Real Life vs Fiction: Faces of a Villain

Recently, I’ve been watching a thoroughly enjoyable crime drama. There’s always quite a number of them floating around: cop shows, superhero movies, episodic thrillers and the like. However, when it is really riveting – I’m reminded of the crucial aspect which makes them work.

A story with only an awesome protagonist lacks the essential element of a solid drama. Good art requires having an antagonist who’s a capable match with strengths similar to the hero, but riven with his or her own demons. Otherwise, we’re bored by the exploits of a leading man easily able to defeat his challenger.

I’ve seen my share of shows where the focus concentrates too much on the internal struggles of the hero. I believe that mostly works for a good book.

In a movie, if the only battle a hero has is against emotional despair, anguish, then recovery, essentially in a vacuum – well, to me, that’s not enough. That is why Superman Returns was a flop. Yes, it made decent box office bank, but it was not a good film. Superman’s most debilitating enemy was a rock, and a bit of emotional distress. The problem with film were: a lead actor who didn’t have the chops to pull off the emotional aspect, and a movie which couldn’t decide whether to be a cartoon, semi-serious comedy or both. And that’s not a good mix for a superhero like Superman if it’s not done well.

Here’s my list of villains that come to mind, whenever the show is sufficiently entertaining:

1 – The anarchist – He brings chaos from the jump, because he is chaos. Like Batman‘s Joker, sometimes his background – revealing the depths of a childhood trauma that made him what he – is told. In most cases, all we see is a character without a past, just a full-tilt off-the-walls bad guy. There maybe times, when he’s dying, he finally divulges who he really is. This happens when the writer(s) attempts to plug plot holes or present comforting resolutions.

Overall, this is a character who’s basically in it for the thrill of disaster and destruction. There is no other reason for it. He may provide excuses, but that’s because he likes the sound of his own voice. He doesn’t believe a word he says. And he’s the ultimate nightmare for the hero, because he’s unpredictable and doesn’t live by a rule book.

In real life, he’s the guy who blows down or shoots up places that are open to the public. Sometimes he leaves a bizarre manifesto, sometimes he offs himself after executing his evil deeds without a word. His true goal is infamy. And thanks to our media, he achieves it, with many copy cats ensuing.

2 – The disabled, disfigured, underestimated guy – The best villain I’ve seen in a while was the character, Roger ‘Verbal’ Kint, in The Usual Suspects. This film had the feel of a classic Albert Hitchcock movie or Agatha Christie novel. This bad guy hides in plain sight and you never consider him one, because his disability disarms you. Everyone treats him like a less-than and as a character we regard him as such. Yet, he’s hiding a cunning mind beneath the simpleton’s facade.

Update:

Shakespeare had fun with writing about King Richard III, an English monarch, one of the best known historical villains of all time. He wrote about a man who preceded him by 100 years, but that didn’t stop him from speculating about his morals, motives and machinations. There is hardly a movie I haven’t seen about this man. At one place I worked at, I recommended a co-worked watch any Richard III film to get an idea of the mindset of the people around us. She laughed at how accurate it was. Hey, people do not change.

Recently, the remains of King Richard III have been located, by the Richard III Society – who are also trying to reform his image. Yes, that’s the problem with bad guys, they’ve just misunderstood. They had to commit their deeds for the greater good. It’s all justifiable. Hmmm.

3 – The well-meaning scientist or professor who takes his theories a little too far. He meant well, but starts to develop a  messianic zeal to wipe the planet free of human beings in order to save it. Unfortunately, in this day and age, it’s hard to separate the nut job environmentalists making these kind of pronouncements – the human population  should be whittled down to 500 million, by any means – with the bad-guys scientists in Hollywood films. Spiderman (2012) had one of these characters.

One cannot blame doomsday preppers for their anxiety when supposedly sane, rational and well known scientists are making ending-the-human-species-is-good-for-the-earth kind of statements. We are animals, no different from the insects and mammals that are here. We are no worse or better than them in affecting the environment or the earth. People who talk about wiping off most human beings from the planet should just jump off the highest bridge they can find.

