Black Women: We all cannot be instant best friends

In my opinion, friendships grow in the same manner as other relationships. There is a courtship or getting to know you phase. There is the gradual “tell me more about yourself” or “I’m telling you more about myself” phases.

  • You share ideas.
  • You share mildly humorous short stories.
  • You share your food.
  • You share your time. You share your ambitions. And so on….

Overall, in whatever manner it occurs, trust must be earned. Respect must be earned.

For each and every person who decide to be friends, it takes time. One of the things I’ve noticed among SOME black women is that there is no in-between phase. In an environment such as school or work, from day one, I’ll be subjected to the most intimate – things that I really don’t care to know about – verbal dump.

The BFF Hotline

I’m thinking of starting a 900 number phone line so these chatterboxes can spend the $3-$5 per minute babbling on about their inconsequential lives.

Yes, I say inconsequential, because I don’t know them enough to care or consider whether their issues are worth being concerned about. So, they shouldn’t be offended when after backing up their verbal garbage truck and dumping on me, which I only allow after a couple of times, I get up and walk away to avoid their presence. Even if they follow me, I run away saying, “I’ve gotta do something right now, don’t have time.”

I really do have better things to do. In these environments, my time is money. I’m not one to provide a sympathetic ear until I know you. A relationship doesn’t begin unless you invite me to lunch and we use some of the off-time to talk. It doesn’t begin unless we share some hobbies and want to hang out somewhere at some time. But it doesn’t come with interrupting me at the job as often as a chatty pest may see fit. It doesn’t begin until these women show some consideration, a reasonable attitude, and address me in a proper manner.

Misdirection and Disaffection

I’m very polite, but some folks want to assume I’m a doormat. You know, everybody loves to bait a black woman to see her turn into a “She Hulk.” Not gonna happen with me.

And, I’m puzzled by the strange attitude I get from some black women.

They speak in such a odd way towards me. See, I’m not okay with that common tone of anger. I feel that if you have an issue with someone else, take it up with them.

A real friendship doesn’t begin with another woman doing all the talking, having a one-way “dialogue”.

Real conversations are about give and take. Some black women are too old to be told what’s common sense. If someone has a problem – yes, one can talk about it, but one has to listen to the other party speak too. It is give and take. Not take, take and take some more.

An Acquaintance Is The Door Leading to a Real Friendship, or Not

If a woman’s overall conduct isn’t ladylike, discrete or show some semblance of modesty, she shouldn’t be surprised when people refuse to listen to her. Dodge her company, or ignore her entirely….

When a black woman approaches another, assumptions should not be made.

  • All of our experiences are not the same.
  • All of our backgrounds are not the same.
  • Our culture isn’t just one.  There are multitudes of black culture.
  • All of us do not view political, religious and social issues about BLACK, WHITE or OTHER PEOPLE in the same way.
  • Not everybody is a hugging, kissing, and touchy-feeling kind of person.
  • Not everybody wants to hear the details of your intimate life. Ask if they want to hear it first.
  • Not everybody speaks in the loudest voice they have when speaking to other black women. And that belligerence, that “chip on the shoulder” is noticeable to everybody. That’s why you are having conflicts with people.
  • Not everybody wants to hear you complain about every other woman on the job. This isn’t junior high where you need to have “backup” in your “beef” with what’s-her-face.
  • Stop assuming. Ask first. Don’t assume that everybody “knows that.”
  • And don’t be friendly, only whenever you want something. People aren’t as stupid as you think.

If you cannot treat others with respect, don’t be surprised when that disrespect is returned in kind.

Life will go a lot smoother when you let go of the anger at other black women first. So, look in the mirror, smile at that black woman. Forgive her. Learn to like, love and respect that person in the mirror.

And that disposition towards other black women will change as well….


Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Ladies (and gentlemen), enjoy your holiday.

Don’t eat too much! It’s hard getting the pounds off after the festivities are over.

Don’t forget to avoid the relative(s) that’s always spoiling for a fight. You know who I’m talking about. 😀

When you go shopping on Friday, watch out for the stampede. Don’t get killed for the latest gadget. Be safe!

If you’re flying anywhere, remember to put on pretty underwear – the TSA will be watching and checking you out. 😉

After three drinks, you’re not responsible for what you say.


Gobble gobble and all that good stuff. 😀

I was chased by an angry wild turkey once, these critters move fast.

Count your blessings, and stay blessed.

I copied the following links from Acts of Faith in Love & Life.

A nice link-a-thon:

I have a larger compendium on my BWE page… not all are related to BWE / BW / IR, but these are blogs from or about black women.


For Black Women: When Your Choices Make Other People Or Your “Friends” Mad

The following comment, and question, was sent to me by the intelligent and lovely Chocolatestar:

I wanted to send you this video and get your thoughts on this. I’m not sure if it’s just me and my strong opinionated personality, but i’m quite tired of black women bashing other black women, who call black men out on their self destructing behavior and hatred for their women.

Is it a crime to not be attracted to their characteristics( emotionally damaged, etc) or even want to take risks on black men, especially after observing the resulting trends.

I’m so tired of hearing how there are so many good black men out here, if i was interested in them I would be saying where they at, where they at. It’s funny who this chick ended up with after all.

I just recently ended a friendship with a bw, who was a christian extremist.

I sent her your essay on “Why white men are better” and she flipped her lid, saying that she has a black son and will never sabotage black men, because she love them so much and will only date a black man (yet the best man she ever had, her words, was a guy who was a drug dealer her babies daddy and eventually got shot down) and anyone blogging and reading essays bashing black men needs help.

