BETTY CHAMBERS

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Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Has our femininity been denied?

Posted on | September 19, 2010 | 46 Comments

It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month. This topic will be a bit spicier than usual. :D

Are black women allowed to be women? Has our femininity been denied or compromised? Do we have the right to be respected, protected, and cherished like all other women?

We are accused of being jealous acid tossing lunatics by lying media whores. We are accused of being overly racially sensitive when we are being insulted by deranged bigoted radio talk show hosts. We are the first ones tossed under the political bus by individual(s) we overwhelmingly support out of misguided and ignorant racial loyalty.

Most of our issues are ignored by or are back-burner issues of so-called women’s groups. All of our issues are ignored by “civil rights” groups, unless it is to lay blame in our direction, raise funds from us, or rally around violent black male felon(s) who are a lethal and deadly menace to black women and men in their neighborhoods. We are berated, harassed, and demeaned to put all out, audition for a date, and prove our worth to useless black males who wont lift a finger to respect, provide, or protect us.

How are we being portrayed in the mainstream media right now?

One of the latest covers of Elle’s magazine is mendacious. No, it is beyond that, it is evil.

One of these pictures is not like the others.

Gabourey Sidibe a.k.a. Gabby

It winks: We’re making fun of her, ’cause this is the best looking actress they (black people) have to offer. They have three average looking, cosmetically enhanced white women all glammed up. We get someone who pc-wise people are gushing to declare is beautiful, acceptable, and attractive. Elle couldn’t use Jennifer Hudson?

And miss me with the garbage about hating on Ms. Sidibe. This topic is deeper than that.

Who do these folks think they’re fooling? The publisher of Elle is French – Hachette Filipacchi Media U.S., Inc. (HFM U.S.) , and the editor-in-chief is Robbie Myers. That’s who’s making a mockery of this black woman and the rest of us.

Is this their answer to requests for black staff? Investments in black magazines? Whether black women are attractive? Oh, I know, this fits the “Black women don’t sell covers. We lose money with their faces on the magazine” B.S.

Why is she the only big person?

Hey, I would ecstatically and gladly accept Ms. Sidibe as part of the unique, multicultural, fat acceptance, and “quirky looking people are beautiful too” cover, once they have a 400 pound homely white woman, with too much makeup on, wearing a tent-sized red mu-mu, and her stringy dishwater hair looking like dry straw, filling an entire magazine cover.

White women don’t “other” themselves. They are very, very protective of their image as feminine, sexy, and desirable women – despite the carping of “feminists” over some images.

Someone once said: I’d rather they ignore us than pay us this kind of attention.

You need to watch them. They are quite eager to get black women to be the tough-manly-gal, the jealous-and-hateful-acid-throwing chick, the loudmouth sassy troublemaker, the office mammy / Oprah / free therapist, and the “oh, you’re so brave to be xyz” kind of person.

Ask yourself these questions: At work, do some of these chicks come to you complaining about people like you’re going to be the one to set their tormentors straight? Do you get asked to lift heavy objects when there are plenty of guys around they could ask? Are you always volunteered for clean-up duty, cooking, or bringing in food? Do people push their leftovers, Halloween Candy, fattening meals, or other unhealthy garbage at you? I’m sure there are more examples that come to mind.

I’ll repeat myself: I might be willing to accept the alternative “other” images of us, once they let Ellen DeGeneres and Rachel Maddow on MSNBC be as unattractive and masculine as their original, keeping-it-real selves used to be. But if you notice, the first thing they went through was a total and complete makeover. They were made to conform to an ideal;  an existing feminine and attractive package.

Ladies. All of these people out there enjoy “othering” you. DO NOT EMBRACE IT. Let those bitches go first.

It’s a disgusting and deadly thing these people like to do to black women. When you accept “othering”, MEN wont and do not regard you as feminine. They will not come and protect you. You leave yourself vulnerable. That’s why people like throwing “strong black woman” at us. No one feels we are entitled to respect, protection, to be provided for, or cherished like other women.