4 – The alpha male – He’s the perfect top flight above reproach male – as seen in the classic The Manchurian Candidate (1962). On the outside, he’s guileless: the man everyone respects, loves and adores. In reality, he’s been turned inside out. He’s often portrayed as a predictable and unassuming character, because he’s the first guy we often see in a film, but he’s a little too smooth and slick to believe.

Overall, we enjoy seeing that he is as corrupt as we initially suspected. The above reproach guy is the one we never liked that much in the first place.

5 – The beta male – He’s the disrespected sidekick to the alpha male. He feels he’s been hiding his true self while laboring in the shadow of the top dog male. He covets everything the alpha has: women, power, respect or fear and an almost extreme level of worship for his incredible prowess. In some stories, he wants the same woman, or women, of the alpha male. In the animal kingdom this happens all the time: the alpha male always has to keep the beta males in check or they will take his “throne.”

Good writing can make these story lines the best of all.

6 – The femme fatale – She does it because she’s bored, like Catwoman. She’s aroused by the pandemonium she causes, which serves to distract others from her real goals. She enjoys the havoc, but there’s no epic story here. She’s initially introduced as this retiring, shy, church mouse kind of person, when an earth-shattering event transforms her into a “dangerous”, sex-hungry, man-eating type of woman.

As is often the case, since men write this character, they show that they haven’t a clue as to how the female mind works. Rarely, are they accurate. But when done well, by the right actress, she can be fun and amusing to watch. Would be interesting if someone came up with a completely believable malevolent female villain. Although it was a comedy, The Devil Wears Pravda came close to how some women operate.

7 – The bent bastard – I was watching a British program, Line of Duty, and I grew to like this epithet. I heard it over and over again. At first, I wasn’t certain by what they meant. Then I realized it was a rather clean and clear expression of contempt. They meant someone corrupt, easily bought, with no morals or scruples. This is not a complicated villain with a higher calling or any of the other aspects we find in a typical one. He is the embodiment of the “good man” who stays silent, and does nothing, in the face of evil.

His sole objective is to get more by taking short cuts: shave the edges to make things go smoother, skim a little off the top. He has no ethics, so he’s easy to bribe and buy off. This character is a small time thief who usually ends up in trouble reaching far over his head.

What makes him a mark in the first place is that he’s a cop or a “good guy” who bends the line one time too many. His firm “rule of law” is a wet noodle. Eventually, his luck starts to run out, because he lets greed take over, unless the writer(s) decide to redeem him.

This was the case with The Shield, but I didn’t watch enough of it to see how far the writers went with the main character crossing the line into corruption. I suspected he went far enough at times.

8 – The antagonist – He’s the spiritual twin of the hero, in that he has an inflexible, unyielding moral code. He feel he’s too good for the world and must fix its flaws. He’s a highly intelligent and logical man, but he’s the worst kind of extremist. He rigidly abides by his own rule book, which leads to devastating consequences for everyone. He’s not someone satisfied with half-measures.

And he is truly the worst of the lot, yet an exquisite match for the hero. Think of  Professor Moriarty for Sherlock Holmes.

The hero is the one who has learned to accept the world as it is. The antagonist is the one who cannot. Hence, the eternal conflict between good and evil.

Ancient Parables

The original source of heroes and anti-heroes have their roots in ancient literature or religious documents. Our modern day superheroes are re-imagined demigods.

People have always hungered for a savior….

Update

Does anyone care to speculate which character-type Christopher Dorner would fall under?

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Black Actress Update: Props to Queen Latifah For Making ‘Joyful Noise’

About Us For Us

I saw the movie Joyful Noise over the weekend. I had no idea what it was about. I saw it with a girlfriend (who’s Asian), she was the one who recommended it. I think most of the reviews have been half and half regarding this film. It’s a musical, a comedy with small bits of drama.

The storyline is rather old fashioned, family friendly, and when I watched it, I felt it would be a perfect musical for the stage (Off or On-Broadway). I liked the music so much, I’m buying the soundtrack. By the way, I’m also a Dolly Parton fan. It was nice to see her in this film. Kirk Franklin shows up to do a song.

