It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month. Let’s have some fun, shall we?
You’ve been dateless, man-free, and frustratingly single this entire summer, month, year, decade, or century.
All these BWE / BW-IR blogs are starting to work your last nerve. Why?
You are getting so effing tired of hearing all these damn rules of what YOU gotta do to get you some swirl action.
You are getting so tired of these relentlessly cheerful, unnaturally happy, skinny ass, absolutely perfect, nauseatingly special black women who find it sooooo dayumn easy to get hold of a (white) man. It’s like some of these chicks rolled out of bed, opened the front door, and there stood Mr. Prince Charming with a dozen red roses in one hand and a 14kt diamond engagement ring in the other. It’s gotta be maddening to find out that he looks like Bradley Cooper or Jonathan Rhys Meyers with Ryan Reynolds’s deliciously hot body.
It’s been a long, long, dry (really dry and you’re thirsty ’bout now), hot summer, and you didn’t get yours.
The “solutions” that keep coming are fast and furious, yet they’re not only contradictory, they seem annoyingly unrealistic and unreachable. You wanna hear some “keepin’ it real” advice from one black woman to another. Not stuff you could easily read in any white woman’s magazine or The Rules book.
Everywhere you go – you keep asking the same question: Where are all these wonderful white men these chicks keep finding? ‘Cause no one’s really looked your way since your hairdresser “accidentally” dyed your hair baboon-ass red, and promised the color would fade in a week.
As the Devil’s Advocate, I’m here to confirm your worst fears: finding a man will be hardest task you’ve ever undertaken. The truth of the matter is: these white guys really aren’t checking for YOU. Of course, it’s easy for all these other ladies. But for you? Pshaw. You will have to roll up your sleeves and get to work.
I know the excuses. So let’s throw them under the bus:
- you’re not heading to Europe for a man.
- you have no intention of traveling for luv.
- you’re not losing 10-50+ plus pounds just to get a man. they gotta love you as you are.
- you’re not joining any clubs that are dominated by men.
- you’re uniquely quirky (weird) with a strange sense of humor. guys don’t dig you.
- you don’t want to hear any mess about your hair. ever again.
- you ain’t planning on grinning and skinning all day for no man. he’s gotta understand you have moods.
- you’re not buying any new clothes. funk that. you love lumberjack flannel shirts.
- you know the truth that no one else will ever admit: most, if not all, white men just don’t like black women!!!!
Sorry. You’re gonna have to make changes, but let’s ease into it.
Let me roll out some things here that you might want to think about, but don’t over think about.
- How often and how long do you make eye contact with an attractive (in your eyes) man? Long, short, blink and gone?
- Do you smile and say hello first? If he doesn’t respond, do you think you weren’t loud enough or that the dude probably hates black women and you swear you’ll never to do it again?
- Do you believe men know what you’re thinking?
- Do you assume you know what men are thinking when they look at you? Are your thoughts negative, neutral, or positive?
- Are you able to have a conversation without uttering one negative word or thought? That one might not be easy.
- How’s your body language? Closed or open? Arms folded a lot? Do you lean towards the person or away?
- Do you shy away or hide from men? It’s possible you’re doing it subconsciously.
- Ever went to a party / gathering and decided to touch every guy when crossing the room? You know, just a light caress down the arm. If you’re feeling bold, turn your head, smile, and look ‘em up and down… Practice makes perfect.
- Online dating is hit and miss: stop joining sites where 98.23% of the white guys will date anybody, even other men, but a black woman. Seek out the interracial sites, the men are half-way there and willing. That makes sense, right?
- Relax. Relax. Relax. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt.
- Get in the habit of making friends with white men. Friends. Friends. Friends. With no benefits. Keep it platonic.
I have more bad news for you.
There is no magical interracial swirl fairy. You’re gonna have to get a man the old-fashioned way: chase him down and collar him. To chase a man means being coy, witty, friendly, feminine, and slightly seductive. That takes practice.
*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is: