Victimizing Black Women: NY Times Thinks Cure for Black Women and Black Family Poverty is “Let Em Out of Jail”

According to the “experts” they sought out for this article, black males have been locked up for far too long. If you want to read an institutional and media driven message – that hurts black women – the following NY Times article is a prime example:

It’s so full of wrong, it’s hard to summarize where to begin.

I would like to see all these “educated” social scientists relocate to areas where the ex-cons are. I bet there’d hardly be any takers. Yet, according to them the factors for the condition of black women is too precious. It believes the “real” problem for black women, in not finding enough black men only is because they are mostly in jail.

And that they are there longer than necessary.

Defying Common Sense: He Never Was Home

There are several issues we have to overlook just to give us this “get out of jail early” logic. There is no position that they are innocent parties unfairly accused of crimes who do not belong in prison. There is no position exploring why they refuse to graduate from high school, which would be the first and most immediate step out of poverty. There is no position that they should refrain, with some pretense at morality, from pursuing a life of criminal activity, which is harming others, in the first place.

Oh no, the crux of the article is that long term jail sentences are making things worse for single black women, because the men are taken out of the neighborhood. Thereby depriving her the means of a second income to provide for the family.

The assumption is that if the black male was present, he would be of some assistance.

Seriously? Seriously? Come on! Black males made themselves irrelevant, absenting themselves from the black nuclear family years ago, and it didn’t start with the war on drugs. They were abandoning their wives and children many years before that. Black women were able to stop the slide into poverty by finishing school, relocating to better neighborhoods and raising their children alone with middle class jobs.

They Don’t Care About Black Women

What the article doesn’t want to acknowledge is the total destruction this economy has wrought on the single black mother, who used to be able to manage. Now, these same people who used to hail black single motherhood are pretending to be concerned that she’s out there doing it all by herself.

Yet, not one paragraph is devoted to suggesting maybe black women – in order to improve their lives – should relocate to low crime, mixed neighborhoods with better gender ratios and seek opportunities with men who are not black. Mobility would also cure their own poverty.

Everybody has to go to where the jobs are.

This article was so messy, I thought I was reading Essence magazine. The black media will heartily gobble this up, spreading this manure far and wide. I can imagine how the pressure (as usual) will be applied: black women gotta stay in the hood and “struggle” with the incarcerated “brothas”. Do they still call these negroes “freedom fighters” or “political prisoners”? I haven’t read black media in such a long time, I’ve forgotten.

I like how the article fails to mention that black males are the number one killers of black women. She wouldn’t be alive to “struggle” with him anyhow.

There are good reasons why he’s in jail. And it’s a myth that black women are hurt by his incarceration. It is the justice system working as it should when criminals are locked up. How do black women benefit from sociopaths roaming the neighborhood creating havoc? Anyone read the number of black people who die in places like Chicago and Philly everyday?

Step Away From the Hot Mess

Despite the amount of ink devoted to the issue black women and black men are not tied at the hip, inseparable since birth, belong to each other or cannot live without one another. Black women have and will do fine: there are other men around. The oceans are very deep and wide. There’s plenty of fish there.

Black males with good jobs increasingly are marrying interracially. Those who are living the good life have decided on participating in the main stream without black women. They certainly do not miss us.

Remember, the first step for black women in moving towards a better life is getting out of a bad neighborhood. That’s common sense. But people don’t want to provide black women with this kind of life saving advice. Per their logic, we should sit, smolder and rot in hell along with black males who lack any sense of morality, decency or ability to function like a normal man.

This particular NY Times story may have a “happy ending”, but imagine having a predator back in the neighborhood with nothing to lose? That guy is not going to be the ideal spouse for any woman. And these people have a nerve recommending, suggesting or even thinking that that is good enough for the average black woman.

She deserves better than that.

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Black Women: We all cannot be instant best friends

In my opinion, friendships grow in the same manner as other relationships. There is a courtship or getting to know you phase. There is the gradual “tell me more about yourself” or “I’m telling you more about myself” phases.

  • You share ideas.
  • You share mildly humorous short stories.
  • You share your food.
  • You share your time. You share your ambitions. And so on….