The Film’s Focus

One thing about Queen Latifah, when she makes a film with a black woman / women in it – she doesn’t take the spotlight off of them to share it with others. That will be part and parcel of why this film wont get high grades: there’s no storyline about any white girl(s) in this. It’s about black women: their friends, frenemies, families and men (black, white and Asian).

Yup, all the interracial couples in this movie involve black women. 🙂

Think about that when others try to persuade you to see films where we are invisible, don’t exist, or only make up part of the background scenery.

The Audience

From my quick visual survey at the time, the demographics looked rather good: a mixed crowd of people over 25, although mostly white couples or white women with their kids.

That tells me that a variety of folks will come out to see a film with black women in the lead.

Praise

So, I stand up and applaud Queen Latifah for quietly putting out a movie, TV program, or whatever, year after year that focus on us. Somehow, she’s figured out how navigate the treacherous waters of Hollywood as an Executive Producer to get stuff done.

I hope more black women can do the same.

The Red Tails Discussion

Also, I wanted to point everyone to the awesome discussion over on What About Our Daughters regarding the lack of black women in the film Red Tails by George Lucas.

Ladies, at the end of the day, it’s your wallet, do as you please. 😀

 

Update: My bad … I should have mentioned Keke Palmer. Her singing is amazing. I say if they ever wanted to make a new and improved, yet younger version of, The Bodyguard, they’ve got their girl.

 

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Black Actress Update: Hollywood’s Shrinking Box Office

I know if I made money the way Hollywood did, I’d be ecstatic. Especially when you have the most creative accountants in the world who can turn billions earned into “losses”. All legally, of course. That’s what you get for having the US Congress in your back pocket. I expect when their earnings decline even more, they will be asking for public funds to keep the business afloat (See General Motors). That will occur right after they make it illegal for anyone to say or watch anything on the Internet (pending legislative as of now).

But I digress, imagine being able to push garbage at people and compel them to head to a filthy, loud and uncomfortable theater just to sit through crappy schlock for nearly three hours? That clearly takes genius to run this con year after year, week after week and day after day. If they think they are losing money now, wait until everyone can download a film in the blink of an eye and re-create a movie theater at home without the nuisance, annoyance and hassle of a public one.

Nothing To See Here, Move Along

The box office take for Hollywood has been weak: headlines blurb about the lower attendance rates. A money quote from the BBC article:

“It’s unbelievable how bad it is,” said Hollywood.com analyst Paul Dergarabedian.

Are we supposed to weep for them? I thought this would be a bonanza year, since they have defenders, who say that films with too many black people – men and women, not just the guys – wont make money. This was the year of the whitest films around.

I’m usually a movie fiend, but this has been the year where I missed many of the “blockbuster films”, except for X Men: The Lamest Generation and Mission Impossible: Making Tom Cruise Hot Again. There may have been another, but I often forget a film the minute I leave the theater.

Come Back, Again, Ya Hear!?!

This was the year of sequels, remakes, prequels, comic books and animation. Proof of Hollywood’s emptiness.

The top 20 films of 2011, according to Box Office Mojo. I have a page that shows the same content of all the Top 100 films.

1 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 $381.00 WB
2 Transformers: Dark of the Moon $352.00 P/DW
3 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 $272.00 Sum.
4 The Hangover Part II $254.00 WB
5 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides $241.00 BV
6 Fast Five $209.00 Uni.
7 Cars 2 $191.00 BV
8 Thor $181.00 Par.
9 Rise of the Planet of the Apes $176.00 Fox
10 Captain America: The First Avenger $176.00 Par.
11 The Help $169.00 BV
12 Bridesmaids $169.00 Uni.
13 Kung Fu Panda 2 $165.00 P/DW
14 X-Men: First Class $146.00 Fox
15 Puss in Boots $143.00 P/DW
16 Rio $143.00 Fox
17 The Smurfs $142.00 Sony
18 Super 8 $127.00 Par.
19 Rango $123.00 Par.
20 Horrible Bosses $117.00 WB (NL)

 

The fresh entries: The Help, Bridesmaids, Super 8, Horrible Bosses, Rio and Rango. So, out of the top 20, roughly 6 of them were “original”, fresh-out-of-the-box material. Heh.

The Non-Mystery of the Twilight Lure

Honestly, doesn’t Breaking Dawn sound like a porn title, or is that just me? 😀

Breaking Dawn In

The funniest thing I’ve read were reports of women having “seizures” at this latest Twilight film, and no one knew what it was. It’s called an orgasm, people. Sheesh. It’s the 21st century and female biology is still a mystery. Um, women like Twilight and Vampire flicks, because of the eroticism. The yearning, withholding and anticipating. He’s a bad boy, and an eternally powerful man who bites and licks the neck, targeting one of the erogenous zones of the female body.

Yeah, “seizures.” Okay.

The Black Actress: Inclusion or Exclusion?

Forgive me for not listing all shows, or movies with a black actress. If you find some with a black actress of interest, please add it to the comments section. Let’s look at the top films of the year and see if that hypothesis is true, you know: less black women (or nice black male actors) equals more money per film.

When I glance at cast credits, I look at the first 5 to 10. They get the most speaking roles, so even if a black actress gets one line and is part of the scenery – to me – that doesn’t count.

Films that include black women in starring roles also (animation doesn’t count):

1. The Help – love it or hate it, we got a film about being maids, in 2011. Thank you, Hollywood. Thanks so much. All we black women can do is still be maids in the 21st century. A black woman is First Lady, but these people have us doing roles cleaning some white woman’s toilet with dignity! whilst pretending that’s got something to do with civil rights. Alrighty, then.

2. Bridesmaids – big hit – from the people that brought us Hangover. Not sure how much of a role she played, but Kali Hawk (love the name) is in it.

Update: Somehow I missed Maya Rudolph, and she’s one of the stars!

Thank you for the tip, Vonnie!

3. X-Men – Does not have a black actress with two black parents, but a half-half of two half-half was in it. So, I flipped a coin and decided to include Zoë Kravitz.

 Here’s the bottom 20 movies of 2011 for comparison:

80 In Time $36.00 Fox
81 Colombiana $36.00 TriS
82 Sucker Punch $36.00 WB
83 J. Edgar $36.00 WB
84 Larry Crowne $35.00 Uni.
85 The Descendants $35.00 FoxS
86 50/50 $35.00 Sum.
87 Drive (2011) $34.00 FD
88 A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas $34.00 WB (NL)
89 Courageous $33.00 TriS
90 The Rite $33.00 WB (NL)
91 Arthur (2011) $33.00 WB
92 The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) $32.00 Sony
93 The Adventures of Tintin $31.00 Par.
94 The Debt $31.00 Focus
95 Priest $29.00 SGem
96 The Mechanic $29.00 CBS
97 Abduction $28.00 LGF
98 Beastly $27.00 CBS
99 Winnie the Pooh $26.00 BV
100 Killer Elite $25.00 ORF

 

Anything Else We Need to Know?

An action film with a black actress is a miss, but the black actress as a maid might be up for an Oscar? Oh well.

1. Columbiana – Zoe Saldana. Perhaps she should stick to romances or something. Seriously, no one is going to believe that a 55 pound woman – soaking wet – can kick anybody’s ass.

2. Drive – Tiara Parker – don’t know if she has much of a role.

3. Larry Crowne – Tarina Pouncy – don’t know if she has much of a role.

4. Courageous – Eleanor Brown – don’t know if she has much of a role.

Notice that a lot of the big stars made spectacular flops this year? People are tired of them too.

Some of the bottom films are likely new releases, so those numbers will change for next year.

And that’s all folks….

Happy New Year. 😀

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Hollywood’s Obsession with Nazis

Missing Pieces of the Puzzle

One of the first scenes in X:Men First Class is devoted to a concentration camp … and Nazis. I turned to my friend, asking, “Why?”

