To Pack It All Up and Move Away
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
I want to run away from this life.Right now, more than ever, I've this
intense urge to sell
my crap; junk the stuff cluttering up my life.
Let go of
my issues. Just leave.
My problem: I love my home.It's the first, and only one, I've bought. The neighborhood is s'okay; crime is nearly nonexistent. There's a steep price to pay for living here:
New Jersey is one, if not the most expensive state in the country. It also feels like the most depressing, isolating, and socially stagnant places in the world.
It's weird how much I miss
Brooklyn, when I could
not wait to leave that place!
My current home is my comfort zone. This is where I hide from everyone. I don't believe I should
need someplace that makes me reluctant to let go of. I don't think it's
healthy. I should be able to adapt to any environment;
enjoy myself. At some point, in the future, I know I will move.
My other issue: I wouldn't know where to go. I used to want to a second home
in
Florida. I used to want to work in
Nevada. I used to want to return to
England. I used to want to find a home in
Canada. I used to want to relocate to
Australia or
New Zealand. I used to want to hang out in
Spain. I used to want to chill down in the
Bahamas,
Barbados,
Puerto Rico, or the
U.S. Virgin Islands.
I have the "grass is greener" syndrome. I take this feeling to mean that I need to take a trip. I read about people who backpack around the world. I feel no envy. I'd rather go somewhere, hang out for a couple of days and return to my home.
There are places I'd still like to visit:
Australia,
Italy,
Germany, B.C. Vancouver, the
Netherlands, maybe
India or
Japan. I need to make plans, or I'm going to go crazy.
Labels: Brooklyn, Caribbean, home, New Jersey, peace of mind, starting over, stress, travel
posted by GoldenAh
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Black American? or American Who Is Black? Part ii
Monday, January 14, 2008
Please note for those of you who are literalistic: I mean some, not all, when referencing black or white Americans.I have a confession to make: I rarely think about
my race. I'm not saying that I am color-blind. I don't even know what sense to make of that word. What does it convey? That's like saying: I don't see men or women, everyone is the same gender. That's just stupid.
I admire all sorts of things about different groups of people, be it their coloring or cultural or religious heritage. I also enjoy being brown skinned. I enjoy my complexion. I like who I am. I delight in it.
It's just that the race I am (in America) is not at the forefront of my thinking. However, I like my own definition of self. Yes, for practical reasons, at this point in time, my race is black. Lord knows what tomorrow will bring: What black Americans or the US government will call the group next.
It doesn't change who or what I am.And no, I don't see myself as African American. That's a misnomer. I was born in Europe, shouldn't I call myself European American?
I am an American. My cultural heritage is West Indian. I like saying black, because it's a shorthand term: a political, social subset of Americans with a degree of African heritage, among others.
I have noticed that amongst some generational Americans taking note of your background upsets them. They act like it is an either or choice. Pick one and it's offensive, pick the other and you are rejecting their social and cultural dictates.
They get upset with hyphenated Americans, or there are others who want people to emphasize the hyphen and fit within their group definition.
White Americans seem to dislike the hyphenation and emphasis on racial / ethnic background.
Black Americans seem to dislike black immigrants who don't immediately accede to their definition of "black". For example, a Jamaican, Nigerian, Hutu or Guyanese, etc. may see themselves as a West Indian or African, or whatever first, and not ascribe to being "black".
Somehow that accurate self-definition is a rejection of them.I've always looked at it this way: black Americans have to stop thinking that immigrants of any color
owe them something. They do not. Unfortunately, no one cares if your ancestors fought in the Revolutionary or Civil War or any of the following wars.
They didn't march and die alone in the Civil Rights movement: some whites and even some black immigrants were right alongside them.
When America decided to change, they felt they were changing it for the
better of everyone, not just generational black Americans. Otherwise, the words used in Civil Rights legislation wouldn't have been "minorities."
Black Americans also have to stop telling immigrants, Africans and Caribbean peoples, how to define themselves. These people are coming from countries where everyone is more or less the same race.
Who are you to tell them what they are? Those who complain are the same ones that resent the immigrant for his appearance and progress in this country. Hey, it is a struggle to come here, work, study and start fresh from scratch.
It makes them grateful to be here.
They aren't carrying the scars of past historical racial antagonism with white Americans. So don't expect them to.
They're not here to do that.
Last, but not least, they come here for a multitude of reasons. If this magnificent country lets them in:
they will take advantage of it.
In some cases, that may mean staying, and letting their kids become
Americans. Or it may mean going back home to retire after working here a number of years.
Yet, it is not up to black Americans to define who is black in this country.They have to learn to accept people who come here as they are, and stop demanding more from people who happen to have a degree of African ancestry in common.
At some point, every group assimilates.
Labels: African, Black American, black women, Caribbean, White American
posted by GoldenAh
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Black American? or an American Who Is Black? Part i
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I have a confession to make: I rarely think about
my race.
I mean that I don't wake up every morning and say, "Damn, I'm still black?" or "Damn, where can I go to escape being a black person?" I also don't see everything through a prism of: this is racist! I don't go looking for it.
I do think about being a woman, almost all the time, especially at my age, more than anything else. Why don't I think about my race? Let me try to put my thoughts in perspective.
I've been traveling since I was a little kid. I've been to the Caribbean, which have black majority ruled countries. I grew up in a mostly black area here in the USA.
Even as I got older and really traveled overseas to Europe (and other places hopefully!), certain things stood out in my mind. In the Caribbean and elsewhere,
I'm a woman first. People may ask, or note, that I am also an American.
I'd get into the specifics of why they know I'm American, but that's for another posting. The same goes for Europe, well, except for the UK. People assume I am native there. Aside from
driving on the wrong side of the road and talking funny, it's a bit like being at home.
Oh wait, no! No one in the UK clutches their purse when I'm around. I don't get the "you must be a criminal because you are black" treatment. No one stares at me "funny" when I go into a pub or restaurant. Although I hear from my UK family that the country does have its issues with black people.
The grass is never greener anywhere. I figure when our (America's) bad racial habits gets picked up overseas, it will be with a country we are closely tied to culturally. Plus, it's to be expected with the US media devoted to the demonizing of (American) blacks worldwide. A ton of the entertainment on UK TV / movies / radio / etc. are American. Think of the anti-black pollution served there daily.
Overall, my thinking of race has been tantamount to this: racism is the problem of the person who harbors it. As long as this person isn't trying to deny me Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, I don't think about it.
More to follow...
Labels: African, Black American, black women, Caribbean, White American
posted by GoldenAh
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I want to run away from this life.
in Florida. I used to want to work in Nevada. I used to want to return to England. I used to want to find a home in Canada. I used to want to relocate to Australia or New Zealand. I used to want to hang out in Spain. I used to want to chill down in the Bahamas, Barbados, Puerto Rico, or the U.S. Virgin Islands.