Yet many have ran her through the dirt She went too far excusing their trending behavior with bible versus and the antebellum era. I tired to tell her that the essay to me was a clever way of counterbalancing the attacks bestowed upon black women who prefer white men over the ” kings” of the world bm ( yeah right).

Anyway I probably could rant more, but I have a test in the morning.

“Resurrection” – The Lost Black Man

I left out the video link. There are dozens, if not more, videos made by “strong”, “angry”, and “resentful” ultra-black wo/men demanding black women regard all black males with adoration, worship, reverence, and extreme diffidence. To place the value of any man before God tells you well enough that some people are a few fries short of a $1 happy meal.

There are people who believe black women compete (in any arena) with black men. It’s an amazing fallacy that has little merit in the real, mainstream, global, and international patriarchal world. Black women mostly struggle with financial sacrificing, relationship sustaining, parenting, and “saving the black community” alone. That’s not a strong functioning matriarchal system, that’s living with male abandonment.

Black men are in competition with other men
. All men are. It’s a man’s world. That’s never changed, and never will. The fact is black men lost – roughly 500 years ago. It’s likely they’re never going to catch up. At least, not for the next 100 years.

Black women cannot win it for them, no matter how hard they try to “man up” and do it. Which is why there are black women on YouTube, blogs, writing books, making hostile comments, and singing songs trying to “resurrect” black males back into the game. It wont work by encouraging an orgasmic savoring of masochism, sexism, and racism amongst black women, or false idol worship of black men. Her loss is not a black male’s gain.

But hey, good luck with that strategy folks. We can see from the last 30 plus years how well that’s worked out.

Friend of My Friend, Friend of My Enemy

I’d advise you not to argue with your friends, non-friends, and strangers about the men you may choose as a partner in life. No one actually has a say in the matter. What they think is irrelevant. If we go to them about these issues, it’s like we are looking for their acceptance. And we really cannot have that, can we? Do we go to the poor on how to become rich?

I’d also suggest you let your friends be if they are the ride-or-die, or black men only, type. We’d all like to be on the same page with our friends, but sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. However, since this person is vehemently against non-black men to the point of belligerent, irrational racism, and it will cause you personal pain (and don’t we always run into people like that?), then yeah, you are right to cut them loose.

As for the video, you may be surprised, but my feeling about the criticism of black women like us from militant black wo/men is: C’est la vie. Shrug. I don’t care. Sure, sometimes I’d like to smack some sense into them. Yet, if the Titanic is sinking, and they don’t care: What’s there for us to worry about? Our goal is to make sure we are not on the ship with them.

To a degree we love (most) of our people(s). We’d love to see all of them behave rationally, intelligently, do well, and be happy. But at the end of the day – we all gotta choose our own paths. We have to worry about our own happiness first and foremost.

So I ask you, ignore the hate, don’t seek these forums / idiotic people out. It’ll make you miserable.

You sound like you have your life together, so keep on pressing on. ‘Cause when you listen to these morons, whether you think it affects you or not, you may end up sabotaging yourself in the future.

The subconscious is one hell of a thing to get a handle on.


For Black Women: When White Men Are Buddies With a “Brotha”

When a white man is buddies with a “brotha”, I know I don’t want him. The white guy doesn’t have to “hate” black men, but if he’s one of those white guys who feels like he needs to have street cred, or likes to call black men “brothas”, then I don’t wanna see ya. I want a guy who is “white.” He must be all the whiteness he can be: Abercrombie and Fitch, Brooks Brothers type of man, yo.

So if a white man is getting even within firing range of the toxic zone misogynistic mentality of some of these black male cretins, that tells me his mind is getting polluted with vicious anti-bw propaganda. And I’ve met my share who wanna be down with the homies.

Oh, hell no. Go away.


Well, looky-looky here. I want to bring your attention to this comment by Paul G. all excerpted from Clutch online. His comment is part of the article: The View From the Other Room: What White Men Think About Dating Black Women.

By the way, I rarely read their comments section, it’s always the same eight people.

Here’s what Paul G. said about black women (the brackets are my comments):

It’s not the media that scares me away from not wanting to date a black women, it’s black men that make me think differently.

[GoldenAh: Are you really this simpleminded?]

I say that to say this, and I’m only giving you my observation… I see a lot of black men running around with a white girl on their arm, which is fine, but when I’ve sat down with brothers and asked them why they don’t like dating black women, they always have something negative to say about you guys, whether it be your attitude, your jealousy, or the thought that you guys want to play the man of the house. I don’t need to watch to TV to see what I can see when I walk down the block. But I don’t have to buy into that either, which I don’t, but I am aware of what’s being said about yall by your own men.

[GoldenAh: They are not my men, or our men. And that, dear Sir, is the problem right there.]

It’s a shame to see that. – Paul G.

I don’t know the man. I’ve skimmed over the comments of all of the white guys whose comments make up part of the article. But this guy’s words hung around like an eye stinging fart in an elevator.

It just reads like, “Who you goin’ to believe? Me or your lying eyes?” (Richard Pryor).

Remember that song, “Don’t ask my neighbor, come to me”? Well, my advice is, if you want to know about black women: come talk to us. The “brothas” hate their own mothers and sisters, that should tell you everything what’s wrong with them.

A guy like Paul G. can continue to stay far far away from black women, because he values the words of anti-bw misogynists over valuing us as just women. The guy is a coward, plain and simple. He, too, is a sexist racist. That’s my take. He can dress it up in blaming how “da brothas” around him talk their crap, or whatever negativity he’s looking for in the media, but at the end of the day: he is taking heed.

If you wanted to know the kind of white guys to stay away from, Paul G. fits the profile.

I ain’t mad at the dude, he’s made me realize how poisonous and evil these negroes are.