She said, “They are the obvious bad guys.”

When we saw Shutter Island, I wondered. “What do the Nazis have to do with DiCaprio‘s character being crazy?” Maybe I missed something?

Inside Man was a great film. Fantastic build-up of suspension. The Clive Owen, Denzel Washington face-off is terrific. The bank-heist, but not-bank-heist concept was fascinating and riveting. Everything was on point, except for the reasoning behind the act. Let’s just say, it had something to do with – you guessed it – Nazis. It didn’t have to be the driver of the film, because anything more intimate, emotional, and feasible would have made more sense. It didn’t work as the glue that would have held the film together.

Even the over-hyped, critically acclaimed, creepy yet coma-inducing film American Beauty included a coming-right-out-of-left-field Nazi connection. If Chris Cooper’s character was a Confederate flag waving, KKK sympathizer, I could understand the subtext, but that kind of link never gets made. So the significance of the Nazi stuff was never clear to me. As far as I can recall, the film had no black or Jewish people.

Hollywood’s Historical Revisionism

I was reluctant to watch Inglorious Basterds. I avoid films about WWII. It got rave reviews, which made me suspicious. Whether a Hollywood film is good, bad, or indifferent, if it includes Nazis it automatically wins an Oscar. Sort of like being handed a Nobel Peace Prize, because they like the individual. It is not due to a significant paradigm changing action on the winner’s part.

Was it worth seeing? Christoph Waltz and Michael Fassbender (hotness) steal the show. It was an interesting dramedy, entirely tongue-in-cheek. It rewrote history. I wont give away much more than that. However, watching an ultra-blond Brad Pitt (Lt. Aldo Raine) say, “Nazis” with a southern drawl, over and over and over again struck me as bizarre. And his character is named Aldo? Okay.

I get that Raine was doing his patriotic duty at that time. But did America really have that kind of antagonism towards the Germans? I suspect it existed for the Japanese, based on the creation of internment camps. I read that German prisoners of war were treated better than black American troops. During that time, America quite easily turned away Jews fleeing Europe. Plus, let’s not forget the southern pastime of lynching blacks.

I guess historical revisionism makes for “fun” fiction, and that’s what Hollywood does so well.

From Flag Waving Patriots to Something Else

There are two ways of looking at Hollywood’s portrayal of WWII: the time during the war, and the films that came after. Movies were very patriotic from the 1930s to 1950s. Those movies supported the country, its soldiers and citizens. They seemed over-the-top and a bit corny, but they never wavered from the subject of doing the “right thing”: saving a civilization’s freedom and liberty. It had its flaws, but it certainly was better than what the Axis (Germany, Japan, Italy, et al.) offered.

However, once this era passed, Hollywood’s movies shifted from blatant patriotism to something else.

The Indiana Jones film series has always been top among my favorites. Yet I found it odd when he said that he hated “Nazis” in the same vein as snakes. Why did I find it odd? Jones never came across as the flag waving type. Maybe if I saw the films again, that ethos is there, but I never felt that fueled his motives. It was always about the glorification of Jones, not America. He’s a hero for his self-interests, not because he was doing it for the “greater good”.

I also wondered, why would Nazis bother him? The movie franchise showed him in countries, territories, or colonies full of non-white natives he had no trouble shooting at, destroying their environments, ignoring their laws, and all other manner of conduct filled with blatant disdain. How was he any better than the “bad” Germans?

The Easy Choice Keeps Mutating

Movies have been remaking Nazis and turning them into something far worse than ever before. Various genres have cast them as sinister, time traveling, never aging, alien(?), world altering (Hellboy shows us it’s the Nazis’ fault again!), genetic mutating, and all consuming end-of-humanity evil geniuses to be vanquished. With those superhuman superpowers, it’s a wonder the “good guys” ever won, or will win, in these never-ending Hollywood movie wars.

Right. Right. I get that they are the obviously easy choice in today’s multi-polar everyone-gets-their turn-at-being-bad-and-evil kind of world. ‘Cause if the bad guys aren’t Nazis, then it must be an individual from the US military, or the entire government defense apparatus. In today’s Hollywood, it’s one or the other. Absolute patriotism is unfashionable. Plus, there’s a world market to sell out to.

