Ladies, Is He Good Enough For You?

As we often see in the news, or experienced based on observation, plenty of men reach powerful positions, have a lot of responsibilities, and will be totally, absolutely morally deficient. They will be amoral, immoral, with a massive touch of egotism. Oh, they’re Alpha Males alright, better known as dogs, not wolves. Dogs are wonderful animals, but you know I mean the two legged kind. 🙂

Ladies, don’t ever let anyone tell you that “everyone does it” or “all men are the same.” Have some standards. The media likes to plate up degeneracy like it’s the latest delicacy. All you’ll get is food poisoning down the road. Imagine the kind of society they are pushing us towards.

Has shame gone out of style? Do we really want to continue lowering the bar until adults have sexual relations with small children and call that progressiveness? Imagine a society where no one shows impulse control, like everybody driving through red lights, or drunk and high. Would you feel safe?

A society without moral codes and mutual trust yields chaos and bedlam. I’ve lived through two blackout with riots. I’m not exaggerating when I say those aren’t fun experiences. Imagine living with that all the time. And we know there are places around the world where this is the case.

I don’t know what it will take to stave off further decay in this society. We need a society full of strong families with honest people. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. But a world where people relish a world without any sort of decency ethos yields a declining standard of living for everyone. Without stability what we’ll get is … well, think of those Zombie Apocalypse books and movies having an element of truth to them.

We cannot predict the future. We cannot always assume what’s in the hearts of people. But you cannot have a decent life with someone who has no shame, feels no guilt, likes to tell a lot of little lies, stealing, bullying or cutting corners. He’s not worthy of you if he’s freely giving everyone around him the shaft. (Pun intended).


White Women

A while ago, someone sent an email asking why did I not write about white women.

That was funny.

The Proper Focus

At the top of this blog, the stated purpose of this site is to acknowledge the awesomeness of BLACK women. I’ve been accused of being a white man at times (tee hee hee), but I write to promote our self-love.* We get beat down more than other groups or otherwise ignored in the general course of things, unless it is reinforcing a stereotype.

As an ignored group which occasionally receives negative attention, I figure, Why not spend some time on issues that directly or indirectly affect us?

There Is No There There

I don’t write about white women, in general, for this sole reason: they are ubiquitous. They are everywhere, all the time. So much so that the writer of the email was a white woman mistakenly wondering why I wasn’t focusing on her group.

Um, okay.

After I stopped laughing, I wrote back. We exchanged a few emails. She meant well. This was a nice woman who didn’t really understand what the focus of my blog was. She was coming from a white feminist perspective, which is that everything that happens to black women comes through the prism of white women.

In her mind, our lives will always include them, sometimes as the center of attention. Yet in their lives, we are on the periphery as predictable parochial characters. Sorta like every show you see on TV today. Black shows require a white woman. White women shows have a black sidekick or she doesn’t exist except as part of the scenery in the background.

What Does Irk – The Irksomeness

There are, however, some issues, that come to mind about white women:

