hope to have the pleasure of seriously dating a BW and even more. I def feel more confident about it now.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Ashley. That is so sweet. I do hope you find someone who is lovely and cares about you. I think the women who smile at you are picking up on your charm, openness and appreciation of them. You are half-way there. Good luck! :D

  108. dudeman
    September 26th, 2012 @ 10:00 AM

    You know I stumbled on this website and it really seems a gem to me its nice to know that there’s other people out there who don’t put too much emphasis on a womans look I’m a white dude and I’ve been with some mexican chicks and a couple black girls and I can understand where your coming from when you say that black men and there family’s have a ceertain prejedice when it comes to a guy like me being in the picture it kinda messed things up for me before and I also agree with the fact that a womens moral standing her openness and kindness in other words who she is is a lot more important than anything else and as a side note I’ll also mention your right about black men being mostly bad and most white women I’ve known to hook up with them do it because they want a strictly sexual relationship with a short shelf life in other words they count on the black men to be bad so they permiscuously trade them out frequently because of their own insecurities with men I’ve allso men plenty of black women who are quite happily married to white men I think that what your doing here is important because its helping to debunk negative stereotypes which really affect everyones happiness and in the end that’s what matters same as it says in the bible men and women should honor and respect each other with love and joy and if you aren’t getting that no matter who your with nobody should critisixe you for making a choice which leads you to being happier and you should be mad about the comments these black men arewriting but at the same time maybe if they read enough material like this a few of them will realize your not falling for the racist bullspit anymore and they need to shape up and start treating women better or frankly somebody like me is gonna come around cause if a sexy black girl is getting mistreated by all the black men she’s been hooking up with than I’ll be happy to take her off their hands thanks cause when I meet a girl I really like I’m just gonna go for it and try to make the relationship last as long as can and make sure that both her and I are as happy as we can be if it takes a white dude to do that than so be it

    GoldenAh: Thanks for the comment, Dudeman. Although it’s a bit difficult to follow.

  109. brian
    October 7th, 2012 @ 6:09 PM

    1st let me say that i am not a troll. I’m sure you have seen me here before but haven’t left any response because my only connection is with my phone which is a pita to type/subscribe etc… funny ’cause i have worked tech for yes but still
    do not own a computer.
    2nd i started to read your site and other IR BW/WM sites because I beacame involved with an African American woman in February and she had concerns and I wanted to find out as much as i could about other’s experience. Myself, I was not concerned. I have always been outside of the realm of other’s opinions. Shy nerdy long haired artistic/musician type but tech comm customer service

    GoldenAh: Once in a blue moon I look at page hits and views, but I don’t track my readers / visitors. It’s nice to get comments and perspectives from everyone, esp. men who are interested in, dating or married to black women.

    Glad to read that you aren’t concerned with what others think. Black women sometimes let pressure from busybodies bother them. And we do feel a level of scrutiny that’s untoward and unlike any other group of people.

    I’d say as long as you let her feel protected and show you aren’t bothered by the nosy, she will relax.

    Hope everything works out for the two of you. And thank you very much for commenting, Brian. :D

  110. Dustin
    January 24th, 2013 @ 9:41 PM

    I am a white man who would just love to have sex and a relationship with a black woman. I find them to be very sexy, and I just love the fact that they have higher self esteem and are not afraid to push men around sometimes!

    GoldenAh: Hello Duston! Thanks for stopping by!

    Yes, some of us have to be very upfront about things. It’s important that people know where we’re coming from.

    And I still dream about riding a cowboy one day. ;)

  111. Jamilah
    February 5th, 2013 @ 3:15 AM

    Hello All,
    To the writer, thank you. I’ve never been prejudiced against anyone but I did notice that because of the area I live in, there are a majority of WM and I must say that this is the only time I’ve noticed that I haven’t dated one (seriously/been intimate with, etc) . I found myself completely relieved to find your blog in a search I did for “loving a white man”. Although my father is white, I haven’t known his side of the family due to my mother keeping me from him for so many years. Once I met him and became a part of this family I missed out on for so long I started to notice different things about myself and prejudices I once had against many races. Although small prejudices they were racist just the same.

    My African-American/Native American mother tried her best to manipulate me still after I’d grown up and learned more about myself and what I liked and tried to make me feel bad for liking white men. Saying that no man is worth trusting. I believe that too many stereotypes have poisoned the human race no matter what country we live in. It is sad, but the happy part is that there is still a change/ an opportunity to learn about yourself and let the little ish go.