Nearly everywhere one looks, there’s an overweight, or obese black woman (who’s often loud) receiving  mainstream media attention and accolades. Even if her career is going to last 5 minutes. Or maybe she’s the face of an extremely harsh and pungent detergent, feminine yeast problems, or other unattractive ailments, and even if she’s pleasant, the product is nice – there’s something off about her.

That big loud woman fits a mammy stereotype. Things haven’t changed when it comes to this offensive image of black women. She’s been around since Gone With the Wind and before. Her imagine was created to “other” us. I honor and respect her sacrifices. Black women needed these roles to survive and thrive.

However, we do not need to embrace her now.

A lot of us – feeling conflicted – honestly believe that if we embrace these “othering” images, they’ll eventually give way to those of beautiful, feminine, graceful and glamorous black women. Haven’t we been here before?

Don’t black women realize that when we ARE making strides, they deliberately bring up garish images of us?

Unfortunately, some of us fight each other over it, because for a number of us it means some kind of “acceptance” in all our diverse glory. I notice that this diversity almost always happens to be represented by the same type of morbidly obese, grotesquely crude, asexual and unfeminine black woman. I’m not putting all of this at Ms. Sidibe’s door. But would she have been as widely embraced if she was as slim as Zoe Saldana after doing only one bloody damn movie? At least Ms. Saldana has several blockbusters under her belt.

Funk that nonsense. I am not embracing “otherness.” I want black women to look as hot, glamorous, sexy, desirable, and feminine as the average looking, cosmetically enhanced, photoshopped white chicks on the cover of any magazine. We are women too. We can look as good, if not better, than they do.

Do we believe we are feminine? Are we equal to them as women? Or have we gone so deep down the “othering”, unfeminine and unattractive well that if Tyler Perry showed up as Madea on the cover of a magazine as an Influenial Black Woman – we’d talk about how much progress that is for us? Or would we only complain about the dress and wig he chose to wear? Would we miss the insult entirely?

I think we’re still missing the insult(s).

Black women wake up. Embrace being a woman first. These people are working hard to rob us of our womanhood, our femininity, and sense of self. Don’t let them do it. Don’t accept this distorted view of ourselves, where we are the “other.”

We are women. Our luminous, satiny, and beautiful dark skins do not detract or subtract from that.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil’s advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.
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46 Responses to “Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Has our femininity been denied?”

  1. Southland Diva
    September 19th, 2010 @ 8:47 PM

    /sarcasm on

    OMG!!!

    This is all Michelle Obama’s fault!!!

    /sarcasm off

    If you didn’t know, now you know!

    The gloves are off! MSM are getting their psychological warfare on!

    THE WHAT: The First Lady is a clearly definable, unambiguously black woman, who is smart and attractive and slim/fit.

    People were/are wild about Michelle (real or feigned). Some black/AfAm women stand a little straighter and felt more attractive, more viable, more visible with a First Lady who looks like them.

    THE WHY: Which is why the larger society has to demean/deface/destroy our image, in the eyes of non-black men and in our own eyes!

    THE HOW: Another BWE (Khadija) blogger posted recently how people, when they want to destroy you, join your cause or act as if they are on your side. They know most black/AfAm women are desperate for allies and will volunteer all kinds of information, secrets, and strategies to people who say they are ‘on their side’; all they have to do is imply solidarity and black folks will jump through hoops they specify with little or no hint of reciprocity.

    Make no mistake. ELLE supposedly ‘embracing’ Gabby’s beauty is straight-up GAME! They are selling fat acceptance to black/AfAm women who will take the cover as a sign that the larger society accepts fat women as beauty and will ‘sista-soldier’ for the cause.

    AND they are laughing at us!!!! Why in this world does Gabby’s picture take of the whole frame! We see the airbrushed perfection of the other women. We see a body shot. With Gabby, the subtle (or not so subtle) subtext of the picture is….she so fat, she took up the whole frame!

    The brouhaha about the ‘lightening’ of her picture is pure derail and distraction!!!

    A picture is worth a thousand words.