  1. Weak Woman Whining: Complaining about being treated as weak women is what I call the femininity gripe. Oh boy, what a wonderful problem to have! Imagine being regarded as a strong like-a-man creature all the time, where no one thinks you are delicate, have feelings, or sensitive? You know, like all other women are? Unfortunately, a lot of black women embrace this othering. White women may want to be strong and manly, and beg to be treated “equally”, but black women want to be seen as feminine, because this whole like-a-man business doesn’t yield “equality” at all. It works as a negation of our womanhood: Hallmark is selling Father’s Day cards aimed at us.
  2. The Only Woman Self-Delusion: It is irksome expecting us to listen to your problems without reciprocity. When black women launched a movement called No Wedding No Womb (NWNW), white feminists crawled out of the woodwork needing to bandwagon onto the topic, and make it about them. I have never seen so much depraved, immoral preening, and navel gazing. This could not be about black women’s empowerment. Nope. Obviously, somebody had made a mistake: it needed to be about white women, or it wasn’t a valid cause. Sometimes it’s not all about white women, there are issues just about black women. What became clear to me is that if they are not the center of attention, it’s not considered a valid “woman’s issue.” Uhuh.
  3. Gone With The Flatulent Wind: We’re not at work to be your chambermaid, personal servant, attack dog, or therapist. White women love complaining about male exploitation (same work less pay, harassment, etc), but what about what’s being done to the black women in the office by them? I acknowledge that other people can be just as trifling to black women. I accept and believe that there is a much bigger social benefit to be gained knowing and associating with white women than with other groups, but it’s up to black and white women to re-create balance to normalize and stabilize this relationship.
  4. Media Stalking – It Is All About You: Some black women do express some frustration when the news media focuses on a white woman to the exclusion of all else. There is a massively overwhelming amount of resources spent on their disappearances, run-away bride stories, trials, reality TV shows, and all manner of attention on these individuals, because she fits the “pretty white woman” profile. All other groups fall by the wayside.
  5. It’s Not Jealousy – It’s Irritation: Black women benefit when white women benefit. For those of us who have a good understanding of feminism, and the important leading role black women have historically played in it, we understand that it is win-win. We just don’t appreciate when things get whitewashed to remove the first black woman, which is a woman making history too!, when a white woman comes along and finally makes the same record. Then it becomes – the first woman to blah blah blah – when a black woman has already made this distinction. That’s the perniciousness of racism and sexism. So when white women act as if they are the sole victims of sexism, that is irritation at work, not jealousy.

The Casey Anthony Show

I didn’t follow the trial. I originally thought Casey was a guy, and the woman shown in the picture for the news story was his victim. (That’s what I get for skim reading.) The case made me vaguely remember a rash of disappearing / missing children in Florida a few years back, and her kid was one of those stories.

I have two observations that I haven’t read or heard mentioned. 1) Casey Anthony would be in jail if she was charged with manslaughter or murder in the 2nd degree (?). 2) No one on that jury was going to put a “pretty white woman” on death row.

This mistake by the prosecutor reminded me of the OJ trial. (Yeah. Oh boy, here we go.) Marsha Clark thought that all the black women on the jury would identify with the white woman, Nicole Brown, as opposed to O.J. That’s an example of white women being blind to the racial and sexual dynamics of black women. They assume we identify more with them as opposed to that of black men, and many assume we live or die for black men (well maybe a large number do, but not all).

However, those assumptions are wrong, because our reality is completely different from black men and white women. Not every situation where we are concerned will yield an easy checklist of answers, because of our sex or race. People continue to make mistakes in understanding black women due to those assumptions. Sometimes it will be true, more often than not, folks will get tripped up by it.

What Does That Have To Do With White Women?

Nothing at all. That’s why I don’t write about them. 🙂

However, it is up to us, as black women to help people understand our distinctive selves.

*Narcissism for Black Women: The Very Good and Healthy Expression of Deep Self-Love, and Extreme Self-Devotion.


For Black Women – No Respect: Is It Open Season on Black Women and Black Girls?

Thanks for the various links Amanda (BWMM) and Bellydancer. 🙂

They Don’t Respect Disabled Little Girls: Papa’s Gotta Straighten Them Out

A black father boards a bus to stop “children” from bullying his disabled daughter. I can tell you right now. Back in the day, if that had been me –  my Father, my Mother, my Uncles, my brothers, and half of the peeps on my block would have gone after these animals. And rest assured, the parents of these kids would have gotten their ish together and stopped that behavior. Whenever we pulled even mildly stupid crap, an adult, parent or not, came after us.

Folks are different today. Not sure if it’s something in the food, or if it’s just the sign of declining civility, responsibility, morality, or overall decency. Take your pick.

According to

A father, who was trying to protect his disabled daughter from her alleged bullies, was caught on camera threatening students on a school bus. James Jones’ daughter suffers from cerebral palsy and is now on suicide watch. The girl’s father boarded the school bus on September 3 and threatened students during a profanity-laced tirade.

The scene on the school bus via YouTube: click here.

Can you believe that it’s the father that got arrested? I don’t agree with his use of profanity and his threats, but I can imagine his frustration.

Like Amanda (BWMM) says: “Kudos for the dad. I think they weren’t expecting a father to come and check they asses.”

Yup. People think black FATHERS don’t care anymore about defending their daughters. They still exist. Despite what the anti-NWNW lunatics would have everybody believe.

They Don’t Respect Little Old Ladies: Chi-Town Shoot Out

An elderly woman in Chicago has to get out her gun to stop the neighborhood thug – who’s only 12 years old! – from continuing to harass and throw bricks at her home breaking the windows. One of the tossed bricks had hit her in the chest.

According to

Margaret Matthews, a 68-year-old woman living in Chicago’s Southeast Side, picked up a gun Tuesday night and shot a 12-year-old boy in the arm.

The upshot? The boy was cited for a misdemeanor crime – while she wasn’t charged with any wrongdoing. Matthews, neighbors say, was the target of constant harassment from the 12-year-old – a ringleader of a group of kids who allegedly vandalized Matthews’s home, broke items in her shed and even set her garbage on fire.

“I would say [the kids] were bulling her,” neighbor Frenchie Johnson told local TV station CBS2. “She stayed there by herself. They know that. And she’s one of the ladies that, she stands up for herself.”

I cannot even fathom what kind of child(ren) does this. Predator. Sociopath. I’m trying to picture even the worse thugs (back in the day) trying to pull this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t happen. Only because the entire block had black fathers, white fathers, and other ethnic group fathers. The kids on welfare had daddies. The MEN back then wouldn’t let this kind of insanity get started, whether it was their son(s) or not.

According to the media, the only “parent” that boy has is his grandmother. There is no man to teach him right from wrong. That’s why he’s a menace. He considered her easy bait.


“She was being protective of herself,” said a man who lives next door. “What they did was wrong. Especially with her being an older woman.”

That’s a damn shame, living alone, and being victimized by generation 2.5 fatherless spawn. It’s too much like Dawn of the Dead.

They Don’t Respect Black Girls with White Boys: Stomping a Defenseless Couple

You know it’s end times when degenerate black males are inviting Latinos to physically disrespect black girls with their boyfriends. One would have thought that the last 20 odd years of hip hop, BET videos, and vile web sites / online forums would be enough. I suspect when black women / girls were talking about black and brown people working together, getting stomped and battered by them wasn’t what they expected.

I’m not surprised by this. This is the next step after the entertainment violence against black women, and it’s moving from the verbal street harassment to absolute anarchy. Let’s get real, it’s OPEN SEASON on black women and girls.

According to news:

Cleveland Police Sgt. Sammy Morris tells Fox 8 News that three students from Rhodes High School have been arrested for felonious assault in connection with the attack of a young, interracial couple.

According to the police report, a group of eight boys ranging in age from 15 to 19, from James Ford Rhodes High School, followed the couple south on W. 50th Street. The suspects were making insulting, vulgar and aggressive comments like, “You’re cute but I’m gonna punch him in the face.”

Minutes later, the boys made good on that threat, but instead — they punched the female victim in the face.

… they were targeted because they are an interracial couple. The girl is African American and the boy is Caucasian. Her boyfriend defended her and was then viciously punched and kicked by the mob, the report said.

How brave these punks were. Notice how they attacked the girl first? That’s how it is for black males (and now their invited cohorts). If they aren’t verbally attacking black women / girls, then it’s all out physical assault. They would have attacked her even if she was alone. It’s what they normally do … see examples just cited.

They just didn’t expect the white MAN to defend her.

Open Season on Black Women and Black Girls: They Are Seen as Easy Prey

What’s the running theme in all of these stories? No one expects black women / black girls to be protected by anyone.

Why not? We haven’t been protected and respected over the years. Listen and look at what gets produced in the name of entertainment and how it’s directed at us. It’s non-stop insults, harassment, vileness, crudeness, and sickening racism / sexism. And it’s never ending. Whether it started on the streets and ended up as “entertainment” is irrelevant. Violence is still the end result.

