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Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Are Black Males Real Men?

Posted on | September 10, 2010 | 40 Comments

It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month.

I was sent a link to this picture. Thanks Chocholatestar. 😀

We don’t know who created it, but it does beg the question: Are black males real men? People like to pretend that out of wedlock (OOW) births are an issue that is the sole responsibility of, and problem for, black women to resolve. It is not. Although black people love to embrace this particular myth, I need to repeat this fact to shatter it. Black culture or societies, whether in America, or around the world are NOT matriarchal. It never has been. Not by accident, not by default, and not by design.

It is a man’s world. Always has been, always will be. People enjoy tossing the words “strong black woman” and matriarchal around to hide a glaringly obvious defect: black males are failing as men. Their sole competitors are other men, not black women. Socially, economically, and developmentally they are lagging behind. Black women cannot fix that problem for them. No matter how financially generous, emotionally supportive, abject, submissive, relentlessly hyper-critical and abnegating of self – you cannot lift nor mold an “adult” black male into a man. It is self-destructive. It is the core of dysfunction.

Years ago, a radio talk show host I was listening to, without an ounce of political correctness in his body, made the following joke:

Question: “What is Father’s Day called in the black community?”

Answer: “Who’s My Daddy Day.”

So not only does a national talk show host know about the situation, it’s considered a joke. Despite what people may think: the joke is on black males, not black women.

Recently, a football coach of a prominent college mentioned that the only recruits that interest him are those with a father involved in his life. I think the coach was one of the few people talking about a strategy that people already utilize without giving voice to. Despite the polite chatter of the mass media, in real life people are quietly and severely penalizing the OOW offspring of black males.

Why? Because if they don’t care about their children, why should they expect others to?

Which brings me to this point: why mess with a male who statistically is predisposed not to marry, provide protection, bring resources to the relationship, offer support, or bother to raise his own children? Jill Scott may wince at “brothas” who are marrying non-black women, but she willingly had a child for one with a I-Am-Irresponsible neon sign over his head.

Is she a masochist? Perhaps.

Black women, do yourselves a favor, don’t join the masochists’ club(s). You are entitled to be happy. Don’t let anybody tell you that you are selfish, greedy, mercenary, a gold digger or desperate, because you seek a MAN who is going to do the things that most normal men around the world automatically do: marry, provide for their families, and raise their children.

Always consider this: there are millions of illegal immigrant MEN willing to face murderous gangs, cross a deadly border, walk for thousands of miles in the desert, eagerly join our military, and work from dust to dawn at sub-minimum wages just to send their meager earnings home to feed, clothe, and shelter HIS WIFE and KIDS.

Why? Because that’s what REAL MEN do.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil’s advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.
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40 Responses to “Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Are Black Males Real Men?”

  1. Christelyn D. Karazin
    September 10th, 2010 @ 3:38 PM

    *stands up, claps, and goes to put it up on the NWNW FB fan page. So glad to have you one board, girl!

    GoldenAh: Thank you. I think this might be the post I’ll submit. 😀

  2. Anilia
    September 10th, 2010 @ 3:53 PM

    Oh my gawd!! You have forever broken it down… I don’t have an intelligent comment to add. Except that I wish more of us took the time and analyzed the men we are dating before we become a statistic.

    (and I LMAO at that pic… Dude’s sheer look of terror on the left is priceless!)

    oh and before someone starts talmbout there are black men who a) don’t have OOW kids/face their responsibilities and b) there are good black men left, instead of posting it here, go ask those good and responsible/kid-free men to go holla at their boys about being better men.

    GoldenAh: That picture alone is worth a thousand words. 😀

    Oh man, you know some of those excuses by heart too? Probably because we’re heard them so often.

    Thanks for the feedback, Anilia. 😀

  3. Sky
    September 10th, 2010 @ 5:07 PM

    Judge Lynn from Divorce also nailed it as you did Betty. Check out the vid here…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVqfcukbVT8

    GoldenAh: Powerful. Simply powerful. She really poured her heart out telling the truth like that.