And looking back in this manner to WWII, it is way easier to focus on Nazis than by offending the nutjobs that inhabit the world today.

The Reflection in the Mirror

With each and every film devoted to Nazis in measures big or small, I suspect subjective seepage. In some ways, Hollywood itself promotes a Nazi-like form of white supremacy. Unfortunately, the industry is blind to itself and lacks self-awareness. They are certain that they are the most creative, media savvy, “hippest”, smartest, and quite possibly the most moral, wise and knowing people on the planet. Outside of ensuring they get paid with the same ruthlessness of drug dealers, they are here to bestow knowledge on us dumb and ignorant “little” people.

And don’t we require their sage guidance? Otherwise, movies wouldn’t be filled with these preening dregs of society who often lecture us about what they think a politically ideal, environmentally pure, non-judgmental, perfect world is really like.

Nazis believed that blonds are the ultimate beauty and superior form of humanity. So does Hollywood. The word “blond” is treated as synonymous with “beauty” no matter what that woman actually looks like. Nearly every pale-skinned woman in the media must become a bleached blond. Otherwise, she’s not getting any work. Just glance around and note that every film, every TV show, every cable channel, every news broadcast, and every magazine cover must have a blond woman.

The Nazis wanted to rid the world of “subhuman” (mostly dark-skinned) races to create the perfect society. This elimination theme sometimes creeps into Hollywood films, TV shows, and other venues. Black and minority characters are often the first to die, no matter how idiotically. I can still remember the cheering over the death of that Nigerian character in District 9. Usually, the stupidest scenes are where black people volunteer to be killed: The Taking of Pelham 123 (’09), Mimic (’97), X-Men: First Class (’11), The Shining (’80), etc. I’m sure there’s more, but I’m not documenting every film ever made.

So, When Will the Well Go Dry?

I’m not asking Hollywood to stop making movies about WWII, or any that focus exclusively on the Holocaust, Nazis, blond women, or their favorite character Adolf Hitler. They are free to do so, since it is an easy money maker, crowd pleaser and scores Oscars without difficulty.

At the end of the day, it is all they can think of, since the well of ideas is going dry.

Yet, still, why the obsession with Nazis? I have a hunch that if Germans were deep frying people of color during WWII, there wouldn’t be peep or mention of it in any Hollywood movie what-so-ever. I bet we’d never see a Nazi in any film, sort of like how there’s never any mention, show, or display of slave owners, white American supremacists, small town sheriffs, or national guard members shooting, lynching and killing black people and keeping their body parts as souvenirs.

Is the obsession with Nazis due to some kind of freakish admiration? I believe that their ideology has survived, undergone some mutation, going on to be adopted worldwide via the media and its corrupt offspring the fashion industry. (See designer John Galliano for a clue. He’s not a bug; he’s a feature.)

Then again, adding Nazis to every film could just be a cheap, quick, and lazy rendering of history and riven-of-meaning plot device. Outside of my evaluation, they’re just movies after all, even if people increasingly treat them as historical fact.

Captain America awaits you. Set back in WWII it will, of course, come with no surprises.

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Premiere’s List: 40 Most Handsome Hollywood Men

Chopped, modified, and borrowed from premiere.com. By: Premiere.com Staff, 08/21/2009 11:51 am

Mentally, I cross off the guys that still look like kids (at least to me). What’s left are these guys – in no particular order – that are a little rough around the edges (some might be geezers to y’all):

  • Bradley Cooper,
  • Ryan Reynolds,
  • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,
  • Johnny Depp (I just love him, it’s not about the looks anymore),
  • Eric Bana (goofy sexy),
  • Aaron Eckhart (slobber / drool),
  • Idris Elba (sorta has a sneaky vibe, but nice to look at),
  • Daniel Craig (fugly sexy),
  • Dennis Quaid,
  • Ed Burns (I can’t stand him, but yeah, I’d do him),
  • and old school handsome George Clooney (I like looking at him, not really interested in touching).