Some of the cures – for those of you who take your well being seriously:

  • Stop feeding the monster(s) … socially, economically, financially, via web site hits, responding verbally / non-verbally, or any type of acknowledgment. Whatever it is. Get away. Get away.
  • Move. Nearly every real estate web site has crime stats. As soon as you are able: go where the crime rate is low. Don’t be surprised if that means living where black males are few, far away, and little seen. Your life, and perhaps those of your loved ones, depends on it.

Ladies, consider this: Who are your defenders? Cultivate some, whether it’s a glock, tazer, mace, or pit bull. Take your pick.

Learn to defend yourself: it’s time for us to stop being so vulnerable. Be safe.


Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Are Black People Doomed?

It’s the last day of September, Devil’s Advocate* month. It’s round up time. :D

Before I begin, I have to highlight these fantastic blogs for their incisive commentary:

They all provide awesome analysis into the current state of the “black community”. The beauty of these blog posts is that they are complementary, logically flow together, and it can’t get better than that.

Follow The Trail Before It Goes Cold

What’s happening? Perhaps you’ve been reading some of these blogs mentioned above and others. You’ve been thinking: What are these women talking about? What are they trying to get at? They’re obsessed with empowering black women and girls by knocking the “brothers” down, harshly criticizing black people, abandoning the “black community” (by moving to low crime neighborhoods), and heading off to Europe, the West Coast or around the world, to find a white man (or non-black) to marry.

Apparently, the last straw for some people antagonistically familiar with some of these blogs was the No Wedding No Womb (NWNW) campaign. However, not all of the BWE / IR blogs were involved. Why? While it may seem to be a part of the logical outgrowth of these blogs, in some fashion NWNW is the antithesis of the general message.

Please note, I support NWNW, yet it also points in a direction that doesn’t fit within the contextual theme of the BWE / IR blogs.

No Wedding No Womb: The Blacklash

There’s been an interesting reaction to the No Wedding No Womb (NWNW) campaign. A lot of people saw a scarlet letter tattooed to their foreheads, and it stopped them from thinking. They lashed out at the spearhead of the campaign. The first and most consistent (and let’s be real, the only one they cared about) criticism: she’s married to a white man.

That’s right, her white husband meant that the general purpose of NWNW was suspect, illegitimate, ill conceived, and problematic, because it did NOT do the following:

  1. support “black love”,
  2. encourage “good brothas” to marry black women,
  3. deify black men,
  4. hold black males responsible,
  5. uplift the black family,
  6. use a less “judgmental” campaign phrase,
  7. blame white people,
  8. promise to fight patriarchy,
  9. hail the superiority of “non-traditional” families,
  10. recognize the incredible benefits of fatherless black children,
  11. request increases in government funding,
  12. support a woman’s right to be sexually adventurous / promiscuous,
  13. realize that the real reason the OOW rate is so high, is the fault of married black women.

You got that right: married black women aren’t doing their part, so the slack is being taken up by unmarried black women. It’s not quality of black people that counts, it’s the quantity. Folks need to keep the population high, quality of life for black women and girls notwithstanding. So there’s actually nothing wrong. Everything’s fine. Move along people. Stop gawking.

Are Black People Doomed?

Katrina was a fast example of black decline and government indifference at all levels. There are other examples that abound as well. In August 2010, a majority black crowd lined up to be put on a waiting list for section-8 housing in the Atlanta area. The number of units available came to less than 700. Crowds estimated at 30,000 to 50,000 (likely 97% black women and children) showed up. This is because the government is getting out of the public housing business. The number of available units is shrinking.

Hey folks, everything really is fine and dandy, please ignore the high rates of school dropouts, unemployment, incarceration rates, rates of death for young black women from AIDS, homicide rates, children born out of wedlock (OOW), black children in foster care, and the attrition of “good” jobs, etc.

I Like My Kool Aid Purple

In case it’s not apparent, I’ll spell it out:

Will black people see increased government funding? Not gonna happen. We’ve got wars to fight. Monies for social programs are being cut, and it’ll continue.

Is keeping the population high part of our strength? Doesn’t matter. Latinos already outnumber black people. Asians eventually will too. Plus Asians value higher education, strong family units, and possess incredible financial resources. Both groups marry whites in high numbers.