    Are you listening to what ELLE is really saying????

    A MESSAGE FROM BWE: Ladies. We have reached the event horizon. The tipping is here! We are moving from early adapters spreading the message into the larger arena! The larger society may not know exactly what is going on, but they know something is going on.

    Nah! I take that back they know. And so must you. More and more AfAm women are realizing they have to move beyond the black community for love, safety, protection, and family. There are far too many groups with a vested interest in keeping as many AfAm women as they can in a position of perceived lack. It’s less work for the oppressors when you can get the oppressed to do the work instead.

    This is what ELLE is telling you:
    We the progressive forces of the media have made ginormous allowances outside of mainstream femininity and pulchritude in order to ‘showcase’ your ‘beauty’. And, really, black women, you should be grateful that we did this because otherwise you wouldn’t be seen at all. Oh, and don’t blame us that we had to use Gabby, after all, we are just trying to reflect you people as you are….in all your fat-is-beautiful glory. And please pay no attention to the fact we have never, and most likely, will never ‘showcase’ a morbidly obese white-woman on our cover…..we have standards…we are selling the dream of fashion and beauty! We just put her on the cover for PC points. And she’s one of four covers, so she won’t hurt our profit margin.

    Peace

    GoldenAh: There are no coinkydinks today. Image is everything. An image that goes around the world in a millisecond and stays on the Internets for eternity.

    Girl, I hear you. They think we ought to be grateful. Like someone else said, I’d rather be ignored. I felt the need to call these folks out. There’s a limit to this mess. It’s so damn blatant.

    Thank you for your comments, Southland Diva. I love it when you ladies break it down even more. 😀

  2. Khadija Nassif
    September 19th, 2010 @ 10:36 PM

    Goldenah,

    Thank you for my best belly laugh of the week. I almost spit out my apple cider when I read this:

    “Ladies. All of these people out there enjoy “othering” you. DO NOT EMBRACE IT. Let those b*tches go first.

    {still laughing at that}

    This needs to be one of several new mental mantras for confused BW.

    Other “women of color” are coming at you with their issue looking for you to do some Sister Soldiering…Let those b*tches go first.

    WW come to you talking about “fat acceptance”…Let those b*tches go first.

    Some BM comes at you whining about his run-in with an agent of racism looking for you to do some Sister Soldiering…Let that punk-b*tch go first.

    In fact, let these individuals go first, last, AND every slot in-between. They can keep ALL of that mess.
    ____________________________

    SouthlandDiva,

    Thanks for the shout-out! {smile}

    GoldenAh: Hello Khadija Nassif! I am so happy and thrilled to have you comment here. I am a big big fan of your blog. I first saw the Gabby / Elle issue in your Rosyln’s “Reasons Don’t Matter” topic, and from there I went all over the web.

    You, along with many others, often get me thinking.

    LOL. I was feeling real salty when I wrote that line. We need to see how everybody loves to use us, and then pretend they’re paying us a compliment. And it kills me how they act like we should be grateful for it.

    I’m glad I made you laugh. Thanks for stopping by and leaving feedback! 😀

  3. Neecy
    September 19th, 2010 @ 11:44 PM

    PLEASE get this entire post of yours posted on every damn BILLBOARD in America.

    I cannot believe how so many BW are allowing themselves to be bamboozled into thinking this whole “fat acceptance” thing is something to be proud of.

    That cover is atrocious, sad and sooo OBVIOUS. And I agree with whomever said the whole focus on the lightening of her skin shade was derailment at its worst.

    no other race of women are being told by ANYONE that being overweight obese is the way to go. To love and embrace your fatness in all its glory – nope, that message is for BLACK WOMEN and Black women ONLY.

    I also have said in the past, that WW take their femininity and images of such seriously b/c they know how VALUABLE it is in a patriarchal society. It seems BW are the only women collectively who can’t seem to grasp this????????/

    GoldenAh: Makes me think of the lines from the movie 300. The Messenger shouts: “This is madness!” The King roars back: “This is Sparta!!”

