Black Women: Look Out for Number One
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Black Women, please put yourself first.I think it's great that there are many resources (online, library, books, tapes, etc.) available for the betterment of black women. However, I always have a beef with those that clamor for black women to make changes. These proposals often ask: what can a black woman do to benefit others, but not what the black woman can do for herself.
I make no bones about looking out for myself.Like a passenger on a plane, black women must put the oxygen mask on herself first. You cannot help others if you aren't breathing. You cannot help others if your financial house is not in order. You cannot help others if your priorities are messed up. You cannot fix others, if you are still broken.
I have a fantastic family. I love the way I was brought up. No one in my family, especially my Mother and Father ever made me think my well being had to be sacrificed to please anyone.
You get my drift? My
stuff belonged to me. My well being came first - as well as my siblings. I wasn't raised to be second to anyone.
So I'm often perplexed when I read, see, or know of black women who feel guilty if they aren't throwing themselves under the bus for people. I realize that they might not even be aware of it. But no woman should be a sacrificial lamb.
Be a sistah to yourself first. Learn to be selfish. It's a good thing. Be loyal to yourself. So next time someone says, "You're so selfish." Reply with, "Yes, I am, that's why I'm living well."
Give vanity a try! Looking great makes you feel great! It's good for your overall emotional and physical health!
Guilt
is a wasteful emotion. Don't
ever let anyone use this on you.
Giving your time
is just as precious as
giving your life. Don't be so caviler about it.
Get into the habit of saying, "No." Don't hem and haw.
If people want you to
ride or die for them, let them
ride or die for you first.
Agreeing with someone doesn't make you a follower, doormat, or groupie. Disagreeing with someone doesn't (or shouldn't) make you an enemy, even if you enjoy playing Devil's Advocate. Intelligent people appreciate well thought-out criticism.
Don't feel obligated to anyone. They could be using you. You know the deal: they do you one favor and the next thing you know, you are repaying that one favor over a lifetime.
People are clumsy at self-expression, not everyone is glib and verbally gifted. Cut the inarticulate, and possibly the ignorant, some slack. Not everyone is aiming for your jugular.
Last, but not least, you are not a bank, a charity, or a non-profit organization. Don't be afraid to
ask for your money. Don't be afraid to
charge for your time and effort.
Don't get in the habit of purchasing affection. Life gets rough when you run out of money.
Not everybody is going to like you, but they should, at least,
respect you. Labels: black woman, black women, family, happiness, peace, peace of mind, priorities
posted by GoldenAh
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Peace: The Way Within and Without
Sunday, September 23, 2007
I am someone more fond of
hearing a joke as opposed to a
serious news story of the day. I didn't and don't want to know who got shot, stabbed, and died tragically. I got rid of my television set, so I could get a good night's sleep.
I enjoy my peace.
The news used to bother me so bad, that I found myself
crying after some stories. Why inflict that upon myself, then get ready for bed? Was it any wonder I was having nightmares?
That was years ago.
Can't rock my cradle now.Ever worked with people who spent the day trying to
work your last nerve? Based on the situation, I'd say: "I
document everything I say. I document everything
people say and do to me. That information is collected for a period of time, before I head off to HR."
It is
so effective, and the
work gets done stress free.
Stress is a component of life, but how much is too much? Too much is that
twitch in your left/right eye. Too much is that
stabbing pain in your chest, gut, back and shoulders. Too much is that
strain in your voice: have you been shouting lately? Is your hair coming out? Are you gaining weight? Are you losing weight?
Take a break.
Do it now. If you are being overwhelmed:
ask for help. If that wont do it:
take a sick day. If that wont do it:
take a vacation. If that really wont do it:
quit.
Taking a break doesn't only pertain to work, this applies to
everything dragging you down: toxic relationships, a bad habit you wont quit, refusing to make important decisions, etc.
When one is in search of peace,
it never hurts to run away as fast and far as you can. It's either
fight or flight. If you can't manage the fight now: Run! Come back later and fight those battles later, or not at all.
Seek peace: reward yourself. Labels: health, peace, peace of mind, stress
posted by GoldenAh
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