Overall, in whatever manner it occurs, trust must be earned. Respect must be earned.

For each and every person who decide to be friends, it takes time. One of the things I’ve noticed among SOME black women is that there is no in-between phase. In an environment such as school or work, from day one, I’ll be subjected to the most intimate – things that I really don’t care to know about – verbal dump.

The BFF Hotline

I’m thinking of starting a 900 number phone line so these chatterboxes can spend the $3-$5 per minute babbling on about their inconsequential lives.

Yes, I say inconsequential, because I don’t know them enough to care or consider whether their issues are worth being concerned about. So, they shouldn’t be offended when after backing up their verbal garbage truck and dumping on me, which I only allow after a couple of times, I get up and walk away to avoid their presence. Even if they follow me, I run away saying, “I’ve gotta do something right now, don’t have time.”

I really do have better things to do. In these environments, my time is money. I’m not one to provide a sympathetic ear until I know you. A relationship doesn’t begin unless you invite me to lunch and we use some of the off-time to talk. It doesn’t begin unless we share some hobbies and want to hang out somewhere at some time. But it doesn’t come with interrupting me at the job as often as a chatty pest may see fit. It doesn’t begin until these women show some consideration, a reasonable attitude, and address me in a proper manner.

Misdirection and Disaffection

I’m very polite, but some folks want to assume I’m a doormat. You know, everybody loves to bait a black woman to see her turn into a “She Hulk.” Not gonna happen with me.

And, I’m puzzled by the strange attitude I get from some black women.

They speak in such a odd way towards me. See, I’m not okay with that common tone of anger. I feel that if you have an issue with someone else, take it up with them.

A real friendship doesn’t begin with another woman doing all the talking, having a one-way “dialogue”.

Real conversations are about give and take. Some black women are too old to be told what’s common sense. If someone has a problem – yes, one can talk about it, but one has to listen to the other party speak too. It is give and take. Not take, take and take some more.

An Acquaintance Is The Door Leading to a Real Friendship, or Not

If a woman’s overall conduct isn’t ladylike, discrete or show some semblance of modesty, she shouldn’t be surprised when people refuse to listen to her. Dodge her company, or ignore her entirely….

When a black woman approaches another, assumptions should not be made.

  • All of our experiences are not the same.
  • All of our backgrounds are not the same.
  • Our culture isn’t just one.  There are multitudes of black culture.
  • All of us do not view political, religious and social issues about BLACK, WHITE or OTHER PEOPLE in the same way.
  • Not everybody is a hugging, kissing, and touchy-feeling kind of person.
  • Not everybody wants to hear the details of your intimate life. Ask if they want to hear it first.
  • Not everybody speaks in the loudest voice they have when speaking to other black women. And that belligerence, that “chip on the shoulder” is noticeable to everybody. That’s why you are having conflicts with people.
  • Not everybody wants to hear you complain about every other woman on the job. This isn’t junior high where you need to have “backup” in your “beef” with what’s-her-face.
  • Stop assuming. Ask first. Don’t assume that everybody “knows that.”
  • And don’t be friendly, only whenever you want something. People aren’t as stupid as you think.

If you cannot treat others with respect, don’t be surprised when that disrespect is returned in kind.

Life will go a lot smoother when you let go of the anger at other black women first. So, look in the mirror, smile at that black woman. Forgive her. Learn to like, love and respect that person in the mirror.

And that disposition towards other black women will change as well….

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Tips for Today’s Negroes: A Lesson in Manners

Who’s Your Daddy?

Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of you did not have Fathers to teach you how to be a gentleman. And the likelihood is high that your Mothers probably didn’t have the time, inclination, or interest in teaching any of y’all manners. Maybe everybody thought that lil man ShayQuan being rude and obnoxious was cute when you were 5 years old and eventually you’d grow out of it.

Unfortunately, for some of y’all, it never happened. For some reason, your boys on the street or that friendly Mr. Hamilton across town – that old guy who’d slide you a couple dollars every once in a while for your “services” – never bothered to give you a heads-up.

However, as a contemporary negro that loves to tell everyone that you are, “A grown ass man,” here are some worthy tips to show you are one, as opposed to being an overgrown, petulant knucklehead.

These tips are obvious to most well rounded people, but unfortunately common sense is in short supply these days:

Stay Thirsty and Be Anxious to Learn

1. Learn to greet everyone you meet with a, “Good morning,” if the sun is coming up or until around 11:00 A.M. like Micky Ds.

2. Say, “Hello,” for the entire day. Smiling is not necessary, but it is helpful.

3. “How are you?” Is allowed after, “Hello.”

4. If you are asked, “How are you?” Reply with, “I am fine,” or “I am good.” No grammar Nazis here.

5. “Goodnight,” isn’t an invitation to talk more or a hookup. It serves the same purpose as, “Goodbye.”

6. Do not demand that any black woman or black girl, whether you are acquainted or strangers, smile at you. It is harassment. Don’t be proud of it. You don’t know who she knows. 🙂

7.  Keep your voice even when you address any woman. Anything louder sounds threatening. Speak with a moderate tone.

8. Hold the door open for all women, children and even other men. Good manners isn’t just a “white” thing.

9. Speak clearly: mumbling makes you sound like a numbskull.

10. Do not treat black women or black girls as though they are easy scores, a potential main squeeze, work place buddy confidant, or source of joking material. Cat calls, nasty comments and hollering at us is not appreciated.

I know a number of us have gotten used to little, if any, kind of common courtesy, as opposed to what you slavishly bestow upon non-black women. However, please keep your contempt to yourself. Non-blacks may appreciate your derogatory “shuck and jive” routine, but a lot of black women do not.

11. You may not believe it, but a lot of us don’t care to exchange more than a few passing words in greeting. That sista who is standing around listening to you is quietly suffering. She doesn’t know how to cut you off, because you’ve made it obvious you’d make her life hell (at the job) if she does.

Truth of the matter is: no one cares about your love life, personal hygiene, lack of money, and endless baby Momma stories. Your life story isn’t nearly as enthralling as you might think.

12. Enough with the jokes. Richard Pryor most likely told all of the best ones. He was funny. You are not.

13. If we seem to be ignoring you – after an initial greeting – let it be forever known: WE ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU. Despite what you read in the black media and the desperate black women who write for them: YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF OUR UNIVERSE.

14. If you would never say it to someone white, then do not say it to a black woman. Please, spare us.

15.  Your Momma really is the only woman who will put up with you. So, get over yourself and leave your issues at home.

16. It is not the black woman’s fault, if her job is more demanding than yours. She’s paid her dues. And believe it or not, that didn’t come by sleeping with a “white man”, since most of our bosses are likely to be white women. We went to school and worked while you decided it was better to hang out with LaTrell’monte back in the hood.

17. Your sucky job is not our problem. It’s up to you to solve. I heard there’s plenty of high paying jobs in North Dakota.

Let’s see if you can work with the white men up there with your current attitude, instead of living off of a black woman down here where it’s “safe”. 🙂

Sure, a few bits of the advice listed could apply to some black women. But being out-of-order seems to be a specialty of negroes.

I’m gonna say it again, as I’ve said it before: you are not entitled to special attention or deference from us. Let’s treat one another with respect, be polite in public and take it from there.

If what I wrote doesn’t apply to you, then don’t get upset.

Cheers. 😀

BWE.links and then some…

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Black Culture As Defined by the Japanese

MsMellody writes:

I would like you (Betty) to write a blog piece on the following Japanese news story. I came upon this video while just looking around on the web…to say that I was shocked would be an understatement.

Let me add this last bit of info – seeing that I am well past this age demographic ( young 20 somethings) I STILL was sadly impacted by this seeming caricature.

And when I say caricature…I really mean it in all it’s glory..a total summation of all the GLARINGLY tacky … outlandish … ways. But somehow the Japanese have synthesized everything we the audience of these blogs would NEVER want to be associated with- nor glamorized!!


That’s A Lot of Black Folks They’re Talking About

Oh man, we need to shut down the music and entertainment industry immediately. Forget Free Speech. Ignorance and stupidity on this level shouldn’t be allowed – in any country on this planet.