    You see they couldn’t keep us from educating ourselves and killing it in education and workforce, so now they are really pushing the petal to the metal to make sure that those educated, well to do upwardly mobile attractive BW don’t get to uppity thinking they are gonna snatch up all those Non blk men they work with in those good jobs.

    Hey I understand… the white woman gots to do what she gots to do. It aint easy trying to hold the throne and keep those Alpha men of theirs in place. But really? Sabotaging BW? Really? that’s all you got? IT WILL backfire something terrible. I already see it coming. See it happen everyday.

    No WW wants BW competing with them for their men. They got enough of those Asian wimmens to deal with. but they were a dollar short and a day too late to try to rip apart the Aw’s appeal since AW were quite stealth in how they maneuvered their femininity to work for them in American society with White males. BW better take notes and QUICK!

    BW need to wake up! It would take a mentally challenged person to not see that if Elle wanted to keep up with the theme of attractive succesfful young up and coming actresses, they would have used none other than THIN ATTRACTIVE ZOE ZALANDA instead of Gabby for obvious reasons. No not just b/c she is Black but because she has been in not 1, not 2 but 3 or more movies between this year and last year that have all been number 1 or 2 at the box offices this year. And no, she was not playing an extra with 1 or 2 lines. Gabby played in ONE movie?

    I believe there is a saying “the grave you dig for someone else, just may be your own”.

    it could be the underdog comes out on top fire in me, optimism or just outright KARMA. but something tells me this ish is gonna backfire BIG TIME in the next 5-10 years. They are working waaay too hard and doing waaay too much to keep BW in mammy, asexual fat acceptance mode. And there is a reason. The best BW can do is work stealthily to improve our individual images and to stop supporting those who push that DANGEROUS and sabotaging message that “being fat is okay — IF YOU’RE A BW”. BW need to realize not only does it have to deal with sabotaging and robbing of our femininity, beauty and potential, but its DANGEROUS message b/c being overweight and obese like Gabby is what kills women everyday.

    GoldenAh: You would not have heard a peep out of me if they included other women (WW, AW, HW, etc.) as big as Gabby. But when it’s just us? Come on! There’s a plethora of other black actresses out there that looks as good, if not better, than the other women on the cover. This is straight-up bamboozling time.

    Neecy your passion is always welcome. 😀

  4. Queen
    September 20th, 2010 @ 2:51 AM

    OMG Betty GREAT topic again. IMHO Yes our feminity has indeed been denied. Our public image has been categorized into 3 sterotypes; The Mammy, The Jezebel Whore, and The Sapphire. We are identified by these three sterotypes becasue they are “safe” and “non-threatening” images of black womanhood that keeps us as “undesirable” in the eyes of the public.

    THE MAMMY: This is the usually oveweight asexual black woman. Takes care of the family’s chilluns. She is sassy, witty and full of spice. She is not a threat to other women becasue in their minds men don’t want her. She is usually unmarried and her weight ranges from plump to very obese. She is also the faithful non-complaining burden bearing MULE.

    EXAMPLES: Hattie McDaniel (Gone With the wind) Nell Carter (Give me a break) and most recently, The Madea Character (Tyler Perry) Jennifer Hudson (Sex and the City) oh and we can add Gabby to this group.

    THE JEZEBEL WHORE: She is an out of control sex fiend. She oozes sex and there is nothing she won’t do to use her sexuality to get what she wants. She dresses practically naked.

    EXAMPLES: Lil Kim, Video Vixen Persona, Lisa Bonet (Angel heart)

    THE SAPPHIRE: She is a loud ball busting, neck popping, attiudinal black female who crushes manhood under her boot heel every chance she gets. If she is married, her husband is a miserable sap who tries to stay out of her way.

    EXAMPLES: The original sapphire (amos and andy),Angela (Why did I get married? Part one and 2)

    THE GHETTO FABULOUS HOODRAT: She is fluent in ebonics, wears loud jewely, loud clothes along with her knock-off purses,loud fake nails and hair. She has plenty of attitude and like the mammy, sass.