Are we politically relevant? Nope. Don’t be fooled by the current presence in the White House. When a member (Shirley Sherrod) of the group giving the highest percentage of votes can get tossed without a pause – the message is clear – black women have no political clout. That’s because we never use it, we give it away with no bargaining power.

Are there enough “good brothers” a.k.a purple unicorns around? He left the hood over forty years ago. Each generation leaves at the first peak of dawn. When they make good (career, financially and socially) they marry a non-black woman. Nearly a quarter (20% plus) of all eligible black men (you know, the “good brothers”) are married to a non-black woman.

White people have the same problems too, we just lead the trend. And the price of tea in China is what? Before the 1960’s, there used to be more white people in jail than black people. They were the face of crime. Don’t count on them following us off the cliff. They believe in course correction.

The government will solve our problems, or white people will save us. I know it hasn’t been stated blatantly in that fashion, but I realize a number of people seem to believe this. They’ve tried (see Affirmative Action and the War on Poverty). They’re done (see Ronald Reagan, Tea Party). The guilt is gone (see current White House resident). They put their children first, as always. They’ve got their own worries about family, friends, and foes. The economy, wars, environment, endangered animals, landing on Mars, and so on has their attention.

Should We Really Care?

Nope. There will always be a tiny top tier that survives and thrives. This sliver of population doesn’t appear on television. They aren’t entertainers, sports athletes, or media appointed leaders. They stay out of the lime light. They’ve planned for the quality of life for their children. They’ve leaving a valuable legacy for their progeny. They have their eye on the ball. They aren’t worried about the masses.

Neither should we.

One of the critical goals of the BWE /IR blogs is recommending how to increase quality of life for black women and girls. Criticism serves to help you see the forest for the trees. Like all advice – you take what works and leaves the rest.

There is no “black community” to save. It is all individual effort, and it is also determined by the company you keep. Choose your friends and advisers wisely. If they are not enriching your spirit, your mind, body and finances. Run, do not walk, away.

Last Thoughts on This (For Now)

Based on the feedback from twitter and blogs against NWNW, I’d say that some very vocal black people are unconcerned about their own general well being, and that of other black people. So why should anyone else be?

However, there are self-sufficient people who could do with some assistance. There are motivated black women and girls who are interested in moving out and up. They are the ones we care about.

As for those who believe they have to be persuaded to care about themselves – remember this proverb: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.


From the woman who started the ball rolling with BWE / IR blogs in general. I salute you, Halima. Thank you for this comment:

Thanks for this GoldenAh

and for the record I support NWNW. And yes you have rightly pointed out that there is a certain disconnect with BWIR which leans towards bw doing their thing independent of bm (because we feel as things stand, struggling to make it work with bm and bw is of no use and wont work), but the angle i come in on is that bw should be protected and supported in child bearing so yes it links to the wider sense of NWNW (indeed NWNW has never stated it is only about bw and bm though i know for a fact that this is the underlying context within which oow is being considered).

What the whole storm around NWNW has shown me…there are some strong gatekeepers of black dysfunction and destruction, folks happy to let the situation continue to deteriorate while they have intellectual debates about the right way to do ‘activism’ that is if there is need for it to start with!

One could say that poverty has become an integral part of blackness and of the ‘culture’ of black people and thus some folks are fighting tooth and nail to ensure that this culture continues because it is authentic for blackness, indeed rather than look for ways to get bw to lift up and out, they argue for a continuation of the dynamics that keep black people/women authentically black i.e. in poverty.

some feel that because they have signed up to ‘progressive’ principles, they have no choice but to support bw’s activities that mire them in poverty, indeed they have to support bw self limiting choices out of their devotion and dedication to feminist perspectives like ‘not slut shaming’.