    I liked the update on your blog and what that gentleman had to say. No matter the race, I really think a person’s focus should be on what makes them happy and not what society thinks they should be happy with.

    Currently I’m dating a white man and I am loving the conversations, mental, and emotional chemistry we are having thus far. I definitely look forward to the intimacy part now that I have overcome my ridiculous fear of WM not being attracted to me because I am part black. Thank you for posting. It really does help folks like me to reaffirm our voice.

    GoldenAh: Hello Jamilah! Thanks for chiming in. I never expected this particular post to get so many responses, but I’m always pleased at seeing how people are opening up to one another. No matter the color – we all need someone to love and be loved. We should be accepting of everyone unless they do not meet our criteria, betrays our trust, or aren’t equally yolked, since we all know best who suits us.

    Glad you found something here that’s reassuring and comforting.

    Your comment about your own prejudices is on point. I think sometimes black women believe they are free from bias, but being black, mixed or minority doesn’t exempt us. Everybody references stereotypes. You’ve made progress – recognizing and examining these qualities about yourself, which enabled you to embrace white men. That is wonderful.

    Good luck to you, Jamilah. Thanks for stopping by.

  112. Robert
    March 21st, 2013 @ 11:07 AM

    As a White guy married to a Black women I can tell you that it like most relationships, ups and downs. Most Black women I’ve been with have an issue with, and it’s been several. They want you to be the boss, but disagree with how you do it and when you give it to them to do they call you weak. White women are so much the opposite, they just handle things that they see need it. Black women love the commitment but somehow don’t seem to be as willing to commit. I think it may have to do with being called a sell-out. Only the really strong Black women can handle what comes from the union they are involved in. An yes she loves it when I use all my skills to satisfy her.

    GoldenAh: Hello Robert, thanks for chiming in.

    Your comment has left me fascinated. I think you may be the first white man to admit to this kind of social / relationship gap. Or it could be you’re the first to mention it so baldly, since others say they are a bit intimidated or hesitant to approach or deal with black women.

    You are talking about the meat and bones of where expectations of social / relationship behavior come in, and I can’t recall if that’s ever been covered here. We’re almost always discussing the stages of the “get out of the neighbor”, “learn to act like a lady (more feminine)”, “get a better job / situation” and “stay away from toxic people”, before we even approach the nitty gritty of dealing with a stable relationship.

    This is mostly conjecture on my part, but I think you’ve hit the issue on the head. Some of us do have a lot of issues and it is based in fear. Black women (unlike others) are under immense societal pressures to be the one to do everything, be everything to everybody and expect nothing in return. So, she meets a guy who can be the one who can do the everything – well, that’s a bit frightening. She’s afraid of being dependent on it, liking and loving it too much, wondering if she’s deserving of the happiness and scared of “letting go of the steering wheel.” That’s how you end up with a sometimes quarrelsome, yet indecisive, halfhearted and half-as-committed woman. She cannot make up her mind to go all in, or run away. She’s terrified.

    And you’ve totally figured out where some black women are “weak”…

    Wow, best comment I’ve seen in awhile. I hope this raises awareness in black women that white men aren’t “clueless” and can read them like a book. I think there’s been this belief that you guys don’t see what’s going on with us. And it’s obvious – to those that pay attention – that we’re as clear as glass. :)

    Thanks so much for the feedback, Robert. :D

  113. Mason Bliss
    March 25th, 2013 @ 10:12 AM

    Thank you for this article, all humor aside. Recently, especially over the past few years, it seems that white men are increasingly being attacked by black men and white women alike, being denounced as having small penises, being incompetent in the bedroom, being insecure, ignorant and otherwise boring. I’m glad to see a perspective of the contrary. I love black women because it seems that they are more likely to be grateful for a man that loves them, as opposed to many white women who are increasingly becoming materialistic and selfish. Granted, I’m dating a white woman and we are very much in love and happy, but it’s good to know that white men aren’t universally hated by EVERYONE. I know that I don’t fit any of the negative white man stereotypes that are so present- I’m strong, fit, intelligent, ambitious, amazing in bed and confident. My lady can attest to this. I wish more white men would shed the negative stereotypes attributed to them by black men and white women, by becoming more masculine and confident. Hopefully this article will help clear up the misconceptions. I’ve always been under the impression that racial reconciliation can only occur when both races are negotiating from points of strength, as opposed to putting one down in order to lift another up. I encourage white men and black women to date, as I love the uniqueness and style of the black woman, and it goes with the adventurous, generous personality of the typical white man. Thank you for this article, it really means a lot in the struggle for our identity.