    EXAMPLES:You see this type as a frequent regular on shows like “Bad girls Club” “Flavor of love”, “For the love of Ray J” and like the Jezebel, in hip hop videos.

    What do these 4 sterotypes have in common? They lack femininity and if you fit any of these images, you are female, but not feminine; and when a Black woman does not fit any of these stereotypes, there is hell to pay. I read about a black woman who was a jazz singer by trade. She was a size 3, very girly, and feminine; not to mention she could sing the phone book. She noticed that at some venues she performed at she would get some very disgusted looks from some women (usually white). After expereincing this one time to often, she asked some of her band members if they noticed the reactions, they confirmed they had and went on to explain why she was getting them “you are supposed to be big and fat, and your slim figure with that voice does not fit the image they are used to seeing” In this case a sexy feminine black womans looks worked against her and she was considered a threat.

    If you look at the majority of the images in print, movies, and tv, these 4 images are the most promoted over and over and over again. There are a few exceptions like Halle Berry, but even to win her oscar, she had to become a Jezebel; her sex scenes were so graphic that the movie almost got an X rating. (I strongly doubt Hollywood would show Julia Roberts opposite of Sammuel Jackson in such scenes).

    GoldenAh: Julia Roberts played a prostitute in one flick, and that was cast as a Cinderella flick, so we definitely know America’s sweetheart would never be offered that kind of role.

    While these images ae alive and well, my question is WHY many black women pay money (via movies, magazines, etc) or as actresses continue to accept roles in movies and television to keep these images alive with their support; it is time to pull the plug. There are some images in times past where were our femininity did show. Diahann Carrols’s* show “Julia” in the late 1960’s showed her as a stylish single mom. When she was not in that nurses’s uniform she was always stylishly dressed. Diahann was and still is a classy feminine woman (but alas Hollywood did not give her and oscar nomination until she played a broke welfare mom in the movie Claudine). This issue from a 1962 issue of EBONY celebrating well dressed black women.

    http://books.google.com/books?id=b9cDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

    Our feminiity has truly been denied, my question is how do we get it back and stop being forced to accept these images about us that do not repesent us? I Love femininity which means “Characteristics unique to a woman” and everything that it embodies. I am tie of being not only mis-represented but in my everyday life on one level or another there is this unspoken “expectation” that I embody one of these images. For years it seemed that the only time many people were “comfortable” around me was when I assumed the “mammy” role , but when I lost weight and ditched the “mammy-isms” some people treated me differently but that is ok because I have never been happier, but I still find my femininity under fire by public images that demand I assume one of these 4 roles in order for me and other black women to make those around us comfortable becasue we pose no threat to their dellusion about the beauty of black women.

    GoldenAh: That’s why I know we don’t need to embrace dysfunctional images of ourselves. If we look back, we can see that no matter the decade a black actress (regardless of size) looked on point. These ladies were so so fly. They wouldn’t be caught dead looking like the hot mess some of our famous celebritards love to look like in public.

    They understood they weren’t only representing themselves. They dressed with dignity to elevate themselves and the image of black women everywhere.

    So, for people who believe in the mantra of “keeping it real” (tacky, ghetto, and hood rat should represent the image of black women in the public eye) – please grow up.

    Thank you for the historical information, Queen. You add background to my posts. I appreciate your contribution(s). Plus you let folks out there know – we know what’s going on – we ain’t slow….

    😀

    * I’ve seen Diahann Carroll on a couple of shows. The most recent being White Collar. I bet that even when they try and tell her to look tacky – she always makes sure she looks perfectly amazing!

  5. LaJane Galt
    September 20th, 2010 @ 8:29 AM

    This should be elevated beyond the realm of “Devil’s Advocate.”

    This is REAL TALK.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, LaJane Galt. 😀

  6. Frank M.
    September 20th, 2010 @ 11:51 AM

    Great post Betty. Also another great post by Queen.

    Putty “Gabby” on that cover was just wrong. Well played, Elle. Well played.