There are roughly 150,000,000 Japanese people in the world. I padded the number to include those scattered outside the country.

People who are pure blooded African and of African descent might roughly be nearly a billion, if not slightly more. ‘Cause as you know, there’s too many of us, at least according to the environmentalists who love to only show pictures of black people when they talk about overpopulation. What’s fascinating is that they reason in the same unpleasant direction as the white supremacist sites. Same difference on a bad day, right?

Am I to understand that the twits in Japan claiming they know “black culture” think this represents 1 billion people? I know I am being rhetorical here.

Whose Culture You Talkin’ About, Willis?

Unfortunately, it is a global world. Overflowing with toxic “entertainment” waste. The context of this is garbage in, garbage out. Nothing more. Even the mother in the clip is hip to her daughter’s optional lifestyle, “Sooner or later it will get boring.” Momma is right. Her chubby unattractive crooked teeth offspring might go into Goth next.

‘Cause it doesn’t make a person black or a part of “black culture”, if one:

  • Has hair that turned “frizzy” in primary school.
  • Goes to a tanning bed monthly, weekly, or even daily.
  • Reads magazines showcasing “cool blacks”. WTF does that even mean?
  • Watches music videos full of “cool blacks”.
  • Attends late night clubs to hear hip hop.
  • Has hair braided into small plaits. Even the ancient Romans and Greeks did that, along with the Egyptians.
  • Has multiple piercings, wears tattoos and brightly colored or tacky clothing. I mean, seriously now? (Useless data: the first folks to wear tattoos in the USA among the “mainstream” folks were sailors. That was cool, because you understood – life was rough for them. That’s what tattoos represented. Tough guys making marks of their adventures.)
  • And as we know, the list of stupid, made-up dumb stuff passing as “black culture” could go on…

Let’s be real: being black or of African descent is not an optional lifestyle, something that can be appropriated or worn like the latest fashion.

We Are Not Accessories For Any Funking Group

As Oshun eloquently stated:

I am trying not to throw up at that vid. Ok, this is not “Black Lifestyle”, but a lower class black subculture they are mimicking.

Perhaps a letter writing/email campaign is in order to make them recognize that this is not us and they need to be careful of their labels – to further delineate the separation?

I say glamorize and mimick away. It is a subculture. I don’t care what happens to the cretins that created this trash. I hope it all comes back to bite all the woman hating negroes in the butt. There are already new school white MCs thinking they can call ni@@@s ni@@@s – so good luck to all of them with that.

What I do not like is this, and this may not be the right word, appropriation, co-option of the Black woman’s image whether she be working class or lower class or not. What is up with these folks and thinking that that is ok?? First some WW do it on the sly and now this mess? Is this everyday black face? I am feeling some type of way about this and it is not good.

I can understand the entertainment value of hip hop. It serves to amuse and distract for the period of time one gets immersed in it. That’s all. Just like other forms of “art”.

Hey, Do That Thing You Do

And in similar fashion to Oshun, I would tell this group of Japanese:

“Go ahead. We know it is a strange, bizarre, weird, and artificial construct on your part, since you have no idea, and will never know the true essence of any black culture. There are multitudes of them. Just like you would be thrilled to tell my black behind I could never appreciate, understand, emulate or become Japanese. There’s no way on earth you could ever appreciate and understand what black culture is, or even know what a real black woman is like.

But keep playing at it: for me, it’s entertaining to watch you all look stupid.”

But Y’all Can’t Do That

Folks, lemme ask you this: Imagine if groups of us walked around with faces painted white, spoke a little Japanese, bowed at everybody, carried swords (I don’t think I’d mind that), wore kimonos, along with those odd flip flops and said we were living a “cool azz Japannezzy lifestyle”, having never stepped one foot in the country? Honestly, I think people would be calling up President Obama and asking him, “What’s up with that?”

To wrap up, I’ll say why this is a problem. In the words of Ms Mellody:

The very idea that people from other countries only take in and synthesize what they see on MTV, Youtube, BET, VH1 and the like. Just the very idea that  THEY think this is the TOTALITY of Black culture..is just shocking in this day and age. ….And yet this is exactly the way some BWs present as well as BMs present to the world.