The other guys: Meh.

My snarky comments are under the picture captions.

Update: I tell you, the ladies added way way hotter additions than what Premiere came up with. See the comments section. 😀

1. James Franco

Mr Petulant and Sulky

2. Robert Pattinson

Here today. Gone tomorrow.
Here today. Gone tomorrow. Keep that hope alive.

3. Bradley Cooper

This picture does him no justice. I'd hit that.

4. Hugh Jackman

He's likeable. Handsome? Sorta.

5. Josh Duhamel

The guy leaves me dry. He's okay.

6. Ryan Reynolds

He really should stop wearing clothes.

7. Jake Gyllenhaal

I want to lobby Congress to pass legislative to keep him from "acting." Dude cannot act his way out of a paperbag. Always the same expression throughout an entire movie. As for being handsome: Meh.

8. Christian Bale

He's good looking, but the "crazy" wipes it away. How could Premiere leave out Sam Worthington?

My addition: Sam Worthington

He's not on the list! Are these people nuts?

9. Channing Tatum

Is it the steroids? Is he John Cena's mini-me? Probably.
John Cena will kick your ass!

10. Orlando Bloom

He's never going to look like an adult.

11. James Marsden

Good looking guy, he just never looks right on screen. Do they do it on purpose?

12. Brad Pitt

Mr. Smug, Smirky, and Annoying

13. Jamie Foxx

Chinese Shar Pei aka Jamie Foxx

14. Gerard Butler

Not actually handsome, but he is an entertaining actor.

15. Joseph Gordon Levitt

He's been an old man his entire life. Ease up on the recreational drugs dude.

16. Zac Efron

My how he's grown.

17. Chris Pine

I give him props for nailing the Captain Kirk-a-tude correctly.

18. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

I wont hold my breath that half-negro will ever co-star a real black woman as his love interest. He's still fine though.

19. Jonathan Rhys Meyers

I don't get the attraction for this guy, but I wont hate on him. He's a good actor.

20. Jay Hernandez

¿quién es este? Who is this? Never heard of the guy.

21. Robert Downey Jr.

Downey's got "crazy man" eyes.

22. Denzel Washington

At least he's not afraid of co-starring with a black actress. Much love, Denzel!

23. Johnny Depp

Ever since 21 Jump Street, still love the guy. Don't be afraid of the sisters Johnny, at least co-star with one in a major flick (the pirate franchise doesn't count).

24. Leonardo DiCaprio

For the longest time I still thought he was in his 20s. He is an old man though!

25. Emile Hirsch

Sorry. He looks like a woman to me.

26. Chris Messina

Who?

27. Paul Rudd

He reminds me of Jason Bateman.
The brother of Paul Rudd?

28. Eric Bana

So hot. And I forgive him for the Hulk movie.

29. Tyrese Gibson

Think we'll ever see a black woman with his features get work like him? Oh, I didn't think so either. I was wondering if he now has in his contract to not have any black women as his co-star. Just wondering.

30. Aaron Eckhart

(Drool / slobber) I forgive him for working with Gwenyth Paltrow, I guess he needed the work.

31. Gael García Bernal

Great actor. Willing to do any role. To the point where it is disgusting. Is he handsome? After a few drinks. Probably.

32. Idris Elba

Good looking, but he has such a "I'm sneaky" vibe about him.

33. Daniel Craig

Totally fugly. Totally sexy. Watch him walk.

34. Ryan Gosling

He lacks gravitas. He cannot carry a film.

35. Josh Lucas

The little brother of Matthew McConaughey. Just kidding.

36. Dennis Quaid

Looking good old man. I would hit that.

37. Milo Ventimiglia

Meh. I suspect he got Simone killed off of Heroes.

38. Ed Burns

Irritating voice. Irritating man. Yeah, I'd do him.

39. George Clooney

Great actor. Nice to look at.

40. Ewan McGregor

Like Rhys Meyers, I don't get the attraction factor, but he's a decent actor.
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