    If they are resorting to those tactics, then WW must be getting desperate to keep BW’s value down. I’m sure they will hide behind the veil of giving opportunities to all, but wouldn’t Nia Long or Sanaa Lathan be able to fill that role?

    Part of the problem is that the BC does not have a united front in opposing these BF archetypes that Queen so eloquently broke down.
    BM have just as much vested interest in keeping BW’s value down as WW do, so it’s an uphill battle. Since WW/BM are united against them, and WM are largely apathetic, I can understand how frustrating it can be for BW.

    Just know that some of us see your beauty AND femininity crystal clear despite the best efforts of some to devalue it.

    GoldenAh: Thank you, Frank. 😀

    You get a big virtual hug, and I’m gonna rest my head on your shoulder for a while. Sigh. 🙂 {{batting eyelashes}}

  7. Valerie
    September 20th, 2010 @ 12:03 PM

    Betty, when I first saw Gabby Elle cover, I thought it was good, however you have brought up some very good points, there are plenty of black actress, they could have used such as Jennifer Hudson, Gabrielle Union, Sana Lathan, Kerry Washington and many others.

    There is a fight about the black feminity, Michelle Obama is greatly admired and there is a fight to make Michelle the exception, whereas we know millions of black women are not overweight and are very beautiful.

    GoldenAh: I’m glad Gabby is getting work. I wish her much success. However, after our initial excitement, we always have to step back and think about it. Why this? Why now? We have the right to question these people who love to play games with our images, in a mostly damaging fashion, and call them out on it.

  8. pioneervalleywoman
    September 20th, 2010 @ 12:05 PM

    “Betty,” you got me at this:

    Do we believe we are feminine? Are we equal to them as women? Or have we gone so deep down the “othering”, unfeminine and unattractive well that if Tyler Perry showed up as Madea on the cover of a magazine as an Influenial Black Woman – we’d talk about how much progress that is for us? Or would we only complain about the dress and wig he chose to wear? Would we miss the insult entirely?

    My reply:

    But isn’t this the next move? Some of us have accepted Caster Semaya, intersex woman as representative of “us,” we want a morbidly obese woman to be celebrated and uplifted. So what is next? Uplift a man who is only a caricature of a specific type of black woman–mammy and sapphire…

    GoldenAh: I didn’t Google it, but I’m wondering if he’s already been presented on a magazine cover in that costume as representative of black women. I think I’m afraid to find out.

    It’s hard for us to push back, because like you said, some of us have accepted these representations, and I know they tend to shout a lot louder. We get blindsided by this stuff, because it hides behind a wall called “progressiveness”, “political correctness”, and the usual stereotypes some black women have decided to embrace. I think that stems from a belief that we are capable of turning every bitter lemon into lemonade. Yet, a lot of us have lost that fine art. We can’t even discern the insults anymore.

    My feeling about all these progressive experiments is this: Y’all go first, and keep it. I’m done with us being the poster child for “otherness”.

    Glad to hear from you, Pioneervalleywoman! 😀

  9. avery
    September 20th, 2010 @ 12:49 PM

    i agree with everything!!!!…thats why i dont buy mainstream magazines I look online for websites that support me as a black woman and make me feel good about myself…I have come to the point where i dvr shows from the 90s or 80s were black ppl were better represented on tv, living single, a different world, even Martin was decent compared to today…Gina and Pam were executives even ghetto Shanene had her own business…

    today if you dont look white enough or overweight enough they dont want us there (they look at black woman and they see us as a threat)how do you keep white women on the pedestal when you have woman of color who aren’t fitting the stereotypes theyve created for us around?…they would rather put a white woman with a spray on tan, injected lips and butt in representation of us then have an actual black woman on the screen…

    oh well..the more we boycott the more money they lose…look at how much money the beauty consumers are losing since most of us have put down the creamy crack and hair weaves..lol i love it…they insult us but need us…how come chemicals for our hair is promoted on tv but not healthy organic products?? because thats made by black consumers who want us to take better care of our hair and of course they dont want you to know about those products thats why you cant find them in sally’s or etc….

    oh well welcome to america ppl the reality is Hollywood was never meant for us…they didnt want us there in the past and they still dont want us there today…as for gabby i hope she milks it for all its worth because wants she goes on that diet Hollywood will official be done with her…

    GoldenAh: Do we realize that if the only black men represented on TV could only be very very light skinned / half-white or flamboyantly effeminate that all these “civil rights” (older black women funded, younger black men lead) organizations would consider that a critical issue worthy of Congressional investigation? Perhaps I exaggerate, but I wouldn’t put it past them.