Just because some of us easily invite disrespect – and call it entertainment or “art” – for a few dollars, doesn’t mean all of us will.

We ain’t asleep, folks. We see what’s going on.

Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

 

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Blogging and The Nature of Criticism

Email, Comments and Rules

The private stuff stays private, but I usually have two rules for posting an email:

  • It’s so on point about a specific subject, I want to share it.
  • It’s so irate and angry, usually towards my blog and myself, I want share a good laugh at the joke(r).

Regarding the comments section, it’s more or less an open-door policy.

Most comments go through automatically, because the administrative software will allow commenters based on a trusted ID. Once I approve your comment 99.93% percent of the time, you can come back to freely write and express yourself. I barely or rarely censor. Rarely.

Although through no fault of my own something goes awry, a few comments are held in a queue or sent to spam.

This is my domain. I pay for the site. Yay. I am mistress of my own domain! Hmm. That sounds so empowering, no? I’m a bit of a control freak, and the software gives me a lotta admin power! I love power!

Hmm. Power.

When a comment is awesome, I want to make it topic to run with. However, I get so many on point good comments, it’s becomes harder to decide. It’s a matter of breaking up a thread to start another. That can get tricky.

What Chu Say? The Illiterate’s Brain Fart

If a comment is out of bounds, I’ll give the person the exposure they deserve. Of the few posts I’ve put up, with regards to criticizing the blog or myself, they’re from the comments section. This is not an invitation to trolls.

Have you noticed that the irate are nearly always incoherent?

Folks enjoy upsetting themselves in a many manner of ways. They fume at words never written, but boy! are they certainly clever! to decipher what’s supposedly implied. Sort of a grand conspiracy of blogging: maybe they highlight invisible words by selecting the screen page to find the truth of what’s written. Made you look.

This is me: If I want to insult someone, I’ll use the exact words required. I don’t aim for subtle.

Idiotbook

Recently, one moron from Facebook, who is as bright as a box of hammers, sharp as a dull kinfe, polluted my email box. You wanna know what my first reaction was? Laughter. I responded with polite sarcasm.

Now, you may wonder, Why bother? Hey, I figure, what am I gonna be mad at? Feces is fertilizer. Right? Maybe there’s a nugget of wisdom to be discovered. Not.

I reply, because I feel sorry for the feeble minded. I don’t like beating up on the mentally handicapped.

Here’s the gimme: An angry email or comment tells me how much power I have over this person. They’ve wasted precious moments of their time to tell me nothing. To send me their mental upchuck. I love that kind of power.

I think I’ll conquer the world from here, blogging in my warm and comfy pajamas, with a nice cup of herbal tea by my side.

Criticism Is a Fundamental Good

I appreciate criticism. I welcome constructive, make it work, useful, thought provoking differences of opinions. That’s how we all learn. Trial and error. Through observation and analysis.

I’ve worked jobs where I get nervous if I’m not getting feedback that tells me where I’m going wrong (or right). I’ll request criticism. I need to know the correct dance moves. If I’m going left, while everyone else is going right, shouldn’t I be told the next steps? (In real life, I am horrible dancer.) I appreciate the “swim with the school of fishes” mantra as long as it fulfills my goals, metrics, deadlines and the like.

I do not pretend to know all the answers. I do not have this mindset that what I say is the last word on any subject.

I write observations, not absolutes. I’m not writing position papers. I’m not recruiting for a cause. (Unless it’s for the secret Black Women’s Illuminati. Remember that we don’t exist, okay?)

I write assertively, because I consider writing a tool. It needs to be sharpened. Repeatedly. I realize that this is the subtle distinction the fuming, irate, nitwits miss. I cannot raise their IQs, so it’s not on my agenda.

I blog as an intellectual exercise. It’s interesting and rather fun. And I’ll keep at it until I’m truly bored, and then I’ll stop. If you are helped by my words, that actually brings me joy. I like sharing my thoughts. I am sincerely greatful when you share yours with me.

Have a good one.

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