    If I saw a guy like that – I’d run like hell, and I’m one of the slowest runners out there. 😀

    Thank you for the links!

  4. Sky
    September 10th, 2010 @ 5:29 PM
  5. Kev
    September 10th, 2010 @ 6:02 PM

    I once had a girl friend who had a daughter from a previous relationship. She left me after 4.5 years for a married man. I had just joined the AF and she did not want to leave where she was. I later married someone I met while in the AF and now we have 5 wonderful children ranging in age from 17 to 3 months, 4 daughters and 1 son. I have provided for over 20 years. My wife does not work a paying job outside the home but we volunteer. I grew up without my father present due to divorce. I have the drive to make it. I feel that many men do not. I had no role model but I knew what I wanted; a family of my own. Now I have one and I am growing them to prosper. The men are here. Just look a little deeper. We are the ones that get stepped over by others in the race to get to those whom everyone believes to be more manly. Unassuming and un-noticed they grow up and become the ones who got away. I’m not saying I am one of the ones who got away, but I try. Responsibility is taken seriously here.

    GoldenAh: Hello Kev, it is great to hear from you! Strong families make for strong communities, and they have to be led by men. And I say that as someone who isn’t very religious.

    I am aware that guys like you exist, because these are (most of, certainly not all) the men in my family.

    However, you represent a tiny sliver of a small and shrinking minority. Black women outnumber fellows such as yourself by 2 million, if not more. The ratio of women to men on college campuses is ridiculous.

    Asking those of us seeking only a responsible black man (not me though!) to dig a little deeper is akin to suggesting they look for a needle in a haystack. It’s not an appropriate response, solution or answer when it comes to looking for a real man.

    The search is extremely difficult considering the absolute and stark gender imbalance, racism, sexism, skin tone and hair texture biases of black males, and the general grief black women must endure. At the end of the day, some women end up happy to see any black male with a pulse and a penis. I cannot blame them.

    Thanks for stopping by. Cheers. 😀

  6. Frank M.
    September 10th, 2010 @ 6:07 PM

    Wow Sky. I had never watched that show but Judge Lynn has my love forever. What a beautiful, intelligent woman.

  7. Kev
    September 10th, 2010 @ 6:11 PM

    Sorry thats “Unassuming and un-noticed we grow up and become the ones who got away. I’m not saying I am one of the ones who got away, but I try. Responsibility is taken seriously here”

  8. Brown gem
    September 10th, 2010 @ 7:33 PM

    To sky – wow thank you for that vid. In my knowledge lyn is the only one amongst all these so called black leaders like al crapton that even addresses the state that bm have put their children and women in. No one else speaks to them. Not even their families. Someone had to say it. Hopefully more bm learned from this.

  9. Queen
    September 10th, 2010 @ 7:53 PM

    Ok Golden AH, I already love your blog but I have to stand up and give you a standing ovation for this one. RIGHT ON!!!!! What you said here nails it:

    People enjoy tossing the words “strong black woman” and matriarchal around to hide a glaringly obvious defect: black males are failing as men. Their sole competitors are other men, not black women. Socially, economically, and developmentally they are lagging behind. Black women cannot fix that problem for them. No matter how financially generous, emotionally supportive, abject, submissive, relentlessly hyper-critical and abnegating of self – you cannot lift nor mold an “adult” black male into a man.

    It is a serious problem and we as black women have to STOP having babies with these men who are damaged (like Sistah Jill Scott) then complain about their incompetence as men and fathers. They were in this condition when we slept with them.

    Nuff Said BRAVO Gurl, BRAVOOOOOOO!!!

    GoldenAh: Thank you so much, Queen. 😀

    Black women are trying awfully hard to get ahead in this world. They have to stop cutting useless guys slack, especially out of an inappropriate sense of racial solidarity. It’s doing them and their children no good, and it’s causing a world of hurt. We have to raise our standards, and that starts by being able to quickly identify a loser.

  10. Christelyn D. Karazin
    September 10th, 2010 @ 8:34 PM

    Kudos to you for being a REAL MAN, Kev!



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