    I’ll admit I don’t mind if I don’t see us on many shows, magazine covers, movies or what-have-you. But I hate people shoveling garbage at us and fronting like we should be grateful. I know a lot of us lap it up, but that’s no excuse.

    I’ve had enough of the disrespect. I’m all for keeping most of these “artists” struggling. Let’s remember to thank those that show us as normal human beings.

    Thanks for stopping by, Avery! 🙂

  10. BWMM
    September 20th, 2010 @ 2:00 PM

    This issue from a 1962 issue of EBONY celebrating well dressed black women.

    Wow those women were elegant. Love what they were wearing. I’m starting to think that maybe I need to find old editions of mags like Vogue (Vogue has an article about doing more grown up fashions etc.) etc., because the fashions today even the ones for adults seem so lacking somehow. I don’t know what it is. Some say it’s me being nostalgic, but I remember not appreciating the fashions my great grandmother, grandmother, mother etc. were wearing when I was little, but duh I was little.lol I started appreciating the styles of my elders as I got older. In my teens and early 20’s yes I wore baggy jeans (girl baggy). Mostly in my teens I was a jeans and tshirt kind of girl. I tried to wear what the other girls were wearing, but I was just not into wearing certain fashions just to fit in or compete with each other on who was the cutest. Even in my early 20’s I was somewhat into dresses, but not really. More like those special occasion things. I just wasn’t a dressy person. Mainly because as a kid my mom wanted me to wear dresses all the time and pull down the top of my socks thinking it was elegant and in middle school well lets just say I went to an ABC school.

    Anyways around my mid twenties I noticed that many of the so called elegant grown up clothes suck. So do hairstyles (not a race thing, I mean girls from white to black)

    I think black women definitely need to read older issues of Essence, Ebony etc. to see that the mags now are just a shell of their former selves.

    I found out about this blog from Khadija in her review of the book Fascinating Womanhood

    http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/ and I learned about http://www.thefemininewoman.com/ through TABF because they are working on a type of online charm school I believe.
    I can’t remember who told me about this site
    http://www.elegantwoman.org/
    There were also a group of women bloggers who did their own type of finishing school. Pretty cool. http://charmingthebirdsfromthetrees.blogspot.com/search?q=finishing+school

    I’ve also learned to stop listening to many WW (no diss on WW) when it comes about clothes or the “old fashioned were are not in the 50’s stuff etc.” Because when I go to sights like pattern review and see where these same women are making dresses from the 50’s. As I mentioned in a comment a while back about vintage clothing (which is high priced second hand) these women are buying these so-called vintage (second hand) dresses from the 50’s the style they say is demeaning and yet they buy them, because it’s cute and feminine and shows their curves. hmmm.

    I agree with The Rules Authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. The Rules should be used on not just men, but everybody. Those who act or show they don’t love or care for us give them no mind and move focus on those who do. I think many women especially bw would do better if we took this advice. Frankly I think there should be a He’s Just Not that Into style book for both men and women on friendships/family and women to cut even those you love go.

    This is why I believe we need to create our own media. Whether it be catered to mainly black women or catered to everyone. Black women could then have control over who goes on the covers, the models etc. Black women would have a say in how we are portrayed to the world. Black women would be able to promote books written by black women or movies etc. where other mainstream magazines wouldn’t because of the so called notion that readers wouldn’t be interested.

    Sorry for tangent.

    GoldenAh: Not a problem, Amanda. I’ll make use of these links later. 😀



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