    GoldenAh: Why, thank you, Mason Bliss! I used to hear all these insulting comments from the above-mentioned guilty parties when I said I liked white men. They’d be really ugly about it. After insulting white men, they’d turn around and say no one finds black women attractive. You wonder about the insecurities of people that makes them say such nasty things. If they are “all that”, as you say, there’s no need to put others down.

    And to be frank, if people are gonna hate white men, they should at least be able to take his place, do it competently and exceed. He’s still the only guy in town capable of making sure our food is grown, gets it to market, the lights come on, everything works, and we have a decent, functioning military. I cannot see the logic in being angry with the guy that gave us the modern world and the high standard of living we all take for granted. Makes no sense to me.

    I appreciate you stopping by, Mason. Have a good one. :D

  114. tequoila
    July 13th, 2013 @ 2:23 AM

    My experience is white guys cheat just as much as black guys. Black men may dominate for sure in penis size in porn, it’s a fact, but white men dominate in oral sex. Sex isn’t everything.

  115. tom
    July 15th, 2013 @ 12:09 PM

    I’ve perused the comments and so many have made such insightful points. I’m a WM married to a wonderful BW for over 30yrs. We hit a difficult period where we became physically separated due to our careers. During that time I unexpectedly became personal friends with a 2nd wonderful BW when we met randomly where I’d gotten my haircuts for years. Long story short we fell in love and she made me feel truly overt joy for the first time in my life. The past 3 years have been amazingly wonderful and incredibly painful as I have been blessed to intimately know & love 2 BW who I consider to be the 2 most considerate, beautiful, caring,intelligent, passionate, and hard-working women in the world.
    Ironically, I feel the curse of a lifetime forever worrying about their own personal growth, independence, & well-being. We’ve come up with no resolutions as to how to move on separately, thus we remain.
    I could do nothing to consciously harm either, yet we are all tormented daily with our situation.
    We are all educated, adults in mid to upper class environment doing well financially. Is it not possible to love 2 women? I say it is.

  116. Anonymous
    August 18th, 2013 @ 9:05 AM

    As a white professional male I’m hoping that more and more black women get together with white men for love and marriage. I married a white women mainly because I didn’t have the confidence at the time to approach the black woman that I admired from the distance. Now when I am engaged in sex I close my eyes and pretend that she’s the black beauty that I hadn’t pursued.

    In general I want to look at a woman as an individual but it is difficult because I am so much more attracted to black women. Size and shape don’t matter but I am way more attracted to women with dark skin.

  117. Dennis
    September 17th, 2013 @ 5:29 PM

    Thank you for being “real” about this issue. I, as a white(full-blooded Italian), have adored dark skinned,full figured, intelligent, sophistacated, confident black women all my life. When I was younger I kept those feelings subpressed because I didn’t think black women would ever be interested in dating/marrying a white man like me. It was almost never seen, or out in the open as it is now. Years ago, IR sites didn’t even exist. I eventually gained the courage to ask a beautiful black woman out, and dated for awhile and it was fantastic. It made me proud to be seen in public with such a beautiful woman.We enjoyed each other so much. I gained a realization that black did want to date ouside the black community and be with white guys. I have finally found the most beautiful, intelligent, loving, sensitive, caring, sexy, sensual black woman, that I absolutely love,adore, and respect with all my heart. She feels the same about me which is all I need to be happy in life. Our relationship is based on fulfilling an emotional need in each of us, but on the physical side, I love her dark skin tone, the texture of her skin, her radiant, sexy smile, her dark hair, her dark soft, warm seductive eyes, and her overall body. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman and we will be married soon. The contrast between our bodies, and skin tones is so incredibly hot. it’s what turns both of us on to each other more every day. I am so happy to see blogs, websites, IR dating sites, etc. promoting and embracing what I’ve come to realize black woman & white men have felt for for a long time…we are attracted to each other PERIOD. To the naysayers and haters of it..GET USED TO IT!! Dennis

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