I can only think of how Jesus said to the Pharisees that ‘The Sabbath was made for man not the man for the Sabbath’, when they insisted in ‘sticking’ to the letter of the law than grant freedom to the person under its yoke, and so as i have said before, any feminism that doesn’t address bw needs and situation is not one bw should be too concerned about!

remember that black people are always the forerunners in terms of negative trends, so we are now ‘leading’ in what could well soon become a  mainstream debate; ‘do people have a right to be left to wilfully chart a ‘self destruct’ course’.

it is important that each young bw know that there are two factions out for their souls. those who want them to continue to be free to make the choices that lead them into permanent underclass status because as you know, ‘it is a personal freewill choice‘, and then there are others who are fighting for them to survive and we are not content to just say, ‘well it was their choice’. we are the latter, who are not too attached to any ‘ideology’ to be happy to let our daughters and girl-children go to hell in a hand basket.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil’s advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.

No Wedding No Womb

No Wedding No Womb


The post regarding this topic can be found here: Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Are Black Males Real Men?

That question is meant to challenge the relationship dynamic and mate selection criteria of black women today….

It’s something to think about.

Thanks to Christelyn D. Karazin, founder and organizer, No Wedding No Womb! for inviting me to contribute, and spear heading this movement.



From Connie Whitener via

On September 22 – the 148th anniversary of The Emancipation Proclamation – African American writers throughout the United States are being encouraged to flood the blogosphere for an entire day of online debate, information, and commentary under the auspices of “No Wedding, No Womb!” (NWNW) an initiative that seeks to address the problems of-and provide solutions to-the unplanned pregnancies among African American single women. Nearly half of all families in the African American community are headed by Black women. In addition, more than 70 percent of live births in the Black community are to unmarried women.


Black Women – Devil’s Advocate: Are Black Males Real Men?

It’s September, and it’s Devil’s Advocate* month.

I was sent a link to this picture. Thanks Chocholatestar. 😀

We don’t know who created it, but it does beg the question: Are black males real men? People like to pretend that out of wedlock (OOW) births are an issue that is the sole responsibility of, and problem for, black women to resolve. It is not. Although black people love to embrace this particular myth, I need to repeat this fact to shatter it. Black culture or societies, whether in America, or around the world are NOT matriarchal. It never has been. Not by accident, not by default, and not by design.

It is a man’s world. Always has been, always will be. People enjoy tossing the words “strong black woman” and matriarchal around to hide a glaringly obvious defect: black males are failing as men. Their sole competitors are other men, not black women. Socially, economically, and developmentally they are lagging behind. Black women cannot fix that problem for them. No matter how financially generous, emotionally supportive, abject, submissive, relentlessly hyper-critical and abnegating of self – you cannot lift nor mold an “adult” black male into a man. It is self-destructive. It is the core of dysfunction.

Years ago, a radio talk show host I was listening to, without an ounce of political correctness in his body, made the following joke:

Question: “What is Father’s Day called in the black community?”

Answer: “Who’s My Daddy Day.”

So not only does a national talk show host know about the situation, it’s considered a joke. Despite what people may think: the joke is on black males, not black women.

Recently, a football coach of a prominent college mentioned that the only recruits that interest him are those with a father involved in his life. I think the coach was one of the few people talking about a strategy that people already utilize without giving voice to. Despite the polite chatter of the mass media, in real life people are quietly and severely penalizing the OOW offspring of black males.

Why? Because if they don’t care about their children, why should they expect others to?

Which brings me to this point: why mess with a male who statistically is predisposed not to marry, provide protection, bring resources to the relationship, offer support, or bother to raise his own children? Jill Scott may wince at “brothas” who are marrying non-black women, but she willingly had a child for one with a I-Am-Irresponsible neon sign over his head.

Is she a masochist? Perhaps.

Black women, do yourselves a favor, don’t join the masochists’ club(s). You are entitled to be happy. Don’t let anybody tell you that you are selfish, greedy, mercenary, a gold digger or desperate, because you seek a MAN who is going to do the things that most normal men around the world automatically do: marry, provide for their families, and raise their children.

Always consider this: there are millions of illegal immigrant MEN willing to face murderous gangs, cross a deadly border, walk for thousands of miles in the desert, eagerly join our military, and work from dust to dawn at sub-minimum wages just to send their meager earnings home to feed, clothe, and shelter HIS WIFE and KIDS.

Why? Because that’s what REAL MEN do.

*According to Wikipedia, Devil’s Advocate is:

In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position, the individual taking on the devil’s advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.